Human Rituals
Where is Thumbkin?
(1 Year, 10 Months Since Arrival)

I stood politely to one side while the royals exchanged pleasantries. Apparently the ‘Crystal Empire’ royal family was attending this year's 'Flower Festival' here in Ponyville, hosted by Twilight Sparkle. The idea was simple, ponies tended to pair off in the springtime like most animals did, but since they were a ‘civilized race’ they disguised it under a festival of flower exchanging. Rarity had told me about it around Hearthswarming and although they already had an equivilant of Valentine’s Day (“Hearts and Hooves Day”), this reminded me a lot of that. Everypony in town had to have a flower in their tail. White meant you were single and looking, pink meant you were in a relationship, and red meant you were happily married. There were ribbons, secondary flowers and such to tell about ‘preferences’, but I didn’t dig too deeply. Twilight insisted I wear a pink flower in my back pocket to participate in the ‘culture depth of pony society’, and I really couldn’t turn her down.

“You must be Prince Shining Armor,” I did my best to bow respectfully, and again to his wife Princess Cadance. Then my eyes fell on the tiny foal on her back. “Who’s this?!” my voice trilled before I would stop myself. I loved children, ever since I was old enough to know where they came from. Not that I was really responsible enough to have any, but I knew cute when I saw it. And even as far as ponies went, this little booger was adorable.

Cadance chuckled, turning profile so I could meet Princess Flurry Heart. “Hail, tall thing. Happy tidings from the frozen north of endless blizzards and icy, draconic death-fire.” The tiny pony’s voice was squeaky but eloquent. I blinked, staring at her. “I give you my seasonal blessing and oh-my-gosh-what-is-that ohmmm!” My translation band grew hot, twisting and protesting as the baby shoved her own hoof in her mouth and suckled loudly.

“She’s… adorable,” I decided politely, unable to keep from grinning.

“Twilight’s told us all about you in her letters,” Shining armor lifted a hoof. I made a fist for a pony ‘handshake.’ I felt his kinetic hoof magic hold my hand firmly for a moment before dropping it. Twilight beamed and they exchanged pleasantries. “Hold her for me for a minute while we put our flowers on?” the stallion asked. I leaned and picked up the tiny, squirming pony. She looked up at me, fussy and unsure of the new person in her life.

“I AM UNABLE TO SEE BIG MILK THING, THIS UPSETS ME!” Princess Flurry Heart said loudly, flailing a little. I curled my arms about her so she wouldn’t fall. Her wings flapped wildly. “VERY UPSETTING!” she repeated, her feathers flapping in my face back and forth.

“That’s very rude, you should call her Mom, not big milk thing,” I coaxed. A few ponies laughed like I’d made a joke.

“One minute, sweetie,” Princess Cadence said as her husband affixed a red flower to her tail for the festival. They exchanged a kiss before she unwrapped his and did the same. My eyes flicked towards Twilight, who’d not yet chosen a flower color. Everypony was expected to wear one, and I knew she was single. But was she single and looking, as white foretold? Seemed kind of entrapping…

“BIG MILK THING IS GONE FOREVER! A THOUSAND UNHAPPY DAYS AHEAD BEFORE I DIE OF STARVATION AND MISERY!” Princess Flurry Heart was making my translation band groan and pop. A single spark flew off and went out before it hit the ground.

“Uhm… uhm…” I paused while the royals did their best to work quickly. “Ah, ah…” I thrust a thumb up before Princess Flurry Heart’s eyes. “Where is thumbkin, where is thumbkin?” I sang. My little cousin Lindsey had loved that when she was little. “Here I am, here I am!” I waggled it at her. She paused, entranced. “How are you to-day sir? Very good yes thank you,” I tickled up and down her plush belly and she giggled. “Run and play, run and play.”

“What-is-that? What-is-that-there? I want it in my-CRRSHHSHS-ZZZZRT…!” Flurry heart took half my hand into her mouth and the translation band shattered into a million pieces like glass.

“Ne-e-e-e-eigh!” Twilight said, rearing a little at the sound. Cadance quickly took the baby as I stood there clutching my burnt wrist. “Reeee-heh-eh-heh-heh-heh!” Twilight pawed at me, concerned.

“Pb-b-b-b-b-ht,” Shining Armor said as they turned the baby over and over for injuries. Thank goodness there were none. “Reeee-heh-heeee-hehehe-!” he clippity-clopped a bit as he spoke.

I stared blankly, but soon Nurse Redheart came out of the waiting throng with medical bag and salves. They wrapped my wrist. She spoke in equine, soothing as she could, but I could make neither heads nor tails of it all.

*_*_*_*_*

“Okay, it should be working now,” Twilight said, looking up at me. “Are you okay, Ne-e-eigh?” she asked.

“I think so. Thanks for making a spare for me,” I nodded. The burn was soothed under aloe gel and they’d put the new translation band on my other wrist.

“Well these are highly experimental, maybe that one just ran out. I put padding on the inside of this one so that if it does shatter it won’t hurt you next time.” Twilight turned it over and over on my wrist to check the runes. “I guess we’ll call it the Mark II.”

“You better get back to the festival, they’re gonna miss you, Miss Princess of Friendship,” I encouraged. She giggled a little embarrassedly, turning to let me rest for a bit. Sure enough, she’d attached a white flower to her tail for the festivities.

*_*_*_*_*

“Ah heard your band got blowed up, Ne-e-eigh!” Applejack appeared near me at the festival, her mane and tail affixed with a beautiful white flower crown and tail fixtures.

