The events of yesterday prolonged my repairs… again. This morning a knock at zero dark thirty interrupted my meditation. I left the cab of my ship and headed down the ramp and all the way to the back of the ship. I opened the back door to see Applejack standing there.

“Applejack? What are you doing here this early?” I asked.

“Sorry for waking you sugar cube,” she replied.

“I wasn’t sleeping.”

“Oh! Well I was wanderin' if ah could ask ya something?”

I know where this is headed… more distractions.

“And what would that be?” I said, being rather annoyed.

“If yah would be willing to help me out at the farm?” she asked.

‘Really?’ I mentally deadpanned.

I rolled my eyes, “Why? If I may ask?”

“Well ah saw what yah did with mah friends and I thought I’d just ask, but it’s alright if yer busy,” she said as she began to turn away. I could sense the sadness in her voice.

“Damn,” I deadpanned under my breath. “Applejack wait.”

She stopped to look at me.

“What do you need me to do?”

I’m making a stupid mistake… again.

She explained how she wanted me… of all people to help her with a harvest.

I’d rather put a bullet in my mouth then delay my repairs any longer. But I am an honorable warrior and I am willing to help… as much as I don’t want to.

“Here let me grab something. I have an idea,” I said as I walked back into my ship.

Applejack followed close behind. I went to my arsenal and grabbed my Tonkor Grenade launcher. Once I was done I placed it on my back and turned in my Soma. Let’s just say I had a really stupid idea. Once I was set we headed to her farm. As we walked she talked about her family. She asked if we had farms back on my planet… well that was a given… then again she didn’t know that. I told her what I could. I’m not an expert on farming.

She really didn’t like it when I got into modernization of my planet. Then again I didn’t either. She told me about her family and how her grandmother helped to settle Ponyville. I couldn’t believe that the place was so recent. As we approached the farm she opened the old wooden gate and we headed for the simple wooden home. The place was the spitting image of what was thought of back home. As we approached the house I could see one of the fillies from when I got here. She was cute in that little red bow of hers, nearby stood a tall red stallion with an orange mane and tail and he had a rather large apple for a cutie mark. Sitting in a rocking chair sat an older green mare with snow white hair.

“Mornin everypony,” said Applejack happily.

“Mornin AJ,” replied the young filly, “Oh! Yah brought Excalibur!”

“Howdy,” I said.

I’m not trying to act like them I say that often.

“Well Excalibur, let me introduce ya to the family,” said Applejack, “You already meet Apple Bloom,” she said as she pointed to the young filly.

“Oh you mean the alien catcher,” I said sarcastically.

She blushed at that remark, “Hehe… sorry about that.”

“It’s fine Apple Bloom,” I said. I looked at the large red stallion.

“That’s Big Mac,” she said.

What a fitting name… then again just about every name on this planet reflects their talent.

“Granny Smith, it’s time to wake up!” she said loudly.

Old mare… name of Granny Smith… is that considered stereotyping? I mean honestly.

“He wha!?” replied the old mare, “I’m commin'.”

She looked like she was on her last leg as she shakily rose from the wooden rocking chair. Slowly but surely she walked over to me and began to examine me. I watched her as she circled me and looked me up and down. Let me guess? This is where she starts judging me.

She looked at Applejack, “Applejack, are you sure this young wiper snapper can keep up with us?”

Nailed it.

“I can assure you Miss Smith that I can keep up. A farm is nothing compared to the things I’ve faced,” I said as I looked at the mare.

“If you say so,” she said obviously questioning my abilities.

“Here, let’s get yah started,” Applejack said.

She began to head toward one of the fields as the sun began to rise. After a few minutes of walking we stopped in the middle of an orchard.

I began to look around, “Okay, what do you want me to do?”

“I wanna see if you are what you say you are,” she said.

“What?”

“I wanna see if you put them muscles to good use."

“Are you looking for a stupid reason to get me shirtless?” I said sarcastically.

She blushed at the site, “N-No!”

Worth it.

“I’m kidding Applejack,” I said trying to reassure her.

“Uh… yeah, I knew that!”

