Almond Butter was having a less than swell day. With a sigh, she used her horn to stir her morning’s fourth cup of coffee in the hopes that it would wake her up a bit. The night prior, she’d stayed up late finishing the last three chapters of the latest Making a Sandwich book, hopeful that once it was done, she’d be able to sleep soundly at night again.

But no. Something was still wrong. Something was still off, she thought.

As sole secretary of Tartarus, Almond Butter had become accustomed to all things odd and unusual. Last week, Discord the draconequus had been in—although all he did was sit in the waiting room and read from a magazine. That same day, a small colt asked if he could pay the inmate known as Tirek a visit. Minutes following that, a fellow colleague fainted to the floor for apparently no reason at all… and then something even stranger happened following that.

Coloring books, toffee squares, and numerous comic books were found in Tirek’s cell—hardly a single drawing where Tirek hadn’t colored outside of the lines. Everyday, Tirek’s cell was routinely searched and categorized. So just who had brought all those new items to him? And, perhaps most disparaging of all: why did they?

Almond Butter fixed the glasses resting on her muzzle and gave her head a tiny shake. The waiting room right in front of her was loaded well-past capacity and she was spending her morning leaping at shadows? Perhaps it was only how quiet the waiting room was at the current moment—dozens of ponies with their heads silently buried in magazines, not a single one of them bothering to hold a conversation.

Odd, Almond Butter thought curiously. Almost quaint.

Odder still was when Princess Celestia herself marched across the waiting room floor alongside a stallion secured in manacles and chains.

“Good morning, my dear,” Princess Celestia greeted pleasantly, while her large and flowing mane effortlessly concealed half of her face. She smiled at her thinly. “I have a prisoner in need of immediate deposit, if you’d be so kind.”

Almond Butter had to blink rapidly to help clear her mind. Shoving her coffee aside, she scooped up a fresh strip of scroll alongside her trusty quill. “Of course, Princess! Right away!” She rose to her hooves to get a better look over her desk. “Are… all of these ponies with you, Princess?”

Celestia gave a one-sided grin as she glanced first to her left and then to her right. On her right stood Discord, clad in a black-and-blue security-style uniform, complete with matching tie and hat. At the moment, he was twirling around a heavy black baton in his claws.

Discord raised a brow at Almond Butter. “Do I look like a pony to you?”

“Well… I…” Almond Butter began, before noticing the rest of Celestia’s party.

To Celestia’s left was the black stallion wrapped in large manacles and chains—around his mouth was a muzzle-sized mask made of steel. Draped over his back was a blood red cape and hidden underneath his many restrains appeared to be expansive bits of glimmering, silver armor. Above his glowing red-and-green eyes was… a curved red horn?

Almond Butter brought a hoof to her mouth. “Is that King Sombra? No… no, it couldn’t be.”

“One and the same,” Celestia answered evenly. “Discord and I have been working together for some time to locate the brute and came upon him as he was snoozing in the woods. One well thrown rock later and… well, I won’t bore you with the details.”

Almond Butter’s quill and scroll lay forgotten in her aura at the moment. “I heard he was killed, though… at the Empire. This is just all so—”

“Don’t trust in your Princess of the Sun, my dear?” Celestia cut in, a bit of sharpness edging into her voice. She turned to her side and gave Sombra a rough kick to the ribs. “Go ahead, Sombra! Explain yourself!”

If glares had the ability to set objects on fire, then the stare Sombra was giving Celestia at that moment would have surely set her and most of the room on fire.

Sombra roughly cleared his throat. “The great King Sombra will not be held in this poor excuse of a jail for long. I am the Lord of Fear and all will bow to me and tremble before I am through with everyone here.”

“Oh. Oh, wow,” Almond Butter mumbled out. So far this all was a lot more interesting than her Making a Sandwich book. “I didn’t even know King Sombra could talk before… thought it was more guttural speak, really.”

Celestia gave the slightest of nods at that. “How true,” she replied, before she turned to Sombra again. “Maybe try and sound a little more like yourself there, Sombra?”

Sombra pursed his lips before putting his head down. Without looking at anyone, he muttered, “Crystals… slaves… et-cetera…”

“Wow! It really is him!” Almond Butter trumpeted, facing Celestia with large, expressive eyes. “Amazing work, Princess Celestia! Not that… I mean, not that I had any doubts of your talent or anything, it’s just—”

Celestia held up a hoof to quiet her. Her face seemed to soften by the response. “It’s quite all right, my child. I will simply look past your idiocy for the time being.”

