“So, last time we left off, we were at... ah... oh, right, they were about to die horribly, and probably repeatedly. Now settle down, and let’s get back to the story. No, really, sit the fuck down or I’ll stop telling you the story.”

Rather than being allowed to slowly and consciously involve their minds with their first deaths, Anthony, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash experience their first twenty deaths all in a row, one right after another. Eventually, the group manages to escape once the loaders run out of ammunition and grenades, using the time it takes for the ‘bots to charge their optic blasts to escape.

The three, having now had plenty of tastes of what failing combat could result in, all hide behind a large rock as the Loaders blunder around, slipping and falling in the snow as they search for the two ponies and the human.

Dash, gasping for air, keeps patting down her chest and side, where she’d been shot the most. “G-gah, what the hell, Anthony?! W-what was that!?”

“D- depends.” Anthony says, holding his head, feeling a headaches onset. “The loaders, the dying, or the asshole on the ECHO?”

Pinkie whimpers. “Yes?”

“Okay, those robots are loaders, Jack’s bots. Jack, Handsome Jack, was that guy on the ECHO before he sent his robots after us. Long-story short, he wants all the Vault Hunters and rebels on Pandora dead.”

“B-but why?” Pinkie asks, sounding plaintive.

“He wants the Vault first, so he can control Pandora, and in order to do that he’s planning on wiping out everyone else on the planet so he can swoop in, control the Vault, and take over.”

“So... he wants to live here?” Rainbow Dash asks confusedly. “I thought you said this place was the pits?”

“It is. It’s also practically overflowing with Eridium, a powerful, alien element Jack wants really badly. And he’s going to turn Pandora from a barren wasteland into a... well, an even worse barren wasteland to do it.”

“Sounds like the bad guy for sure. A real villain, through and through.” Dash comments.

“Yeah, and he won’t stop until we’re dead.”

“But... aren’t we already dead? I mean, those meanie-robots... just...” Pinkie’s ears droop further. “Y’know...”

“Yeah, he just killed us. But we’re still alive because he allowed us access to the New-U stations so we would respawn. He owns the New-U stations.”

“But... if he wants us gone, why doesn’t he just take us out of the system and kill us for good?”

Anthony puts an arm around Rainbow and Pinkie each to console them from what he’s about to say. “Because he wants to keep killing us. He wants to prove that even if we were immortal, completely invincible... he’d still kill us. He’s that much better than us. That’s his game.”

The ponies think that over and shudder.

“Yeah, he’s scary.” Anthony says softly. “But that’s why we gotta beat him. Show him we’re strong and that no matter how many times we may die, we still won’t give up.”

“Show him we’re heroes!” Rainbow says, getting a bit of confidence back.

“No. Not heroes. We need to be better than heroes. We need to be Vault Hunters.”

Rainbow looks up at him, at first with confusion, until her gaze hardens into a look of steely determination. “Yeah. Yeah! We’re not just going to beat him, we’re gonna show we’re better than him in every way!” she says, smirking confidently. “That back there was just a minor setback. Let’s get to that Sanctuary place, get better guns, and blow these losers away!”

Anthony has to smile. “Look at you, pretty much made for Pandora already. What do you think Pinkie? Wanna show a bully he’s not the king of the playground?”

“I’ll throw him a party like he’s never seen before. And it’ll be perfect for his meanie-pants self. I’m gonna throw him one of his own parties. And nopony escapes a Pinkie Pie Party.”

“Yeah... let’s do this, together. We’ll find that Vault, and stop Jack before he can take it.” The three newly-hardened Vault Hunters share a three way hoof/fist-bump and head for Sanctuary.

The three come across a group of bandits, five of them huddled around a fire, with a Marauder sitting closest of all. Before the three try to engage, Rainbow Dash notices that one of the barrels near the fire has a ‘fire’ symbol she doesn’t recognize, and pokes Anthony, to ask him what the barrel means.

“Incendiary.” He explains. “Watch this.” Anthony lines up a shot and, judging his aim carefully, hurls an unmodded grenade over to the barrel and pulls the ponies back under cover.