Crap now I got two mares after me.

“So what do you want me to do?” I asked.

“I want to see you harvest this field,” she said coming down from her embarrassment.

“Ordis deploy an extractor,” I said.

“Yes Excalibur, deploying now.”

“What in tarnation are you doin?” asked Applejack.

I took my Tonkor off my back and remove the two grenades before placing the launcher back on my back. I put one grenade on my hip while I played with the other one. The nice thing about these grenades is that they can be programed to do various different tasks. One of them is concussive blasts. I opened the one in my hand, gave it a quarter turn before closing it. I placed the now armed grenade on my hip and did the same thing with the other. All while Applejack watched in awe. Once I was ready I grabbed my launcher and opened it, placing both grenades inside.

I held the weapon straight before lifting it to the sky.

Thunk!

I fired one grenade into the air. The small object flew through the air before exploding above the tree line. The sound of apples hitting the ground filled the air. After a couple of seconds the rapid thuds of the apples died off.

“Huh… I can’t believe that worked,” I said while lowering the weapon.

“What the hey was that about!?” scolded Applejack.

“I cheated,” I said as I looked at the angry orange mare.

“Why if you harmed my trees I’ll-”

“Applejack, I set the grenades to their concussion mode. When they explode they release a nonlethal blast,” I explained.

“Meaning?” asked Applejack while she raised an eyebrow and turned her head slightly.

She can’t be this stupid.

“It allows me to do shit like this,” I pointed the launcher at me feet and pulled the trigger.

The grenade hit the ground and immediately exploded, thus launching me 20 feet in the air. I used my glide ability to slowly descend to the ground. She stood there dumbfounded. While I let my ‘stupid’ action set in, I placed the launcher on my back and grabbed two more grenades and set them to concussion mode. Once they were set I grabbed the launcher and placed the grenades inside. I didn’t plan to use all of my grenades to harvest an orchard I just wanted to see what would happen.

“Applejack, this is your livelihood, do you honestly think that I would try and ruin it?”

“Well…”

“I have a reputation to uphold. Now this may not be how in envisioned this day to go, but I would never ruin someone that didn’t deserve it,” I said.

“You gotta-“ she looked past me, “What is that?”

I turned around to see a familiar extractor working its way toward me.

“Took that dumb thing long enough,” I said.

The large robot flew above the tree line before stopping in front of me. I grabbed it and turned it around. I opened the console on the back and began to give it orders. Instead of the usual resource list I have the thing programmed for, I set it for apples.

‘I’m really putting all this tech to good use,?' I though sarcastically.

Once the thing was set I released it. Immediately it went and gathered the fallen apples. Applejack watched in awe as the small red fruits disappeared into orange flakes and were sucked into the machine.

“So where do the apples go?” she asked.

I opened the screen in my palm and called the machine back. After a few seconds of waiting it stopped in front of me. I looked at it and gave it an order.

“Drop one apple,” I ordered.

Another small orange beam appeared. Directly underneath the extractor a small apple began to take shape. Within a few seconds the small fruit was ripe for the picking… jeez that was cheesy. Anyway, I bent over and grabbed the fruit and stood up while I tossed it in the air and turned to look at Applejack.

“Wow… how does it do that?” asked Applejack.

“Right, you weren’t there for my little explanation,” I said, “Resource collectors are designed to take resources, break them down to a molecular level and store them.”

“Molecular what now?”

Looks like they haven’t found molecules yet, does Twilight know that there are objects smaller then a grain of sand?

“Basically it takes it apart and reassembles it,” I said, trying to make it easier for her to understand.

“Ah… so how many can that thing hold?” she asked.

“Well... I’ve never tested the stupid thing on apples,” I turned to look at it, “At its current rate it looks like a few hundred,” I rubbed the spot on my helmet where my face would be, “I bet a few of these could handle the whole farm… then again that would put you out of a job.”

“Well ah don’t like the thought of some machine taking mah job,” she said with a hint of anger.

Good I didn’t want give these things away anyway, they take a lot to make and maintain. Damn things are bullet magnets. I don’t know why I keep them... oh wait yes I do... resources. Anyway I just wanted away to make this easier so that I could get back to my repairs.

