Twilight Sparkle was in the middle of the most wonderful of dreams. A new store had opened up in the heart of Ponyville promising only the most delicious of muffin tops with no dastardly muffin bottoms to get in the way. Finally, someone that understood the blandness of that dark side of the muffin. It was almost too good to be true. Mostly, because it was.

“Twilight? You’re drooling. Are you having that muffin tops dream again?”

One of Twilight’s eyes popped opened. “Oh, Celestia. Are those… whole strawberries… in the mixed fruit muffin tops?”

Princess Cadence roughly shook her awake. “Twilight! Now’s not the time for your fruity nonsense! Your friend Pinkie Pie is here and she says she needs a perfect party favor for an all villains party.”

Sluggishly, Twilight ran a hoof through her disheveled mane. “An all villains party? What would you even bring to something like that? Black licorice?”

Again, Princess Cadence gave her shoulders a hard shake. “Twilight, I don’t think you’re fully understanding what’s happening here. If Pinkie Pie’s hunch is correct, then that means C.U.T.E. might be holding a party right this very minute with every bad guy and ne’er-do-well in Equestria! It also means that I made the right call by staying with you after the Empire was destroyed…”

Cadence let her sentence end prematurely as Twilight eventually understood what was happening.

“Shiny!” Twilight finally squeaked out. “My brother should be there! We have to go rescue him!”

Cadence gave her a nod. “But we can’t try and rescue him on our own. We’ll need the help of the other Princesses and the Elements of Harmony to assist. Can you summon your friends here as quickly as possible, Twilight?”

The tip of Twilight’s horn glowed for a moment before fading. “Already done. I sent the Twi-signal up into the sky while we were speaking. My friends have been on red alert since the Empire attack so they should be here any minute.”

Cadence cocked a single brow. “Twi-signal? How often do you use that?”

Shrugging, Twilight explained, “Mostly whenever there’s a friendship problem. Or if I’m in serious need of pizza. There’s a place in Ponyville that makes a great feta and broccoli deep-dish that I can’t get enough of. You could say because of my signal, I basically have them on speed dial.”

“Then we don’t have a moment to lose.” Cadence turned away from Twilight to stare at Pinkie Pie, who was currently pacing around the room in a hurried circle. “Pinkie Pie, where is this party exactly? And can you tell how many individuals are possibly in attendance?”

In an effort to find a suitable party favor, Pinkie Pie was in the middle of sorting through some of Twilight’s old books. At the moment, it was a tough choice between “Fifty Shades of Lavender: The Paint Sample Book” and “101 Interesting Facts About Draconequi by Yottall Ton Ciddors”.

“If my party sense is telling me anything,” Pinkie explained as she glanced from book to book, “and it usually does, it’s that this villains party is totally off the hook! Meaning there might be anywhere from twenty to fifty attendees! Although I wouldn’t consider every one of them as a full blown villain.”

“And where is this party, Pinkie?” Twilight asked, once she rolled out of bed and went to stand next to Cadence. “Is there any chance we could surprise them somehow?”

Pinkie Pie giggled at something only she was aware of. “I doubt it. More likely, they’ll be the ones surprising a whole bunch of ponies tonight.”

“What does that mean?” Cadence questioned.

“It means the party’s been moved, silly! Now they’re in…” Pinkie Pie stopped for a moment to cough out a mouthful of confetti out onto her hoof. Once that was done, she gently blew it away and watched as it tumbled to the floor. Somehow that told her enough. “Canterlot! More specifically: Celestia’s castle!”

“Oh, crumbs,” Cadence muttered out. “Celestia isn’t going to like this.”

Princess Celestia was having the most wonderful of dreams. A new shop had opened up in the heart of Canterlot that served muffin tops and muffin tops only. Dozens of varieties. Friendly staff. All unused muffin bottoms going directly to the needy and the poor. It was a win-win-win situation for every citizen in Canterlot, no doubt. Now if only such a shop actually existed…

Celestia snorted and startled herself awake. Rising from bed, she held her covers tight to her chest. “Muffin tops? Again?” With a weary sigh, she turned to the set of shut doors across her bedroom. “Luna! We’ve been over this! Canterlot already has seven bakeries and all of them already specialize in muffins! Another shop would only hurt their business!”

