I’m not sleepy just... exhausted. My brain has already been kinda frazzled from today’s events, and now I’m dealing with power-use fatigue. I didn’t have to do it, but I felt like showing off. And I kinda wanted to give her something special as a welcome gift to say ‘Hi! For the first few weeks, you will be a freak, but that’s fine because I’m a friend and I don’t care that you’re a snake-person!’

Also, there’s her story of getting here. Or rather, the demons. What’s going on? Are there going to be more demons coming here? Well, if there was some sort of contest and the winner was the one who killed or corrupted the Element of Kindness... yeah, Fluttershy would be on the top of my hit list. Guess I should at least anticipate them...

But how many demon attacks could Ponyville take? I’d say it might take a modern human militia force to be effective at just slowing one. These ponies... they aren’t warlike. They don’t have the violent nature for that kind of thing. I just don’t know if that a good thing as they work together... or a bad thing because they aren’t prepared for threats.

Guess I kind of am their hero. I protect them with a form of violence that... they just can’t conceive. Oh well.

I grab another of Blueish’s books on Wunderland. I’m flipping through the book, only half paying attention, when I’m suddenly hit by something large and traveling fast, right in the gut. On reflex, I Spark up, going almost immediately to my Heat form. I hear a yelp of pain, and look down to see Rainbow Dash bounce off of me, her belly singed. I sigh, and groan a little.

“Jeez Dash. You need to start using the door, sometime. I’m not the right person to surprise with a body slam.”

“Sorry, man. And you should be more careful, too! You coulda burned me!” She gives me a half-hearted glare, but I’m not impressed.

“Yes, I need to be careful and wary while I’m laying on my bed, in my room, and always expect that if something hits me, they won’t start wrecking the town unless I do something.”

“Oh come on, that’s only happened, uh...” She concentrates, scrunching up her face to do the math. “Three times? Or two? I can’t remember! And one of those was your fault, you let out Discord!”

“First of all, I’m glad I finished high school before I came here, seems I wouldn’t be getting that good of an education if an element of Harmony can’t count. Secondly, Discord was fun, just out of control and I put him in his place. I agree, he needs training.”

“Hey! I can count to, like, a hundred! On my own! I didn’t have time for school, I was training to fly like a champ when I was younger!”

“Well, you certainly show it. Tell me, how many zeroes are in one-thousand?”

“Duh, none! It’s a word!” Dash puffs her chest out happily, a smug look on her face. Okay, that’s almost funny, but it works.

“For the record, I’m glad I live with the smart one, even if your science around here is completely screwed up. Lightning that doesn’t kill? Never heard of electrical fires? Bullcrap.”

“Pfft, you’re the one with screwy science. Lightning that kills? Lightning setting things on fire? Crazy.” We look at each other, before cracking smiles.

I give an evil grin, enter my Dynamo form, and start generating some electricity. “Wanna put your money where your muzzle is? How much you wanna wager I can’t turn a piece of paper to ashes with just electricity?”

“Oh come on, everypony knows that if you put enough energy of any kind through anything, it either melts or explodes. Unless it’s a chariot in an action play, then it blows up when anything happens to it other than being driven.”

I grin. “It turns too hard- BOOOOOM!” I emphasize the word by spreading my arms apart quickly and flailing them. Dash and I both start laughing.

“Hits a pothole! Kablooie!” Dash shouts, laughing and rolling on the ground.

“Yeah, explosions are nice and all, but seriously that stuff is ridiculous. But I’m not kidding, the only reason your lightning is safe is because it’s wimpy. Could you squeeze out a lightning bolt with enough power to cause a real explosion?”

“Ha! As if I’d waste the time. The real lightning is used by the Cloudsdale Elite Guard. They’ve all got actual combat experience, and they can generate lightning able to fry a gryff to death.” Dash stops for a moment before suckign in her lip. “Er, but that’s kinda a state secret that Spitfire let slip when we hung out at the Gala. Please don’t tell anypony?”

“Rainbow Dash, technically speaking, I only live here. I come from another planet. Most of this stuff I couldn’t even use.”

“Well, yeah, but nopony is supposed to know about it, it’s their secret weapon in case there’s ever a major invasion.” Dash actually looks really desperate to keep this under wraps.

