Somewhere close to and yet incredibly far from Ponyville, a figure stirred and stretched with a cavernous yawn, having just woken from his usual 11:15 AM nap. He was quite looking forward to the day’s events, especially considering the new project he had started. Speaking of which, now seemed a good time to check up on how said project was going.

The figure summoned a magical orb that peered through the cracks of space-time to show him the location and pony he wished to see. An amused hum passed his lips as he spotted his victim – ahem, project. She looked deliciously confused about her situation, which was always the best part—

Something caught his eye. He peered closer, then widened the viewing portal for a better look. The scene that filled out before him made him suck in a breath sharply.

“No! What—? That’s cheating!”

With a flash of light and a puff of smoke, the figure crushed the viewing portal in his hand and teleported away.

----

Meanwhile, in Ponyville, a certain brown stallion wearing a white collar and green bowtie frantically twisted dials and pulled levers. The inside of the stallion’s workshop was always a mess, but as he trotted to and fro between beeping machines and unfolding papers of printed data, the mess seemed to visibly grow in size and mastery of the floor space.

“Great whickering stallions! It’s off the charts! Where is that—? Muffins! Where are you?!”

A light gray head poked out upside-down from the top of one of his failed experiments, the mare’s off-set pupils staring down at him. “Yeah, Doc?”

“I need that device you were using to prop up your popsicle stick house!”

The head disappeared for a moment, then reappeared, holding a bulbous gauge with a rapidly-spinning red needle at the center. “Oh, yeah, it did great! I’m almost up to the fourteenth floor!” she giggled, wings fluttering over her bubble cutie mark as she barely kept from tipping off of her perch.

“Well, I’m afraid I need it now, my dear,” Doc said firmly, holding out his hoof. Muffins dropped it, and the earth pony stallion had to sidestep to avoid a bruise on the head. He snagged the device without a word of complaint and ran to another machine, where he rammed the gauge into one of the gaping holes, and twisted it into place.

The gauge immediately exploded, sending tinkling glass everywhere. Doc ducked, but his eyes remained locked on the readouts as an alarm blared.

“Great whickering stallions…” he whispered. “It’s happened again.”

Muffins let out a small victory cheer as she reached the fourteenth floor of her popsicle stick house, and crowned it with one of her trademark muffins.

-----

Confusion reigned in the council hall of the Castle of Friendship. The girls all sat at their assigned chairs, and the supposed interdimensional visitor in pony form hovered next to Twilight, looking more than a little frazzled at all the arguments echoing around (and at) her.

“Ah don’t like it!” Applejack said loudly, thumping her hoof against the crystal table. They had moved here after the tiny antechamber proved to be too small a space to handle this many arguing ponies. “If’n she is tellin’ the truth, and I don’t mean to say for sure she ain’t, why’re they spyin’ on us?! Them’s our private lives they’re lookin’ at!”

“We, uh… don’t think of it as spying…,” River (they’d all decided this was easier to remember than River) put in timidly.

Applejack fixed her with a penetrating look. “Then what do ya call it?”

“It, uh… Look, it’s just something we do! We watch interesting things happening in other worlds!” River looked more than a little pained. “I promise, nobody’s doing it to bother anybody! We didn’t even know it was possible to cross dimensions like this and meet you for real!”

“That’s as may be,” Rarity said, more calmly than Applejack, although she also still looked bewildered from hearing the blue-maned unicorn’s story. “And perhaps it’s not so great a drama as you think, Applejack. My question is, how can we be sure that you’re telling the truth, Miss River? Is there some way to confirm that your story is on the level? I think we’re all a little concerned that this might be an elaborate cover-up for why you know so much personal information.”

“It would be kinda weird if a spy just came running up and said all that super spy-sounding stuff that makes her look like a spy, though,” Pinkie Pie put in, pink curls bouncing as she lamb-skipped around the room for no apparent reason. “It sure made us all suspicious super fast!”

Twilight let out a sigh of relief. It was amazing what sensible observations could come out of the normally absent-minded Pinkie. “Pinkie Pie has a point. I think we should at least take steps to verify River’s story. In fact, I might have some equipment from my mirror machine experiments that could do the trick!”  

“You been experimentin’ on that thing?” Applejack looked slightly concerned. “You sure that’s wise, sugarcube?”

“Sure!” The alicorn’s eyes cut to the side. “Probably. No dimensional rifts in space-time so far!” Groans filled the air.

“Well, I’m sure it will be alright,” Rarity said, forcing herself to relax. “If anypony can do something like… that, it’s you, Twilight.”

“I think this whole thing could be bogus.” Rainbow Dash, who had been flying circles around the overhanging tree stump in the room, swept down and landed square in the middle of the table. She pointed a hoof at River, eyes narrowing to slits. There was a long, tense silence. Then Rainbow's face split with a huge grin. “But if it isn’t, it sounds awesome! Finally, we get some funky travelers from another world on this side of the mirror!” Rainbow bucked the air with a whoop. “If it’s anything like what Twilight always runs into at Canterlot High, we’re probably gonna get some cool monster to fight any day now! Or maybe she’s part of some interdimensional task force that’s waiting to sweep in when we open the mirror.” The cyan pegasus did a quick one-two while wearing a huge grin. “Either way, I get to kick some tail!”

