When you spend the whole night disobeying orders from Princess Celestia and one of the first things you get the next day is a personal summons from Princess Celestia, you tend to get a bit nervous.

Vanguard stood in the throne room, almost sweating bullets as Celestia paced back and forth before him. Off to one side, a mousey unicorn scribe stood by, ready to transcribe Celestia’s words. Vanguard wasn’t sure why the scribe was there; Celestia had never had one for situations like this before. Normally, scribes only popped up at exceptionally important events. But for all he knew, Celestia did think this was important. Which didn’t exactly bode well for him, one way or another.

After a while, Celestia stopped and said, “Perhaps I’m crazy, Captain-” (Oh, gee, you think? thought Vanguard.) “-but sometimes I fear that our relationship with the Crystal Empire is not as strong as it could be.” The scribe was already writing furiously.

Well, um, okay. Some of the anxiety left Vanguard. Some. “How so, Your Highness?” he managed to ask.

Celestia began pacing again. “It’s supposedly a part of Equestria, but when was the last time you saw a Crystal Pony? Pictures don’t count.”

“I don’t think I ever have.”

“Exactly. They’re practically segregated from us. Non-Crystal ponies mostly only head there for simple tourism. Yes, there are non-Crystals living there, but they’re in a miniscule minority. We need to reduce that sort of gap, but I can’t order citizens to move from one city to another on such flimsy circumstances.”

Why not? Vanguard thought bitterly. It hasn’t stopped you these past few days.

“But then I had an idea,” continued Celestia. “The Royal Guard is, in essence, under my command. And this is a time of relative peace, where guards merely stay at their barracks and train to pass the time, rather than fight and train because it’s needed.” A bit condescending, but technically true. “But which barracks they’re at doesn’t matter all that much, does it?”

“I… guess not.”

“So I was thinking that we take some guards from the Crystal Empire, some guards from Canterlot, and simply switch around their home bases for the time being. Rather than being stationed in the Crystal Empire or in Canterlot, they’re simply stationed in the opposite place. Temporarily, of course.”

“So, they’d be…” Vanguard tilted his head and scratched it. “…transfer soldiers? You know, like transfer students, except… not.”

Celestia nodded. “I couldn’t have said it better myself. The Crystal Guards will see Canterlot, the Canterlot Guards will see the Crystal Empire, and hopefully, communication between the two cities will be strengthened.”

That was perhaps the most reasonable idea Celestia had had in the last few days. Which wasn’t saying a whole lot, and it still wasn’t great; there’d be a lot of reworking of schedules to accommodate the new arrivals and the lack of whichever guards were leaving, but that’d just take time. On the whole, it was kind of clever; it was always a good idea to try to foster camaraderie between the services. “And when do you propose we start?”

“They’ll be here this afternoon.”

…

…What.

No, seriously. What.

No. No no no. Nonononononononono. This was not possible. This was not happening. There just wasn’t enough time t-

“Why are you looking at me like that, Captain?”

The silence broken by the scribe’s scribbling, Vanguard’s brain slowly started working again, and he laughed nervously. “S-surely you can’t be serious, Your Highness. I’ll need time to change schedules, to pick which guards here ar-”

“I chose which guards are leaving here at random. I felt it would be the best representation of Equestria’s military and the Canterlot Guard, untouched by any bias.”

“At rand-” sputtered Vanguard. “Do they know they’ll be leaving? When will they be leaving?”

“They will be informed of it today and leaving next week. Regrettably, circumstances prevented me from getting the notices out earlier, which in turn forced me to delay their transportation.”

Vanguard was dumbstruck. She couldn’t even get this synchronized right? There was a whole week between transfers? Why couldn’t she also delay the Crystal Guard transfers? And what was this crap about “getting the notices out earlier”? She’d been planning this for a while, and yet he was only learning about this now? “Your Highness, the barracks have only so much space, I don’t think we have eno-”

Celestia silenced him with a wave of her hoof. “The Crystal Guard shall stay in the royal apartments until your own stallions leave. It will get a little cramped, but they’ll manage. I had the numbers run.”

Oh, sure. Suuuure. She had enough foresight to be sure that there was enough room for the incoming guards, but couldn’t get the messages out to the guards here on time. Ha. Ha ha. HA HA HA. Good joke. It was so funny, I forgot to laugh.

Vanguard forced himself to look calm. This was a fiasco, a complete snafu, but he could tell that his protests would just get shot down by increasingly idiotic excuses. Instead, he said, “I understand. Is there anything else?” In spite of his efforts, each word came out as if it was forced from between a ringer.

“Not at the moment, no, but you can expect a message from me later in the day. Dismissed.”

Vanguard stiffly bowed and headed for the door.

“Oh, and Captain?”

Vanguard stopped, but didn’t turn to face her. He didn’t think he could do so without getting an unrestrainable urge to blast Celestia’s newly-stupid face in. “Yes?”

