It's another sunny day in Equestria. And fuck man, you have the worst headache. Migranes are the fucking worst, I swear. They just come completely out of nowhere sometimes, and it just makes you feel like death.

You rise from bed and head to the bathroom. You down some asprin. Shave your face. Take a shit. Take a nice, warm shower. And soon enough, fifteen minutes later, you feel wonderful! Well, wonderful is an overstatement. But the worst of the headache is gone.

You head back to your room. Toss on a pair of pants and a shirt, and decide it's time for your lazy day. Hell, maybe you'll pay a visit to Rarity. Before she says 'Daahhhhling' for the fifteenth time, she's not so bad on the eyes. She's the kinda pony whose best enjoyed with a pair of earplugs. Most of the time you just have to say Mhm and nod, and she'll find no end of uses for you. That booty though, man. That booty though. Does she do pilates or some shit? Do ponies have pilates?

You head downstairs, get a loaf of bread out of the cupboard and toss two into your toaster.

Turning to your fridge, you nearly trip. You look down, and there's a book in your kitchen. Why the fuck is there a book in your kitchen? If this is Fluttershy's bullshit, I swear.

Sure enough, there are three knocks on the door, and you growl under your breath.

"Really? This is the third freakin time this week!"

You head to the door and throw it open, sure enough, there's a cute yellow pegasus on the other side, hiding behind her mane. Her face is flushed a pure scarlet as she works up the courage to speak.

"What is it Fluttershy?" you ask patiently.

Listen. You get it, Fluttershy has a massive crush on you. Whatever. The way to profess your love isn't by asking you what your favorite sex thing is.

"U-um. I-I. Uh," she stutters in her signature way.

"Come on, just spit it out. Let's get this over with," you say impatiently.

"A-are... Are Rimjobs your fetish?" Fluttershy asks. "T-there's nothing wrong with butt-stuff."

"One. I wouldn't like a hoof, finger or anything back there. Much less a tongue. And two, No, not in reverse either. And lastly, what the fuck, Fluttershy. Do you really think that coming to me and asking about what sex things I like is going to make me like you? I've told you. I just don't feel that way about you."

She pauses, quietly staring up at you.

"And, I'm going to be really honest here. This is really straining our friendship. I'm feeling... kinda objectified."

She looks down to the ground and sullenly walks off.

You sigh to yourself and close the door behind you. You grab the book from your kitchen floor and put it back on your bookshelf. That's still weird, but not worth thinking about. Not without a cup of coffee and some peanut butter toast.

And hopefully, today Fluttershy got the picture. It would be aggravating if this just kept going on. You'd hate to lose your temper on such a nice mare.