“You know I could probably program the stupid thing to take apples right off the tree,” I paused, “Unless you don’t want me to do that?” I asked as I looked back at the orange mare.

“Well ah think that one day wouldn’t hurt,” she said hesitantly, “we’re behind on our harvest anyway.”

“Your call.”

She took a moment to think about it.

“Alright, do it,” she said.

“Alright,” I said as I turned back around to face the machine.

After a minute or two of programming I got the extractor set and let it loose for a test run. When it took the apples directly off the tree and nothing more with it, I let the little thing loose. Since Applejack didn’t need me to harvest a whole field we headed back to the farmhouse. We spent most all day doing chores. I never felt more like a six year old… and it’s been over 1000 years since I was six! Anyway, Applejack had me move crates of apples and do other chores. Some point though out the day the extractor alerted me that it was full. When I brought it over to the barn and brought it inside. I placed it over an empty cart and unloaded its contents.

It broke the cart.

Damn thing harvested half the field. Well if I ever need apples as a resource, I know what I’m sending. I released it again to finish its work. I still couldn’t figure out why I didn’t just say no to Applejack… or any of her friends for that matter. I guess it was the respect and willingness to help others that drove me to say yes.

I worked my ass off for the rest of the day. Well, with my increased endurance I never broke a sweat. Granny Smith and Applejack's brother Big Mac were impressed at my abilities… no real surprise. Granny Smith… after scolding me for about 20 or so minutes convinced me to have lunch and dinner. I won’t lie… she made a damn good apple pie. Once again I wasted another day… well… I guess it wasn’t all bad.

"Shot through the heart and you’re to blame… darling you give love a bad name!”

Decided to remove the bottom panels of the ship and see what I could find. Well it was more cut lines and broken wires. I don’t know how I wasn’t killed in that fight. With the engines blown and most of my hydraulic lines shot and electric lines severed... this ship is closer to being a bomb then a ship.

“Hey Excalibur!?”

Great what does Twilight want?

“Yes Twilight!?” I asked from under the ship.

“What is that noise!?” she asked.

“What? My music!?”

“Music? But where are the instruments and band ponies? Or a phonograph for that matter?” she asked as she began to look around.

“Actually, it’s coming from my music player,” I said as I walked out from under the ship.

“Music player?”

I walked back under the ship and grabbed the little video player that I modified to store and play music and removed it from the hull of the ship… gotta love magnets! Anyway, I stepped back out as I lowered the volume and showed her the screen.

“How is it doing that?” she asked.

“It’s stored on here digitally and it plays when I want it to,” I said.

There is no point in diving into its operation… she may be smart, but I know it will go over her head.

“So how did you fit the record in there?” she said as she pointed to the device.

“You know how sound is captured on a vinyl record?”

“Yeah.”

“Same principal."

“Ah…”

She looked at the screen to see the words Shot Through the Heart by Bon Jovi. She twitched her ears as she listened to the song.

“Shot though the heart and you’re to blame?” she said as she looked up at me, “I don’t get it.”

“It’s a song about love gone bad,” I replied.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s about a girl taking a man’s heart and playing with his emotions. He loved her and she put on a mask and used him.”

“That sounds terrible! Why would someone sing about that!?” she said in disbelief.

“People sing about everything,” I said.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” I bent over and placed the player on the ground, “Go ahead screw with the thing, just don’t break it.”

I could modify another one but it took me forever to download all my songs on it. I went back under the ship and looked in the new hole I made. I let out a heavy sigh as I crossed my arms.

“What the fuck am I going to do?” I mumbled to myself.

I hear a familiar song start playing. I walked back out to see Twilight looking at the little player. On the screen stood three familiar bearded faces with a rather good looking 33 Ford Coupe next to them. The music played as she listened closely. She scrunched her brow as her eyes darted from side to side as she try to understand. This planet was years if not decades away from the era of drugs, sex, and rock and roll. I stood there and watched her as she gave me a questionable glance every once and a while. Once the song finished I picked up the device and turned off the music.