“Is it public knowledge that they have a secret weapon, even if the specifics are unknown?”

“No. Supposedly, they’re just better trained, and only get in if they get actual combat experience outside the unit. But really, it’s if they find somepony who can actually boltcast, and they teach ‘ya how to hone that. Spitfire can do it, but she declined joining, so did Soarin’.”

“That’s a really stupid military tactic.” At the look of confusion I get from Dash, I decide to clarify. “Think about it. If you say your city has a secret weapon that can kill a gryphon, but the opposition doesn’t know what it is and therefore doesn’t know how to stop it, it sounds like you have the ultimate weapon, which means only the really brave or really stupid would attack, thus meaning, fewer attackers overall.”

“Uhm, Anthony? We are ruled by the two beings who control the sun and moon. They had a heated debate a thousand years ago that made the entire world endure a two-week night. I think our ‘obvious’ weapons are good enough.” Rainbow Dash looked smugly at me.

“And yet here I stand, enough power to wipe out both of them in seconds... and I’m on the inside... And if there are more of those demons...”

Dash looks at me worriedly. “But... how are you more powerful than Luna or Celestia? Or both, really?”

“Because I don’t shy away from killing. I don’t need to match their power, I just need to kill them. Seriously, you guys think way too much about magic and not enough about mortality.”

“B- but if you killed them, then what about the sun and moon? There’s nothing else strong enough to move them.”

“I’m a stellar being, I don’t really need sunlight. Or the moon. Technically speaking, I could completely wipe you all out and lose nothing. I’m your worst nightmare.” I then give her a happy smile. “And we’re friends!!” I crush her in a big bear hug.

She eeps, and shouts, “Not cool, man! I was freakin’ out!”

“Rainbow, think about it. Sure I wouldn’t lose anything, but what would I gain? The only reason anybody fights is to gain something from it. If I have no reason to be your enemy, why should I be?” I pause. “There is no reason. I’m also not the kind who kills for fun. Even with our screwy science, us humans are dangerous, but if there’s nothing for us to gain from being violent, we just don’t care.”

Dash nods, her fuzzy face tickling my ear. “Oh, yeah, I came in through your window because Twilight cussed me out last week for breaking another window, and I wanted to get in. The other windows are closed. D’ya know where the new Daring Do book is?”

“Still don’t know how you guys stand that trash... check the kids section, seriously, it’s just a kid’s series.” I push her back slightly so I can look her in the eyes.

“Just shows you don’t like history. It’s all based on real things, I just know it!”

“For a while, people thought Star Wars was based on real stuff that happened a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. And you are right, I never got more than a B in any History class I took. I hate it.”

Rainbow lets out another ‘pfft’ that ruffles my bangs, and I realize that my hair is falling across my eyes in a tangled, curly mess. Crap, I need a haircut.

“Anyway, go find your literary garbage heap, and I’m gonna go find a place to get a haircut. I need to rid of this giant mop on my head.” I’m about to get up but then I think about something. “Hey Dash, you’re a tough pony, right? What’d you think of some of the music I played at my hero party?”

“Pretty awesome!”

“Hmmm... how about something a little more... dark?”

“Dude! Awesome!”

“Alright... just warning you. Not everyone will enjoy this, ‘cause a bunch of you ponies are wusses. Here’s a good one.” I pull the Lyre out from under my mattress and start playing the song.

Once more, the song began flowing as the night crept up my arms. About halfway through, I saw that she’s air-guitaring along with the song, a goofy grin on her face.

The two of us head bob, and she somehow gets the lyrics along with me.

The song soon is finished and I’m panting. “And that... is what we call Hard Rock!”

“That...” Dash pants a few times. “Whoo... that was awesome! I can see why you didn’t play it with the foals around, though. Heh... oh, I’m gonna go check out that book, and maybe go see what the new person, whatsername, uh...”

“Myrna. Personally, I wouldn’t forget the name of a hundred-plus foot-long snake woman who turned me to stone. But that’s just me, I guess.”

Dash nods. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She shudders, and a look of fear passes over her face. “It was like being stuck in a full-body cast, but I couldn’t see and it felt like I was suffocating, like, the whole time!”

