You wake up from a well rounded, restful sleep and instantly realize that something is very wrong. You actually got sleep? Holy shit. This could actually be really, really fucking bad.

See, if you're ever having a good time, that means that some bad shit is about to happen. That's the way your life works, shit is shitty, until it isn't, then it gets really shitty again until it's not quite as shit.

Shit that was a terrible line. Just. Uh. Forget that.

You peer around at your room, your blood coursing through your veins. You peek under your covers and find nopony else, nor an overly clingy yellow-pegasus. Taking a deep breath to calm your nerves, you pull off the covers and sit on the side of your bed, rubbing your forehead.

"I'm just over-worrying. Things are going to be fine."

Then, the phone by your bed rings. You reach to grab it and place the receiver to your ear. It isn't until after you say hello that you begin to realize that you hadn't normally had a phone there.

"Yes, uhm. Uh. Excuse me, is this champ?" says a meek voice on the other side of the phone.

Your jaw drops unconsciously. You slam the phone down and run into your bathroom for safety. You close and lock the door behind you. You run to your shower, pull back the curtains and GOD DAMN IT IT'S FLUTTERCENA.

You rip the door to your bathroom open, and swear you've walked into fucking wonderland. Except, Alice must have fuckin slammed a mountain dew and a bag of doritos, because there's little frogs of different colors hopping around the floor of your home, each wearing different faces and muttering things like 'feels bad man.' You run as fast as you can down the stairs and leap to the floor from the second to last step. Suddenly a cocophany of screams rings through your ears, screaming things like "OH BABY A TRIPLE."

Running to your kitchen, you run past your table, who is ensuring you that it is definitely a table.

"I am the table," the table says.

You sprint to your destination, desperately trying to run around thousand of little yellow, overall-clad cancer cells that scuttle across your floor. Ripping open your kitchen closet, you pull out your trusty shotgun and a handful of shells.

"Alright, bitches. I'm ALREADY done with this shit."

You take aim and pull the trigger at each of the yellow assholes that scuttle around your kitchen floor. Each time you hit one, a white marker illuminates their body, indicating you hit them. You decide that now is not the time to be asking questions. Now is the time for cleaning.

Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, you feel a punch to the side. You strafe, trying to find the source of the assault, but find nothing. You literally cannot see your assailant.

"You know what? No. Fuck this."

You raise your gun to the invisible figure in front of you.

"Fluttershy, I've had enough of your bullshit once and for all. This is it. I'm fucking ending this now."

Suddenly, Fluttershy becomes visible as a pair of sunglasses float from the ceiling of your home down to your eyes.

"GG no Re," you say.

Just as you pull the trigger, you feel as if time slows down. The back door to your kitchen slams open as a motherfucking gorilla leaps into your kitchen. With a mighty roar, he leaps in front of the yellow horse, taking the full force of the blast, then falls to the ground, still.

Silence fills the air as the world stops to look down at the twitching, cringing corpse in the center of your kitchen, bleeding out.

"No... Harambe..." Fluttershy mutters.

You drop the gun.

"Not like this," you whisper. "What have I done."

Fluttershy tears off her hat and moves to the gorilla's side cradling his head carefully. You move closer standing over him.

"Anon," Harambe says. "Come closer. Please."

Fluttershy looks up to you. You nod and kneel down beside Harambe as each of the Pepes feel bad man.

"This is all the feels," Fluttershy says, tears welling in her eyes. "I-I never meant for this to happen for the Dank Memes fetish guess..."

Harambe laughs, shaking his head at the yellow horse.

"Tits or GTFO, horse," Harambe says. "Anon, I need to tell you something."

You nod, kneeling down beside the glorious life that was taken from this world too soon.

"Anything," you whisper.

Harambe coughs then, looks up to you. There's a small glimmer in his eye as he whispers one final phrase.

"SOOOOOO $TONED FUCK MAN AW $HIT NIGGA HELLA MOTHA FUCKING 666 ODD FUTURE MAN BRO CHECK THIS OUT MY SWAG WITH THE WHAT WHOLE 666 420 $$$$ HOLLA HOLLA GET DOLLA SWED CASH FUCKING MARIJUANA CIGARETTES GANGSTA GANGSTA EAZY-E C.R.E.A.M. SO BAKED OFF OF THE BOBMARLEY GANJA 420 SHIT PURE OG KUUSSHHH LEGALIZE CRYSTAL WEED."

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkzL7Qxqf6Q