A Musician's Guide To: "Whatever this is"
Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Off To A Sarcastically Great Start
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I stood by the door and waited. After a couple minutes, it hissed, shifted slightly then... legit just fazed out of existence. I was expecting more of a fanfare. Something awesome like; opening slowly, grinding against the floor and steam pouring from the other side and I would emerge from the mist, light a cigarette and walk away, but no. Those didn't exist here. But magic did. So it was just kind of... I don't know... it was less than I would have liked.
'Day one of Equestria: disappointed by door's lack of fanfare'. What is wrong with me.
Once it opened... well, dissipated, I saw the first light (that was not sickly orange) I had seen in over like... a day.
Look, orange gets boring after a while okay?
My two 'captives' were standing to the left of the door when I stepped out, surrounded by guards. We looked to be in an underground facility, doors like mine lined the walls with stairs leading to each room's 'observing room'. The walls were made out of some kind of smooth metal or rock, not dissimilar to marble... or a couple good bands I know. White lights lined the walls and cast reflections off of the guards golden armor.
That stuff is more for show that for actual protection I bet, its too pretty to be practical, surely.
This was also the first time I got to see a pony without a thick glass pane in between us, allowing me to get a good look at Chrome and Feather.
Chrome Star was a metallic colored pony, light grey with a very small amount of blue mixed in there. His mane was a darker grey than his coat. His unkempt hair hanging only slightly over his eyes and, at the back, almost reaching his shoulders. Not to different to my hair really. His eyes were a cool cobalt blue and his cutie-mark was a silver star, orbiting around a dark grey sphere and leaving a luminescent trail in a half-circle around it. Probably something to do with science or something.
He was the protective type, but really bad at protecting since his composure seems to be so weakly built it phases in and out of reality sometimes. He was generally a fun guy and a somewhat half-arsed scientist. My kind of guy, I guess. Even after knowing him for only a day or so, I would have gladly called him my friend.
Feather Flame was a orange-y red unicorn (I could tell she was a unicorn judging from her temper, but the horn also helped.) Her mane was a bright orange and her eyes were a deep purple, a stunning contrast from the rest of her fiery-colored body. And her cutie mark, guess what, was a burning feather. Truly inspired. The feather was completely unfazed by the fire. I assumed from this that she was some sort of battle-mage; appearing to be a pretty nice chick but able to run through the fire and flames of war and carry on, unscathed.
Or at least that's what I thought. Something about 'looking weak as a feather, but being strong' or something inspiring like that. I know this world and its ways, or at least I like to think that I do. So it's likely she has a side she does not show. And I don't like not seeing things.
The guards surrounded us in a formation that suggested they had to both protect me and protect themselves from me. It was awkward, for them at least. I thought it was hilarious, since a couple of the were walking sideways, I swear a couple were rotating constantly as they walked. I laughed every time they stumbled, which was often. But they didn't seem so happy about it.
Realizing that I was literally mocking the ponies most likely to help me, I stopped and decided to talk to Feather and Chrome, they were a nice crowd, better than pissing off the guards at least. Plus I also needed to know where we were going. I walked slightly faster for a second to get in between them as we walked through the empty halls. They were both slightly startled by my height, understandable, since (as I later found out) I was around the same height as Celestia, and height probably means something in Equestria that I don't realize. Well, if all the Princesses are tall, then is probably a good thing.
"So, where are we going?" I asked, turning to Chrome. "Your place? Or somewhere else?" Chrome craned his head up to look at me. It was that moment I realized just how cute they really were. I twitched as something inside me exploded a little.
"As much as I would like to get you all nice and settled in at my place. And teach you about Equestria..." I snorted at that, like I would need him to do that. "...Celestia needs to personally 'assess' you." At the mention of Celestia; I froze, causing a couple slowing spinning guards to hit me and mumble nasty things I pretended not to hear. I got moving again as soon as they touched me, don't want to annoy them any more then I already have. Feather turned her head back to look at me as I re-composed myself.
"Your not worried are you?" She asked. I said nothing. "If you know as much about Equestria as you seem to let on, you should know that Celestia is one of the most beloved and trusted ponies to ever exist, she would never do anything unjust, especially to a guest." I was thinking about mentioning something about 'human corruption' and stuff like that. But I decided against it.
Pretending to be just like the innocent ponies would let me fit in better. And allow for some hilarious moments later, once they think they know me. I. Had. Plans.
