Artex awoke the next morning to the sight of a still sleeping Razor Wit held in his arms. He looked down at his wife and smiled warmly. Love flowed through him as he gazed down at her sleeping form. She slumbered with her forehooves curled up against her barrel, nestled against his chest. Artex leaned down and planted a tender kiss on her muzzle tip.

The room suddenly exploded into a maelstrom of fire. Paint burned and blistered while windows cracked and shattered. Floorboards bent and snapped before finally bursting into blackened cinders.

The very air itself became so hot that it burned Artex' lungs when he breathed it in.

When he moved to pull Razor closer to himself, he was met not by the comforting warmth of her equine body, but by the unpleasant slickness of something cold wet that oozed across the skin of his arms. When he looked down he was horrified to discover that the entire front of his body was covered in blood. It was everywhere; on his hands, his arms, his chest and stomach, soaked into the sheets and drenching the blankets.

Razor was nowhere to be seen.

Artex tried to scream, to shout, to howl in rage and disgust, but quickly found himself unable to make even a whisper of a sound. Dread filled his heart and stomach, swelling up his throat and over his tongue before finally bursting like vomit from his mouth in a silent gushing of air.

A sudden flash of light drew his attention sharply upward. Smoke and flames licked outward from the walls and floor, bathing the room in hellish red and yellow light. As he looked past the billowing curtains of smoke that were quickly filling the room Artex quickly found himself staring into the soulless red eyes of a silhouetted figure standing at the foot of his bed. Little more than an obscure smudge of living shadow, the figure regarded him with a cold and empty expression as it stared back at him.

Fire danced across the figure's unmoving form, light and shadow mingling in unnatural displays that defied all reason and logic. A web of jagged cracks split the walls before a chunk of ceiling suddenly broke and collapsed inward, raining down bits of wood and plaster.

The silhouette lurched forward and began to make its way towards Artex, moving with slow and deliberate purpose as it rounded the bed and strode up to where he sat. Artex felt as though he were frozen within his own blood stained body as he watched as the figure approach him. He tried to make out its face as it drew closer but could see only a featureless mask of smoke and shadow that obscured his sight. The only thing he could make out were two brilliant green eyes that were rimmed by dark orange sunbursts that radiated from the pupils.

When the figure was finally upon him, looming over the bed like some nightmarish tower of shadowy flesh, it looked down at Artex with those soulless pools that were its eyes. For what seemed like an eternity, the two of them just stared at each other, silent and stiff as statues, neither one moving as the rest of the room became consumed in the spreading fires.

It was only then that Artex noticed the familiar shape of a khopesh held in the thing's hand, shadow black like the rest of its ethereal body and dripping with blood.

The figure finally spoke.

"No mercy...." its voice rumbled coldly, a distorted rippling of alien sound; familiar and unfamiliar; human yet inhuman.

Before Artex could respond, the figure raised its khopesh high above its head.

"No forgiveness...."

With a shadowy snap of its arm, the figure brought the weapon down upon Artex like a bolt of blackened lightning. The last thing Artex saw before the curved blade struck him down was the figure's face which had now become a twisted reflection of his own

Tears and blood were smeared across its cheeks.

"No peace...."

The khopesh struck the center of Artex' face, cleaving through flesh and bone and brains until it split his head in two.

Cold, silent blackness enveloped his every sense.

He saw nothing.

He heard nothing.

He felt nothing.

* * *

Artex blinked in the dawning light filtering in through the windows of the room. He remembered that he had a dream, but he could not remember any of the details. He shrugged, that was normal for him. He looked down lovingly at the tan Unicorn mare who was snuggled up to his chest. He felt his heart swell with love and affection for his wife.

As she lay there, slumbering so peacefully, his mind spoke a thought he had never had before, 'She's so beautiful.' The thought startled him into full wakefulness, 'Beautiful?' He thought, confused. He gave the matter serious thought, 'I-I DO find her beautiful!' He frowned pensively, 'I never found her beautiful before. I wonder why I do now?'

Razor Wit let out a small groan and shifted in her sleep. Artex could not help but to voice his thought, "You're beautiful, my lovely wife." It felt strange to say, but at the same time it was the truth.

