Symph was walking through Bill’s castle, whistling cheerfully to himself. Bill was out running errands, Faust knows what those could be, and he had the whole place to himself. To top it off, he’d had such a wonderful time with Zerlinda on Hearts and Hooves Day that he seemed to be in a perpetually good mood.

As he passed by the throne room, Symph heard a weird whooshing sound, followed swiftly by a series of violent coughing. Curious, Symph entered the throne room to find Bill there, coughing violently with his suit and top hat covered in what Symph recognized as volcanic soot and burned holes.

“Cough, cough Hey, Symph. I think I just learned a cough downside of having a physical human form,” said Bill. “cough, hack Volcanic soot really does a number on the lungs. Don’t take up smoking, k-kids.”

Symph raised an eyebrow. “What happened to you? Get caught in a fire?”

“In a-cough, hack- manner of speaking. Hang on a second,” said Bill before snapping his fingers, restoring his suit and causing a glass of water to appear in his hand, which he downed in one gulp. “That’s better,” he said, before tossing the glass over his shoulder. “Now, you were asking what happened to me?” Symph nodded. “Well, if you must know, I was investigating that volcano were one of the keys to my wife’s temple is.”

“Did you find anything?” asked Symph.

“Of course I did. I found a great big temple in there. And it doesn’t take an all-seeing eye to figure out that that’s probably where the key is,” explained Bill as he climbed up and lounged on his large black throne.

“So, did you get it?” asked Symph.

“Unfortunately, I couldn’t even get INSIDE the place. There’s some kind of magical barrier set up that needs a key of its own to lower. I’ve tried everything to get it open, leaving my body, hitting it with a blast the equivalent to 47 nukes, everything, but I can’t get it open.”

“Well, then, what’s the next move, boss?” asked Symph.

“The next move? Simple: we start looking for the guy who has the key to lower the barrier around that temple, and stop at nothing until we’ve found it. If we have to burn all of Equestria to the ground, we’ll do it. If we have to rip apart the very fabric of existence to get through that barrier, we’ll do it,” said Bill.

Symph was about to say something, but before he could say it, he was cut off by the sound of a pubescent male’s agony-filled screams. Symph frowned as he recognized the voice. “Isn’t that Dipper Pines’-” he started to say before Bill’s eye turned black and red and his arm stretched out to place a finger on his lips.

“Hush, sidekick. We don’t say Pine Tree’s name under this roof. Or his sister’s name. Or either of his Great-Uncles’ names. Or his redhead axe-flinging cashier girlfriend’s name. Or the names of anyone else on that accursed Zodiac Wheel. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?” said Bill, his voice turning dark and demonic.

“Yes, I understand,” said Symph unfazed.

“Good,” said Bill as his eye returned to normal and his arm shrank back to its normal length and he floated down from his throne. “Now, let’s go and see who’s at the door, shall we?”

Symph raised an eyebrow. “Dip-I mean, Pine Tree’s scream is your doorbell?” he asked Bill as they made their way towards the door.

“Oh, it’s not just Pine Tree’s scream that’s my doorbell. I also have Shooting Star, Fez Symbol, and Sixer’s screams too,” said Bill with a sinister smirk.

True to the dream demon’s word, the screams of a 12-year old girl and two different middle-aged men rang through the castle’s halls as Bill and Symph reached the door and opened it to find Pinkie Pie standing there.

“I think your doorbell’s scared of me. Everytime I press it, the poor thing screams bloody murder. I hate it when things scream bloody murder, it just makes me want to cry,” said Pinkie with a tear in her eye.

“Cut to the chase, Balloons. Why are you here?” asked Bill.

“Weeellllll… seeing as I haven’t thrown you a ‘Welcome To Ponyville’ Party yet, and since it would make for a great set-up for Spike and Rarity to confess their feelings for each other…” said Pinkie before she took a MASSIVE intake of breath.

“You are very cordially, cordially, cordially, you are very cordially invited to a party! And it will be a grand affair, grand affair, grand affair, and it will be a grand affair hosted by Pinkie! We do hope that you can come, you can come, you can come, we do hope that you can come to share in all the joy!” sang Pinkie as she hopped around like a demented rabbit.

