During his longwinded trip across the black expanse of sky, Shining Armor found himself with an awful lot of time to ponder and speculate, as well as shriek and scream as loud as his vocal cords would allow.

“Ahhhgghghsldskdkdskkkslll!” he shouted clearly into the crisp night air.

Meanwhile, in his head, he thought about the three sentences that Nightmare Moon had told him in complete confidence before hurtling him upwards: “Have a great flight. Tell Celestia that the Nightmare has been planted. Stay dead.”

Shining found he was at a loss for how to properly react to such bewildering statements. Half of him wanted to believe in the obvious—that Luna was only faking it and that this latest Nightmare Moon was nothing more than a hoax to help snuff out their current villain problem—but another, far greater, part of him wanted to give into the notion that Nightmare Moon was truly back and completely willing to drop innocent unicorns out of the sky with no parachute to aid them.

Shining would have to think on that. And scream a bit more while he did.

“Ghhhejjeorskksllfew!”

The ground below was hurriedly rising to come greet him; the lush green grass and trees several miles outside of Canterlot becoming closer and closer. It was clear no net had been erected to catch him; no giant balloon to ease his speedy drop; merely solid and life-ending ground all around.

When the Earth finally came into focus, Shining halted his screams and instead crossed both forelegs over his chest. He wasn’t even scared of death anymore. Rather, he was mad at it. What a stupid way to go, he reflected morosely. Shot out of a flipping catapult? I highly doubt a bronze statue is waiting for my corpse somewhere in its future. And if it is, they’ll more than likely base it off that stupid picture they took of me in mid-sneeze. How did everyone manage to get a copy of that, anyways? So not only will I be dead, but I’ll be forever remembered as that stallion with the terrible sneezing statue he got after being shot out of a catapult. Oh, joy! What a talking point I’ll become!

Shining had been so deep in thought that he hadn’t even noticed his descent slowing; not even realizing the pair of hooves digging deep underneath his forelegs.

“Hey, Shiny,” Twilight Sparkle greeted him warmly. “Nice night for a flight?”

He did a double-take. “Twilight! You… you saved me!” Then his shoulders slumped. “Again.”

Twilight happily nodded. “Yep! Fourth time this quarter. I take it you saw Nightmare Moon a short while ago?”

“You mean Princess Luna? Yeah, I did.”

“Any messages she left you with?”

He nodded. “A few. For some reason she told me to stay dead.”

Twilight chuckled uneasily. “Well, it would help if you did. Stay dead, I mean.”

Suddenly, he had a terrible feeling in his gut. “Wha—” was all he got out, before his little sister let go of him still several dozen meters above Canterlot’s very hard ground.

She called to him tentatively, “Continued yelling would be most appreciated, Shiny!”

The next time Shining opened his eyes all he could see was a bright wash of pink. His chest had trouble rising, almost as if something was pressed up tight against it. Yet it felt like a warm thing that was against him—a fuzzy thing. A rather familiar thing, too.

“Cadence?” he said, running a hoof through his wife’s mane.

He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten there, but Shining found himself sitting upright on a chair in one of Canterlot castle’s empty rooms. The windows had all been blocked by thick drapes, cancelling out the worst of the early morning’s burning sun.

While Shining had been sleeping, Cadence must’ve entered the room and curled herself around him, burying her head into the crook of his neck. Perhaps she was only making sure he wouldn’t randomly disappear on her again.

She stirred by the sound of his voice, and gave him a trio of delicate kisses along his jaw line. “I’ve missed you so much you wouldn’t believe it. Our bed’s been so cold without you. I’ve been so cold without you.”

He ran a hoof along her back. “It’s fine. Everything’s fine. I’m back and I’m not planning on going anywhere this time. I’ve changed my mind since the Empire attack. Twilight and her friends can take care of things. I’ll happily play the house husband. As long as I got some music playing, I don’t even mind dusting.”

Cadence pulled away from him, her eyes shimmering faintly. She wiped at them with a hoof. “I know this will seem like an odd question after everything you’ve been through, but… what was it like? What horrors did they put you through? Tell me and I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to make you right again. Hoof screws? Water boarding? Lackluster puppet shows?”

