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Trials of the Dirt Prince

by AirBourne101

Chapter 2: "Am I Dead?"

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Fluttershy had never been the most physically gifted out of her and her friends. Applejack was always the strongest, whilst Rainbow Dash had always been the fastest.

This fact, however, hadn't stopped her from running all the way from her cottage and into Ponyville to find Twilight and ask for her help in learning more about the creature she had found.

She now found herself quickly galloping up the doors of the gorgeous Castle of Friendship faster than her little legs had ever carried her. She was almost out of breath and she was starting to feel light headed, but this didn't stop her. She knew that there was very little she could do to help a creature like this and as Twilight knew the most about mythical creatures, going to her seemed like the best idea.

Eventually, she came to a halt in front of the doors, wheezing for breath as she gently tapped on the door. There was no answer initially, leading the Pink-maned pony to tap slightly harder.

Still nothing.

"Erm...Twilight? Are you there?" She asked as she tapped slightly harder. "Sorry if...you know...this is a bad time or anything, but I...I really need your help."

Seemingly miraculously, Fluttershy got an answer this time...but not from Twilight.

"HI FLUTTERSHY!" Yelled a high pitched voice from right behind her, causing the pegasus to jump in fright.

Turning around, she found a bright pink mare grinning from ear to ear right at her, her curly pink mane seemingly even more curly today.

This was Pinkie Pie.

"Oh. H-hi Pinkie Pie" The yellow pegasus replied, still slightly freaked out by the surprise appearance of one of her friends. "What brings you out to Twilight's castle?"

"Oh, nothing much" Pinkie replied in her usual bubbly manner. "I was just wondering if Twilight would like to try some of my super-delicious quadruple-frosted cupcakes! Want to try some?"

As if by magic, she produced a tray of gorgeous Pink cupcakes from her mane, each one covered in thick icing. This feat would be impossible until you remember this is Pinkie Pie we're talking about.

"O-oh, not right now, thank you. There is something really important that I have to tell Twilight about".

"Ooh, what is it?" The Pink mare asked inquisitively, stuffing the tray back into her mane.

"I-it may be a bit hard to explain properly, but..."

"Earthquake?"

"Well...no"

"Flash Flood?"

"No..."

"Tornado?"

"No..."

"Volcano?"

"Not quite..."

"ALIEN INVASION?!?!"

"I...I don't think so".

"Then, what is it? Tellmetellmetellmetellmetellme!" The Pink Pony exclaimed, jumping up and down in excitement.

"What's going on out here?" Asked a voice.

The two mares turned their heads to find a purple alicorn standing before them in the doorway, clearly having been alerted to their presence from all the noise Pinkie Pie was making.

To Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, this was one of their closest friends. But to everyone else, she was one of the most powerful beings in Equestria.

Princess Twilight Sparkle.

"HI TWILIGHT!"

"Is something wrong? I heard Pinkie Pie yelling about an alien invasion".

"Oh, I was just coming to find you to ask if you wanted to try some of my super-duper-delicious quadruple-frosted cupcakes but when I got here, I found Fluttershy here tapping your door with something reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllllllyyy important to tell you. I haven't worked out what it is ye- I'VE GOT IT!"

The Hyperactive pink pony took in a deep breath before sharing what she thought was so important that Fluttershy needed to find Twilight.

"Lightning bears"

The two just looked at her with confused expressions on their faces.

"What? It could happen!"

"Okayyyyy" Twilight replied, quickly changing the subject back to Fluttershy. "Sorry about not hearing you knock. I was in the middle of reading another book. I must have been so focused I didn't hear you"

"Oh, err, that's alright Twilight" Fluttershy replied.

"So what was the important thing that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Um...well, just a few minutes ago, I discovered a new...a-at least I think "new" species of animal that I...haven't actually seen before. If it's no trouble, could you please...um...help me to identify what sort of creature it is?"

This caught the attention of both Twilight and Pinkie. A new species in Equestria was always a big deal.

"Absolutely, Fluttershy" the alicorn replied with a nod of her head. "Where did you find it".

