Sorry it took so long, the scavengers that I was tasked with guiding were idiots who couldn’t tell something of value even if it was coated in gold. So they kept me delayed there a little bit longer because I had to explain everything to them, what with me being the only ‘pre-Reckoning relic.’ Bunch of jackasses and dickwads.

I guess we’ll start with the question period as always, so ... who wants to go first?

You.

What would I do if I had to pilot that airship? Where the hell did you conceive of this question? Do you think that the entire crew would just drop dead at a moment's notice? Seriously … I worry about some of you and your weird as fuck minds. As for the question itself … well I would have to wing it. Literally, I wouldn’t have the time needed to learn how to do it, let alone know where they kept flight manuals … how about this: let’s just be glad that there are those who know how to fly still … in this world and Equestria.

Next question!

Are pony backpacks really that light? Were you here about three parts ago? No, anyone else more or less first timers? A few, alright, that’s not bad. You all have the basics of the story, yeah? Good, well as for that question, my speculation is that in order to allow pegasi to fly with their rather short wings, they either have one of two things. The first being highly unlikely, but still an option; very low bone density. That would mean they are more like birds than ponies.

Though I say highly unlikely, because their wings would still have to be larger for that to work right. As for the second option, I figure it’s got something to do with magic. While I have no clue on how it works, I can only speculate that they have some sort of innate magic that allows them to be extremely light compared to other ponies, while still having the strength and overall weight of a regular pony. While there are unknowns in that route, it is the best option that makes the most sense to me.

I’ll let you guys decide as to the right answer. Anyway, next question.

What was my reaction to Tempest and was I able to actually start something with her? Getting pretty nosey into my personal life, huh? Fine, I guess I asked for it. I’ll answer the second part first: sorta. I can’t explain anything more than that since it would ruin the story, mainly because it’s a later plot point. I’m already giving you too much as it is.

As for my reaction; well, I was a little weirded out by the ‘clinginess’ that she displayed, but honestly I didn’t really care too much I guess. It fell under the category of ‘to each their own’ and for the most part, I’m pretty decent about just shrugging off personality traits. For the most part. Honestly, she was a little more annoying with her forwardness then Candlelight and it often made me question how the fuck she had earned her rank. Still, facts are facts and she acted like that and was somehow and admiral. What can be done?

How about another question?

…

Fuck you.

Seriously, fuck you for wording that question like that. You’re a dickbag for such an insult. Do you know how badly I want to not answer your question, break some of your bones, then just toss you out? Really fucking badly, but that wouldn’t be right … you’re an asshole for abusing my morals.

If you didn’t hear his question, he essentially asked why I didn’t just give Tempest what she wanted, and then he proceeded to take a shot at my manhood. I’ll answer your insult now and say it’s more than you’ll ever have.

As for the part that is a legit question, I’m going to tell you this, and I’m sure I said this countless times. It had been many years since I was interested in pleasures of the body, so first off, sex isn’t as tempting as it used to be when I was younger. The second part is that I didn’t really see ponies as something that I wanted to stick my dick in. Sure, if you thought about it they could easily be attractive, but it wasn’t something that came to mind when looking at her. Hell, the only reason I made that deal was to hopefully cut back on the sexual advances. Kind of backfired, but it was still my reason for it.

I’m tempted to cut this short because of you, you know that … but once again, it isn’t right. So next question, I guess.

Why was I paying a fair amount of attention to the minotaur? Well, since you’re implying that I was contemplating the ways to kill him, I’ll have you know, the reason wasn’t anything like that. Honestly, it was more along the lines of the fact that he just drew my attention with his actions. While the rest were sitting down and eating, the minotaur was constantly out of his seat, talking in an animated way.

That, and it was the first time seeing a minotaur, so I was a little curious … mainly wondering why the hell he wasn’t wearing a shirt at a dinner with a massive amount of guests.

One last question; something quick please?

Any prior experience with cruises? Nope, first time for me. Well, I guess that’s actually false. See, prior to The Reckoning I had never been on a cruise, and as you already know, the breakdown of society more or less stops that from ever happening. But it isn’t the first time I had ever been on a ship for a long period of time, I mean I crossed the Atlantic for fuck’s sake. Though if I were to compare that, where I had to actively help out, to this relaxing thing? I honestly preferred the Equestrian version … minus the whole flying in a vehicle that should never had left the ground … water ...whatever!

Alright, done. No more questions.

Ahem. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

I woke from a nice dream that I crafted, one that actually didn’t involve memories, but instead a fantasy land that I read about back when you could mass produced-books for the public. For the longest period of time, I never actually read Lord of the Rings, but when I decided to give in and read the books after the movie, I loved them just as much. So the dream was essentially just me reliving the plot to that book.

There was no beeping of an alarm clock to wake me up, which meant my watch was dead or broken. No, instead I woke up because I had apparently forgotten to close the fucking curtain to the window in my room. That’s what I got for choosing one of the bedrooms that was right against the back of the ship.

So I tossed and turned for a bit, trying to grab more sleep, but it was all for not, as the light had a mind of its own … or at least that’s what it felt like. No doubt that Celestia could somehow do that, but there was no conceivable way that she was able to tell just what spot I was trying to sleep in.

With a heavy groan, I pulled myself from my bed, slipping off of it in a groggy state. Despite what you think, I was not hungover. Been a really long time since that happened … no, I was just starting to get used to decent beds. That was a bad thing, because that meant I would be a little ‘rusty’ upon returning to Earth, and I couldn’t have that. I needed to hone my skills … which made me wonder if there was a weight room on this ship … or if ponies had such things in general.

I decided that if anything, I would get in a nice little run around the perimeter of the ship’s deck. It was basically the size of a track field anyways. With my mind made up, I headed for the bathroom to wake myself up.

After about three minutes of clearing my head in the bathroom, I slipped my boots on, put my pistol in its holster, slid my shades down, and headed up to the deck. Yeah, I was wearing the same set of clothes, but let me tell you, that bathroom? It had a fucking cupboard full of body deodorants. I eventually found one that didn’t add much of any kind of smell but claimed to rid ponies of bad smells. So I utilized nearly the entire bottle on my clothes alone. Why not, I could always change to my other set the next day and I would be good.

I opened my door to the common area to find all the other doors closed and not a soul in the room. At first I was confused on what was going on, but when I looked out the window at the rear of the room, I noticed the most annoying thing … the sun was barely up. No fucking wonder no one was up! It was the crack of fucking dawn!

I was tempted to let out a scream of frustration, or should I say a venomous exclamation of ‘fuck’ in frustration. But no, I didn’t yell out, only because I knew it would wake the other two. So I decided to simply leave the room, my destination being the deck.

After the really short trip, I got to inhale the beautiful smell of fresh air. It was fucking amazing, since the air in Equestria just felt … fresher than the air back home. It’s impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t been able to compare the two, so I’m not going to try.

I looked around the deck to see that not a single soul was out there ... minus the guard that was standing right beside the door I just opened. And no, when I opened it, it didn’t hit him. The door swings inwards, so there was no chance of that.

I looked over to him, catching his quick glance at whoever just opened the door. I didn’t say anything at first, just standing there, hands on hips and a smirk on my face. It was a great day for a run!

“Question,” I said, obviously directing it at the guard. He turned to regard me before I continued. “Is there any issue with me using the deck as a running track?”

He looked confused at such a question, his brows furrowing in thought as to whether it was a safety issue or not. Eventually he gave his answer. “It shouldn’t be, sir, but don’t run too close to the railing. There aren’t enough active guards to catch you right now.”

“I don’t know if that is a fat joke, or …” I said, to which his eyes bugged out at the realization of what he said. He moved to apologize, but I patted him on his head before he could respond. With that, I slowly walked forward, reaching into my pants pocket to fish out my iPod. Did I mention I never let it leave my body? Well it’s true. I never let it leave.

I ran the earphones under my shirt and up to my ears, before blasting some running music and taking off in a decent jog.

…

Okay, but only one song, alright? The only question is what song do I show you from that playlist. Do you want really heavy, really fast, or more melodic but still darker?

Really fast it is!

Alright, here it is! Here’s your really fast song.

…

…

…

You liked it, didn’t you? Yeah, don’t lie to me, I could see most of you nodding your heads along with it. Kreator is a fucking amazing band, and is without a doubt my favourite band of all time. So many of their songs were just too fucking good. It’s unfortunate that that song was from three years prior to the Reckoning. They never got to release another album. Makes me hope that the band survived … maybe I have to go back to Germany and search for them. Though thinking about that idea, there is a good chance that even if I did find them, they wouldn’t be able to play because of their age.

Anyway, I managed to get a decent thirty-minute hard jog on the deck before I had to start running. Why did I choose to run, you may ask? Well I was greeted at the door on one of my laps by a recently awakened Tempest, who was giving me a massive smile.

Now, I know what I said to her the night before, but that didn’t mean I needed her to latch onto my back for an undetermined amount of time.

So I ran away, and she gave chase, thankfully on her hooves and not with her wings. That was a bonus for me, because I knew I was a decent long distance sprinter. She didn’t know that, which helped me put some distance between myself and her before she realized that I wasn’t going down easily. Unfortunately for me, when she came to said epiphany she decided to take to the air and chase me from there. So my running routine turned into a game of open area cat and mouse. Her doing swooping attacks to try and grapple me, with me having to dodge and roll away from her. Was I ever glad I didn’t bring my M110 with me.

So picture this, me rolling around on the deck while trying to get back to my cabin. Her, flying above and swooping down on me with a large grin, all the while preventing me from moving towards the cabin.

Now imagine us doing this for some time. By some time, I mean my music was still playing and I had to have been the third of at least an hour worth of songs at that point. It was taking fucking forever just to make it halfway with my dodge and roll tactics.

On one of them, I managed to get a glimpse of my target, only to see about a dozen sailors sitting and watching. Hell, they were probably taking bets on who would win. I almost lost in that brief moment of thought, her hooves just grazing my back as she swept down to do whatever she was trying to do.

Yeah, no shit, genius, she was trying to latch onto me. If you had just waited, you’d have realized I was going to say that! Some people just can’t let you tell a story … .

Anyway, it took roughly five more minutes of me rolling around before I came to a decision. I could take this one of two ways … I could hopefully react quick enough to grab a hoof as she swooped by, then fling her and run. Or I could give up and let her latch on again. While the first option was tempting, it reminded me of the Cadence incident and how she didn’t open her wings up in a moment of surprise. While I doubt a trained Admiral wouldn’t fall for that, I wasn’t going to take the chances of possibly throwing her into a wall or over the edge.

So after one more roll, I stood up and turned my back to her. Next thing I know I’m tumbling head over heels a few times, a weight clinging to my back. Despite the moments of minor pain, I just sighed as we came to a stop. What better way to finish than with me on my stomach and a bat pony clinging to my back?

“That was fun! We should do it again!” Tempest said from behind me.

“I still don’t understand how you’re an admiral … especially when you act like this,” I replied, still laying there.

“We all have our quirks, mine just happens to be hot stallions! Or human, in this case. Lighten up!” she said before nuzzling into my back again.

“You are weird … so fucking weird,” I muttered as I pushed myself up. Well, as long as she didn’t do this the entire day, I’d be fine. I mean, she’d have to get off my back to actually work. No doubt there was paperwork and the like to fill out, or something that required her to leave. “Do you plan on staying there all day?”

“As long as I can, you’re just so comfy!” she replied in earnest.

“How am I comfy? I’ve got almost no fat on me,” I deadpanned. That didn’t dissuade her, though.

“I know! I love all of the muscles you have! They’re just so comfy!” she replied.

“That doesn’t make sense, you know.”

“It doesn’t need to,” she said before nipping my ear, forcing me to jump slightly, not at all ready for the nip. After a few seconds, I just sighed and got back up, deciding that I might as well head back to my room for whatever reason. Sure she would be clinging to my back the entire time, but that didn’t mean much to me.