Shaking his head, Shining went on to say, “Nothing like that, actually, although I’m sure Sombra would’ve gotten to some of those eventually. In fact…” What he planned on telling her next gave him pause. He anxiously chewed on his tongue. “It was strange… they were sort of like a family—a disgusting, vile, and degenerate family, yes—but a family all the same. When they weren’t talking about hurting others or planning their upcoming move, they were just… normal. Or as normal as any grand group of villains can become.”

Cadence pursed her lips. “And Bad Dude? What of him? Is he under their control as we thought he was?”

Shining snorted. “No, if anything, it’s the other members of the group that are under his control.” He smirked as a few pleasant memories came back to him. “Bad Dude’s cute, Cadence. He’s sweet and a completely normal colt underneath that silly cape of his. I even helped him with some of his school projects when there wasn’t much going on around their base: arts and crafts, mathematics, a history project on the Wonderbolts.”

“Did he happen to mention which school he attended?”

He shook his head and sighed. “Afraid not. And, sadly, having spent so much time in their base won’t help us either. I was kept in some sort of enormous floating fortress that Discord had constructed: one that moves every half-hour or so and that’s hard to spot. Even harder to take down, probably.” He laughed again as an absurd thought came to mind. “This may sound weird, but I almost wish you would’ve given me another couple of days inside of C.U.T.E’s clutches.”

Cadence raised a well-plucked brow. “And why’s that?”

“Because I was still browsing around in Bad Dude’s comic book collection, and the last issue I’d read, the heroes were finally about to finish off the villains for good. Now I have no idea what happens next.”

A light smirk wormed its way onto Cadence’s lips. “Sounds as if you really did become fond of Bad Dude during your time as his captive. What’s that term again? Stockhoof syndrome? Has all this time around cute little colts got you thinking about children again?”

Shining returned the grin. “If they were as adorable as Bad Dude… or half as cute as you…”

He left his sentence unfinished as he put both forelegs behind Cadence’s back. In return, she slid her back legs and rump across his chair so she was sitting directly atop of Shining’s lap. She raised another brow as she gave her hips a quick wiggle.

“I’ve been waiting so long for this,” Shining cooed softly.

“And you’ll just have to wait a bit more!”

The doors to the room slammed inward as Twilight, Celestia, and the other Elements of Harmony strolled across the threshold. In Twilight’s aura was a floating quill and scroll.

“Damn it,” Shining and Cadence hissed out together. While Cadence climbed off of him, Shining flooded his mind with thoughts of cold showers and long boring games of hoofball. When he felt more or less like himself again, he left his chair to stand with the rest of them.

He instantly pointed at Twilight. “You dropped me!”

“I had to make everything look real, didn’t I? None of this works unless you hit the ground at some point.” Twilight hadn’t raised her head from her scroll. She was adding more notes and small diagrams to every inch of the parchment she could. “Remember what I said, Shiny? You’re dead now. So we need to keep it that way.”

Shining angrily blew a stray strand of mane from his eyes. “Well, I’m calling baloney on that! If I was dead and this happened to be the afterlife, then I’m more than certain I’d still be in that chair over there with Cadence doing…”

He stopped as all eyes in the room (besides Twilight’s) found his and stayed there.

“… tests on that chair’s structural foundation,” he finished lamely. “Can it hold two adult ponies? Who knows? Let’s find out!”

In the corner of the room was a thick desk that Princess Celestia slid behind. Using her horn, she shoved all useless papers and junk away to leave it bare. Her brows furrowed. “If you are standing here, Shining Armor, then that can only mean that my sister is with C.U.T.E as we speak. Is this correct?”

Shining nodded.

“What did she say to you?”

“Other than that she wanted to kill me? She said that the Nightmare has been planted.”

Celestia sighed. “So she has made it into their inner sanctum.”

Shining took a step toward her. “Care to explain to me just what’s going on here? I think I deserve a straight answer after being held captive for so long. And then almost killed.”