"Well, I...f-found it outside my house. It should be resting inside".

"Then let's not waste any time. You want to come and see, Pinkie?"

"Heck yeah! I need to throw it a party! A "Welcome to Existence" party! What kind of cake will it like? What colour streamers...?"

Not wanting to hang around any longer, Twilight teleported herself and her two friends from Ponyville into Fluttershy's cottage with a flash of light from her horn.

No sooner had they arrived, Twilight began looking around for the creature.

"Alright, we're here. Where is the-"

Before she could finish her sentence, she caught sight of the creature, lying asleep on Fluttershy's sofa. The very moment she saw it, she froze, her mouth agape in shock.

"Is...Is this it?" She whispered, amazed by what she was seeing. Fluttershy nodded in response.

"Fluttershy, do you know what you've found?"

"N-no"

"You found a human! An actual, live human being...in Equestria, no less!"

"Erm...Twilight...what's a human?"

"Sounds like some sort of relish"

"Now's not the time, Pinkie. Anyway, human beings have been described in various accounts sporadically for over several thousand years. I think the last one I read dated back to roughly around the same time Princess Celestia began her rule. I always thought that human life in Equestria was just a myth, but now...we found one!"

She drew closer to the human, excitedly studying it.

"How is it here, though? If humans were already living in Equestria, we would have found them by now. Maybe this one is from the other world?"

"Other world, y-you mean like the one Sunset Shimmer is in?"

"Exactly. The entire world there is populated by humans. Heck, Sunset and I were both turned into humans upon arriving there. But if that's the case and this one is from the other world, shouldn't it...he...have changed into a pony?"

She let out a breath.

"This is heavy, girls. It's pretty big news whenever a new species is discovered. But this is something else. If this human is like those on the other world, this creature is intelligent as well."

Twilight turned to her two friends.

"Fluttershy, where exactly did you find this human, again?"

"W-well, I actually found him when-eep!"

She yelped in both fear and surprise when the human made a low groaning sound as it shifted on the sofa.

Both Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie shifted behind Twilight as it began to stir.

"Don't worry. I know humans. Just let me do the talking".


The first thing Alex felt when he awoke was a feeling of dull pain coursing through his head.

"Urgh...Son of a bitch" he muttered, rubbing his forehead as he sat up. That being said, though, despite his pain, the headache was the only thing that he could feel pain-wise. No dizziness, no nausea, nothing.

It was at this point that Alex realized that he was actually sitting on a sofa.

"Huh. Somebody must have found me. I'd better thank them when I see them"

He stood up from the sofa, cracking his back.

"I guess I had also better find out where I-"

He stopped himself when he noticed that three strangely-coloured ponies were all standing before him. One of them, a yellow pegasus, seemed slightly scared by his presence. The second one, a regular (if you could call it that) Earth pony stared on curiously. The third one, a weird pegasus-unicorn hybrid, stood there with a friendly smile on its face.

Alex was no expert on animals, but he knew for a fact that these weren't what regular ponies looked like...nor did they have horns...or wings.

Alex and the hybrid pony stared at each other for a moment.

"Okay, so perhaps the person who brought me in is a weird, messed-up scientist who likes to perform experiments on innocent ponies. Sick bastard".

As you can imagine, he was quite surprised when the purple hybrid pony cleared her throat in the same manner a human would.

"Greetings, human!" She said confidently. "I am Princess Twilight Sparkle. I bid you a warm welcome to Equestria".

Alex didn't say anything. He just stared at Twilight, a look of utter shock on his face. As far as he knew, 1) ponies weren't multi-coloured (at least, not in this style), 2) there were no unicorns, 3) Pegasi didn't exist either and above all else, 4) they didn't speak.

After a while of staring in shock, Alex held up a finger, a nervous smile appearing on his face.

"Err...heh. Excuse me for one moment".

He turned away from the three equine beings, placing a hand on his head as he tried to process what he had just seen. There was no way this sort of stuff could have been possible.