Symph looked over at Bill, who seemed to be thinking about Pinkie’s invitation. Part of him hoped that he wasn’t going to shuffle the functions of every hole in Pinkie’s face.

Finally, after a moment, Bill spoke. “You know, Balloons… a party might actually sound like fun,” he said.

Pinkie Pie let out a squee of delight. “Awesome! The party starts at around 5:30 tonight at Sugarcube Corner, so I’ll see you guys then!” she said, before speeding off like a bullet from a rail gun.

Symph looked at Bill. “Why did you say yes to the party? I thought your number one priority was finding the key to that barrier at the Fire Temple,” he said.

“It is. But, I got a feeling about this party of Balloons’. And whenever I have a feeling about something, it usually pays off big time. Or, it gets a lot of people hurt. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to pick and appropriate outfit for the party,” said Bill before he snapped his fingers, causing him to warp from the Foyer to the Wardrobe Room.

“All right, let’s see here…” said Bill before clapping his hands once, causing a nearby wardrobe’s doors to fly open and shoot out a clothes and hat rack far longer than the wardrobe should’ve been able to fit. On this rack was massive variety of suits, tuxedos, and outfits, ranging from a minister’s black costume and a priest's white robes to a green and light blue version of the suit he was currently wearing, amongst other colors.

“Hmm… no, no, no, no, no, no,” muttered Bill as he sorted through the outfits. “Eh, you know what? I’m just gonna wear my usual suit. I mean, Joker the Hedgehog only added that bit with the clothes rack for the sake of adding a bunch of references to alternate versions of myself, just so he could play a little guessing game with the readers. Speaking of which, can we just cut to the party already?”

…

“Well, here we are,” said Symph as he and Bill appeared out of thin air just outside the front door of Sugarcube Corner several hours later, causing a few ponies outside to jump in fright.

“Well, then, what are we waiting for? Let’s get this party start-GAHHHRGH!” screamed Bill as he opened the door to the bakery and got an extremely loud earful of synthesized music from the subwoofers on Vinyl Scratch’s DJ Station. DJ PON-3 looked a little confused herself about the music she was putting on, as it was clearly not wubs. To Bill, it sounded like a mixture between nails on a chalkboard and a whistling teapot.

Princess Twilight and her friends, including a snickering Pinkie Pie, saw Bill’s distress and cautiously approached him. “Mr. Cipher? Are you okay?” Fluttershy asked.

“That… music… hurts! MAKE IT STOP!!!” screamed Bill, before unleashing a blast that completely ruined Vinyl’s Dj station. As Vinyl shot the dream demon a glare, Bill himself staggered into a nearby chair, completely drained.

“You better not be getting any ideas from this little incident Twilight, or else there’ll be Hell and/or Tartarus to pay,” warned Bill.

“W-what? Why would you think something like that?” said Twilight, turning bright red as she spoke.

“Oh, don’t lie to me, Twilight. I’m the Master of The Mind, it’s impossible to lie to me. You’re planning on trying to find a way to use synthesized music to keep me on a leash, as per Celestia’s request,” said Bill.

“N-no! I wouldn’t do that! Nor would Celestia ever ask me to do that! Especially not to someone who just wants to be reunited with his wife, even if he is all-powerful and is a little insane and has the potential to wipe out all of Equine existence,” said Twilight, looking from left to right with a very forced smile on her face.

“Uh-huh. You keep telling yourself that, Twilight. But me, you, Symph, and everyone else in your little posse know that Celestia wants me on a leash, any leash that you can find for me,” said Bill, snapping his fingers and summoning a plate of steak and strange fruits or vegetables and a mug labeled “Pine Tree’s Tears.” A bowl of Ramen noodles appeared in front of Symph.

“Eh, actually, I think this can wait for just a bit longer. I should probably fix up Vinyl’s DJ Station first,” said Bill, snapping his fingers and causing both his and Symph’s food to vanish. A second snap fixed Vinyl’s DJ Station, but left the record broken. “Ooh! I’ve got an idea! Anyone up for some karaoke? I’ll go first!”

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Karaoke? Seriously?” she said, unamused.

“Oh, don’t be such a party pooper, Dashie! I think it’s a great idea! Go on, Bill! Go talk to Vinyl!” said Pinkie.

“Glad you approve, Balloons,” said Bill as he walked up to DJ PON-3. “Say, Vinyl, I’ve got a song to play for a round of karaoke.”