Rarity and River wore identical horrified looks. “Oh, I hope not, Rainbow.  My new line for the Summer Sun Fashion Show is due in two weeks!”

“No way, there’s no big monsters on my side of things!” River quickly reassured them. “Unless you open the portal in the middle of the tiger exhibit at a zoo or something. We’re really pretty boring in the monster department.” She paused, chewing her lip. “And, okay, I’m not part of some secret task force, but I might caution against jumping through the portal and introducing yourselves. Pretty sure more than a few people would absolutely freak out in a bad way.”

Twilight considered this. While it sounded less than optimal, she did remember a conversation with Canterlot High’s Rarity – mentions of governments and power-hungry organizations that might not react positively to learning there was magic in the world. It made sense that another human world like River’s, where magic wasn’t native, would have similar issues. And at least River had been upfront about the issue – it heightened Twilight’s confidence that she was making the right decision.

“Alright then!” Twilight stood up and nodded sharply. “We’ll approach this with caution, but I think it’s safe to move forward with testing. First, let’s see if we can verify River’s status as a native of another dimension. I’ve already started, in fact.” And she drew out the blinking hoofheld device she had been hiding under the table during this entire conversation.

River leaned close to it with her eyes wide, not noticing that other ponies in the room were doing the same. “Oooo, cool. What’s that?”

“This,” Twilight said proudly, “is a Dimensional Cross-Particle Energy Reader. It measures foreign particles related to travel between universes! I’ve been working on it since I discovered their existence in follow-up studies on my own travels through the mirror. Who knew I’d get to test it out so soon?!” She rubbed her hooves together with a giggle, which died as she realized that everypony was staring at her oddly. Twilight cleared her throat, blushing. “Ahem. Anyway, I let it sit under the table so it could get a good reading on you while we talked. It should know something any minute.”

Twilight noted that the beaming joy on River's face did not resemble the expression of somepony knowingly about to have their cover story blown wide open. “That’s awesome! And then you can use it to get me home?”

“Well… we’ll see,” Twilight cautioned. “I’ll certainly do my best. I have a theory that adapting your energy signature to Star Swirl’s original mirror spell will let me link to your world through the mirror that takes me to Canterlot High. It could take a few days of testing.” Unable to hold it in anymore, Twilight let a huge grin spread across her face. “This is going to be so much fun!” she squealed.

River looked bothered for a moment. “A few days…? I didn’t think I’d be gone that long,” she murmured. Twilight’s excitement dimmed a little at the worry on the possibly-a-human’s face.

“Don’t worry, dear,” Rarity said soothingly. “I’m sure Twilight will work as quickly as she can.” Several other voices piped up to add to the encouragement, which had a visible calming effect on River. She took a deep breath, and nodded her head slowly.

“Well, I mean… You guys are my best bet of getting home. If I have to wait, I have to wait.” River’s face grew a little more strained. “But if you can hurry it at all without, y’know, putting anybody in danger, I’d really appreciate it.”

Twilight smiled again, already feeling the wave of internal energy that came whenever she was on the brink of a new research study. This could open an entirely new field in the understanding of inter-dimensional connectivity! The readings on her Dimensional Cross-Particle Energy Reader were already chock-full of interesting new data, and once she studied the effects of the human-turned-pony’s disruption of the native Equestrian magic particle fields, she could begin developing the matrix to unite the mirror’s interdimensional spell holdings with the foreign particles so as to lock onto that singular universe through reverse-wave photon spread—

“Well, this sure sounds like it’ll be fun for you, Twalight,” Applejack interrupted gently, which is when Twilight realized that she’d been chattering all of this techno-babble out loud. But the others just gave her those knowing grins and eye-rolls they always did when they had to deal with her Science Mode (except for River, who just stared at her with amazed incomprehension). Applejack nodded at River, still wary of the stranger but a little less suspicious than before. “Ah don’t know how we can help, but if ya say this here pony needs it, we’ll all pitch in where we can.”

“Naturally, darling.”

“And we’ll be ready to pound the monsters when they show up!” Rainbow thrust her chest out proudly.

“Then we’ll throw a sending-you-home-to-your-own-dimension party! Whoopie!” Pinkie Pie turned a somersault.

Twilight opened her mouth to thank her friends. She was surprised when she was interrupted. “Oh man, thank you guys so much.” Everypony turned to look at River, who had planted her hooves on the table. She looked like she was about to cry, and scrubbed at one moist eye with her hoof. “This is, just… I can’t tell you how freaked out I was, and I know you don’t have any reason to trust what I’m saying, but I really, really want to go home and—” She broke off, sucking in a breath. “Just… thanks a lot. I’m sure if anyone can figure it out, it’s you guys.”

Even Applejack looked touched by the genuine-sounding words. Twilight nodded to herself, feeling warm inside. They were definitely doing the right thing, helping this pony – human – get home. A niggle of worry poked at her enthusiasm, though: first, she had to find out if she could.

Twilight brushed off the negative thought. This might not be a Friendship Problem, but it was definitely a magic/science problem, and that was the next best thing!

