Scootaloo’s New Family

By Alaborn
Special thanks to FanOfMostEverything

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc. I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 5: Derpy

A glum Scootaloo idly twirled a long-handled spoon in the remaining few sips of her strawberry milkshake. “I was sure Fluttershy was perfect for me!” she exclaimed.

Sharing her table at Sugarcube Corner, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom gave a sympathetic nod. “So where to next?” Apple Bloom said.

“Pinkie Pie?” Sweetie Belle suggested.

“While I like eating all the sweets I want, she actually lives with the Cakes. And I’m trying to get away from the whole ‘twins demanding everypony’s time’ thing,” Scootaloo said.

“Twilight Sparkle?” Sweetie Belle said.

“I think I’m happy having her as just our tutor.” Scootaloo shuddered. “I swear she’s mentally cataloging her findings every time I come back from a new family.”

“Well, that about does it,” Apple Bloom said.

“No! There are tons of ponies in Ponyville!” Scootaloo said.

“But that’s really all we know,” Sweetie Belle said.

“Then we need to look harder,” Scootaloo said.

Ten seconds later, each filly’s head was resting on her forelegs as inspiration failed them. Fortunately, they were sitting in a popular bakery, and the jingle of the bell above the door stirred them from their funk.

“Maybe you just need a perfectly ordinary family, one that’s never going to be called on to save Equestria,” Sweetie Belle said as she observed the pegasus mare and unicorn filly who entered. “Like the mailmare!”

“You mean Muffins?” Scootaloo said.

“I thought her name was Derpy,” Apple Bloom said.

“No, it’s Ditzy Doo,” Sweetie Belle said.

“I call her Mommy. And she’s the best mommy in Equestria!” the young unicorn filly said.

“This could work,” Scootaloo said, rubbing her chin. “Yeah. I’m liking this idea!”

After the pegasus completed her purchase, Scootaloo approached her. One golden eye focused on Scootaloo, while the other gazed at a glass case full of muffins. A big bag of treats was sticking out of her mailbag. “Um, Ms. ... Muffins?”

“Yes?”

“Uh, this is kind of hard to say. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m looking for a new family. Do you think I could live with you?”

She looked at her, confusion evident on her face for a while, before she smiled. “Oh! I’ve heard all about you, Scootaloo! Of course you can live with us!”

Dinky smiled. “Am I getting a new sister, Mommy?” she asked.

“It looks like it, muffin!”

Scootaloo turned to her friends. “It looks like I won’t be available to crusade until this is done. Sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Sweetie Belle said.

“Good luck!” Apple Bloom said.

Scootaloo smiled, though the phrase “You’ll need it” echoed in her mind.

Following the requisite stop with Twilight Sparkle, where the princess explained to Derpy the rules about Scootaloo’s search, Scootaloo followed her new mother as they crossed town. She fluttered her wings slowly, propelling her scooter at such a speed that she wouldn’t outpace the others. And one awkward question weighed on Scootaloo’s mind.

“Um, uh...” she started.

“Yes?” Derpy said.

“I’ve, uh, heard lots of names for you, but which one do you want me to use?”

Derpy smiled. “Well, my name is Desiderata Doo, but I’ve been given a lot of nicknames over the year. Ditzy Doo, Derpy, Muffins... I’m happy that ponies love me enough to give me special names.”

“But which one do you like?”

Derpy draped a wing over Scootaloo. “I like whichever one you like. But I’d like it the most if someday, you too would call me Mommy.”

“Maybe someday... Derpy,” Scootaloo said.

“Then let’s get you both home, so I can finish my mail route.”

Derpy’s home was in a neighborhood much like Scootaloo’s. It was a simple two story wooden home with a thatch roof. The lawn was trimmed, and beds of flowers surrounded a neat stone path leading to the front door.

“Welcome home, Scootaloo,” Derpy said as she opened the door.

Scootaloo peeked inside. The house looked lived in, neither perfectly clean nor overly messy. She entered and looked around. There were photos on the wall, trinkets on the shelves, and little decorations here and there. In short, it was a normal house.

“There’s the living room, there’s the kitchen, and there’s a bathroom over there,” Derpy said to Scootaloo. “There are muffins in the breadbox and fruits and vegetables in the icebox, if you’re hungry.”

“Okay,” Scootaloo said.

“Let me show you the spare bedroom upstairs.”