The guards that had gathered to watch our little display were doing their best not to hide their amusement, and they were doing a pretty damn decent job at it. Though I also noticed that a few of them were changing bags around, probably the wagers that they had placed while I was dodging for my life.

I just let it go with a shake of my head before heading back down into the ship, intent on lying face down on the couch or something. Tiredness was actually starting to creep up on me more and more, an odd thing because until then, I hardly felt such a thing as exhaustion. My life had me always focusing on other things, but then … I didn’t usually have the luxury of having such a thing to focus on.

So when I entered my room, I didn’t even bother to look and see if the other two were up. I just decided to pull another faceplant into the couch, almost swift enough to catch Tempest’s hooves under me. That mare was fucking quick. When I impacted the couch, she managed to do some quick thinking and landed back on top of me, ensuring her hooves weren’t pinned.

You can only imagine the sight when I heard one of the separate rooms open up, the soft clicking of talons on wood coming to an instant halt. I think it was a few moments before there was a reaction to my situation.

“What the buck did I miss?” she asked, more than a little confusion lacing her voice.

“The death of my soul,” I muttered from my spot on the couch. That earned absolutely no response from Gilda. Unfortunately, Tempest filled in the missing words.

“He’s just mad that I caught him,” she said from whatever position she had on my back. I just sighed, wanting to rub my temples in annoyance.

Despite what I tell you, it wasn’t all that bad. I’m being a little dramatic for the sake of being dramatic, but in all reality, I never felt any animosity towards her, minus that one part before supper. Otherwise, I didn’t really care if she wanted to do what she did. If I had given a fuck, I could have easily told her to stop doing it right then and there, but I didn’t … so that should obviously mean I really didn’t mind all that much.

I’m still telling you what was going through my mind though, and I have not lied about that so far.

“You didn’t catch me, I gave up because I was starting to ache,” I replied, actually managing to reach a hand up and rub my temples, despite being mostly pinned by the light bat pony. “I’m not a young guy anymore.”

“Don’t be silly, boo, you’re probably younger than me,” she said with an air of almost certainty. I wanted to laugh a little, truly I did, but instead I didn’t. Why? I just didn’t, because it wasn’t something that funny. She was giving me one hell of compliment. I didn’t want to ruin it.

“Unless you’re forty-some, then I doubt you’re older than this dweeb,” Gilda replied nonchalantly before making a few clicking sounds from her walking somewhere. I didn’t know what she did, but the clicking sounds stopped. Either she left or got up onto the couch, but that’s not important, is it?

“Forty!?” Tempest shouted, more than a little shocked apparently. Hell, she even stood up from her lounging position, and by sheer luck her hooves managed to hit a spot in my back. Said spot gave a nice little pop, causing me to groan in brief pain before it felt blissful. It made me rethink keeping her at bay … she had a knack for massage without even knowing it.

I didn’t give a response, and instead just groaned from the great pleasure that pop brought forth. So she took up the mantle of continuing the conversation. “Is that true? Are you actually forty?”

“Yeah … why does that matter?” I asked, finally getting over that pop, though hoping she would shift and do it again. My prayers were answered as she took two steps up my back, in order to get closer to me. Two perfect steps, one un-knotting a muscle, the other hitting a spot between my shoulder blades that I could never crack.

I think she wanted to say something, but the words were caught in her throat. Well that’s at least what I thought was happening, since I couldn’t actually see her. There was a period of long silence before she finally spoke. “It’s just, I’m not used to somepony I’m interested in being that much older …”

I honestly didn’t see the issue. Age differences were hardly uncommon back home. Trust me, it was way worse when money really meant something, back before The Reckoning. Now you don’t see it as much because there are very few that are actually rich … moving on.

For her it must have been a big deal because she sat down on my back, causing it to pop again. I think Gilda must have been amused at what was happening, because not a word was said around the room until Trixie came barging into the area. Well, not really barging, but she did fling the main doors open faster than what should have been done.

“Did Trixie miss something?” she asked before I felt Tempest’s weight lift from my back. I waited for a second before flipping around to see Trixie and Gilda staring at the open doors that I assumed Tempest had bolted through, since she was nowhere to be found. Trixie looked at me after a moment before finally saying, “It seems Trixie missed something.”

“Huh,” was all I managed to say, though Gilda was snickering behind her talon. I shot her a glance to which I received an eye roll that might as well have said ‘get the fuck over it.’ I didn’t know why, really, but I actually felt a little concerned for her. Whatever her reason for leaving was, the main culprit most likely being the age thing, I felt bad that she had to go … and that she wasn’t giving me an accidental massage.

Eventually I pulled myself up from the couch, smoothing out my shirt and beard before looking over at that girls, who were just staring at me once more. Trixie did so with a confused expression and Gilda with her typical smirk. I just sighed as usual before speaking.

“Breakfast being served yet?”

“Trixie just came from the dining hall. It should be ready by now,” she said before turning and walking out of the room. I followed suit and cat-bird followed behind me. I stayed silent while Trixie talked about breakfast. “Trixie hopes that they have a better selection than last time Trixie was on the Daedalus. They hardly had any selection of rolled oats, and their wheatcakes tasted stale. Perhaps it was because Trixie was in regular class, and didn’t have the luxury of the Royal Room.”

I stopped in my tracks, remembering what that sailor had said when he first showed us to our room. I then turned around and started to head back to the room.

“Yo, dweeb, where are you going?” Gilda asked.

“Trixie is curious too!” Trixie chimed in, apparently wanting to be a part of whatever was happening. I don’t know, that’s just what I assumed was why she said that.

“We can get fucking room service! Screw the dining room!” I shouted over my shoulder before continuing back to the room. I was eventually followed by the sounds of clicks and clops, the other two realizing that we had access to such a thing.

When I reached the room, I looked over to the wall to see an intricate piece of rope hanging from the ceiling, it obviously had a connection somewhere above. It was what the sailor pointed at when explaining the room service … so I gave that piece of rope a vicious yank, hearing a series of small chimes from above.

Nothing happened for a moment before I took grasp of the rope again. Just as I did, a faint sound of ‘clops’ came from down the hallway. The same sound a pony makes when running. Without a moment to spare, a panting waiter arrived at the door, barely skidding to a halt in front of the door.

Said waiter was a light blue in colour, and was a pegasus pony. The mane was a darker blue if you care about descriptions.

I looked at him for a moment before giving a series of claps at the amazing speed that the pony had pulled off. Sure, I had no idea where he came from, but damn if that wasn’t prompt service. “Damn you’re quick.”

“I try, sir,” he said in between pants. He might have been fast, but he was still out of shape. Eventually he caught his breath enough to ask, “What can I help you with?”

“Breakfast?” I asked, hoping that he wouldn’t need a more succinct answer. I mean, that should have been clear enough.

“Ah, yes! Do you have any choices of dishes?” he asked, regaining his waiter form instantly. I couldn’t tell if this pony was a pro at his job or a slacker. I’m going with pro … only because he brought us food.

“Trixie will take a bowl of your best rolled oats. Three wheatcakes, and a hard-boiled egg,” she said from her spot on the couch. Yeah, I forgot to mention that Gilda and Trixie took seats on the couches while I yanked on the rope.

“Excellent choices, and for you, madam?” he said, motioning to Gilda who scowled at the title. That’s my cat-bird.

“Got sausage? Or bacon?” Gilda asked in her blunt way.

“We do indeed have such delicacies,” the waiter said, not even flinching at the choice of food.

“Sweet! Four wheatcakes and a bunch of sausage,” Gilda replied with a smirk.

“Superb choices, and for you, sir?”

“What are wheatcakes?” I asked, a little curious.

“They are a wheat-based saucer that are crisped to a very light brown. They are excellent with syrup and butter,” he answered in that extremely professional manner, despite probably answering a basic question.

“Ah … wheat based pancakes. If only they weren’t so heavily … well, wheat-based. Damn … how about French toast with the toast being substituted for waffles?” I asked, going for my backup plan.

“French toast? Do you perhaps mean Prench toast?” he offered, causing me to bury my face in my palm and groan deeply. It was a cleverly disguised horse pun … so fucking cleverly disguised I wanted to head back to Celestia and Luna, then slap them for allowing it to happen. I never got the chance when I was there … but so help me, if by some fucking chance that I find myself back in that world … I’m going to slap them so hard on those cutie marks that my hand will be their new special talent … or something like that … .

It was fucking funnier in my head, alright!? Christ!

“Yeah, sure. Though have it done with waffles. Oh, and throw in some bacon strips if you have them … the low fat type if possible,” I replied, to which he nodded before bowing … then taking off like a fucking bullet down the hallway. I almost forgot to order to drinks, so I stuck my head out and called after him. “And bring some orange juice or something!”

At the time, I could only hope that he’d heard me yell that at him, I mean it was possible to eat breakfast without a drink, but I’ve never been able to properly enjoy a meal that way … always needed a drink to help wash down the food.

I proceeded to pull one chair over to the low-lying table, well—low lying for me. It was a good height for a pony if they sat on the ground or something. I sat down and let out another sigh, making sure to keep on pace for my sigh count for the day. It had been a hectic and weird morning, and it was only the fucking morning of the first full day! I had another full day to go before we’d be in Tayros … I was going to be bored out of my fucking skull.

The room was rather quiet; Trixie was entertaining herself with another book that I had no clue on the topic or for that matter, where she got it from and where she stored it. I didn’t bother to ask, deciding not to be nosey. Gilda, on the other hand, was lying on the couch while looking up at the wooden ceiling.

“You look bored,” I said to her. She rolled her eyes before turning around to look at me.

“And you’re not? I mean, sure you’re running around with leather wings there, but I can see it in your eyes, dweeb. You’re just as bored,” she said with a triumphant smirk, looking as though she had just won some sort of contest or something.

“Never said I wasn’t bored, cat-bird, just pointing out that you look bored,” I replied, keeping my hands up in a defensive gesture, showing her that I meant nothing by it. Didn’t want to start anything when there was going to be breakfast soon.

“Yeah ... well …” she said, trying to think of something to say in response, hoping to figure out some sort of snappy comeback, but it appeared to fall off the tip of her tongue, or however that saying goes.

“It’s too early to drink myself into a stupor … nothing to practice my shooting at … nor do I want to waste any more rounds than I need to. Hmm … not really interested in wandering the ship aimlessly, we’re going to enjoy enough of that in Tayros. Honestly, I’ve got nothing,” I replied, leaning back in the chair, bringing my hands together in a steeple then placing them at my mouth, one leg crossing over the other. Had to utilize my deep thinking position to hopefully find something to do.

“Well I know that I’m going to go for a flight after I eat. Can’t let food make me weak,” Gilda replied before stretching out her wings as if to show something. The meaning was lost on me.

I looked over at Trixie to see if she was going to chime in, but instead she had her nose buried in the book still, not even paying attention to us. I was tempted to ask her what she was reading, yet at the same time I truly didn’t give enough fucks because it was most likely something of little importance to me.

And don’t ask if it actually was, because I can tell you right here that no … as far as I know, the book played absolutely no role in my experience in Equestria.

Moving on!

“Honestly I can’t decide if I’d rather have your wings or unicorn magic ability,” I muttered, kind of keeping it on topic.

“Duh, the answer is obviously wings. Only those with wings can fly, and flying is the only way to go,” Gilda replied as though it was a known fact. To her maybe, but that didn’t change one thing.

“I bet you that magic could make wings for you to fly with,” I shot back with a smirk. She glared at me before looking over to Trixie, who hadn’t even heard a word of our conversation. Eventually Gilda let out a small cough to draw the blue mare’s attention to us. Eventually Trixie looked up at us, undoubtedly wondering why we were looking at her.

“What did Trixie miss?”

“Can magic create a pair of wings?” I asked, no sarcasm or anything this time.

“According to Twilight Sparkle, they can. Trixie has never seen such a spell, but she trusts the word of Twilight Sparkle,” the blue mare replied before she scowled at us. “Can Trixie go back to reading now?”