----

Three Hours Later

It was not, in fact, the next best thing, for anypony.

“Okay, this time it’s sure to work!” Twilight said, exactly as she had the last seven times they’d tried the mirror machine that was currently connected to River’s head by a large, outlandish helmet that resembled a colander full of wires. River flinched involuntarily as Twilight reached for the lever that would turn it on.

“Is it going to shock me again?”

“Nooomaybe. I’m pretty sure I worked those bugs out this time.” Twilight cracked a nervous grin that did nothing to help River feel better, but, seeing no alternatives, River just closed her eyes and braced herself, praying that this time, something would actually happen.

She sort of got her wish; an electric shock that makes your hair (mane?) stand perfectly on end and sends you five inches off the floor is definitely something. “YEOW!!!” As soon as she could feel the floor under her feet (hooves) again, River ripped the heavy helmet off of her head and scrambled backwards. “Oh come on!” she yowled, more at the hunk of metal than anything. “What’ve you got against me, you jerk piece of tinfoil?!” Taking a few more deep breaths, River turned a beseeching on Twilight. “Is this ever going to work?” she moaned.

“Yes,” Twilight said firmly, already digging back into the machinery that she’d been fiddling with, attaching things to, and reassembling parts of for the better part of an hour. “We’re close to a breakthrough, I’m sure of it! Any time now!” But this time, there was no hiding the doubt in her voice. River heaved a sigh and flopped on the floor, face buried in her weird pony arm-legs while she tried to shut out the weirdness around her for a few minutes.

Despite Twilight’s optimism starting out, the last hour had quickly deteriorated everyone’s moods. Instead of helping Twilight narrow down the problem, the constant failures were confusing the alicorn to the point of open frustration. Spike could at least help with fetching and carrying Twilight's tools, but Rainbow Dash was bored out of her mind, bouncing off of the ceiling supports of Twilight’s laboratory like a bird searching vainly for a window, and Applejack and Rarity had invented a game where they pointed out interesting shapes formed by the crooked spindles of printer paper flopped accordion-like across the floor. Pinkie Pie had been sent off forty-five minutes ago to find Fluttershy in case they needed to use the Elements of Harmony against an attack of interdimensional monsters, but neither mare had returned, which meant that everypony else was secretly jealous of them.

And through all of this, River kept herself busy counting all of the reasons why she’d rather be anywhere than here, in a pony body, wearing weird pseudo-science gadgetry on her head that kept shocking her, and wondering when (or if) she would ever get home at this rate.

Watching Twilight work (and having nothing better to do than sit around and be a test dummy) had given River plenty of time to think about her situation. She’d long since decided that this couldn’t be a dream – none of her dreams were this vivid without her knowing it wasn’t real – but that didn’t make it any less amazing or freaky to be walking around in a Saturday morning kids’ cartoon. And the irony was not lost on her that this would be a dream come true for some people. The chance to explore another dimension? The thrill of meeting fictional characters in person? How exciting! How adventurous! And she liked adventure, right?

Except adventure in stories was usually a lot more exciting, and a lot less standing around in a room being simultaneously bored, anxious, and uncomfortable. (Well, okay, they did usually stress the uncomfortable parts.) And many of said adventure stories downplayed that whole bit where the heroine fretted over how worried her family was going to be when they discovered she had disappeared without a trace, not to mention what it would do to her job. That depressing line of thought kept growing on itself, until River spent only half of her time being bored and uncomfortable, and the other half suppressing anxiety attacks. She really, really wanted to go home, and the fact that doing so didn’t look any closer to happening wasn’t making her feel any better.

The human-turned-pony felt almost relieved when Twilight finally burst with frustration.

“I don’t understand!” The lavender alicorn trotted in a circle around the stubbornly closed mirror portal. “The readings are clearly showing signs of non-native dimensional particles on our end, but I can’t lock onto an exterior source point! It’s like something is interrupting the signal.” She trotted to River and set the helmet back on her head, magically manipulating parts of the wiring while scribbling something on a clipboard. River felt a little envious of how easy magic made multitasking.  

“Perhaps you should take a break, Darling,” Rarity suggested gently, wading over through the sheaves of paper print-outs that littered the floor. “You’re beginning to look a little worse for wear.”

Twilight made a “Pfffff” sound of dismissal, despite the fact that several strands of her mane were hanging in her face. “I’m fine. I won’t really freak out until we’ve gone twelve straight hours without any clear breakthroughs. Then, oh-ho, then you’ll see what stress looks like!” She gave a shallow laugh, which died quickly when nopony laughed with her.

“If’n it’s anythin’ like the time she thought she was overdue for a letter to Princess Celestia, I don’t wanna be around at that point,” Applejack murmured. Rainbow Dash made an agreeing hum as she floated lazily by on her back as only a magically-gravity-defying creature can.

River cleared her throat. It felt ridiculous to make suggestions about the use of magic to a genius pony princess from a highly fluorescent TV show, but what could it hurt? “Um, Twilight? What about that Energy Particle device thing you were using in the council room? Is that any help?”

