I know a lot of readers out there don’t have much patience. Least that’s what Soarin, the dude at the video store said. So I'm at the register, then I realize I got no bits. I was seriously broke. Why? Cuz I met this smokin' hot chick last night at the Death-Match bar. Man, she smelled good! So being the mare I am, I bought her a drink. Anyhoo, I decide to get a job. The gig: assassinate the Drifter. So I went where I was supposed to and waited for the mare to show up. And there she was. This pony. Well dressed, cool. Couldn't tell if she was "the shit"...or just plain ol' shit. Yeah, so she's stylin', fast, aggressive and packin' heat. Bada Bing! Or at least it was supposed to be... Til she showed up. Her name: Fluttershy. An agent with this whatchamacallit Association.

"Congratulations. You are certified as the 11th-best hit pony. How about getting rid of the ten killers above you and aim for the top? I mean... If you're not busy or anything."

I wanna be number one. How's that? Short and simple enough for you? It's gonna be a long, hard road. But who knows? Could kick ass... Could be dangerous. Could totally suck. Whaddaya say, brony? Join me. Let's see how far we can take this. And for you there holding the mouse right now... Just scroll down. Let the bloodshed begin.

* * * * * * *

I pull the handle, Schpeltiger accelerates. Most ponies wonder why I ride a motorcycle when I'm a pegasus. Maybe it's because it makes me more of a bad ass, maybe I just like it, maybe some ponies should just shut their mouths.

Up ahead is a giant mansion. I'll have one someday. It'll make this place look like a dump. I crash through the front gate and leap off my bike. I soar through the air and spot two dumbfounded guards. With a redirection of my wings, I dive down, becoming a rainbow colored blur and swing my beam katana. Blood Berry doesn't disappoint. Some users hold their katanas in their mouths, others use a strap to keep it on a hoof. I strap mine to my hoof. The feeling of cutting and swinging with a hoof feels much better to me than turning my head. It's also easier to make fun of these idiots with my mouth free.

"Buckhead!" I yell as Blood Berry cleaves right through the two guards' necks. There is another one standing by the door. I slowly trot up to him and point my katana to his neck.

"Yo. Help a pony out here. Where's this Colgate chick?" I ask. The guard just stammers in fright. I think he might have even pissed his pants a little.

"Bad answer," I reply to the brain dead idiot. My blade cleaves in a horizontal slash, through him and the door behind, leaving them both in two halves. The bottom of the door hangs by a single hinge and a strong buck from my back leg sends it flying into the first room of the mansion.

"It's game time!" I yell to nobody in particular and enter.

The inside was nice. Red carpets run along the floor and up the stairs, the walls are ivory white, and a fancy looking chandelier hangs from the ceiling. It was nice. I'll have one too. All I have to do is kill the ten above me and all this can be mine. I'll dine in style, hot mares knocking on my door every two hours, loyal stallions at my beck and call. It's Paradise.

This is what I thought of while cutting through hordes of guards. Well, more like fillies with swords. They could barely do much more than call me names like "Rainbow bitch" or "Multi-colored whore". Whatever. All I can think of is how nice this place is, and how it'll all soon be mine.

So I'm running down a long hallway and my phone starts to ring. I return Blood Berry to its holster and press on a little device attached to my ear. A blue tooth Soarin' called it.

"Hey Rainbow Dash? Your fight begins just up ahead. Win, and you will be tenth. Lose, and hell awaits. Are you up to this? Need a bathroom break? Whatever you need to do, do it now. Your opponent, some call her the 'Divine Brush'. She is good. But I know you can take her. You are the pony! Eye of the Manticore! She only has those pearly whites because she uses bleach strips! Take it to the red zone! Assassin's way at full throttle! Unleash your power! Show no mercy! Bring me Colgate's head! Enter when you are prepared to fight. I believe in you and your loyalty. Now off to the Garden of Madness...," Fluttershy's voice rang.

Damn she got me pumped! I'm was seriously ready to kick some ass! Red zone, full throttle, no mercy. Now that's my kind of mare. I don't know what any of that loyalty or Garden of Madness stuff means, but damn did it make me feel good!