No...no, there was no way this was real. Perhaps he was just hallucinating. He had passed some weird looking plants back in the forest.

He would have continued to think this until the Pink pony suddenly leaped up in front of him, causing him to jump in shock.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! Twilight said you're not from around here. Are you an alien? I've never thrown a party for an alien before! Oh well, no party is too difficult for Pinkie Pie to throw! Speaking of which, I need to start planning yours! What kind of cake do you like? What colour would you like your streamers? How about Black and Blue? Are Black and Blue your favourite colours? Is that why your clothes are Black and Bl-"

"Thank you, Pinkie, but we really don't want to spook our guest out right now!" Twilight interrupted, pulling Pinkie Pie away from Alex before she could continue any further.

As Alex turned around to face the three mares again, he ran the most likeliest reasons as to how he was where he was through his head before clearing his throat.

"Okay, so as far as I can tell..." He replied, trying his best to keep calm. "...we can somehow speak the same language. Mind if I ask a few questions?"

"Sure. Ask away" Twilight replied happily.

"Am I dead?"

The three seemed rather surprised by how blunt the human was with his question.

"Well...what makes you say that?"

"Quite simply, the last time I checked, ponies in my world didn't have wings...or horns...or multicoloured manes...or the ability to speak".

"Strange. I didn't encounter any ponies in the other world. Perhaps this human is from an all new world" Twilight thought to herself, before replying to the human "Well, your heart is still beating and your lungs are still breathing, so unless this happens to be the afterlife (which I'm pretty sure it isn't), then you're most definitely not dead".

"Okay. That's...that's good. Next question: am I in a coma?"

"Well, I...I don't think so".

"Third Question: How the hell are you speaking English?!"

"We might ask you the same question: How are you speaking Equestrian?"

"How am I speaking what?!"

"Equestrian. The language of ponies in Equestria"

"What the hell is an Equestria?!"

"It's...well, it's where we are right now. I guess you're not from around here, are you?"

The human sighed.

"I guess. The last I checked, there certainly wasn't a nation called..."Equestria?"...on my...well, I guess I'm probably not even in my own world anymore."

"Hmm. Sounds about right. This is the first proper sighting of a human in Equestria".

"I guess that's it, then. Thanks for answering my questions, anyway, Miss...I'm sorry, what did you say your name was, again?

"Princess Twilight Sparkle. You've already met Pinkie Pie, and this is Fluttershy". The Princess replied, re-introducing herself and the pink one before pointing to the timid yellow mare hidden behind her. "What's your name?"

"What kind of sadist would name their kids like this?"

"Alex. The name's Alex. Alexander Charles McKraken in full."

"Okay then...Alex..."

"I certainly don't remember the humans in the other world being named quite so...colourfully"

"...again, welcome to Equestria. Thank you for giving us such an amazing opportunity to meet a being like you".

"And thank you for not probing me".

"We -- wait, what?" Twilight was surprised by this.

"Well, technically, I am an alien to you and I can safely say that you three are technically aliens to me. Plus, there's a belief back home that whenever someone meets...or rather, is abducted by aliens, the aliens often end up leaving the human with a probe stuck up their...uh...poop chute".

The three realized just what he was getting at, deciding to quickly change the subject.

"Anyway, speaking of aliens, how exactly did you get here...and where did you get here from, for that matter?"

Alex opened his mouth to answer, but before he did, he noticed a continuous humming sound, which seemed to be coming from outside. It took him a moment to jog his memory before he realized what it was.

"OH S***, MY CAR!" Yelled Alex before bolting past the three mares and out of the front door of Fluttershy's cottage and down to the pathway. There it was: his beloved Ford Fiesta S2000, still ticking over, lying on its right side and with the cockpit crumpled in thanks to the tree it had stopped against.

"Aww. Son of a bitch." He muttered, as he inspected the damage. Thankfully, it didn't look as if the tree had been able to damage any of the vital parts of the car, but the cockpit would almost certainly be caved in.

