Shining Armor fidgeted uneasily on his tiny bed. He’d only been in C.U.T.E’s clutches for less than a day and already being there was eating at him. Every few moments he’d find himself staring at his door again, curious about who was about to storm inside and harass him. So far… no one had, which almost made him more restless than if they would.

He was an important hostage, wasn’t he? He wasn’t merely taken from the Crystal Empire because it was convenient at the time, right? What a blow to the ego it would be if that ended up being the case.

“This is useless,” Shining muttered, rising from his bed to stare out the window again. He looked down at the thousands of feet between him and the Earth. If only he’d been born a pegasus or got an upgrade like his sister had. Maybe if he could somehow get his magic back, he could jump out the window and wrap himself up in a protective bubble right before he hit the dirt.

Then he thought of what might happen should his magical bubble not be exactly up to the challenge. That made him shudder, so he turned away from the window.

“Shining!” a familiar voice called to him. “Oh, I’ve finally found you!”

In the center of his room, Shining whirled on the spot to witness the most wonderful of sights—Princess Cadence hovering right outside of his lone window. Pulling her wings to her sides, she effortlessly flew inside the room and straightened herself out, tossing a bit of mane out of her eyes.

“We’ve been searching over all of Equestria for you!” Cadence told him breathlessly. “And finally we’ve found you! I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve missed you, my love. The Empire… the Empire is in great need of repair and only together can we see that it gets done. Have they harmed you at all?”

Shining shook his head, nearly speechless by the sudden turn of events. “No, not really. Actually, they’ve been rather nice to me—or Bad Dude has, at least. Sombra wants to eat my guts, clearly; Chrysalis is a nut-job; Tirek’s knitting me a pair of socks for some reason.”

Cadence rolled her eyes. “Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to call Chrysalis a nut-job, Shining. She may just be under a lot of stress lately that you simply wouldn’t know about.”

Sighing, Shining told her, “It really doesn’t matter now. I’m so happy you’ve found me, Cadence. Now let’s get out of here and tell the other Princesses where C.U.T.E’s base of operations is. I have a feeling if we strike them unawares we could finish them off for good. And then give Bad Dude the worst time out of his life.”

Cadence anxiously nodded along. “Yes, yes. All in good time, my sweet. But before we depart from this terrible place… perhaps a kiss for your cute, little wife?”

This caught Shining off guard. It also made him smile for the first time in a long time. Here he’d been so preoccupied with trying to escape, he’d completely forgotten to be thankful that his wife was alive and well. And still madly in love with him, by the sounds of it.

He leaned in for a kiss while Cadence grabbed his head and pulled him forward. Their lips mashed together harder than a sledgehammer hit and Shining let out a grunt in response.

When all was said and done, Cadence released him and sighed contently. “That was nice. Perhaps there’s still time for…?” She let the question hang in the air as she wiggled a single brow mischievously.

Shining blanched. “What? Here? We need to escape, Cadence! They could check up on me at any moment and—”

Ignoring his outburst, Cadence strolled to the room’s thin bed to lay on. “But doesn’t that just add to the mood, my Prince? The odds of being caught and captured all over again? The high possibility of Bad Dude trotting inside here and being traumatized for life?”

Shining closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’ve heard enough. We’re escaping. Now.” Walking to the bed, he hooked a foreleg around Cadence’s middle to force her up.

Cadence, meanwhile, fought his every move. “But I’m the Princess of Love! And now I want some love, Shining! I wouldn’t deny you a whole whack load of shiny armor if you wanted some!”

Nearing the window with Cadence in tow, Shining finally stopped as his shoulders slumped. He spoke emotionlessly, “You’re Chrysalis, aren’t you? Damn it! Why did I even fall for that?”

A large smirk ate up Cadence’s face. “I don’t have to be Chrysalis right now, though; I could be your sweet little Cadence for a whole afternoon, Shining. I promise I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Shining paled. “You’re disgusting. And aren’t you with Sombra now?”

