Razor Wit looked at herself in the mirror. She was most pleased with the mare she beheld. A tan Unicorn mare in her mid twenties, wearing a flowing, perfectly fitted, white wedding gown. The mare was slim but not athletic, yet she looked as healthy as any mare had a right to be. Her coat shone brilliantly in the lighting, glossed only that morning by a trip to a spa via teleport by Princess Celestia herself. Her mane and tail sported exactly the right combination of volume and bounce, both pleasing and attractive. Her eyes shined as she looked in the mirror, 'I'm getting married! I can't believe it!' Joy unbound bubbled up in her chest at the thought. She pranced in place, squealing with excitement.

A warm voice spoke from behind her, "You look beautiful, Razor. Any stallion would be lucky to have you beside him today."

Razor turned her head and regarded her mother with some measure of warmth, "I bet you never imagined he'd be that tall." She teased her mother playfully.

Visceral Slaughter tittered behind her forehoof, "Nor did I ever imagine that his shape would be so unusual." She slowly stepped up next to her daughter and placed a caring hoof on Razor's left cheek, "As long as you are safe and happy, nothing else matters. Even my own feelings." She blinked then added, "And grandfoals. I want to see some grandfoals before I die."

Razor Wit blushed at the statement, "It's a little early to be talking about that. We still have to get through the Honeymoon."

Visceral Slaughter breathed in through her nose, "And he had BETTER be good to you..."

Razor bumped her mother's shoulder, "He will be. You've gotten to know him more over this past week. That's how he always is. Do you really see him being anything but good to us? Ever?"

Visceral Slaughter sighed wearily, taking a moment to answer, "If he really is like that all the time... I can see all of you being deliriously happy. Every herd has spats and arguments. But he cares about you. I'm not blind to that." She looked in the mirror, "In him, I see the same kind of commitment, passion, and caring that I see in your father every single day. In other words, if he had been born a stallion, I would have pushed you on him in half a second. He's strange beyond words..." she looked over to Razor, "But thankfully, I have a daughter who can see past strangeness."

Razor reached up and hugged her mother fiercely, "I love you, mom."

Visceral Slaughter hugged her daughter back, "I love you too, Razor." She let go of the hug and the two broke apart, "And today, you're marrying somebody who loves you even more than I do."

Razor smiled, eyes misty, "I wonder how Artex is doing?"

* * *

At that very moment, Artex was holding a wooden pipe he had whittled and wishing fervently for some tobacco to smoke in it. He was standing in front of the mirror in his dressing room and he was not as pleased as his bride. In it, he saw a disfigured man. A man who had been the butt of Murphy's Law far too many times. A man who was emotionally unstable. A man who was lucky beyond words that somebody was willing to marry him despite his innumerable imperfections. He swallowed hard and stared disdainfully at his reflection, 'How can she love somebody who looks like this?' He hung his head, 'She deserves better.' His words to his adopted brother less than half a month prior, rang in his memory, 'None of us deserve the ones we marry.' He knew it was true. He did not deserve Razor Wit, but they shared a love he had only found one time before. He had capitalized on it the first time and now he was preparing to do so again. Such opportunities were not to be missed.

He set the pipe down on the table next to the dressing mirror and stepped back, 'If she's willing to marry a slob like me, then by God I'm going to look like the best dressed slob of all time.' He reached up and slightly adjusted the bow tie around his neck. Rarity had done an absolutely spectacular job with his tux. The pants were jet black, as were the suit-coat and tie. His shirt was ice white, all of it perfectly pressed, yet so comfortable he felt he could wear it on a daily basis and not complain. His shoes had been a custom job from Gryphonvale. They were made from genuine cow leather and dyed black, then polished to a mirror shine. He had his hair in the top knot style he regularly kept, tied with a black ribbon. He stroked his fingers along his jaw line, smiling in satisfaction. The barber had done marvelous work, especially considering the unusually bumpy terrain. His face was as smooth as silk.

He took a breath and turned toward his companions, "So, do I look like the luckiest man alive?"

Darryl snorted and crossed his arms as he leaned against the wall, "Heh, nope. You look like a bum that broke into a tailor shop."

Artex rolled his eyes, "Gee, thanks."

Darryl shrugged, "No problem."

Artex sucked a breath in through his teeth and let it out, cheeks bulging comically, "I'm glad you guys are here with me. I'm just as nervous as the first time I got married."

Chris nodded, "I know. Darryl and I were there."

Mike Joyner opened the door and poked his head in, "It's time. You ready?"

* * *

Artex stood by the altar as he waited for his bride to make an appearance. He felt his stomach tighten up in knots and nervous sweat dotted his forehead. His mouth felt dry. He shifted his weight from his left foot to his right one. He took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.

The gathered crowd was absolutely immense. Not only were the Princesses, including Cadence and Twilight, and Discord in attendance, but there were also Changelings, and a small troop of Diamond Dogs. The latter of which were the recipients of many a harsh glare from Rarity.