“I thought you said to see-” Pinkie starts, until a loud boom rocks the ground and a ‘Fwoosh!’ follows soon after and-

“Uuuuuuuugh-ohgod-ohgod!”

The ponies and Anthony lean out from their cover to see the group of bandits lying on the ground, charred to the bone, their clothes melted to their blackened skin.

Anthony is fairly disgusted by the smell and soon the smell reaches the ponies as well and the whole group spends a few minutes gagging.

“*kaff* Fire damage. Really effective, *koff* against unshielded enemies.”

“But, *gag* we have shields, so that won’t happen to us?”

“As long as *urg* our shields hold up, yeah.”

“Where’s the bastard that did this? All my crap’s on fire!” The Marauder, apparently made of tougher stuff than the other bandits, is still on fire, but is stumbling around, gun in hand, looking for the one who’d set off the barrel.

Anthony nods to the ponies, making a ‘keep quiet’ motion, then counting down on his fingers.

‘three, two, one’

“Go!”

The trio rush out of their cover, Rainbow vaulting over it, and Anthony and Pinkie coming from either side.

The Marauder never knew what hit him, mostly because having a rainbow-maned pony kick your face in is pretty unusual, even by Pandoran standards. The attacks from the other two quickly finish the man off, taking him down in a gurgle of blood, before he digistructs away.

“Come on, let’s get out of here before he respawns!” Dash says, quickly.

“Hold on, let’s see what kind of stuff he had. Like I said, in order to survive that you’d need a good shield.”

“Looting time!” Pinkie giggles, starting to get into the spirit of Pandora a bit too easily for Anthony’s comfort. Heck, she didn’t even gag once from the smell of burning flesh.

“You’re starting to creep me out, Pinkie.”

“Well, you said it was a kinda party, and I am the premiere party pony!” she says, grinning and pronking towards the devastated campsite.

“Well, guess if one of us was gonna go native first, makes sense it’d be Pinks.” Dash admits, and Anthony just nods as Pinkie confirms that the Marauder did indeed survive longer on the merits of his shield. A Green Pangolin, level two. A great find for any sort of glass-cannon type player.

“Dibs!” Rainbow calls first, and Pinkie hands the shield to the pegasus who ditches her current shield in favor of the much higher capacity.

“Alright! Now let’s see what guns they had!”

“Actually...” Anthony says, looking over the bodies. “I think the grenade plus fire barrel was too much, that shield is the only bit of gear that didn’t get roasted to high hell. Nobody’d buy this stuff either.”

“We fried the vendor trash?”

“Not fried, roasted.” Anthony corrects. “It would be fried if that was a shock barrel.”

“Oooh... Ooh, a box!” Pinkie shouts, pronking towards a green Dahl Military box. The smallish container has a simple green-button opening mechanism, easy for Pinkie’s mechanical fingers to press, and it opens to reveal... Pistol and Assault Rifle ammunition.

“Sweet. Just divvy this stuff up evenly and we’ll actually be able to shoot again.” Anthony says, loading his Hyperion up again. “Was getting tired of running on empty.”

“Where’d you get that grenade anyway?” Dash asks, confused.

“Grenade mods. Most people, when they die, forget to take the grenade out of them and so there’s usually one or two to pick up even if you don’t have clearance for the mod itself.”

“Huh. Cool.”

“Same can be said for guns. Sometimes, rarely, they have ammo still in them.”

“So we can reload even if we run out as long as we keep taking out bandits?”

“Exactly... assuming they haven’t fired every shot they have by the time we kill them.”

“So.” Pinkie says, hopping back to the group. “Is that a shock barrel?” She asks, pointing to a blue barrel, sparking wildly.

“Yeah. That’d kill a shield in a second. Shock damage eats shield power like nobody’s business, while Fire isn’t good against shields but great against unarmored guys.”

“And what’s the green one?”

“Corrosive. Same as fire, but it’s for armored and metal guys like the loaders, not fleshy guys like bandits and bullymongs.”

“So it’s Rock Paper Scissors!” Pinkie exclaims happily. “Each one is better than the last.”

“Not quite, more like each one is best for a specific scenario. And guns, usually Maliwan, have elements too.”