The three mares inspected the wrecked Fiesta as well, trying to understand just what it was as Alex clambered onto the car, climbed into it and flicked one of the switches on the dashboard.

The whole thing stopped.

As he clambered out, he noticed the three mares staring on in awe.

"Like what you see?"

Still struggling to find the right words, Twilight eventually spoke up.

"Alex...is this...your spaceship?"

"Oh, I wish." He replied, landing back on the pathway. "This is my car. My beloved Ford Fiesta. It's not a spaceship, but I still arrived here in it."

He sighed.

"Pity it's not going to be going anywhere anytime soon".

Finally, Fluttershy, who had finally plucked up enough courage, raised her hoof.

"Um...E-Excuse me, M...Mister Alex...If you don't mind, I...uh...have a question to ask".

"Sure. Fire Away".

"Um...Well...What's a car?"

Almost instantly, he figured out just what Fluttershy was getting at, groaning as he placed a hand to his forehead. They simply hadn't invented cars yet.

"Let me guess" He muttered. "You have..."

"C-Carriages, yes".

"I guessed as much. Simplified, a car is essentially a horse-less version of one of your carriages. Carriage 2.0, if you will. I would show you how this one works, but...as you can see, it's currently on its side, so I can't do so".

"Oh, that's alright" Twilight said to him. "I can use my magic to sort your...car...out".

Alex simply looked at Twilight with a look of utter disbelief.

"Okay, hold up! Time out! Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you say..."magic"?"

"Well, yes. Yes I did".

Clearly, Alex was quite skeptical about this.

"Let me just stop you right there. I can accept that I may somehow be in a completely different world than the one I'm from. I can also accept that I'm in the presence of three talking ponies. It's been a strange sort of day. But magic? Now's the part where I call bull".

"You...don't believe...in magic?!" Fluttershy asked, taken aback by Alex's response.

"Nope. Not one bit".

"What do you mean you don't believe in magic?!" Pinkie Pie chimed in. "Magic's, like, the force that joins us all together. That allows us to create awesome stuff and live and...well, you get the idea. How do you not believe in magic?! I demand an answer, mister!"

"Quite simply, we don't have magic on my world. Or at least, we do, but what counts as "magic" where I'm from is nothing more than cheap parlour tricks, the kind of which blow your mind when you're a kid, but what you can easily figure out as an adult".

"B-But that must be awful. No magic. How did your kind create such a...strange contraption?"

"Two words: Science and Technology...wait, technically that's three words. Either way, you get my point".

Whilst the other two were still shocked by this revelation, Twilight saw an opportunity to prove another naysayer wrong.

"Well, if this is so, then will you please humour me for a moment?"

Alex raised his hands. "Be my guest".

Smiling, Twilight closed her eyes and began to focus her magic, a small ball of it appearing on the end of her horn. As she did so, a purple aura surrounded Alex's car.

Now, Alex had had a pretty weird day up until this point. He had crashed through a strange tunnel, been chased by a weird lion-scorpion-bat hybrid creature and was now in the presence of three talking ponies. But not even he could prepare himself for the sight of Twilight's magic pulling the Fiesta away from the tree it had crashed into, the bodywork groaning as the car and the tree separated, scraping along the ground before coming to a stop.

Twilight's magic then lifted the car up off its side, tilting it on its two right wheels before it landed back on all four.

And if Alex thought THAT was shocking, he hadn't seen anything yet.

With Twilight focusing her magic even harder, the crumpled cockpit area of the car began to groan, altering before Alex's eyes. The metal beams connecting the roof to the rest of the car began to bend, moving back into place. Before long, the whole cockpit area had been un-crumpled. Then, if that wasn't enough, the whole area surrounded the car began to glow with a similar coloured aura as small fragments of the windshield levitated upwards before being placed back into where the windshield had been, each fragment neatly fusing together. The magic even picked up and re-attached the right-side wing mirror, which had detached when the car had rolled onto its side. All the small bits of damage in the bodywork were also fixed.

Finally, Twilight relaxed, her magical aura subsiding.

