Almost right away, Tarnished Teapot felt as though he had made a mistake. The store, if it could be called that, felt and smelled more like walking into a giant closet. There were no windows in the front and it existed behind a locked door that kept the public out. As he tried to get himself oriented, right away he was herded away from the door, pushed along a long aisle, through another door, then another, and then found himself in an odd circle-shaped room that had far too many mirrors and caused him to feel dizzy when he looked around.

At one end of the room was a large, overstuffed, comfortable couch with a stodgy flannel print. At one end of the couch there was a table with a bottle of wine and several wine glasses. Tarnish watched as Maud and Helianthus were shown to the couch, while he was left standing in front of a group of mirrors.

Right away, Tarnish began to feel self conscious—he was on display.

The round room was well lit, panelled in pale coloured wood that shone with a well waxed mirror finish. The overhead lights gave the room a warm, golden glow that was easy on the eyes. As Tarnish stood there, gawking at his surroundings, Helianthus was opening the bottle of wine. She poured a glass, passed it to Maud, who took it with a thankful nod, and then the big mare poured herself a glass. She raised it in a toast to Maud, then smiled, her lips already red from the wine she had been drinking in the carriage.

Gulping, Tarnish began to understand that he was in trouble.

“Habby Dasher! Oh, Habby Dasher! I need you to work your magic!” Helianthus called out in a booming voice.

“I eez coming, yez?” A somewhat older faded blue unicorn mare popped her head through the door, spied Tarnish, and then froze. After a moment, she turned a sour stare upon Helianthus. “You bring me thiz. Thiz iz inzult… he iz all legz and gangly partz… I can do nothingz!”

“Habby…” Helianthus eyed the eccentric mare sizing up Tarnish.

“Look at him… he eez monkey horze. Ooh ooh ook! Zee the monkey horze!”

“Habby… please?”

The older mare stomped over to Tarnish, got right up in his face, and began to examine him. She reached up, grabbed his face with her telekinesis, pulled on his cheek, and jerked his head down. She examined Tarnish’s long neck, his slender body, and eyed his legs.

“Monkey horze eez part giraffe… how do I work with thiz? You do thiz to hurtz me, yez?”

Helianthus began snickering and Maud sipped her wine, looking sleepy. Tarnish was almost certain that Maud was enjoying herself. He lifted his head back up, drawing himself up to his full height, and looked down upon the short, somewhat frumpy looking mare that was still eyeing him.

“Eez made of chocolatz. Dark brownz. Eez easy enough on eyez, yez?” Habby walked over to Tarnish’s side and prodded his ribs. “Eez too thin. Wife, zhe doez poor job of feeding… eez bad, yez?”

Still snickering, Helianthus glanced over at Maud, who was sitting with her eyebrow raised, holding her wine glass. Maud’s ears were leaning forwards. It was impossible to tell what Maud was feeling, but it was clear that Maud wasn’t angry. It was easy to tell when Maud was angry. Disasters happened.

“Or eez too thin cauze wife eez too attractive, cannot keep the hoofzies off of pretty wife… yez, eez more likely. You die young, conzumed by luzt!” Habby nodded, her head bobbing, all while Helianthus was laughing on the couch.

“You haz legz like alicornz… long body… long neck…” Habby’s eyes narrowed. “I eez going to azzume that all of you eez long and thin.” The mare gave Helianthus a sly, salacious wink. “Old Habby, zhe eez zhort and zquat. Zhe comez from old peazant ztock. Eez jealouz of tall monkey giraffe horze.”

Tarnish eyed himself in the mirror and found his voice. “I don’t look like a monkey…”

“Eez monkey… now I go fetch the monkey zuit.” Habby stormed off, her hooves clattering upon the wooden floor. “Zee, monkey zuit… too much monkey, not enough horze, eez no way I do thiz.”

“I am not a monkey,” Tarnish said in a low voice as Habby vanished through a door. His ears perked and he did his best to look dignified. He glanced at Maud, who was staring at him, and then eyed Helianthus, who seemed to be enjoying herself a great deal. Her wine was already almost gone.

Before Tarnish had a chance to recover and reclaim his dignity, Habby burst through the door with a black tuxedo jacket. Before he could protest, before he could react, before he could respond, she was dressing him. He went still and allowed it happen.