“So you mean I could get a shotgun that shoots electricity?” Pinkie shouts, excitedly, which, again disturbs Anthony and Dash alike.

“Uh... yeah... or a Sniper rifle that’d melt a ‘bot down to nothing.”

“This is gonna be fun! Where do we get one?”

“Loot one, or buy one, just like any other gun.” Anthony says, pointing to a Vending machine. “Though that’s an Ammo Dump. They only sell ammo and grenade mods.”

“Oooh! Wait, does that mean they only buy those things, too?” Pinkie asks.

“Nope, Marcus isn’t picky. As long as it’s good enough to have a price tag on it, he’ll buy it, refurbish it, and sell it again at one of his gun vendors.”

“Wait, you mentioned Marcus before, and said he’s super cool. But he sells more than guns?”

“Yep, he’ll sell anything you want, whether you’re a newbie Vault Hunter or a trained legal assassin.” Anthony says, walking over to the vending machine to refill on pistol ammo. “Trust me, it’ll be a cold day in hell when Marcus isn’t helping out the hired guns.”

The vending machine gives a hearty “Thanks for the scratch!” as Anthony finishes his purchase and reloads his pistol.

“Alright, locked and loaded. let’s go level up and get some more loot.”

“Yeah, but we should probably get some better shields.” Pinkie suggests.

“Speak for yourself!” Dash says, showing off her Pangolin again. “This thing’ll take more bullets than both of you combined with shields!”

“As long as you don’t let it run out that is.” Anthony warns. “Pangolin works on a risk-reward system. See that tag on its stat card? Minus forty-seven health.”

“Oh, huh... how does that even work?”

“Ya got me.” Anthony says with a shrug.

“Well, now that I have bullets for it, I can try using this assault rifle. You said they have good rate of fire, better than the smig, right?”

“Nah, SMGs put out a lot more bullets, but the Assault rifle does more damage. You can see by looking at the stats. The green arrows show a boost if you switch and red arrows are a detraction.”

“Oooh! That’s what those meant. I was wondering.”

“Yeah, now let’s see, this Assault rifle has...” Rainbow Dash stares at the gun for a good minute and a half.

“What do you think, Dash?”

“Ugh, that reload speed is nutso! I’m sticking with Tediore.”

“Suit yourself.” Anthony says. “Pass me some ammo for this guy?”

Dash passes the bullets and Anthony reloads it. “Ah yeah, this clip is Bandit make.”

“Bandits make guns?”

Anthony shrugs. “If you can’t loot one, make one, right?”

“I suppose that makes sense...” Dash says.

“So what do Bandit guns do?” Pinkie asks, staring at the clip.

“Bigger clip size, usually holds a ton more ammo, but that makes reloading slow. This thing takes about... three seconds to reload but can fire around fifty times before running out.”

“That’s a lot of bullets!” Pinkie says, wide-eyed “You could take out an entire camp with that!”

“Yeah...” Rainbow says. “But with that reload speed, you’ll be shot before you can swap mags.”

Anthony stares at the ponies debating the gun. Yesterday, just yesterday they were pacifistic mostly-vegetarian ponies. Now, they were Vault Hunters in training. “Pandora really does change people...”

“Hey, Anthony, it’s a little chilly here. Can we get coats in Sanctuary?” Pinkie asks, shaking her body from the cold. Dash isn’t affected yet, but she’s a pegasus, and they’re in the sun still. It’ll get a lot colder the next time they’re all in caves or something, or at night. And Anthony’s starting to feel the cold, too.

“Most likely... Sanctuary is a place for the rebels, a haven for Vault Hunters. The only place Jack can’t touch.” He didn’t have the heart to tell them about Jack’s plan for Sanctuary just yet.

“Well let’s get there fast. We need to go before it gets dark or I’ll be a Pinkie-sicle!”

“But how?” Anthony asks, out of ideas. “We don’t have a vehicle.”

Dash groans. “And I couldn’t fly you both at the same time if I could fly here...”

Pinkie sighs. “We’d better get walking then, shouldn’t we?” she says, sounding unhappy.