Celestia watched the doors to Luna’s room for close to a minute.

“But I care not for muffin bottoms!” Luna eventually declared in return.

“Then just pick them off!” Celestia shouted back. “And stop giving ponies muffin top dreams! The amount of letters I’m receiving about new muffin shops is getting ridiculous!”

Celestia waited another minute before returning her head back to her pillow. It had been a long day and she was more than tired. Another solid round of sleep sounded like everything she wanted at the time. If only she could ignore the two sets of soft hoofsteps crossing her bedroom floor.

Intruders, she mused miserably. Of course the guards didn’t catch them. They never catch them, do they? Think they’d steal a few things and depart so I could continue to sleep? Or would they try to usurp me as usual? I could always get a good forty winks bound and gagged; I’ve done it enough by this point. I only hope they won’t try to knock me out with something. That always messes up the flow of my hair and I hate that. I could deal with them myself… but then I’d have to get up. Since when had this bed become so darn comfy?

Without shifting her position an inch, Celestia told the intruders, “Take what you want, just so long as you don’t bother me. I’m tired and I can deal with you both in the morning. Consider it a head start. Sound good? All right, I’m going back to sleep now.”

The soft hoofsteps came to a halt and Celestia heard one of them whisper to the other. Then, after a moment’s hesitation, one of them came forward to stop at the side of her bed. Something light and metallic shifted off her bedside table.

Celestia lit her horn and came face to face with Sunset Shimmer.

She gave Celestia a crooked grin. “Good evening, Celestia. What’s brings you here?”

“It’s my personal bedchambers.”

Sunset nodded. “Ah. That’s makes sense. Well, I’ll just be grabbing this here crown of yours and I’ll be on my way, so you can go right back to sleep if you want.”

“You’re stealing my crown?” Celestia spoke morosely. “Again?”

“Old habits and all,” Sunset Shimmer replied coolly. “But I wouldn’t worry too much about little old me, though. Everyone else vying for your crown on the other hoof…”

Darn, was the last thing Celestia thought of in the soft and warm confines of her bed. “Guards!” Celestia roared for all of her castle to hear.

Garble was pleased with the progress made thus far. Less than three minutes ago, his medium-sized group of dragon brethren and him had stomped onto the grounds of Canterlot and already they had the pair of stallion guards blocking the entrance to the castle right where they wanted them. It would only be a matter of seconds until both guards broke for good and they’d be permitted to enter the castle with ease.

“Who dressed you this morning, huh? Your mom? Figures she’d pick out something so lame to wear!”

The stallion guard on the left took on their latest taunt with a noticeably quivering chin. “My mother didn’t dress me at all! These are standard guard uniforms! Ask anyone around here!”

“What a bunch of losers they got standing outside the castle!” another younger dragon japed. “Not good enough to protect the Princesses inside? Do they make you water the flowers when you have nothing better to do?”

“Sometimes!” the poor stallion guard on the right yelped, his eyes already brimming with tears. “But we only do that to be polite! The Canterlot gardener has a lot on her plate, so—”

“These excuses are getting worse and worse,” Garble complained loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose with his claws. “How can you even call yourselves guards? In the history of Equestria has a single guard ever successfully protected a Princess? I think by this point a suit of armor stuffed with rocks would protect them better. At least rocks wouldn’t run off when things got bad.”

“Shut up!” the left guard pleaded. “I once took a pie in the face for Princess Luna! Why… why if she was actually hit with that blueberry pie—there’s no telling what could’ve happened! It could’ve started The Fifth Great Equestrian War for all we know!”

Garble snorted and laughed alongside the other dragons. “So your special talent is taking pies to the face? No wonder they got you on moon watch duty! If I were you, I’d pack it in right now. What’s the point in even trying? You’re both such losers, anyways. Leave protecting the Princesses to the real guards, why don’t you?”