Derpy led Scootaloo upstairs, ending in a small but tidy bedroom. A twin bed and dresser were the only furnishings, and the room was sparsely decorated. “I hope this is comfortable, Scootaloo.” She turned to her daughter. “Muffin, please help Scootaloo get settled, and then introduce her to Sparkler.”

“Okay, Mommy!”

Derpy nuzzled Dinky. “I love you, my little muffin.” She smiled at Scootaloo. “You look like a filly who doesn’t like mushy stuff.”

Scootaloo mimed gagging. “No, thanks!”

“Then I’ll see you both after work.”

Derpy headed to the front door, Dinky trotting after her. The filly waved to her mother as she flew off.

“Come on, Scootaloo! Let’s go see Amethyst Star!” Dinky said.

“What about Sparkler?” Scootaloo asked.

“Well, her name’s Amethyst Star, but Mommy calls her Sparkler, because her gems are all sparkly,” Dinky said.

“Your mom really likes nicknames, doesn’t she?”

“Uh-huh!”

“I wonder what mine’s going to be...” Scootaloo said.

Amethyst Star lived just down the street. When she opened the door, Scootaloo vaguely recognized the young unicorn mare from around town.

“Oh, hi, Dinky!” Amethyst Star said. “What brings you here?”

“I’m here to show you my new big sister!” Dinky said excitedly. “This is Scootaloo!”

“I’ve heard of you,” Amethyst Star said, her smile suggesting just how she heard of Scootaloo.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Don’t worry, I’m not here looking for my cutie mark today,” Scootaloo said.

“Well, come in, both of you.”

Amethyst Star poured grape juice for the two fillies while pouring tea into a cup for herself. The three ponies sat at the kitchen table.

“So, how do you know each other?” Scootaloo asked.

“I was Dinky’s foalsitter for a long time,” Amethyst Star said. “Now I’m just her surrogate sister, and I help watch her while her mother is at work.”

“She also helps me with my magic!” Dinky said. “Maybe today you could....”

“Now, Dinky, you know the rules. Not until after I’ve finished work.”

“What do you do?” Scootaloo asked.

“I design jewelry. I can’t find gems like Miss Rarity, but I turn them into beautiful jewelry.”

“Oh. Cool,” Scootaloo said.

“You don’t strike me as a filly who likes jewelry. Maybe when you’re older....”

“Nah, never, no way,” Scootaloo said confidently.

Amethyst Star just smiled. “It was nice to meet you, Scootaloo. Remember that you can come by if you need help. But for now, I had better get back to work.”

“Okay, see you later!”

“Dinky, are you okay with this?” Scootaloo asked.

Dinky looked up from the floor, where she was drawing. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’ve tried to find a new family before, but each time, it was with somepony who didn’t have a foal of her own. Are you okay with this?”

“Yeah! You Crusaders are the coolest!”

Scootaloo’s wings fluttered. “You mean it?”

“Of course! You’re always doing fun things. I wish I could join you!”

“Well, how’d you like to be a Crusader for a day?” Scootaloo suggested.

“Um, well... I kind of don’t need to be a Crusader,” Dinky said.

“Huh?”

“I have my cutie mark.”

Scootaloo stared at Dinky. “I don’t see it.”

“That’s okay, it’s hard to see. My cutie mark shows that I’m good at stopping other magic. But since a cutie mark is itself magic, that makes it hard to see,” Dinky explained. “You really need to look for it.”

Scootaloo crossed her eyes and peered at Dinky. It took a moment, but she eventually saw it. A spark of magic, rising and then falling, was superimposed over two blue raindrops.

“What do the raindrops mean?” Scootaloo asked.

“I don’t know, but Mommy says they’re the mark of a counterspell.”

“Huh.” Scootaloo scratched her head. “How’d you get it?”

“When Discord broke loose, Mommy started to go wrong. I said no.”

Scootaloo looked at Dinky, her mouth agape. “You beat Discord’s magic? Like, when he took over Ponyville?”

“It’s not like I had to stare him down. I just said no. Being good at stopping magic means I have the ability to say merely yes or no. That’s what Mommy says.”

“Huh,” Scootaloo said. “So, even if you can’t be a Crusader, you want to play?”

“Yeah!”

And so they played. Scootaloo and Dinky played tag. They ran around the fields surrounding their neighborhood. And they got involved in an impromptu game of hoofball with the other foals in the area.

They returned home, tired and sweaty, late in the afternoon. They raided the kitchen for a snack, Dinky making a tasty dip for the carrots and celery sticks Scootaloo pulled out of the icebox. And they talked. Dinky was a little younger than Scootaloo, but she still relished the feeling of finally having a sister.

