You stand in front of your refrigerator, and open the door. Inspecting the contents inside like girls in a row at a bunny ranch, you hum quietly at what you could eat. But, are you really hungry? Or are you just bored? See, this is how you get fat, Anon. Get your shit together.

You close the refrigerator. Then pause. Then re-open the door.

"I mean, those leftovers need to be eaten eventually, right?"

Then, the normal knocks at your door grab your attention. Closing the door again, you mentally prepare yourself for whatever Fluttershy may have for you today. You open the door to find Fluttershy standing outside, a trail of blood dripping down her lip.

"H-hi, Anon," Fluttershy says gently.

You stare at the blood on her lip with mild concern.

"Uh, are you okay, Fluttershy?"

"Oh!" she says, barely hiding her lack of surprise. "Don't mind me, I just split my lip and look at all this blood! It's a darn good thing that blood isn't your fetish, or else you'd place your lips against mine and put your tongue in my mouth and-"

You slam the door in her face. Shaking your head, you turn away before there's an additional knock at the door. Groaning, you turn around to re-address your admirer.

"What?" you grunt.

Yet, now she stands in front of you in a large red outfit, reminiscent of a noble in the 18th century from Earth. She wears a large red hat and yellow spectacles.

"How about this?" she asks. "Vampire hunters are all the rage these days. It's the exact Opposite of blood!"

You shake your head.

"No. And your thinly-veiled anime reference is terrible."

"What's an anime?" she asks gently, tilting her head.

"Nevermind. Whatever. Go home."

You close the door again and take two steps before a knock reattracts your attention.

"For the LOVE of-"

You rip the door open.

"WHAT?!"

She stands outside, no longer in the outfit, but in a wholly different form. Her eyes have turned red, her wings batlike, and two pointed teeth stick out of her lip.

"Silly me! Clearly it's vampires. Now then... I'll happily suck your blood if you just lean down and bare your neck for me."

"Jesus Fuck, Fluttershy. It's not Blood. In any way, shape, or form. Now go home! I'm getting fucking tired of this."

You slam the door again, and turn around. Pausing, you take a deep breath. Three... Two... One.

Silence. You wait another second. Huh, maybe she actually left. You take a step. There's a knock on the door. You rip the door open.

"FUCKING WHA-"

You duck backwards in the knick of time to narrowly miss a box cutter.

"HOW ABOUT KNIFE PLAY, ANON?!" Fluttershy yells at you as she pushes forward into your home.

Scrambling, you sprint to your back door, screaming at the top of your lungs like a little girl. You burst through the door and sprint all the way into Ponyville, refusing to look back. Kicking open the door to Twilight's castle, you run past Spike and hide yourself deep within the Library, cross-referenced between the sections of "Nope" and "Fuck this shit."