I push the device again and it goes silent. I see a door ahead of me. The door to my Paradise. I nudge the door with my muzzle and it opens slowly, letting the sunlight peek through. I am outside again. I can spot three pools right away and a beautiful view of the ocean. Steps lead down to the three pools and white wooden beach chairs are lined up and facing the ocean. I hear a voice.

"Quite beautiful, wouldn't you say?" A feminine voice sounds. I take a few steps down the stairs, towards the voice.

"Paid for with the lives of many. When you have the strength to take life and always remember to brush your teeth... That is true wealth," It sounds to my left. I see the top of a pony's head a few rows in front of me, sitting in a chair.

"I am free from plaque. So long as I have my fortune of tooth brushes. I need nothing more. Please, leave me be," she says.

I stop beside the unicorn and get a good look at her. Her fur is a very close color to mine, a little darker. Her mane is the two tones of light and dark blue. She is wearing a red bath robe and a glass of red wine levitates beside her. I assume this is Colgate.

"You're the one leaving chump. I'm gonna kill you in ten seconds flat," I reply. I come all this way and this mare expects me to just leave if she asks? Yeah right.

"You don't get it, do you?" Colgate asks.

"Hey, you know what Paradise is, right?" I ask in return, not bothering to answer her question.

"Everypony brushing their teeth in perfect harmony," she answers. I blink a few times. Well, that's not really what I expected. Just how dense was this assassin anyway? I sigh and gesture to the surrounding area.

"This is Paradise -- the place where dreams are fulfilled. I'm going to kill you, and all the others. Then, all of this will be mine. The fame, the glory. All of it," I clarify.

"This is no Paradise," Colgate chuckles.

"Oh really? Then what is it?" I ask. Colgate then stands up and lets the bath robe fall off. She has a cutie mark of an hourglass and a giant, light blue tooth brush about the same size as her body hangs from her side.

"You have no idea, do you? Arrogant, crude little mares like you come around from time to time. Always wanting to be number one. Never slowing down to enjoy the joys of a nice brushing," she replies with a hint of malice. She begins to walk up the steps. Her tooth brush levitates from her side and the head begins to glow red. I can feel the heat emit from the brush from where I stand.

"Listen well. Proper dental hygiene keeps teeth healthy so they function properly," she tells me as I start to ascend with her.

"You can take that to your grave, chump," I reply and draw my beam katana.

We reach a level area and stare each other down for a few seconds. She leaps towards me. Too easy. With a flick of my hoof, my katana slices in an upward arc, but Colgate expects this and jumps back. It was a bluff. She then rushes forward again. Her brush curves to her body as she unleashes a fury of slashes. I feel heat on my face as her brush parts the air between us. I never imagined something as bulky as a giant tooth brush could be swung around so easily, but this is magic, I'm already at a disadvantage.

She starts to swing the brush in upward slashes, alternating the brush on either side of her body. I wait for the right moment and take a step forward, bringing my blade into contact with hers. I break her stance, but she whips around and brings her brush in a horizontal cut. I throw all of my weight to the left and dodge her brush by a hair. Using the momentum from shifting my weight, I bring my blade from the earth to the sky in one large arc. I cleave up Colgate's back, leaving a light gash from her hip to her shoulder. If it phased her, she didn't show it. A true assassin.

Then something strange happens. I ready my katana to strike. Two other Colgates step out from behind the first. What the hay? I take a step back, but before I can pause to think about the situation, two of the Colgates rush towards me. The first swings her oversized brush at me. I block it with my beam katana, locking us into place. The second comes from behind. I let the first Colgate's brush overpower my blade, pushing me towards the ground. I lift my back hooves from the ground and let my back be pressed against the ground. I then kick one of my back hooves into the Colgate's stomach and flip her in a complete half circle. She slams into the second Colgate behind me and they collapse to the ground.