The front door opened. “Muffin, Scootaloo, I’m home!” Derpy called.

Dinky ran to greet her mother. “Hi, Mommy!”

Derpy embraced her daughter with one wing. Scootaloo walked up to her, and Derpy was quick to add her to the embrace. After the hug, she said three wonderful words. “Let’s make dinner!”

Scootaloo helped Derpy and Dinky make dinner. Derpy knew her way around the kitchen, and she was good at breaking down tasks such that even a novice like Scootaloo could contribute. Scootaloo wasn’t sure what she was doing, but she was happy when the results were brought to the kitchen table, a rice pilaf and a big bowl of sautéed vegetables.

Derpy finished the meal by taking some muffins from the breadbox and placing them on the table. “Now the meal is complete!” she announced.

Scootaloo ate her meal happily. The food didn’t taste much better than what she was used to, but it was prepared with love. There was no fighting over food, and both Derpy and Dinky took the time to talk to her.

After dinner, Scootaloo and Dinky split the chores, cleaning the kitchen and sweeping the floors. Neither chore took much time; Derpy kept a clean house.

Once they were done, Dinky hopped onto the couch, sitting next to her mother. Derpy had a book in her hooves. “Care to join us?” Derpy asked Scootaloo.

“We’re reading Daring Do and the Griffon’s Goblet!” Dinky said.

“Okay,” Scootaloo replied. She hadn’t read the book, but she did know it well, thanks to Rainbow Dash always talking about it.

Scootaloo settled in next to Derpy. The mare propped up the book where they all could see it, and then stretched her wings over the fillies, covering them in a warm blanket of feathers. Scootaloo then learned about her new family’s tradition. For the next hour, they took turns reading aloud from the book. Dinky even added funny voices for the characters.

“I think that’s all for tonight,” Derpy announced. “Do you need any help setting up your room, Scootaloo?”

“No, I got it,” Scootaloo replied.

Scootaloo returned to her room, where, for the fifth time that summer, she looked at a box with her belongings. So far, living with Derpy and Dinky was a marked change from her past experiences, devoid of excitement or strife. She smiled and started unpacking. She was in the middle of hanging her Wonderbolts poster when she heard a knock on the door.

“Scootaloo?” Derpy said. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” she replied.

“Do you need anything?”

“I’m good for now,” Scootaloo said.

Derpy looked around the room and nodded. “Tomorrow’s Saturday. I deliver mail in the morning, but after that, I have the rest of the day free. I was thinking that the three of us could have a picnic lunch. Would you like that?”

“That sounds fun!” Scootaloo said.

Derpy smiled. “Dinky’s excited, too. What I need you two to do in the morning is make whatever picnic food you like. Okay?”

“Sure thing.”

Derpy leaned over and nuzzled Scootaloo. “Good night.”

The next morning, Scootaloo woke up when Derpy gently knocked on her door. It was early, though not quite Apple early. “I’m up,” she said wearily.

Scootaloo got up and opened the door. Derpy smiled at her. Behind Derpy, Dinky stood, yawning and with a bad case of bed mane.

“I’m going to work soon,” Derpy said. “There are muffins for breakfast, or you can make something if you like. Just don’t touch the cupcakes; those are for the picnic. After breakfast, please make some food for our picnic. Be sure to clean the kitchen when you’re done, since we won’t be leaving until it’s clean.”

“Okay, Mommy,” Dinky said.

“Yeah, sure,” Scootaloo said.

“Okay. Be good when I’m gone, and don’t forget to shower!”

Scootaloo and Dinky took turns showering, and once they finished, they went to the kitchen. Dinky opened the breadbox, and Scootaloo gazed on an impressive number of muffins. “Do you eat muffins every day?” Scootaloo asked.

“Mommy does, but not me. I like muffins, but not every day,” Dinky said. “And today, I will have a muffin.” She pulled out a blueberry muffin.

“Hmmm. Muffins sound good to me,” Scootaloo said. She selected one with cherries and chocolate chips.

Dinky and Scootaloo ate their muffins in silence. Scootaloo savored the plump cherries and sweet chocolate in her muffin and relaxed. She was relieved that this household wouldn’t force her to eat muffins daily, though with how good this muffin tasted, she could see eating them several times a week.

“Let’s make some food for our picnic now,” Dinky suggested.