The device in question flew through the air on a wave of purple-pink magic, coming to a floating stop in front of Twilight’s squinting eyes. “Yes, it’s providing me with the data on your foreign dimensional particles. But it seems to be having the same problem as my particle translation device.” Twilight looked up and saw the roomful of slightly impatient stares. She heaved a sigh and then trotted back over to the mirror, pointing at various parts as she explained what she was trying to do.

“You all – except maybe you, River – remember how I used this device to create a stable portal to Canterlot High’s world using the preexisting spell in Sunset Shimmer’s journal?” Everypony nodded, looking at the point on the mirror where Twilight’s copy of that magical journal usually floated. It had been removed for this experiment, and now wires and cables snaked down from that access point, most of them leading to the colander on River’s head. “That is an example of Multiverse Connectivity – connecting two separate universes through a common link, which in that case was a pre-existing spell that linked two items across the dimensional divide. The mirror already provides the basic spell for connecting the universes in the first place; I’m just trying to change the search parameters so it will know we’re trying to find a different universe!” Twilight caused the device in her magic to wave back and forth theatrically. “My Dimensional Cross-Particle Energy Reader is picking up on foreign dimensional particles that came through with River, so I theorized that I could use those readings to give the portal something to look for. Theoretically, if the spell can lock onto another spell across dimensions, it should be able to find a dimension full of the same particles River has and connect them to form a new portal!”

“So you’re saying the machine is looking at the weird particles on me,” River repeated slowly, restating to make sure she understood, “and is looking for other, matching particles out there in all the universes so it can show you where to point the portal?”

“Exactly!” Twilight exclaimed, ears perking. Her pleasure quickly faded back into a scowl, however. “But it’s not working. I thought it would be a simple application, but Starswirl’s original portal spell is amazingly complex, and changing it to locate a completely different substance and lock onto a new location is harder than I thought. I keep getting these weird feedback loops, like the portal is trying to turn in on itself.”

“Now hold on,” Applejack put in, frowning thoughtfully as she studied the mirror. “If’n you go changin’ which world the portal points to, d’ya risk losin’ your link to Canterlot High? I thought you said once that there’s a whole lotta worlds out there.”

Twilight shook her head. “No, if my plan works, it will be simple to redirect the portal back to Canterlot High; I’d just have to put the journal in as the source point, and it will snap back into place. Right now, the real challenge is finding the world River is from, because the portal has never connected to that one.”

River rubbed her eyes, trying to massage away the numb feeling in her brain. “So… what does that mean for getting me home?” she asked, hoping she’d sort of understand Twilight’s answer.

“It means we keep trying,” Twilight said stubbornly, and her horn erupted in more purple magic that began rapidly reassembling parts. “I’ve at least figured out how to jump the portal to a new location; the trick now is giving the mirror a clear trail to follow, which means I need to find out why your dimensional particles aren’t doing the job.”

That sounds complicated, River didn’t say out loud, because it would be stating the obvious, and she didn’t want to look like an idiot. Math and science had always been a little hard for her to grasp, and apparently, adding magical science to the mix did not help. Her brain felt foggy just trying to keep up.

Still, it was encouraging to see someone so dedicated to getting her home. That helped her calm down a little. And to suddenly realize that she had another problem to deal with.

Twilight was calling out orders now, sending the others into motion. “Rainbow Dash, see if you can hunt down Spike and ask him to bring two of those conductor cables instead of one. Applejack, can you look in the library for a book on thaumatergical wavelength studies? It should be in Section A-B17.335, it has a green cover with bright blue lightning bolts on the spine, you can’t miss it. Rarity, this’ll sound strange, but I could really use a bolt of that purple silk you had in your work room last week—”

“Um, Twilight?”

The purple alicorn swung to face her, staring with the focused intensity of someone who is thinking very hard about something else entirely. “Yes?”

“Uh, sorry to interrupt, but…” Her pony ears tipped downwards. “Can you tell me where the little pony’s room is…?”

Somepony in the room giggled, and was elbowed into silence. Twilight’s intensity faded a little, and she managed a smile. “Of course. Spike, can you—?” She stopped, apparently remembering that she’d sent Spike, and now everypony else, off running errands. “Orrr… here, this will show you the way.” Twilight lit her horn with a pinkish glow and touched it to River’s head. The black pony felt a slight shiver run over her skin, and then a faint purple ball of light appeared and slowly floated towards the exit. “There! Follow that, and it’ll take you right to the restrooms.”

River was already halfway out the door. “Thanks a ton! I’ll try to be quick!” she called back, her voice echoing and fading away in the cavernous crystal hallway.

Being out of that room was a relief unto itself. As River trotted after Twilight’s spell, she couldn’t help but goggle all over again at the gorgeous crystal castle (not to mention the magical light ball). It was probably a good thing that the guiding spell stayed within three feet of her, so she couldn’t lose it while she was distracted.