Looking in the mirror, he could see a white shirt and a black jacket. Wool, by the looks of it. It was warm and it did not appear to fit him very well. He supposed it would need adjustment. He somehow looked… gawkier.

“Black eez no good… it zhrinkz hiz body, makez it look too zmall. Tiny raizin body with alicorn legz. Ugh, thiz not good.” Habby scowled and looked disappointed as she studied Tarnish. “The black and the brown, it ztink!”

“He does look a little off,” Helianthus agreed.

Maud lowered her wine glass and nodded.

Snarling, Habby began undressing Tarnish, pulling the coat and the shirt away. “He eez all legz! How doez Habby work with that? I never do thiz again, career eez over!”

The short mare stormed away, carrying with her the white shirt and the black tuxedo jacket. She slipped through the door and it slammed shut behind her, startling Tarnish, who jumped at the sound.

“Am I really all legs?” Tarnish asked.

Maud nodded and her eyelids made a slow, lazy blink. She took a swallow of wine and one ear twitched. “I am madly in love with all five of them.” After her stunning deadpan delivery, Maud took another sip of wine from her glass.

Helianthus, who had been drinking from her glass, horked, coughed, and almost had wine come out of her nose. The big mare wheezed for a moment, trying to catch her breath, and then exploded with laughter, her wine almost sloshing out of the glass she had clutched in her fetlock.

Tarnish, unable to do anything else, stood there and turned a darker shade of purple brown, a full body blush, feeling pretty good about himself. He cocked an eyebrow and prepared himself for whatever it was that Habby was going to do to him next.

With a thump, the door flew open and Habby Dasher appeared. “Habby haz career revival… I will be reborn, yez!” The mare flew into the room, her short legs scissoring as she scurried about, and she held several items in her telekinesis.

“You eez pleazing zhade of chocolatz, we work with that.” Habby held up a stunning ivory tuxedo jacket. “Thiz match mane, yez.” She held up a white shirt and a white waistcoat with a turquoise paisley print that matched Maud’s eyes.

Tarnish held still as Habby dressed him. He closed his eyes and tried not think about the invasion of his personal space. He was doing this for Maud, to make her happy. He felt things being tugged around him. He heard the tinkling of glass and the splash of liquid.

Opening his eyes, he saw Maud. She was leaning forwards on the couch, her eyes wide, her mouth hanging open, and her ears were splayed out sideways. She didn’t appear to be breathing, just staring at him with a vacant expression in her eyes. The wine glass had fallen to the floor, shattered, and there was a puddle of wine.

Helianthus, who had a broad sunny smile, reached over, and, using her hoof, gently closed Maud’s mouth, which made a clicking sound when her teeth connected with each other. The big white earth pony let heave a satisfied sigh and then said, “This is how ponies end up swallowing bugs.”

“Eez not bad… need fitting,” Habby said. “You… monkey giraffe horze, I think wife like, yez? You go home and maybe wife hurt you… you be very zore when wife iz done with you. Juzt lie back and think of Liverypool. Habby do good work, yez?” The mare paused, looked up at Tarnish, and then began to adjust his long, thin, turquoise coloured ribbon tie. “The ribbon, like your legz, eez long… eez zkiny… dangly. No no wear tie or bow tie. Look bad! Ugh, monkey giraffe horze cannot wear normal tiez, look ugly!”

While Helianthus attended to Maud, trying to revive the statuesque mare that had gone stone still, Tarnish looked at himself in the mirror. The ivory jacket needed to be fitted, so did everything else, but he looked good. Even he could see that. He looked tall, distinguished, handsome even, even if the style of his clothing appeared to be about two hundred years out of date. The ribbon tie was a veritable antique, as far as fashion went.

“Habby enchant tie zo it tiez zelf and you no worry or make fool of zelf. Habby make everything good… you be handzome, for a monkey giraffe horze. You make pretty wife happy, maybe zhe give you foal for looking handzome, yez?”

Tarnish choked and was unable to reply. He stood there, coughing, his sides heaving, and Habby stood grinning beside him, standing into the mirror with him, her eyebrows waggling up and down in a rapid manner.