"Sorry, I just..." I paused slightly. "Well, she scares me." The guards around me all snorted at that and joked to each other. "Okay, guys, imagine this. You get stolen from your world." Chrome flinched in what I assume was guilt. "And you are then surrounded by a species you've never seen before. Then you find out that they have telekinesis and can crush your whole body like a grape if they so wanted." I think I got a few stares from both the guards and passing maids - we were on the palace grounds by then. "And then they take you to the most powerful being in their world, probably capable of destroying you with a wave a... hoof. And you know for a fact, that leader has the justification for doing that, they just don't know that justification exists, yet. And you have to tell her, yourself. Completely at her mercy. Don't you think you would be at least a little worried?" The guards had stopped spinning to listen to me, and when my tale ended they all looked at least a little ashamed. Chrome and Feather were just staring at me. Score. I just smiled, this was going to be fun.
But what I said was true, I really was worried about meeting her.
The two just continued staring at me until we reached a pair of very large, ornate doors. I recognized them as the throne room doors. When I pointed out the fact I knew that; the guards seemed shocked. I just tapped the side of my head and smiled at them. They all rolled their eyes.
"From what I know, I'm probably going in alone, right?" I directed this at the door's guards.
"Yes, you are. They told me that you would not be told, though." One responded, looking slightly annoyed. Clearly cared a lot about his job, to get angry over that.
"Oh, no-one told me" I responded. Trying to sound nonchalant. He waited for more but after a couple seconds he shrugged and gestured me inside. I signaled a 'bye' with my hands to Chrome and Feather, who returned the gesture with their hooves.
I opened the doors with relative ease. Considering their size, those must be the best hinges money can buy. And they probably were, judging by the quality of the doors themselves. I shut the doors behind me and looked forward. Nothing. The throne room was empty. I shrugged and took a quick look around the room.
Two large thrones decorated the furthest wall of the room, one golden, emblazoned with a sun. The other, dark blue, embossed with a white moon. the rest of the room was bare, aside from the stain-glass windows that cast colorful shadows over the expensive-looking carpet-rug leading to and from the thrones.
I waited there for about 10 minutes, before getting bored of looking at that side of the room. I turned to look at the inside of the doors, they had a nice design from what I could remember. On my way round though, I noticed a small chair in the corner of the room, I had not noticed it since it looked so... generic. So well-placed.
TOO well placed...
I thought back to a piece of... 'literature' I had read a while ago as I approached it. Then it clicked. I put a knowing face on and walked to the chair. I crossed my arms and stared at the chair.
"Celestia?" I asked, putting on a winning smile.
"Yes?" She answered from the doorway. I whipped my body around and stared at her. She smiled innocently at me. Her head and hair...thing where poking into the room from the ajar door.
I looked at her. I looked back to the chair. I looked back to her. "Wha.. w- R- Really?"
"Really what?" she asked as she closed the door behind her. I was not about to explain this to her.
"Er... never mind." I said, regaining some composure and straightening myself.
"Were you... talking to a... chair?" She asked. I could not tell if she was being serious or if she was just messing with me. Celestia is one of three people -ponies- in Equestria, that I knew of, that I have trouble reading. I knew that just by watching the show.
"N- no! You wanted to see me?" I said in a slightly rushed tone, changing the subject. She gave me a strange look, then continued towards a stained-glass window. I began walking to join her there.
She said while walking, "Yes, I did. Sorry I was late, I had things to deal with." She looked at the window, or out of it. It was stained glass, so there was no real way to tell. I was still making my way to her.
I was quick to respond. "I completely understand, ruling a country cannot be easy, even if you DO share the job." She turned to me, stopping me in my tracks.
"So it's true." She said. I continued walking, slower though. "You know of Equestria, through 'visions' you had, yes?"
"Er, yes. That's a thing we humans do!" I put half-hearted enthusiasm into the last part and swung my arm. She gave me a look that honestly scared me. It was a look that just spoke the words 'I know you are lying, but I will play this game of yours'. I think she noticed me blanch slightly at that, since her poise grew more confident.
"Yes, as I have heard. You indeed have a... talent." She paused, I finally got next to her at the window and waited for her to continue, luckily she did. I would not have a response to that. "But I am sure you will understand that I must scan your mind-" exactly what I didn't want to hear "-just in case you know something that could harm my ponies or if you know somethings that perhaps... you shouldn't." She stared at me with an almost emotionless face, her usual small smile was gone. I was freaking out, and she could see it. Before she could do anything, though, I spoke.