Taking a step forward, Discord laid his heavy baton on her desk. “Can we get a move on, please? Some of us actually have places to be today.”

Like snapping out from a dream, Almond Butter brought her scroll back up in front of her. “Of course! Right away! Let me just get the paper work started here and…” She ground to a halt when she noted a small colt sitting astride on Celestia’s back. She pointed at him with her quill. “If you don’t mind my asking, Princess, but… who’s that with you?”

Celestia waved a hoof. “Oh, don’t mind him. That’s another one of my nephews—Sugary Topping. Told him he could come along as long as he behaved himself.”

The grey colt atop her back gave Almond Butter a little wave. “Hi! I’m helping today!”

Almond Butter smiled at him. “I bet you are. And you even have a mustache… for some reason.”

The colt touched the tips of his obviously fake mustache.

Celestia chuckled weakly. “You know how colts can be sometimes. One moment they want nothing more than games and toys and then for some reason it’s suddenly mustaches. I’m sure it’s just a phase, though.”

“A mustache phase?” Almond Butter asked.

Celestia cocked a brow. “You never went through one?” Then she shook her head. “Listen, dear, we really should be pressing onwards—dangerous villain here and everything—so if you’d be so kind as to open the doors of Tartarus for us, we can go ahead and deposit Sombra lickety-split.”

“Lickety-split?”

“It’s an old fashioned Canterlot term—means ‘as fast as a hot potato’.”

Almond Butter blinked a single time. “You’re losing me, Princess.”

Celestia tightened her jaw noticeably. “Just open the door, sweetie, and Discord and I will take care of everything else. All right? Sound good? Don’t want to get on my bad side, do you? I remember a certain sister that got on my bad side once. Just once, mind you.”

“Of… of course…” Almond Butter stuttered out, lowering her scroll and quill to her desk. Never before had she actually spoken with the Princess, but based on this meeting alone, she hoped she’d never have to again. “Right this way, Princess.”

It was hard to say what the employees of Tartarus were staring at most as they all traveled to the steel doors in the back: the sight of the Princess of the Sun paying them a visit; the sheer oddity that was Discord in another one of his many costumes; the up-until-then thought dead King of the Crystal Empire in chains; or, the colt on Celestia’s back with the clearly fake mustache.

All in all, it made for one very noteworthy Monday morning at work.

“Will someone get these blasted things off of me already?” Sombra barked the moment the steel doors slammed shut behind them. “I think they might be cutting off circulation…”

Standing in front of him, Princess Celestia burst into a mound of green flames before reappearing as Queen Chrysalis. She turned to face Sombra with a smirk. “And here I thought those chains suited you just fine.” She glanced at Discord for a brief moment. “Always had a thing for restraints—Shining Armor knows all about it.”

Discord rolled his eyes at her, before snapping a thick slab of papers into his hands. He quickly gasped at it. “Hey! Look here! It’s information! But there’s simply too much of it to properly comprehend!” Then he frowned at her. “Get it?”

First removing his mustache before donning the cape in his pack, Bad Dude climbed off of Chrysalis’ back before staring up at them all excitedly. “Isn’t this great! The plan’s working!”

“So far,” Discord added snidely. “We still need to get Tirek—decide if we want to kill him or not on sight—and then escape, too. Tall order, I must say.”

“Hello? Am I invisible or something?” Sombra grumbled behind them. “Losing feeling in my legs here!”

Discord snapped his claws a second time and the chains and manacles around Sombra fell away. Once they were on the ground, Sombra roughly kicked them off the edge of the walkway they were on, where the bits of chain and metal hurriedly tumbled away into darkness.

Sombra gave his joints a quick stretch, before growling at Chrysalis. “You call that acting? What is it with you and never trying to appear like the pony you’re supposed to be? Celestia may be a troublesome bitch to you and I, but that doesn’t mean she acts like one!”

Chrysalis grunted out her response. “I wasn’t feeling it, all right? Plain and simple. The role wasn’t juicy enough for me.”

“Juicy?” Sombra snapped. “The Princess of the Sun wasn’t a big enough role for you? Name a single, bigger role!”

“Discord’s ego?” Chrysalis rebutted.

Discord perked up at that. “I heard my name! Is someone stroking my ego?”