“Seriously? You want me to play a song for you after you blew up my sound system?” Vinyl said angrily.

“Yeah, but I FIXED your sound system, didn’t I?” said Bill.

Vinyl sighed in defeat. “Fair point. What’s the song?” she said.

“I actually have it here in my pocket,” said Bill, reaching his hand into his pants pocket. “Let’s see here… book listing the Mane 6’s deepest, darkest, dirtiest, fears and secrets, ooh, might want to hang onto that… iPod Touch… YOUCH! MOUSETRAP! Old contracts… ah, here it is!” said Bill as he pulled out a vinyl record that looked way too big to fit in his pocket.

“Not even gonna ask…” DJ PON-3 muttered as she took the record from Bill. “‘deCIPHER by Madame Macabre (Bill Cipher Cover)?’” she read aloud in a confused sounding voice.

“Yeah, it’s one of my favorites back home. I had that record custom-made,” said Bill.

“Well… okay…” said Vinyl as she put on the record. At the same time, Bill snapped his fingers, transforming Sugarcube Corner’s interior into a concert hall or civic center. Bill himself appeared on the stage with a microphone in his hand as several colored staged lights shined on him and the music started.

“Hey kid, I know you can hear me. Hey kid, I know you can see. Hey kid, things are 'bout to get crazy. So just sit right there and you listen to me. I've seen more than you can imagine. I've heard things to torture your soul. Join me and we'll both get ahead kid. Shake my hand and then, we'll both have it all.”

As Bill started singing, the ponies in the room, who were baffled by what had just happened, looked towards the stage. A couple even started to tap their hooves in time with the music.

“Don't let go of this opportunity, 'Cause there's no guarantee it'll last. What say you little pal, have we got a deal? Haven't got all day so you'd best think fast!”

“Side with me kid, I'll have your back. Count me in when confidence is all you lack. Price is simple, rather sparing. Time is slipping, life is choices let's start living!

As Bill started to scat, more and more ponies started to groove with the music. Even Twilight was starting to tap her hoof in tune.

“You know you've always been different. They'll just drag you down don't you see? It's tough but you've got to be brave, they're just dead weight you gotta cut away to be free!”

“You know that they'll try to deceive you. Your hunches were right from the start. You don't have to sit and play good boy, take a stand and tear this world all apart!”

“Time draws short you've gotta make up your mind. I don't offer these things every day. Little tree how big that you could grow up. If you'll just say the word and you'll let me stay!”

It was at this point that everypony started jamming along to the music like they were seeing Sapphire Shores in concert or something along those lines.

“Side with me kid, I'll have your back. Count me in when confidence is all you lack. Price is simple, rather sparing. Time is slipping, life is choices, let's start living.”

As Bill started scatting again, he caught sight of a tall dark shadow lurking outside Sugarcube Corner, obviously attracted to his little show. And that shadow looked kind of familiar, too.

“Don't let go of this opportunity, 'cause there's no guarantee it'll last. What say you little pal have we got a deal? Haven't got all day so you'd best think fast!”

“Side with me kid, I'll have your back. Count me in when confidence is all you lack.Price is simple, rather sparing. Time is slipping, life is choices, let's start living!”

As Bill’s song came to a close, everyone inside Sugarcube Corner was cheering like they were at a rock concert or something. After taking a few bows, Bill snapped his fingers and returned the bakery to its original state as the ponies surrounded him, squealing and cheering his name.

Well, Bill, it looks like you’ve completely won them over, Bill thought to himself as he pushed his way through the crowd to go and meet up with the Mane 6 and Symph.

“Well, Mr. Cipher, I must admit, you have a tremendous singing voice… especially for a dead guy.”

Bill came to a halt and everyone in the room went quiet. Turning around Bill came face to face with the spirit of chaos himself, Discord. “Well well, look who finally decided to show his ugly mug.” Bill said as he floated up slightly.

With a small flash of light Symph appeared beside Bill and looked up, groaning as he saw who it was. “This is not going to end well for anyone.” Symph walked in between the two and sighed. “If you guys are gonna do this take it outside of Ponyville.”

“Oh, who's this little guy?” Discord asked teasingly while bending down to eye level. “You are just adorable, what's your name widdle guy?” Discord began pinching Symph's cheek.

