Sunday 10/4th.

-Recap-

It's been three days. None of the ponies had visited or talked to me ever since Trixie left. Well, except for Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, and Rainbow only talked to me once, yesterday. She was expecting an apology from me. I told her that I couldn't rightfully do so and had explained why. I asked her what she thought would have happened if the four of them kept their mouths shut and didn't heckle in the first place, but instead moved on. For one, my voice would've been saved. Buildings would have been spared, and they wouldn't have made an enemy. Yes. They did make an enemy out of Trixie. I said 'they', meaning them. The ponies. I think they're still my friends, but uh, they handled it wrong themselves, while I tried to diffuse the situation. They just didn't listen. Rainbow thought about it and begrudgingly agreed that thing could have been better.

Fluttershy came by with more fish and told me to just give them time. It sounds like a good idea. In this pink 'n' peaceful land of ponies, unicorns, sunshine and rainbows, I doubt anyone had ever told them off like I did. I only respect 4 of the six now. Rainbow, I still like her. She admitted her faults. Sure, I had to corner her like Phoenix Wright on a good day in court first, but she admitted it. Applejack is being stubborn towards the entire situation, giving me a nasty glare whenever we cross paths. She's the Element of Honesty. Well I'll 'honestly' say that she's being an 'honest' pain in the ass. No doubt she told Jack what happened. No worries, because I'll just explain everything that happened to him. Jack understands me more than he'll understand anyone else. Fluttershy never instigated, Twilight not only didn't decide to jump on the bandwagon, but also saw to reason. Pinkie, I was starting to worry about. I hadn't seen her the day of the incident, nor have I seen her the day after. My worries were put to rest when I saw her yesterday. She had told me she was sick that day. I wish she would've given me notice so I could let her friends know. I apologized for not being of any use. You know, to make her feel cared for at most, even though I don't really have anything to be sorry about. I'm nice like that. Rarity? Fuck her. Enough said. Before she left, Trixie said that she would come back to Ponyville soon, if everything went well. Nothing if only to visit me and my fellow homo sapiens.

-Recap over-

I woke up to commotion outside. That's not the only thing that hit me. For some reason I had this horrid migraine. That could only mean four things. Either the stress is getting to me, I am actually sick, I am drinking too much coffee with breakfast, or... I opened the window. Of course. It was cloudy. For those who don't know, for some people,grey skies can trigger a migraine for some people. Unfortunately, I am one of those people. I got out of my bed and went downstairs. The closer I was to the commotion, the more pain I felt in my head. I had to find out what was going on, but I wish the ponies out there would shut up!

Traevon saw me heading out. When I opened the door, I wanted to tell them to shut up. It was starting to become too much though. I couldn't take it anymore. I began to lose my field of vision as it narrowed. Ocular Migraine. Bro saw me struggling and helped me back up to my room and in bed. A splitting pain in my head along with blindness.

"Thanks bro."

"Take it easy on the caffeine next time."

"You know I only have one cup of joe a day. It's the clouds."

"Those aren't regular clouds. Brianna said that Twilight believes it's dragon smoke. Apparently a sleeping dragon is emitting enough smoke to cover the skies. Our pony girls are headed up there now." He told me.

Them? Against a dragon?!? I knew I couldn't help, but I know someone who would want to go on a manly hike up the mountains to earn some man points for taking on a dragon.

"Bro, can you do me a favor and ask Jeff for a favor?" I asked.

I was up and ready for some work. We were almost done with one of the buildings that got destroyed by that giant bear. I'm sure those two jerkoffs were waiting for me but before I go out, I needed some meat on my bones! Fuck these ponies! I'm eatin' meat! I'm no grass eater. These ponies even eat flowers. That's fucking disgusting. I cook myself some bacon to go with pancakes Hiroto fixed. Time to do my fifty pushups. Back on Earth, I'd usually have my own weight set to help me start off the day. I told Traevon he needed to get more man muscle. He said he wasn't a 'muscle head'. Fuck that shit! After that, I ended up waiting for Mr. Wilson to get out of the bathroom. He's probably puttin on cologne for a date with Apple Ass. I'll never understand how he's been turned into a horse fucker. Judging from what Xavier told me, he'll stick his dick in any girl. Mr. Roberts, (Traevon. Not his father.) walked up to me.

"Good morning Jeff."

"Yeah."

