Mornings were, by far, not Rainbow Dash’s favorite part of the day. Then again, technically, the time was actually sometime in the late evening. Living in a world with no solar cycles was not at all enjoyable. Mainly, because it meant that mornings could occur at any time of the day.

Rainbow Dash pulled up a stool against the large, gouged and pitted table in the center of one of the Pocket’s kitchens. She set down her bowl and the box of cereal that she had found stuffed under a pile of freeze-dried grapefruits. It was called Hay-O’s, and Rainbow Dash actually recognized the brand. Despite its perpetually happy mascot- -a masked cartoon pony called Steve- -it tasted exactly like the kind of cereal that Five would eat. Rainbow Dash had no idea how the brand had lasted so long.

Brown, who had woken up with her, went to the refrigerator and opened it, removing a jar of milk. He placed it in his mouth and carried it over to where Rainbow Dash was. He pulled up a stool next to her and set the milk on the table, opening it.

“Is that all you’re having?” asked Rainbow Dash, chewing her terrible high-fiber cereal.

“It is all I can have,” remarked Brown, taking a sip form the bottle. “I’m not weaned yet.”

Rainbow Dash shivered. “Brown,” she said, calmly. “Please don’t say things like that. It’s disturbing.”

“Disturbing? Why?”

“Because it makes me feel old.”

“You are old. Almost five hundred years old, actually. Or, if we ignore that, you are still twenty four years older than I am.”

Rainbow Dash had never imagined she would hear a pony say that, at least when she was this young. She had definitely had fantasies of having much younger lovers, but in all of them she was a grizzled old master flyer. This was definitely not that case.

Still, despite the weirdness, she really did like Brown. Even if he was still unable to eat solid food.

Rainbow Dash heard hoofteps coming down a narrow staircase to the side of the kitchen. She and Brown turned and saw that it was only Five. Her eyes were extremely wide, and her pupils narrow- -not in fear, but as though she had seen something that had severely traumatized her.

“Commander,” said Brown.

“Hey, Five,” said Rainbow Dash. “You don’t look so good.”

“Hold that thought,” said Five, absently. She crossed the kitchen and opened a drawer. Five rummaged through the contents for a moment, and pulled out a pair of mismatched forks. She considered them for a moment, and then promptly stabbed them into her eyes.

“THESE THINGS CANNOT BE UNSEEN!” she screamed as she repeatedly plunged the flatware into her face.

“Commander!” cried Brown. Rainbow Dash stopped him from standing.

“Forget it,” she said. “I don’t even know how I’m used to this…”

Five continued to gouge for several more seconds. Then, apparently satisfied with the destruction of her eyes, she crossed the kitchen blindly and sat at the table across from Rainbow Dash. A fork was still protruding from one of her empty eyesockests, and they were both dripping yellow-red eye fluid onto the table below.

“I’m trying to eat, Five,” said Rainbow Dash.

“I might never be able to eat again,” she said. “The things I’ve seen, Rainbow Dash…”

“It can’t possibly be that bad.”

“Really? Because Blackest Night just had sex with Shining Armor.”

Rainbow Dash snorted with such vigor that she passed a Hay-O out her nose. “What?! But aren’t you, like- -isn’t you’re body- -”

Five nodded, her suspended fork vibrating from the force. “I had to watch. For hours. And hours. Oh sweet Luna…do you know a cloaca is?”

“No…”

“Well I do!”

“What’s all this noise?” yawned Gell, entering the room.

“You know quite well what this noise is!” cried Five, sounding quite distressed and nearly spilling blood into Rainbow Dash’s cereal.

“Yeah, well, you’ve seen me doing worse. Remember that time you walked in on me with those three girls. You know, the ones with an anal fetish- -”

“Stop!” whined Five.

Gell only laughed. She removed something from the refrigerator and sat down on a large concrete block next to Five. Her bowl, Rainbow Dash saw, was filled with pony eyes and assorted bits. The glass jar of ‘milk’ that she then poured upon her ‘cereal’ was actually a jar of blood.

“Shining Armor doesn’t even have the equipment,” said Gell, pulling the fork out of Five’s eye and wiping it on Five’s fur. She took a large scoop of her meat-blood soup with it. “So I bet he never even touched you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Five, slamming her head against the table as her eye sockets sparked with magic, restoring her sight. “They did it in my head. I feel so dirty.”

“Well, at least there wasn’t any necrophilia involved.”

Five, her head still on the table, glared upward at Gell.

“Oh,” said Gell.

“Where is Shining Armor, anyway?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“I could not bear to look upon him,” said Five. “So I sent him to fetch some parts for me.”

“Well, after Blackest Night spent all night fetching his parts, it’s only fair,” noted Gell. Rainbow Dash snorted loudly and could barely contain her giggling fit.

“Don’t you laugh,” snapped Five. “You have no right to laugh, you, you- -clone-fluffing pedophilly!”

The half-baked insult caused Rainbow Dash to finally break down in full-blown laughter, to the point where she fell off her stool.

“I’m an adult,” protested Brown, “and I think I am capable of giving consent.” He looked around and tried to change the subject. “Have you seen Proctor?”

“Right here,” said Proctor_Dash from beneath the table, causing the real Rainbow Dash to jump in surprise.

“What the- -why are you under the table?” demanded Gell, picking up her feet.

“Wellll,” said Pinkie_Proctor, crawling out into the kitchen, “because if I was on top of it, I would probably would have broken it. And nopony likes a broken table. That’s just called a floor.”

“It’s too early for this,” groaned Five.

“It’s eleven thirty at night,” noted Twilight_Proctor. “And I only waited there because I think I might have found something.”

Five bolted upright. “What, exactly?”

“Do I really have to explain it?”

“No.” Five jumped down off her stool. “Rainbow Dash, stop eating my cereal and acquire your coat. I shall require you and Brown to secure the area. Gell, you and Proctor will join me.”

“But my bits are getting warm,” whined Gell.

“I don’t care. Mo- -” She paused and cringed, and then let out a slight sound as the black shadow around her cutie mark expanded, overtaking her.

“Hello, everypony,” said Blackest Night. She returned to her stool and sat back down on it.

“Blackest,” said Gell, coolly. “I heard you got some last night. How long has it been for you? Five millennia?”

“I will neither confirm nor deny that. But I believe our quarry shall wait for us, at least a few minutes longer. I think there should be time for breakfast today.”