Author's Notes:

Warning: All things considered, lots of very very very mature topics get covered in this chapter, from swear words to graphic imagery which you will most likely need brain bleach for. This chapter isn't a required read, so feel free to wait it out until the next update. Reader discretion is advised. Also, I regret nothing. It's you guys' fault. You wanted this, you dirty dirty people.

=Ubi=

We took off for Ponyville after gathering our things and were on our way. Everyone else bundled in fancy scarves and cute little hats to brave the cold weather. I didn't mind the cold at all. What I did mind were the words that Aoi and Keef would often say that had no meaning. So as the flight dragged on in silence, I finally asked him while he was swigging a flask of... something.

"Hey Keef?"

He spluttered the drink all over Eol. "HOLY SHIT YOU TALK?!"

I blinked. "Yes. What are those words you say sometimes when you're trying to be funny or angry?"

"What words?"

"Oh yeah!" Eol chimed in. "You know, like er-- Fack or something like that. I've always wondered that myself."

"OOOOOHHHH... You mean Fuck!" Eol and I both nodded.

"What, you've never heard of cuss words?"

"Cuss words?"

"You know... swears!"

"Oh, like Bark or Doggone?" Eol said.

"... Really... that's the best your species has come up with?"

Eol rubbed the back of his head. "Well not the best but I can't really say it, we do have two ladies around," Eol said, leaning over to spot the apple pony.

"Why thank'ya kindly for includin' me in on this. At least somepony has some courtesy!" She glared at Keef.

"BLAHAHAHAHHAH! Apparently you've never been on the wrong end of Scotland before."

"Scotland?"

"Right, I forget I'm in a world of anthropomorphic talking animals who know neither head nor hide of our world. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me."

"We're right here, you know."

"DAMN RIGHT I KNOW! Now shut yer traps for a second, give you time to think up some of the most gruesome swears your side of reality, just to see what you know and what you don't."

"Now wait just a darn minute, Am I the only one that has a problem with this?" Apple Jack asked.

"Yep!"

"Yup!"

"I guess so!"

"We have worse swears in our tongue," Mom chimed in. We all went silent for a second, looking down at mom as she was flying us towards Equestria. "What? We do!"

"Four to one! Sailor's mouths away!"

"But-"

"Here's some earbuds if you don't want to listen." Keef pulled out a pair of large corks and plugged them into Apple Jack's ears.

"Okay Ubi, you first."

"Hmm, there's bark, doggone, flea face, sticky flank, furball, fluffball, puffnose, tail licker, and shit."

*snicker*

"What?"

"Nothing it's just that... really? You end with shit?"

"Yeah? What about it?"

"Nothing... nothing at all... Anywho, me and Aoi and all the other aliens on this big blue ball of wax have lots of colorful words and phrases to describe very disgusting things involving special juices that you're not suppose to know about."

My head went sideways. "What?"

"In other words: Sex. Now when you dig deep into our culture you find out that sex has very been a naughty taboo thing to talk about."

"What are you talking about? My old friends at the den talked about mating all the time," Eol spoke up.

"I'm getting to that. Now from the work and connotation of sex, somewhere along the line Latin and English made sweet sweet love and gave birth to a word called fuck, not necessarily, but you get the idea. Turns out that Fuck became so catchy a word that it became the hot, sweaty cock in everyone's mouth and out came (see what I did there) all the iterations and variations on Fuck."

"But why make a swear word for mating? Seems kinda odd for something natural."

"Well why is shit a bad word in your culture?"

"Because shit's disgusting!" Eol piped up. "Mating makes everybody feel happy inside!"

Keef blinked twice with a keeled over look on his face. "Eol, have you ever had sex before?"

"Well, no, but other members of my pack have. Especially during mating season where pairs drop work for about a week and go belly to back. Though the moaning and howling do get kind of annoying when you're trying to read, and especially annoying when you accidentally step in drippings from when they do it in the main caverns. One time my friend said he tried something new and shove his whole paw up another female's-"

"AHHH GOD MIND SOAP!"

"What's that?"

"DUDE! Have you considered how huge as FUCK your paws are?"

Eol lifted his paw, examining it. I will be the first to admit, Eol's paws were large even for diamond dog standards.

"What about it?"

Keef's eye twitched. "But... but... dat fisting though..."

Eol and I looked at each other.

"Ahem, moving on. Aoi and I's culture have very... High standing rituals concerning the mashing of sexy bits together. They're so high, that talking about sex openly is kinda, well, frowned upon in many circles. In others, it's kinda become part of our current sense of humor. We call jokes about 'getting it on' innuendos, which would probably swing and a miss with you guys from how... well... OPEN you are on the topic. Getting back to the word 'Fuck' it's kinda a causal swear now, it just rolls off the tongue. It's sharp, it's intimidating, and it breeds one of the worst two-word pick up lines in the history of the world."

"Interesting, I've never thought about it like that," mom noted, having heard everything. "And you said there are multiple iterations on the word itself?"

"Yep, for example: Fuck these fucking fuckers."

"Why would you want to mate with someone in the middle of mating?" I asked.

Keef made a face that looked a little something like this -> -_-

"Well one iteration of fucker is an asshole."

"I had a friend who tried that, the female said it was kinda painful."

Keith slapped his forehead. "No, I mean a dick."

"I've never had a friend who tried docking before, but I've heard rumors," Eol replied, scratching his muzzle.

"NO! AH!!! DAMMIT!!!! BRAIN BLEACH!!! GRAAAAAH! I mean someone who's a jerk!"

After a second Eol and I said in understanding unison, "Ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh...."

Keef stared at us. "ಠ_ಠ... YOU TWO FRIGHTEN ME!"