Chrysalis barked out a laugh. “We have a very understanding relationship. He just doesn’t want me appearing as myself. So no Cadence, then? Someone younger perhaps?”

In a whirl of green flames, the image of Cadence disappeared and was replaced by one of Fluttershy. She raised a brow at him.

“Just leave me alone,” Shining implored her desperately.

Chrysalis narrowed her eyes at him. “Or perhaps you’re the really sick and twisted type.”

That was when Chrysalis transformed into Twilight Sparkle and Shining had to fight with himself not to vomit out that morning’s delicious plate of crepes.

“I’m not one to judge,” Chrysalis chuckled out. “Isn’t that right, Apple Pony?” Another blast of green flames revealed yet another false image—this time Big Mac’s.

“Yepperoni!” he spoke happily.

Fearing his brain cells would start killing themselves in self defense soon, Shining collapsed to the floor and held his head in a hoof. He roughly informed her, “For the record, it’s ‘Eeyup’. Idiot.”

Chrysalis finally revealed her true self and exhaled out in frustration. “That’s what you heroes lack. No fun to be found in any of you. All I wanted was a little love—a tasty mid-day snack. Don’t have to be such a grump about it.”

Someone knocked on the door before entering.

“Shining?” Bad Dude asked tentatively. “Think you could help me with something? If you’re not busy that is.”

In a split second, Shining was on his hooves again and bounding for the door. Using his hooves, he scooped Bad Dude up and held him against his chest. “Oh, yes! Oh, Celestia, yes! Anything, Bad Dude! Let’s do anything as long as it doesn’t involve Chrysalis and gets me out of this room!”

Bad Dude furrowed his brows. “What would Chrysalis have to do with anything?”

“Because…” Shining started, before he turned around and found Chrysalis nowhere to be found. She must’ve escaped out the window when Bad Dude knocked. “Never mind. What do you need help with? Hoof painting? A popsicle stick birdhouse?”

Bad Dude shook his head. “Nah. Maybe another time. Actually, I need help performing a nefarious deed otherwise I might be in trouble with Sombra, and I really don’t want that. And I can’t ask anyone else in the group for help with it. So what sort of nefarious deed do you think I’d be good at?”

A brand new idea struck Shining like a bolt of lightning from the sky. “I have the greatest nefarious deed idea, Bad Dude.”

That good news got Bad Dude’s tail wagging. “Really? What it is?”

Shining let go of Bad Dude to whisper to him, “Let me go completely unharmed. Release me right this instant.”

Bad Dude became puzzled by that. “What? Why would I do that?”

“Think about it, Bad Dude,” Shining began to explain, placing a gentle hoof on his shoulder. “Imagine if you will: Sombra and company enter my room later in the day and see I’m absolutely nowhere to be found. ‘Where did he go?’ they ask. That’s when you pop up and exclaim, ‘I released him! Because that completely goes against what we wanted and, boy, isn’t that just darn nefarious of me!’ And then they’d all shake their heads and agree at once and I’d sleep soundly in bed with my wife again. Sound like a plan, partner? Okay, let’s do it!”

As Shining flashed the most pleasant smile he could muster, Bad Dude didn’t budge from his spot. Instead he brought a hoof up to his chin to ponder with. “I dunno about it, Shining…” he started. “I think they’d just be mad at me for letting you go. Couldn’t you just help me perform a nefarious deed? Pretty please?”

Shining could feel his only chance at escape slipping away from him. “Second idea! Truly nefarious, I promise! What if you give up and turn yourself in?” He let that sentence hang in the air for a moment. “Imagine: Bad Dude turns against his own team and joins forces with the Elements of Harmony! Discord would be all like, ‘That’s mighty nefarious if I do say so myself!’ And Chrysalis would add, ‘Truly the most nefarious of ponies are the ones that can’t be trusted!’ And then Twilight and I would give you ice cream and belly rubs and whatever else you might want for turning against your own team. What do you say to that, Bad Dude? Sounds pretty nefarious to me.”