“Yeah go ahead, see, Gilda! Told you. Back to square one in my dilemma.”

“Whatever, wings are the only way to go,” Gilda replied with a scoff, not relenting on her view, though I could understand why she had it. I mean she had wings, so of course she was going to believe that it was the only way to go. Sure, there was probably those who didn’t feel the same way and they had wings, but I doubt they were that large of a group; but what do I know anyway, huh?

Eventually, after a few moments of silence, a knock at the door heralded the one thing I was hoping for. Breakfast, obviously.

I opened the door to see three waiters standing outside, the one from earlier was there, along with two unicorn waiters, or waitresses since they were female. I opened the second door and allowed them into the room.

“Just on the table in between the couches,” I told them before following them in.

They didn’t even utter a peep as the unicorns floated our meals over to their respective places, apparently knowing who’s was who’s even though they hadn’t been here when we ordered. Yeah, I was definitely going with the professional angle to these waiters. They definitely knew what they were doing, and they even remembered to bring a pitcher of orange juice and three glasses!

Fucking bonus.

“Here is your food, madams and sir,” the male waiter said with a small bow, while the other two left the room. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

I was going to ask for utensils, not seeing them when the food was brought in, but I heard the small, yet horrible scrape of a knife against a plate. I shuddered slightly before looking back at the waiter. “Do you know when the bar opens? And for that matter, where it is?”

“The bar is located on the same level of the dining room, just a little ways past it. As for when it opens, it should be open around noon,” he replied in a serious tone that befit someone doing their job like a damned professional.

“Thanks, that’s all, I think. Food looks excellent by the way,” I said before looking over my shoulder to see Gilda devouring another piece of sausage. “I think they agree as well. Send my compliments to the chef … if they mean anything.”

“Will do, have a good day, sir,” he said before turning and heading out the door, closing it with him. I smiled lightly before heading over to my spot just in time to catch Gilda reaching over with a fork to try and steal a piece of bacon.

“Up-up-up! Touch my food and you won’t be flying today,” I said as I smacked her hand away from my plate. She gave me a glare before a light growl came out of her beak. That surprised me slightly, but I’m not one to back down. “Don’t you growl at me, missy, or I’ll have to spank some manners into you.”

I think I broke Gilda temporarily, because she gawked at me with what looked like a small blush forming under her feathers. How that worked I don’t know, but eventually that shocked face turned into a scowl. “Don’t you even think of touching me!”

“Then stay away from my bacon! Only I can devour such a gift from the gods! So it has been written, so it shall be done!” I said, utilizing a fork to point at her, emphasizing my point … hopefully. She looked at me for a moment before backing down with a smirk.

“Like you could even wrestle me down to do that,” she said in a mocking manner. I was tempted to do so right there just to prove that the old man could still fight with the best! Yet as tempted as I was, I still had a plate of food that needed to be eaten before I could show Gilda the what for!

I just glared at her the entire time I ate my delicious French toast waffles and bacon. Yes, the entire time. I didn’t even look down at my plate because I instead brought my plate up to my face in order to cut my food so I keep staring at Gilda. Let me tell you, it’s tough to cut food while having one hand full due to carrying the plate. I managed though, and all the while I was making Gilda more than a little uncomfortable.

I could tell, because every once and awhile she would look up to see me staring at her, then her eyes would dart away. My evil glare had a limit … and that was when my stubbornness wore out. That means I could have kept it up for hours if I really wanted to. One of the great things about being a stubborn old fuck.

Eventually I finished my food, still glaring at Gilda, even though she had shifted down the couch after she finished her food. Before I tell you more about my intense staring, let me say, just like the castle, the food was fucking good.

Hell, the meal the previous night was good as well, but I didn’t really take the time to savour it. This breakfast I took said time, eating my food slowly, still staring at the cat-bird. The French toast waffles were delicious, the syrup having just the right amount of sugar to it, while also having that thick syrupy taste to it. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had somehow drained it from a tree that very morning, since it tasted that fucking fresh!

The bacon was pretty damn good, though admittedly my taste-testing for meat other than steak was a little rougher. My heart yearned for steak more than any other type of meat, so … yeah.

Anyway, when I was finished, I kept staring at Gilda to the point where she was starting to really feel uncomfortable. She even started to fidget a little as she withered under my glare, which was a little bit of a surprise, considering just how fierce she normally is. Just went to show that she wasn’t just a hard griffon, and that she had a softer side beneath all of those layers.

“Why the buck are you still staring at me!?” she shrieked, finally snapping under the pressure of my stare. Her breathing had increased.

I held it for a few more moments, before finally speaking. “What time is it?”

Once again I think she snapped, though this time she became completely unresponsive, just staring at me with the same expression she had when she yelled. I had really done a number on her, even if it was unintentional. Hell, she didn’t even respond when I waved a hand in front of her face. So I turned to Trixie.

“What time is it?” I asked the blue mare that had her nose in that book still. She managed to take it out long enough to look out of the window of the common room.

After a moment, she turned back to regard me. “It seems that it is nearing noon. We apparently had a late lunch.”

“Sweet, that means the bar is almost open! I wonder if I can find another pony to challenge to a drinking contest … would be a great way to earn bits and kill time,” I said, scratching my beard in thought. I would have scratched my chin, but … well …

I got up out of my seat, stretching slightly, causing a few pops in my back to ring out around the room. When the third one came, it apparently snapped Gilda out of her stupor. She looked at me with eyes that could have killed.

“Run, monkey … run fast,” she said as she got up from her couch, preparing to pounce or something. I simply raised an eyebrow at her at first, but then I realized that those sharp talons would not be fun to wrestle against. So carefully I backed out of the room, barely managing to open the door while still facing her.

“Just for your information, I was leaving anyway … and you’re not that scary,” I said before slamming the door, just to hear a thud against it shortly afterwards. Sure I wanted to peek inside and see if all was alright, but I knew better than to chance it.

Besides, I now had better things to do, namely finding the bar. As I remembered, the last one I saw on the ship was on the deck, but that would be presumptuous to assume that they only had that single bar. Still, I could at least head to the deck and ask about the bar from the guard that I knew would be guarding the door.

So I strode to the deck, opening the door and once more basking in the beautiful warm sunlight that was gracing the deck. Hell, if I wasn’t such a bad tanner then I would have just laid down and napped in the sun. Instead, I just took a deep breath before turning to the guard that was beside the door. “You know where the bar is?”

“Which one, sir? Deck one, or the one inside?” he responded with the typical military curtness, or was it navy curtness? Honestly you can’t assume which one is being used.

I mean I had a friend in the marines who would often point that out that if I used ‘military’ as the general term for referring to them then I was fucking wrong. It makes it confusing as fuck for sure.

“Which one is currently open?” I answered, immediately regretting the decision to ask the question because it made me look like a fucking idiot. I mean I could have just turned around to see that the deck bar was open, but nope, I had to ask the guard. All of the lack of action and danger was making my sense go dull. If I didn’t get into some hostile lands soon enough I bet my shooting would be the next to go.

“Both, sir,” he said with an ‘are you shitting me’ type of grin. I didn’t even respond as I had already buried my face into one of my hands. Even the guard knew what that meant. So with a chuckle from the guard, I walked away and towards the direction of the bar. My mind was filled with so many thoughts … namely what drink I was going to order. Actually, that was the only thought on my mind.

Thankfully I had a little bit of time to decide, because there was another creature in front of me. Hell, it was that minotaur from the diner if I remembered right. Though I could easily be assuming that all minotaurs looked alike. Still, it would be interesting to talk to him and at least find out some stuff about them. I could imagine that there would be some sort of kinship between us considering that we are similar in many ways.

Eventually he left with his drink, heading over to a bench to sit down and drink it. I made up my mind to join him after I got my drink.

“Hey, back again?” the bartender asked, apparently recognizing me, though that wasn’t too tough considering I was rather damn unique here.

“You betcha, only liquids in my life are whiskey and blood now. Know what an Irish Car Bomb is?” I asked, somewhat regretting asking because there was no way in hell that they had such a thing,

“You mean a Neighrish Cart Bomb?” she asked, a little confused by my order. I simply lifted an eyebrow at her and hoped to hell she was joking, but no, instead she elaborated on it. “Neighrish whiskey in a shot glass, dropped into a glass of stout?”

“May I first say that your world is obsessed with puns. Secondly, that is exactly what I meant,” I said before sighing deeply and making a mental note to inflict some pain on Celestia for allowing such blatant copyrights of countries from my world as well as turning them into horrible horse puns.

“You look troubled; mare problems?” she asked as she got my drink. It was a relatively easy one but still took a moment to prepare. I looked at her with another raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, you could say that, but it’s only accurate since everyone in my life seems to be mares … or a gryphoness,” I said simply in return, not really bothering to clarify what I meant. I mean who would believe a random human, that they hardly even know about, if he said that he knew some of the most important mares in their country. I can tell you right now that I wouldn’t have given the time of day to such a person.

“Really now?” she asked inquisitively. From the little twinkle in her eyes, she wanted to try and be a good little bartender. I don’t mind such a thing for the most part, but this one seemed more interested in just learning what the human was going through.

So I more or less turned a cold shoulder and just pointed at my drink, which she was done preparing. She smiled sheepishly, obviously aware that I had caught her or something like that. She set the drinks on the counter, preparing to drop the shot glass in but I halted her, deciding to do it myself. Following a perfect shot glass drop, I took my drink and walked around for a second, pretending to look for a seat, despite the fact that many were open.

On one look around the deck I noticed that the minotaur stole a glance at me, so I figured that there was mutual interest in a sense. He’d learn about the strange creature on board, and I would learn more about where I was going. It would be a win-win, just had to get passed initial introductions and the like. I mean it’s kind of weird to just randomly sit at a table with another person when there were many other tables to sit at, yet at the same time some people would see it either as smart or just sociable. I never really thought of it too much, considering my loner-like personality prior to all of this interaction.

So I made my way over, standing just beside the table. “Mind if I sit?”

The minotaur looked up at me for a second before a large grin came to his face. “I have to say, Iron Will was curious when he would see you around!”

Oh god, it was like speaking to Trixie but in the form of a half-naked minotaur that looked like he was born in a gym. “Never seen a minotaur before, so figured I’d talk to you about Tayros.”

“Straight to the point, Iron Will approves. Never seen a minotaur, though? And here Iron Will assumed that you were but a runt, perhaps I can be wrong after all,” he said with a smirk on his face as he took a deep drink of his beer. I followed suit but took it slower, it wasn’t a contest or anything, after all.

“You’re not the first to assume I was a minotaur, that’s for sure. As you can see, I’m anything but, though,” I replied in kind.

He didn’t respond, instead just tipping his glass to me before taking another swig. The moment he put his beer down he looked at mine, the fact that it was still rather full apparently causing him to question it. I didn’t need to hear him ask before answering his question.

“Neighrish Cart Bomb, so a little more kick than yours. Besides, I like to savour my whiskey,” I said before taking a sip in turn.

He let loose a small laugh, the deepness causing a small amount of reverb, or at least it felt like it. “Iron Will approves of your choice, and I suppose that not everyone can drink like a minotaur. Now, I never caught your name.”

“Ryan, the only known human on the face of this world. Your name is Iron Will, is it not?”

“Astute guess! Iron Will’s the name and being a general badass is my game,” he said with another bellow of laughter. I chuckled along; the guy was a braggart but not the worst I had ever met.

“If you’re such a badass, why aren’t you swimming the sea to cross it?” I asked with a coy look and an obvious poke at what he said. A grin split his face at the well-intended gesture; he was not the first person I’ve met with that type of personality.

“Even Iron Will needs a break now and then, so I’m here instead,” he replied with that same smirk.

“Break from what?”