"Okay, okay. Just hear me out okay?" she nodded, I continued "Yes, I probably know some things that could be used to harm some ponies, I also know of some things that may be state secrets for all I know. And if you are willing to wait, I could probably list them all for you. Because, no offence-" her body stiffened slightly "-but I can't let you scan my mind. And trust me when I say that it's for your own mental safety as well as my physical safety. Please Celestia, I want to stay here, I really do. And I will do anything for you, just don't scan me, please. I don't think you guys could handle knowing what I know."
"Go on then," she said "Try me. Give me a taste. Maybe I will change my mind." I only have a couple chances at this...
"Well, I know of that place you have. With all the screens." She tilted her head slightly. "Where you and Twilight went just before she got wings." She didn't seem that impressed.
"I would have told Twilight not to tell anypony about it, if it were meant to be a secret. Though that does show how much you COULD know..." This is not going well.
"Errm" I was trying to think of the most dangerous piece of information I had "I know that almost everything the element holders have done that caused them to learn some lesson or some other big reveal has been planned by you, like the tickets to the first gala they attended for example." She was unfazed and said nothing. An eyebrow raised slowly. "ERRMMM..." I was running out of ideas "I know you like cake?"
I am an idiot. If it was even possible, her eyebrow raised even higher.
"Is that it?" she said. Oh God please. I said nothing. "Well then" Her horn glowed. This was it, I was about to be kicked out of or killed in Equestria, and Celestia would know her existence was futile. Then an idea hit me. An idea that was so stupid it may just work. I put all my faith into one word, one word that would hopefully change everything for the better...
"FAUST!!" I yelled. Celestia's eyes snapped open, not looking at me, no, they were unfocused, looking past me and into the distance. Her mouth hung open. The walls and ground reverberated with the word and I heard whispers and moans all around me. Then as quickly as the word left my lips, they stopped. Celestia was just staring, her gaze slowly turning to me. Her shocked expression grew sorrowful.
She nodded to me and hung her head so low it was almost at the floor, then used a very limp wing to point me out the door. I left without a word. The room I left was so quiet that I heard the sound of tears hitting marble as I left. Once outside the door I quickly and quietly closed it.
"How'd it go?" Chrome asked, with a chipper-ness that startled me. I turned and found that Chrome and Feather were waiting for me. I looked at them, their expressions changed as they read mine.
"Lets just get out of here." I said. They knew better than to ask.
***
We were at Chrome's place. A small 4-room apartment-like place. One room that tripled as a dining room, kitchen and sitting room; the kitchen was segmented from the rest of the room by a marble surface area that extended from the wall. The rest of the room contained a large dining table and a couch. The 3 other rooms that led off from the first room were a bathroom, a bedroom, and a spare bedroom. Not a very big place, but it was cozy I guess. This was where I had to stay before I could either afford a house, or found a better friend or something. I don't really know what they were planning.
No-one had said a word the whole trip until we had all got inside; when Feather turned and said "So, what happened?" I sat on the couch and stared out the window at the sun setting over the houses and mountains in the distance. "You don't have to tell me" She continued "But we are your friends, aren't we? You can trust us." With my heart slightly warmer than before; I turned to her with a small smile, she returned it by beaming at me, Chrome took a little longer, but did so as well.
"Thanks guys" I said "Means a lot." My smile dropped "You know that 'justification to hurt me' I was talking about earlier?" They both nodded. "Yeah, THAT happened. She wanted to scan my mind, but I had to stop her from doing that, and to do that, I had to show her that she did NOT want to know what was in here." I said tapping my head. "I did so, and I think it upset her a bit."
Feather tried to comfort me, "She's VERY old and VERY wise Dan, anything you know couldn't do anything to her that she couldn't handle, you should trust her."
I retorted with "I said ONE WORD and she stared at me, pointed me out of the room and started crying." THAT shocked them both. I don't think they had ever heard of their leader doing anything close to that before, from what I know anyway. They both stopped trying to talk about it, and instead Feather went on her way, back to her house. We said our goodbyes before she left.
As much as I would like her to, she didn't decide to stay with us. She has her own house and her own responsibilities to deal with, so it's understandable. Me and Chrome mutually agreed through a couple tired-looking glances at each other that it was time to catch some rest, the sun had set by then and only its ambient glow was visible. He slept in the bedroom and I slept in the spare. It was okay, a lot better than the sheet I had in that facility. But it was a little small. It took me a while to get to sleep due to a mixture of overwhelming thoughts and the fact I usually fall asleep to music, and here, I had none. I was hoping I could save up enough bits or convince Chrome to buy a record player of sorts. I would love to hear the music they make here.