Bad Dude continued holding his ‘pondering’ pose. “But I don’t want to leave the group, Shining. I really like everyone and I would never want to betray them. But that does give me an idea, though!”

Shining grimaced. “What does?”

“Turning against your own team,” Bad Dude clarified. “I could totally convince you to become a villain like all of us! What do you think of the name Shadow Shield?”

“Shadow Shield? What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know. But it sounds cool, doesn’t it?”

A lump of ice dropped into Shining’s stomach. “What’s the alternative?”

Bad Dude shrugged. “I guess I’d go do nefarious stuff on my own and leave you here. Sombra said he had some stuff planned today and wanted your help with them. He was laying a lot of garbage bags out on the floor in the living room for some reason earlier. Not sure why exactly.”

Shining gulped dryly. “Shadow Shield it is!”

“Trixie told you she could handle it!” Trixie spoke loudly, her chin held high. “Trixie has made quite a few acquaintances during her years as a traveling magician.” She lowered her tone for a moment. “And if this works… put in a good word for Trixie with the Coalition? Yes?”

Bad Dude nodded. “Of course! So, who are these two you wanted me to meet?”

“Why none other than the two greatest sales ponies around, my young colt!”

From behind a large red curtain walked out two identical unicorns with matching vests and hats. One had a mustache while the other was cleanly shaven. They both spoke so loud, it was as if they thought everyone they talked to must’ve been legally deaf.

“Need one nefarious deed done from what I understand? Well, say no more! Equestria’s very own world famous Flim and Flam Brothers are at your service!” said Flam, giving his trademark mustache a quick flick. “As long as we get to keep the proceeds that may be created during the course of today, clearly. And a solid word with your group, as well.”

By Flam’s side, Flim did a tiny bow. “Quite the honor to be working with such a well-known villain, Bad Dude; word has spread about what you and your group accomplished at the Crystal Empire and we are most impressed. Not that I’d ever consider myself or my brother as real villains, mind you—rather hard working sales ponies that just so happen to have a constant bad reputation for one unknown reason or another.”

Flam nodded. “Very well said, Flim. As hard as we try, ponies still don’t seem to trust us anymore. I’m not sure why, exactly.” He looked down at Bad Dude. “Ready to hear the scam?”

Bad Dude anxiously tapped his hooves together. “Is it nefarious, though? Like really nefarious? I only have a few hours left to pull off something nefarious and I really don’t want to screw it up.”

Film waved a hoof. “Easy, my young friend! It’s the darn near perfect plan! Trixie here will go around town and drum up business in her usual smoke-and-mirrors style, while Flam and I will set up our booth just outside of this tent. What’s that you may ask? What’s the booth outside this tent for?”

“But I didn’t say—” Bad Dude began before being interrupted.

“For the one and only ‘Rainbow Dash Relief Fund’ of course!” Flam continued for his brother, adding a touch of sorrow to his voice. “News has spread that one of the greats has fallen in battle recently—the greatest pegasus known to pony kind, Rainbow Dash. Right this moment, she is trapped in a hospital, stuck in a cute coma no one’s sure she’ll ever fully recover from.”

“Hey!” Bad Dude stomped a tiny hoof. “Rainbow Dash is just fine! She only needed some bed rest after the battle!”

Flam rolled his eyes. “Well, duh! That’s why it’s called a scam, Mr. Dude! We tell ponies all around Ponyville that Rainbow Dash is hurt and needs money to cover her hospital bills and in return, they’ll receive…” From out of his pocket he pulled out a crudely-made bobble head doll that had Rainbow Dash’s likeness to it. “One Special Limited Edition Specifically Numbered Element of Harmony Figurine! Complete with carrying case and matching thermos set!”

“Oh, wow!” Bad Dude yelped. “Can I have one? I think I have some money back at home.”

This time it was Flim that rolled his eyes. “It’s a scam, kid! There’s only one figure available and it just so happens to be the one my brother’s holding. We tell ponies to collect all six Elements of Harmony figurines, they give us their bits, and then we write down their address to mail it to them later. They get a cool toy and feel better by helping out a worthy cause—and in the end, we skip town with all their money! Winning!”