“Yeah, I think maybe the wear and tear got to it,” I said thoughtfully. “At least I got to hear Princess Flurry Heart’s voice.”

“Hehe, yeah,” Applejack nodded. “She’ll be talkin’ before long, then we’ll see what kind’a Princess she’s gonna be, huh?”

“She doesn’t talk yet?” I asked.

“Well no, she’s only a year or so old. They’re still workin’ on ‘mama’ and ‘dada’ ah imagine,” Applejack snickered. “I wanna have youngins myself one day, eh, as you can see,” she gave a flick of her tail to show off the white flowers. I smiled, nodding my approval. “Ah see Twilight got you your own flower, fits nice over your cutie patch.”

“Yeah,” I turned, touching the pink flower and patch that Rarity had affixed to my pants. It was a quill and book. After much thought and remembering that I’d gone to college to be an English teacher, that seemed like the best thing for me. I’d never been able to make it happen, but a college degree was still a college degree so meh. The ponies had lovingly called my new mark a ‘cutie patch’, since it was on my pants and not on me.

“Ah heard a rumor that Ditzy Doo is wearin’ pink, so ah gotta go see fer m’self!” Applejack said behind a hoof. “Ah didn’t know she was dating, so ah gotta go see who the lucky stallion is. See ya later!” she trailed off and away into the crowd of flower-wearing ponies and revelery. All those couples, romance seekers and wedded pairs weren’t lost on me. This was a day of finding and celebrating love. I folded my arms a little.

The pain of missing my fiancé had dulled over time. Though I still held her in my heart, it was no different than missing one’s closest aunt or a relative that lived on the other side of the world, really. You saw them at Christmas and that was it. Perhaps I’d been away for too long. A year and some months was a long time not to hold someone. Twilight’s record was in a drawer in my room, and although I still played it on occasion, I no longer cried over it like I used to. Was I getting over the woman I’d planned to marry? Surely she’d had me declared dead by now. What was the time limit for that? A year? Two? I wasn’t sure. Five years in ponyland would no doubt change me. These were a much simpler, much nicer people than those back home. Perhaps I was acclimating more than I thought.

My gaze wandered over the crowd, seeing who was wearing white and who wasn’t. I had to admit it was a pretty good system. I settled on the school teacher, Cheery-something. With hips like that it was hard to imagine she was wearing white-for-looking. Maybe her career got in the way of her dating life. I sort of understood that.

Stopping for a festival game here, I wowed a few foals with my height and reach. I helped cascade flower petals over a couple as one proposed to the other. I smiled for pictures and wandered the streets of ponyville as the festival went on. They knew their local hyoo-man was just there to have fun like them. They’d grown used to me, thankfully. More than one of them stopped to ask who my very special somepony was, since I was wearing pink. I would pull out my decaying wallet and show them the picture. All of them congratulated me, and the faded picture would be put away again. I shook a lot of hooves, helped hang strings of flowers over archways and businesses. There was a parade, a speech by Princess Cadance (The Princess of LOVE, no less! Hah!), and plenty more to do before the sun was setting.

By the time dark came around I knew it was time to retreat back to Castle Friendship. Ponies were starting to disappear into the night, nuzzle under trees and put children to bed. It was no secret a LOT of babies were gonna be happening tonight. Or at least, practicing to make babies. Foals. Whatever.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

Spike and I ended up playing board games well into the night waiting for Twilight, Cadance and Shining Armor to return. We ended up falling asleep though. Morning came, and it was time to say goodbye to the northern royals. When they did, both Princess looked a little… well… bow-legged. Well well well, Twilight managed to get laid? The scandal! I was willing to put bits on Big Mac, but I knew well enough to keep my mouth shut. My benefactor’s sex life was none of my business, and I covered for her when Spike started to ask why she was walking so funny.

“Tall thing! I want to eat your hair!” Flurry Heart said, upsetting my translation band. She flailed her little hooves in my direction. Shining Armor chuckled aloud, hearing only baby talk.

“A-boo-boo-boo to you too!” Twilight wuzzle-nuzzled at Flurry Heart’s belly, making her shriek and giggle. “I know you’ll be spending Hearts and Hooves day in the Crystal Empire. Maybe my friends and I can visit!” Twilight said brightly to Cadance. It was agreed.

“Tall thing! Tall thiiiiiiing!” Princess Flurry Heart stuck her head out the train window with her father’s help. He waggled her hoof for her like she was waving. “Tall thing! Your nose is funny! Hey, hey big milk thing!” she saw her mother and instantly forgot about me. “Don’t leave me! Big milk thing! Pay attention to me!” Shining Armor struggled a little so she couldn’t flap her wings and fly right out of the train car window again. “Damnation and hellfire, a most holy blessing to he who changes my nappy and feeds me! Someone feed meeee!”

“You’re a wordy little thing aren’t you…?” I mumbled, putting my chin in thumb and forefinger. My wristband hissed and started to pop a little, so I went back out of earshot with Spike. I watched the two Princesses hug and exchange farewells before the train departed for the frozen north.

Twilight returned to us, beaming, “What a great visit!” she said enthusiastically.

“What a cool festival!” Spike was still wearing his sunflower circlet, something they gave to foals and little ones. I suddenly remembered my own pink flower and pulled the clip out of my back pocket. I tossed it in the nearest flowerbed so it could decompose and help the other flowers along. "Wanna find lunch?"

"Heck yeah!" I grinned.