“Well, here I am. In the My Little Pony world. As a pony. Hopefully for real and not because my mind has finally snapped.” Sometimes talking out loud helped, although she was also enjoying how her voice echoed on the high ceilings. “All in all, this could be going a lot worse,” she added, trying to be upbeat. Despite her initial panic, she’d had enough presence of mind to make up a handful – hoofful? – of rules for herself before arriving on Twilight’s doorstep. Rule Number One: avoid telling the ponies that their world was a supposedly-fictional TV show. A good rule, except she hadn’t considered how that would mesh with explaining why she knew about Twilight’s existence. That had led to more yelling and accusations of espionage than she ever wanted to hear again in her life. River made an amendment to Rule Number One: don’t tell people they are from a fictional TV show, OR that you know things no normal pony would know without being a spy or a stalker.

She was pretty proud of the explanation she’d come up with to cover her slip; it wasn’t a lie, and it sounded saner than the detailed truth. It fit well with Rule Number Two: be as honest as possible. Not that she was prone to lying, anyway, but there were enough fanfictions covering this sort of thing to make it clear that she wasn’t going to get far if she fiddle-farted around with no clue what she was doing. Those two rules were all she’d come up with, but despite some awkwardness, it was working out well so far. Probably more would pop up as she went, hopefully before she broke her or somebody else’s brain.  

With that less than encouraging thought on her mind, River sent a little prayer for sanity and calm nerves heavenward. Then she focused her attention back on her most current and pressing need, which involved following a bobbing, magical spell to the restrooms.

There’s a good reason why they don’t discuss how the ponies in the aforementioned television show use the restroom, and it’s the same reason why it won’t be discussed here. Let it be said only that it wasn’t actually that different. The hardest part was figuring out how to work the sink, and River was so involved in maneuvering her black-coated hooves around the shiny silver handles that she didn’t realize she was no longer the only person in the room.

“Really, is it too much to ask that you mares put up the toilet seat once in a while?”

“AAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!!”

Discord rung a finger in his ear as he stared up at the unicorn clinging from a light fixture in a rictus of panic. “If you haven’t discovered your special talent yet, my dear, I would venture it has something to do with shattering glass via sound waves,” he said dryly.

“What are you doing in here?!” River screeched.

“What, the Lord of Chaos can’t use the facilities?”

“This is the ladies’ room!!!”

Discord tilted his serpentine neck back in an upside-down U, giving the door River had entered a thoughtful study. “Is it? You’re sure?”

River paused for a long moment, gripped in the paralyzing fist of uncertainty.

“You look to be a smidge stuck.” Discord quite abruptly stood eye-to-eye with her, which, considering she currently hung upside down from a light fixture, was a little disconcerting. River glanced down (up?) at the floor and realized the cartoon-physics-level height that she’d just jumped.

“Well you kind of snuck up and freaked me the crap out,” she snapped, clutching the light fixture tightly. “Is defying gravity common in Equestria? Also if this isn’t the ladies’ room, Twilight’s magical guide over there,” she tilted her head towards the hovering ball of purple light by the door, “needs to be fired, and while we’re on the subject, would you mind helping me down, please?” Maybe she could have worded that last request more politely, but she was a little focused on her current height off the ground.

Discord’s bright yellow eyes widened with mock regret. (Oh yes, River could feel the “mock” there.) “My dear lady, it would behoove me to help a pony I’ve so unfortunately distressed.” River wasn’t really that surprised when the hoof on Discord’s left hind goat leg literally popped off and bounced across the tiles like a rubber ball. “Will this do the trick?” The loony ex-villain folded his body into the shape of a staircase that led down to the floor. After a moment of considering how weird it would be to walk on stairs that were actually a person, River decided that this was the least weird part of her day, and soon she was back on the bathroom tile.

While Discord remolded himself into his normal discordant shape, River took a long moment to stare at the draconequees. Now that she was feeling less panicked from a combination of being snuck up on and finding a guy in the girls’ restroom, she could fully appreciate the fact that standing in front of her was Discord: that loopy, kind of entertaining, somewhat emotionally unstable chaos master who used to be a villain and now showed up once in a while, apparently trying to be a good guy. He looked even more discombobulated in person, with all of those mismatched animal parts that somehow worked together to form his body. And he had a smug look on his face, like he knew something she didn’t. It was all a little unnerving… and, well, kind of interesting.

Well, it wouldn’t hurt to be cordial, River decided, and put on her best smile. Plus, hey, maybe he can help Twilight figure out how to get me home. “Sorry about yelling. Thanks for your help. I’m… visiting.” After the confusion with Twilight, maybe it would be a good idea to not pour out her entire weird story the second she met people in this world. She’d call that Rule Number Three.

Discord waved her off, smiling indulgently (which is a really irritating way to smile at somebody, just saying). “I shan’t hold it against you. Myself, I was just popping by to say hello to my dear friend, Princess Twilight Sparkle. We’re quite close, you know.” His uneven eyes widened innocently. “I heard that there might be a little bit of a situation!”

“Oh, hey! That could be really helpful. I’m kind of the reason for the situation,” River said with a nervous giggle. She glanced around at their present location. Yup, still (as best as she could tell) the mare’s room. “Soooo um, out of curiosity: if you’re here to see them, what brought you in here?”

“Well, when a guy eats certain spicy dishes for lunch, he eventually—”

River waved a hoof in a rapid erasure. “No, I mean what are you doing in the ladies’ room? Did Twilight send you to find me, or do you just… I don’t know, usually walk into restrooms for the opposite gender? I mean, I know you’re Discord and everything, but come on. Boundaries.”

