Scarlet Letter languished in her bathtub, allowing her worries to dissolve away into the warm, scented, bubble-topped water. Reaching out with her magic, she placed her favorite classical record in the player and started it up, then lit up a stick of lavender incense. With a sigh, she settled back against the edge of the tub. For a few moments of the day, she wasn't a famous novelist and poet, or the secret head of Equestria's largest criminal organization; she was just a simple mare, content to let the world go on without her for a while, having a little "me" time.

However, her private session was interrupted by a knocking at the door. "Come in," she sighed.

Laurier entered the bathroom. "Pardon, madame. I just wanted to tell you, the strike team has returned with Cheese Sandwich. However, they didn't find Pinkie Pie."

Scarlet thought for a moment. "Don't worry about her. Having him is enough."

Laurier hovered at the door. "Madame, if I may ask...why do you want to hold him hostage?"

"Two reasons, Laurier," Scarlet answered. "One, if the Guards did catch up to him, there is a chance that our involvement in this could come out during his questioning. I had originally intended to get rid of him while he was imprisoned and let all the blame fall on him, but thanks to...outside involvement...we had to adapt our strategy.

"Secondly, leverage. If we have him as a hostage, we could use him to persuade his friends to back off if they get too close."

Laurier nodded. "That makes sense, madame."

"I'm glad you think so," Scarlet dryly commented. "Now, please make sure our guest is comfortable and leave me to enjoy this."

"Oui, madame," Laurier bowed, exiting the bathroom.

After her maid had left, Scarlet turned and faced the ledge of the tinted one-way window. Sitting upon the ledge was the Muletese Falcon, glittering in the low candlelight. The most desired prize in the Equestrian underworld, and it was hers now. Nopony on this Earth was going to take it from her, especially not some fool party planner. Its charm of good fortune would encircle her, protect all her endeavors. Closing her eyes once more, Scarlet Letter sank back into the warm water. All her troubles would soon be over.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash flew side by side, swooping low over the Canterlot train yards. "We're never going to find them out here," Rainbow was saying, scanning the rails and empty train cars beneath her for any sign of her friends.

"We still have to keep trying," Fluttershy responded. "They have to be somewhere around here and we...hey, look down there!" Fluttershy suddenly dove down towards the ground. The still body of a unicorn stallion was sprawled on top of a boxcar, his head laying in a small puddle of blood. Fluttershy bent over him in concern, checking his pulse on his neck.

"Hello? Can you hear me?" she asked. The unicorn groaned feebly but did not wake up. "Rainbow, go get an ambulance!"

Rainbow, however, was examining the unconscious pony before her. The stout stallion had short legs and was dressed in a dull gray open jacket. Underneath the jacket, Rainbow could see an empty shoulder holster. And painted across the pony's hind legs and on his hooves was a distinctive dull brownish mud, like the sample that Flash had shown them. Could this be...?

"Rainbow! Ambulance!"

"Right!" Rainbow started, dashing off to find help. Once this pony was taken care of, she should probably find the others. They might have finally found a lead.

Pinkie Pie continued to follow the trail of oil splatters down the streets of Canterlot, leaving the richer estates and entering the middle-class districts. The path guided her left, right, left again, straight through a four-way, and then off a side street before finally halting in front of a blue two-story cottage with an attached garage, surrounded by oak trees. A single oil puddle stood out on the worn dirt driveway like a wine stain on a white dress shirt. Checking around to make sure that nopony was watching, Pinkie Pie began to creep up on target, zipping behind bushes and trees in a blur of pink motion. Peeking out behind the thin sapling that she was impossibly hiding behind, she craned her head up and looked through the window of the garage. Inside was the motorized carriage!

"Gotcha," she grinned.

Suddenly, there was the sound of a door opening. Pinkie immediately ducked back behind the sapling as an unicorn stallion in a loose black jacket exited the house through a back door, wandering into the backyard. Sighing, he reached into his pocket and extracted a cigarette with his magic, putting it into his mouth. He then pulled out a lighter and held it up, flicking it a futile attempt to get a flame. "Oh, come on," he groaned.

"Here," a voice said. The stallion turned to see somepony behind him holding up a lit match.

"Thanks," he grunted, holding his cigarette up to the flickering flame, puffing contentedly on the smoke. Seven seconds later, his eyes widened in shock and the cigarette fell from his mouth as he recognized the other pony.

"Hi, there!" Pinkie smiled. "Didn't anypony tell you smoking's bad for you?"

The thug responded by trying to grab her, but Pinkie ducked and tripped him up, causing him to fall flat on his face. In an instant, Pinkie had pounced on him, pressing her foreleg against his neck so he couldn't shout.

"What did you do with my friend?" she demanded.

"I'm not telling you squat!" her prisoner growled back.

"Yes you will!" Pinkie replied.

"No I won't!"

