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Venenum Iocus

by kudzuhaiku

Chapter 12: Celestia's dirt has been scientifically proven not to hurt

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The building was enormous. One might even say palatial. Tarnish wondered how one hid something like this from the public, making it so that only people who knew where it was could find it. That sort of magic was beyond him. Tarnish had explored as much of it as he could, but there were still plenty of closed doors, and with those closed doors, more opportunities for exploration. The entire building was one big fantastic place of one fascinating thing after another.

There were garages down below, many rooms of different sorts, libraries, display rooms, a private museum, the geology wing, there was a bit of everything. Most intriguing though was the botanical gardens up on the roof. There was a five story tall greenhouse up on the roof, a warm, moist, fascinating place, and it was here that Tarnish found himself on the end of his adventure of exploring the building.

There was an orchid that smelled like rotting corpses, but it wasn’t blooming at the moment. There was another orchid that sang opera, but it was silent now. Tarnish gave it and its sign an incredulous stare, not certain that he believed an orchid could sing opera. He supposed that anything was possible, but he felt that he needed to see it before his brain would stop balking at the idea. Perhaps it was the claim that the orchid had an eight octave singing voice.

There was an apple tree that produced strange crystalline apples, along with a sign stating that the fruit was inedible for ponies, but fine for dragons. The crystalline apple tree was most peculiar, and sort of reminded Tarnish of how the trees had turned to crystal after the volcano exploded. The tree itself had been found by Dove, Explorer and Cartographer of the North, and then moved here, according to its little brass plaque.

In a back corner, inside of a glass display case, Tarnish Teapot saw something that made him stop and stare. Behind the glass that had the words ‘Specimen Sample #77’ was something that froze Tarnish in his tracks.

He saw a beetle melon. There they were, growing fat, and little stubby legs were wiggling. They were not free of the vine just yet, they were still growing, but Tarnish would recognise them anywhere. He stopped to look at the sign.

‘Beetle Melon. Coleoptera Citrullus. Discoverer: Tarnished Teapot, Junior Botanist, Field Explorer, and—’

Part of the brass plaque was left blank and it took several long moments to realise that it had been left free of words so it could be filled in later. Tarnish was touched, he felt quite emotional, but he also felt a little disappointed.

There was no tentacle grape to be found. He supposed that if there was to be a sample on display here, he would have to return with it himself somehow. He had an almost perverse sense of embarrassed pride for discovering that nightmarish bit of nature.

As far as beginnings went, he realised that he was off to a good start. He had done the hardest part of the work, and that was getting started. Getting motivated to do a difficult task was often the most difficult part of said task. The reason for his motivation was easy though, he would follow Maud anywhere.

Not caring about being dirty, Tarnish sat down on the soft earthen floor of the greenhouse and had himself a good stare at the beetle melon, watching as its stubby, underdeveloped legs kicked about.

“Hoy.” Hearing a voice, Tarnish turned to look at the speaker. He saw a somewhat dirty looking earth pony mare. She was ancient looking. She was wearing glasses, which hung crooked on her nose, and one eye was milky white. The other was a sharp and vibrant blue. She had dirt in her wrinkled knees and her pale yellow pelt had grass stains.

“Howdy,” Tarnish said, trying to be friendly as the old mare sat down beside him. “My name is Tarnished Teapot.”

The mare let out a gasp when her spine popped as she tried to get comfortable. Her blue eye opened wide and her lower lip quivered. The pain passed and she recovered, finding her smile. “My name is Mirrorshine. You don’t see too many unicorn botanists.”

“You don’t?” Tarnish asked.

The old mare began to laugh and then came to an abrupt stop when her spine popped again. She gritted her teeth for a moment, waited for it to pass, and then replied, “It’s the dirt, my boy, it’s the dirt. Most unicorns I’ve met are afraid to get dirty. They like everything all clean, neat, and tidy. Nature is anything but.”

“Oh.” Tarnish felt bad for the mare with the bad back.

“Celestia made the dirt and the dirt don’t hurt.” The old mare kicked out her hind legs and tried to get comfortable. As she did so, she began to chuckle, a soft, wheezing chuckle.

“What?” Confused, Tarnish tried to make sense of what was being said. “Celestia made this? Is that true?”

Mirrorshine smiled and lifted one front hoof, leaving the other down on the ground, bracing herself so she could sit up on her haunches. She waved at everything around her. “Ponies say that Celestia made all of this with her sister, Luna. The sky, the stars, the sun, the moon, this planet, this dirt, the water, the air, everything… and if enough ponies say it, it must be true.”

Blinking, Tarnish had a curious thought. “Has… uh, has anypony tried asking her if this is true?”

“She’d never admit to it, she’s far too humble.” Mirrorshine let out a grunt as one of her hind knees popped. “So… we’re left with a mystery. Go with the accepted idea shared by many, or reject that and find our own truth. I doubt we’ll ever know the answer. If you go off and find your own truth, a lot of ponies will challenge you… they’ll discredit you and try to shut you up. They’ll hate you for challenging their comfortable, beloved beliefs and all of their preconceived notions. But, if you go with the accepted idea shared by many, well, you miss out on the journey of discovery.”

Feeling very, very confused, Tarnished Teapot sat in the dirt and gave thought to Mirrorshine’s words.