At this, Discord smugly drew to his full height, suddenly wearing a nice suit with a VIP badge. He raised a bushy white eyebrow. “Excuse me, Miss ‘River’, but while you are obviously new here, I happen to be Discord: esteemed friend of the Elements of Harmony, not to mention personal confidant of the Element of Kindness, an official Cutie Mark Crusader, and Inter-Dimensional Pie Contest Judge Supreme. I’m sure that, of the two of us, I have greater visitation rights and bathroom privileges in this particular castle than one little lost human.”

River’s eyes narrowed, partly from annoyance at his snarky attitude, and partly because little alarm bells were going off in her head. “I didn’t get around to telling you I’m a human yet.” She narrowed her eyes further. “And I didn’t tell you my name was River.”

“Really? My mistake. I probably determined it from your highly thematic cutie mark design,” Discord said casually, poofing from the spot where he’d been standing and reappearing near River’s flank to investigate the mechanical pencil/river-themed mark. She resisted the urge to horse-kick him out of her Personal Space Bubble, but only barely. “Really, if you’re going to blend in around here, it wouldn’t hurt to take a less conspicuous name for a while.”

She noted that for later. “And the ‘human’ part?”

He hand-waved this. “I’m sure I simply overheard that when I passed by the lab on the way here.”

River chewed her lip, still eyeing him warily. That…maybe made sense. She felt like she’d missed something, though. Stop being paranoid, she scolded herself. Discord was a good guy now! Okay, he was still learning how to be a good guy, if the show was any gauge, but that was beside the point. River plunked her hindquarters on the tile floor and rubbed her head, grimacing when she accidentally bonked the horn poking through her hair. “Okay, fine. Sorry if I’m being a grump. It’s been a weird day and I get testy when I’m stressed out.” She took a deep breath and mustered what she hoped was a nice smile. “Let’s start over. You already picked up the bit about me being a human in a pony body, so at least we can skip that part! Are you here to help Twilight figure out how to send me home?” He knows how to open portals to other dimensions, right? I’m sure I remember something like that happening.

“Oh, I’m sure Twilight doesn’t need little old me to help with a big magical friendship problem like that,” Discord said cheerfully. “But of course I’ll offer my meager services.” In an unexpected scene change, River suddenly found herself sitting at a small wooden dining set, set with tea, across from Discord. The gray-headed draconequus leaned on the table with a look of fascination. (Yes, the whole set-up was still in the restroom.) “First things first, though! How are you liking your little soiree in Equestria, my dear?”

“It’s, uh…I mean, it’s pretty cool.” River shrugged uneasily, trying to figure out how to sit without bending her tail the wrong way. “I’d be more relaxed if I knew I had a reliable way of getting home. Speaking of which, I probably better get back—”

“What, you don’t like it here?” Discord put a lion paw to his heart, adopting a wounded look. “Is our colorful dimension not exciting enough for you?”

River frowned at him. “That’s not it. If you were just ripped out of your home unexpectedly, not to mention one that—” She stopped short. No, no, Rule Number One. “Uh, not to mention being turned into a different species, wouldn’t you be freaked out?”

Discord thought this over, leaning back in his chair while the teacup in his hand added sugar to itself. “Hmmm, well, it’s not exactly a problem I have to deal with on a regular basis,” he said. There was that touch of smug again; she couldn’t decide if it was normal for him, or if he was being snarky because she’d yelled at him earlier. A second later, though, Discord’s bushy white eyebrows dipped thoughtfully. Those yellow and red eyes studied her up and down, as if trying to figure out an unusual puzzle. “Personally, though, I’m surprised that you came here. A whole new world at your hooftips, and you go running for help? I won’t say it’s not practical, but don’t you types normally like to wander around a bit, take in the sights and such before you go on your grand quest to get home or whatever?”

“Well, sure, if this happened to some people, they’d probably—” River’s mouth clapped shut as his words caught up to her. There were those alarm bells again! “Are you saying this has actually happened to other people? I thought this sort of thing only happened in fanfiction! How many of us are there?!”

Discord’s guffaw echoed loudly in the porcelain acoustics of the restroom. “You say that as if you aren’t sitting right here! Oh, it’s too rich! To answer your question, my dear, you’re the only one in town that I’m aware of at the moment. But the occasional visitor from another dimension pops in more often than dear Twilight realizes.”  

River felt a little thrill of excitement and leaned forward. “If you know so much about interdimensional travel, do you know how to send me home? I’d be happy not to have to waste more of Twilight’s time.” That reminded River of just how long she’d been gone. She stood quickly and began working her way around the space-hogging tea table. “Speaking of which, we should really be getting back, I don’t want Twilight to think I’ve run off—”

“Oh, certainly!” Discord poofed the table out of existence and stood. River could hear his mismatched feet tapping on the floor as he followed her, still talking in a casual tone. “It’s really a shame that you plan to run off so quickly, though. And to say you aren’t happy being in that lovely pony body! One might think that anypony would be pleased to try out something of their own design…”

River stopped, one hoof hovering in the air. Those alarm bells from earlier? Yeah, they were going full Defcon One now. All of the pieces, the little hints and jabs, fell into place like a magical self-ordering puzzle.