That latest barb seemed to be the one that started the waterworks, as the pony on the left began to sob uncontrollably while the one on the right sniffled and attempted to console him with a hoof.

Using his horn, the guard on the right shoved open the door behind them and led them both inside. He called back timidly, “You’re all lucky it happens to be cheese and cracker break time! Otherwise… otherwise…”

“Otherwise you would’ve thought of an actual comeback?” Garble asked thickly.

The guard raised his chin a bit and slammed the doors shut. Garble was surprised when he heard no lock or mechanism slide into place across the doors. Perhaps his group’s intimidation and vicious name calling had ended up working too well.

Garble wasn’t about to complain, though. An unlocked castle was still an unlocked castle.

“High-five!” Garble slapped his claws against the closest dragon to him. They all chuckled and laughed until their eyes started leaking. “That crown is as good as ours!”

Garble’s throat went dry the moment two new unicorn guards stepped out of the castle, donning the same uniforms as the previous two.

“I’ve heard word a group of dragons has been harassing some of our guards. Is this true?”

Garble couldn’t meet the pair of mare guards in the eyes. The two of them looked at the gang of teenage dragons like well-chewed pieces of gum stuck to the bottom of their hooves.

“Will someone answer her!?” the other mare exclaimed, causing them all to jolt.

Someone nudged Garble in the hip. “What are you waiting for? Just do what you did to the other guards. Taunt them until they give up! Go ahead, Garble.”

With his claws, Garble awkwardly scratched the back of his head. “Well… you see… I’m not used to talking to girls. They’re… different, you know? Delicate and soft. Why don’t you give it a try?”

The other dragon puffed out his chest before taking a step in the guards’ direction. “You there! Mares!”

“Yes?” One of the mares sneered at him in vivid disgust.

The dragon made a clicking noise in his throat; his puffed out chest deflating in a hurry. “Having a good night? When is your shift over? I have a great recipe for chili if you’re interested.”

Garble smacked the dragon across the head. “You rocks for brains!”

“But… but they’re pretty, Garble!” was the only answer the dragon had.

The same mare from a moment ago rolled her eyes. “That’s it. Party’s over. You’re all standing on private property—castle visiting hours are between six and eight—so that means…” She glanced to her matching cohort in sparkling armor.

“You all get lasers set to stun!” they finished as one, before illuminating their horns and shooting out bright bursts of painful electricity in all directions.

Garble’s pack of young dragons energetically dispersed at once, heading everywhere except the castle doors. That was fine. Only one individual could lay claim to Celestia’s crown that night, so what point was there for added competition anyways? More than likely one of the others would’ve tried taking it from Garble at some point.

“Get back here you!” Again and again, the mare guards fired off laser after laser at each swiftly scurrying dragon. “This’ll teach you to pick on innocent Canterlot guards!”

While the two guards split away from the castle doors, Garble took the opportunity and quickly lunged towards the castle. Only after sealing the doors shut with a long wooden rod behind him did he hear Celestia’s earsplitting call for more guards.

“About freaking time!” Discord wailed, perched on the lip of the rooftop overlooking Canterlot. “Feels like I’ve been waiting over a month for something interesting to happen!”

Down below, the five members of C.U.T.E. watched in silent fascination as Garble’s group of likeminded dragons first succeeded in verbally breaking down two guards before being utterly destroyed by a pair of armored mares. As Tirek and Discord laughed, Sombra only growled deep in his throat while his nostrils flared. “So help me, Discord! If any one of those imbecilic dragons manages to steal that crown—”

Discord shushed Sombra with a thin finger up the nose—causing Sombra to take a few steps back and sneeze violently. “Settle down, King Poopy Pants. Don’t want to see you go ruining another pair of perfectly good pants simply by overreacting.”

“But I’m not wearing any pants!” Sombra barked back.

“I’ll say,” Chrysalis added playfully, giving Sombra’s bare rump a quick poke.

Discord sighed. “Let me clarify for all those too idiotic to understand—namely, everyone currently on this rooftop.”

“Hey!” Bad Dude yelped.