"Yes you will!"

"No I won't!"

"Yes you will!"

"No I won't!"

"No you won't!"

"Yes I will!"

"No you won't!"

"Yes I will! We took your friend into the secret hideout hidden inside the house—" The thug stopped, his expression melting into one of bewilderment at being tricked so easily.

"Where's the secret hideout? How do I get in?! Tell me!" Pinkie ordered.

The thug responded by trying to shove Pinkie off him, taking in a breath to shout for help. Instantly, Pinkie pulled a frying pan out from behind her back and smacked her prisoner over the head, knocking him out with a clanging sound. She paused for a moment, listening for any sign that anypony had heard her, but all was quiet.

"Okay," she said to herself. "Just gotta find the secret entrance to the secret hideout inside there. Easy." She sucked her lower lip. "But how do I find the secret entrance? The whole point of a secret entrance, after all, is that it's...secret."

Quiet as a temple mouse, she snuck up to the house, creeping around to the back door. Carefully, she peeked up over the edge of the back window into the kitchen. Two other goons were sitting inside, both of them polishing off what remained of a small pasta meal. Tossing his dishes into the sink, one of them headed over to a dusty bookcase against the wall.

"Okay, I'm ready to go into the secret hideout!" he loudly declared. "Pull the lever to open the entrance!"

"Okay, I'm pulling this lever, right here, to open the hidden entrance!" his buddy shouted, walking over to a hanging painting on the wall. Pulling the painting aside, he revealed a hidden cavity in the wall with a small lever inside it, which he pulled. With a creaking and groaning, the bookcase moved aside, revealing a secret elevator.

"Thanks for pulling the lever!" the first goon said, stepping into the elevator and pressing a button on the wall. "Now I can get into the secret hideout!"

Pinkie gave the author a withering look. "I know when I'm being mocked, Josiah."

You asked how to find it.

Rolling her eyes, Pinkie looked through the window again. The bookcase slid shut and the first thug disappeared. With a yawn, his partner stretched and exited the room, turning out the light behind him. Taking advantage of this opportunity, Pinkie crept over to the back door, extracting a bobby pin from her mane.

"Been a long time since I've had to pick a lock," she muttered to herself, kneeling at the doorknob.

Uh, Pinkie?

"Don't worry. This is one of the fastest ways to open a door!"

A faster way would be to try turning the doorknob.

Blinking, Pinkie reached up and turned the knob. The door, which hadn't been shut all the way, opened easily. "Oh. Thanks." Walking on tiphoof, Pinkie snuck over to the painting and moved it aside to reveal the hidden lever, which she pulled. After a few moments, the bookcase moved aside to reveal the secret elevator. Stepping inside, she pressed the button on the wall. The bookcase slid shut and the elevator started to trundle downwards. Quiet jazz music played over a speaker in the elevator as she descended deep underground.

Finally, with a ding, the elevator halted and the doors opened up to reveal an underground tunnel lined with dark purple crystals. Pinkie recognized these as part of the caves beneath Canterlot that Chrysalis had imprisoned Cadance and Twilight in during Shining Armor and Cadance's wedding. Darting behind a crystal stalagmite, Pinkie peeked ahead to make sure the coast was clear, then silently hurried forward.

"Hang on, Cheesie," she whispered, knowing that somehow, her friend could hear her. "I'm coming!"

"This is where we found him," Fluttershy said, gesturing to the small puddles of drying blood atop the boxcar as the others gathered around.

Flash stooped to examine the puddle, then looked around. "No bloodstains anywhere on the ground. Looks like he fell right on top of this car."

"It most likely is the pony who distracted the Guards from taking Cheese and Pinkie," Twilight explained.

"Is he going to be all right?" Applejack asked.

"The doctors said that he should be all right, but it might be a while before he wakes up," Fluttershy replied.

"And when he does, I'm going to have some questions for him," Rainbow growled. "Like what he did with Pinkie and Cheese!"

"We can try to figure that out ourselves here," Flash said. He paused, examining the boxcar roof more closely. "There's little shards of glass all over here. Looks like our suspect was thrown out a window and landed on this car."

"If we find out what train this car was attached to, we can follow the train's path back and find out where they were hiding," Rarity suggested.

"And maybe find Pinkie and Cheese as well," Rainbow agreed.

"Exactly what I was thinking," Twilight said, already turning. "Come on, everypony!" She led the way towards the nearby records office, hoping that they had reorganized since the last time she was there.

A light shone through ahead through the dark tunnel. Pinkie darted ahead and pressed her back up against a wall. Carefully, she peeked around the corner and gaped at what she saw.

Before her was a huge cavern, carved out of the crystalline rocks, stretching as far as she could see. Scaffolding ran from wall to wall and railway lines carried carts down dark tunnels; the cavern was so large that there were even maps and signs! There were over a dozen mooks all over the cave, napping on hammocks, preparing meals in a kitchen, storing ill-gotten gains in crates, sparring with each other, or simply sitting and talking.