She nodded glumly. “Yes, I guess you do.” She used her horn to shut all doors to the room, and locked them. “As I’m sure you’ve ventured for yourself, Shining, that was not Nightmare Moon that you saw last evening, but rather my sister in disguise.”

“I think most everyone thought that,” Shining told her bluntly.

“I hope for your sake that that is not entirely true.” Celestia flashed him a very faint smile. “This afternoon, news will be arriving to every corner of Equestria that the noble Prince Shining Armor has been slain by none other than the wicked Nightmare Moon, who has returned to wreak havoc alongside the other villains within C.U.T.E. Three things will hopefully occur because of this: first, the world will mourn the loss of Twilight Sparkle’s only brother and Princess Cadence’s dearly beloved husband; then, the world will come to fear the name of Nightmare Moon once more; and, lastly, it will give my sister some much needed credit in the hearts and minds of Discord, Sombra, Chrysalis, and Tirek.”

“And what about Bad Dude?” Cadence asked.

“He was the one to first ask Luna to join his group, so I doubt he’ll try to dig underneath her guise like the rest of them will.” Celestia set her sights back on Shining. “That means you need to play dead, Shining, and remain that way. At least until Operation Luna Pretends To Be Nightmare Moon Again To Free Shining Armor And Dismantle The Coalition From Within is complete.”

Shining swallowed dryly. “First off: that project name’s just terrible.”

“What’s wrong with O.L.P.T.B.N.M.A.T.F.S.A.A.D.T.C.F.W?”

“Everything, but regardless…” Shining nibbled on his lower lip. “That means they’ll be having a funeral for me, doesn’t it? A real one? Do my parents need to think I’m dead?”

Celestia shook her head. “They have both been well informed of the situation and will start practicing their tears of woe shortly. Above all else, we have to make sure this is done correctly and without error. So that means at this very moment, Shining Armor, you are Equestria’s most largely guarded secret. And I intend to keep you that way.”

Shining looked away from her then, attempting to properly process everything he’d just been told. Eventually he looked at her again. “Well, obviously I’m on board; anything to bring those villains to justice. But what is Luna’s plan in all this? How is she expecting to take them all out by herself? Unless there’s something I’m not getting here.”

On her desk, Celestia rested a foreleg and placed her chin upon it. “And that is where your answers stop, I’m afraid. Every one of us felt it necessary to inform you of your passing and all that would be involved surrounding that, but anything more must be kept from you.”

Shining grimaced. “Why’s that?”

“Because we cannot be entirely sure that you were not hypnotized or tainted during your time spent as their captive. For all we know, you may actually be working for the Coalition without even knowing you’re doing so. Reports of a Shadow Shield have reached—”

“But I was forced to do that!” Shining blurted out.

“Nevertheless,” Celestia said calmly, “a series of tests will be administered—all very standard tests, I promise—so we can verify that you are still one hundred percent Shining Armor and nothing more.”

Before Shining could add anything further, someone’s hoof fell to his shoulder.

Twilight Sparkle said gleefully, “Ready to science it up, big brother?”

No, Shining thought miserably.

As Sweet Glaze was busy paying at the counter with his back to them, Sweetie Belle slid up beside Glass Slipper at their table to closely admire her sparkling mane and tail.

“How do you get it like that?” she asked. “Do all crystal ponies buy some special shampoo I don’t know about?”

Glass Slipper playfully flicked at her hair. “I think crystal ponies are just born with it. I know some ponies don’t like the whole sparkly thing, but—”

“Really?” Apple Bloom exclaimed suddenly, seated at the same table as them along with Scootaloo. “I reckon it’s awesome! I wish I could sparkle like that every once in a while!”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “You really mean that, Apple Bloom, or are you only saying that because Glass Slipper decided to become our friend and not Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon’s?”

Apple Bloom waved a hoof indignantly. “Diamond Tiara has enough sparkly things, Scootaloo. And Glass Slipper’s free to be friends with whoever she wants to.” She paused. “As long as those friends are us, of course.”

The four of them laughed at that. Then Glass Slipper’s cheeks reddened a tad. “Can I let you three in on something sort of strange that happened last night?”

