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You Came to the Wrong Neighborhood

by Thread Necromancer

Chapter 2: Oh no.

Previous Chapter

The Equestrian troops marched through the cracked streets, Celestia was in the middle of the formation, preaching about a potion that would turn humans into peaceful ponies. But a decently sized group of Bloods and Crips gang members in a local club weren’t gonna have any of it.

“Aight my niggas, here’s the situalation: We got some bitch-ass cracker wantin’ to turn us into lil’ pussy-ass ponies. What we gon’ do ‘bout it?” Announced a Blood.

A Crip answered, “Well obviously, we gon’ beat that bitch ass!” the crowd murmured in agreement.

“K den. Any nigga dat agrees say ‘Yes, fam.’” There was a combined, loud ‘yes, fam’ in response. “Any punk-asses that opposal this idea say ‘Nah, son’” Absolute silence. “It’s settled den. Go home, grab a weapon, and we gon’ knock this ho out at around 3 in the afternoon.” No objections.

A sudden sea of blue and red lay before Celestia. “Accept our ways and become a pony. Failing to comply will be seen as an act of aggression and dealt with harshly.”

A man with a blue shirt at the front of the crowd yelled, “Nah bitch, how yo gon’ esspect me to side wit yo pale cracker-ass? Ya’ll got me fucked up!”

“Very well then, It looks like you group of buffoons leave me no cho-”

“YEET!” shouted a crowd member, as he threw a glass bottle with a flaming cloth shoved in it. It shattered near Celestia’s hooves and coated the ground in a sheet of fire. It easily broke her soldiers up and Celestia was completely exposed. “Attack them!” she ordered. The rest of the soldiers charged in, but rapid flashes and loud bangs came from the crowd. The charging soldiers dropped dead one after another. The troops that were on fire and panicking a moment before had re-organized.

Now it was the gangs’ turn to make an offensive. They rushed towards the remaining fighters with bats, knives, shovels, and one even wielded a scooter into battle. A vicious melee erupted. Those with shovels used the edge to dig into a spear shaft and keep it pinned to the ground while the brutes with bats knocked the enemy’s sorry-ass out while they were preoccupied. Many had knives with better crafted blades that Equestria’s iron spear tips. The blades could penetrate the soft gold armor inflict major damage. The infamous “scooter-savage” fearlessly charged into the brawl. He swung the scooter’s platform around the the axis and plowed through soldiers, smashing the handlebars into heads and swinging the edge into exposed ankles, leaving many soldiers lying on the ground and clutching their hooves, holding back tears.

The humans emerged victorious. Celestia was furious “What a bunch of useless soldiers. Fine, I guess I will deal with you myself!” Her horn glowed and a blinding beam shot out. She swept it through the crowd but when she stopped, no one seemed affected. “Impossible…” she said with her jaw hanging lower than most of her enemies’ tax balances. “How did you-?”

“‘CUS WE BLACK!” exclaimed a woman in red. “Biomestry taught me dat darker colors obsorb light.”

Celestia’s mane was set ablaze in rage as she screamed through clenched teeth. “MARK MY WORDS, I’LL BE BA-” she was cut off by a sharp pain in her neck. She looked down and saw a disc protruding from her throat. In sharpie, “Dequan’s Mixtape” was written on the disc. The injury began to burn, Celestia tore the disk out to see actual fire coming from the wound. There was faint tune that sounded like it was coming from the cut. The music increased in volume and fire grew and spread rapidly. Celestia tried desperately to put it out. Her last words were “THE BEAT'S TOO HOT, GET THE WATER NIGGA!” before collapsing and turning into an unrecognizable crispy corpse.

From that day onward, the once rival gangs set aside their nonexistent differences and vowed to defend their hood homeland as one.

Author's Notes:

First fic.

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