“No one’s stroking anything of yours, dragon,” Sombra grumbled out. “Let us finish this mission posthaste, so we may set our sights on better activities, okay? But firstly, I shall be in need of more of your magic. Discord?”

Discord sighed, but moved towards him regardless. “Is that all I am to you, my good Som-bro? Just a keeper of magic with which to pilfer from?” He stuck out his eagle’s claw. “Just don’t go getting boogers on it this time.”

Shielding his face with a leg, Sombra recoiled. “No! Not the nose again! That hurt last time.”

“Then where?” Discord furrowed his brows. “Mouth?”

Sombra gagged. “I don’t know where those claws have been!”

“If I shoot it through your ears, there’s a good chance of frying your peanut-sized brain… and I don’t think you want it in that last remaining hole of yours, either.”

Sombra paled at that. “All right. Mouth it is, then.”

Tartarus had changed a bit since Bad Dude’s last visit. Everything he’d encountered during his first trek was still there, only now it was being presented in a completely different order, almost as if the place rearranged itself at will.

As the four of them traversed Tartarus’ many paths and narrow walkways, Discord explained the few facts he actually knew for a certainty about the gloomy dungeon. The first was that his magic was severaly limited once inside. The idea of simply snapping Tirek out of there was completely out of the question, as was teleporting anyone inside or out. Something to do with security measures Celestia had set up long ago should Discord be imprisoned instead of turned to stone sometime in the future.

The second bit of information was one involving simple safety practices. If someone were to give Tartarus even the quickest of glances, they’d soon realize it was made up of more dark abysses than real places to even stand. Lose your balance while crossing a narrow bridge? Into the abyss you go. Trip over a random pebble by accident? The abyss is more than willing to accept your screaming self. Needless to say, the notion of falling away into nothingness would worry even the most stouthearted of Tartarus employees.

The truth of the matter was that the abyss didn’t actually exist at all. Instead, it was only a spell. Anyone that accidentally fell into the abyss was instantly teleported to a waiting cell near the lobby area. Of course, this cell was kept locked tight at all times to screen for possible escapees…

“I don’t remember them being here before,” Bad Dude admitted, once he and his crew entered another rocky section of Tartarus.

Up ahead was a pair of guards standing idle, each with a spear over their shoulders; behind them stood the four doors that led further into Tartarus.

Sombra took a step forward and displayed his fangs. “Allow me to take care of them. It has been too long since I have tasted fresh blood on my lips.”

“Ugh. Gross,” Discord said, his upper lip curling in distain. “Control yourself, Sam Bob, especially in front of the kid. We’re trying to do this stealthily, remember? Let me handle this.”

As Sombra grumbled to himself, Discord strolled forward and made a batch of helium balloons tied to string appear in his paw. When he got close enough to the guards for them to take notice, they instantly jolted and aimed their spears in his direction.

“You’re not supposed to be down here!” one of them shouted.

“Yeah! What he said!” the other added soon afterwards.

Discord chuckled at them. “Aren’t you both so full of vigor? Believe you me, I’m not here to do anything bad—only offer you both a balloon! Can you believe it’s already been six days since the last accident here?”

One of the guards shot the other a look. “Six days? Really? Say, we’re doing pretty good!”

Without asking, Discord attached a balloon to the first guard’s hoof before doing the same to the other guard. All at once, the balloons began steadily rising into the air until they literally dragged both guards upwards and away as they shouted down to him.

“I knew I never should have trusted someone giving out free balloons!” one of them screamed.

“Yeah! What he said!” screamed the other, as they both floated clear out of sight.

As Discord rejoined the rest of them, Sombra muttered to himself, “I still think my way would’ve left a larger impression to our opposition.”

Discord waved a finger. “But not nearly as weird.”

True.

One long slide ride later, Bad Dude, Discord, Sombra, and Chrysalis had finally made their way to the ends of Tartarus, where Tirek sat at his only table with a book propped open before him.

As he heard them all approach, he set his book aside and stared at them bewildered. “I do not believe it,” he uttered softly. “The colt did not lie.”

“Nope!” Bad Dude exclaimed. “I told you I’d come back! And with friends, too!”

Discord wrapped a hand around Bad Dude’s mouth to silence him. “Him and I are friends, but not the rest of us. Bad Dude here can’t seem to go even a single day without ‘friending’ the place up some way or the other.”

Tirek grinned at Discord, pulling the hood on his cloak down. “My old partner… things keep on getting stranger and stranger, do they not?”