“Professions. Was a motivational speaker up until half a year ago, encouraging ponies to stand up for themselves and not back down. Unfortunately, Iron Will realized that my meanings were taken to an extreme extent too often. So instead I’m headed home to find another job,” he said with a little bit of sorrow tinging his voice, but other than that I couldn’t tell. His boisterous nature made it tough to hear emotions in his voice.

“What do you plan to do once back in Tayros?” I asked.

“Well Iron Will has many choices to fall back on. I, like almost all bulls, was drafted into the military for service. Despite the fact that we’ve not gone to war in a millennium, we Minotaurs still value strength in such ways. After that, Iron Will spent time working as a blacksmith until I found my calling as being a motivational speaker,” he answered, a little bit lost in the nostalgia he was reliving.

“Least you’ve got options to fall back on for a good job. Some aren’t as lucky,” I said before taking another sip. I was going to ask a question, but Iron Will beat me to it.

“Like you?” he said quickly, turning the conversation’s topic to me.

“Somewhat, yet not at all. I’ve got skills to fall back on in my world but I choose to do what I do,” I replied semi-cryptically, but I knew that it would easily lead him to asking what I did.

“And here Iron Will preferred the direct approach,” he said, implying his question without asking it. Told you I knew he was going to ask me about it.

“I think of myself as a hand for hire as well as a salvager. My world is a wasteland compared to this so why not help people while picking up pieces to help myself?” I responded while not going into too much detail. Keep it casual and not as fully informative as you can make it so as to not give away your hand to random people. It’s a nice rule to live by as well as use in card games.

“Iron Will supposes not,” he replied simply, not saying anything more. Perfect chance to flip the conversation again.

“So tell me about Tayros. First time going there, so I figured you’d be able to help out a ‘tourist’.” What other word could I have said? Tourist was accurate while not at the same time, since I was there to see sights, yet not there on vacation or anything like that.

“Humid and rocking, simple as that. Us minotaurs are welcoming in general but don’t get on our bad side, you wouldn’t like us when we’re angry,” he said with a rather grim looking smirk, as if daring me to see what would happen. Of course I had a better response that would leave him a little clueless.

“Do you triple in size and turn green?” I asked, which left him completely dumbfounded at what I asked. Why wouldn’t he? It probably makes little sense to some of you, so why would it make anymore sense to a minotaur from another world? His look of confusion told me to move on. “Don’t worry about it. Only real question I have is do they have a policy against openly carrying weapons?”

“‘Don’t start a fight, won’t be walking towards the light,’” he said simply, not even bothering to explain it but I understood what he meant after a moment of thinking about it. Essentially for those who don’t understand, it’s simple; don’t start a fight, you won’t die. So what I took from that is that as long as I only act in self-defense, I was free to carry around as many weapons as I pleased.

“Hmm, that should be fine,” I said for a moment before looking at my drink. “Thanks for the information, perhaps once we land you can show me and my friends to a local bar and I’ll buy you a drink.

“Iron Will accepts your terms, Iron Will can’t wait to see you try some real beer. It’s not for those who can’t hold their drink,” he said with a smirk before chugging the rest of his beer. I give a small laugh before downing the rest of my drink as well, much to his surprise. As I told you I had been sipping it, well that had my drink at about three quarters left. So yes, I chugged three quarters of an Irish Car Bomb without flinching.

“Nice meeting you, Iron Will,” I said before walking back to the bar and dropping the glass on the counter. Then I proceeded to waltz away as though nothing of importance happened, only to hear a deep bellow once more from behind.

Good first meeting of the last member of our group.

...

Shit, seems I’ve given away more than I should … well how about we agree that I never spoke that line and just pretend that I said something clever instead? Does that work? Thank god for you all being decent people.

Anyway, as I walked back across the deck, I looked up to the bridge to see if I could see Tempest, but even with the whole place being a massive house of glass, I couldn’t see hide nor hair of her. It was getting a little weird, and yes, before you all say anything about it I was indeed a little concerned for her. I mean I had more or less gotten used to clingy batpony backpack at that point, so it was weird that she had just up and left without saying anything. Still, it wasn’t up to me to find her; if she wanted to return, then she would.

Instead, I walked back to the entrance to my cabin’s hallway. Yet when I got there, I paused, a thought coming to mind. I turned once more to the guard that was standing outside. “Sauna?”

“Fifth floor, there will be signs to direct you,” he replied instantly, not even bothering to look at me. That was some damn fine training, I have to say.

So I’m going to skip the walk down there because it wasn’t anything of interest, and I truly mean that. Not a single pony I passed had the intent to start conversation even though I was courteous and said hi at each and every one of them. Didn’t matter really, since my goal was to let my muscles loosen via relaxing in a steam bath.

When I got there, I was a little surprised by the layout. You actually couldn’t see into the general area, instead there was simply an attendant sitting behind a desk that was in between two doorways. One led to what I assumed was the female changing room, and the other led to the male change room; that was all assumed by the plaques beside the rooms.

I stood in front of the rooms for a second, hand on my bearded chin, lost in thought as to why they needed change rooms if they were almost always naked as it was. Unfortunately, my train of thought was interrupted by the coughing of the attendant.

“Sir?” she asked, eyebrow perked up in curiosity.

“Oh sorry, just thinking about something. This is where the sauna is located, right?” I asked, approaching her slightly.

“We have three saunas here as well as a recreational pool. There is no fee to use them, but if you want to have a locker in the change room then you need a key … which is free as well,” she said in a rather chipper tone.

“Yeah, I’ll take a key for a locker,” I said, to which the mare beamed before reaching under her desk to find what I assumed was the key. She hoofed me the key, to which I just looked at for a second, contemplating why there wasn’t a number attached to it.

“Each locker can be opened by your key, but only if it hasn’t been locked by another. Each key is different and causes the lock to conform to them,” she said in a recited tone. Hey, at least I wasn’t the first person to ask that question.

“Thanks,” I said before walking through the open doorway to the male changing room. I was a little surprised by how empty it was but that works better for me, not because of shyness or anything like that, but because I didn’t want to hear hushed whispers about my scars. Trust me, it’s bad enough from other humans, I didn’t need it from ponies as well.

Long story short, I stripped, got myself a couple of large towels, and stored all of my gear in a locker before proceeding out into the recreation area. I was a little shocked by the amount of ponies there, many of them just lounging around while there were those with kids that were splashing around in the shallow area.

Let me describe this are for you. There was a large pool in the center, with plenty of space on all sides for chairs to be set up. At the far end of the pool, over top the deepest part, there was a rather large diving board structure that had tiered diving boards attached to it. From there, on the right side I spotted three doors that had sauna written all over them.

That was my goal, especially since I was naked underneath my towels, so swimming wasn’t happening anytime soon.

Like I said, it was rather packed, and I had to walk in front of many widish-eyed ponies, mainly from it being the first time seeing such a creature, then the rest from the scars they could see. At least, that was my assumption. I could guarantee that kids fell into the first category without a doubt.

Eventually, after many stares, I reached the saunas and saw that one of them had a full sign placed on it. Well that was convenient at least. So I decided to choose the third one, hoping that not a soul was in there. I got lucky, since when I opened it, there wasn’t a soul in there, and in fact it was cool so not a single person had been in there yet.

Perfect, I thought before looking at the little coal pit in the center of the room that was guarded by an iron enclosure. The whole room was essentially a square around the coal pit, with there being two levels of wooden benches. There were no directions as for what to do, but I could guess from the poker that I simply needed to push the coals around.

Once again I was lucky in my guess, since when I pushed the coals, a small amount of them seemed to light up, and steam started to slowly seep out of the enclosure. I smirked in triumph before prodding them a few more times to get the heat going. As the temperature started to get into an acceptable range, I walked over to the far side that faced the door, and sat myself down on the top tier of the benches before closing my eyes.

It’s funny to think, but when the world was still functional I didn’t care for saunas at all. The air was far too humid and stuffy for me to be comfortable; had a rough time breathing in it for some reason. Though whenever I think back to that fact, I just laugh. If it wasn’t for The Reckoning, I wouldn’t have gotten used to the sheer amount of humidity and heat, because my province was generally cold most of the year. Afterwards … well it might as well be the new Amazon rainforest. Don’t ask me how that works, just don’t. We’ve been over this already.

So, in that sauna I more or less had the time of my life, because I just laid back and took a little nap. Well I call it meditation since I am aware of my surroundings yet I’m putting my body to rest and letting stress just flow off of my shoulders.

I think it was around an hour of just sitting in there and enjoying the steam, when I heard and felt the door to the sauna open. The colder air unfortunately wafting in brought a small scowl to my face. I bit back any smart ass remarks because it wasn’t worth it. They just wanted to use the sauna … can’t help but opening the door to do that.

“Oh, sorry, sir. We didn’t realize you were in here already,” one said, a stallion by the sound of his voice. I didn’t open my eyes to check, still more or less meditating. “We’ll just leave.”

“Sit if you want, I won’t force you out,” I replied simply, blindly gesturing with my hand to one side of the room. Think of the gesture as one you would do if you were offering something to someone.

“Oh … thanks,” the stallion said before trotting in, followed by another set of hooves behind him. He did say ‘we’ after all.

They took seats I think and all was more or less quiet again, which was great for my meditation but at the same time it did a blow on my social skills. I mean the silence was undoubtedly awkward for the both of them, what with the strange human sitting in the same room as them. So I sighed and proceeded along with my normal introductions.

“Ryan,” I said as I opened my eyes and looked over at the pair that had walked in. The stallion was a dark orange unicorn with a white mane, while the other, a mare, was a very light blue pegasus with a darker blue mane.

“Lance Corporal Roll Call,” the unicorn replied curtly.

“Lance Corporal Blue Grass,” the pegasus said immediately after, her voice holding more than enough ‘southern twang’ to it. Her name was either the greatest choice I’ve ever heard, or it was the most facepalming. Actually I can’t say any of that, since I’ve used that already … let’s just say that her name perfectly fit her way of talking in a very racist way if you want to view it as such.

“Admiral Tempest told us about you shortly after takeoff,” Roll Call said with a small smile, damn those friendly ponies. “Never thought I’d see you around, though.”

“Just got to follow the right halls and you’ll find me … or find a bar,” I said with a small chuckle that earned the same from the two ponies. I decided to scooch a little bit closer as to make it a little bit friendlier, instead of me being more or less on the other side of the sauna room. As I neared, I didn’t realize one thing … the steam that was wafting in the room? Yeah it wasn’t as thick as I got closer to them.

So as you can guess by all the other experiences with me being shirtless, it was a notable thing. Though admittedly this time, the reactions were more akin to Wind Shear and Sigil’s. Curious and intent on finding out why my chest looked like I had gone through a wood-chipper.

“Wow … I’ve never seen that many scars in one place,” Roll Call said, a little whistle finishing off his words.

“Ah reckon ya went toe ta toe with a chimera ta git those,” Blue Grass said … okay her speech was a little more intense than what I figured it would be for that name. “Maybe even a pack o’ them!”

I just shook my head as I finally sat beside them then decided to clear the air. “Nah, I’m just a middle aged man that’s seen more shit than most.”

“Mind regaling us with a story or two?” Roll asked, a little bit eager to hear a war tale. Seriously, some of these guards worried me with their desire to hear about ‘war’ or violence of the like. Sure it was their job to protect, but wanting to go to war isn’t something that I see as mentally stable. If any of you get into a prolonged conflict, a.k.a. a war, then you’ll see what I mean.

“I’ve got nothing better to do while sitting here, so why not,” I responded. “Choose a scar and if I remember it, I’ll tell you about it.”

Roll Call hoed and hummed a little bit, allowing me time to twist my back and pop my spine, much to my relief. It also gave Blue Grass who was sitting up on the next level an opportunity to butt in and choose.

“What that one on ya back? Tha big ’in?” she asked, and I knew which one she was referring to. I didn’t have as many scars on my back, at least last time I checked. Just a few minor knicks and then that motherfucker.