Scootaloo nodded, and the two fillies sprung into action. Scootaloo had gotten a glimpse of Derpy’s kitchen the previous day, but now that she was really looking at it, she was surprised to see all that was there. Derpy had a large variety of fresh fruits, vegetables, flowers, and cheeses; rows of jams and jellies; a pantry stocked with baking supplies; and a large spice rack. “So, where do we start?” Scootaloo said.

“Let’s make sandwiches,” Dinky said. “Then we cut them into small pieces, and we can share!”

The two fillies started pulling out ingredients. Scootaloo focused on all those foods her mom never made. One sandwich got tulips, lettuce, cheddar cheese, and horseradish. She then grabbed the peanut butter, and paired it with some apricot preserves.

“Hey, Scootaloo, pass the peanut butter,” Dinky said.

Scootaloo slid the jar to her, and saw what she was making. On one slice of bread, Dinky had spread cream cheese and what looked like apple pie filling. The other slice got the peanut butter, and she pressed the two slices of bread together.

“That actually looks good,” Scootaloo said.

“It is!” Dinky said.

Scootaloo smiled. Seeing Dinky’s sandwich, maybe she was finally ready to stomach apples again.

They made a bunch more sandwiches and a fruit salad. Scootaloo chopped vegetables while Dinky made some more of that tasty dip. Looking at the pile of food, more than enough for three ponies, they decided they were done.

“Now we need to clean up,” Dinky said.

Scootaloo surveyed the damage. There were a ton of things to put away, and dirty spoons and knives, but it certainly could be worse. Together, they made short work of the cleanup, without any of the fighting and complaining she was used to in her own family.

“Girls, I’m home!” Derpy called.

Dinky scrambled to her hooves and raced to the front door, Scootaloo following her. Dinky hugged and nuzzled her mother, and Derpy had a wing to spare for Scootaloo.

“Is everything ready for our picnic?” Derpy asked.

“Uh-huh!” Dinky replied.

“Yeah, we’ve got all sorts of sandwiches made, and....” Scootaloo started.

Derpy raised a hoof. “I want you to surprise me.”

Derpy loaded a picnic basket with all of the food, including the cupcakes she had bought the previous day, and added three bottles of sarsaparilla. She then folded up a blanket, and placed it atop the basket. “Ready!”

Derpy, balancing the basket and blanket on her back, flew out of the house at a gentle pace. Scootaloo followed on her scooter, with Dinky standing behind her, gripping her barrel. Together, they traveled to the outskirts of town.

Their picnic site was at the top of a gentle hill. To the west, they had a view of Ponyville, the town’s clock tower rising above the quiet village. To the east was the Everfree Forest, but they were safely away from it. Besides, it wasn’t like it was night, when the forest was scary.

Derpy spread out the blanket and placed the picnic basket on it. The three ponies sat around the basket and opened it, pulling out their lunch. They shared bites of sandwiches and vegetables.

“This is all very good,” Derpy said to the fillies. “Thank you for making this food.”

“You’re welcome, Mommy,” Dinky said.

“Yeah, you’re welcome,” Scootaloo said.

“And I think you’re both ready for cupcakes.”

Dinky cheered as Derpy pulled out the delicious cupcakes from Sugarcube Corner. There were six of them, delicious yellow cake with raspberry filling and a thick buttercream frosting. Scootaloo grabbed one.

“Be careful, Scootaloo. Those are Pinkie Pie’s raspberry hot sauce cupcakes, and they have a kick,” Derpy said.

Scootaloo hesitated, but decided a Sugarcube Corner cupcake was too good to leave uneaten. She tried the cupcake, and was surprised by how well the spicy raspberry compote complemented the cake and sweet frosting. “These are great!” she said.

Dinky bit into her own cupcake. “Mmm,” she hummed.

Scootaloo’s cupcake was soon gone, and she reached for another. She looked at Derpy. “Um, may I have another?”

“I don’t know, Scootaloo. Those are pretty big....”

Scootaloo turned her sad puppy dog eyes on Derpy.

“Okay, Scootaloo. Just this once.”

Scootaloo happily chewed on her second cupcake as she stretched out on the blanket. The sun warmed her back, and her new, perfectly ordinary family warmed her heart. “I could get used to this,” she said to herself.

The quiet picnic was interrupted by a flash of magic close to the edge of the Everfree Forest. The air shimmered, and four ponies appeared. Derpy’s eyes widened in surprise, and she flew over to the group.

Scootaloo looked at the group, and then at Dinky. “Do you know who they are?”