"Brushie, brushie, brushie!" I hear overhead. I look up and see the third in mid air about to strike. Of course the original would want to stay behind until I was distracted. I roll to my right and smell the stench of singed hair. From the ground I jab my beam katana into Colgate's neck. This battle is mine.

The Colgate smirks however and fades from reality. It was a fake. I jump back up as quickly as I can and turn around. Only one Colgate remains and she is charging at me. I try to pull my katana up, but I am too late. Her brush makes contact with my left hoof, barely scratching it, and I feel my hoof heat up and singe. I shift my weight back to avoid another swing of her brush. My body sways to the left and right. Sparks fly as my beam katana collides with her brush.

She swings her brush down with her magic and I take a step forward. With surprise on her face and no time to react, she grabs her brush with both hooves and swings it in an upward arc. I smirk as I copy her own bluff, that's right, I simply step backwards and let her brush connect with thin air.

My turn. I swing my hoof upwards and feel the sweet sensation of cleaving through flesh and bone. My Blood Berry slices through both Colgate's arms. Her brush flies into the air and lands a few feet away from where we stand.

"Extraordinary. This is it. Take my brush, the name 'Divine Brush' is now yours," Colgate says in between heavy breaths. I tilt my head and let out a small reply. 'Divine Brush'? No way in hell.

"You're joking, right? I don't want your oversized brush and I sure as hay don't wanna be called 'Divine Brush'. I just wanna be number one," I reply.

"Then master the ways of true dental hygiene," she says. I'm starting to think she's already lost too much blood. The oxygen clearly isn't getting to her head anymore. Well, assuming it ever was in the first place anyway.

"Here's your ticket to Paradise, chump!" I yell and cut through Colgate's neck. Her head flies up into the air and lands with an audible thud. Gravity pulls her limp body to the ground and blood spills out of her stump of neck, pooling at the ground. I return Blood Berry to it's holster. I then hear a click behind me and turn around to find none other than Fluttershy. Two stallions I've never seen before stand beside her with what I can only guess are oversized vacuums. Wait... two stallions? Don't tell me she's already taken!

"Umm... Nice kill, Rainbow Dash. I didn't think you had it in you. It was kinda... Exciting. I mean... If you think so too. You are now ranked tenth," Fluttershy says, interrupting my thoughts.

"Tenth, huh? So what now? What do I get?" I ask. There had to be something more to this then just killing right?

"Umm... Well... How about some money or tooth brushes?" Fluttershy responds with a smile. I look to the side and see the two stallions cleaning up all the spilt blood. The vacuums shoot out a white and puffy foam. So they were just the clean up crew and I was still in luck.

Wait, wait. That's it? Just kill some random pony and walk away? Where is the fame? Where is the glory? I need more than this. I need to find that door to Paradise. I need to find that exit to my dreams.

Can't find the exit...

Can't find the exit...

"I'm not feeling the sense of accomplishment or fame or glory that I should here. I just gotta kill a few more ponies right?" I ask.

"Well... Umm... If you want too," Fluttershy responds.

"And you will keep your promise?"

"Oh yes! I can't think of anything the Association cannot do."

"And if I refuse?"

"Well, as the tenth ranked assassin, you are now a target for everypony else that wants it. Anytime and anywhere. Number eleven could be right around the corner, ready to put a cupcake in your eye."

Wait, what? Why wasn't I told this when I started? She knew all of this and decided not to tell me? What the hay? Now there's no way out. No exit.

"So what you're tellin' me is that I gotta continue. There's no way out. You knew this and set me up!" I shout. She recoils at my volume, but seems to recover quickly. She stares me down and stomps a hoof.

"Quit your complaining. Oh ummm... I'm sorry for shouting," she says assertively and whispers shyly all in the same breath. What a piece of work. Now a thought crosses my mind. If she was going to screw me into killing a shopping list of ponies, why not repay the favor? It's only fair right? I can play this game.

"Ok, how 'bout this. If I become number one, will you do it with me?" I ask with a smirk. She recoils again and her face turns a deep shade of red.

"I-I couldn't! Mmm... maybe...," she stutters.

"C'mon! Just once!"