Razor groaned again and turned onto her back, stretching out her forelegs and yawning hugely. She cracked her eyes open and beheld her husband. The thought of the word brought a genuine smile to her face. She looked up at him smiling down at her with such adoration, it was nearly a physical presence in the room.

Her smile grew as she reached out her left forehoof and caressed his firm chest, "Good morning, Artex." Her voice was soft.

The disfigured man reached out his right hand and gently stroked the left side of her jaw, his finger tracing its form with the softest caress. Razor shivered at his touch, fleeting memories of the previous night in the forefront of her thoughts. Those same memories were on Artex' mind too.

His expression turned soft, "Razor," he addressed quietly, "Did... did I hurt you much last night?"

Razor Wit turned her head and softly kissed his hand before answering him, "No, Artex. You were very gentle with me."

He felt his nerves fray as he struggled with his next question, "And... did I satisfy you?"

Razor blushed deeply red as she nodded, "Very much." She shifted her hind legs and hissed in discomfort, "Ooh," she whimpered, "Still sore though."

Artex frowned deeply at her statement, "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

Razor gave him a light punch to his chest, which was akin to punching a brick wall, "You goof," she chastised him playfully, "I wanted you to. I wanted to be with you." She cupped the side of his face in her hoof, "It was everything I dreamed of. Don't you dare be sorry."

Artex drew in a breath and smoothed back his long hair, "I just hate hurting you for any reason."

Razor smiled and nuzzled his chin, "Pain is part of life. It's going to hurt when I give birth to our foal, but again, it's a pain that I want." She reached up and kissed him lightly on the lips, "When you made me hurt last night, I think it might have hurt you more." She giggled quietly, "I know how sensitive you are, Artex. I know it hurts you when we're in pain." She planted another small kiss on his lips, "Besides, we need to be up and moving when my family shows up."

Artex blinked in surprise, "Aaaaaand why would your family be coming over today? I thought we were on our Honeymoon."

Razor blinked in confusion, "We ARE on our Honeymoon. Why wouldn't my family come over?"

"Because we're supposed to be spending our time getting to know one another physically? Because this is like a small, romantic vacation?" Artex explained.

Razor nodded, "Yes, and what better way to enjoy a vacation than to do so with family?"

Artex suddenly flopped back on his pillow. He closed his eyes and groaned, "Ohhhhhh, GOD!" He said loudly, "Don't tell me this is one of those cross cultural things we overlooked."

Razor's lower jaw dropped somewhat as his statement hit her, "Crud." She deadpanned, "I never even thought about it..."

She trailed off briefly before she and Artex both spoke up at the same time, "We goofed." There was a brief silence between the two newlyweds before they both broke into a fit of giggles. It was an honest mistake. They had talked about the Honeymoon and because they both had rituals so similar, they both assumed they had been talking about the exact same thing.

Artex was the first to recover, "Oh, dear me. THIS is going to be awkward."

Razor's ears perked up, "How so?"

Artex snorted, "Oh I don't know... maybe because I'm going to be seeing your parents the morning after I did some very personal, squishy things with their daughter?"

Razor cocked her head, "Buuuut they KNEW we were going to be making love. They have been expecting it."

Artex laid his right arm over his eyes, "Well yeah, but I don't know if I can face your parents the day after I..." Artex was cut off as Razor applied her hoof to his lips.

She crawled over to him and laid on his chest, "Shush," she ordered, "Nothing you did was against my wishes. Everything that happened between us last night was something I have been looking forward to since you proposed." She grinned and leaned down to kiss him again, "And anyway, you don't need that on your mind all day, otherwise you'll be too stressed out to enjoy tonight too."

Artex kissed her back before he replied, "Are you sure you're not going to be too sore tonight, sweetheart?"

Razor stuck out her tongue at him, "Of course not!" She exclaimed quietly, "I've been waiting for this for over a year now." She lowered her head and began kissing circles on his chest, "I'm a married mare now. I'm going to enjoy doing married things with my husband." She lifted her head back up and gave him a sly grin, "And believe me, last night was DEFINITELY enjoyable." She leaned over and whispered in his ear, "And right now, I want a shower. We both smell like sweat and sex and I'm sure you wouldn't mind showering with me now."