“A long time ago, a very long time ago, I set forth a hypothesis that destroyed my career,” Mirrorshine began in a tired sounding voice. She nodded her head and her vision became a little unfocused as her mind retreated back in time. “I tried to tell ponies that their long held preconceived notions were wrong. I even started to get a little evidence going. Just enough to make my claims a little interesting, but not enough to go on.”

“What happened?” Tarnished asked.

“Well, ponies got real upset. Real upset. Words got said. Fights happened. I held fast to my idea, my belief, and I continued my work as a botanist and a scientist. As a scientist, I wasn’t happy with long held beliefs, I wanted truth, and I set out to find it. That truth made ponies angry. Eventually, enough of the right ponies got angry and I lost my tenure as a professor. I was stripped of my academic accolades. I was discredited and my work was labeled as being fraudulent. At the end of it all, I lost everything.” The old mare chuckled, but her face was sorrowful.

“I’m so sorry,” Tarnish said.

“I’m not.” The old mare turned to look at Tarnish, focusing her good eye on him. “I took the journey. Losing my tenure was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I was forced out of the classroom, I was tossed out of academia, and I found myself out in the wilds. I was without funding, without friends, I had nothing. I even lost my husband… he couldn’t deal with all of the stress of my life coming apart, and it was starting to affect his career as well… he was a professor of economics…” Mirrorshine’s words trailed off and she went silent. Once more, her focus seemed lost as she retreated into the past.

Tarnish felt terrible, even a little angry, but he focused upon the mare’s words and paid attention.

“Out in the wilds, I found myself. I found happiness… and more importantly, Helianthus found me. She helped me out of a scrape. Saved my life actually. Not long after that, I found myself here… with these madponies, crazies, weirdos, magicians, mathematicians, and rogue scientists. Good ponies, the lot of them. I was added to Helianthus’ collection.”

Hearing the mare’s words, Tarnish felt a little bit better. “So, uh, what was your hypothesis, if you don’t mind me asking… I, uh, I’m not the judgmental sort, I promise I’ll be civil.”

Mirrorshine laughed, a big belly laugh, and her expression became one of pain as she could not contain her wheezing laughter. A tear rolled down her cheek and after some time, her laughter became weak, raspy chuckles. She looked Tarnished Teapot in the eye and said, “I tried to tell them that poison joke was a beneficial part of the ecosystem and it wasn’t just some pesky weed. This hypothesis destroyed my life.”

Stunned, Tarnish’s mouth fell open and he didn’t know what to say.

“My boy, you are going to have enemies. This is one of those sorts of issues that’s a lot like trying to challenge the idea that Celestia made everything around us with her sister. You are going to be taking on a long held belief. It stopped being about facts a long time ago, and became more about accepted tradition. There are some things that are just inherently true and you don’t argue about or challenge. The alicorn sisters made everything around us, the world is flat, unicorn farts don’t stink, all dragons are vicious, pony eating brutes, and poison joke will be the death of us all.”

“But… but… but the world is round,” Tarnish stammered.

“Ah, but for the longest time, ponies believed it was flat. And all those who challenged that widely held belief met bad ends.” Mirrorshine chuckled, her back popped, and then the mare let out a pained groan as her laughter came to an abrupt halt. She tried arching her back, which caused another pop, and with a muffled cry, she flopped over on the ground and laid down.

Tarnish, feeling concerned, reached out and touched the old mare, trying to comfort her. He thought about her words, everything she had said, and then gave thought to how things had changed. He had only vague knowledge of the dark ages, back when ponies believed that the world was flat and dragons lived beneath the disc that was the ground.

The truth had changed, but it took a long time and there was much bloodshed.

As Mirrorshine got comfortable on her stomach, laying down in the dirt, Tarnish thought about changes. He thought about his own life, there had been many changes. He thought about Twilight Sparkle; she had believed him to be dangerous. She had banished him into the wilds. But with time, study, and investigation, the truth about his talent was discovered. Twilight had accepted the truth and had done much to right everything that went wrong.

It was at this moment that Tarnished Teapot realised that most ponies weren’t too keen on admitting they were wrong. Most would rather continue believing in the wrong thing than admit there had been a mistake, or they had made a mistake, or that their reasoning or logic was faulty. Twilight Sparkle was not like most ponies. She was exceptional.

Tarnish realised that Twilight could have been bitter about being duped by his talent, she could have been angry about having made a mistake, and she could have upheld his banishment to spare herself the embarrassment of admitting that she had made an error. Twilight Sparkle had swallowed her pride and she had taken the hit to her credibility with grace and aplomb.

It was a profound moment of realisation for Tarnish.

“You know, Mirrorshine, about unicorns and their farts not stinking,” Tarnish said in a low voice.

“Yes?” Mirrorshine replied.

“I’m a unicorn and I can say this...” Tarnish focused on the mare staring up at him. Something resembling a wry smile was on her muzzle. Tarnish found himself smiling. “As a unicorn, I can say with all honesty that the old assertion about us is true.”

Laying on the ground, the old mare began to laugh. Lost in laughter, she ignored her back when it popped once more, and she beat upon the ground with her front hooves.

A broad grin spread over Tarnish’s muzzle. Sometimes, one did not challenge long held beliefs…

Author's Notes:

This might be kinda raw and in need of an edit or three. Sorry. Typos happen. An edited version might appear later. Apologies in advance.

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Venenum Iocus

Mature Rated Fiction

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