Detective On The Case!by TheDarkenedDawn
Chapters
1: That Milk is Expired!
Butter Berrys Lays in his bed, tossing and turning. He turned on his back and looked up at his ceiling. "Ugh...I can't SLEEP!" He griped. "I hate this lumpy mattress, I hate this night and I...hate...EVERYTHING!" He just lied there. He then smacked his lips together, realizing he was thirsty. He hopped up out of bed, and stomped through his bedroom door and begun walking down the stairs, but one of them broke under his foot causing him to fall down the stairs. He smacked every stair until he hit the bottom. "OW!" He screamed, before catching his breath and standing up.
He walked into his kitchen, and there was a tall hooded pony standing with his back facing Berrys, and he was digging through the fridge. Berrys then blinked twice before rubbing his eyes. "Whu...who the hell are you?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
The pony looked back at Berrys, holding a carton of milk in his mouth. "W-Wait, hey I don't know who you are...or what you are, and I don't even know if I'm dreaming, but get out out of my effing house!" He yelled. But the pony just stood there. "Umm...hello? can your Neanderthal brain hear me?" He asked, waving his hoof in the ponies face.
The pony then bolted, running right past Berrys and towards the front door.
"Oh no you DON'T!" He exclaimed, before flying to the door before the hooded pony could. He stood in front of it. "Ha...you're not getting out this door!"
The hooded pony looked around frantically, before running in the living room, and jumping through one of the windows, completely shattering it. He then ran off into the night.
"Noo!" Berrys screamed as he opened the door and watched the hooded pony get away. Berrys just sat down on the ground, with his hoofs crossed. "Heh...jokes on him, that milk expired three weeks ago!" He giggled to himself. A pony then walked up and stood over Berrys, causing Berrys to look up. "Who are you?"
"I'm Detective..." He stated. "So, have you seen a hooded pony around here?"
Berrys then got up to look Detective in the eye. "Uhh I didn't just see him, I watched him run off with my gallon of expired milk!" He yelled, waving his hoof in the direction he ran in.
"Where you able to make out any details?"
"Well, let's see...besides for his dumb-plot hood, not really!"
"Alright, thank you for your time." Detective replied before turning around and beginning to walk away.
"Wait, why did you want to know this anyways?" Berrys asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because he's been stealing random items from random homes, and I'm trying to put a stop to this!" detective said.
"Oh, really? good 'cause I felt very victimized! although, that's pretty normal for me!"
"Still, I must be off!" Detective said, before turning around and walking away.
"Wait, I wanna help!" Berrys exclaimed, following up right behind Detective.
"What, why?"
"Because that nut stole my milk, and broke my last window!"
"Yeah right! I don't need your help!" He replied, being extra snarky.
"Well fine! I thought I'd actually try and be a help to somepony, but forget it!" Berrys exclaimed before turning tail and walking back towards his home. He then slammed his door, and having it fall right off the hinges. "OH MOTHER OF CELESTIA!"
Detective looked back towards Berrys house, and saw how broken down it was. He then shook the thought off "No, I'm not working with that disaster on hoofs...I work alone..."
The Next Morning:
Berrys walked through the market to buy more milk with the money he was able to scrape up. As he walked through he saw Detective questioning ponies. "Oh look it's mister 'duu...I woik awone!' brat!" He mumbled to himself as he walked to the dairy booth. As he purchased his drink he couldn't help but eavesdrop on the conversation Detective was having.
"Alright carrot top, what did he steal?"
"He stole my favorite drinking glass, and my best Cookie recipe!"
"Wait a minute..." Said Caramel, butting in on the conversation. "He stole my Cookie ingredients!"
"Alright, thank you for your time." Detective said as he started to walk away.
"Pfft..." Berrys thought to himself. "What is he gonna do, make cookies and milk?" He then stopped dead in his tracks. "wait a minute...cookies and milk, and ponies eat that, that is food, food is something crucial to survive...surviving...surviving...everypony needs to survive, and to survive we need..." He thought long and hard before getting a brilliant idea. "That's it!" He yelled before catching up to Detective. "Detective, DETECTIVE!" He then tripped over a rock and went flying right into Detective's back, causing them both to smack the ground.
"Ugh...what do you want this time?" Detective asked.
"I know how we can find this guy!" Berrys replied before getting up and handing a hoof to Detective and helping him up.