“I doubt this matters to you, but I had the prisoners from the invasion moved elsewhere, away from Canterlot. With the investigation dropped, I don’t want any misguided citizens attempting to administer vigilante justice.”

This just kept getting better and better. “And I assume that even I’m not allowed to know where they are?”

“I’m afraid not. Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead. And I don’t want you dead.”

“I understand, milady.” That you’re a complete imbecile.

“Again, dismissed.”

Vanguard waited until she was out of earshot to start screaming.

Vanguard glared at the letter, almost willing it to burst into flames. (Almost because if he did will it, his magic would make it so.) He’d read it a dozen times over, and each time had made him more and more angry.

Captain,

Per our discussion, my selected regiment of the Crystal Guard shall be arriving by train at 3:00 this afternoon. Logically, somepony should be there to greet them and get them organized. Every little bit helps, after all. Although I leave the final decision up to you, you yourself could be there to greet them. Superior officers tend to have a way with getting the rank and file to listen. Even I know that much.

Help the Crystal Guards get to know where they’ll be staying. Even if they stay in the apartments for the next week, it is essential that they learn about their temporary homes as soon as possible. Listen to what they say and any suggestions they make. Perhaps they, as newcomers to this place, will identify problems that Canterlot Guards cannot.

My expectations are high for this. Even if nothing large comes of it, it will introduce guards on both sides to the larger world around them.

Princess Celestia

It was perhaps one of the stupidest letters he’d ever read. Vague, with pretty much no actual instructions, and maybe just a little bit patronizing. He felt like he was being treated like a colt, being told the military equivalent of “Wash behind your ears and under your tail!”

He groaned yet again and stowed the letter away as the Crystal Express pulled into the station. He had some sergeants under him to assist with getting the guards off the train and to their proper places, but… Long story short, he was not looking forward to this in the slightest.

The first Crystal Pony to step off saluted him. “Lieutenant Rampart Watch, sir,” he said. “I’m the head of these guardsponies.”

“Mmhmm. Great,” muttered Vanguard. “Form up your stallions behind those sergeants and be quick about it. I want them settled in ASAP.”

As the guards began filing out of the train, Rampart cocked his head. “Something wrong, sir?”

“No, no, not at all,” said Vanguard, his voice thick with sarcasm. “It’s just that today’s the first day I’ve heard about this.”

“To… today? You can’t be serious.”

“Can be and am.” Vanguard rubbed his head and groaned. “I’m really stressed out right now. It’s not your fault, but a word of warning all the same.”

Rampart swallowed. “Then I guess there won’t be much chance for anything resembling assignments tonight?”

“You’d have a better chance convincing a pegasus to cut off their wings,” said Vanguard, laughing bitterly. “And have you heard the details about the Canterlot Guard going to the Crystal Empire? Our beloved princess couldn’t even get the transfers synchronized.” He ground his teeth. “They won’t be moving until next week.”

“Next week,” Rampart said flatly. “That’s… that’s insane. I’d heard that there were some problems with sleeping quarters, but not like that.”

“Yeah, but are you going to tell that to Celestia? She’s…” Vanguard lowered his voice. “She’s gotten weird.”

“Weird?” Rampart stiffened and his eyes narrowed slightly. “Weird how?” A little bit of tension was creeping into his voice.

“Yeah,” said Vanguard with a nod. “Ever since the attack. I can feel it. She’s snippy is what she is. She used to be just fine with criticism as long as it was valid, but now she’s gotten… domineering. It’s more than just throwing her weight around; she’s flat-out sitting on you.”

“Celestia’s not domineering,” said Rampart slowly.

“Did you hear what I said?” Vanguard said in a long-suffering tone. “That’s how she’s getting weird.”

“M-maybe she’s just nervous. Stressed.”

“Oh, no. No no no. It’s a long story, but this is not stress. This is something else.”

Rampart blinked and shuffled his hooves a little. “So, um, are you doing anything about it?”

And that was when Vanguard turned suspicious. Just a little. Considering Celestia’s place, the assumption that he’d do anything about it — that he’d be able to do something about it — was kind of… out-of-place. Why would he do something about it? Okay, yeah, he was, but that was only because Princess Luna — Princess Luna herself — had approached him about it, and that was kind of a Big Deal. If she hadn’t, he’d just let it stew in silence.

So Vanguard didn’t answer that. Instead, he said, “Come on. You really think I could do something about it, even if I found out anything? Seriously. She’s Princess Celestia. I can’t touch her.”

“…Right.” Rampart shuffled his hooves again. “The Crystal Guards are staying in the royal apartments, right?”

“Yeah.” Vanguard managed to bite back a sigh. “I’ll show you to them. Do your stallions have any sort of arrangement for who goes where?”

“No.”

Oooooof course. “Then we’d better get that sorted out.” This is going to be fun.

“…so that’s the situation, and it sucks.”