Darting from hiding place to hiding place, Pinkie crept closer and closer to the center of the cavern. Peeking over the top of a large crate, she scanned the area.

There! Cheese was sitting in a cage, his hooves bound and looking utterly miserable. Nopony was paying any attention to him.

"Okay, Pinkie," she whispered to herself. "Time to think of a plan."

"Is not getting caught part of the plan?" a voice behind her asked.

"Of course it is," Pinkie replied. "Getting caught would ruin the whole..." Her voice slowed to a halt and she slowly turned around. A thug was standing right behind her, smirking down at her.

"Hey, guys, we got a visitor!" he called.

While he was distracted, Pinkie braced herself against the crate and kicked backwards with both legs, sending the guard flying back. Leaping up, Pinkie jumped off the crate, pulling a pair of cream pies out from behind their back and tossing them out, striking another two foes in the face; simultaneously, she spun and kicked out, knocking another enemy down before he had a chance to get his guard up.

"Pinkie!" Cheese cried in surprise.

"Hi, Cheese!" Pinkie grinned, doing a cartwheel around an attacking thug and kicking him in the back. Another mook charged at her with a baseball bat. Pinkie ducked beneath it and swung her leg in an outwards crescent, striking her opponent across the jaw, then spun and took out another enemy with a spin kick to the chest. A lance-carrying thug ran at Pinkie, parrying both her kicks before swiping at her head. Dropping low, Pinkie swept his leg out and kicked him in the gut, then quickly did a quick pair of hoofsprings to avoid an incoming pegasus, giggling all the time. "This is fun!" she declared as she jumped up and kicked the pegasus in the face.

"What's going on here?!" another voice, a female, suddenly shouted. Turning, Pinkie saw a white unicorn with a pink and white mane and the cutie mark of a mountain laurel flower rushing up to her, looking angry. The newcomer glared around at the defeated thugs in disgust.

"Crétins incompétents!" she snarled. "You let yourselves be defeated by one pony?"

Realizing that this must be a higher up, Pinkie glared at her. "Let my friend go!" she demanded.

Laurier de Montagne smirked. "Bien sûr. The key to his cage is right there." She tilted her head, pointing at a key hanging off a hook nailed to the scaffolding near Cheese's cage. "Would you like it?"

"Well...yeah," Pinkie nodded. "You're going to just give it to me?"

Laurier chuckled heartily, shaking her head as if she was dealing with a foolish child. "No. If you want that key..." Suddenly, she snapped up to stand on her hind legs, raising her forelegs into a fighting stance and sweeping her mane back out of her face. "You shall have to get through me first."

Pinkie rose up on her hind legs and began to approach Laurier, dancing from one hoof to another and bobbing her head as she did so. Laurier remained still, her gaze relaxed but focused on Pinkie. Cheese watched helplessly from inside his cage, biting his lower lip in worry.

In a burst of motion, Pinkie rushed forward and aimed a high kick at Laurier's head. Laurier easily blocked it. Immediately, Pinkie retracted her leg, feinted a head thrust, and kicked out again. Laurier blocked the attack, sidestepping around Pinkie. Pinkie spun around and kicked, but Laurier's double punch hit her first, knocking her back.

"Is that the best you can do?" Laurier taunted, charging forwards with further attacks and forcing Pinkie back. Laurier snapped out a powerful kick; Pinkie tried to do a cartwheel out of the way, but Laurier retracted her leg and kicked Pinkie in the middle of her cartwheel, sending her flying back and knocking her to the ground.

"Pinkie!" Cheese cried in alarm.

Grunting and growling in frustration and pain, Pinkie got back to her hooves and leapt at Laurier again, snapping out a powerful series of kicks and spins. Laurier dodged and blocked every one. Pinkie tried to hit her with a roundhouse kick, but Laurier closed in and swept Pinkie's leg out from beneath her, knocking her to the ground. Instantly, Laurier aimed a stomp at her; Pinkie rolled away and hurried back to her hooves, but was immediately seized in a clinch. Pinkie struggled to get out of the grip, but was winded by a pair of knee strikes to her stomach that left her staggered. Laurier pushed the dazed Pinkie back, then wound up and kicked her hard in the chest. Pinkie flew backwards and smashed into the scaffolding wall, where she collapsed to the ground, unmoving.

"No!" Cheese called, gripping the bars of his cage in horror.

With a satisfied grunt, Laurier smoothed out the front of her coat and shook her mane out. The other thugs gathered around Pinkie, all of them smirking. All of them had their guards lowered; now it was time for Pinkie to...

Pinkie?

Pinkie, get up!

Pinkie! PINKIE!

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4agDHw4NuLk

What have I done?