The music started up in the traditional Human wedding march and Artex stood up straighter. Razor Wit was escorted down the aisle by Mason. Their pace was sedate and casual. Razor Wit's face was flushed red as she lifted her eyes to Artex. Mason's expression was one of calm contentment as he led his daughter to the man who, in a few short minutes, would be her husband.

Artex stepped forward and politely bowed to Mason, as father and daughter stopped at the base of the stairs leading up to the altar. Mason bowed his head to the man and stepped back, leaving Razor Wit's side. Artex extended his hand and the tan Unicorn mare placed her right forehoof in it. He guided her up to the top of the stairs and let go of her hoof.

The two of them turned to Mayor DeLaCruz as she began speaking, "We are gathered here today in the sight of God, and the presence of friends and loved ones, to celebrate one of life’s greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes and blessings to the words which shall unite Razor Augustine Wittica and Artex Rias in holy matrimony."

"Marriage is a most honorable estate, created and Instituted by God, so too may this marriage be adorned by true and abiding love. Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace." When there were no objections, Mayor DeLaCruz continued, "Life is given to each of us as individuals, and yet we must learn to live together. Love is given to us by our family and friends. We learn to love by be loved in turn. Learning to love and living together is one of life’s greatest challenges and is the shared goal of a married life. But a husband and wife should not confuse love of worldly measures for even if worldly success is found, only love will maintain a marriage. Mankind did not create love, merely discovered it. The measure of true love is a love both freely given and freely accepted, just as love of the Almighty is unconditional and free."

"Today truly is a glorious day, as today both of you are blessed with the greatest of all gifts, the gift of abiding love and devotion between a man and a woman. All present here today, and those here in spirit, wish both of you all the joy, happiness and success and the world has to offer."

"As you travel through life together, I caution you to remember that the true measure of success, the true avenue to joy and peace, is to be found within the love you hold in your hearts. I would ask that you hold the key to your heart very tightly. We are assured that 'Love conquers all'. It is love, which brings you here today, the union of two hearts and two spirits. As your lives continue to interweave as one pattern, remember that it was love that brought you here today, it is love that will make this a glorious union, and it is love which will cause this union to endure."

"Artex Rias, do you take Razor Wit to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others outside your herd and holding to her forevermore?"

Artex' grin threatened to tear his face in half, "I do."

Mayor DeLaCruz continued, "Razor Wit, do you take Artex Rias to be your Husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others outside your herd and holding to him forevermore?"

Razor blinked away joyful tears as she said, "I do."

"Artex and Razor, as the two of you come into this marriage uniting you as husband and wife, and as you this day affirm your faith and love for one another, I would ask that you always remember to cherish each other as special and unique individuals, that you respect the thoughts, ideas and suggestions of one another. Be able to forgive, do not hold grudges, and live each day that you may share it together, as from this day forward you shall be each other’s home, comfort and refuge, your marriage strengthened by your love and respect."

Mayor DeLaCruz turned around and set down two lit candles upon the altar. She then turned back around and brought out a single, unlit, large golden candle, “Artex and Razor, the two lighted candles symbolize your separate lives, your separate families and your separate sets of friends. I ask that you each take one candle and that together you light the center candle."

As Artex and Razor lit the candle, the Mayor continued, "The individual candles represent your individual lives before today. Lighting the center candle represents that your two lives are now joined to one light, and represents the joining together of your two families and sets of friends to one.”

Artex and Razor set the two candles down and extinguished the individual flames. Mayor DeLaCruz smiled at them both, "Artex and Razor, in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows, and the joining of your hands, I now declare you to be husband and wife. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord shine his face upon you, and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up his countenance unto you, and give you peace. Congratulations, you may kiss your bride."

Artex took a knee and Razor stepped up to him. He gently cupped her cheeks in his hands and their lips met in a slow and tender kiss. Mayor DeLaCruz smiled broadly and held out her arms, "I present to you the First Couple of the Cunning Herd, Razor and Artex."

The crowd erupted with wild cheering and applause as Artex and Razor descended the stairs and made their way to The Melting Pot for the reception.

* * *

The reception was held on all three floors of The Melting Pot. The guests were treated to a colossal spread of different foods that Alex Ludwig had recipes for, from around the world. He had spent half a fortune writing letters to different countries and asking for traditional recipes. He even had a small book filled with nothing but traditional wedding foods, from which he used almost every single one.

The different floors offered different food and drink according to ingredients. Meats were served on the third floor so that no herbivores would be subjected to the smells of cooked meat rising through the restaurant. Herbivorous foods were served on the second floor. Each floor also served teas, both hot and cold, sweet and unsweetened. The first floor served alcohol from the open bar that had cost Artex and Razor more than a few bits. The first floor was also where the music and dance floor were.

Artex and Razor entered the restaurant first and claimed a table which sat right next to the dance floor. They were both smiling, dizzy with happiness. The guests began arriving soon after. The rest of the herd and the groomsmen were the next to join them then the other guests began filing in.