Discord sighed. “Whatever. Let’s get you out of here already, so Bad Dude will finally stop going on about rescuing you. Comprendi?”

Tirek pressed his fingertips together. “Not still… harboring a grudge against me, Discord?”

Discord waved a paw while chuckling. “What? That? Being betrayed and feeling horrifically used and abused by someone I thought was my friend? Nah! Water under the bridge, my good goat! I’m sure by the end of all this, you and I will have our very own singing duet to enjoy together!”

“So… not mad?” Tirek questioned cautiously.

“What do you think?” Discord answered in a hiss, his jaw clenched so tight one of his teeth actually broke.

Tirek pushed his chair out to stand, straightening out his cloak as he did. He exhaled quietly. “Very well. It seems we’ve entered a new phase in life—one I truly never would have guessed existed at all.” He raised his manacled arms for them to see. “I’ll need someone to break these, obviously.”

Without looking at him, Discord snapped the chains away before crossing his arms over his chest.

Tirek grinned again, rubbing at his freed limbs. He gave a quick glance at the numerous hills of books littering his cell. “I also wish to take some of my books with me, if that’s all right—the only items that have kept me company all these long days and nights here. I have grown quite attached to them, you see.”

Discord turned to him with a one-sided smirk. “No problem, friend-o.”

Tirek appeared confused. “Really?”

“Sure!” Discord said, before he snapped his claws again, engulfing every book and text in the small area with great mounds of flames. “Now you don’t need to feel so attached to them. See?”

Tirek’s shoulders slumped. “You’re still mad at me.”

“Better believe it, goat boy,” Discord spat, before he retrieved another helium balloon from behind his back. “Want a balloon to make you feel better?”

Almond Butter couldn’t concentrate on her lunch—a nice daisy sandwich with hay fries and a pop. Too many things just didn’t make sense—too many things just didn’t add up. Eventually, she couldn’t take it anymore.

“The Princesses were both in the hospital a short time ago, right?” she asked another coworker in Tartarus’ cramped break room. “Due to some heart issues or something?”

Her coworker thought on that, chewing on his own lunch. “That’s what I heard, although they might’ve just been telling a fib so they could do something else in private.”

Almond Butter nodded. “I guess. I mean, the Princesses don’t have to explain everything they do… it’s just I never expected her and Discord to go hunting for ex-kings and then personally deliver them to Tartarus themselves. I thought her job revolved around paperwork, mostly.”

Her coworker chuckled lightly. “Look on the bright side, Almond. Having Sombra here? Means at least two inmates to look after; things were getting kinda stale around here, wouldn’t you agree?”

Almond Butter nodded sluggishly. “Yeah. Could be interesting. Speaking of inmates, I’d better go and check on Tirek—make sure he isn’t trying anything silly again.”

“You worry too much, Almond,” her coworker told her. “But, go ahead, knock yourself out.”

Upon returning to her desk from the break room, Almond Butter hitched in a breath before swallowing thickly. Connected to her desk was a panel of twelve different lights, all with numbers below them; numbers “ONE” through “ELEVEN” glowed green, while number “TWELVE” flashed an ominous red. It meant that Tirek’s restrains had been removed.

“Oh, fiddlesticks…” she whispered, before she slammed her hoof on the “PANIC” button at the end of the panel. A second later, all of Tartarus was filled with an immense blaring sound that ponies had to shout over to be heard.

A middle-aged stallion in silver armor bolted out a side door and came to a halt by her side. “Who?” he growled at her.

“Tirek…” she replied, before more bits and pieces started falling into horrible place, “and maybe Discord, too… and King Sombra somehow…”

The stallion guard furrowed his brows. “What? You’re not making sense. How—”

But his sentence was cut short as Almond Butter directed his attention towards the waiting area, where every last one of the patiently waiting ponies erupted into green flames and reappeared as hidden changeling drones. The next moment, they were flying from their seats and diving at whichever pony was closest to them, hissing and spitting saliva as they went.

“And it looks like Queen Chrysalis is with them, too,” Almond Butter finished miserably, before she started scurrying for a good place to hide.

“Discord I can understand perfectly,” Tirek spoke more-or-less to himself, as the group made their way opposite his cell along another winding path. “He’d join anyone, so long as they’d laugh at his jokes or wouldn’t grow tired of his ways too soon. Chrysalis, sure—Bad Dude may remind you of your own children; one in need of help and support. Myself… well, what other options did I have? Besides rotting away both physically and mentally in a prison all by myself? But, you—you surprise me.”