“Yeah, I’d imagine that’s what being turned to stone feels like. I can’t imagine how Discord could stand that for a thousand years. Which, by the way, is three zeros.”

Dash frowns again. “I- I guess I never thought of it like that.”

“Suddenly, him always trying to escape being hit by the elements makes sense, huh?”

Dash nods, and begins making her way shakily to the stairs. “I’m, uh, just going to get the... the book.”

“How the mighty fall, when they realize that their treatment of villains, is just as villainous.” I pause looking at Rainbow. “Nevermind, just thinking aloud.”

Now, I’m looking around the town, because I’ve honestly not needed the services of a barber in the last two-ish years... or maybe, exactly two, if Myrna really does come from the same world as me.

I figure that I might stop by the spa, see if the owners knew. Similar business and all that. Plus, I hadn’t met the owners yet, despite being at the spa yesterday.

I step up to the spa, seeing that it states it’s not open on sundays and mondays, which isn’t a problem, as it’s wednesday now. Ducking under the relatively short door as usual, I look around. There’s only two ponies in here, one of them being... Big Mac? Huh, well, guess I’m not the only tough guy who likes a bit of pampering. Also, an orange pony with curly hair, who’s reading a magazine.

I decide I should just sit down and wait. I don’t think anything in these magazines would be interesting, but I decide I might give one a shot, not actually looking at the title.

The magazine is full of various tips about growing gardens, all with weirdly worded sentences. Also, most of the phrasing makes no sense. Wait... I stop as I get to the ‘readers write in’ section, and the realization hits me that the entire magazine is written in classy double entendre. About vegetable gardening.

Gingerly, I put the magazine back on the table and settle into my chair. If that’s their idea of smut used for humor... good lord this place is messed up. I take a chance with another, this time looking at the title first. Equestrian Geographic.

Heh, this might be interesting. Maybe I can learn something. I find an article on gryphon culture. Flipping past the two-page photo of a painting of a castle shaped like a bird skull, I scan the article.

‘Many decades before the rise of the Diarchy to power over Equestria as its rulers, the Grand Empire of King Rueter rose to power, and a more dynamic king has, thankfully, not been seen since those times’ was the opener, followed soon by ‘Gleb Rueter was the first Gryphon to unify the entirety of the Gryphon Nations, taking the scattered threads of civilization, and weaving them into a glorious basket, capable of carrying all of Gryphon kind.’

What the fuck am I reading? No, really? I mean... what’s with the basket thing? I thought gryphons... well, as far as my mythology went, they are semi-intelligent, and fully sentient here. But mostly, they’re just predators... I mean, sure they could have a kingdom but... something about this sounds... wrong. But I just don’t know why.

This is definitely the same magazine as National Geographic, but with a different title. And planet, I suppose.

I read a little more, morbid curiosity daring me to. ‘The fundamental barbarity of gryphons prevents their civilizations from lasting long.’ Hell of a quote. The gryphon I met certainly served meat, but he seemed nice, he wasn’t a brute, he was grateful for Vinyls help... Oh well, I guess there’s probably something similar to the First Amendment here, so they can write whatever crap they want.

I look up, and see that the orange mare has already left, I must’ve sat here longer than I thought, going over this article. I’m about to ask if there’s any way to call the spa owners when one opens the door and calls in Big Mac.

Just sitting here, I think about looking over another magazine, but only the fates know what I’ll get this time... I decide not to, so I just sit and wait. I’m not even here as a customer, I just wanna know where a salon is!

After about half an hour of waiting later, the orange mare from before leaves, her mane more bouncy and shiny than before, and the pony who let her out looks to me. I sense some vague recollection, and the blue mare with a pink mane smiles at me.

I get up and walk over. “Uh, yeah, hi. Uh, I was wondering if Ponyville had a salon, and if so, where it is and what it’s called.”

“Oh! Vell, my seester und I can-” she coughs once, then continues. “ah, that is, my sister and I can help you vith your hair, Anthony. And you still have that discount!” She smiles broadly.

“Well, thanks. I guess if I’m here, I might see what other services you have. Though a massage might be difficult. Muscle structure being pretty much completely different. But you’re welcome to try.”

The mare squeals happily. “Very vell, then! Eets your first time here, so you get this one free. I’ll go get my sister. Mr. McIntosh is volunteering for today, so we’re not short of hooffs.”