Slowly, the black-coated, blue-maned unicorn turned on her hoof, blue eyes narrowing to slits.

“YOU did this to me,” she hissed.

Discord smirked, lounging backwards in midair with his arms comfortably folded behind his head. “Took you long enough, ‘River Babble’.”

“What—! How— W—” River sputtered a full thirty seconds before something intelligible came out. “Why?!”

Discord shrugged, radiating full smug by this point. “You’re the oh-so-smart writer who gets everyone in character, aren’t you? YOU figure it out.”

“Writer? This has something to do with my writing? But what did—” Her eyes widened. “Oh my word, is this about that My Little Pony fanfiction I’m working on?” The ridiculous truth slammed her in the face. “Does this have something to do with what I wrote about you?”

Discord sniffed, rolling his eyes up to look at the ceiling. “It’s entirely possible that you’re getting warmer.”

“Oh my freaking word.” River put a hoof to her head, mind racing. “W…wait, wait, clear something up for me here.” A terrible thought had entered her head. If the show was real, then that meant that the writers of the show were writing about real events. And if that was true, and Discord knew about the story she’d been writing… “Are the things I write real?” River sucked in a harsh breath. “Am I…am I making things happen to real people?!”

For a little context, it is important to note that in certain internet social circles where River spent a great deal of time, there was a popular headcanon among many authors, writers, creators, and otherwise imaginative people. The theory was that, somewhere, somehow, in some other dimension or universe, the events and characters someone wrote about came into existence, unfolding exactly how the writer dictated. That the writer was, in fact, almost god-like in their ability to affect the lives of these characters they had created.

While this theory was popular by some, it was not River’s favorite theory by a long shot. Several choice events she had written or was planning to write about bounced through her head and made sent a sick feeling in her stomach – including the one Discord was talking about. The scene involved Discord being confronted with a super-powerful creature of dark magic whom he had made a deal with centuries ago, and finding out what a bad idea making a deal with a super-powerful creature of dark magic really was. It was going to lead into all sorts of important plot development with the main characters trying to stop the creature of dark magic, and Discord trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to hinder it from his captured position. It was important to the story, even though it did not, in fact, offer a flattering view of Discord’s strength.

But if she was actually creating real-life events… If she were somehow responsible for hurting people…

Discord’s guffaw bounced around the bathroom again, breaking River out of her frantic circle of worrying. “Don’t flatter yourself, my dear! None of that drivel has actually happened. Whatever the humans who make that silly TV show adaptation have got, I assure you that you don’t have it.” He narrowed his eyes. “That doesn’t excuse your portraying me in such an unflattering light, of course. Making it out like I, the Lord of Chaos, could be overpowered so easily. It’s insulting!” He sniffed dramatically.

Intense relief flooded River. She hadn’t hurt anyone… But, with the release of the fear came a fresh flood of indignant rage. “You did this over something that’s not even—? That’s insane!” River exclaimed. “I haven’t even posted it online yet! It’ll be ages until I do, and for crying out loud, I am pretty sure my story is far from the worst thing ever written about you! I mean have you even SEEN three-fourths of the shipping fics that exist?!” She was waving her hooves by this point. “At least in my story, you were going to come out a way better person by the end of everything!” Her volume rose with her anger, so River was fully maxed out by the time she pointed a hoof at herself and shrieked, “Are you really telling me that you yanked me out of my home and mutated me because you were mildly insulted?!?”

Discord shrugged, showing no concern at all for her full-on rant. He even smirked. “That, and it’s a fun prank to pull.”

“Oh my word.” River flung a hoof in the air, rolling her eyes. Some thought in the back of her mind – that little one linked to her sense of survival – quietly questioned if yelling at a super-powered magical creature of chaos was either smart or safe. Angry rants rarely run on rational thought, though, so it was ignored. River marched up to Discord and reared up on her back legs so that she could plant a hoof as high up his chest as possible. “Send. Me back. Now,” she growled.

“Well, that’s no fun.” Discord tut-tutted, waving an eagle talon back and forth in her face. “You’ve only just gotten here! I’d hardly be doing you a favor by sending you back so soon.”

“Listen, dude, I’ve got family and friends who’ll worry about me, not to mention a job. And I shouldn’t be here. So unless you convince me I’ll be sent back to the exact time and place that I left, I’m in a bit of a hurry!”

“Oh, River Babble, don’t get yourself tied up in a knot!” The draconequus giggled as his serpentine body jumbled into an impossible tangle. “Learn to have some fun! You’ll certainly have some time to, since you,” he tapped her playfully on the nose, “are going to be a pony for a good little while yet.”

River narrowed her eyes. “So you’re not going to send me home?”

“Let me think about it…mmmno.”

She turned on her hoof and marched out the door. “Then I’m telling Twilight!”

Discord blinked, jaw dropping open as the door swung shut in his face. “Wha—!” He poofed out of the restroom, reappearing in front of River and wearing a scandalized look. “Are you seriously going to tattle on me? How old are you?”