Artex gave her a small, playful kiss on her neck, "That sounds amazing."

"But just out of curiosity," Razor continued, tracing her hoof along the length of her husband's arm as though she were stroking a cat. "Say we were both humans and had just gotten married on Earth... What would our honeymoon have been like?"

"Well..." Artex began. "After the the wedding, you and I would have hopped in a limousi— ummm, I mean a very fancy carriage with the words 'JUST MARRIED' written on the back. We'd ride off while our friends and family wave farewell and wish us a happy marriage. From there we might take a trip to some tropical island for a couple of weeks where we'd spend our days laying by a beach, sipping drinks with little umbrellas and spend our nights making copious amounts of noisy love until the people in the room next to ours complain to the hotel's front desk."

Razor just stared at him before a small blush crept across her cheeks. "It's too bad we didn't do it your way.... human honeymoons sound a like a lot of fun."

"Well...." Artex replied before kissing her. "Not to jinx things, but in a few years we can always have a second honeymoon."

"A second honeymoon?"

"Another human custom I think you might enjoy."

* * *

The two newlyweds slowly descended the stairs, having freshly showered. Razor stopped and sniffed the air, "Woah," she said in awe, "What is that amazing smell?"

Artex sniffed the air and smiled, "Smells like Vaiawa is making bacon with breakfast."

Razor turned her head and looked up at him with new, profound understanding, "You mean to tell me THIS is what bacon smells like to you?"

Artex smirked, "Yep. Just wait till you taste it."

Razor sped up her descent to a trot as she made her way into the kitchen. Artex' smile almost cut his face in half as he followed his hungry wife. He was eager to see what she thought of the taste of bacon. Having been gifted with the ability to eat meat the previous afternoon, by Discord, her mind had obviously been rewired to enjoy meats and thus also the smells of them being cooked. As Artex stepped onto the floor from the stairs, he heard a knock on the front door. Expecting to see Razor's parents, he opened the door with a smile.

Visceral Slaughter and Mason were in the front, but behind them was the rest of the sister/wives as well. Artex swung the door open wide and gestured for them to enter. They all trotted past him with sly looks and smiles. Mason stopped behind the man and waited until he had closed the door before speaking, "I'm surprised to see you awake this early. I hope everything went well last night." His expression was genuinely concerned.

Artex nodded with a confidence he did not feel, "Um... yeah?" He scratched the back of his head uncomfortably, "Things were, erm, fine?"

Mason's face grew even more concerned, "Are you asking me or telling me?"

Artex let his arm flop to his side, "I'm sorry, Mason. It's just that for Humans, the Honeymoon is supposed to be for the bride and groom only and... Razor and I forgot to discuss the specifics of it before this morning."

Mason blinked in surprise, "So you're saying you had no idea we would be coming over until you... woke up?"

Artex nodded, "Yyyyyeah."

Mason licked his lips and averted his eyes, "Oh, oh my. Uh, do we need to leave? I don't want to be an unnecessary disruption."

Artex smiled at the older stallion's willingness to accommodate his native customs, "No, it's alright. I'm a-uh... a little less stressed this morning. I'm feeling flexible. Besides, there are more people to consider than me, here. I'm not going to throw you and your herd out, just for my convenience." He blinked as a new thought came to him, "Er, you all have strong stomachs right?"

Mason quirked an eyebrow at the odd question, "Most of us, yes. What brought on that particular question?"

Artex gritted his teeth as he replied, "Because Vaiawa is making bacon with breakfast... and Razor has never had it before."

"Bacon?" Mason asked, "Is that a traditional Human dish for the Honeymoon?"

Artex chuckled quietly, "Well it SHOULD BE, but no. Bacon is a type of meat eaten with breakfast."

Mason's eyes widened, "Oooh, so THAT'S what the horrible smell was." He suddenly blinked, "Wait, why is Razor eating meat?"

"Discord's wedding gift to us was giving her the ability to eat meat. It's going to be passed on to our foals too." Artex explained.

Mason's eyes widened with every word, "Visceral has no idea about that."

