Vanguard couldn’t stop thinking about the attempt on Celestia’s life, even as he went through the motions of his normal daily routine. It was just so… odd. The castle’s floor plans weren’t public knowledge, but the group had beelined straight for Celestia’s rooms. They had that paralytic gas, but were trying to use something else on Celestia. Why? Did they not have enough of the second stuff? And that one pony was so confident that, once they’d jammed that hose through the door, everything on her side was fine, but Celestia seemed to be doing all right, from what he’d heard. Questions, questions.

The worst part about it was not being able to do anything; everything was involved in the hooves of somepony else, and Vanguard was stuck waiting for them to get back to him. He hadn’t gotten to be Captain of the Guard by sitting around on his rump all day; he liked to do stuff.

So that evening, when he heard that some results were coming in regarding the paralytic, he jumped at the chance to actually go and hear it personally. He could send someone else, obviously, but then he’d be waiting some more.

The crime labs were busier than usual, but there was still plenty of space for Vanguard to weave through. A dark purple Earth stallion was standing outside the room he’d been sent to. The stallion nodded at him. “Dupinto. I’m the detective assigned to this case.”

The name was a bit familiar to Vanguard, but he couldn’t place it. Oh, well. “Captain Dauntless Vanguard. I helped stop the attack last night.” Then the name came to him. “Weren’t you assigned to the Elements of Harmony case?”

“We think there might be a link between that and this. They’re just too big and happening too close together to be coincidence.” Dupinto sighed. “Which is good, because, let me t-”

The lab door opened and a mop-haired assistant poked his head out. “Tyndall’s ready when you are,” he said.

Vanguard and Dupinto entered the lab. It was that cold, white, sterile feeling of labs everywhere (which meant it was properly maintained, but Vanguard still hated it), and every tabletop was almost completely filled with either equipment or papers or both. A few assistants were wrapping things up for the night. Tyndall was standing in a corner, magically suspending a liquid-filled test tube in front of a light and slowly turning it back and forth.

Doctor Tyndall was a unicorn, and smart enough to be both a chemist and an alchemist -- although she’d probably say the proper term was “arcanoherbalist” or something, as she’d given up on turning lead into gold a while back and had a thing for using proper terms. Everyone had tried to persuade her that the term “alchemy” had considerably broadened since the first experiments, and everyone had failed. But she was good at her job, and that was what counted.

“Yello,” she said to Vanguard and Dupinto without looking at them. She frowned and tapped the test tube. “Hmm.” She put the tube away and began levitating a clipboard as she turned to the pair. “So, sirs, here’s what I got on that gas.

“First, Captain, you’ll be relieved to hear that all of your stallions should make a full recovery by tomorrow.” As Vanguard breathed out a sigh of relief, Tyndall continued, “Some, in fact, already have. Based on our analysis, the paralytic has no side effects -- physical, magical, or otherwise -- which may actually be a help in your investigation, Detective.”

She began flipping through the papers on her clipboard. “See, the main component of the gas, a plant called the atropia, is sometimes used as an anesthetic for precisely this reason. But the atropia doesn’t grow well in most climes. It requires lots and I mean lots of water, so it’s generally only grown near seas or lakes, especially at…” Tyndall stopped flipping, frowned at her clipboard, and tapped a line on the paper. “…at seaweed or kelp farms, and there aren’t a lot of those in Equestria.”

Dupinto nodded. “I don’t suppose you could tell whether it was grown in salt- or freshwater?”

“Unfortunately, no,” said Tyndall, shaking her head. “This stuff was very concentrated. Any traces of salinity were ironed out in the process. And the atropia grows equally well in both environments.”

“So look at seafood farms,” said Dupinto. He said it distantly, like he was saying it to himself and thinking of something at the same time.

“Do you have anything on the stuff used on Celestia?” asked Vanguard.

Tyndall flicked her ears and cocked her head. “Yes… and no. We didn’t have any gas to analyze, so nothing there, but… you know that big bulb they had on top of it? The inside was layered with magic. Strong magic. It was meant to keep something in. Some kind of spell. I think the gas was just the medium to transmit the spell, rather than anything picked for its own character. And we don’t know what kind of spell it was. Celestia needs to be checked out ASAP.”

And yet another pony was talking about that. Hopefully Celestia wouldn’t brush it off like she did last night.

“But aside from that…” Tyndall shrugged. “That’s all I got. Sorry it’s so little.”

“It’s enough,” said Vanguard. Of course, enough was hardly preferred, but he’d take what he could get, especially since his stallions would be okay. “Thanks.”

Dupinto blinked out of his fugue, and said, “Yeah, that, that should be good. Hmm.”

Outside the lab, Vanguard raised an eyebrow at Dupinto. “What’s up?”

Dupinto waved a hoof noncommittally. “Oh, it’s nothing, just thinking of possible leads. Start with kelp or seaweed farms, cross-reference them wi-”

A courier slid to a halt in front of them. “Convenient,” she said breathlessly. “Sirs.” She shoved a scroll at each of them and was gone.

Dupinto looked at his scroll, then at Vanguard. “Ten bits says it’s related to last night. For both of us.”