“Yeah... Hopefully we can find a Catch-A-Ride or something. They’re like the Vending Machines but-”

“Hey! This’s where the cars live, gitchu one!” comes the familiar voice of Sanctuary’s mechanic from a machine.

“Yes! The gods have not forsaken us!” Anthony runs up to the machine but realises he’s not a ‘registered user’ and so was unable to order a car. “Damnit! So close, but so far...”

“Ey! Who’s messin’ with my systems? I know it ain’t the Vault Hunters, theys already paid. Who’re you?” Scooter’s voice comes in clear, broadcasting through the speakers at the Catch-A-Ride.

“We’re Vault Hunters!” Pinkie says.

“Uh... in training.” Anthony supplements. “How much to become registered?”

“Choo’s Vault Hunters? More of ‘em? Waitasec, how do ah know you ain’t Hyperion?”

Anthony then grins. “Because anyone from Hyperion wouldn’t have the nards to say that Jack’s the biggest dickhead in the whole darn galaxy.”

“... Fair ‘nuff. Ah don’t really charge fer the Catch-A-Rides, unless you scrap one ah my beauties, I’ll jes add you to the user base... aight! Yer good to go! Come in and say ‘hey’ when you get to Sanctuary, so ah can hit cha if you lied to me about bein’ Hyperion.”

“Sure thing, dude.” Anthony replies, “Seeya soon.”

The machine clicks off and a vehicle meant for two people spawns in, one driver, one gunner. “I’m driving!” Rainbow shouts. “You guys are too slow!”

“You don’t know how to drive, Dash.”

“Pfft, can’t be that hard.”

Well, two crashes and a new car later, and she had it under her hooves.

Anthony taking the gunner seat, aims the turret around and, with Pinkie’s ‘help’ with aiming, manages to take out a few Bullymongs. Not many, but a few.

“How much further to Sanctuary!?” Dash yells above the roar of the engine and the wind rushing past the group as the vehicle rockets across the landscape.

“Check the m- minimap on your ECHO!” Anthony shouts back.

“Got it. Be there in a few minutes at this rate!”

“In one piece!?” Anthony asks, seriously.

“No guarantees, dude! Hey, what’s this one do?” Dash slams a pedal down as hard as she can, and the car’s boosters activate sends the car flying, almost literally, across the wastelands, Anthony having to keep a deathgrip on the turret’s handles to keep from being flung off.

“This place is amazing!” Rainbow yells, enjoying the speed she had missed with her wings being useless.

“And d-dangerous!” Anthony yells, while Pinkie just whoops and screams happily at the ride.

“Mare up, pansy!” Dash cackles, face pulled into a rictus grin of adrenaline-fueled, heart-pounding joy.

After several lightspeed minutes the group crashes hard into the wall that is Sanctuary’s main gate, leaving a large dent in it and the car alike, and the group panting as they come off the adrenaline rush. “Okay... Never again!”

“How else are we supposed to get around though?”

“...Urgh...”

Dash backs up the vehicle and the group heads over to the comm station next to Sanctuary’s gates and a holographic image of a Crimson Raider shows up. “You Bandit skaglicks won’t get in that easi- Wait, what the heck are you?”

“We’re ponies!” Pinkie says happily. “Oops, I mean, we’re Vault Hunters!”

The Crimson Raider just stares blankly at the trio through his face-covering mask. “Well... that’s a new one.”

“Just let us in, would ya? It’s getting cold out here.” Anthony pleads.

“I don’t know... well, alright but if those things start pooping all over the place we’re gonna have a serious problem.”

Dash and Pinkie look horribly offended but Anthony stands between them and the hologram. “Don’t worry, they’re house trained.”

“Fine, fine, and if you really are Vault Hunters, we could use some help with a situation.”

“Sure, we’ll help any way we can!” Dash says, as if the job was already completed.

The gate shudders and lowers into the ground until it comes to a grinding halt, the dent put into it large enough to keep it from shifting aside into its ‘open’ position.

“Uh, hold on, we’ll get someone to fix that, just sit tight. And watch out for Skags!” With that, the hologram flickers out.

“How long do you think we have to wait?”

