The following morning, as Artex was getting dressed, there was a loud knock on the front door. He had left his mares sleeping on the bed and was planning to make breakfast for them. As he heard the door, he quickly finished tucking in his shirt and tightening his belt. He closed the bedroom door and descended the stairs. Reaching the front door, he opened it and beheld Visceral Slaughter standing on the front steps. He kicked himself, 'They must be here to help with the wedding and I haven't made breakfast yet.' He left the front door open and turned toward the kitchen, "Come on in and close the door behind you. I'm about to start breakfast. Is there anything specific you would like?" he called over his shoulder as he was in a hurry.

The mare answered in a voice that was not Visceral Slaughter, "Could that be him?" She whispered to the stallion next to her, "I've never seen a Human, but he matches the description of a Human. Pinkish skin, torso like a Minotaur, no claws, small eyes. It has to be him."

Artex' mind began turning, 'Huh, I thought it was Visceral Slaughter, that mare looks a lot like...' his thoughts came to a screeching halt, 'Unicorn, looks like Visceral Slaughter, posh and proper, think I'm the help... no... no way...'

The two Unicorns trotted in to the kitchen as the front door closed. The two of them trotted to the dining room table and sat down, "Two eggs over-hard, two slices of toast, coffee with two cubes of sugar and a touch of cream, and hash browns." The mare turned to the stallion, "What about you Stodgy?"

The stallion cleared his throat, "Same as my wife except with juice if you have any."

Artex nodded, doing his best to ignore the fact that the Mare had just ordered her breakfast as though she were in a cheap diner. "Sure thing. Two orders of: eggs over-hard, two slices of toast, hash browns, one coffee with two cubes of sugar and a touch of cream, and one orange juice." He turned his head to the two Ponies, "Does that sound about right?"

The Unicorn mare nodded, and Artex noted that both of them kept stern faces. Artex turned back around and began taking ingredients from the fridge. He set the items on the counter and pulled down a cast iron skillet from the wall. Tossing some butter into the skillet to melt, he turned on the range top and began cracking the eggs. As he worked, he began talking to the Unicorns, "So I take it you are Razor Wit's grandparents?"

The stallion grumbled his response, "Indeed, Human. And you are the male she seems to be enamored with."

"Man," Artex corrected him, "Human males are men, females are women. You are correct though, I'm Artex Rias."

The stallion laughed quietly, "Crash Course, really? What is your special talent? Stumbling and falling? Self-injury perhaps?"

Artex clenched his teeth and forced a chuckle, "Well I have been hurt a fair number of times," he gestured to his face, "But no, Humans don't get Cutie Marks. We have to find our own way in the world."

The stallion snorted, "Tough path to trot, going through life with no direction, no meaning, no certainty. How can you ever know you're making the right decisions?" He answered his own question before Artex could open his mouth. "You can't." His tone was derisive, "You have to stumble through every choice, every decision, directionless and confused."

Artex bit back the retort on the tip of his tongue, "It's a part of life for us. We have to be certain of our course. Which is why when we make decisions, we stick to them. Our tenacity is one of our strongest suits. We don't give up easily." He turned from the range holding two plates, "Food is done, give me a moment and I'll get the juice and coffee." He turned and pulled out a bottle of New Humansville orange juice and poured a cup. He stepped over to the table and set the cup in front of the stallion then turned back for the coffee. He poured the coffee out of the percolator and added two cubes of sugar and a touch of cream. He then turned and set the mug on the table in front of the mare, "There you go. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get started on breakfast for my herd. I can talk while I'm working, though."

Stodgy used his telekinesis to levitate the food from his plate to his mouth, while his wife did the same. Artex turned to the mare, "Pardon me madam, but I fear I have neglected to ask for your name."

The mare did not bother to turn her head, "Candy Coat."

Artex turned back to the stove as he whipped pancake batter, "A pleasure to meet you both. I would be more proper about introductions, but I tend to lean more toward pragmatism than hollow gestures and posturing."

Stodgy laughed, "Ha! The Human is trying to be witty!"

Artex shrugged, "Naw, I don't do impersonations very well. Besides, if I did, that would mean that on our wedding night, I'd be fucking myself." The two older Ponies both coughed and began choking loudly on their food. Artex took a break from the pancakes and patted each one on the back, perhaps just a little harder than strictly necessary, "Whoa there, take it easy. No need to inhale it. If you wanted it that badly, I could have given you twice as much."

A playful voice echoed from the direction of the stairs, "That's what she said." Rose trotted in to the kitchen and pulled out a chair for herself, "Morning Artex," she yawned, "So, what's the story with our two guests? Are you letting in strange ponies again?"

Artex went back to the pancakes, "Nope, strange is more or less based on perception in this house, love. These are Stodgy and Candy, Razor's grandparents."

Rose's expression turned mischievous, "Ooooooh, YOU'RE the ones who think Unicorns are too good to marry outside the tribe."

Stodgy finished coughing and turned his sharp eyes on Rose, "Not, ahem, not at all. No tribe is better than any other, we simply believe that all tribes and species should marry and procreate with others like themselves."

Artex chuckled loudly, "Then you should have no issue with me marrying Razor. I'm basically a Pony with a Human exterior. Internal organs, magic, heck I can even eat hay. And of course our foals will be Ponies too."