“And the line has been crossed.” Symph said simply.

Outside the bakery two mares were walking by when they saw Discord flying through a wall and crashing outside of Ponyville.

Bill looked to Symph who had made a giant black fist to knock Discord away. “Go do your fight Bill, it's what the people want after all.” He said with ice in his voice.

“Geez, what nerve did he pull?”

“I hate being called cute.” Symph answered.

“You are cute though, you have to admit.” Bill was then knocked away to the same position as Discord who was pulling his face out of the ground. “Yeah...I should have known that would be his response.” Bill said as he got to his feet. “Damn, for a little guy he hits hard.” As the two reality warpers got their feet they stared each other down. “So, why did you show up anyway?”

“Other than to meet another bringer of chaos, I think you'll be interested in what I have around my neck.” Discord said as he motioned to a necklace he was wearing. It was a black wire with some kind of glowing key attached to it. “Know what this key is?”

“They key to your dream journal that you write about your fantasies of making out with Sunbutt in?” Bill joked.

“Why would I ever fantasise about that stuck up princess? I already have an Angel by my side.” Discord answered. “So no. This key is the key you need to reach the volcano temple, which holds the key to your wife's temple if I'm not mistaken.”

Bill's gaze hardened at the information given to him. “So...what is it you want from me for that key?” His voice was filled to the brim with anger.

“Bill Cipher, I challenge you to a duel!” Discord yelled as he snapped his fingers and made a fancy suit appear on his body with an old pistol in his hand. “Whoever wins shall be crowned King of Chaos! And as a bonus, if you win, I'll give you this little key here.” He added while poking the key.

Bill just glared at Discord, his body red and his eye glowing. “Alright fine! But even if I lose I'm taking that key from you!” Bill then cocked his cane like a shotgun. “And I'm not gonna lose. SIDEKICK!!!”

Symph popped into existence beside the enraged Bill. “I fixed the walls. And aren't you forgetting our bet? You're the sidekick.” Bill just glared at the unfazed Symph. “I'll give the boss roll back to you for now.” He said while looking over to Discord. “So, we're fighting then. That something I can get behind.”

“Oh no, this is going to be a fair fight, no outside help.” Discord stated.

“Well I'm not just going to sit this out.” Symph countered. “There are no rules in place here. You two literally defy any rules given to you, so I'm doing the same.”

Discord growled and then snapped his fingers, trying to teleport the young symbiote away, but had no effect. “Damnit. SCREWBALL!!!”

Symph suddenly groaned. “Oh no…”

The pink mare with the swirling eyes appeared on Discord’s shoulder. “You called daddy?”

Discord glared at Symph. “Show Black Butler Jr here what you're made of.” He instructed.

“I'm made of magic and flesh dad, I don't think anyone wants to see that.” Screwball joked.

“Just fight him while I deal with Bill.”

Bill looked to the groaning Symph. “What's wrong with you?”

“Screwball is my sister in another world.” Symph stated tiredly. “This fight is just gonna be awkward for me.”

“Relax, just...picture her in her underwear.”

“DEAR FAUST NO!!!”

“Hey, I was only trying to help,” said Bill with a shrug. “Oh, well, let’s start beating the living daylights out of them!”

As the four fighters charged at each other, yelling at the top of their lungs, Bill summoned his cane, which then turned into a katana, while Discord summoned... a balloon sword. Which Bill cut to shreds within seconds while Screwball and Symph engaged in a kung-fu battle.

“Oh, dear, my weapon appears to have been destroyed,” said Discord as he avoided Bill’s swings. “Fortunately, I have another one.”

On that note, Discord snapped his fingers and summoned a REALLY big sword, which he began swinging at Bill.

“Oh, AXOLOTL!” yelled Bill as he jumped out of the way of the sword’s blade. “Unfortunately for you, I can make my sword, and myself, bigger, too!”

And true to his word, Bill’s size increased to that of the Equestrian State Building in Manehattan. The giant reality warper then took his giant katana and began to slice the ground Discord was standing on… only for him to increase his size too.

“I grow rather tired of all this swordplay,” the giant draconequus said, discarding his sword. “How about we have some REAL fun, with a bit of chaos?”