“Well, lead the way, uh... I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name.”

She giggled again, behind her hoof, and led me into the building. “It’s Lotus, Anthony.”

I’m led to the main area of the spa and I see the general stuff I’d expect from a human spa. A jacuzzi, a sauna, massage beds, mud packs, all that stuff. Granted everything is sized for a pony, so I’m a little big, but it seems like the spa sisters are going to do their best anyway. Lotus leads me over to another pony in similar attire. In fact, they’re completely identical, except this new pony has a pink coat with a blue mane. Even the colors are exactly the same, just swapped.

“This ees my twin sister, Aloe.”

“It ees vonderfol to finally meet you, mister Anthony!” Aloe greets me with a large smile. “I vill be giffing you your manecut.”

“It’s certainly nice to meet you. Don’t give me anything fancy though, just cut it short. I’m not big on appearances.”

One of the sisters clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “Such a shame, it ees much to vork vith.”

“I’d rather not start fighting another demon and have my hair accidentally cover my eyes.”

“Still, it ees a shame nonetheless.” Aloe leads me to a chair that is just barely big enough for me, and Lotus brings out a stepping stool so Aloe can actually reach my head.

Despite having just hooves, she manages to use scissors just as easily as a person. It doesn’t take long before she is finished and I am brought a mirror. I take a look and it’s just as I requested. Rather short, not completely flat, but not a giant mass. Said giant mass is now on the ground, being swept up by another stallion.

Once that is done, the sisters take a few of the pony-sized massage beds and set them up next to each other, making a large table that could fit me. I lay on it, after being instructed to lay on my stomach. I hear heavy hoofsteps on the smooth tile floor, along with Aloe or Lotus explaining to whoever is to be giving me my massage the run-down on what to do.

A moment of silence, then the hooves move to me. A crackling like knuckles being popped echoed from above me, and I have no time to contemplate it before the first hoof hits my back.

However, it’s not a hit like in combat, but merely the sudden placement of a hoof on my back. It’s big enough to cover one shoulder blade entirely. The inside of the hoof, which I should take the time to learn the name of some day, moved in ripples as it begins to massage my back. The hoof begins to move, pulsing and moving like machine designed for massages, another hoof beginning to do the same.

I can feel my muscles almost liquefying, knots in my back almost removing themselves.

Then, a series of careful, precise jabs along my spine seemed to almost shatter it - but after a second, I relax as I feel my spine settle into a relaxed, natural curve. I sigh happily.

Nearly fifteen minutes of being worked over later, the massage stops. Rolling over, I prepare to thank my masseur profusely, as they did an excellent job. Sure enough, as advertised, it’s Big Mac, his hair tied back by a spa headband. He looks at me with an expression that asks if I approve of his work.

“Wow, that was good, man. Thanks. Taking a break from the farm today?”

He nods. “Eeyup.”

From the next bed over, I hear a familiar voice, but drowsy, speak up. “And he does an excellent job, too~” I look past Big Mac, and see a large, white pony practically merging with her massage bed from relaxation, her wings limp and horned head down in the rest.

“Now what would Princess Celestia be doing here in a spa in Ponyville?” I ask, confusedly. “I’m sure there are better places closer to Canterlot. Right?”

“Mmm... if I wanted to cover my eyes in cucumber slices and mud, I’d have another food fight with my sister in the gardens. Here, I can get just a massage and hot soak... and a masseuse who’ll pummel my back until I can’t feel my hips~” her voice is almost a purr. “I get three hours to get this done every month, and it’s worth so much more than any in Canterlot.”

“Eeyup.” Big Mac adds.

I raise an eyebrow a I pull my clothes back on. “You can only get this kind of treatment three hours per month?” I ask. “Jeez, can’t you get a break more often? I mean, you’re... well, half in charge of everything.”

“And if I leave the nobility in half charge of everything for more than three hours, I risk coming back to anarchy, revolt, or another cultist uprising.”

“Cultist uprising? I had no idea the princess was allowed to joke around.” I say flatly.

“I wish I was joking.” she says grumpily, before sighing. “Any time I’m missing, either a bunch of doomsayers or solar cultists pop up like mushrooms on a dungheap. Sometimes both, and then I have to clear out the most ridiculous turf wars afterwards.”