“Not taking that,” said Vanguard, opening the message, “because that’s what I was going to say.” He read a few lines from the scroll, and… “Bingo. There’s an interrogation of their leader in about two hours, and Luna wants us both to attend.” He frowned. Just Luna? Not Celestia?

“Two hours?” Dupinto tapped his chin. “Should be time,” he muttered.

“For what?”

Dupinto began trotting down the hall. “I want to check something out,” he called out over his shoulder. “Evidence, maybe. Long shot, but I got nothing better to do. Feel free to tag along.”

Vanguard thought about it, but only for a second. He set off after Dupinto.

He began having second thoughts when they wound up in front of a place called “Party Planning Potpourri”.

“Really?” Vanguard asked Dupinto.

“I know, I know,” said Dupinto. “But I know Misty Draft. She might be able to identify the smoke machine from its serial number.”

“The place closed more than half an hour ago. She might not be here.”

“She likes to work late and get the floors really clean.”

“It’s a party store.”

“It’s one of the best party stores in Canterlot and a prime source of smoke machines.”

Vanguard rolled his eyes. “This better be worth it.”

“I hope it is.” Dupinto rapped his hoof on the door a few times.

A few seconds later, a harsh voice screeched out, “We’re closed!” Vanguard stuffed his hooves in his ears.

“Uh, hey, Mist?” said Dupinto. “It’s me, Dupinto. I have a question, if you have the time.”

A pair of eyes peeked out from behind the CLOSED sign, then pulled back as the door opened. A somewhat aged Earth mare stood in front of them. She was a soft, pale blue with a gray mane and tail, and smiling broadly. “Sorry,” she said in a much sweeter voice. “But the last few days have been bad about ponies trying to get in after hours.” She looked over Dupinto’s shoulder at Vanguard. “And you?”

“Captain Dauntless Vanguard, ma’am,” said Vanguard.

Misty blinked and her smile was gone. “Is this about this morning? About Celestia? Beca-”

Dupinto silenced her with a wave of a hoof. “You worry too much. Look, it’s nothing about you, I’m just hoping you can help us a bit.”

Misty nodded. “Alrighty. Come inside, why don’t you?”

Inside was the usual assortment of party gear Vanguard was expecting, although there seemed to be an awful lot of pink. Misty sat down behind the counter. “So, what is it you got?”

“Last night,” said Dupinto, “the invasion of Canterlot Castle involved a fog machine as an improvised gas dispenser, and I was just wondering if you were familiar with the serial number.” He pulled out a sheaf of papers; the evidence file, Vanguard supposed. Dupinto began reading from it. “FD7-”

“Gimme.” Misty yanked the papers away and looked at the serial number herself. After a few seconds, she nodded. “Yeah, I think I know that. Just hang on.” She pulled out an item catalog and flipped through it. Stopping on a page, she nodded after a moment and put the catalog away. “Yeah, that’s one of our more expensive fog machines. Very versatile, but not a lot of demand for it. Mostly Penny Pincher.”

Vanguard twitched at the mention of the Royal Treasurer. “Whoa, whoa, you’re just volunteering that? Isn’t there some kind of confidentiality in this?”

Misty snorted. “Normally, yes, but if he wants confidentiality, he can stop trying to haggle the price down when it’s already half off. He owns his own nightclub, he doesn’t need to save a few bits on a single fog machine.”

Yeah, that sounded like Penny Pincher, all right.

“Exactly how little demand for this machine is there?” asked Dupinto. His ears were perking up a little. “Or have you had any thefts?”

“No thefts,” said Misty, “and there’s only been a few sales of this in the past year. Five or… No, six. Yeah, six. And half those? Penny Pincher.”

“Do you have your sales records?”

“Not on me, and it’ll take a little while to get through all them and find the orders you want. A few days at least, but they’re yours once I find them. And I’ll let you know if someone orders one soon; maybe they had it stolen and need it replaced.”

Dupinto grinned. “Perfect. Thanks, Misty. This was a big help.”

“Anytime. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” She shifted back to her harsh voice. “Get outta my store! We’re closed!”

Dupinto was still grinning when they were outside. “Ha. See? It was worth it.”

“We don’t have anything new.”

“Not yet. But in a few days, or a week, we’ll have some more leads. And just think!” Dupinto’s expression became downright dreamy. “We might just pin this on Penny Pincher. Getting him fired because he supported a coup. Wouldn’t that be lovely?”

“It would,” admitted Vanguard, “but, really, how likely do you think that is?”

“Stop ruining my dream!”

They were still arguing about it as they made their way to the interrogation room. But that stopped as they got closer; even some distance away, they heard something they’d never heard before.

Celestia and Luna yelling at each other.

The Princesses didn’t agree 100% of the time, obviously. That was nearly impossible for any two ponies. And they didn’t try to hide that fact; there was generally one day in any given year when Vanguard could walk past Celestia and Luna arguing, they’d notice him, acknowledge him in some way, and then go right back to arguing. But they’d always kept things low-key, civil. There were raised voices, but never yells. It never sounded like they were going for each other’s throats.

