I stared in horror at the sight before me. The was no possible way that cake the size of a dog house could fit in her mane. Then again, she probably has Hammerspace as a mane that looked like it should be there. Not that terrifying once you passed the fact that she could fit a castle in her brain. Feather Flight realized that I was rather uncomfortable with the cake that was trying to be shoved down my throat. She tried to get in between me and the pink menace, but that only lasted a second before she was shoved aside like a ragdoll.

"Come on! Just one bite!" Pinky Pie whined as she loomed over me with the very thing I hate most. Not that cake is bad or anything, I just liked muffins more, that, and it's not Black Forest cake.

"Nope!" I shouted. "Feather, I'll see you later!" I said as I took to the air and bolted towards the castle.

"Hey! Get back here and have your Welcome to Ponyville cake!" Pinky screamed so loud that physics broke, causing every house around her to bend like a noodle.

It took me only a few seconds to bolt into the castle, find the guest lounge, find Spits and bury myself inside her latex, blue outfit, causing her to gasp in surprise.

"I know you are hiding in here Winter Rose! And once I find you, you will have cake! It's not a lie, I promise!" the pink doom bellowed from down the hall. I waited for a few seconds before I popped my head out of the suit just under Spitfires' chin. She blinked a few times, trying to make heads and tails of what she was looking at. I gave her a bright smile and finished my escape from her suit.

"Sup!" I smiled at Spitfire just as the pink doom entered the room. "There you are!" she screamed. I jumped in surprise and crawled under Spitfires' legs, because... Reasons. The pink doom had her mythical party cannon out and aimed right at me. I was fairly certain that I was going to die right then and there if not for the divine intervention that was Princess Twilight Sparkle.

"Pinky, what's with all the yelling?" Twilight said as she entered the room of purple crystal, several couches, and a few round tables. Pinky pointed at me hiding under the dazed pony that calls herself Spitfire. "She is running from me and her cake!"

Spitfire shook her head, finally out of her daze and looked down and saw me scared out of my mind. It was a welcomed fear as I knew that one bite of that cake will give me Die-eh-bee-tus. Spitfire gave me a warm smile and sat down back on the couch with me hiding underneath her forelegs. She pulled off her face mask while I made plans to flee to Yakyakistan as a just in case.

"I have a good reason. I hate cake," I growled. "Also, hi, Spits. Did ya miss me?" She gave me a warm smile and pulled me into a hug, and tussled my mane. "You bet runt, did you have fun at camp?" she asked. I gave her a nod in response.

"Hate cake? HATE CAKE! HOW CAN YOU HATE CAKE!" Pinky seethed. Twilight put a wing on her shoulder to calm her down. The fact that the pink doom was almost on fire made me realize that I would need a meat shield. 'Sorry Spits you are my said meat shield.'

"Pinky calm down, you are scaring the poor filly," Twilight scolded. "Plus, I don't think The Captain here would like you tormenting the filly under her."

'Okay, my air bubble is around the pink doom, commencing operation: Die Pinky Pie Die.'

"B-B-BUT Cake," Pinky deflated as my air bubble slowly soothed her to sleep. "I'm tired now, wake me up when September ends," she said as she passed out. Happy with the outcome, I turned off my bubble and watched the princess freak out that her friend on crack is no longer going to be conscious for the remainder of the next few hours.

"Pinky! Are you alright, say something!" the princess pleaded as she shook the snoring earth pony. Spitfire looked down at me again with a raised brow. "What did you do?" she said loud enough to cause the princess to direct her attention to us. I gave her an innocent smile. "I just made an air bubble around her head and suffocated her until she passed out from lack of oxygen."

"That's not very nice ya know. You just can't do that to ponies all willy nilly."

"She tried to kill me with cake," I deadpanned. "You know how much I hate cake. Remember the last time I had cake? How that went well." She shuddered at the memories of how the last time I had cake. I pretty much threw up like a fire hydrant all over that cafe. The mare had to get therapy after witnessing me destroy a plexiglass window with pink puke. Never again. Never again.

"Yeah. That poor cafe was shut down after that," Spitfire muttered in agreement. "It was my favorite cafe too."

"Ahem," Twilight coughed. "What does the filly mean by that she made an air pocket to knock out Pinky Pie?"

"Well, you see princess... I don't know. You have to ask here," Spits shrugged just as the rest of the wonder bolts came in with the rest of the main six.

"Ask ya'll about what now?" said a mare with a southern accent that could be no other than AppleJack. Before I could react, a Rainbow colored blur enveloped my face followed by, 'ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!' I had to blink a few times to make sure that I was not staring at the very definition of lesbian pride, with her cyan coat, and rainbow mane assaulting my vision. Said gay pride was pulled back by Applejack, making a remark that it was rude to shove her face in our faces. I was happy that I get to hoard the mare again as the group began to talk and whatever about trivial things about the day prior. Just as Soarin was about to make a comment on what I was doing hiding under Spits hooves, which I figured out from the looks he was giving me.

"CAKE!" screamed Pinky Pie, causing everyone to look over at the pony waking up on a nearby couch. "That filly must have my cake!" she continued to screamed as she made me a target with her canon again that she pulled out from her mane.