“I didn’t think the nobility had the brain cells to start a cult. They seem to think with their pockets before anything else.” I reply, recalling my brief stay in Canterlot.

“Well, you’re not wrong...” she says, sighing deeply. “Either way, the summary is that I can’t leave my ponies unattended. I’ve tried before, Luna has tried before, it has always ended poorly. May we change topics? I’d like to be relaxing here right now.”

I shrug. “Fair enough. Though there are a few issues I’d like to talk about, now that we aren’t surrounded by ponies that expect me to kiss your feet or take off your head.”

“Oh?” she asks, before giving a hearty moan at Big Mac going to work on her back again. It kinda does look like assault from here, but she seems to be fine with it.

“Why pick me to be the bodyguard for the new changeling queen? I mean, why not someone who hadn’t voted to kill them all?”

“Because you already -oof- have an idea what her mother was like. Because you nee -aah- eed to learn moderation of your -ooh- reactions. Because I felt it -oof- would make you a better, kinder -mmm- being. Because -ow- you needed to learn they weren’t all -ooh- evil. There’s dozens of reasons, take your -mmf- pick.”

“Didn’t change their view of me much, especially since I basically said that if they didn’t do exactly as their new leader said I’d roast them. And given what I heard about the new queens sisters, they aren’t all evil but they certainly aren’t exactly model citizens.”

“That is -mmf- one of the things I’m worried about. From what the -ooh- intelligence report said, the -aah- new queen is willing to work for -oof- peace, but took the brunt of the appalling treatment -mmm- she and her sisters took from their mother. If the -haaa- reports are true, Chrysalis’ crimes are numerous enough to -ooh- warrant a war crimes trial for -mmf- actions long before she engaged -aah- Equestria.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured she was a bitch when she tried to make me into a meat battery. That and not even naming your kid. The new queen seemed pretty happy when I gave her one.”

“You named her? And she accepted?” Celestia asks as Big Mac lets up on the massaging. The large red stallion looks her over before nodding and moving towards a large metal rolling table covered in oils, lotions, and various spa implements.

“Renaissance.” I specify. “She seemed to like it. I figured it was fitting since she was supposed to be replacing a tyrant... and not being a tyrant herself.”

“Mmm... good name. Still, our research into Changeling practices state that only someone your better can name you. And trying to give a nickname or the like is a sign that you think you’re better than the changeling you’re naming.”

“Nobody in the hive seemed to question it, and she seemed really proud that she had a name. So what, am I now her surrogate dad or something? Because I’m not gonna do that, I’m not up for being a father.”

“... We’ll go with ‘or something’ for this, Anthony. I don’t think you’d be comfortable with the details I was informed of for non-relations in this sort of situation.”

I sigh. “Fair enough. So, what’s it like being a princess who... well I should probably clarify what ‘princess’ means in human culture, huh?”

“That would likely help my explanation, yes.” she says, as Big Mac gingerly lifts a series of stones out of a small brazier, each of them glowing slightly from the heat, and settling them onto Celestia’s back. She coos at the temperature.

“Well, a princess... is the daughter of the queen. She's not in charge of anything really, princess is more of a title you get because you were born into it. In general, the main job of a princess is to do nothing and wait to marry some prince of another country or kingdom and become a queen herself.”

“Sounds like a less martial form of the Griffon royal system.”

“Yeah, princesses are mainly a prize for a hero or something, because it’s typical for a princess to be beautiful and all important because she’s royal. But you act more like a king... being in actual charge of the kingdom and passing laws and holding courts. Heck, that’s why it’s called a kingdom.”

“Hmm... well, Equestria is just a nation, but I suppose that makes sense where you come from. Technically, we’re a federated states, but the laws interpreting it that way were quietly abolished nine hundred years before Luna’s exile.” Celestia explains, her voice getting slowly more and more quiet as she relaxes into the bench.

“And the way I see it, based on the way you described, you guys are based on a herd system for the most part, like Earth horses.” she interrupts me to chide me for the term ‘horse’, but I roll on, “You’re in charge, and when the person in charge of the whole group is gone, the herd has no idea what to do and just sort of falls apart unless there’s already a pecking order established in the herd itself.”

