Gell gently lifted the watering can in her mouth, feeling her several rows of pointed teeth dig into the metal handle. She stood on her hind legs to reach the top of the tall shelf in what she thought of as the Pocket’s sitting room. Carefully, so as not to spill any water on the wood surface, she tipped the can and watched the narrow streams of water pour out of the can’s apertures and flush the parched soil.

She had no idea what the plant itself was, aside from maybe being a fern. It was spindly and pale and really rather strange looking, but they were common enough in the Forest. Although it was not her preferred type of plant, Gell had many fond memories of playing in her father’s gardens when she was growing up. The care of any plants outside of the Pocket’s conservatory- -which was filled with nothing but poison joke and various toxic, weedy things- -fell to Gell. An simply was not interested in taking care of anything that could not be used to cause death and torment to ponies.

The plant looked especially pale, and Gell prodded at one of its two long, curling leaves.

“Humidity is low,” she muttered to herself. That meant another trip to the boiler room, which she hated. Better humidity, though, would probably help her sleep better.

“Gell,” called a voice from the door behind her. Gell recognized it immediately, and knew that it was Rainbow Dash- -and she sounded hurt. She turned around so quickly that she nearly dropped the watering can and toppled the shelf containing the fern.

Instead of Rainbow Dash, Gell found Proctor. He marched quickly into the room, and it was clear why he sounded like he was in pain. His joints and most of his body was covered in hoof-sized, spiny balls.

“They won’t come off,” said Proctor_Rarity, trying to pull one off with his hoof- -only to have it stick to his hoof. “And they hurrrrrt….”

“What did you do?” said Gell, annoyed that she had been hearing Proctor_Dash instead of the real Rainbow Dash. “Is that my jumping cholla?”

“Maybe,” said Pinkie_Proctor.

Gell put her hoof over her face and shook her head. “That plant was supposed to be a Satinmass gift for my father,” she said. “How did you even get it on you?”

“Welllll,” said Proctor_Shy, “the plant looked so fuzzy, and so lonely.”

“So,” said Twilight_Proctor, “I gave it what I believe Brown would call ‘wuv and huggies’.”

“I do not say ‘wuv and huggies’,” said Brown, limping into the room. “Nor would I be foolish enough embrace an arborescent cactus.”

“But it had arms,” protested Proctor_Dash.

Gell ignored the cactus covered equidroid and crossed the room. She loomed over Brown, glaring at him. Brown looked incredibly tired, but he looked back up at her. He actually had the audacity to look her in the eyes.

“You must have quite a pair,” growled Gell, “to come in here after what you did to my Dashie.”

“Our actions were consensual.”

Gell stared down at the tiny, fluffy pony for a moment. “I should beat you with Proctor right now,” she said.

“Um, do I have a say in this?” asked Proctor_Shy.

“But I won’t.” Gell stretched out her right hoof. Brown moved backward as if she were about to strike him, but then realized that it was a hoofshake. “You beat me to her. You won.”

“It is not a contest,” said Brown, taking Gell’s hoof. It was nearly as large as he was, but he still shook it. “I didn’t do it to score points. I did it because Rainbow Dash wanted it, and I wanted it too.”

Gell smiled. “Correct answer,” she said. “If you had gloated, I really would have beat you with Proctor. And then castrated you. Slowly. But you’ve realized that she’s more important than that.”

“She is my friend,” said Brown. “But as for our relationship…this is not something I am familiar with. For all I know, you may yet have a chance with her.”

“Aww. You’re trying to reassure me.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are. And, by demon custom, it’s not adultery if it’s between mares.” She shook her head. “But no. I won’t. Because Rainbow Dash doesn’t think of me like that. She does think of you like that, though.”

Brown actually seemed to blush slightly. “Thank you, Subcommander.”

“Just Gell is fine. But not Blunty. You’re not a mare, and that would be weird. And I would have to beat you. Perhaps with Proctor.”

“Cactuses,” complained Proctor_Jack. “So many cactuses!” He moved to sit down.

“Don’t you dare!” snapped Gell. “If you damage even one of those plantlets, I will beat you with Brown! You are going to stand there until I pick each and every one out of you, and then you are going to help me pot them!”

“Gell,” said Brown, meekly.

“Yeah?”

Brown was looking away now- -and looking embarrassed. This was the first time Gell had seen him like that, and it was unbecoming. His sudden vulnerability, however, was actually somewhat appealing. Gell suddenly considered rescinding her promise not to remove his tentacles.

“That was…that was my first time with a mare,” he said. “And I feel like…well, I don’t feel like I lived up to Rainbow’s expectations. And for next time- -if she allows for a next time, which she might not, although I really would like a next time- -I was hoping you might have some suggestions for improvement.”

“You’re asking me…for advice on how to please your mare?”

Brown blushed heavily, but looked Gell in the eyes and nodded.

Gell wiped a blood tear from her eye. “Oh Satin,” she sniffled, “you’re like the son I never had!”

“Are you crying?” joked Proctor_Dash.

“No, but you are about to be,” said Gell. “Sure, Brown. I can help you out, if you use it to help Dashie, but first help me get these things out of Proctor.”

“How?”

“Find a comb. It’s the only way.”

“I don’t know the location of a comb.”

Gell and Proctor both stared at Brown.

“Really?” said Proctor_Jack.