Alex simply stared at his now fully repaired (albeit still dirty) car, his jaw hanging wide open. His mind was rushing with thoughts right about now.

"Umm......" He mumbled, trying desperately to keep his emotions under control.

He twitched a little bit.

"...well. That's, erm...That's a thing, ain't it?" He declared as calmly as possible. "Thanks for...er...f-fixing my car."

“How are you so calm about this?” Asked Twilight, perplexed by Alex’s attitude.

“Oh, I’m not actually.” The Dirt Prince replied. “I may look cool, calm and relaxed. But inside, I am freaking out so hard right now. I have a lot of emotions bottled up at the moment. In fact, hold on…”

Alex took a few steps back, giving himself a bit more space.

“What are you doing?”

“If I’m going to go about this properly, I need to get all of my panic out of my system”

He then took a deep breath, placed both his hands on his head and finally released the Freak-out.

"I'M GONNA DIE! OH, MY FAMILY! I'LL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN! AAH, I'M GONNA BE STUCK HERE FOREVER WITH MAGICAL TALKING HORSES! WHERE ARE YOU, CAMERON?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

He then calmed himself down, acting as if that freak-out never happened.

"Okay, I'm good now. So, with that all out of my system, I should be fine to-"

He had to stop himself again, however, as there was still a little bit of Freak-out that needed to be released.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! OH GOD!! EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE!! I'M GONNA DIE!!"

Now he was done.

"Okay, I'm all good now. I think I got it all out. Now, I can calmly and rationally work out where to go from here".

Twilight pondered for a moment.

"I guess the best thing to do would be to be to let Princess Celestia and Princess Luna know about your dilemma. If anyone can help you, they can".

"Well, that's good and all, but as powerful as these Princesses may be, I'm going to need more than that to get home. Get me to the king and/or queen and then we can get somewhere".

"Small issue with that: There are no kings...or queens. Or at least, there aren't any in Equestria."

"What do you mean there aren't kings or queens?! What kind of monarchy do you have here?"

"Don't worry. The two Princesses are the most powerful beings in all Equestria. If there's a way to get you home, they'll find it. Speaking of them, I had better let them know about your predicament. Head into town and find the Castle of Friendship as soon as you can. You won't miss it"

In a flash of purple light, Twilight disappeared.

"Teleportation as well? Cool".

Alex turned to the remaining two mares.

"Alright, then. To town, I guess".

"Absolutely!" Pinkie Pie replied, a massive grin on her face. "It's only a short way up the road, but it shouldn't take to long to walk-"

"Who said anything about walking?" Alex replied. "If I am the first official sighting of a human in Equestria, then I might as well let everyone know that I'm here. Besides, I'm not going to leave my car behind. It's one of few things I have on this world".

The massive grin on Pinkie's face seemed to grow wider at the mere thought of riding in an alien vehicle. Fluttershy, on the other hand, was naturally quite nervous.

"Are...are you sure? I mean, that accident you had was...uh...p-pretty bad".

"Don't worry. It'll be fine. I was merely going too fast. If it makes you fell any better, I'll take it nice and slow."

"Well...al-alright then. Thank you".

"Okay. Now then, you two get yourselves...oh"

"Is something wrong?"

"Sort of. I just realized that my car has two seats. I'm going to need to use the driver's seat. I guess that means that unless any of you want to walk into town, then someone's going to have to sit on the frames in the...wait, where did Pinkie go?"

It didn't take long for Alex to realize that Pinkie had taken a seat behind the metal bars, leaving Fluttershy to ride shotgun.

"Alright then. Passenger seat for the shy one". Alex declared, leading Fluttershy around to the passenger side and opening the door before lifting the pegasus up into the seat and doing up the safety harness. He was about to head over and get into the driver's seat before realizing something.

"Hey, quick question: does anyone know where my helmet is? I had in on when I crashed".

"Oh, erm...I took it off when I found you. Uh...I put it up on my kitchen counter".

"Okay thanks"

Alex disappeared into Fluttershy's cottage to retrieve his helmet, re-emerging very soon. A quick inspection of the safety device showed no major damage to it.