“And you think that’s nefarious enough?” Bad Dude asked uncertain.

Flam answered, “If you really wanted ponies to give us bits, you could always shove a pillow over Rainbow Dash’s face and finish the job once and for all. Up to you, kiddo.”

Bad Dude’s jaw dropped. “I wouldn’t do that!”

“It’s a joke, Bad Dude. Lighten up.” Flam chuckled. “You’re a sales pony now! And sales ponies have a great time, all the time!”

“I don’t think this is a very good idea, Bad Dude.”

Flim and Flam shrieked at the exact same time. Flam asked breathlessly, “What the bits was that? I thought it was just you and Trixie in this tent.”

Out of the shadows of the tent’s corner came an armored stallion dressed all in black. On his head was a thick helmet with curving purple horns and over his back was a cape with the initials “S.S.” stitched into it. His face-covering helmet lowered his voice so much it was barely recognizable anymore.

“That’s just Shadow Shield,” Bad Dude answered earnestly. “Well, actually, it’s Shining Armor, but I’m slowly corrupting him.”

“No, you’re not,” spoke Shadow Shield. “This helmet just makes me sound much eviler than I actually am. Also, I can hardly move under all of this armor.”

“But it looks so cool!” Bad Dude explained. “And it’s heavy so you’ll look more intimidating and won’t run off on me.”

“Let’s get this over with, then…” Shadow Shield sighed. “But don’t think I’ll be forgetting about this, Bad Dude. I’ll be keeping track of every single pony you steal from today and when your group is no more, I’ll personally make sure they all get their bits back.”

“Okay, Shadow Shield.” Bad Dude turned back to Flim and Flam. “So what can I do to help? This is kinda supposed to be my big plan, after all.”

Flim and Flam chuckled together. “You really don’t know how popular you’ve become, do you? Ever since that Empire attack, word’s spread about you, Bad Dude. I don’t think it would be wise having you running around town without a proper disguise.”

Bad Dude grimaced. “A disguise? Like what?”

Flam grinned brightly. “Glad you asked! For only ten easy payments of sixteen bits, you can own your very own patented Sales Pony Mustache!” From one of his vest pockets, Flam pulled out a small red-and-white fake mustache. “Look as it glistens in the light! So shiny! So soft! So mesmerizing, isn’t it?”

Flim gasped from the fake mustache’s sight. “Any pony that wears one of these is guaranteed to see an instant ten-percent increase in all sales! As well as a full twenty-percent increase in all bartering prices! And did we mention the full eighty-percent increase in overall handsomeness?”

“Wow!” Bad Dude whispered. “I need to have one of those! Like right now!”

“No, you don’t,” spoke Shadow Shield lowly. “They’re scamming you, Bad Dude. It’s just a fake mustache. That should be obvious.”

Flam exhaled angrily. “Oh, what does that oversized tin can know? I bet he doesn’t even have the face to handle such a fine mustache. I pity him. I truly do.”

“Can we get on with this already?” Trixie harrumphed. “It’s not like Trixie has more important things to get to today or anything.”

“Okay, team! Let’s go!” Bad Dude shouted happily, firmly attaching Flim and Flam’s fake mustache to his face. It was weird, but he somehow did feel more handsome just by wearing it. Taking a breath, he pulled back the curtains on the tent and entered the booth just outside of it.

“Hello, Ponyville! Who’s ready to give some bits to a good cause?”

Bad Dude’s next sentence instantly dried in his throat as he saw three ponies he desperately didn’t want to that day start marching towards him:

Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo.

Author's Notes:

Okay. Not the craziest ending to a chapter. Consider this part 1 of 2 of "Nefarious Deed Doing".

Question time! Say CUTE throws a "villains only" party soon. Which 5 villains not part of the group would you like to see attend/get involved in some shenanigans? (Trixie/Flim and Flam can still be included.)

Please let me know!