“Maud, dearest, say something,” Helianthus said as she patted Maud upon the withers.

The earth pony mare, still staring at her husband, broke her paralysis with a blink. After a long stretch of seconds, an ear twitched. After even more time passed, the same ear twitched again. And then, unable to do anything else, Maud let out a wickering whinny, punctuated with a snort.

“I’ve seen this before,” Helianthus said in a knowing voice. “So tightly bound. So much control. She’s finally encountered something she can’t process, poor dear. Had she had a little more wine, she might of loosened up enough to let go a little.” The big white earth pony mare shook her head and her bright eyes flashed with mischief. “Mister Teakettle, you look very handsome and I think we’ve made your lovely bride very, very happy.”

“We eez not done,” Habby said as she stomped one hoof down on the floor. “Ees now time for handzome to zit on couch and we drezz the wife. Zhe ees grey and plain! Zhe iz my empty canvaz! I do great art! Today, I make gown!”

“Habby, darling, this wasn’t planned for today,” Helianthus said in a gentle voice.

“EEZ PLANNED NOW!” Habby Dasher began to pull Tarnish’s clothing off, doing so with what appeared to be reckless abandon, but nothing was damaged as the mare did what she did best. “I work the old magicz… I make gown… it be ready, you no worry.”

“Um…” Tarnish stood there, naked again, save for the amulet around his neck, which glowed a pleasant shade of light blue. “How will this work? I mean, you have to make a gown from scratch, right?”

“No… eez not how it workz… I uze foundation gown, find beauty, find inzpiration… then build on foundation… make caztle of beauty.” Habby set all of Tarnish’s clothing down upon a table shoved up against the wall. “We go with turquoize… I go!”

Legs pumping, Habby Dasher ran for the door and vanished, slamming the door behind her, which caused one of Maud’s ears to twitch. The stony earth pony mare was still recovering upon the couch and Helianthus was patting her back with one fetlock while holding her wine in the other.

“Maud?” Tarnish took a step closer to the pony that he loved more than life itself. He watched her mouth open, then close. She blinked and he could see her looking at him.

“All jokes and funniness aside, she is a little overwhelmed… a little overstimulated.” Helianthus gave Maud a patient, loving smile. “Some earth ponies are all strength and power. Most of their focus goes towards holding everything back so they don’t crush the world around them. Maud Pie here is a titan of strength in much the same way that Star Swirl the Bearded or Twilight Sparkle is a titan of magic. Alas, earth pony magic is still mysterious and has not been studied nearly enough.”

“Handsome,” Maud managed to say in a wavering voice.

“Yes, he was very handsome,” Helianthus replied, agreeing with Maud. “Did you like seeing him like that?”

Maud nodded, her eyes blinking. “Yes.”

Eyes narrowing, Tarnish began to clean up the broken glass and wine. He couldn’t do much about the wine, but he was able to use his telekinesis to pick up the pieces of glass and he dropped them into a small, ornate trash receptacle.

“The stronger they are, the more detached they become from life.” Helianthus scooted a little closer to Maud on the couch and her expression became one of almost maternal concern. “Many do not cry as foals. They do not express emotion, or have trouble expressing emotion. They rarely laugh. Many of them end up quite lonely. It makes me sad.”

“I love her so much…” Tarnish came over to the couch and stood near Maud, looking down at her. “She means so much to me. She has feelings… Pinkie Pie knows exactly what Maud is feeling… most of the time.”

“Sadly, a lot of ponies aren’t up for the challenge.” Helianthus eyed Tarnish for a moment, studying him, and had Tarnish been paying attention, he would have seen the wisdom of centuries flashing in her eyes. “Even if you had no other talents, no other skills, no other unusual gifts, you would still be an exceptional pony just for loving her. I do not think you understand just how—”

Before Helianthus could finish speaking, Maud Pie grabbed Tarnish, her hooves grasping both sides of his face, and she pulled him in for a kiss. Helianthus fell silent and watched as the kiss happened, her eyes misting over, and the big white mare smiled as the kiss intensified.

Lifting her wine glass, Helianthus took a sip and waited for Habby to return.

Author's Notes:

In my head, I have something like this pictured for Maud.

ZOURZE!