"You don't have any plans, do you?"

"Got somethin for me?"

"Yeah. Favor from Xavier. He wants you help the girls get rid of a dragon on the mountains. He thinks they'll need some man power. He said he'd go but uh, he's under the weather today."

Hah! Perfect!

"Say no more, say no more. I'll help the ponies take care of the dragon for the little guy! Hahaha! Just leave that oversized lizard to me and my man Hank."

"Hank?"

I didn't answer that question. I just put on my combat boots, my trench coat, my shades for extra bad-assery, and went to the garage to get my babies. Hank's my favorite, but I didn't want him to be lonely on the trip, so I picked up Charlie too.

I went through everything. Hank? Check. Charlie? Check. Got plenty of food for the two. Body armor? Check. Hah! This is gonna be fun. My other babies seemed sad to see me go but I told 'em I'd be back. With that I was ready to turn a dragon's head into swiss fucking cheese! Hahah! I flung Charlie and Hank over my back and walked out the front door.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mya37pvO0LM

I walked through the panicking ponies towards the giant tree they all called a library. Can this place get more sissified?!? I took a breath and kicked the fuckin' door open like I gave no shits. The six turned to look at the newcomer.

"I heard ya have an overgrown lizard problem."

The ponies glared at me. I know they got a problem with me. I can see it in their eyes. They look at me like that all the damn time. I told them I was going with them in Xavier's favor. They should thank him. They have a man to protect them from the big baddies they may come across. They told me what was going on. Their princess was sending these ponies up to a dragon's lair. The princess should be the one doing that shit! After the briefing, the ponies went their own ways to get ready. I was already.

We were outside, Purple Starbutt over there reading a map while Butterfly's trying to puss out and stay behind, but Starbutt wouldn't take any of it. Apparently Butterfly's good with animals. Probably frolics with chipmonks and bunnies. She'll get laughed at before she gets fried by the dragon. I'd say leave her wimpy ass behind and go on without her. She's slowing us down!

"Let's just leave her already! I got shit to do and nothing's getting done while we wait for Miss Shivers over there to grow a pair!"

The ponies glared at me as if I should give any fucks.

"Why don't you just go home already?!" said Speedy Skittles.

"Why don't you pick a hair color and stick with it!"

"Rainbow! Calm down. Xavier said it's just the way he is." Starbutt said. She turned to me. "We have to bring her because she's our best chance at getting the dragon to move peacefully."

I took out Michael and cocked him. This opened Speedy Skittles's eyes. I guess Xavier showed her what these things can do. "Who said it had to be peaceful? Why can't I just blow his fucking head off?!"

"We'd prefer to handle things in a civilized manner without such brutish methods." Said Diamond Butt.

"I get it. We need Miss Shivers. Got it."

"Fluttershy, you have to come with us. You're good with animals." Said Starbutt

"I don't... think I..."

I don't have time for this shit. I walked over there while putting both of my weapons on one side, picked up Miss Shivers and threw her over the other shoulder making her squeak. "Alright! Let's go! Move your asses!" I commanded impatiently, starting my way to the smoke-emitting mountain.

"Let go of her you plebeian!" demanded Diamond Butt.

"I said MOVE your ASSES I got other things I wanna do!!"

Purple Starbutt followed me. Atleast one of them can hear. "He's right. As questionable his attitude is, the sooner we move that dragon, the better."

"Thank you Starbutt!"

"It's Twilight Sparkle."

When we got to the mountain, Skittles tried to zip up to the top alone. That fucking moron. I was glad Applebutt suggested going together. I climbed the walls with Miss Shivers on my back. Eventually we made it across a gap that they had to jump across. Miss Shivers was practically begging me not to fall. All it took was one step for me. Are you fucking serious. Anyway, we continued walking. Shivers decided to walk since she didn't wanna be a burden. I let her down. She really wasn't that heavy. My babies weighed more than she did. I walked behind the ponies. Skittles flew under a tree that somehow grew up here. A leaf landed on Shiver's ass.

"AVALA-!"

Applebutt stuck her hoof in her mouth. I would've knocked her out. What happened next? She caused an actual fucking avalanche! She fucked up badly! Wanna know what happened next? We were running from the falling rocks. I ended up saving Starbutt from a large boulder. I got caught under the last boulder. It crushed my legs. The ponies didn't even notice... yet.