Artex' face turned pale, "Uh-oh."

His statement was followed by a shocked statement from the kitchen, "Oh my WORD! This is SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

Razor's statement was followed by the voice of her mother, "What is that, Razor?"

"It's the charred stomach muscles of a pig... and it's... DELICIOUS!"

A second knock on the door startled Artex. He turned his head and looked at the door, then turned back to Mason, "Did you forget anybody?"

Mason shook his head, "No, they're all here."

Artex' expression was puzzled as he reached for the door, "Huh, I wonder who this is?" His hand gripped the door handle and he pushed down, swinging it open.

His jaw dropped and his eyes widened as he saw two older Unicorns standing on the front porch looking extremely sheepish. He recognized them as Candy Stripe and Stodgy, Razor's grandparents. Mason's reaction was worse. He clenched his jaw and puffed out his chest in an intimidating manner.

Stodgy held up his forehoof, "Wait, please." His voice was quiet, "We uh," he stopped and took a breath, "We... land sakes this is difficult, we came to... uh... kind of... maybe... apologize."

Artex snorted, "Go ahead."

Stodgy bit his lower lip, "Uh, that was it... the apology."

Artex rolled his eyes, "Figures." He began to close the door on the older Unicorns.

Candy Stripe suddenly spoke up, "We're sorry!" Artex slowly opened the door again, his eyebrows lifted. Candy stripe shuffled her forehooves, "We-we're sorry for being rude. We're sorry for insulting you and the Earth Pony and the Zebra... and the Changeling." She scuffed her left forehoof on the wooden porch like a guilty foal having been forced to admit some innocuous act of mischief. "We know we were... not the best guests, but Razor Wit is our granddaughter. Nothing is more important than family... even... tradition."

Artex opened his mouth to speak then closed it again. Grunting in irritation, he sighed, "Alright, you both can come in, but before either of you set one hoof inside this house, let me explain a few things to the both of you." He took a step forward and the two Unicorns flinched and stepped back "I really don't like either of you." He narrowed his eyes, "You both represent the worst kinds of qualities that I detest most in people, be they human or pony or any other sentient creature."

The two unicorns cringed under the weight of his words, their faces drooped and wilted like dying flowers while their ears lay flattened against their heads.

"But you're my wife's family and therefore my family, so for the sake of that family," Artex went on, "And it's only for that reason that I'm willing to overlook all past insults and allow you to be guests in my home." He leveled a finger at them. "But just remember that this is MY home and the two of you are here on sufferance. If I so much as hear a whisper of disrespect from either of you, I will personally toss you both out the door by your horns. Do I make myself clear?"

The two Unicorns both bobbed their heads in affirmation. Artex stepped back, holding the door open for them, "You may come in."

Stodgy and Candy Stripe both trotted inside out of the snow. They wiped their hooves on the rug, as was its purpose, and trotted into the kitchen. Artex closed the door and took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his fists, "This ought to be interesting."

Mason looked up at him with envy, "That was actually pretty impressive, son. Makes me wish I'd thought to say something like that back when I first married Visceral."

The two males made their way into the kitchen where the table was occupied with a great number of Ponies, no few of whom were casting wary looks at Stodgy and Candy Stripe. Vaiawa was still making breakfast but she levitated a plate over her head and onto the table.

Artex noticed the plate had bacon on it, so he grabbed it up and took one of the four remaining seats. He set the plate down and began eating with his hands, as was proper to do when non-Unicorns were eating at the same table. He glanced up at the sound of happy munching and saw Razor consuming bacon as if it were going out of style. She crunched and chewed and savored and swallowed every piece as if it were a taste of Heaven itself. She seemed completely unaware that every other Pony at the table was staring at her with open-hanging jaws.

Artex laughed silently in his throat at the spectacle. He could not help himself, "Uh Razor, sweetie, I think you have an audience."

Razor suddenly stopped mid-chew, cheeks pouched with crispy bacon. Her eyes took in all of the surrounding Ponies for a moment before she chewed once, the bacon crunching in her teeth. At the sound of the crunch, Stodgy and Candy Stripe turned a ghastly shade of pale, "Razor Wit," Candy Stripe asked, "What is that you're eating, dear?"