Discord then snapped his fingers, causing his discarded sword to turn into a swarm of giant butterfly-bee crossbreeds, which then began attacking Bill.

“ARRGH! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE CUTENESS! IT BURNS!” screamed Bill. “All right, that’s it! Enough games!”

With that, Bill summoned a cream pie in his hand, which he threw at Discord hitting him smack in the face, blinding him long enough to start decking him with his cane before knocking self-proclaimed Master of Chaos to the ground and pointing a rocket launcher directly at his face.

“Boom, baby!” yelled Bill as he fired the rocket launcher, injuring Discord and leaving a MASSIVE crater around him.

Discord coughed as he pulled himself off of the ground, dusted off his suit and glared at Bill.

Meanwhile Symph stood still, his eyes moving slowly as he scanned the area, waiting for Screwball to strike. He felt a surge of energy dashing towards him and he dodged before shooting a tendril in the direction from where the blast had came, managing to strike Screwball in the shoulder.

He smirked and wrapped the tendril around her before repeatedly smashing her into the ground. He began spinning, causing Screwball to be whacked against the trees in the area before being thrown up into the air where Symph jumped up and roundhouse kicked her back down to the ground.

As he was about to land multiple pink clouds appeared in the area and shot black lighting at the symbiote. He dished the best he could but some stiles managed to land a hit.

When he wasn't looking Screwball summoned a lollipop and made it grow into a huge candy hammer which she spun for a second before bringing it down on Symph's head.

He held his head in pain as he turned around with an angry glare only to receive cotton candy being thrown at his face. He sighed as he tried to remove the sticky substance from his face only to have it explode. His head was entirely blown off, giving the illusion to Screwball that she had won.

“Well this was fun, but I want to help daddy now, see you in Tartarus~”

As she was about to float away she saw Symph regrowing his head with the black liquid that made up his body...and he was pissed. “No more games...no more clever weapons...no more holding back.”

His entire body turned black. He held out his arms and sent a wave of white energy across the battlefield. Time seemed to frees as everything within the battleground began to turn black and disoriented. A black dome began to form. Screwball looked down to see Symph with multiple tendrils sticking out of his back that were shooting up to form the dome.

Once it was complete the area was in complete blackness. The only light coming for the glitching White particles in the air. Looking back down to Symph she saw that two large tendrils were growing out if the ground beside him. He was hanging in the air slightly, the tendrils connected to the ceiling lifting him up. “Black Lagoon…” He said darkly, his eyes glowing white and his mouth disappearing.

“This isn't some kinda sex thing is it? I mean with the tendrils, the creepy setting and the creepy expression this just screams hentai to me. You're cute but I don't think it would work out between us long enough to get to this.” Screwball mocked.

“Mock me while you can...this place is where you take your last stand…”

On that last word, Symph launched his tendrils at Screwball, who barely flew out of the way in time, only to get nabbed by the second set of tendrils Symph sent her way and get slammed around on the ground hard enough that the ground actually cracked upon impact.

“Had enough?” growled Symph.

After she coughed up a little blood, Screwball looked up at Symph with a smirk on her face. “Is that… is that all you got?” she asked.

“You’ll regret saying that,” said Symph, launching four tendrils that grabbed Screwball by her arms and legs and began to pull. Grunting in pain, Screwball summoned her lollipop again and was able to cut herself loose and get in close. Swing for swing, Symph was able to block Screwball’s attacks, but wasn't able to get on the offensive. Until Screwball began to get tired and slow down her attacks, allowing Symph to knock the lollipop from her hands and a second hit knocked her to the ground or platform or whatever solid surface was beneath her injured body.

Battered and bruised, Screwball attempted to crawl away from the approaching symbiote as he began to chuckle darkly.

Back with Bill Cipher and Discord, Bill had Discord on his paw, claw, and knees, gasping for breath.

“Had enough?” asked Bill, aiming his katana-cane at Discord. “Ready to cough up that barrier key yet?”

Discord chuckled. “Well, you’ve certainly proven yourself in combat, I’ll say that much. Besides, this is hardly the last you’ll see of me… so, I suppose I can surrender this round to you,” he said, shrinking down to his regular size as Bill did the same.

“Smart move. But, before we get down to business, how about we save your daughter from my sidekick,” said Bill, pointing at the large black bubble that Screwball and Symph were inside.