Sombra stopped mid-march to whirl around and bare his fangs at Tirek. He snapped his teeth to add to the effect. “Speak your mind, Tirek, before I open your skull and see what answers lie within. Are you curious why I would side with someone like Bad Dude? Only a mere colt in your eyes?”

Tirek nodded with a smirk. “I think most of Equestria would be interested, actually.”

Sombra narrowed his eyes at him. “If truth be told, I see a bit of myself in him. He is cunning and headstrong… and he knows what he wants, be that global takeover or cookies dipped in milk. He is my apprentice and has the same understanding of capes that I do: that they’re one-hundred percent awesome. And most importantly, he has done what none of us have been able to do before—take out both Princesses at once. Bad Dude holds far more talent than his cute exterior would suggest.”

“Aw! Thanks, Sombra!” Bad Dude yelled, wrapping his tiny self around one of Sombra’s legs. “Capes are awesome, huh? I remember I even did an essay on them once: ‘Five Reasons Having A Cape Is Better Than Not Having A Cape’. Number four was because you could take a nap whenever you felt like it, because capes are kinda like blankets you wear all day long!”

Sombra absently patted Bad Dude’s head while not taking his eyes off of Tirek.

Tirek only continued to grin. “Cute colt. I only ponder aloud in case anyone is thinking of betraying him. He has already told me what he is capable of should I slight him in the future… sadly, I can’t help but wonder just what a former child slaver and executioner is capable of. Won’t become tempted to turn Bad Dude into just another slave once the Crystal Empire belongs to you again, my King?”

Sombra lowered to the ground and growled deep within his throat.

After seeing this, Bad Dude hurried in-between them to hold a hoof out to each of them. “Now stop it, you two!” he squeaked. “You’ve just met, so there’s no reason you two should be fighting!”

Sombra glanced at Bad Dude quickly. “Sure you still want him on the team, Bad Dude? We could escort him right back to his cell—”

“It seems clear he’s already trying to rile us up,” Chrysalis cut in. “I don’t mind. Makes things more interesting, honestly, but it’s obvious what he’s trying to do.”

Shaking his head from side to side, Tirek began to laugh. “I’ve only been with this group for a scant few minutes and already there is tension. Villains as friends?” He looked down at Bad Dude with sympathy. “You have your work cut out for you, my young friend.”

Bad Dude frowned at him. “And here I made you a ‘Getting Out Of Tartarus’ cake and everything! Just for making Sombra mad, you only get one slice now! And not a slice with extra frosting, either!”

Discord held a hand to his forehead. “Bad Dude, don’t be cruel!”

“And you don’t even know the real King Sombra at all!” Bad Dude continued on triumphantly. “He might seem scary and mean when you look at him, but he’s actually really thoughtful and caring once you get to know him. And he’s fluffy, too! Why… me and Sombra even slept together once!”

All of the inner caverns of Tartarus became deathly silent at that moment. Tirek, Discord, and Chrysalis all turned to Sombra, whose face had instantly become pale and frozen in place. Slowly, Sombra’s pupils drifted to the ground and to the black abyss below, almost as if contemplating if it would be best to leap to his death to save himself from trying to explain himself out of this.

With his claws, Discord pinched the bridge of his nose. “Slavery and murder is one thing, Sombra, but…” He sighed. “You’re giving villainy a real bad name here, you know that?”

Sombra pointed at Bad Dude with a hoof. “He said he was cold!”

“Such a likely story,” Discord said. “Dear diary, my cave was extra cold today, but no worries, Bad Dude was there!”

Chrysalis moaned beside Tirek. “It’s obvious Bad Dude only meant that they took a nap together. Jeeze! Does everything need to become sexualized with this group?”

Discord giggled and pulled on his beard. “I dunno—it’s been fun so far.”

Rolling her eyes, Chrysalis shoved past everyone to continue down the path. Not a minute later did the echoing clashes of hundreds of plates of armor drift towards them. It sounded like fifty or more stallion guards.

“Any ideas?” Chrysalis asked them lightly.

Discord glanced down at Bad Dude. “I might have one.”

