Applejack gets a call from the president
by masonminor
Chapters
The Call
Applejack regurgitates with her hat on in a bathtub. She was relaxing until suddenly gets a call from her phone. It's her crazy nudist weird creepy uncle who wants her to come and help him move a love seat to his new apartment. Applejack lies to him and says, "Uh, sorry sugarcube, I can't help you 'cause i'm helping the President of the United States of America."
Applejack hangs up on the now angry family member and relaxes in the tub. Until she gets another phone call. A tiny President Obama tells Applejack, "Hi! I'm President Barack Obama, I need your help you apple-eating bag of shit. I need you to three very important things, or America will be destroyed!"
A sensual Applejack sexts from the tub and shouts, "Of course Mr. President Barack Obama, I'll do anything you need me to."
The President tells her, "Okay, the first thing you need to do is suck yourself with a huge ice pop, 123,456,789 times."
Applejack tells the president, "Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads!" and wiggles out of the tub. In the kitchen, Applejack is about to suck herself with a huge ice pop. But she gets freaked and fakes it.
The President screams, "Look here, you slimy cock Nazi, I have a 1,000 security cameras set up in your house and I know that you're lying!"
It is revealed that the President is in the same room as Applejack. The President threatens Applejack with a pencil. Applejack sexily says, "Did you just fart? Because you blew me away."
The President angrily exclaims, "STOP TRYING TO BUTTER ME UP AND GET TO IT!"
Applejack reluctantly sucks herself 123,456,789 times. The President watches her like a poised creep. The President regains his composure, "Okay, now it's time for your second task to save humanity. You need to attract a drunk old man with your rectum."
Applejack finds a drunk old man and happily does it. "Howdy, you drink stinky old man! My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in."
The President records it on his futuristic old woman's bra with a camera built in. The President says, "Okay, now for your final task to save humanity. Do a lap dance while singing Spoonful of Sugar and balancing dynamite on your head."
Applejack does this while the President dances along in the corner while making cat noises. Applejack suddenly trips and drops the dynamite, and chops her head off. The President sees this and laughs like Towlie from South Park, then rips a mask to reveal that he is-in fact- Applejacks weird crazy nudist weird creepy uncle!
He tells Applejack, "You should have helped me move my love seat. I had to move it to the 15th floor all by myself."
Applejack cries blood and says, "Well, I learned mah lesson, if I had never lied to mah family, I would still have mah body and stuffs."
Applejack's head is then put into a box and then says, " Well, I guess I didn't git ahead of the situation!"
She laughs at her own joke for 23 straight seconds without stopping. She then dies of hunger because she has no hooves to feed herself.
The Funeral
At the funeral, the people who showed up were the apple family and mane six, or now mane five. Upon the funeral, Applejack's weird crazy nudist weird creepy uncle made a speech about her.
"Friends and peoples, He started "Applejack will burn in hell for not helping me move my love seat and her head will stay in the casket for the rest of our lives."
Everyone was shocked by what he said. But to some, it didn't really matter. Just then the real President Obama shows up and goes to the weird crazy nudist weird creepy uncle and says, "I can't believe what you have done."
"Please Mr. President, it wasn't my fault."
"You had a love seat, and you didn't invite me to join you."
The weird crazy nudist weird creepy uncle was surprised that the President was angry at him for other reasons. So President Obama and the uncle go to the 15th floor and to the love seat to do weird stuff while everyone watched and said what the fuck.
Just then Applejack's grave explodes and everyone runs away and the popular British band Blur pops out and sings Song 2. Everyone starts dancing to their songs, including Girls & Boys.
However, Blur then goes away then heads to a different town. This disappoints everyone, until Queen shows up and everyone is happy. Freddie soon starts singing We Are The Champions and everyone is cheering, until all 4 of them start singing Bohemian Rhapsody and they all go crazy, especially Big Macintosh as he is a huge fan like the writer of this shit ass story.
Queen left and the audience said goodbye like they did. When heading home, Applebloom said, "What an interestingly awesome funeral!'
"Damn right," Granny Smith said, "Not much like that."
"Eeyup" Big Macintosh said as he enjoyed as much as they did. As they went home Big Macintosh jumped on the couch and yelled, "PINK SPRINKLED BALLS!"
The Others
While Big Mac is Shouting out random shit on the couch. Granny Smith Grabs her gun and goes Potato Hunting with Kevin Hart. While Applebloom bedazzles a coffee mug, dances on a condom, and drips on a butt plug.
Everyone was happy, and people were getting fucked up in the city. But Obama and The weird crazy nudist weird uncle make love in the seat. While they did it, Michelle Obama went into the 15th floor and damn was she pissed.
Obama with a scared face said, "Honey please, it's not what it looks like!"
"How could you?"
"I swear, we were just doing scientific research!"
"You didn't invite me!"
Both President Obama and the Uncle looked at each other with wtf faces and confusion. Just then Michelle joined in and the full on orgy began.
So everything was going great, and everyone forgot Applejack. But hey, it was her fault because she lied to her uncle. Life was never the same, and we fucking love it!
THE END