“Cause every girls crazy for a sharp dressed man?” she asked.

“Simple… do you think someone is handsome when they dress up?” I asked.

She began to blush.

Take that as a yes.

I laughed at the adorable site… when did I get so soft?

“Anyway,” I turned back to my ship, “Most of the music I listen to has a meaning behind it,” I stepped underneath and up to the opening I made.

“Really? Like what kind of meanings?” she asked as she followed me.

Oh this will be fun.

“Drugs, sex, and rock and roll,” I answered truthfully.

“...D-did you say drugs and sex?”

I looked at her, “It was an awkward time… leave it at that,” I said with a chuckle while holding up my hand to accentuate my point.

“And you went through that?” she asked nervously.

I laughed a little, “No, no, I was born long after that era. But this music was still popular during my generation.”

“Oh… okay…” she sounded relieved.

“Anyway,” I turned back to the opening… again, “You’re obviously here for something?”

She perked up, “Well Pinkie invited us all out for a picnic and she wanted to see if you would like to come,” she said happily.

I began to fiddle with some of the lines, “Well Twilight as much as I’d like to-“

Pssssssss

I stood there feeling rather annoyed, “Petu... Well that oil lines shot.”

“Oh my! Excalibur, are you alright?” asked Twilight.

I began to wipe my face with my hands, “Yeah I’m fine,” I shook the oil off my hands and onto the ground.

She looked at the dark black liquid on the ground, “What is that stuff?”

“Oil. it’s used as a lubricant to make the ship run smoother,” I said as I wiped the remaining oil out of my eyes.

Oil had begun to leak out of the ship and onto the ground.

“You know what Twilight? Let me close off this line and I’ll be with you shortly,” I said.

“Really!?” she asked excitedly.

“Yes.”

I clamped the line, wiped the remaining oil from my face and hair. Now I know I have shields, but where’s the sense in using them when they are not needed. I went joined Twilight and her friends at one of the local fields; we sat and talked most of the afternoon away. But Twilight had a hard time with the concept of personal space. She wanted to be as close as she could to me. So I did what any man would do in that situation.

I played ignorant.

I know the concept of love… but I can’t return her feelings for various reasons. Once we were done, Twilight and I walked back to the library. I continued to remove panels and rubber oil lines while Twilight and I swapped stories. Next thing we knew it was night time.

Shshshshshshshs

“…”

Shshshshshshshs

“…”

Shshshshshshshshshshshshshshs

“What the hell is that?”

I turned to see Pinkie jumping and scratching at the wall of the library. After a second she began to look around frantically. I watched her with utter confusion.

“Hey! Where’d you go!?”

“Who is she talking to?” I said under my breath.

That’s when it hit me.

I looked at my right hand. I found a laser pointer in some of my tools and began to screw with the thing. What can I say it’s a laser pointer… they’re fun no matter who you are.

I smell stupid antics.

I held the thing up to my chest and turned it on. Within seconds Pinkie found the small red dot and began to chase it. I made the dot run along the ground as she chased it like a cat. I smiled as she ran after it. After she chased it around the ground some more I ran it up the wall of the library, just out of her reach. She scratched at the wall in a futile attempt to get the small dot. Within seconds Twilight opened the front door and walked outside and up to her pink friend.

“Pinkie, what are you doing?” she asked.

“Trying to catch that spec!” she said as she pointed to the dot.

Twilight looked up at the dot, “Really?”

“Yeah!” replied Pinkie as she began to jump after it.

I began to laugh under my breath.

I brought the dot down and in between the mares. Pinkie watched it with wide eyes as Twilight tried to examine it. Twilight looked down at it and brought a hoof up and over it. There is no way she’s that gullible? When she brought her hoof down I moved the dot. She jerked her head up in shock as she watched the dot.

I crawled the dot over to Twilight's hoof and made it creep up her body. She watched it as I snaked it up her foreleg, up her chest, on her neck, around her cheek and onto her nose. She watched it with crossed eyes while Pinkie stuck her rear in the air like she was about to pounce. She shook her rear twice and tackled Twilight; they rolled on the ground while I let the dot drop to the ground.