Dinky shrugged. “I know Mommy has some friends she doesn’t see much.”

“She has friends who can mass teleport?”

Scootaloo crept up to get a closer look at the newcomers, hiding behind a bush. Two were unicorns, one a stallion with a light blue coat, brown mane, and a cutie mark of a brain, the other a mare with a yellow coat, fiery red mane, and a cutie mark of a flame. The third was an earth pony stallion, almost as large as Big McIntosh, with a white coat, brown mane, and a cutie mark of a sunburst on a shield. Strangely, that sunburst featured straight lines, not the curvy lines that emulated Princess Celestia’s own cutie mark. The stallion had something like a thin rope wrapped around one foreleg.

The fourth figure was even more of a surprise. Now that she got closer, Scootaloo could see the mare was something she had only read about, a deer. The mare, or rather doe, had a pattern of tattoos inked into her coat.

“By the gods! What manner of magic is this?” the earth pony said. He stumbled around, unsteady on his hooves.

The unicorn stallion chuckled. “First time on Ungula, Gideon?”

The unicorn mare slapped the earth pony stallion on the withers. “We need you ready to fight. Here’s a tip: just don’t think about your body. I know that’s an impossible task for you, but still.”

“Jace, Chandra, be nice,” Derpy said to the unicorns. “I know this isn’t a social call, and if this is a prank, it’s not funny.”

“Forgive my companions,” the deer said. “Time is short. We came together on Zendikar to fight the titans that dwell in the space between worlds. Together, we destroyed two of them, but the third and greatest was unaccounted for. We have traced it. It is your world that’s at risk.”

Derpy looked off to the Everfree Forest. Both her eyes focused on a distant point. She then went to the bush where Scootaloo was hiding and pushed aside the branches. “Scootaloo. Take Dinky back to town and find Pinkie Pie. Tell her it’s a muffin emergency.”

Scootaloo saw the uncharacteristic seriousness on the mare’s face. “Town. Pinkie. Got it.”

“So what’s a muffin emergency?” Scootaloo asked Dinky as she powered her scooter.

“That’s when Mommy has to help other ponies. Sometimes, she needs Pinkie Pie’s help.”

“Help with what?”

“I don’t know. Mommy always asks me to go see Amethyst Star and stay safe at home.”

Scootaloo wasn’t satisfied with her answer. Fortunately, she could just ask Pinkie Pie.

The fillies pulled up to Sugarcube Corner and ran inside, not even bothering to take off their helmets. Cup Cake greeted them warmly. “What can I get you two? Do you need more cupcakes for your picnic?”

“No, we need muffins,” Scootaloo said.

“It’s a muffin emergency!” Dinky said.

“Did somepony say muffin emergency?” Pinkie Pie said, poking her head out from the kitchen. She suddenly froze, and then jumped in the air, hovering as her body twitched.

“Pinkie Pie?” Scootaloo said.

“That’s one big doozy! Fifteen twitchy tails and fifteen floppy ears! It is a muffin emergency for sure!” She twitched again, her hooves and muzzle moving. “Mrs. Cake, I need to borrow flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, milk, eggs, oh, and one of the ovens! I’ll bring them right back.”

Cup Cake stared for a moment, and then shook her head. “Okay, dear. Just bring them back in working order this time.”

Twenty seconds later, Pinkie Pie was pronking out the front door, somehow balancing an oven and a ton of baking supplies on her back.

“Let’s go,” Scootaloo said to Dinky.

The two fillies hopped on the scooter, and Scootaloo took off after Pinkie.

“Wait!” Dinky called. “You’re going the wrong way!”

“What do you mean?” Scootaloo said.

“We need to go home, where it’s safe!”

“There’s a mysterious group of teleporting ponies, a deer, a grave threat to Equestria, and Pinkie Pie carrying an oven on her back, and you’re not the least bit curious about what’s going to happen?”

“Well, I guess....”

“Great! Let’s go!”

Scootaloo powered her wings, determined to catch up to Pinkie Pie. That mare was confounding. Although her pronking looked like the movement of somepony who had all the time in the world and a desire to enjoy it, she was actually moving faster than Scootaloo!

They soon returned to their picnic site. Pinkie Pie was singing to herself and setting up a makeshift kitchen. They hopped off the scooter and looked around. The others were gone.

“Where is everypony?” Dinky said.

“La, la la, la la,” sang Pinkie Pie.