Razor smiled mischievously and finished her mouthful before answering, "It's bacon, and it is sooooooo goooooooood!"

Stodgy nodded, obviously not comprehending, "That seems evident from your... vigorous indulgence thereof. But what is it made from? Some sort of pressed, flavored hay?"

Razor shook her head, "No, it's meat. Pig meat to be precise." She levitated a piece into the air, turning it slowly around in her magic, "It's like... a slightly salty, crispy little sliver of perfection. A flavor all by itself, like nothing else in the world. Divine in its own special way. A gift from a higher power bestowed upon mortals to savor and delight in it." She took a bite from the strip and closed her eyes in pure, unadulterated bliss as she chewed and swallowed, "And such a gift is well-received."

Artex could not withhold a chuckle at his wife, "Have I recently told you that I love you?" He asked.

Razor smiled at him. Her eyes flicked to the piece of bacon held in her magical grasp then back to him. Smiling, she slowly placed the entire piece of crispy swine flesh into her mouth and chewed it slowly, savoring it an a manner which Artex could only describe as 'deliciously lewd'. She hummed appreciably at the taste and winked at her husband. Artex could not hold back his comment, "That... was so sexy." He leaned his chin on his right arm which was propped up on the table top, smiling dreamily at the tan mare.

He then perked up and had a thought, "You know, I can show you how to make it really sexy..."

"We're fine!" Visceral Slaughter said quickly.

Stodgy and Candy Stripe looked ready to be sick, but to Artex' surprise, they held their tongues, 'If they're willing to be pleasant, I suppose we can let them stay.' He thought.

Vaiawa began levitating plates onto the table in front of everybody. Only one other had any bacon. That particular plate, she set down at an empty place at the table, obviously for herself. All the other plates had eggs, toast, oat porridge, and orange slices. After she finished setting the plates on the table, she turned off the stove and took her place to enjoy breakfast.

Artex smiled as he had a thought, "Hey Vaiawa," he asked. Vaiawa twitched her right ear at him, signaling he had her attention, "Mind if I make fruit crepes tomorrow morning?"

The Changeling Queen glanced up at him, "Only if you beat me to the kitchen."

Artex smirked, "Oh alright fine. I'll do it after the Honeymoon. I don't see myself waking up before you do for a few weeks at least."

The rest of the guests seemed to be enjoying their breakfasts, even though there were more than a few unnerved looks directed at a certain tan Unicorn.

Candy Stripe cleared her throat, "So uh... what do you all usually do during the day?" Her smile was as strained as it could probably ever be, "We rather... cut our previous visit short so we were unable to experience it for ourselves."

Mason chuckled as he swallowed his mouthful of toast, "Worried about what a bunch of misfits do all day?" He baited, "Don't worry, I'm sure they'll keep the rock sacrifices to a minimum."

Artex snorted, nearly choking on his oat porridge, "Ahem, remember Mason, I don't worship Olympus. In all honesty, unless anybody has other plans, I was thinking of heading out to the shed and working on that table for Oriana."

Upon hearing her name, the Zebra mare looked up from her breakfast, "Remember not to put any varnish on it, or sealant. The chemicals in varnish might react oddly to some of the potions or salves and the effects of sealant can be achieved through a minor enchantment."

Artex nodded along as she spoke, "Alright, sounds good. I should have it done in a couple more days." He looked over to Razor while Rose and Visceral Slaughter chatted about laws and criminals, "Did you have anything that you wanted to do today, sweetheart?"

Razor shook her head, "Not really. I'm just going to relax. I would like to enjoy some wine tonight. I did not get to have much yesterday because I wanted to be sober. Tonight, I want to be nice and tipsy."

Stodgy started to open his mouth, but closed it quickly. Only Artex noticed. The man said nothing though, 'As long as they behave...' The day was looking to turn out better than he had expected. Life was good, very good.

Author's Notes:

A big round of applause for my editor, now also co-author Ponyboy245 for editing and adding to this chapter. It has a much more 'full' feeling than it did before. Everybody give him a round of applause. As always, let me know what you think of it and be sure to mention if you spot any typos.