“Not really much to it, but I remember it well … ‘cause it’s easy,” I said simply, a small smile on my face. I mean it wasn’t the worst story I had for a scar so I wasn’t sad or mad to tell the story. “So first thing you have to know is that on my world we have self-propelled carriages that we call cars. Utilizing a flammable liquid and a complex engine, we are able to make such vehicles reach speeds that are only surpassed by what we use to attain flight. That’s another story … oh and the speed most cars can hit is somewhere close to two hundred kilometers.”

Blue Grass gave off an impressed whistle at the speed, the pegasus obviously being the most likely to understand speed.

“So, me and a companion that I was travelling with were attempting to power through the muddy terrain that was the Russian landscape in fall, utilizing a car variant, called a jeep, that was meant for off-road travelling. Russia is a cold-climate country, by the way. We were making good ground but as we were passing a forest, the jeep hit a landmine, a little explosive device hidden in the ground. The jeep flipped easily, and only thanks to the design of the thing, we were able to not be crushed when it rolled a few times,” I regaled to them.

“I was relatively fine, just sore as fuck, but my companion was knocked out since the blast was on her side. So I fumbled with my buckle and managed to get out of my seat from the upside down vehicle. I didn’t see the lick of flames from the hood of the jeep as I made my way around to get her out. Thankfully she did, the moment she awoke though. I was getting her out of the jeep when she came to me saying in her deep Russian accent, ‘I smell smoke.’ Now, normally you have a decent amount of time to get away from a burning car before it explodes, but when I looked at the underside of the jeep, there were flames slowly crawling their way to the gas tank. If you don’t know what gas is … well let’s just say, don’t light a match around it, just to be safe.”

I had both of them eagerly listening to my story, their wide eyes showing their rapt attention. “From that point, I rushed as fast as I could to get her out of the jeep and away from the soon-to-be car bomb. She managed to help run, though we found out she broke one leg in the crash. We got maybe a forty meters away from the crash when the thing finally went off, reducing the jeep to a heap of burning junk. As the explosion happened, I threw my companion to the ground, with me on top of her, out of instinct. Unfortunately for me, that put me at the right height to get sliced by a flying piece of debris, which thankfully missed my head. And that’s how I got that large scar on my back. One of the less severe explosions I’ve lived through, to be honest.”

I don’t know what about the story that left those two ponies stunned but there was silence that filled the air of the sauna room, well that and steam, but … .

Okay, it was a bad joke! Sheesh.

Eventually Blue Grass let out that impressed whistle once more. “Hooee, that’s one heck of an experience.”

“Really? That was pretty tame compared to a few other close chances I’ve had,” I said, eyebrow raised in confusion. How was that an impressive story?

“You have worse stories than that?” Roll Call asked, a little shocked by that statement.

“No, I have better stories than that. Worst experiences yes, but they are better stories,” I said before leaning back, a small scowl on my face. It seemed that Roll Call and Blue Grass took that as a hint, because they didn’t ask for another one. I wouldn’t have minded telling another one, but at the same time I enjoyed the silence.

Yet I was the one to break the silence this time, because I was curious about something. “Speaking of the Admiral, either of you seen her? Normally she would be holding onto my back with all of her strength, but she bolted earlier.”

“I saw her on the bridge not too long ago but she hurriedly left almost immediately after I saw. Don’t know otherwise,” Roll Call answered, a chin to his hoof in thought.

“Odd,” was all I said before letting the room go back to its silence.

Now, it was then that I got my healthy dose of awkward for the day. Which translates into a healthy dose of awkward for you as well! See, I decided to shuffle down a little bit, so I could lean back again yet still talk to the two if something came up. As I did this, I noticed Blue Grass and Roll Call get comfy … as in they stretched out and relaxed.

Why is that awkward you ask, well remember how ponies don’t wear clothes? Well, they had towels on before doing said action. That meant that I got a healthy dose of not only Blue Grass’ … cover your ears kids … pussy, but I, by horrible luck, also got a good look at Roll Call’s package. Mentally I swore, hell I even swore under my breath, before I let my head lull backwards so I was looking up at the ceiling instead of those two. I swear, they purposely positioned themselves so that I got eyefuls.

No, I didn’t ask them if that was the case. Instead I sat there in silence for a few more minutes before getting up and deciding to call it quits.

“Thanks for the talk,” I said before I left, not even waiting for them to reply. Rude? Yes, but it avoided the awkwardness.

So I casually made my way back to the change room, got dressed, and decided that enough time had passed that it was probably getting close to supper time. I for one felt famished even if it wasn’t exactly supper time. Of course I had a possible way of getting an earlier meal … my own personal waiter! Yeah, it was a little bit of power abuse but hell, if you’re given such an innocent thing that hurt no one, why not use it?

And no, that didn’t backfire on me.

Another boring walk to the next area granted me time to contemplate what food I could possibly order from this place. It was then I realized that I actually wanted something simple if they knew what I was going to order. It was a dish that has some sentimental value to it, as my grandfather used to make it all the time. He’d do so no matter what, because he was awesome like that.

What surprised me when I got to the room, was that there were no smart alec griffons or third person-speaking mares. It was an empty room that was locked … it made me curious as to where they had gone.

Not too curious though, I mean I was hungry after all.

You can berate me all you want for not doing anything, but you don’t even know the whole situation, so shut up. First off, their rooms were closed and locked so they most likely closed them before they left. Also, there was not a single thing out of place so there was no struggle of any sort. Lastly, my room was locked and my stuff was still inside it.

So if you had any smart ass remarks about them possibly being kidnapped and I was an idiot for not doing something … fuck off.

Now, as for my food situation, after doing those checks, I pulled the rope and was promptly served by the same waiter as last time. By promptly, I mean that he was there in a span of maybe three minutes at best. That pony was grade A waiter material; I mean he fucking hustled in his job! Very few actually showed hustle to do something as menial as waiting … I’m not apologizing for speaking an opinion but I will say, if you love waiting then don’t listen to my opinion.

Just clearing the air before you lot say anything. Sure, that job is more or less dead now, it doesn’t mean that I don’t suspect that a few of you do the job.

Getting back to the story, I ended up not having to explain what a pierogi was, much to my relief and eternal gratitude. So I was able to get that dish I wanted so badly … pierogies and sausage. Pan-fried sausage. For the vegetables of the meal, I simply ordered steamed broccoli. That part didn’t matter, just the pierogies and sausage.

God was I grateful for that world having pierogies! They are one of the most delicious thing I’ve ever had and will ever have. Yes, that is compared to steak and the like. Hell, I would say they are better than alcohol, and you know me and my liquor hardly ever get separated.

Fast forwarding through the twenty minutes it took to prepare the food to my liking, I was sitting alone in my room eating pierogies and sausage. Truly in that moment I gave no fucks about the whole ‘stuck in another world’ detail, instead focusing on the deliciousness of the potato, bacon, cheese stuffing melting in my mouth and making me whole again.

Yes, they are that fucking important to me! It had been years since I had a fucking pierogi, so shut your whore mouth and let me bask in the memory of the delicious things.

Did I forget to mention that the sausage was made perfectly? Absolutely perfect … the only better sausage would have been my grandfather’s home made ones, that was how good they were … and how good my grandfather’s were.

Once I cleared my plate, I pulled the rope again, which, like all the other times, brought the waiter running. Though this time I didn’t have an order or anything for him. No, I simply said one thing to him before dismissing him.

“You’re awesome at your job, you can slow down when serving up here. None of us are in that big of a rush, nor are we that important that you need to run up here as though you’re running for your life. Oh, and send my warmest regards to the chef, the food was sublime.”

After a brief thank you from him, I closed the door and headed back to my room.

Want to know what time it was?

Gun inspection time!

Yep, dismantle both of my guns and clean them time.

You don’t need to hear about that boring task so instead, I’ll skip that hour of time and take you to the next interesting thing that happened.

Why an hour, you ask? I was being cautious, alright? Well that, and I was using it to kill time since I was more or less bored out of my fucking skull.

Right, skipping ahead an hour.

So after I was done cleaning my guns, I decided to go for a walk. The moment I step outside my door, and lock it behind me, I’m knocked down to the ground by an unknown force running into me.

Now, you might think that it was Tempest latching onto my back again after the entire day was spent doing … whatever she was doing. But it wasn’t exactly that. See, you would have been right in your guess that it was Tempest that ran into me, but the second part is completely wrong.

In fact, it was more like it should have been with a six-foot-tall person walking around ponies that maybe came up to his waist if they were big enough … not counting the princesses.

I tripped over her.

Yep, I turned around and managed to trip over her, sending me sprawling and having her get more or less crushed beneath my legs. Take that as you will, all I know is that I was more than a little confused to find myself on the floor with my legs propped up on something.

After managing to pull myself forward enough to get my feet on solid ground, I found Tempest lying on the ground, somewhat dazed by the whole incident. How can you be somewhat dazed? Easily; fully dazed is when you don’t know what happened at all, somewhat dazed is knowing what happened but wondering why it happened.

That was Tempest.

“How did you trip over me?” she asked, rubbing her head a little, her body still sprawled out on the ground.

“The same way you manage to sneak up on me despite having hooves,” I deadpanned before reaching down and picking her up. She gave out a weird combination between a neigh and a squeak as I picked her up by her sides and placed her back on her hooves.

Ponies make the weirdest noises. Seriously.

“Maybe you just have bad hearing!” Tempest snapped, apparently a little frustrated or something. That was the first time she had snapped at me with anything but humour … and let me tell you, there was some venom in that voice.

“Whoa now, calm your tits and tell me why you’re pissed,” I said defensively, my hands in the air to show her I meant no harm. Though I also think that I really should have thought those words through better. I mean who says ‘calm your tits’ to a woman? I wanted to facepalm right then and there.

She looked angry for a second longer before she deflated, a long, drawn out sigh escaping her. Her shoulders slouched and she plopped her rear on the ground, the whole posture screaming ‘I fucked up badly and I don’t know what to do.’

I was just glad she didn’t comment on that phrase.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice tired and ragged.

“For?” I replied before crouching down in front of her.

“What do you mean, ‘for’? I messed up this morning!”

I was a little confused, obviously. “In what way did you mess up?”

She gawked at me like a fish out of water, not sure as to why I would possibly say such a thing. I don’t know what was going through her head, but I can tell you one thing, it most likely was some sort of jaded view on what had happened in the morning. I mean, that was the only possible explanation as to why she was apologizing to me. At least, looking back, that’s what I realized about that encounter.

When I was actually there … hell if I knew what she was thinking. I mean, it could have been anything to me back then, so I just tried to get her to speak about it, and speak she did.

“I bucked up this morning! How don’t you know that?!” she asked, her emotions in a state of confusion and sorrow at the same time. Possibly a mild form of hysteria … not sure. “I got frightened at the mention of you being older because it was something I never encountered before, so I ran! I acted like a scared little filly …”

“It’s of no issue so don’t worry about it,” I replied simply, moving forward to give her a small hug.

“What do you mean?” she managed to choke out in between her dry tears and sorrow.

“I mean it’s of no issue to me. Sure I’m older, but that means nothing to me. If that’s stopping you from being yourself, then don’t. It shouldn’t stop you,” I replied, not regretting the kind words at the moment but definitely realizing what they could have been interpreted as.

“Does that mean-” she asked, her eyes filled with a lot of hope as she looked up. Apparently Tempest was the type that could easily get over things.

“I’m taking that pool,” was all I said in return. At first she was a little confused by what I had said, but it eventually started to dawn on her. When she came to the realization as to what I was talking about. “Yeah, they are going to be paying me a good share of bits by the end of this trip.”

“You’re taking bits over me?” Tempest said, her lower lip quivering. Yeah, this was more like the Tempest I had been introduced to and had been wearing as a backpack. See, I wasn’t buying any of that fake quivering lip and puppy dog eyes. You learn to be impervious to it as you age. I think forty is the minimum age that you gain such strength.