Finally, Alex clambered into the driver's seat, fastening his helmet up. To his pleasant surprise, he found his bag, still in his footwell.

"That's lucky" He muttered, placing the bag on the back next to Pinkie Pie before tightening up his harness.

"Hey, Fluttershy. Before we set off, can I say something to you?"

"Oh, um...sure."

"Thanks for getting me out of the wreckage".

"That's alright, Alex. I'm always happy to help somepony out".

Deciding not to question to use of the word "somepony", Alex began to flick the switches on the dashboard.

"Ooh! Ooh! Which one activates the laser cannons?" Pinkie asked eagerly.

"What? Erm, Pinkie, this car isn't-"

"Is it this one?"

"No, that's-"

"What about this one?"

"No-"

"This one?"

"Pinkie, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but this car doesn't have laser cannons."

"Awww" She replied, disappointed.

Finally, As he set the car back into neutral, Alex pressed his finger against the starter button.

The Fiesta roared into life, causing Fluttershy to release a small "eep!".

"Oooooh, the vibration tickles!" Pinkie declared, giggling.

Alex gripped the steering wheel, happy to have his car back in working condition again. Then, finally, he released the handbrake, set the car into first and gently pressed the throttle.

Much to his delight, the Fiesta burbled away, heading towards town.


Spike was having a great sleep until twilight came back. He was just lying on Twilight's throne, dreaming about gems and Rarity and all sorts of other things Spike would dream about. That is until Twilight used her magic to shake him awake.

"Spike, wake up!" She said to the baby dragon. "I need you to scribe me a letter!"

"Huh? W-W-what?" Spike murmured, still half asleep as he picked himself up off the throne.

"I said I need to you to scribe me a letter. A letter to Princess Celestia, to be precise".

"Can't it wait a little bit longer?" Spike groaned. "I was having such a great nap".

Twilight gave him a dirty look.

"Spike, this isn't something that can simply wait for you to finish enjoying your sleep. This letter is of the utmost importance and it is vital that Princess Celestia receives it as soon as possible".

"What could possibly be so important this time? Another dark force from 1000 years ago attacking Equestria?"

"No, Spike. We found a human".

This woke Spike up. He had spent countless hours helping Twilight to translate dozens of Ancient Equestrian documents, so he had been familiar with the various stories about humans. They both scared him and amazed him.

"You...found a human? A real life human?"

"Yes, Spike. In fact, the human is on his way here now".

The purple dragon was too shocked to speak.

"Are you ready to write that letter now?"

"Huh? Oh, right. Yes! Right away!"

Twilight handed Spike a parchment and quill. The dragon then began to write out a letter from Twilight to her mentor, with the purple alicorn instructing him what to put down.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I write to you with the utmost urgency. Earlier today, I was informed by Fluttershy about the discovery of a new species. However, arriving at her cottage, where she was taking care of it, I discovered that she had come across a member of the mythical species commonly referred to as "Human". Don't worry. Despite past stories telling of possible encounters with humans in the past, this one doesn't seem particularly violent, just more confused than anything else. As far as I can tell, this human comes from another world and is stuck on ours with seemingly no clue as to how he got here or how to return home and I honestly feel as if we should at least try to help him do so. Please get back to me as soon as possible

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

P.S.: He calls himself Alex

"Is that all?"

"Yep, that's about it. You can send it now".

Spike nodded, breathing out a puff of green smoke, causing the scroll to disappear.

"So, what you said about this human..."Alex", wasn't it? Is it true?"

"What?"

"About him not being as violent as some of the other humans described in the transcripts?"

Twilight sighed.

"I hope so, Spike. I really do. I mean, as I said, he doesn't seem particularly violent, just confused. But I fear that this confusion may, at worst, turn to violence".

"Let's just hope that this isn't the case".

"Yeah. I guess so. I just hope Princess Celestia replies soon..."

Next Chapter: The Part Where a Train Races a Car Estimated time remaining: 28 Minutes
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