“Oh, don’t give me that,” River snorted, skirting around him and trotting faster down the hall. The purple spell Twilight had sent with her guided the way back towards where the Elements of Harmony would be. “‘Tattling’ is what bullies accuse little elementary school kids of doing so they won’t tell the teacher that the bullies are being jerks!”

“Jerk, wellll, that’s a bit of a harsh term,” Discord protested, floating faster to keep up with her. “Maybe you just need to learn to take a joke!” He frowned after her as she kept marching. “What makes you think they’ll believe you over me, anyway?”

“Oh, so you’re going to lie to them! What a great friend you are!” River grated, marching right on. The concern in Discord’s voice began to sink in. Discord was worried! He didn’t want her to tell Twilight! River paused long enough to point a hoof at him. “I know why you came here. You weren’t expecting me to spill the beans to Twilight first thing! You’re hoping to run me off before she can find a way to send me home, to prolong your little joke!” She set off trotting again, feeling a hot surge of satisfaction. “Well, forget it, Discord. I’m not playing your stupid game!”

In another poof of smoke, Discord appeared so directly in front of River that she smacked her nose into him. He was scowling down at her. “Look, Miss Priss, I was going to send you back eventually,” he muttered, glancing around as if he were afraid somepony would overhear. “But if you go whining to Twilight, I definitely won’t be in a charitable mood for helping you out!”

“Too bad.” River skirted him again, hopping over his red, tufted tail. “I guess I’m just back at Plan A. I bet Twilight will figure it out faster than you would take sending me home!” Boiling mad and running on a granite-hard stubborn streak, there was no stopping her now.

Discord, for whatever reason, wasn’t using any truly forceful means to stop her, even though he obviously could. Maybe he was conscious enough of what being a good guy meant to know that that would be taking things too far. Of course, his moral compass was obviously still skewed a bit, if this was his idea of a prank. The draconequus appeared in front of her again, this time forming a brick barricade and wearing a comical green military outfit. “Hold up just a minute!” he ordered. River ignored him and walked up to the wall, searching for a way through.

Discord jogged over to her, his face sour. “Fine, if you’re going to be all high and mighty, I’ll have to pull out the big guns.” He leaned close to her, eyebrow waggling. “You didn’t happen to see anything come through with you, did you?”

River slowed just a little. The question sank down through her bubble of liquid anger, settling into her brain. She glanced sideways at him. “There wasn’t anything around me when I woke up…” Was there? She tried to think.

With a flourish of his hand, Discord conjured a little bubble in his talon. Inside of the bubble, as if seen through a fuzzy television screen, sat a rectangular, blue device. River’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Is that my 3DS? You brought some of my stuff?”

That smug grin was reasserting dominance on Discord’s face. He observed the bubble, twisting it back and forth. “It might be. Oh, I don’t have it here, of course; who knows where it’s gone off to. I’d imagine you’d want to look for it so you don’t leave it here, though.”

River turned this over in her mind for a moment. Yes, that would be a shame – she really liked that 3DS, even if it did have a broken hinge. And which game did it have plugged into it right now? Was she at risk of losing her hard-earned Pokedex collection?!

She suddenly realized what he was doing. With a growl, River turned back to the brick wall blocking her way, found an urn against the wall, and clumsily scrambled over it, hopping down on the other side. She was not going to let him have his way that easily!

Discord was immediately after her, calling out a list of items that only fueled River’s angry sense of purpose.

“Wait! Seriously? You’re just going to leave that?”

“It’s replaceable and I probably play it too much, anyway!”

“What about your phone?”

That one hurt. “It’ll probably turn up!”

“Your wallet?”

“Pretty sure no ponies are going to steal my credit cards or my identity!”

“Well, if you don’t care about those things, I suppose you aren’t worried about Chewie.”

This time, River stopped dead. Not just her body, either – her whole brain came to a screeching, grinding halt. Slowly, with the same gravity but much more mounting horror than back at the restroom, River turned, stared at Discord, and asked him exactly what he was implying.

With a face entirely full of smug, he told her.

“You. Did. WHAT?!!!”

----

Twilight stopped in the middle of her explanation of one of the parts of the attachment she was constructing. Her horn was pinging. A worried line crossed the alicorn’s face.

“What’s up, Twilight?” Spike asked, setting down a large bundle of wiring.

“Something’s wrong. My spell is supposed to bring River straight back here. But it’s getting out of range!” She flared her wings, signaling Rainbow Dash to follow her. “Come on, we need to check on her!”

They zoomed out, buzzing over the heads of the finally returning Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. The pink-and-yellow pegasus was brimming with happiness as she stepped over the threshold. “Girls, you’ll never believe what I—”

“No time, Fluttershy!” Twilight yelled, as she and Rainbow Dash bolted down the hall.

Twilight’s stomach continued to sink as the spell led her further and further down the halls. They stopped at the restroom, which was empty. (Rainbow asked a random question about how Twilight had gotten hoofmarks on the ceiling, but Twilight ignored it.) They continued to follow the ping of Twilight’s horn, until at last, they landed at the door of the castle – and Twilight’s fears were confirmed.

“She’s left the castle! She’s gone!”