Alex Ludwig had pulled out all the stops. His range of alcohol was all on display, including his imported wines and liquors. Artex rose from his chair and headed over to the bar, "One Long Island Iced Tea and one glass of Riesling, Alex."

Alex Ludwig smiled at his friend as he poured the drinks, "Trying to get her liquored up before the wedding night, huh?"

Artex snorted, "Naw, just something to enjoy with friends and family."

Alex chuckled slightly and pulled out two shot glasses. He uncorked a bottle of Apple Brandy and poured two shots. He slid one to Artex and picked up the other himself, "To a long life and a happy marriage." The two men clinked the glasses together and took the shots. Artex slid the glass back over to his friend and picked up the Long Island and wine, then headed back to the table where his new bride was waiting.

He set the wine glass in front of Razor then sat down with his Long Island Iced Tea in his hand and took a sip. He leaned back in his chair and looked across the table at his wife, 'Wife. What a thought. It's going to take some getting used to." He smiled at her as she took a petite sip from her wine, 'But I'm glad it's her.' He felt warm affection for the tan Unicorn mare flare up in his core, 'I may not find Kavim attractive in general, but her...'

Feeling motivated, Artex stood up and walked around the table. He knelt down in front of Razor and reached his right hand up to her face. He cupped her left cheek and she leaned into his touch, kissing the palm of his hand. He caressed her cheek and leaned in toward her. They shared a light, but lingering kiss, both of them with their eyes closed. As he pulled away, he smiled at her again, "You're beautiful, my love."

Razor blushed deeply, ducking her head bashfully, "Thank you." She lifted her head slightly and looked him up and down, "And you look very dapper in that suit."

Artex smiled and rose to his feet. Turning to go back to his seat, he met the face of an alabaster Alicorn, "Woah!" He gasped, "Sorry Celestia, I didn't see you there."

Celestia giggled and smiled broadly at the new couple, "I should hope not. Today, the two of you should be focused on one another, not this old nag."

Artex chuckled and grabbed the lapels of his jacket, "Aww come on, Celestia. You don't look a day over twelve-hundred."

Celestia's left eyebrow rose at his statement, "And pray tell, what does a twelve-hundred year old mare look like?"

Artex smirked at her in a cocky manner, "Well I don't exactly have a good pool to chose from for comparisons, so I'll just say, you don't look bad."

Celestia smiled, "I should hope not. Do you have any idea how much cake it takes to maintain this figure?"

Discord slithered up behind her and sinuously wrapped himself around her barrel, "Do you mean cake, or banana cream pie, Tia?"

Artex facepalmed and turned his head away, muttering almost silently, "Bad mind. Bad mind. Discord is not giving the Princess cream-pies with his banana..."

Razor Wit's face went pale at the thought. She shuddered and bopped her husband on his backside, "Artex!" She hissed in embarrassment, "Behave yourself!"

Artex met her eyes and had the decency to feel ashamed, but he held it off, "What? She has lady bits, right? She probably has the same urges as anybody else and if it itches, it deserves to be scratched."

Razor planted her face against the table, "You're incorrigible." She moaned, her voice muffled by the tablecloth.

When Artex turned back around, Celestia and Discord were gone and in their place was a long, and still growing line of well-wishers. The man turned and pulled his chair around the table so he could sit next to his wife.

The afternoon was a pleasant one. It was a time of celebration. Good food and many fine drinks were shared by all present. The Melting Pot was a source of good cheer that afternoon and the celebration stretched on, into the evening. The guests partied and a good time was had by all. Discord eventually came back to ask the new couple what they wished as a wedding gift. Razor and Artex shared a whispered conversation before they turned back to Discord with their answer. They wanted Razor to be able to eat meat without any tummy trouble. Discord snapped his fingers then said the trait would be passed on to their foals as well.

As the evening wore on, the new couple began to feel fatigued. They and their herd said their farewells to their friends and family and headed home. Alex Ludwig promised to have the small mountain of wedding gifts brought to the house the following day. Suey was staying the night with Rifin since he had the only other home she could fit, which was large enough to be a hangar for an old Boeing 747, and because she wanted to give her father figure and her mother figure time by themselves. Artex made sure to tell her that he would be highly displeased if he found out about any funny business between the two. At the time, Suey merely lifted her eyebrow ridge and motioned toward Artex and Razor. Artex replied that it was alright for them because they were married, then further reinforced the fact that Suey was not fully grown yet, which would make any intimate contact between the two would constitute an act that Artex, and society in general, very much looked down upon. With a final nod of her head, Suey acquiesced and trotted off to follow Rifin home.

The herd headed back home. The newlyweds were both nervous about what the night would hold. Both were hoping for the most positive outcome. Only time would tell.

Author's Notes:

The Wedding Chapter! As fate would have it, I sent the chapter to my editor on the day of my fifth year wedding anniversary. As always, let me know if you spot any typos.