“Forget that,” Scootaloo said. “I found tracks. They’re in the Everfree Forest!”

Dinky paused. “We can’t go into the Everfree Forest! Even Rainbow Dash would say no!”

“Yeah, I guess,” Scootaloo said. “But they always say not to go in there alone. With so many adults there, what’s the worst thing we could find there?”

On cue, Scootaloo and Dinky felt the ground rumble. A terrible roar from within the Everfree reached their ears. They heard the sound of trees falling, and then they saw it.

A terrible creature, defying description, rose above the forest. It was like an inverted mountain peak, with a surface that resembled brain matter. Tentacles trailed from its form. Its colors, a combination of brown and blue and mauve, managed to do something that had never before been accomplished in their world of colorful equines: it looked unnatural.

“Is that coming closer to us?” Dinky asked, taking a few steps back.

“It’s... it’s just large, so it’s an optical illusion, right?” Scootaloo said.

The creature shrieked, a horrible sound that tore at the ponies’ souls. A wave of nothingness erupted from the creature. As it traveled, the trees of the Everfree Forest disintegrated, turning into white powder. The strange energy carried the white powder directly towards Scootaloo and Dinky.

The two fillies, shocked, just stood there. Then Pinkie Pie pulled out a balloon. She inflated it, then another, and within seconds, she had created a wall of balloons, which she nudged in front of Scootaloo and Dinky. The balloons soon popped, but the strange wave of nothingness was stopped. Chalky white powder drifted down on them.

“What’s going on?” Scootaloo said.

“Don’t worry, your Aunt Pinkie will keep you safe,” Pinkie Pie said. “Oh, and this is where you need to run away.”

Scootaloo wasted no time, grabbing Dinky and pulling her onto her scooter. She started to ride.

“Mommy!” Dinky shouted.

Scootaloo looked back, saw Derpy in the air, and skidded to a stop. The two fillies stared as the mare flew around this eldritch monster, distracting its attention. The mare’s eyes glowed, and... did she just cast a spell?

The other ponies soon appeared, minuscule when framed against the titanic monster. Their hooves churned up puffs of bleached white powder from the destroyed forest as they weaved around it. Chandra unleashed a terrible gout of fire from her horn; it washed over the creature without effect. Jace concentrated, and strange spectral creatures appeared around the horror; its tentacles made short work of the distraction. And then Gideon concentrated, and magical energy reached out to surround the creature. Again, it shrugged it off.

“How did he do that?” Scootaloo asked, staring at the earth pony. “For that matter, how did your mom do that?”

Dinky, joining Scootaloo in hiding behind a bush, just shook her head.

The deer concentrated, and a thick vine emerged from the ground. It wrapped around the horror, which struggled. The vine must have been filled with some potent magic, as it stopped the creature for far longer than the disparity in sizes would have suggested. Another wail, another wave of nothingness, and the vine crumbled to dust.

“Nissa! Chandra! Do what you did to Ulamog and Kozilek!” Gideon shouted.

“It won’t work!” Pinkie Pie said from behind her stove. “Emrakul isn’t merely indestructible! She has a resistance to mana of all colors! Even purple!”

“Use your magic to create bindings, and have these creations interact with the titan,” Jace said. “We need time to bind Emrakul. Nissa, can you trace the leylines?”

The deer, Nissa, frowned. “The magic of this plane is so unlike that of Zendikar. It would take far longer than we have for me to commune with its spirits.”

“I can help!” Derpy said. “I’m used to finding mana under the overlaid magic of harmony.”

Gideon concentrated, and tendrils of white energy wrapped around the horror. His face immediately contorted in strain. “Hurry! I can only hold it so long.”

“Ditzy Doo!” Jace called. “What in this world can be used to anchor the bindings, like these hedrons?”

Derpy flew over, looking at the curious stone item held in Jace’s aura, an elongated octahedral stone with detailed carvings. “What is it?” she asked

“The hedron is a creation of the kor planeswalker Nahiri, centuries ago, and was used to hold the titans trapped in Zendikar. They are powerful, imperishable, unfathomable....”

Pinkie Pie bounded up to Jace and licked it. Her muzzle wrinkled in disgust. “Unpalatable!”

Jace frowned. “I’m sure they are, but that’s not the issue....”

“I’ve got it!” Pinkie Pie shouted, snatching the hedron. “I know what we can use!” She turned to Derpy. “What I’m about to ask of you... know that I’m only asking this of you because the fate of Equestria and all of Ungula is at stake.” She placed her forehooves on Derpy’s withers and looked in her eyes. “Desiderata Lillian Doo, we need to make... THE WORST MUFFINS IN EQUESTRIA!”