“What?” asked Brown.

“It’s just that…all that fur,” said Gell.

“And you are completely smooth and hairless.”

“Was that a bald joke?”

Proctor blinked, confused. “I didn’t know you were supposed to have hair.”

Gell picked off one of the cactus units and flicked it across the room. It landed squarely in Brown’s face, pinning itself between his eyes.

“Hmm,” he said. “They really do hurt.”

“Yeah. They do. That’s the point. Now are you going to help or not?”

“I will help, of course,” said Brown. He stepped toward Proctor, who’s flank shifted to an image of three pink butterflies as he started to shake and cower in their collective shadow.

Brown suddenly looked up, and stopped walking. “Interesting,” he said. “Has that door been there this whole time?”

Gell looked up, and saw that there was a door in the wall of her sitting room, and a terribly ugly one at that. It was made of some kind of ancient, dark colored wood with enormous metal straps holding it together. The door looked more like something from a castle than for indoor use- -and it definitely had not been there.

“I rather like the style,” said Brown.

The door swung open, and Proctor squeaked. He dashed across the room, leaving a trail of chollas stuck in the carpet.

“Well that’s just great,” muttered Gell. “Don’t get them on the upholstery!”

A sour smell came from the far side of the door. Even through the scent of machine oil, electronics, and chemical preservatives, Gell could immediately detect the pungent aroma of the undead. The smell was followed by a pale pink glow. Finally, Shining Armor emerged from the door.

“Great,” said Gell. “Proctor! Get over here! Somepony is getting a cactus-robot beating!”

“No, thank you,” mumbled Proctor_Shy from under the couch.

“Bluntforce,” said Shining Armor. “And Brown…Brown, did you lose a fight? You look terrible.”

“I don’t think I ‘lost’, per se,” he said, smiling ever so slightly.

“Just when I thought I had gotten rid of you, you come into my house, stinking up the place with your dirty lich hooves and blood and phylacteries,” said Gell.

“It is not ‘your’ house. And I don’t have time for this. Where is Five?”

“She’s not here,” said Gell. She sat down and crossed her front legs in front of her. “She and Dashie went out to search.”

“Even though I could do a better job!” added Twilight_Proctor, now venturing out of his hiding place.

“Are those…never mind. One of my sentries found this in the forest.” Shining Armor threw something to Gell, and she could it easily between the two segments of her hooves. She looked down, and saw that it was a pony eye- -with a large blue pupil.

“Sentahs?” said Proctor_Jack, suddenly concerned. “What sentrahs?”

“I thought you might need greater security, so I left several spirits to guard this area.”

“Stolen souls, you mean.”

“They also brought back this.” Shining Armor lifted a torn and blood-soaked mess of cloth and pockets. Gell recognized it as the system of pouches that Five used to carry supplies, and to hold her gun.

“That explains the eye,” she said.

“It isn’t,” said Brown. Then he gasped and stepped back. “That’s- -that’s the Commander’s eye!”

“Yeah,” said Gell. She sighed. “Yeah, it is.”

“I found it with a lot of blood,” said Shining Armor. “But there were no bodies. I believe she was captured, not killed. Well, not permanently.”

“And if Dashie was with her…” Gell’s insides tightened. Even if she could not have Rainbow Dash as a lover, she still cared for her greatly. She knew that An could care for herself- -Gell had at least raised her to be able to do that- -but Rainbow Dash was not the same kind of pony.

“We have to do something,” said Brown. He normally looked stoic, or even unaffected- -but now he looked afraid.

“I will send out my secondary bodies,” said Twilight_Proctor, producing a hard-light shell and removing the cholla balls from his body, stacking them neatly in the corner of the room. “My drones should be able to find them quickly enough.”

“I have a faster method, if you will allow it,” said Shining Armor.

“What?”

“That eye. I can use it to trace them.”

“I’m not going to give you my daughter’s eye.”

“Please. Bluntforce, I need to get them back safely.”

“And why do you care?”

“I don’t. Not anymore. To be honest, I find Anhelios annoying and have little love for Rainbow Dash. But I do care for Blackest Night. She is my friend.”

Gell looked down at the eye. It was evaporating and starting to get squishy.

“Fine,” she said, throwing it back to Shining Armor. “Can’t eat An anyway, she tastes terrible. But if that ends up in one of your undead sex toys, I will murder you. Again, I guess.”

“The process will destroy the eye,” said Shining Armor. “Thank you, Bluntforce.”

He retreated back into the darkness behind the door. As soon as it closed, the space of the wall distorted slightly as the door vanished, leaving not even the space it had occupied behind.

“We need to be careful,” said Proctor_Shy. “What if they have guns? What if they shoot us? We can’t rush into this!”

“They took my Commander,” said Brown. “And they took Rainbow. For the second time I have failed…on my honor as an Exmoori, I must protect them both.”

“Planning is for nubs anyway,” said Gell. She slapped Brown on the back, nearly flattening him. “I think I might actually be starting to like you, fluffy.”

In her mind, of course, she was not nearly as upbeat. She was angry and afraid. Brown had not been the only one who had failed. She should have gone with them, or at least been keeping track of their location. Now they were in danger. Not just Rainbow Dash, and not just An Five either. Gell knew An Five all too well; in a situation like this, the risk was high not just for her daughter, but for An Six as well.