You push through the door, and are greeted kindly by the piercing screams of children. Your eyes move from the checkerboard tile floor to the cash registers, to the menu, to the acne-faced teens behind the counter.

"Well, it's like Mom said. Don't turn down a job you aren't offered."

You step through, glancing at the mother sadly staring into her dry salad while her foal screams and throws food on the floor. You tear your gaze to somewhere else, anywhere else. Your eyes move to the soda machine, where two kids are pushing the levers on the soda dispensers to watch the way the pop flows. You bite your lip and move to the counter.

"Welcome to the Hayburger," the teen says flatly. "Can I take your order?"

"Actually, uh. I'm here about the assistant manager position?" you say, peering into the back of the kitchen, where another pony is mopping the floors with a bucket of black, bubbly water.

"O-oh! Okay. Let me get the Manager. Stay right here," he says. He turns on a dime and shuffles back to the kitchen.

You place a hand over your eyes and take a deep breath.

"Is this the type of place I really want to work?" you ask yourself. "I mean, it wouldn't hurt as a way to get between jobs. Just to make some cash between positions."

You turn to see a greying old mare in the corner, munching on a hayburger. She pauses, looking down at it carefully. She reaches into her mouth and, with a quick jerk, pulls out her false teeth. Then, she continues to eat.

Turning away, you do your best to steel your stomach. A tall mare with jet-black hair moves from behind the counter, returning with the teenager from earlier.

"Are you here about the position?" she asks coolly.

"Yeah," you say happily. "My name's Anonymous, I'm-"

"The only human in Equestria. It's a bit hard to miss you," she says with a smile. "Let's take a moment to sit down and we can chat."

She moves from behind the counter, taking a moment to adjust the red bow-tie that matched every other employee along with their 6 other pieces of 'unique flair.' You move beside her, and glance over a rather over-sized pony who's unwrapping her third double hay-burger.

Where the fuck does it all go? How can you go so long without portion control or thinking that something's- Actually, never mind. It's better to just look away and let them make their own decisions.

"Right here should be fine," the manager says, approaching a table and taking a seat.

You sit down across from her as she places a few forms on the table. Resting your hands on the surface, you feel your hands stick to the table. Peeling them off, you choose to allow your hands to rest in your lap.

"So, what makes you want to work for Hayburger?" she asks.

Absolutely fucking nothing.

"I'm between jobs at the moment," you say. "My previous labor position downsized to a more family oriented operation, so now I'm looking for somewhere to build sell-able skills, like customer service, management opportunities, and critical thinking."

The mare smiles and makes a check on the papers in front of her.

"I see, well I'm sure the Hayburger can provide that. Have you heard of our health insurance?"

"You have health insurance?" you ask.

"No, we used to. We just axed it. Which is why I asked. Now then,"

"Annnooonnnn!!!" calls a familiar feminine tone.

You lose your breath for a moment. Oh my god. No. Not Fluttershy. Keeping your gazed focused on the manager in front of you, she turns to look in the direction of the door.

"Ignore her," you say. "You were saying?"

"No, wait you-"

"Hi, Anon!" Fluttershy says, trotting towards you. "I have a new guess for today!"

You stare directly forward, choosing not to acknowledge her presence. The manager stares as Fluttershy trots up to you and stands beside you.

"Are onesies your fetish, Anon?" she asks.

You bite your lip. The manager stares at you with a focused glare.

"I'm sorry Anonymous. This is a family establishment. We have standards here. We can't be associated with your... well. Exhibitionism."

The mare rises from her seat and leaves as you stare directly forward, still not acknowledging her presence.

"Oh. Um. Did I interrupt something?" Fluttershy asks.

You slowly turn your head, allowing the yellow pegasus to come into view. She wears a long, pink pajama outfit that covers everything but her face. She has two short stubby ears and a short curly tail.

"You fucking pig," you growl.

"U-uhm. My onesie is a piggy, but I'm not a pig. I'm a pony."

"Get the fuck out."

She turns and trots away, leaving you alone. Your eyes move to the foal. Screaming. Yelling. Throwing french fries. It's face red. It's throat sore. The mother takes another bite of her salad. Silent.

Author's Notes:

Random Vannamelon reference.