“Long enough for us to kill ya and take yer gear!” The deep voice of a Nomad bandit calls out as a group of bandits, now alerted to the presence of self-proclaimed Vault Hunters, grab their weapons and begin firing at the trio.

“Shit, we need cover!”

“The car!” Pinkie yells as Anthony and Dash slide into position behind the car, defending them from the gunfire. “That’s not what I meant.” Pinkie says, a manic grin on her face.

With a whoop, Pinkie jumps into the turret seat and takes out several bandits simply by mowing them down by sheer amount of ammo being slammed into them.

Anthony takes the opportunity to duck down and, now leaning out the side of the car, starts shooting at the Nomad but the smarter bandit holds up his massive shield made from a blast door, blocking the turret and assault rifle fire. After a time, the nomad starts advancing on the group and taunting them.

Dash runs out and charges the Nomad who attempts to swat Dash away with a shield bash, but is snagged in the knee by a stray bullet from Anthony’s low angle shots. Dash drops an unmodded grenade at the nomad’s feet and rushes back behind the car and...

“Awwww, nuts!”

*Boom!*

The nomad, blown to bits where his shield couldn’t protect him, drops the massive blast door, unshielding the myriad bandits that were hiding behind it. Several moments of shooting continue until it peters out.

When no more bandits come, the group stops panting then Anthony stares at Dash. “Are you nuts?”

“Yeah, dunno what I was thinking!” Dash admits.

“That was amazing! Pinkie shouts! “We were like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dakka! and he was all ‘hahahaha!’ and then Dashie was all zoom and then he went ker-blooeey!”

“Yeah Pinkie.” Anthony says, laughing. “We were there.”

“Looting time!” Pinkie shouts as she flips out of the turret seat and head over to the camp. From his point, Anthony can see the pale lights of some ammo, as well as a few white beams and two green beams. Hopefully, he thinks, they’re in their level range.

“So what we got, Pinks?” Rainbow asks, walking up, as Anthony loads up with the ammo available.

“Hmm... well, there’s a shield, and it says it reduces explosion damage, a long rifle in camo colors, a shotgun that’s all red and purple, a Grenade Mod, and a colorful pistol with blue lights on it!” she says, pushing them to the front. The rest is, as you would call it, ‘Vendor Trash’!” she beams up at Anthony, looking for his approval.

“Nice, this shock pistol will help take care of any shielded bandits.” Anthony says, replacing his old Hyperion pistol with the new Maliwan. “That Grenade mod would be good for Dash, it’s a Homing Mirv.”

“Why would that be good?” Rainbow asks, confusedly.

“Okay, homing means it’ll home in on a target. Rather than having to drop a grenade at his feet, you just toss it and it’ll head right for him. The mirv part means it’s gonna make little smaller ‘nades after the initial blast and hit any other baddies nearby, blowing them up too.”

Rainbow lets out an ‘Oooooooh’ at the description and hooks the grenade mod to her exoskeleton rig.

“And what’s this one?” Pinkie asks, holding up the sniper rifle. “It looks kinda... well the stats are really weird.”

Anthony takes the gun and says “It’s a sniper. It’s meant for hitting far away targets with accuracy. And it’s Dahl make, that means it’s got burst-fire. And this Hyperion scope gives it a good view distance.”

“What’s that mean though?” Pinkie asks.

Anthony looks through the scope and picks a lonely Psycho along the road out a decent distance away. “See that psycho over there?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

Anthony gets on one knee and takes several minutes getting the position just right. Dash however gets impatient. “Just show us already!”

“Shush you, I’m not that good with snipers, never had any practice.” Anthony aims carefully and, once the psycho has sat down in the snowy sand, takes the shot.

With a loud, repeated bang-bangbangbang! the sniper rifle fires four bullets at the psycho, the first two missing, but the other two blowing its head off at the neck.

“Wowie! That’s a lot of power!”

“That’s a Dahl sniper for ya.” Anthony says, showing it to Pinkie. “Use it to pick off guys that are charging from far away.”

Pinkie salutes and the group turns to the entrance of Sanctuary as the door finally slides down far enough for the group to to step over the top of the gate.