My blood curdling scream. got their attention. Applebutt and Skittles tried to pull me out by pulling my arms, but there was a giant fucking rock keeping me pinned!

"CUT MY LEGS OFF!!!" I begged. They refused! I guess they're just going to leave me here, pinned. They sure as hell weren't going to be able to pull me out from under the rock. "JUST DO IT! DON'T YOU LEAVE ME HERE!!!"

"Calm down! We're not going to cut your legs off!" Argued Starbutt. I guess they can't handle the sight of a little blood.

Starbutt and Diamondbutt both used their magicy horns to lift the boulder off of my legs. Right. I forgot. We're in a land full of magical ponies. Well, I couldn't walk. I crawled. I dragged myself on the ground, continuing on. I didn't look back. Of course I was trailing blood. Starbutt demanded that we take a rest. Good thing Shivers brought medical equipment. She tended to my legs. She did owe me after all since this was all her fucking fault. Xavier's too. He owes me a drink. She managed to stop the bleeding, but I was still crippled. Shivers offered me a 'hoof'.

"You sure you can take my weight, Shivers?" I was still mad at her.

"Well.. this is my fault after all.. it would only be right if i try... if...that's okay with you.."

Shivers is supposed to be the one to stop a fucking dragon... Bullshit. We got there after a while. Shivers was carrying me. If I have to give her credit for one thing, she was pretty damn fit. She could wrestle a bear if she wasn't a coward. We got there soon enough. I rolled off of her and set myself up behind a rock. Starbutt was giving orders. She told Skittles to clear the skies, ADHD to distract (She pulled out a rubber chicken), but when she told Applebutt to ready the apples, I had to say something.

"I'm the one with a real goddamn weapon! You're tellin her to shoot apples?!?"

I was ignored. Starbutt said that it wouldn't be necessary because Shivers could handle it. She wouldn't fight off a goddamn wet napkin! Starbutt went in alone while Shivers stuck her head in the ground like an ostrich. Spineless. Starbutt came back out and pulled her head out. Everyone then started trying to push the coward in.

"You have to do this now! Every second longer that dragon sleeps is another acre of Equestria that is covered in smoke!"

"I... I.. I can't go in the cave.." The coward spoke.

"Oh great. She's scared of caves now.." said Speedy Skittles

"I'm not afraid of caves... i'm afraid of..."

"What's that sugarcube?" Asked Appleutt

"I'MAFRAIDOFDRAGONS!" screamed the big filly.

"You wanna know why I'm up here?!?"

Everyone looked at me.

Skittles was the first to ask. "Why? You've been giving us nothing but making us all feel uncomfortable!"

"Xavier would be in my place right now if he was feeling well. He's sick! Cloudy skies causes him to get painful migranes! Sometimes to the point where it fucking blinds him!" This caught Skittle's attention. "And that damn dragon is the one making the clouds that's hurting him! Wanna know something else?! The guy sent me to make sure all of you came back safe!"

The ponies looked down. They should! "I'm like a soldier! I'm fighting for my folks back home that's unable to! I'll die on the battlefield for them. Can you say the same, Shivers?!?"

"I....can't... i'm sorry..." Shivers whispered.

The bitch was walking away! I sighed. I guess some of us were meant to be cowards. With that, we all tried to give it a shot. Starbutt went in first. She tried to reason with the dragon, but it turns out, the dragon's an ass! Diamond Butt went next, but only pissed it off by trying to pull the old flattering while shoplifting trick with his treasure. I'm starting to see why Xavier doesn't like this one... ADHD went in. Don't know what happened, but she came out a mess. Skittles attacked it. I reached for my babies. No... My legs are too fucked up. That would only get me killed. The ponies were pushed out by smoke and crashed against a nearby rock... the one with the coward hiding behind it with enough force to crack it. The dragon was about to finish them. Well, boys. It was nice knowing you.

I reached for my assault rifle, Hank. I was gonna go out using my favorite. Sorry Charlie. I aimed for the head and fired.

'RATATATTATATATATATATATATATAT'

The dragon only flinched at the bullets. Man his scales must be hard as a tank's armor! I got his attention though. Well, while he's munching on my burnt corpse, that should buy the others enough time to book it. I grinned at my impending doom. Another thing soldiers fight and die for would be their fellow soldiers.

"How....dare...you..."