Derpy gasped. So did Dinky. Derpy looked to where the two fillies were hiding and shook her head disapprovingly.

“Sorry, Mommy,” Dinky said, rising from behind the bushes.

“There’s no time to talk about it. You two do whatever Pinkie asks you to do while I talk to Nissa. We need these muffins!”

Chandra turned to face Pinkie Pie and Derpy with such speed, the flame she was conjuring sputtered out. “You’re going to try to trap this titan with muffins? Are you crazy?”

“I’ve come up with some sketchy plans in desperate times, but nothing like that,” Gideon said.

“If I had a better idea, I’d share it,” Jace said. “I hate to say it, but I trust Pinkie Pie. She knows more about this plane than she lets on.”

The next several minutes passed in a blur as Scootaloo and Dinky furiously mixed up muffin batter. Derpy rejoined them shortly after. All the while, Scootaloo stole glances at the battle raging at the edge of the Everfree forest. She watched as Gideon fought hoof to tentacle with the monstrosity, using both his strange magic and the multibladed whip wrapped around his foreleg. Chandra summoned pony-shaped beings of pure flame, and Jace illusory creatures in all manner of forms. None showed any sign of harming the creature. The creature spawned miniature versions of itself, each the size of a pony, which Chandra dispatched with gouts of fire.

“Shouldn’t we be getting Twilight? Or Princess Celestia?” Scootaloo asked. “I’d even take Discord at this point!”

“That wouldn’t be a good combination.” Pinkie Pie shuddered. “Now, don’t you worry. If you asked Princess Celestia, she’d put the fate of Equestria in the hooves of your mother, Dinky.”

“I have the best mommy ever!” Dinky cheered.

“Ooh, the muffins are almost ready!” Pinkie Pie said. She went to each bowl of batter and grated some of the hedron into it, like some bizarre nutmeg fruit. “Now get them in the tins!”

Gideon flew back as the eldritch monster twisted the tentacle he had grabbed. He got to his hooves and readied his whip. “We don’t have time to wait for the muffins to bake.” He dodged as the creature whipped a tentacle at him. “And never in my life did I think I’d utter those words in battle.”

“I agree, Gideon. So we’ll make time flow faster,” Jace said as he approached. He concentrated, and a blue bubble surrounded the ovens. Nine seconds later, the oven dinged, and Jace released the magic.

“Why didn’t I think of that?” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. “Just think of how much more I could bake if....”

Jace shoved a hoof in Pinkie Pie’s mouth. “Party later. We need to try your plan now.”

Pinkie Pie took the muffins out of the oven, unappealing grayish lumps with a faint muffin smell. They easily came out of the tins, landing on a serving platter with a heavy thump. Derpy placed the platter on her back and ran into the Everfree with Nissa.

Scootaloo held Dinky as they watched the remaining three strangers continue their battle against the alien creature.

“What’s happening?” Dinky asked.

“I don’t think I want to know.”

They watched in silence as the fight continued, the Everfree Forest and surrounding land scarred by the battle. What felt like hours later, Derpy flew out of the forest, Nissa running behind her. “There’s the last spot!” Derpy shouted.

Nissa planted the final muffin in the ground. Chandra distracted the creature with another fire elemental. “Fall back, protect Jace!” she yelled.

The unicorn stallion concentrated, magic flowing into the nearby muffin. It glowed with pink energy, and then two rays of light shot out. A faint rosy glow rose over the Everfree Forest, tracing a shape that looked a lot like a cupcake.

The massive horror screeched and charged at Jace, but the pink energy formed a barrier, holding it in. “The hedron network’s holding!” Jace shouted.

“Now what?” Gideon asked. “We don’t have the magic to destroy Emrakul, even if we could get it to manifest completely in this world.”

“I talk to her,” Pinkie Pie said.

“WHAT?” everypony else shouted.

Pinkie Pie happily bounded up to the barrier. “Emrakul. Emi baby. What’s the matter?”

The creature shrieked.

“Oh, don’t give me that. It’s your old pal, Pinkie Pie. I know I look different, but I still care about you.”

More unearthly moaning was the only response.

“Well, you’re not going to do that in my plane. I know you better than that. What’s really wrong?”

The earth rumbled.

“Why did you leave Zendikar?”

The creature shrieked, louder than before.

