You lie on your kitchen table, not giving a single goddamned fuck. Like not one. You realize you're on your kitchen table. However, you don't care. It's one of those days. Moreover, you have no coffee. The coffee withdrawal is a real thing. The world feels empty. And slow. You feel the need to do everything but have the energy to do nothing.

Except, then there's three gentle knocks at your front door.

This creates quite the moral conundrum. See, you're exhausted. In addition, you have no desire to deal with Fluttershy's shit today. However, recent events have made you aware that other horses could exist on the other side of your front door. Does it say something about you that you don't want to leave your home? You can totally leave. You just don't want to. Or need to. So staying inside just seems reasonable.

Holy shit it's lonely here.

Perhaps it's that thought that pushes you to rise to your feet. Not on the floor. On the kitchen table. Because fuck sense. You step down, using a chair, and then approach your front door slowly. The hair on the back of your neck stands on end as you consider the possibilities for what could happen when you open the door.

Yet, knowing your life, whatever you prepare for isn't going to help you in the slightest. Is that pessimistic? You need to be more optimistic, Anon. You never know, it could be Princess Cadance on the other side of the door, or something.

You throw open the door, and Fluttershy stands there, smiling back at you. You weren't sure what you expected.

"Good Morning, Anon!" she says as cheerfully as ever. "I have a very special guess today."

She turns, and shows off a round cage, containing a bright white cockatoo inside, who peers at you with great prejudice.

"I don't fuck birds," you say to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy snickers and shakes her head.

"No, Anon!" the stupid yellow horse cheerfully replies. "I was wondering if feeling important got you in the mood! Pet ownership is one of the best ways to feel important and to give your life more meaning! Would you like to take Mango here off my hands?"

"You have a bird called Mango?" you say flatly, looking directly at the reader's point of view. "I Wish you weren't being so Crystal clear about your reference here."

"W-what reference?" the pegasus asks. "I'm just saying he lost one of his Anzel-" she stutters before continuing. "Axles. Kinda like you. My bad. Slip of the tongue."

You groan at how unoriginal and uninspired this particular guess is before taking the bird with the round cage off of her back and setting the cage on the ground. You open the door on the cage and the bird hops out of the cage and flaps about your home before resting on your shoulder.

"Dawww. She already likes you!" Fluttershy says cheerfully.

"Yeah, but one thing, Fluttershy," you say, reaching a finger out to the bird, to transplant her over to a lamp before continuing. "I thought you would have known better, being a pet owner and all."

Fluttershy pauses, taking a step back.

"Y-yes, Anon?"

"Birds hate round corners."

You leap into the air and stomp down on the cage. The bird flares up its feathers and opens it's mouth before screeching loud enough to let half of Equestria know.

"FUCKING FUCKIN FUCK FUCKIN FUCK FUCKIGN ROUND CORNERS AHGK FUCK SHIT FUCKIN FUCKING ROUND ROU- FUCK"

"THAT'S RIGHT BIRD," you scream back at Mango. "YOU FUCKIN SAY IT. SAY IT TO FLUTTERSHY."

"FUCKING FUCK BIRD FUCKING FLUTTERSHY FUCK FUCKING ROUND CORNERS FUCK"

You slam the door in Fluttershy's face as the bird viciously bangs it's head. Mango flies through the air and lands on your shoulder.

"I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship, birb."

"FUCK."

"You said it."

Author's Notes:

No ragats