I withheld a laugh yet again.

As they sat on the ground Fluttershy came fluttering up.

“Girls, what are you doing?” she asked.

“Were trying to catch that spec!” replied Pinkie as she pointed to the red dot.

Fluttershy looked at the dot, then flew over to it and landed.

“Oh hello there,” she said with a happy tone.

I moved it away like it was scared.

“Oh nonono! Please come back?” she pleaded.

I made the dot move around some more. Fluttershy watched it while Twilight and Pinkie walked up and stood next to her. I made the dot zig zag and do circles before stopping it right in front of them. Being clever I began to write the words ‘c-a-t-c-h m-e’, in cursive. Twilight squinted her eyes as she watched the dot and mouthed each letter.

“Girls did you catch that?” she said as she looked at her friends.

“No,” they replied in unison.

“It said catch me!”

“Oh it’s on!” said Pinkie with a smile.

I began to move the dot quickly as the Yakety sax music played in my head. They continued to chase the dot as I moved it a various directions. I made loops, zig zags, and the like. I was trying so hard not to burst out laughing. After about a minute or two Rainbow, Applejack and Rarity walked by.

“Uh guys…” asked Rainbow, “what are you doing?”

“Were trying to get that spec,” replied Pinkie as she pointed to the red dot again.

“Why?” asked Rainbow.

“Because it’s fun!” replied Pinkie.

“Well, I’ve never seen anything like it before,” replied Twilight.

Oh yeah, no, she’s that gullible.

Rainbow flew down to get a better look at it. I gave her a second before moving it.

“Hey! Get back here!” she said as she began to fly after it.

I moved the dot around for a few seconds until I made go up Rarity’s leg and onto her side without her knowing. The rest of her friends continued to watch the dot.

“Rarity! It’s on you!” screamed Rainbow.

“EEEEEEEEKKKKKKK GET IT OFF!” she screamed in fright.

“I got it!” screamed Rainbow as she tackled Rarity.

“Rainbow Dash!” she scolded, “was that really necessary?”

“Well it’s off you isn’t it?”

“You didn’t need to tackle me to do it!” she scolded some more.

Worth it.

Dash began to look around, “Hey where’d it go!?”

The six mares began to look around. I slowly moved the dot out into the open where they could see it.

“There!” pointed Applejack.

They all watched the dot for a second until I began to move it… immediately they took chase. Once again I moved the dot along the ground. I was having a really, and I mean REALLY, hard time not laughing.

I screwed with them for about five more minutes until I moved the dot up the library and into the leaves where they ultimately lost it.

“Hey where’d it go!?” said Rainbow as she frantically looked for the dot.

I began to walk over as they continued to look high and low for the little red dot.

“What are you six up to?” I asked trying to be as nonchalant as I could.

“Excalibur, you didn’t happen to see a small red spec running around?” asked Twilight.

“You mean like that one?” I asked as I pointed high up the wall of the library.

“Where!!!?” they all said in unison as they turned around and looked up.

I turned on laser and pointed it high up the tree.

“There it is!” screamed Rainbow.

She shot after it but hit the wall like a brick before falling to the ground. All her friends watched as she fell, I tried not to laugh. I also made sure to turn off the laser before she could reach it.

“Owwwww,” mumbled Rainbow as she sat up and rubbed her head.

“Darn, you were so close,” I lied. I look up at the tree, “well it looks like the thing scurried off.”

“Awe,” replied everyone in unison.

I looked back the mares, “Eh, you’ll get it next time,” I began to walk away, “I’m so glad I was recording that,” I said under my breath as I headed back to my ship.

“Excalibur!” screamed Twilight in a panic.

“What!?” I said frantically as walked out from under the ship.

She ran up to me with a letter floating close behind.

“I have a letter from the princess!” she said as she hovered the letter over to me.

I took it from her grasp, ripped off the ribbon and began reading.

Dear Excalibur

You are needed in Canterlot immediately, I’ll explain when you get here.

Please hurry!

Signed Princess Celestia.

Author's Notes:

Laser pointers... my one weakness!