“I see. You’re feeling left behind. Last time, you worked together with Ulamog and Kozilek, but this time, they acted without you.”

“Good thing they did,” Gideon said.

“Emrakul, you’re not happy, but you won’t be happy here, either,” Pinkie Pie said. “You see, you and Ungula go together as well as cupcakes and toothpaste. You need to go somewhere else.”

The creature fell silent. It seemed to be listening to Pinkie Pie.

“There’s this nice little plane called Innistrad. It’s filled with vampires and werewolves and ghosts and zombies. They all think they’re super frightening, but you know what? They haven’t met real terror. They haven’t met you.”

The monster released a hiss of air, making a noise like the lowest note on a pipe organ.

“See? I knew we could work this out.”

Pinkie Pie turned to Jace. “She says she’s going to leave. Release the magic from the barrier.”

Jace looked doubtful, but did as Pinkie Pie said. The muffins stopped glowing, and the symbol in the sky faded. A vast rift opened in the sky above the Everfree Forest, giving Scootaloo and Dinky a glimpse of everything and nothing all at once. The titanic monster faded into this nothingness, and the rift disappeared.

“WOULD SOMEPONY TELL ME WHAT JUST HAPPENED?” Scootaloo screamed.

Jace trotted up to Scootaloo and Dinky, but Derpy intercepted him. “I have to do this,” she told him.

Derpy landed next to Scootaloo and Dinky, and hugged the two fillies. “Scootaloo, Dinky, I want you to remember always that I love you very much,” she said. “But right now, I need you to do one thing. Look in my eyes.”

Scootaloo looked at Derpy. The mare’s eyes focused on her. Scootaloo focused on her eyes, staring, staring, staring....

“Wake up, Scootaloo.”

Scootaloo’s eyes fluttered open. Derpy was gently nudging her awake. Next to her, Dinky was also stirring. Scootaloo looked up at the sky; it was already mid-afternoon.

Scootaloo panicked, looking for signs of that horrible monster. But there was no monster, and neither Pinkie Pie nor those strange ponies were present.

Derpy wrapped a wing around Scootaloo. “It was just a dream. You’re safe.”

“But it was there! It destroyed everything and....”

“Destroyed what, sweetie?”

Scootaloo looked around. The vast swath of the Everfree Forest she saw reduced to dust? It was still there.

“Let’s go home. It’s a beautiful day, and it would be a shame to waste it sleeping,” Derpy said.

“Okay,” Scootaloo said, donning her helmet. She hopped on her scooter. “Come on, Dinky, let’s go.”

Dinky put on her old helmet and stood behind Scootaloo. Scootaloo looked back, making sure Dinky was secure. And that’s when she noticed something.

There was a square patch of flattened grass behind her, exactly the size of the oven she saw Pinkie Pie using. A shiver ran down her spine, followed by an itching sensation. Scootaloo scratched her back and fluttered her wings.

A bit of chalky white powder drifted to the ground.

“Uh, Derpy?” Scootaloo said.

“Yes?”

“I just realized something. You have the most important job of all.”

Derpy raised an eyebrow.

“You’re taking care of Dinky,” Scootaloo said. Behind her, Dinky smiled.

Derpy stared at Scootaloo, who motioned to the flattened patch of grass. “You also need to be ready to make muffins. And because you have this important job, one that only you, or maybe Pinkie Pie, could do, I can’t ask you to be my mother, too. I’m sorry.”

Dinky sniffed. “But you’re the best big sister, Scootaloo!”

“Sorry, Dinky,” she said.

Derpy pulled her two little muffins into an embrace one last time. “I understand, Scootaloo. I hope you find the right family for you.”

Together, the three ponies returned to town. With all of Ponyville before her, Scootaloo believed more than ever that, somewhere, there was a normal family for her.

Author's Notes:

This chapter is a crossover with the current story line from Magic: the Gathering, with Derpy and Pinkie Pie as planeswalkers borrowed from FanOfMostEverything's Elementals of Harmony. Things will be back to normal next chapter, with another background pony.

And in keeping with FoME's tradition, here's a card.

Oath of Pinkie 3B

Legendary Enchantment

When Oath of Pinkie enters the battlefield, each opponent loses 2 life. You gain life equal to the life lost that way.

Whenever a source an opponent controls deals damage to a planeswalker you control, that player loses 1 life. Put a loyalty counter on that planeswalker.

"So that everypony in the Multiverse can smile smile smile, I will keep watch."