General Sharp Sword nervously jittered in his armor—a bead of sweat trickling from his temple all the way to his neck. It was moments like these that he was glad most of his body was concealed by his armor; behind him marched another sixty guards all looking to him to lead them on to victory. And if any one of them could see their fearless leader now? Sweating and shaking like a leaf?

Sharp Sword exhaled slowly to try and steady himself.

This was bad. Really bad.

Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, Tirek… any one of those would’ve been bad enough, but all four at once? How? And perhaps most importantly: why? Why were all of them together in one location? Were they working together somehow? Rather than try and tear each other apart like the ruthless monsters that they were?

Something was definitely rotten in the magical land of Equestria.

Before entering the more open part of Tartarus, Sharp Sword turned to face his battalion. He gulped dryly before telling them all, “I know it might seem bad. I know it might seem really bad, once you start to think about it and break things down a bit. I mean, a group of semi-trained guards against four of the most ruthless villains in the land, but I know if we just… if we, uh…”

Sharp Sword had no idea where he was going with that.

One of his battalion raised a hoof. “Work together?”

“Yes!” Sharp Sword exclaimed. “That! A whole bunch of that! A double-helping of that! And if we make it out of this alive… just know that I’m treating every single one of you to something out of the break room vending machine!”

His battalion murmured their complete lack of enthusiasm, right before the same guard that raised his hoof earlier used that same hoof to point behind Sharp Sword. “Sir! Oh, Celestia no! They’ve got a hostage! And it’s just a little colt!”

Sharp Sword whirled around and his mouth dropped.

Across the narrow rock bridge, Discord, Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, and Tirek stood—a small grey colt held up by the scruff of his neck in Discord’s sharp claws. The colt was currently dangling above the blackened abyss, writhing around and attempting to shake loose.

“Help!” the poor child yelled. “Someone help! I’m scared!”

Sharp Sword leveled his sharp sword in Discord’s direction. “Let go of him, you fiend!”

In response, Discord giggled wildly. “Very poor choice of words, wouldn’t you agree?” Then, like a hoofball player pitching a ball, Discord swung the colt over his head before tossing him Sharp Sword’s way.

Instinctively, Sharp Sword leapt off one of his cohort’s armored backs and propelled himself into the air to catch the soaring colt in one leg. Crashing back down to the rock path, the colt dried the tears from his eyes and gave the general a warm smile.

“Thanks, mister!” he said brightly. “That’s a cool helmet. Could I try it on?”

Sharp Sword returned the smile, before he undid his helmet and hoofed it on over to him. If it made the poor colt feel a bit better after his ordeal, he’d do anything he wanted him to.

“You okay, kid?” asked another guard, as a half-dozen other guards surrounded the small colt.

“You bet!” the colt answered, before he plunked Sharp Sword’s helmet over his head until it nearly covered half of his face. It was so big on him it ended up slanting to one side.

“Aw! Say, that’s pretty cute,” the same guard said with a big, goofy grin.

The colt tried readjusting the helmet to little effect. He exclaimed with a squeak in his voice, “When I grow up, I wanna be a part of the Royal Guard just like you guys!”

Now all six of the guards let out a round of Awwwww!

When the colt began to pretend to have a sword fight with an invisible enemy (complete with accompanying sound effects), two of the surrounding guards gripped at their chests while they stumbled backwards and fell into the black abyss below.

By that point in time, Sharp Sword had been driven to his knees, grimacing at the pain in his chest. He and the wife had always talked about having a foal—and in his heart of hearts he’d always hoped for a colt that would someday become a guard just like his dad. This… this was way too adorable to even handle anymore.

The colt came forward to deliver the finishing blow, nuzzling his face into the general’s chest. “Don’t you think I’d make a good guard some day?” he asked softly, as Sharp Sword sluggishly slumped to the ground, every trace of fight removed from him.

The next moment, Queen Chrysalis took to the air above them, allowing the small colt to climb onto her back before they both departed. Chrysalis stuck out her tongue to the fallen guard.

Sharp Sword could hear the hurried hooves of his remaining guards rushing towards him.

One of them flipped him over and stared at him panicked. “Oh, sir! No! Not you, too!” Tears were welling in his eyes. “And to think… only sixteen years from retirement!”

Sharp Sword grunted at the idiot. “I’m not dying, Blunt Blade! I’m just hurt! Go get the rest of the guards and try and corner them or something. And make sure…” He had to think clearly about what he wanted to say next. “Make sure you steer clear of that colt that’s with them—something’s not right with that kid. He’s cute. Too cute. You hear me?”

