You wake up one bright, sunny afternoon to the sound of your alarm clock. It’s another average day in Equestria. Where fourth-wall breaks are the norm, even though you don’t quite understand what fourth wall you’re breaking, because you’re supposed to be a character in a story.

Actually, you know what? Let’s talk about this for a second. You are the character in the story right now. It’s called suspension of disbelief. You are letting go of the world around you for a second. You aren’t sitting in a chair, reading a story. You aren’t on your phone, scrolling through text. You aren’t on a tablet, waiting for the bus to arrive or some shit. Right now, you are a character in a story. It’s relaxing. It allows you to have experiences that you might never have otherwise had. It’s a safe way to learn and experience things in an environment where you can’t be hurt.

This is how we widen our perspective and guide ourselves towards being better characters in our own world. So, yeah, you aren’t ACTUALLY this character. No, you aren’t ACTUALLY doing what you’re doing in this story, but if you can’t take a deep breath after being almost 76 thousand words deep into this and realize that this is all in either good fun, or at least is trying to widen your perspective, then we need to seriously talk.

But none of that is the point. The point is, you get up and brush your fucking teeth. Because you have the worst morning breath, man. You kiss your mother with that mouth? Jesus Christ. She might as well sucked your Dad’s dick before kissing you, because you’re basically doing that to her.

Then, you hear three gentle knocks on the door.

Your whole body tenses. Because that’s what this story does. That single line appears more times in this story than the word Fluttershy.

Actually, that’s not really true. It’s a figure of speech. Readers. I’m trying to be funny. Can you roll with me for like, 10 seconds, before jumping all over my dick? Thanks.

You head downstairs, then realize you should probably put on pants.

So you go upstairs and put on pants.

Then you go back downstairs, freshly panted, and open the door.

On the other side, is Fluttershy, wearing dark black clothes and a white clerical collar.

“Priests aren’t my fetish, Fluttershy.”

“Actually, I’m not Fluttershy. This is a self-insert now.”

You stare down at the pony in front of you, pausing.

“So, you’re saying I’m the reader, and you’re the author of this story,” you say.

“Yeah. I’m Flutterpriest,” says the pony in front of you.

You pause, staring down at the yellow horse.

“Can we talk?” you say.

“Yeah, that’s kinda why I came here. Can we have coffee or something?” I say.

“Yeah, sure.”

I walk inside and force you to realize that there’s some weird perspective fuckery going on in this chapter. It’s highly experimental because it’s the 100th chapter god-damnit. We’re going PURE self-flagellation here.

“Listen,” I say, clapping two hooves together and making coffee magically appear out of nowhere. “I want to really honestly thank you for persevering this far into this story.”

“Uh, I don’t really have a choice?” you say. “I’m the main character. What you write is what I do.”

“No, that’s not exactly what I mean. I mean, this story just kinda becomes pure shitposting sometimes. I realize that. But I really want to thank you. I’ve done my best to post as much content as possible. I have a lot of fun writing these things, and you guys could have put this story down at any point. Instead, you kept reading. So, just, thank you. I wanted to let you know I really appreciate it.”

You look down at your hands.

“You’re… welcome?” you say.

I open my mouth and pause.

“You know, on second thought, saying that from your mouth doesn’t make a lot of sense. If I WRITE that you say ‘you’re welcome’ it’s not exactly sincere.”

You pause, silent.

“Yeah, I don’t exactly know what you’d say, so there’s not much else I can have you honestly say. This chapter is all full of fuck anyway. So I guess I’ll just wrap this shit up. Thank you for persevering through this story. You’re the reason why I write. I hope you continue to enjoy all the bullshit I throw at you and I’ll do my best to keep this fresh and interesting as we push further and further down the rabbit hole.”

You blink, and the priest horse in front of you disappears.

You look down at your hands.

“What the actual fuck did I just read? Er, witness. Er. I don’t even know anymore.”