“Yes,” I replied once more, completely denying her any sort of ‘mind control.’ Yes, I said ‘mind control.’ Don’t take it literally.

“Darn,” she said as she scuffed her hoof against the ground.

“Feeling better?” I asked. She simply nodded and smiled before hugging me again.

“Thanks,” she whispered before letting go. I smiled back as I stood up and turned to walk away, aiming to get to the bar once again.

Yet as I walked away, Tempest stayed in that spot, her eyes shifting around nervously as though she wanted to say something. I knew I should do something, but I felt a little bad for her because she seemed to be alone. “What time is it?”

“Roughly eighteen hundred, why?”

“If you get me an Neighrish Car Bomb, we can have a drink in my cabin and, I don’t know, chat or something,” I offered. She perked up at this but didn’t bite right away, obviously playing me and attempting to get more out of it. I could have stonewalled her and not given her anything more, but I was feeling generous. “You can sit on my lap and that’s it.”

She took off past me like a bat out of hell … heh. Yep, I was in for a night of drinking and mild snuggling.

I sighed before going back into the room.

So, I’m going to speed this up because I’ve got another day to tell you about as well. Yes, I am telling you a two-dayer this time. Shocker, isn’t it? Well don’t expect it that often. The only reason is because very little of interest actually happens. That and you’ll be glad that I got to the next part quicker.

Anyway, Tempest came back with two of my drinks and three martinis for herself. I was a little surprised by the amount, but I didn’t say anything. Instead I simply sat down, patted my lap, and let her recline into me while we both drank our drinks. She started off talking about some things that happened in the day and I would just interject some random questions regarding it but nothing of importance to recant to you all.

Shortly after that, it was quiet for a little bit, as we both just sipped our drinks but eventually, maybe after thirty minutes of quiet, yes that long, she spoke up.

“What was plugged into your ears when you were running earlier?”

“A portable music playing device,” I replied shortly before taking a sip. I didn’t need to look at her to know what the next question would be. “Let me fish it out.”

After a few moments of awkwardly trying to get to my iPod while she still sat on my lap, I succeeded and managed to show her my music device. She ooed and awwed like all the others before asking the obvious next question. “Can I listen to it?”

“Don’t you want to ask what it is first? Or how I managed to fit a band inside here?” I asked with a small snicker. She simply rolled her eyes at me before responding.

“From what I hear, your people are rather advanced, so I’m just chalking it up to magic.” She then blew a raspberry my way, which caused me to return her eye roll with another one in kind.

“Fine, fine. Here, put these in your ears, the elongated part facing forward,” I said before handing her the headphones. At first she stared at them, questioning them for a split second before her gaze turned up to me. It was the same flat deadpan gaze I often give you folks and that I often used on others. At first, I was going to ask why she was looking at me, but then she held up her hooves as if to tell me the fucking obvious. “Lazy batpack.”

“Ya love me for it,” she replied as I fidgeted with the earbuds, putting them into her ears with precision. As you can probably guess, my earbuds aren’t exactly designed to fit inside pony ears, so I had to make sure that they didn’t go deeper than they should.

After a few moments, I turned her head a few times to make sure they would stay. “What’s your type of music?”

“Do grunts and moans count?”

“Only if you don’t mind me dumping you from my lap,” I said, countering her obvious attempt at sexual humour.

“Fine, got anything soft?”

I merely rose an eyebrow at that request before shrugging my shoulders and scrolling down to a decent song. ’Swing Life Away’ by Rise Against was a classic.

She bobbed her head slowly to the music as it began to play, and the smile on her face told me she enjoyed it, though admittedly I can’t see anyone not enjoying the song. It’s so well played and written that it’s essentially a cult classic in a way. Meaning that despite people not exactly liking Rise Against, you can appreciate that song.

Eventually the song ended and I paused it before it could flip to something that she wouldn’t like. Despite me wanting to prank her, the whole scene was too nice to disrupt with her trying to tear herself away from some Exodus or Sylosis.

“Thoughts?”

“I liked it! Another!” she said enthusiastically, and I almost expected her to throw her glass down on the ground … if you don’t get it then it will be impossible to explain it. I simply smiled and changed to a playlist of mine that had the softer songs on it. Though I would need to change songs every once in a while since my definition of softer isn’t exactly the same as everyone else’s.

So we ended up sitting there for a good hour as Tempest slowly got lulled into sleep while I sipped my drink. Yeah, she fell asleep to my music, and it was fucking adorable the way she just kind of flopped over. I had to keep myself from laughing at the whole thing. She was more akin to a dog or cat in that way. Completely passed out, not giving enough of a fuck about what was happening.

I eventually decided that I could just put her in the spare room and that would solve everything more or less. So with ease, I picked up the snoring and out-cold batpony, though I was careful to pick her up gently and not wake her from her slumber.

After a careful bit of moving, I managed to get her into the bed and tucked in. The entire time she mumbled and grinned at whatever dream she was having. I just shook my head and went about letting her sleep. Hell, I figured it was time for me to hit the sack as well.

I was this fucking close to getting into my room and calling it a night when the other two showed up. The door creaked open slowly, much to my surprise. Why to my surprise, you ask? Well I’ll sum it up for you. Gilda and Trixie were blitzed out of their skulls. Yep, smashed, hammered, inebriated, sloshed, wasted, tanked, and last but obviously not least, completely shit-faced.

They were laughing their asses off at something that I didn’t catch, and no matter what they just kept laughing as they stumbled over each other to get into the room, Gilda managing to trip and fall spread-eagle on her back. That only caused her to laugh harder, and Trixie looked as though she was going to pass out from laughing so hard, her face completely red. Eventually she too managed to fall over, much to Gilda’s delight.

I continued to watch from the doorway of my room as the both of them tried to stand up, though each time was met with failure and more laughter. I was tempted to just turn around and close my door, but I couldn’t stop watching how badly these two were handling their liquor. I knew tomorrow morning would be a fun one for the both of them. Still, the least I could do was to help them stand up.

So I moved without a word to Gilda and picked her up.

“Holy Shelestia I’m flyiiing! It’sh like I hash wingsh!” Gilda managed to say before I set her down, though she barely was able to stand under her own willpower. “Didya shee? I wash flyin’!”

“Trix-hic-Trix … Trixyy sha! Hows you do eet?” Trixie asked, not even paying attention to the human that was picking her up as she spoke. Though it seemed that she realised that she was also flying, because she let loose a ‘weee’ as I placed her back on her hooves. Then, with a shake of my head, I went back to my room.

Now, the last thing I saw was a little bit different, so any of you younger than fourteen, please plug your ears or leave … yeah, I know it was a joke, not a single one of you are under fourteen. Anyway, as I was closing my door, the two of them managed to stumble towards each other, large grins sported across their faces.

Then, in a quick moment, they closed the gap in a long kiss that was pretty steamy if I do say so myself! Haha, actually it was a hilarious attempt at drunken kissing that was made even more awkward because one had a beak and the other a muzzle. Seriously, imagine a bird trying to French a horse, it’s fucking hilarious.

I suppressed a chuckle as they both went at it, though I thought that would be it. Unfortunately they took it a step further and fell to the floor once more, their bodies intertwining and starting to grind more than a little.

Yep, I was meters away from watching two ‘alien chicks going at it.’ I can say right now, I probably would have been the envy of more than a few internet people back from my time.

Though I didn’t think that way, and was instead pinching the bridge of my nose and closing the door. I was not going to even try and fix that mess, if you could call it that. In fact, I could only hope that they took it to one of the bedrooms if they went any further.

I just shook my head before removing my clothes and crawling into my bed. Thankfully I was a pretty heavy sleeper when I needed to be. Well … I’m a heavy sleeper by nature, but you learn how to sleep lighter when you have to sleep outside. Think of it as adaptation … that, or genes. I mean my parents were light sleepers, so I probably got it a little bit from them.

And that ended that day, and I was granted a nice dreamless sleep. By granted, I mean I chose not to lucid dream that night, instead letting myself have a nice deep sleep.

Don’t worry, I will be moving to the next day shortly here, just need to get me a drink. Throat is a bit parched.

…

…

…

Alright, that was fucking good. Gotta stay hydrated, you know. I mean, drinking water is one of the most important things you can do. Sure I mean in the way that you have to survive, but also it helps your body in many other aspects. Hell, it also helps cut down your weight if need be, because it can be filling if you drink a solid amount.

Anyway, back to it.

So the morning was fucking funny and a little bit … not gross, but awkward. That’s the best word I can describe the scene the next morning.

See, once again I got up at a decent time, also known as fucking early as hell. I mean it wasn’t too late as it was, probably around midnight, so I could easily be well rested if I woke up before six.

My morning routine, as usual when I have a safe place to stay is to wake up, take a piss, and then do some abs. If you don’t know what I mean by abs, it’s exercises that work the abdominal muscles. You just simplify the name down to ‘abs.’

So, following the ab workout, I get changed and prepare whatever I need to for the day. In this case, it was strapping my holster to my leg after getting my clothes on, then readying my iPod because I was going to go for another run.

The moment I stepped outside the door, I noticed the most glaringly obvious thing. Gilda and Trixie were still on the floor. They had fallen asleep on the floor after whatever they did. I couldn’t help but facepalm at them. I mean, they fucking fell asleep between each other’s legs! I could only imagine the shock of them waking up finally.

Don’t mistake me, I was extremely tempted to just wake them up right then and there because it would prove to give me a good bout of humour. Yet I didn’t because I couldn’t give enough fucks, honestly. Let them sleep, if they were anywhere near as shit-faced as I thought they were, then they needed the sleep badly.

I was about to exit the room when I heard the faint clop of hooves on the floor … and they weren’t coming from outside the door. No, they were from the spare room. That meant Tempest had just woken up.

So I decided to wait a little bit for her to exit, instead of going and getting her. That proved to be the best option, if only for my own amusement.

The moment she exited the door, I could visibly see her muzzle scrunch up before she placed a hoof to it, as if trying to cover it from whatever smell she was smelling. I think she was going to say something, but she never got to it as her eyes caught me standing by the entrance door. I held my finger over my lips to tell her to be quiet. She simply nodded before giving a few light flaps and taking to the air.

What could I do other than shake my head at the fact that she was flying in the small room in order to keep quiet? You would think that some wind kick up would wake up my passed out companions, but no … flying doesn’t work like that in Equestria because fucking magic!

As I opened the door to let her leave, I saw that she’d finally caught a glimpse at the reason why she was being quiet. Her eyes bugged out for a second before a look of sheer amusement came across her face. At least she was smart enough to wait until we were far enough away before she let out a howl of laughter.

“That’s why the room smelt like fish and alcohol!” she said in between breaths.

“Yeah, they came in after I put you to bed. They were completely hammered and just winded up going at it on the floor there,” I replied as I opened the door to the deck.

She got just outside the door before she spun around on me. “Wait, put me to bed?”

“Yeah, you fell asleep on my lap and I put you up in the spare room,” I replied nonchalantly as I exited the doorway and onto the deck. The sun was barely out and for the most part was covered by the clouds in the surrounding area. Yet somehow, the deck looked like it was lit up as though it was noon! I swear, magic was starting to wear on me more and more.

“And you didn’t ravage me before tucking me in?!” Tempest said in shock, with what also sounded like disbelief. I simply shook my head, turned my iPod on, and started running. “Hey! Answer me! Stop running!”

Yeah, I didn’t have the sound up loud enough for me to not hear her behind me, her hooves making that typical ‘clopping noise. After a few moments she caught up to me and kept pace, though she was also glaring daggers at me while doing so.

“Going to run with me?” I asked to Tempest, who just gave a huff of annoyance before nodding. She was trying to act pissed at me; it wasn’t working because she, admittedly, was rather cute.

Yeah, being around these ponies for roughly a week was starting to affect how I saw them. Though admittedly I had no issues before hand, all I was coming to terms with was that, for the most part, they were cute in ways. You’d understand if you ever saw one in person. Even if I had a photo to show you, it wouldn’t do justice.