Until now.

“For the last time, Luna,” yelled Celestia, “we do not need to follow this any farther! I am Princess, and-”

“As am I!” Luna snapped back. “Time and time again I have heard your reasoning, and time and time again it sounds absurd!”

Vanguard and Dupinto looked at each other and kept moving in a nervous silence. Outside the interrogation room, a small cluster of ponies was gathered, staring at the two princesses while keeping well away from both of them. For their part, Celestia and Luna were glaring at each other so fiercely Vanguard could swear he heard the air crackling.

“You keep saying we shouldn’t worry the citizens,” Luna continued, “but they know about last night! How could they not? You simply dropping the matter is not doing them any favors!”

“In what way?” snapped Celestia. “When they see that I’m not worried about this-”

“There is a difference,” said Luna, “between not worried and apathetic. Not worried is, at the very least, taking steps to find who did this, forgiving them, and dropping the matter with no hard feelings. Apathetic-” Her voice began echoing. “-is not doing a single thing after an attempt on your life! You are more than just a ruler of Equestria, you are also a symbol of it. Your actions are the nation’s actions, and yet your idea of ‘protecting’ the people is to simply sweep big problems under the rug?”

Celestia laughed bitterly. “Hardly. You never were one for subtlety, an-”

Anyone could see that it was at that precise moment Luna snapped. Not in an explosion way, more an angry-resignation way. Vanguard knew why: anyone who said Luna lacked subtlety hadn’t properly seen the night sky. Luna may have been more… flamboyant than Celestia, but she took great pride in filling the night sky with more nuance than you could shake a stick at.

“If that is how you see it,” said Luna. Her voice had dropped in volume, but it was hard to miss the contempt dripping from her words. “But I must attend to the dusk. I acquiesce to you and take my leave. Good. Night.” She strode through the crowd, which parted for her like water parts around a rock, and flicked her tail at Celestia.

Celestia snorted, then turned to the crowd. “Excuse me,” she said, her voice falsely cheery, “but is Detective Dupinto in there, by any chance?”

Vanguard and Dupinto looked at each other, and Dupinto was visibly shaking. “Wish me luck,” he mumbled to Vanguard, then pushed his way through the crowd. “Here, Your Grace,” he called out.

“Good. In case you missed the bulk of that discussion-” (Vanguard thought “battleground” would be more apt.) “-I have decided to halt all investigation into last night’s invasion. I don’t want the populace to think I am nervous because of a failed attempt on my life, and so I don’t want to waste anypony’s time investigating something that is of no consequence.”

There was silence in the room for a few seconds as Dupinto waited for some additional explanation, something more concrete. But none was forthcoming. Luna was right. That was a load of fertilizer. But Dupinto just said, “Understood, Princess.”

“I understand you have a copy of the case file. May I see it?”

“Right here, ma’am.” Dupinto produced the file, then yelped and jumped back as it caught fire in his hoof. Within seconds, all information on the case had been burned to ash.

“There’s no need for a case file if there’s no case,” said Celestia. “Dismissed.” She went through her own parting in the ground and was gone.

For maybe ten seconds, you could hear a pin drop. Then everypony started talking at once and mumbling under their breath. No one liked being here, but no one seemed to want to leave.

Dupinto forced his way back through the crowd to Vanguard. “Is just me,” he asked, “or is that the biggest load of crap you’ve ever heard?”

“It’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard.”

“Good.” Dupinto groaned and ran a hoof through his mane. “This is… I don’t know. Stupid. Crazy. Both.”

“Not just both,” muttered Vanguard. “Something big is up. This isn’t like Celestia.”

“Ya think?” hissed Dupinto. “I honestly thought she might kill me. That’s…” He shuddered. “That is messed up.”

“Yeah.” What else was there to say?

“Any ideas on how to continue the investigation?” Dupinto asked. Then he twitched and added, “I-I mean, if you, y’know, want to, I- hardly want t-”

“Something’s wrong with Celestia,” said Vanguard, nodding. “She wouldn’t stop this if she were sane. What leads do we have?”

“There’s not much, just that atropis plant, the fog machine we’re waiting for, and the prisoners.”

“Kelp and seaweed farms,” said Vanguard. “For th-”

Dupinto groaned. “I wish. I can look them up, but without royal approval, there isn’t much else I can do, and I’ll have to do it on my spare time.”

“And we can’t do anything about the fog machine just yet.” Vanguard’s spirits were sinking even further than they already had been. “And the prisoners will probably be kept away, with no one allowed to talk to them at all.”

“Probably,” said Dupinto, nodding glumly. “Even though the whole thing’s supposed to be closed.” He looked at Vanguard with wide, pleading eyes. “Please. Can you think of anything, anything else?”

Vanguard opened his mouth, ready to say something. But nothing came out. Dupinto didn’t even look that confident, simply staring blankly at Vanguard. Wheels churned and their minds worked, but nothing came out.

Eventually, Vanguard admitted, “No.”

“Me neither.”

“So unless one of is about to get a brilliant idea on our hooves, we’re stuck.”

“Yeah.”

“Great. Just great.”