“You mean besides Nightmare Moon coming back for no good reason at all?” Scootaloo said.

Glass Slipper shook her head. “No, not that. I mean… it was late last night when it happened… up in Sweet Glaze’s room…”

“Uh-huh.” Somehow Sweetie Belle scooted even closer to Glass Slipper, nudging their sides together in a chummy manner. “So something happened between you and Sweet Glaze?”

“Maybe? I dunno,” Glass Slipper explained poorly. “You see… I was fast asleep on his bed—”

“Together!?” the other three fillies at the table responded, making Glass Slipper’s blush even harder than before.

“No. No, nothing like that,” she said breathlessly. “Sweet Glaze sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag; he’d offered me the bed when my family first moved in. Anyways, sometime during the night I woke up randomly and noticed that Sweet Glaze wasn’t there anymore, so I thought to myself, ‘Oh, maybe he went downstairs to get a glass of water or something,’ but then when I sat up in bed and looked around the room, I noticed his closet door had been left open a bit.”

“Sweet Glaze does like to play in that closet of his a lot,” Sweetie Belle added helpfully.

“And just when I was about to get out of bed and check if that was him in there, it starts to open and I pretend that I’m asleep again, so as not to make things awkward. And here’s where things get kinda spooky.” Glass Slipper lowered her voice to barely above a whisper. “I don’t think the pony that came out of Sweet Glaze’s closet was Sweet Glaze at all! Their hoofsteps were too heavy, for one thing, and when I peeked out from the covers for a second, it actually looked like a creature with four legs and two arms!”

“You mean like a centaur? Like Tirek?” Apple Bloom asked.

Glass Slipper nodded. “I guess so. It was sort of dark, so I couldn’t really see everything—more of an outline, if I’m being perfectly honest. And when I didn’t hear anything for a while, I opened my eyes again and found Sweet Glaze sleeping on the floor like he always does.” She struggled to find the right words to continue. “You girls think it was just a dream? Or…?”

“It could’ve been a dream,” Sweetie Belle said, “or maybe more like a nightmare. Tirek was the one that destroyed your Crystal Empire not too long ago.”

Glass Slipper shrugged. “But what does any of that have to do with Sweet Glaze? Why would I dream about him and Tirek together and not just Tirek alone? Destroying my home all over again?”

The other three shared a quick glance. It appeared that Sweetie Belle decided to take the lead on this one, as she puffed out her chest and lifted her chin. She asked Glass Slipper delicately, “You like Sweet Glaze, right?”

Glass Slipper nodded. “Yeah. I mean he’s nice and all. And he did introduce me to you three, as well as everyone else at school. I think he’s just a little shy. He’s always saying how there aren’t that many foals that have the same hobbies as he does, and I would have to agree on that. A few days ago we played Dungeon Developer, where you each try and build the worst dungeon to hold ponies in. It was a game that Sweet Glaze made up himself. I lost pretty quick, though, because I gave out air fresheners to everyone, and he said fresh air isn’t all that common in dungeons.” She gave her head a little shake, sparkling mane included. “What did this have to do with my dream again?”

“Well,” Sweetie Belle said as smoothly as she could, “maybe this dream of yours means you actually do care about Sweet Glaze. Like… a lot!”

“Oh, I don’t know about that.” Nevertheless, Glass Slipper still shoved her hair to the middle of her face to try and hide behind. “I’ve only known him since the Crystal Empire was destroyed and… and… aren’t we still a bit young for dating and all that kind of stuff?”

Without warning, Sweetie Belle slammed a hoof onto their table, causing them all to jolt. “You’re never too young for love!” she said sternly, before she clarified. “I mean, as long as there’s not a ridiculous age gap or anything like that.”

Glass Slipper opened her mouth to say more, but instantly shut it with a snap as Sweet Glaze approached their table. On his back was a circular tray loaded with various types of milkshakes and malts covered in whipped cream and cherries.

“A little help… please…” he wheezed out.

Sweetie Belle used her horn to grab some items off the tray as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo left their chairs to do the same. When the tray was clear of items, Sweet Glaze set it aside and went to go grab an extra chair.