Discord waved his fingers at him. “Hey, Bad Dude. How’s it going? Anyways, what this little ‘competition’ of mine will do is something simple, but more importantly, fundamental: remove the weak from the strong. Garble showed us just that. In the quest for Celestia’s crown, he cast aside his fellow zit-covered dragons and marched right inside the castle to better his own chances of success. Do I want Garble on the team? Not really. Teenagers are the scum of the Earth. It’s just a fact. But with any luck, this’ll only be a taste of what’s to come this evening.”

Anxiously, Bad Dude kept his focus on the darkened castle ahead. It had been over a minute since they’d heard Celestia cry out for her guards and over thirty seconds since Terrible Colt had stopped his fiery reign of doom and broken a window in order to get inside the castle’s main floor. It had also been over five minutes since he’d sent Tic, Tac, and Toe on their way.

“Where’s that brother of yours, Tirek?” Sombra asked. “The one called Grogar. If there was anyone I expected to do well tonight, it was him. He appeared nefarious enough for this group. Or… at least more nefarious than Bad Dude.”

“Hey!” Bad Dude yelped again.

“Hey, Bad Dude. How are you doing? Need another blanket?”

On the other side of the roof, Tirek exhaled bitterly. “As much as Grogar may call me brother, he is in fact nothing of the sort. Centuries ago he saved my life and ever since then he’s become accustom to calling me ‘brother’, although I would never say the name has ever been spoken with any sort of love behind it. I think since saving my life, Grogar may look at me as merely an object of interest. At any point, he could ask a single favor of me and I’m sure I would comply regardless of what said favor would entail. Centaurs have always been like that. My father once stopped me from eating an apple with a worm in it. In return, I destroyed an entire battalion of enemy unicorns and pegasi for him.” He sighed. “Upon reflection, I’m almost certain he was the one that placed that worm in my apple in the first place.”

Discord glared at him dumbfounded. “So you’re telling me that if it wasn’t for Grogar, you’d be dead by now?”

Tirek nodded solemnly.

“That bastard!” Discord raised both arms in fury. “If I see that guy again—BAM—right in the kisser! Yes! Right in the crotch!”

Seemingly uncaring of worms and soft parts of the male anatomy, Chrysalis yawned while glancing around the roof. “Bad Dude? You wouldn’t happen to know where my children have gone off to, would you?”

“Uh…” Bad Dude nervously chewed on the tip of his tongue. “I dropped my popcorn, so I asked if they would grab me some more. And a pop, if they could find one.”

“Oh, I see.”

Bad Dude breathed a sigh of relief.

Chrysalis raised her head again. “Why not ask Discord for more popcorn? From what I understand, he’s part draconequus and part popcorn machine. Equal part annoying, too.”

“Need more popcorn, Bad Dude?” Discord strolled over to him and coughed out a batch of saliva-soaked kernels onto his hand. “I think I have some extra butter in my ears somewhere if you want it.”

Bad Dude grimaced. “Nah. I’m good, but thanks. Tic, Tac, and Toe should be back soon. I think they were getting restless—sitting and watching for so long. They probably wanted to stretch their wings a bit.”

“Wouldn’t have anything to do with the sudden appearance of Terrible Colt, would it?” Sombra asked tentatively, not taking his eyes off the city before him. “Sending three innocent changeling helpers to purposely sabotage a prospective villain recruit, perhaps?”

Bad Dude held two hooves to his cheeks to hide his rising blush. “What? No way! Why would I do something like that?”

“Just making conversation.” Lightly, Sombra tapped his hooves together. “Although… using one’s minions to backstab another is rather nefarious.”

Chrysalis nodded in assent. “Agreed.”

“Oh.” Bad Dude lowered his hooves again. “In that case—”

“But,” Discord cut in suddenly, “is it truly nefarious to backstab a fellow villain? Or does it work like a double-negative and cancel each other out? Tirek betrayed me long ago and he didn’t get any more nefarious. In fact, all he got was several lifetimes wrapped up in chains.”

Both Sombra and Chrysalis nodded along.

“Perhaps we should consult the Villains Handbook on this one.”