Blunt Blade nodded down at him. “Anything else, sir?”

“Yes,” Sharp Sword barked out. “Avenge me, damn it! Avenge me!”

Sadly, Sharp Sword never ended up being properly avenged that day. Instead, the Coalition of United Terrible Evils had close to a field day with what guards remained inside of Tartarus. After Bad Dude performed his “Cute Grenade” for the first time ever, King Sombra was let loose to disperse into a cloud of silky darkness that literally knocked guards down left and right and sent them screaming into the abyss below.

Discord had his own brand of fun—rearranging the bits of Tartarus that he was able to to try and confuse and annoy the guards Sombra had left untouched. During this time, Bad Dude and Chrysalis stayed behind and had a nice chat about herbal teas and if Tic, Tac, and Toe were doing all right distracting Bad Dude’s parents while he was there. Tirek, as everyone had presumed, stayed behind the rest of the group to watch everything unfold—a tiny glint in his eyes indicating he was enjoyed it all more than he thought he might.

Once on the other side of “THE BIG SLIDE OF UTTER DISAPPOINTMENT”, Sombra pieced himself together again and chuckled richly. “I am almost disappointed how easy this all is. We were worried about this place? Why?”

“Maybe because of that,” Chrysalis informed him dryly, her sight in the direction of the hundreds of surrounding guards and accompanying creatures. Swords, spears, shield, and horns were all squared in their direction. Even Cerberus, the immense guard dog of Tartarus, had been woken up to try and put a stop to them.

Discord scratched at his cheek. “I recognize some of these guards from Canterlot. Reinforcements already? You think they flew here or were teleported on over? That would almost be cheap if they just teleported here.”

The lead guard held a bullhorn to his mouth, keeping himself several dozen meters away from their group. “Release the prisoner to us! Then surrender yourselves! You are completely surrounded here! Every exit has been blocked and sealed! Chrysalis’ drones have dispersed and fled! There can be no victory for you here!”

Discord turned to the rest of his group. “He sure is a party pooper, isn’t he?”

The stallion with the bullhorn continued. “And that goes double for you, young stallion. We have been warned about you. What is your name?”

Bad Dude went to stand in front of Discord. “My name is Bad Dude! And this is the Coalition of United Terrible Evils! So beware us, okay?”

The stallion furrowed his brows. “C.U.T.E? Your group’s called C.U.T.E?”

Bad Dude was at a loss for words at that. He turned to Discord and the rest. “I didn’t know that!”

Tirek snorted in the back. “Was I the only one that pieced that together before now?”

“So what’s the plan?” Sombra grunted. “We can take them. Can’t we?”

“Perhaps,” Chrysalis answered calmly, “but I would hate to be stopped during our first mission as a group. Complete success sounds so much better than near defeat, if you catch my drift.”

Discord nodded. “We could always hand over Tirek and see if they’ll let the rest of us go.”

“No, we’re not!” Bad Dude told him loudly. “And I know just what we can do!” He held out a leg towards the furthest Tartarus test door—the one labeled, “THE VOID OF NEVER-ENDING TORMENT”. “They’d never follow us in there, right?”

“True,” Chrysalis replied. “Doesn’t sound all that pleasant, though.”

Sombra grinned at her. “Afraid of a little torment, my Queen?”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “I’ve already been your roommate for the last few days. Isn’t that torment enough?”

“I don’t know,” Discord admitted, clear worry on his face, “my ex-girlfriend used to live in that realm. I think she might’ve ruled over the whole place, actually. I’d rather not see her again.”

Sombra glared at him. “You mean you know your way around that world and for some reason you failed to mention that until now?”

Discord thought on that. “But she was so weird. Like… really weird.”

“Well, still sounds better than another lifetime in a cell. Until next time…” Tirek uttered quietly, before he pushed past them all and stepped through the doorway.

One collective shrug later, the rest of the group did the same, falling away into the most psychedelic plane of space they’d ever been before. Bad Dude was happy to note that Discord’s ex-girlfriend wasn’t as scary as she’d been made out to be.

Honestly, he just thought she looked like a giant, hovering mound of gooey spaghetti.

Author's Notes:

Three part question for this story's oddly creative readers:

1. Food for Trixie.
2. Food for Luna.
3. Group name for a new team of superheroes. (Opposite of C.U.T.E., if you catch my drift.)

Argh. What's with all these long chapters suddenly?