Vanguard was back in the dreamworld, on the door path with Luna and Dupinto, pacing back and forth. He’d only been there a minute, but he really needed someone to vent to. At least they were a good audience.

“And I mean sucks, on an untold cosmic scale. I don’t know what in the blasted blue blazes she’s thinking, springing that on me like that. It’s like, come on. Just come on. You really expect me to work with all that?” Vanguard screamed in frustration and banged his head against one of the doors, which splintered into sawdust for a few seconds.

“And it’s not just me she’s hurting,” he said, going back to pacing. “This one guy, he’s got a daughter he hasn’t seen in years, and she was coming down from Seaddle in a few weeks to visit. But guess what? He’s one of the guards going to the Crystal Empire, so that’s completely shot. Honestly, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

“Ah,” said Dupinto nervously. He glanced back and forth between Vanguard and Luna. “So, um, since you’re not, you know, having the best day, do you think that maybe we should, um, put this questioning off until tomorrow?”

“I’m afraid that is out of our control,” said Luna darkly. “While you were speaking, Captain, I was attempting to find the relevant dreamers, but something is blocking me.”

“Blocking?” asked Vanguard. “How could someone block you out? You’re one of the most powerful ponies in Equestria, a-”

“Dreams do not work like reality,” said Luna. “I may be the most powerful being in this realm, but there are still ways to keep me out, primarily by ensuring dreamless sleep via strong magic or simply staying awake.” She shrugged helplessly. “I cannot enter a dream if there is no dream to enter.”

“And this is… all the prisoners? And even Pennyroyal?”

Luna nodded glumly. “It is far too inconvenient to be a coincidence. Somehow, word of our talk got out.”

“But how?” said Dupinto. “It wasn’t me, and I trust you two. But the only other pony involved was Silver Tongue, and how could she say anything to anyone?”

“Unless…” Vanguard swallowed. He didn’t like where his thoughts were going. “Um, Your Highness, you said that you could read ponies’ minds, but you didn’t like to do that. Is it possible that Celestia could do it as well?”

“It is… certainly possible,” Luna said reluctantly, “but my sister would never do such a thing.”

“Yeah, see, I’m not so sure we’re dealing with Celestia anymore.” Vanguard began pacing again. “Think about it. She started going off the deep end after the attack. That gas they used did something to her. Maybe she’s being mind-controlled, maybe she’s just going crazy. But I’m positive she’s not the Celestia we know anymore.”

“The… thought had occurred to me,” mumbled Luna, “and I have somepony else investigating that. I can only hope I am wrong, but-”

“You’ve got another pony on this?” Dupinto asked. “Who? Maybe we should find them and try to work together.”

“You and she are working on two very different aspects of this,” said Luna. “I doubt either side could contribute much to the other. You two work in law enforcement. She is a political scientist. Still…” She tapped her chin. “I suppose I could give you her name, just in case. Greenback. She’s a unicorn.”

“Greenback,” repeated Dupinto. “Greenback. Got it.”

“Getting back to Celestia,” said Vanguard, “how likely do you think it is that she’s being affected in some way?” Part of him said that Luna’s views on the subject would naturally be skewed, but it would pay to get her opinion on this anyway.

“I cannot say,” said Luna, shaking her head. “It certainly would explain most of her behavior… but to what end is she working? Simply going mad can only justify so much. You said she claimed that this transfer soldier situation had been worked out previously, correct?”

Vanguard thought back. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so. She didn’t say when, but it did sound like she’d had this planned for a while. But she’d only picked the guards to go to the Crystal Empire today, and…” He paused and smacked his head. “Dangit,” he muttered, “I should’ve asked Rampart how long he’d been waiting for this. Oh, well.”

“So. Let us assume Celestia had the general idea planned out ahead of time.” Luna started pacing and her voice dropped to “thinking out loud” levels. “If some form of insanity was induced, that could explain her discrepancies in timing: she is simply not thinking straight. But if she is being controlled… what purpose would this serve? Why would someone want to bring a mass of Crystal Guards to Canterlot?” She looked up. “Captain, have these guards given you any personal problems? Issues targeted specifically at you?”

“No. There’s getting all the stuff sorted out, but nothing personal.”

“You think it might be something about the guards themselves?” Dupinto asked.

“Perhaps,” Luna said. “But we simply do not have enough information to make an accurate guess in this event. On any count.” She sighed. “I am sorry for dragging you from your rest tonight for nothing.”

“It was nothing,” said Dupinto, waving a hoof. “Not like I’m doing anything better.”

“I’m just glad I’m not dealing with problems that came from nowhere,” said Vanguard. He lowered his voice and began scowling. “Tomorrow’s gonna be fuuuuuuuuuun.”

“I wish you the best of luck, Captain,” said Luna. “Unfortunately, given the knowledge we currently possess, we cannot go any further without leaping into the realm of unjustified speculation. I do not think that we shall be meeting like this any more unless new information arises. Until then…” She bowed, and the dreamscape faded away.