“Quite right,” said Discord as he and Bill ran over to the bubble. Discord snapped his fingers, summoning a large needle. “Ready?” he asked Bill who raised his sword.

“Ready,” said Bill.

Together, the two masters of chaos stabbed the bubble with their respective pointy objects, and bit by bit, the bubble began to crack apart until finally, it burst in a white flash of light that knocked Bill and Discord off their feet and sent Symph and Screwball flying.

“Symph!” yelled Bill as he quickly got up and went to check on his unconscious sidekick.

“Screwball!” yelled Discord, doing the same for his daughter.

After several moments of shaking the two children, Bill and Discord looked at each other.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” asked Discord.

“Of course I am, I’m the Master of The Mind, remember?” said Bill.

With a nod, Discord slapped Screwball, who woke up with a dazed and confused look about her, while Bill slapped Symph who woke up and said, “Ow! What was that for?!”

“You’re okay,” said Bill, helping Symph to his feet.

“Screwy, are you okay? Come on, say something to your Daddy Discord!” said Discord, genuine concern in his voice.

“FINLAND!!!” yelled Screwball with a bit of a slur.

“It’s okay, we’ll get you home and get you patched up, okay?” said Discord.

“Ahem! Aren’t you forgetting something?” asked Bill.

“Huh? Oh, yes, here,” said Discord, tossing the Barrier Key to Bill.

Bill Cipher got the Fire Barrier Key! With it, he can lower the barrier around the Fire Temple and begins searching it for the first key to unlock his wife’s temple door! And yes, this is going to be a thing, so deal with it!

Bill put the Barrier Key in his pocket as and angry-looking Mane 6 and Spike stormed up to him, Discord, Symph, and Screwball.

“You two have a lot of work to do! You’ve all but destroyed Ponyville with your little duel!” snapped Twilight Sparkle.

“What are you talking about? We didn’t-oooooh,” said Bill as he gazed upon Ponyville, where the roofs of several buildings were caved in, almost all the windows were shattered, and the streets were divided by great fissures in the ground.

“Not only that, but you’ve hurt my Discord and my little Screwball!” snapped Fluttershy, before turning a bright red, realizing that she’d just let slip a pretty big secret.

The other Elements of Harmony stared at Fluttershy with expressions of shock and surprise. Finally, it was Rainbow Dash who was able to form the words.

“Wait, so Fluttershy, you and Discord… got it on?” she said in utter shock.

“Yeah, so? I’m allowed to fall in love with and have foals with whoever I want… not that my love life is any of your business,” said Fluttershy indignantly.

“Well, I’m happy for you, Fluttershy!” said Pinkie Pie with a huge grin. “Also, it would explain why you went on vacation for nine months. Weird length of time to spend in the Mareibbean.”

“Can we get back on track here? We can talk with Fluttershy about her love life later, if at all,” said Twilight. “After all, Ponyville’s been completely trashed-”

“Oh, has it, Twilight?” said Bill before he snapped his fingers, causing the fissures to close and the damaged buildings to fix themselves. “There. All better now. If there’s no issue, I think Symph and I will return to our castle for some din-din. So, I bid you farewell until the next chapter. Remember: reality is an illusion the universe is a hologram, you’re all a bunch of toys, BYYYEEEE!”

And with that, Bill Cipher and Symph vanished in a white flash, leaving a distortion behind.

…

Moments latter, Bill and Symph appeared in the dining room of their castle, where their food was waiting for them.

“Well, I’d say that was a pretty long chapter. Let’s eat!” said Bill as he and Symph sat down at the table.

A few moments of silence passed by, broken only by the clinking of silverware against porcelain dishes. Finally, Bill spoke up.

"Hey Symph?" Bill asked.

"Yes Cipher?"

"I was wondering, how did you and that girl meet, what was her name again?"

"Zerlinda."

"Yeah, Zerlinda! So, how'd you two meet?" Bill asked as he rested his elbows on the table to listen to the answer.

Symph smiled and looked up at the sky. "Well...it's a long story."

“Hmm… well, I wouldn’t mind hearing it, as would everyone who’s reading this story. But, for now, I think I know what Chapter 8 is going to be about,” said Bill, looking out the dining room window towards the volcano where the Fire Temple awaited.