Stodgy and Candy shared a look, before Stodgy replied, "We never said we had a problem with you marrying our granddaughter."

"Maybe not, but between the passive aggressive insults and the superior attitude you've been implying it all over the place since you both trotted through the door." Artex turned around and set a plate of pancakes in front of Rose, while looking at the two older Unicorns, "It's blatantly obvious you think very little of me. Don't insult me by playing innocent."

Stodgy muttered, "Crass barbarian." He then turned his eyes to Rose, but Candy beat him to it, "Am I to assume you are part of this herd?"

Rose nodded as she gobbled up the pancakes, "Yup." She swallowed her mouthful and extended her right forehoof, "Lieutenant Rose Thorn of the Community Welfare Guardians."

Candy shook her hoof gently, "So you, a mare, are part of the little rag-tag gang that's attempting to keep order in this mismatched little burg."

Rose swallowed another mouthful and blinked, "Heh, if you want to call it that. Our 'rag-tag gang' has trained mares from all over Equestria for Civil Guard work, including your own daughter, Visceral Slaughter." At Candy's flabbergasted expression, Rose continued with a smile, "Yeah, we've trained the E.U.P. Guard in how to wield Human weapons. The owner of the Shipping Company is one of the Humans from here, oh and you know that fancy, new telegraph system? Artex designed it. And if you're fussy about having Bloodmages or Changelings around, you miiiiight not want to wander around town too much. They're a pretty friendly bunch and are always eager to welcome newcomers."

Vaiawa slowly stepped in to the kitchen, in her natural form, "Good morning everybody." She sniffed the air, "Ooh, something sure smells good." She then noticed the two Unicorns at the table, "Ah, we have guests." She merrily trotted over and extended her right forehoof to Candy, "I'm Vaiawa, pleased to meet you."

Rose had to exert a herculean effort not to laugh, "Oh, did I forget to mention Vaiawa? Yeah, she's part of the herd too." Rose's shit-eating grin was wide enough to double as an aircraft carrier's landing strip.

Stodgy and Candy both looked stricken. Neither one moved. Vaiawa smiled on the inside. Truth be told, she had been listening in on the conversation before she walked in. She lowered her hoof, "Oh I'm sorry. I keep forgetting that not all Ponies have accepted Changelings yet, heh, silly me." She used her magic to pull out a chair right between the two older Unicorns, "This spot looks nice and cozy," she crossed her forehooves on the table and turned to each one, "Now, feel free to ask any questions you want. I promise to give you my full attention."

Razor Wit, Feather Tip, and Oriana all trotted in to the kitchen. Razor came to a screeching halt when she saw Stodgy and Candy, "Grandma, grandpa!? What are you doing here?"

Artex turned from the stove, "Good morning, my love," he said sweetly before blowing her a kiss. "Yeah, these two just happened to show up on our doorstep this morning so I offered to make them breakfast." His lopsided grin was anything but innocent, "So far they've been very.... expressive."

Candy turned, with huge eyes, toward the tan mare and asked, "You... you live with this madness?"

Rose snorted, "If you think THIS is bad, just wait until Artex and I start drinking. That's when the strange things start happening... well, that or when Discord decides to show up. He and Artex are good friends."

"Like two peas in a very messed-up pod," Artex added.

The two Unicorns both turned their heads toward the man at the stove. Artex merely shrugged, "What can I say? The guy may be the living, breathing embodiment of chaos and insanity, but he knows how to have fun."

* * *

Suey was trotting toward town to collect the leftovers from the Melting Pot for her breakfast when two older Unicorns ran past her, screaming like they were on fire. The Great Pig cocked an eyebrow then shrugged and continued on her way, "Another normal day in New Humansville." She snorted to herself.

* * *

Amber Eyes was up and about very early. It was Saturday and there was no school. She sped down the street and saw Rifin lying where he always did, right next to the playground. She trotted up to him and climbed up his armor, "Good morning Mr. Rifin!" She sang from her usual perch on the back of his neck, "What do you want to do today?"

Rifin was about to reply when he heard two screaming voices heading his way, "Might have to wait, Amber. I need to see what's wrong. Hang on." He hauled himself upright and stomped into the path of two older Unicorns. The pair stopped and stared up in awestruck terror of the hulking giant. Rifin rumbled in his throat, "Is something wrong? Is there trouble?"

Amber climbed onto Rifin's head and looked down, "Who are they, Mr. Rifin?"

The two Unicorns stood stock-still, eyes wide with primal fear. The world had gone mad. Stark, raving mad. Nothing made sense. Their granddaughter was marrying a mutilated monster. She lived with a Changeling Queen and a Zebra. Her fiancé was friends with Discord. And there was a colossal Changeling straight out of nightmares standing in their path with a little filly perched on top of his head, like it was nothing out of the ordinary. As before, their minds could not take the shock and they both let out high-pitched shrieks of fear and ran away from the huge monster as fast as possible.

Rifin snorted, "Some Ponies."

Amber mimicked his sentiment, "Yeah, that was just rude!" She paused a moment to sniff the air and her little muzzle suddenly wrinkled. "Do you smell pee?"

Author's Notes:

I apologize, but I cannot upload two chapters today. I have not yet received the other one back from my editor. As always let me know if you spot any typos. Artex finally got to express his dislike for the rich and snobby.