“Well, the original idea of the Stable of Nobility was specifically to provide that ‘pecking order’ as you so put it, but, well... mortals don’t have the same ability to look two or three thousand years ahead when they make an action in self interest. While I wish I could say my foresight is perfect... well, I established the Stable of Nobility and gave it immunity to dissolution by the crown. I thought it would make them responsible for their own actions... and for the first few generations, it did.”

“One big mistake early on, princess...” I say, settling down and just staring at the ceiling. “Don’t give power to those who’ve never earned it. I guarantee you they won’t know what to do with it and it’ll all go downhill.”

She sighs, and Big Mac comes back, holding up a mud pack and offering it to me. I shake my head in refusal and he sets it on the cart without a word.

“Still, that is something I hadn’t yet been able to anticipate. I should’ve taken better heed of the problems surrounding the existing power structures when Luna and I took over. We were still young, then. Hindsight is sixteen-sixteen.”

“Twenty-Twenty.” I say. “Humans say Twenty-Twenty vision for hindsight. That’s perfect for us.”

“Why twen- oh, yes, you have four fingers and a thumb on each hand. I assume you’re used to a base ten math structure, then?”

“You use base four?” I ask, a bit intrigued. “Strange. Ten just seems like a much more rounded number, as it’s twice the halfway point for single digits.”

“For you, perhaps. I think there may be some form of translation effect between us, because every word you’re not making sense. Eight is twice ten.”

“Weirdos.” I say. “Explains why you’re still in the dark ages if you’re using math like that.”

“I’m not sure what you mean by that. Math is math, no matter the number system you use. You can use tally marks to explain math, and it makes the same results as any other form.” Celestia says, sounding like she’s said it before.

“Yeah well, still, you guys are pretty low-tech. You don’t even have microwave ovens.”

“‘Microwave’ ovens? They shrink things? Or they use small waves?” Celestia asks.

I throw her a snarky grin. “Don’t worry, if it’s over your head I won’t hurt your fragile little brain with the details.”

“Mmm... so you resort to backpedalling into juvenile comments when you can’t explain, understood.” she snarks right back.

“The princess still showing an unprofessional side, but only when relatively alone. Interesting. Why wear a mask that says you are a paragon?”

“I don’t put it on. Everypony else does that for me.” she says.

“I can fix that.” I say. “If you’d like. Then you wouldn’t have to be praised for every breath you take and be treated like you hallow the ground with every step you take.”

“No... I can’t force them back into anarchy again. I have worked for a thousand years and more... to make them less dependant on me. They will eventually take their own steps without me guiding them to good. Many already do. I rarely have to leave Canterlot anymore to deal with dark mages, death cultists, and monster ranchers with sinister intent anymore.”

“Maybe you should.” I say. “Then the ponies wouldn’t have to rely on me to clean up problems like that.”

“So far, you’ve only saved Ponyville, and sort of Ponyville again, depending on how much of Discord’s damages you take responsibility for. However... you are potentially reforming him to become a constructive and helpful force, not merely a danger, and I thank you for that. I just wish you could apply that understanding to more than just the outcasts of this world.” I notice that there aren’t any other ponies in the Spa with us at this point.

“It’s the outcasts that deserve acceptance. You don’t need acceptance if you’re already accepted. Right? Isn’t that a good lesson? Don’t take more of something when you already have enough of it?”

“You know very little of how a society works if you think others accepting you is all that is needed to accept one’s self.”

“Pfft, I already accept myself and that’s all I need. Besides, it’s your job to build society, not mine, so that’s a moot point.”

“As you say.” she responds offhandedly, before groaning and lifting the stones from her back, where they’ve cooled down to normal temperatures. “Unfortunately, I have to cut this conversation short. I have thirty minutes to get back to Canterlot before risking the nobility trying to sneak a law past me that lets them re-enact slavery or some other stupid idea they thought of this time.” she says.

“I’d like to do this again. It’s nice to have a chat rather than a stern demonizing.”

“That would be nice, Anthony. I enjoy being talked to as a person as well. It’s a rare enough treat. Perhaps in a few months, once you get back from Wunderland.” Celestia lights her horn and simply teleports away.