Well, no regrets, besides coming to this girly sissified hell-hole.

"How dare you!!!"

The coward does have a higher volume.

"Listen here mister! Just because you're big, doesnt mean you get to be a bully!"

She's in the dragon's face!

"You may have huge teeth and sharp scales snores smoke and breathes fire, but you do not, i repeat, you do NOT! HURT! MY! FRIENDS!!!"

Holy mother of God! I lowered my shades at the sight.

"You got that?" The dragon winced. "Well?!"

"But that rainbow one hit me. And the monkey chucked rocks at me." The dragon spoke.

"HEY!" I yelled. He just called me a fuckin monkey!

"And I'm very sorry about that!" She said.

"I'M NOT!" She shot me a look. I got the message.

She continued. "But you're bigger than they are and you should know better!" Wait... so by her logic, that Giant Baby Star Bear from a few days ago should've known better than to cause all that damage just because it was bigger? I think I'm gonna question her on that later. "You should also know better than to take a nap when your snoring can become a health hazard to other creatures."

"But I-"

"Don't you 'But I' me, mister! Now what do you have to say for yourself?" The dragon said nothing. "I said what do you have to say for yourself?!"

I thought I'd seen everything. I was then watching a dragon breaking down, crying. Holy shit! He just shamed dragons everywhere in every plane of existence. Every dragon! Alduin looks down on you and shake his head, sir.

"There there, no need to cry." Cry over my broken legs! "You're not a bad dragon." Say that when I can walk! "You just made a bad decision." A very fucking bad one that caused my friend's little brother a headache, and not to mention MY FUCKING LEGS ARE BROKEN! "Now go pack your things. You just need to find a new place to sleep.That's all."

And with that, the dragon was off and the sky cleared up. I put my weapons over my shoulder before I lied down on my back. I was getting weak. The bleeding's stopped, but I still lost a lot of blood. I'm surprised I didn't black out sooner. Shivers and the others galloped towards me shortly before I passed out.

I was asleep for what seemed to be hours. The headache was gone. I looked out of the window and the skies were clear.

"Hey there monkey boy. Finally awake?" I heard a familiar voice.

"Hey Skittles. I take it things went well with the dragon and no one got hurt?" I asked.

"Yeah, well, Jeff's legs got broken while saving Twilight but he's in the hospital healing up right now." Rainbow confessed. "I wish you were there instead of him. He's a jerk! All he could say to Fluttershy was 'Ya did good in the end but you cost me my legs.'" She did a poor impersonation of Jeff.

"He's a headstrong gung-ho manly man. It's kinda how he is. Besides, think about it. This is a big step for the big guy. He complimented a pony, and an easily fearful one at that. One thing he hates more than feminine males are you know. The coward types."

"Fluttershy's not a coward! Did you see her today?! She talked down a dragon!" Rainbow said.

"I personally don't think she's a coward. She did try to take a hit for my sister once. Remember? I'm just saying, I sorta predicted what he'd think of Flutters. That's all." I scratched behind her ears for reinsurance measures.

"Yeah, well, I still think you would've made better company for us." She flew onto my bed and sat in front of me.

"Right. Your friends are probably still mad at me over the Trixie thing. Especially Rarity, not that I care." I really didn't.

"You were right about us though. Besides, Jeff told us what you did and why you did it. You really do care about us, don't you?" She asked, getting closer.

To ruin the moment, I asked. "Is Rainbow Dash, fastest most awesomest flier in Equestria, going mushy on me?"

"Pssh! Yeah right monkey boy! I just missed ya, that's all."

I grabbed her head and pulled her into a headlock hug. "I missed ya too, Dash."

Author's Notes:

That's Chapter 9 everyone with even more references! See if you can find them all. Writing this chapter was hard! Jeff is kinda narrow-minded. That might change though throughout the story. Me not being narrow minded made it difficult. Also, towards the end, I put it back to Xavier's POV. If someone passes out, can't really do much else with them.

I'll be skipping "Look before you sleep" because I don't see in any way I could fit any of the current humans in the episode. Maybe if Bri was as old as Jack or the others yeah, but I'm not going to put a guy who's 13 or older in a slumber party. It's not realistic.

Leave a comment on your thoughts, and a thumbs up if you liked it. I've started working on the next chapter already.

Next up: It's the hood, isn't it?