“Why don’t you take my seat, Sweet Glaze?” Sweetie Belle asked, exiting the one right next to Glass Slipper.

With a carefree expression, Sweet Glaze did just that and climbed up. His face froze the moment his hip momentarily collided with Glass Slipper’s. He chuckled weakly. “These chairs sure are close together, eh?”

“They’re fine,” Sweetie Belle reassured him, grabbing another chair to set on the other side of the table. “All close friends should sit close to one another.”

The following minute and a half at their table was nothing more than a loud series of slurps, burps, and tinkling glasses. When everyone had finished off their icy treat, they shoved them toward the center of the table and sighed contently.

“Thanks for the shakes, Sweet Glaze,” Apple Bloom said with melted ice cream plastered around her muzzle. “But where’d you even get enough bits to pay for it all? Allowance?”

“Oh. Uh…” Sweet Glaze looked away from her and out the ice cream shop’s bay window. Across the road was a small dance studio. He spun back to her. “You know… dancing and stuff.”

Sweetie Belle furrowed her brows. “You dance, Sweet Glaze? Since when?”

“Since a few minutes ago,” he said under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Since a few months ago,” he corrected. “Yep. Let’s go with that.”

Scootaloo leaned across the table. “The three of us dance sometimes. What kind of dancing do you do? Must be a pretty good one if you have so many bits to throw around.”

“What type of dancing?” Again, Sweet Glaze’s sight slowly drifted to the shops across the road. To the right of the dance studio was a pet shop that specialized in household animals not normally found around town. All that week they were having a deal on numerous exotic animals. His eyes lit up when it finally came to him. “Exotic dancing! Yep! That’s the kind I do!”

“Really?” Sweetie Belle looked taken back by that. “My sister Rarity went to some bridal party that had that type of dancing once. What do you do at shows like those exactly?”

“Exotic things,” he tried to explain. “You know… giant rings of fire… music with odd time signatures… lions and tigers and bears.”

“Oh my!” Sweetie Belle said with a gasp. “Next time Rarity goes to one of those shows, I wanna go too!”

The other three fillies around the table agreed and left the conversation at that.

On the way out of the shop, Sweetie Belle made sure Glass Slipper walked beside Sweet Glaze and that he went out of his way to hold the door open for her. While the two of them strolled ahead, she and her friends stayed behind.

“You seem to be trying pretty darn hard to get those two together, Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom said with a frown.

“I’ll say,” Scootaloo added. “You really should be careful messing in other ponies’ lives. And I thought it was you that wanted to make Sweet Glaze your coltfriend? Now you want him to hook up with Glass Slipper?”

Sweetie Belle shook her head, her eyes never leaving the backs of Glass Slipper and Sweet Glaze. “I’d much rather try and pair these two together, instead. I mean, how could I not? They’re practically living together already!? And aren’t they both sort of cute in that awkward kind of way?”

After a moment of deliberation, her two friends reluctantly agreed.

“And look at it this way,” Sweetie Belle’s face broke out into a creepily wide smile, “we get them together and that brings us all one step closer to our cutie marks!” She randomly leapt into the air. “Cutie Mark Matchmake—” she started to yell, before landing back on the ground in a huff. “This is the part where we all jump into the air together, remember?”

Scootaloo rubbed at her gut. “Could we save the trademark yell and jump for later? I’m way too full for stuff like that right now.”

Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. “Fine. But you both better be coming to singing practice later. I wrote a whole song about us becoming pony matchmakers and fully expect you both to be in a singing and dancing mood by then.”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo shrugged and hurried out the door in Sweet Glaze and Glass Slipper’s direction. Under her breath, Sweetie Belle murmured, “Cutie Mark Matchmakers Go!” before giggling wickedly to herself.

This can’t possibly backfire! she thought triumphantly.

Author's Notes:

A chapter without a single villain OR Tic, Tac, or Toe appearance?

You're on thin ice, NBD! So thin, in fact, you couldn't even play a proper game of hockey on it! You stereotypical Canadian bastard...