I made Spitfire my meat shield again as I grabbed her wings to protect me from the cake. Spitfire couldn't react in time to the sound of an exploding cannon, followed by a loud, *splurge!* Slammed against her wings that were protecting me.

"Pinkie Pie!" bellow a very snobby mare that must have been Rarity. "What in Celestia's name is the matter with you?" Since I was blinded by orange wings, all I could do was listen in on the argument that was going on in between the six mares about cake, while: Fleet Foot, Soarin, Spitfire, Blaze, Fire Streak, High Winds, Lightning Streak, Misty Fly, Surprise, Silver Linning and Wave Chill watched in silence. Spitfire moved her wings and cleaned them off, which gave me a front row seat to what was going to happen next as Princess Luna walked into the scene.

"SILENCE!" Luna said in her Royal Caps lock. This motion was very effective as the arguing ponies stopped their bickering and sat in quiet with their ears close to their heads. "What is thy squabbling all about? We have guests here and all of you are making a fool of yourself with your pointless bickering!" She pointed to Twilight just as Soarin and Fleet Foot pulled out a bag of popcorn. "What is all this arguing all about?"

"Well, you see Princess. Pinkie here shot a cake at Captain Spitfire in an attempted to feed it to the white and blue filly hiding under her legs." She looked over to me to which I waved evilly. Luna's face hoofed with epic proportions.

"I see. Lady Winter Rose has a deathly allergy to cake. Just a single bite would be enough to put her into the hospital after projectile vomiting all over the place. So I am not surprised that she refrained from eating it in the first place when Pinkie Pie first tried to give it to her." The ponies jaws dropped accordingly, especially Pinky as she looked like she was about to cry.

"B-B-B-But cake," Pinky whined. AppleJack rubbed Pinkies shoulder for some reason, probably to calm her down before she bursts into tears. "It's okay sugar cube. Not every pony can eat cake, that little filly over yonder is one of them. Maybe she can have a muffin?" Luna nodded. "She likes Chocolate chip muffins." Hearing that statement, Pinky bolted out of the room like the Roadrunner to get a muffin canon to murder me.

I looked up as the group began to bicker again as to why Luna was here, the only reply that got was that she was here to visit someone important, most likely me. While watching the main six go on and on about boring shit. Spitfire left me be to get prepared for the evening carnival that was going on tonight. Thankfully, she released herself and placed Feather as my new meat shield, which we both sat on one of the couches drinking coffee and waiting for the ponies sitting by the door to finish their business.

Halfway done my cup of joe, the six approached me with Luna leading the charge.
Feather gave her a curt bow while I hovered my cup with my airkinesis waiting for Luna to help with the 'Trolling of the Harmonies.'

"Well met Lady Rose," Luna greeted. I took a sip causing Twilight scrunch up her face in confusion as to how I am doing what I am doing.

"Sup Lulu," I greeted back which was met with even more confused looks. She gave me a knowing smile and sat down on the opposite couch with the main six.

"Well, Baroness Winter Rose. How was your time at flight camp? I take it was quite easy for you?"

"Yeah, the trainers were pissed as hell after I kept showing them up, especially Captain Storm Caller when I walked off is endless amounts of drills like nothing."

*Gasp!* "Watch your tongue young lady, you're are in front of royalty you potty mouth," Rarity scolded. I gave her a smile. "Go fuck a cactus," I responded. She immediately tried to pick me up and give me the vile soap of doom, but Luna intervened. "Please refrain from harming the young Baroness miss Rarity as she will abuse her power to its utmost capability."

"BARONESS!" They all finally figured out.

"So on that note. Luna, do you know why Tia gave me that, along with a landmass that is almost three times as big as the Crystal Empire?"

"WHAT?!" Twilight shouted while everyone else was dumbstruck, especially Rarity.

Luna quickly explained my position to the rest and told me why she gave the land to me. Apparently, she was trying to get rid of that land for centuries now as no one would dare explore it. She basically said, 'screw it,' and gave it to me to see what I would do with it and was willing to fund me if I were to start up a town over there. Talk about being thrown under the bus at its finest.

"But she is just a filly!" Rarity whined with a hint of concern while Fluttershy hid behind her mane and stayed quiet. Rainbow Dash was glaring at me and AJ was glaring at her.

"She is a very intelligent Filly and as such, she will be going to Canterlots School for Gifted individuals in the fall. Spitfire will tell you the rest later Lady Rose," Luna said.

"What does The Captain of the Wonderbolts have to do with her?!" Rainbow finally said.

"Simple," I quickly blocked Luna before she could say anything. "I'm her daughter." Rainbow blinked for a few seconds with a face close to, 'fuck face,' but leaning closer to, 'I just watched Two Girls One Cup face.'

"..."

"..."

"..."

*Thump, Thump, Thump-thump...Thump, Thump.*

And they fainted. Took them long enough, I was about to use my puppy dog face that Lockheart had taught me. Making me the very definition of weaponized cuteness. Luna face hoofed and levitated the sleeping mares onto the couch. "You love giving my ponies aneurysms don't you?" Luna asked with a sigh.

"Yep!" I cheered.