Tirek, Sombra, Chrysalis, and Discord all reached behind their backs to retrieve an identical green text covered in gold writing. They all thumbed to the center before Discord furrowed his brows.

“This might take a while,” he went on to explain. “Says here there’s a difference between a villain betraying a villain and a villain betraying a once-reformed-or-innocent-villain; and don’t get me started on the addition of hapless minions in order to betray a once-reformed-or-innocent-villain.”

“If we want to get to the bottom of this,” Chrysalis surmised, “you’d better snap us up some coffee.”

“I’m well ahead of you.” Then Discord did just that as Bad Dude could only stare at them in hopeless and utter confusion.

“Well? What are you waiting for? Get me that crown!” Diamond Tiara angled her head up to her butler, who was still rubbing sleep out of his eyes after being slapped awake only minutes before being hauled out to Canterlot castle.

Her butler took off his cotton sleeping cap. “I’m not sure that’s part of my duties, Diamond. Breaking into Canterlot castle after dark for the sole purpose of stealing Princess Celestia’s crown? Such acts of violence would look terrible on a resume.”

Diamond Tiara stomped a tiny hoof angrily. “Like I care! Who do you even work for? My family or Princess Celestia? Answer me that, Jeeves!”

“You know my name isn’t Jeeves.”

With a grumble, Diamond Tiara replied, “You honestly expect someone like me to keep track of all the hired help?”

“I’ve taken care of you since the day you were born, my precious Diamond.”

She stuck out her tongue at him. “That just means you’re old. And old things are the worst! Unless they’re diamonds or jewels. Those are okay, I guess.”

Using her hoof, Silver Spoon gently pulled on her friend’s foreleg. “Could we just go home already, Diamond Tiara? I don’t like the looks of things around here. There’re so many villains out tonight, and I’m sure Twilight Sparkle will be arriving any minute now…” She kicked a small pebble on the street. “And why do you even want to be a part of C.U.T.E.? I know they’re sort of popular now, but they plan on taking over the world eventually! I know you’re not always super nice to everyone, but I didn’t think that meant you wanted to actually rule over everyone.”

In response, Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes and played with her mane. “Again, Silver Spoon, you’re missing the point here. I could care less about—”

“It’s couldn’t care less, Diamond,” her butler corrected lightly.

Diamond scrunched her face at him. “Did I say you could speak, Alfred!?”

“Now you’re merely changing my name on purpose, aren’t you?” Diamond Tiara’s butler hung his head low. “I could’ve made it look like an accident, you know. I had the pillow and everything. You were only three months old and already I could see the evil lurking deep inside of you.”

“What was that, Geoffrey?” Diamond Tiara spat.

“Nothing… nothing, my beautiful Diamond… my beautiful treasure trove that should’ve remained buried and forgotten.”

“That’s better.” Diamond faced her nervous friend again. “As I was saying: I have no intention of joining some stupid league of washed-up old villains. All I want is Celestia’s crown. Wouldn’t I look smashing with such a jewel? And what better time to grab it than when everyone else has the Princesses occupied?”

Silver Spoon’s mouth went as thin as a pencil line. “And you think your butler is capable of doing that? He is pretty old.”

“He’s never let me down before, has he?”

Cracking his head from side to side, Diamond’s butler did as he was bid and galloped towards the castle before being spotted by a guard.

Again, the butler lowered his head. “I can only hope you will forgive me in time, my good stallion.” He then brought his hoof up to the guard’s chin, leaving him sprawled out in the dirt. Following that, the ageing butler took the guard’s shield and spear and continued on his way in the direction of the bustling castle.

Diamond Tiara grinned. “See? Whatever I want, I get!”

Her friend only regarded her dryly. “You do realize your butler once thought about putting a pillow over your face when you were a foal, right?”

Diamond Tiara shrugged. “So has the rest of my father’s hired help.”

Terrible Colt kept his distance from the melee up the hall. Instead, he spent that time adjusting his flamethrower and speaker system for a more interior setting. It would still seem terrifying and chaotic to all those around, he had no doubt, but more than anything he didn’t want to get torched along with the others during his journey towards Celestia’s crown.