Now, as for the run, there wasn’t much to it really. Well at least not at first. See, it was just us running around the deck once more, though this time Tempest was running with me on her hooves instead of trying to catch me in the air. A much more relaxed exercise, yet it still did what I needed it to. Notice how I said at first? Well for maybe ten minutes of running, all was good.

After that, we got spectators from the guards. It made me wonder what the hell they did that allowed them so much free time to take bets on us. Yeah, that’s right, for the second day in a row, I saw bags of bits being forked over to one unicorn guard while he took notes. I couldn’t believe that they were running bets … they were worse than gamblers back home.

This time, I was intent on making something of it, though. As we neared them on a lap, I yelled at them. “Unless I get twenty-five percent for winning, I will sic her on you!”

I gave a brief glance at Tempest, who wore a predatory grin at that statement. A few of the guards gulped, but the one dealing with the bits just gave an affirmative before going back to his bookkeeping.

Now, a few of you are probably assuming that I teamed up with Tempest to win that pot. Well, let me tell you, I don’t pull any sort of shit when it comes to money. If I was going to win or lose, it would be through legit means and not through fixing the event. Morals and all that, you know.

So, skip forward about twenty minutes, and I was still going at a decent pace. Sure my legs were getting tired, but I could easily go on for longer. I looked down at Tempest and saw her panting. Not in a ‘I’m going to pass out’ type but more like a dog, or something like that. She seemed like she could keep going, though, so I just focused ahead of me once more and got back to running.

Let’s do another time skip! Now, we were probably on the one hour mark when I noticed that a few civilians were starting to come onto the deck. They stayed to the side lines as they watched, what I can assume they thought was, the weird minotaur and the Admiral of the ship running laps.

It was also at this point that Tempest spoke up through her ragged breaths. “How are you still running so easily?”

I answered her through my own ragged breaths. Yeah, I used the same descriptor, get over it. “We’re made to run distances.”

It’s a true fact, you know. Before we became ‘settlers’ and stationary with our homes, humans were nomadic by trade. The reason we were nomadic was because we would follow packs of animals as they migrated. Humans would often jog or walk for long periods of time just to outlast their prey. Why bother trying to dangerously catch it as it was completely healthy and raring to go when you could just out-walk or out-jog it. I mean, it’s speculated, and probably is true, that the only reason North America had people living in it before it was ‘discovered’ by people from Europe, was because they crossed over the Bering Strait Crossing between Alaska and Russia when it was one frozen landmass long ago.

When The Reckoning broke out, and society collapsed, a lot of people started to relearn that aspect of human nature. They learned that people often have to go to extreme measures to get food. Sure, people could easily make farms once more, but a lot of them didn’t have that luxury. I see it all the time: people following behind herds of deer and such.

Anyway, back to the running event.

I think it was nearing the hour and a half mark when I heard a thump next to me. I simply pivoted on my legs and started a slow backwards jog. The sight behind me was Tempest laying on her side and her lungs breathing hard. Yeah, she had exerted herself pretty hard. Still, I wanted one more lap because I was feeling damn good for once.

When I came around to where Tempest was laying on the ground, I made sure to slow down, and in one scoop I heaved her up to my shoulder, much to her initial dismay that elicited a minor shriek. Once she realized what was happening, she quit fussing. I could only imagine that her face was completely red, which only works in the pony world.

Eventually I made my way to the guards standing around, some wearing smug faces, others looking more than a little pissed. I didn’t even look at them, instead just holding out my open hand. At first they looked at it, but then the guard who was dishing out bits caught onto the meaning, and dropped a small sack in my hand.

“Perfect, now … where is Skyline?”

“Right here, sir,” the grey furred pegasus spoke up as he moved forward. “Let me take the Admiral off your hooves, there.”

“Hands, but sure,” I said as I slowly set Tempest down on his back, much to her pleas and whining. It wasn’t a choice for her, because right then and there she wasn’t looking very much like an Admiral.

As Skyline carried her out, I turned around to see the crowd of onlookers. They just stared at me for a moment, and right there was when I got a horrible idea. A horrible horrible idea, and I’m thankful I didn’t go through with it. Yeah, I didn’t go through with it because the entire idea consisted of me saying ‘and for my next trick’ then proceeding to jump over the balcony of the ship.

You can obviously see why I didn’t do it.

Instead, I simply walked back down to our room.

Then I proceeded to walk right past the room because the sounds coming from inside told me then wasn’t the best time.

…

Good guess but no, they weren’t going at it again. In fact it was more of the opposite. The gist of what I heard was as follows.

“Oh my Celestia!” Trixie screamed.

“What … buck me, get away from me!” yelled Gilda.

And that was it before it devolved into just mindless shouting and scampering of hooves and claws. While it would have been fucking amusing to walk into, I doubt that I would be standing here if I did.

Instead I took the smart route and walked right past, intent on finding the dining hall once again. Breakfast was becoming more and more interesting as I cleared many other thoughts from my head.

So, skipping the once again boring walk, I ended up running into Fancy Pants and Fleur as they entered the dining room.

“Ahh, Ryan, it is good to see you again,” Fancy Pants said, while Fleur just gave me a smile and a head nod. “I take it you’ve had an active morning.”

I didn’t need to look at myself to know that he was talking about the nice little sheen of sweat that coated my body. “You could say that. Had a nice run on the deck with our Admiral not too long ago. I would have showered but my room was a little hectic this morning.”

“Don’t be too hard on those two, they were fun,” Fleur spoke up, apparently knowing what was going on … sorta.

“It’s not my place to say anything. Just figured that they needed to wake up and not have me grinning at them,” I replied with a small chuckle, which was returned by Fleur and a sly smile from Fancy Pants.

We walked to a table and sat down, and didn’t even get to start talking before a waiter was out and ready to take our orders. Apparently we were ‘special’ enough that there was literally no wait times for us. I didn’t really pay attention to their orders but I just wanted some pancakes and scrambled eggs that morning. Sure I could have had sausage, but I figured that if my company were both ponies, I could abstain for then.

“So,” I said, initiating conversation, “where are you two headed? I never asked that when we had dinner together.”

“I’ve got a business proposal in Saddle Arabia next week. We figured we’d take an early flight and have time to ourselves,” Fancy Pants replied curtly. I could only imagine what the pony dealt in.

“I almost want to ask about it, but that would be rude now, wouldn’t it?” I ventured, hoping he might actually take the bait and disclose some info, no matter how irrelevant it might be to me.

“Alas, that would cause more harm than anything if I told you,” he said, that sly smile on his face appearing once more. That instantly told me he might just be into shady shit. Sure, he seemed like a decent fellow, but even I knew that there were bastards that hid under nice disguises.

“That makes me only wonder as to what you do, Fancy Pants,” I said with a little bit of coldness in my voice. If I had met him before The Reckoning, I would have only silently wondered what he meant, but my time having to deal with scumbags only reinforced my morals and straightforwardness.

“Oh, don’t mistake me, my dear human. I’m not one to deal with those who do not have the right interests in mind. I am simply bound by our deal to not express details to those who are not involved,” he said, that sly smirk was replaced with one that people who are accused of something, often use. You know, the one of indignation that you pointed your finger at them? Yeah, that’s the one; so obviously, I took what he said at face value and moved the topic along.

“I take it Saddle Arabia is a rather nice country to visit? You wouldn’t be taking your … fiancé if it wasn’t,” I offered, moving the topic to a fork in the road. Only to see which way they took that statement.

“My, very observant! I’m not even wearing the ring,” Fleur said with a large smile on her face.

“It was a lucky guess, nothing more. How long?”

“He proposed just a few weeks ago! We haven’t planned the wedding but it will be marvelous!” she said, a huge smile on her face. I honestly didn’t care too much about their wedding and all that but it was polite to smile and be happy for them. If anything, I was a decent conversationalist.

“That’s great to hear,” I said with a small smile. Unfortunately, that opened things up for Fleur to speak only about her wedding plans while Fancy Pants and I just smiled and nodded our heads. It was a few minutes of listening to that before our food arrived and thankfully it ended that line of conversation. It was one of those that I regret opening because they were akin to a can of worms.

Either way, breakfast came and went and the meal was delicious as usual. One thing I have to say is that they make some delicious buttermilk pancakes. Like holy shit they were fucking fluffy and creamy.

Damn … just talking about them makes me want to attempt to make some. Maybe tomorrow for breakfast …

Oh, sorry, got lost in the thought of food for a second.

Anyway, the rest of the meal was rather quiet, with us mainly focusing on the food. Though Fancy Pants would make little quips about the trip so far and the like. I didn’t mind the small conversations but I didn’t really get involved either.

When we had finished the meal, there was some decent conversation. And this time, it was rather involving for me, mainly since it was about myself.

“So, I never got to ask before your departure the other night, but why are you headed to Tayros?” Fancy pants asked simply, not even dancing around the topic.

I shrugged initially before taking a sip of water. “Don’t have minotaurs in my world so I figured that if I was going to explore your world I might as well start with something that was more … human like. Gives a little bit of familiarity in a sense.”

“I suppose that makes sense, but I wouldn’t be travelling to Tayros right now,” Fancy pants said in a semi-cryptic way. He knew something, or at least a sliver of something.

“Oh, and why not?” I asked, taking the bait.

“Well, I’m not one to abide by rumours. In fact, I hate the things, but a rather reliable source says that the nation is undergoing some problems. They didn’t specify the issue but suggested that we stay clear of the place,” he replied, his tone changing from slightly playful to one of true seriousness.

“Danger, huh? Don’t be offended, Fancy Pants, but I doubt it is anything serious. I personally refuse to trust such general info, if they aren’t willing to elaborate,” I replied with a small chuckle. It wasn’t a mocking one or anything, no, Fancy Pants knew that I wasn’t making fun of him. He’s a smart guy ... pony, whatever.

“Oh I agree for the most part, but my source has been very reliable,” Fancy pants replied before standing up, Fleur following his lead. “I’m sorry to cut this short but I promised Fleur I would take her to the spa that’s onboard. Have a safe flight, and time in Tayros, Ryan. Remember to get in contact with me when you are finished.”

“Will do,” I said with a tilt of my glass towards him. They proceeded to leave, leaving me at the table, sipping on my water, wondering: what the fuck to do now?

I mean, I had a full day to kill and I’ll be honest, I’m kind of a picky guy when it comes to doing shit. Open minded but picky. If I didn’t feel like doing something, there wasn’t a good chance that you’d get me to do it.

So I actually ended up sitting there until they had to force me to leave. Yeah, you heard right, I ended up sitting at my table through the rest of the breakfast. I got lucky that the stream of people wasn’t overly steady since that meant my table wasn’t a high priority. I ended up sitting for another hour and a half, just drinking water and the occasional glass of orange juice that a waiter would drop off. Honestly it was fine by me, especially since it gave me time to think about my plan for what I would actually do in Tayros.

Sure I had a few cities mapped out, but that was hardly a plan at all. So I came up with a basic plan. First off, it was to land and more or less leave the initial town within the day since I planned on staying there for a few days before boarding for another country. If I recall correctly, there was a train line that headed straight for the capital, so I would take that and spend a few days in the capital before setting out on foot. Oh, yes I planned on making sure that we didn’t take the fast route each time. Hell, if I had my way, by the end of the trip, Trixie and Gilda would be pure muscle, just from having to pull that cart with them. Assuming they didn’t shluff it off to me in the miniature form that it currently was in.

Either way, from there I wanted to head northeast and into the mountainous area because I read some cool things about the town there, not to mention there was a weaponsmith there and I wanted something ornate to carry with me.

…

Yes, I do have it but you’re going to have to wait until I actually get to that part of the story.

…

Oh boo-fucking-hoo. It might not seem ‘fair’ to tell you such things and then withhold them from you, but guess what, that’s how this story is going. Sure, call it bad storytelling or whatever, but let me tell you right now, what purpose does showing the blade to you serve? Other than me letting you see, you don’t understand any purpose it might serve other than just the look of it.

Of course then comes the other argument, calling me a liar for not even having it. Listen, I’m telling you this once and only once. If you don’t like how the hell I am telling my story, and you feel like it is your fucking civic duty to express it in ways that make you sound like a know-it-all dickbag, then feel free to get your ass out of here and go on your own fucking adventure, you inbred douche canoe.

…

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now, I will apologize for the names, but you’re stirring up a swearing beast when you start such things. If you want, afterwards I will listen to some of your opinions on better ways to tell, but I can’t say I will enact a single one.

Deal?

Good.

So, after sitting there and eventually getting kicked out because they were cleaning up for lunch, I started to wander around the ship, just walking down random halls and what not, not truly giving a fuck if I was lost or anything like that. I mean why should I care as long as it killed hours on the ship. Sure I didn’t doubt that there were facilities to entertain guests, but I doubt that anything they had would be suitable for a human, or for that matter, a human that had my kind of tastes.

It was a cruise ship for those that were looking to take a vacation, I couldn’t even begin to contemplate how they would be able to entertain me. I mean, after so many years of having access to no such luxuries, you learn to find other things to be ‘fun’ or time killers. For example, I would have loved for there to be some ‘skeet’ shooting but alas, ponies didn’t carry guns, let alone have the capability to reload my weapons if I was correct in what the minotaurs had.

Sure there are other ‘vies’ that keep me entertained, but those are hardly noteworthy and definitely not something you’d find on a cruise ship.

So I kept wandering the halls, taking in the sights of closed doors, windows and some pieces of artwork every once and awhile. The art was just more stuff depicting minotaur events and people, or pony events and people. Either way, it was unremarkable to me.

…

Yeah, you’re right, I am starting to get bored with trying to tell you all about this day, because honestly nothing of true importance happened. I mean, I know you’re all so interested in the story and don’t want to miss a detail but let me tell you, the only interesting things that happened in that day was at dinner where I ate up in the bridge with Skyline and Tempest, then before I went to bed where I got to see the awkwardness between Gilda and Trixie.

I honestly did nothing else but wander the ship the rest of the day, every once in a while saying hi to a random pony and the occasional nod to a guard.

…

Really? You’re not shitting me.

You’re actually saying you don’t mind if I skip to those parts? Fuck, you’re a better crowd than I thought. Well let’s start with the supper.

So, after all that wandering and jazz, supper was upon us, yet I had become rather lost. Of course I wasn’t really surprised. What I was surprised by was when I turned a corner and nearly ran into Skyline, the first mate if you can recall.

“Evening, sir,” he said before passing me. I stopped for a second, swallowing my pride for once.

“Hey, Skyline, think you mind if I tag along with you? I’m gotten a little lost in this maze of doors and hallways.”

“Sure, though I’m just headed to the bridge for my shift,” he replied, though he cocked his head immediately after. “Don’t you want supper?”

“Ehh, I can live without,” I replied nonchalantly.

“If you want, I can have a meal delivered to the bridge. Tempest and I often have to have it done when we’re on shift.”

“Sounds good, lead on he-who-knows-the-ship,” I said, immediately falling in beside him as he started to trot back down the way I came.

“What were you even doing down here?” he asked, looking up at me for the briefest of moments.

“I went for a walk after breakfast and got lost,” I replied simply, shrugging my shoulders once again.

“Breakfast? That ended nearly six hours ago! You’ve been wandering the ship for six hours?” he asked, his eyes wide and his eyebrows nearly flying off his head in surprise. I shit you not they were that fucking high.

“Guess so, I mean I stopped to stare intensely at a few paintings, even counting the threads of the sheet they were drawn on.”

“Wait? Really?”

I let out a deep laugh at that; I couldn’t believe he actually bought such an insane thing. “Hell no. I mean, I did stare at a few paintings, but counting threads? I’m not that eccentric.”

He looked at me for a second before letting out a few small laughs at his own expense. I think even he knew that he shouldn’t have fallen for something as ridiculous sounding as that. Though admittedly it was a little lopsided against him, since I had decades to master sarcastic and snide remarks since that was almost entirely how I talked to anyone who wasn’t a friend.

You could call me the local snarkmaster if you want, I know that I’ve heard it before from a few companions.

Surprisingly enough, it was about a three minute walk to actually make it to the stairs that led back up and out of the ship’s interior. I wanted to facepalm so fucking hard at my inability to find such an easy path, but then I realized I never really intended to find a path. If I happened upon one, then all was good. If not, then oh well.

“See, wasn’t so tough,” Skyline remarked with a sly grin.

“Indeed, even a First Mate like you can find his way amongst the ship. Truly it was made for the simple,” I said with a large grin, causing Skyline to falter for a moment before laughing once more at his own expense. At least the guy could take a hit and keep on rolling. God knows there is few that can do such a thing constantly.

…

Yes, every once and awhile I use such sayings that take ‘god’s’ name in vain despite not actually believing in such a thing. It’s a turn of phrase for the most part and one that is tougher to change around than you would think, especially when it is more commonly used than you think.

Anyway, there was some silence between us until we got to the bridge, then he simply asked what I wanted to eat. I could have just said whatever he was having but then I remembered that ponies didn’t exactly eat the same things as we do. Instead I got a small list from him and chose some spaghetti. Something simple yet perfect for the most part.

After that I simply sat in a chair while he went around and did a check on all the ponies sitting at their spots. I guess he was doing a status report or something like that, so I decided not to interrupt, though I didn’t really have much of a choice considering that his focus wasn’t towards me.

What I’m trying to say, is don’t be a douche and interrupt people while they are busy at work.

Eventually, and I say that because sitting around seems to make time drag on, a unicorn guard came trotting in with two dishes. One was promptly handed to me and the other was put on a desk. I simply shrugged and dug into the meal while Skyline kept going about his business, though he did at least acknowledge the fact that his food existed.

Hell, I was able to finish eating before he even began, so there was absolutely no time for convo in there.

Summed up, my night was wandering and silence for the most part. While boring, yes and overall not very exciting to talk about, you are the ones that wanted to hear everything about what happened with me in the alien world.

Just as Skyline finished eating, the bridge opened up to reveal none other than Tempest. Of course you can guess what her reaction to seeing me was. Yep, big smile, hop in her step, and the decision to sit on my lap once more. Honestly, I think I was getting used to that because I truly gave zero fucks about it happening. Didn’t even react, let alone flinch to her weight landing in my lap … well whatever weight there was.

“Evening, Admiral,” Skyline said with a salute.

“First Mate Skyline, how are things this evening?” she asked, her tone surprisingly curt and professional for a pony sitting on my lap.

“Crew and ship are running fine, Ma’am. We should be in port by ten in the morning tomorrow,” he answered.

“Good, another smooth trip. Remember that we have the Tayros crew coming aboard to do their service time, so do let the crew know tomorrow morning,” Tempest replied before leaning back into me, and proceeding to look up. “Now whe-”

I cut her off by holding her muzzle shut. “Hold that thought. What’s the name of the port we’re docking at?”

“Aboretia. A nice place, good port city, but nothing else really. It serves it’s purpose. Why do you ask?” Skyline replied.

“No reason really. Just never got the name of the place we’re landing at. I mean, when I get a map, it’ll be good to know my starting point.”

He nodded in agreement before returning his focus back to his duties, leaving his chair to do so. I simply leaned back in my chair and relaxed, until I heard a muffled shout. Yeah, I had completely forgotten that I was holding Tempest’s muzzle closed. With a mutter of ‘oops’, I let go of her muzzle.

I expected her to just glare at me, but instead she turned around on my lap, thankfully not crushing my balls in the process. She got right up in my face, and by that, I mean fucking inches away from touching me. I thought she was going to start chewing me out for doing that to her.

Nope.

She fucking booped my nose with her hoof … yes I said ‘booped’. Listen, that’s the best fucking description I have for a pony putting her hoof on my nose and saying ‘boop.’ So get over it because it happened and that’s how I retell it.

After a few giggles, while I was wondering what the fuck happened, she spoke up. “I had you going there, didn’t I? Oh you should have seen the look on your face! You thought I was going to yell at you, didn’t you? Don’t worry … I like a little bit of bondage.”

My reaction: “…”

“Yeah … no,” I said before standing up, and letting her slide off my lap, much to her mad scramble to stay on. As swift as my legs could carry me, I ran for the bridge, hearing howling laughter from behind me; not just one person either, we’re talking everyone on the fucking bridge.

Either way, I hauled my ass down to my room, deciding that I was more or less done for the night even though it was relatively early. I could probably take a decent shower and clean my gun before bed, so at least I could kill another hour or so before I called it a night.

That plan didn’t get as far as I wanted.

The moment I entered the room, I was treated to an unhealthy dose of fucking awkward. You all remember the whole debacle with Gilda and Trixie, right? Well apparently they didn’t really solve any issues the entire time I was gone. Nope, they let that issue simmer, then decided to put it into a nice stew and serve it up with a side helping of tension over easy.

When I entered the room, Gilda and Trixie were sitting on separate couches, their eyes focused everywhere else but at each other. I could practically taste the awkwardness, it was that apparent.

I decided I had nothing to lose in running my mouth at this time since both of their attentions had turned to me.

“So you got drunk, and then proceeded to go down on each other, big deal. What’s a little sex between friends? Anyway, you should at least clear up the air between you, because we’re landing tomorrow and then we’ve got at least a month of time ahead of us.”

I wish I had a mic so I could have mic dropped it and then walked into my room like a complete boss. I mean, I did that last part but a mic drop would have been awesome. And for those of you who don’t know that turn of phrase, a mic drop is when you say something groundbreaking or mind blowing then proceed to drop the microphone you were using.

Yeah, it would have been pretty awesome.

Though the best part of the entire thing was that after I entered my room, I heard them talking once again. I’d tell you what they said but I didn’t pay attention to it, really. Instead I started going through my plan of killing some time before bed.

And that’s it, really.

I took a shower, did some quick maintenance on my guns, then fell asleep to another blissful, dreamless sleep. I was starting to enjoy them once again, since I knew that if I dreamed then Luna would be back and I always felt tired after spending a night with her in my dreams. It wasn’t that I didn’t like spending time with her, I just was starting to get used to having decent sleeps is all.

So yeah … sorry for the rush at the end, this whole part just seemed to drag on, you know? Hell, my throat is pretty sore from all of this talking, which is kind of weird since that’s the first time it’s acted up.

Hmm, I’m not going anywhere tomorrow but I don’t think I’ll be telling you the next part tomorrow. Probably will give it a few days before I send out word about when the next part is going to take place. Just being careful and all that, since I don’t feel like getting a ‘pointless’ injury just because I decided to tell you all a story.

Speaking of next parts, you might be wondering why I folded two days into one part. While a part of me wants to just let you continue to guess as to why, the main reason is because the next part is just so damn interesting! I mean, it’s got everything that makes an action packed movie awesome! Well, not everything, but damn near most of them!

…

Yes, I know this isn’t a fucking movie, it’s just … something. Anyway, what I’m trying to tell you all is that the next part of the story is going to be extensive and awesome. Hell, if it wasn’t for my voice feeling sore, I would start tomorrow but I’ve got to take care of my money maker, haha!

Alright, that’s all, now bugger off! Get off my property you youngins! See ya next time!

Author's Notes:

So sorry this was posted a day late! I completely forgot!

Anyway, that was two days rolled into one chapter, which is going to happen more often as it gets rolling. Do you all smell (what the rock is cooking?!) something fishy going on in Tayros? It's starting to smell weird ... well, perhaps it's nothing!

Here's the song for the chapter. Starting to get into the harder stuff so everyone be warned; the harder metal is coming! Down From the Sky - Trivium

Thanks to everyone who reads this! And obvious thanks to my editors, AuthorGenesis, Doctor Candor, PhiliChez, and Word Worthy!