He had to suppress a faint giggle underneath his steel mask. What would Bad Dude think once he successfully stole the crown? Would they become instant best friends or would it take time to get to know each other? Either or would do just fine.

Upon reflection, Terrible Colt thought they’d get along instantly. He wouldn’t be there at all if it wasn’t for Bad Dude, correct? The first foal super villain of our time? Hadn’t Terrible Colt even fashioned a wooden figure in Bad Dude’s likeness and painted it to match the real pony almost exact?

I probably won’t show him that, though, Terrible Colt thought. Don’t want to come off as crazy or anything. Maybe as a Hearth’s Warming Eve present.

Once he’d clamped both homemade Piston Hooves on each foreleg, Terrible Colt peered down the hallway again to access the situation at hoof. Somehow things had gotten even worse than before.

Princess Celestia’s face was stuck in a grimace as she continuously fired a barrage of magic in Sunset Shimmer and Starlight Glimmer’s direction. In return, Sunset had erected a thick barrier to keep them safe—although it appeared to be weakening with every passing moment.

“Luna!” Celestia cried. “Please! I need your help!”

Out of sight in another room came an answer full of regret. “You know I cannot be a part of this, Celestia. It… it brings back memories I would much rather have forgotten about…”

“Sister!” Celestia tried once more. “You know we can only succeed if we work together!”

“Then I am sorry, Celestia,” was the last statement Luna made that entire evening.

While Celestia was busy speaking with her sister, Starlight had stepped away from her magical cover and shot her own spell at Celestia, forcefully propelling her against a wall. The two unicorns took the opening and trotted up the hall—only to be met by another pair in search of the crown.

“What do we have here?” Gilda asked snidely, wings hurriedly flapping in the air.

“Two unicorns in over their heads, obviously,” Lightning Dust added. “But thanks for getting the crown for us.”

Both of the flyers lunged for the unicorns. Sunset was able to halt Lightning Dust and drive her into the ground, but Starlight had been taken by surprise by another guard from inside the castle. One quick freeze spell later and Starlight had disposed of the guard. Too bad Sunset had already been thrown into a wall by Gilda, who then took Celestia’s crown all for herself.

“That was easy.” Gilda twirled the gold crown around one of her claws, before helping Lightning Dust back to her hooves. “I’ll make you a deal, Pizza Crust.”

“Lightning Dust,” the pegasus growled.

“Whatever. Whoever makes it back to Discord from Canterlot first gets to join the Coalition. Sound fair? And then whoever joins simply puts in a good word for the other. Win-win! Sound good?”

“Yes, win-win sounds good to Terrible Colt.”

Before Gilda could do more than squawk out a single syllable, Terrible Colt charged up his lightweight Piston Hooves and drove a solid punch right into her gut—sending her not just through one wall, but three.

He glanced at Lightning Dust who instantly shied away from him.

“Hey! The crown’s all yours, kiddo!” she sputtered out. “Just let me know when you plan on kicking the feathers out of Rainbow Dash, okay? Save me a seat?”

Terrible Colt nodded. “Will do.”

Terrible Colt took his time crawling through each hole Gilda had left in her wake. When he finally came upon her curled up body, he nabbed the crown still held tight in her claws for only a mere second before it was forcibly taken from him.

“Sorry!” Sunset Shimmer stood out in the hall and slapped the crown over her head as fast as she could before teleporting away. But that was fine, though. Terrible Colt was a pegasus and he could outpace any unicorn on the way back to Discord.

Still, that made him annoyed. Once again, he charged up his Piston Hooves.

I’ll aim for the face next time, he thought.

That was when someone knocked on the hole in the wall before entering the room he was in.

Terrible Colt cocked his head to the side. “What are you three doing here?”

Author's Notes:

NBD: Remember readers when I said this chapter would wrap up all this crown business?

Readers: That's right, Derpy! You did!

NBD: I lied.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wk-jT9rn-8

(Having too much fun with this part, it seems. Next part should be the last. Hopefully.)