"Uh 'we'?" Detective asked in a snarky attitude.
"Yes, I'll only tell you if you let me help you!" He exclaimed in pure confidence.
Detective then sat there and thought for a minute. "Hmm, well...fine! this idea better matter, and if it doesn't, you're out!" He yelled very aggressively. "Now spit it out, what is it?!"
"Alright!" Berrys lit up with joy. Before taking a deep breath. "The answer is..."
2: It Keeps The Rats Fed
"The answer is...Milk and Cookies!" Berrys exclaimed. Detective just looked him in the eye, completely confused.
"Milk and Cookies? Whelp, you're out!" He said before walking away.
"No no no no no!" Berrys yelled, flying right in front of Detective. "You see, we eat Milk and Cookies, we eat to survive, and to survive we also need water! Rearrange and add an extra 'R' the word 'water' and what do you get? Terra, and terra means ground, what hides under ground? secret layers! And guess who usually uses secret layers! Villains! what are secret layers usually made of? Metal...and lucky for us I've got a metal detector at home that's just barely functional!" Berrys said, with a smile.
Detective just blinked a couple times, trying to process what he just heard. "Okay...so what you're saying is we use your metal detector, look for something that might not even exist, and if it actually does nopony promised it'd be made of metal, and we have no idea where to even begin looking?! Detective asked, completely dumbfounded
"Yup!"
"Well it's official...You're out!" Detective yelled as he begun to walk away again.
"Ugh...stop doing that!" Berrys yelled as he flew in-front of him again. "Look, I promise it'll work!"
"Okay, fine...but how do we know where to start looking?" Detective asked, with an eyebrow raised.
"Leave it to me!"
The Next Night:
Berrys was in his living room, digging through one of his drawers, and Detective was leaning against one of the walls, looking nice and irritated. "Would you hurry up?" Detective asked, very snotty "It reeks in here!"
"Oh, you're probably smelling the racoon that died the other day!" Berrys replied, rushing over to another drawer.
"A...A Racoon...died in here and you just...left it there?" Detective asked, terrified.
"Well yeah, feeds the mice so they won't steal MY food!"
Detective then just sat there, not really sure how to respond to that.
"Ahh...here it is!" He exclaimed, pulling out a bag of chocolate coins. "They're not rotten yet either, sweet!"
"Okay, so what was the plan again?" Asked Detective.
"Well you see..." Berrys then brushed all the junk off of one of the tables and started dragging it towards the entrance "We put this bag of 'real' bits here, and I'll hide upstairs. we wait for him to steal it and I'll follow him from high in the sky, to his secret layer!" Berrys said, starting to put on a black suite.
"You know, that's not actually a bad plan!" Detective replied, finding it hard to admit.
Berrys then lit up with joy as he positioned the table right in front of the entrance that has no door. "Alright, you wait on the landing and peek down, then give me a signal for when I start to follow him!" Berrys said.
"Umm okay...will do..." They then got in their positions, and waited...and waited...and waited...
About an hour had passed and they saw nothing. Berrys sat in front of his bedroom window, and he was now getting annoyed. "Ugh...SEE ANYTHING YET?!" He asked, looking towards the stairs.
"Like I said the last thirteen times...if I saw something I'D TELL YOU-"
"SHH!" Berrys exclaimed "he's coming." He whispered just loud enough for Detective to hear. Berrys looked out the window and watched as the hooded pony crept up towards the house. Once he got in the entrance Detective watched as he dug through the bag, and picked up a coin. He examined it, before peeling the wrapper off.
"Ugh...dang..." Detective thought.
The pony then started unwrapping all of them, and stuffing the empty wrappers in a small duffle bag. He then turned tail and started to walk into the darkness. Berrys flew out through the window, and quietly followed him high in the sky. Holding his metal detector. He followed him through ponyville until about half-way through.
Suddenly Berrys hoof slipped, and accidentally turned the metal detector on, causing a loud beep. The hooded pony then froze and looked up in Berrys direction. Berrys was completely blended in so the Hooded Pony just saw a floating red light.
"Buck..." Berrys mumbled, face hoofing. He then started waving it around. "Dear Equestrian...we come in peace!" He exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. The hooded pony then bolted. "Crap!" Berrys yelled, as he began to follow him. He chased him until he got to the entrance of the Everfree Forest. "I can't see...I'll have to continue on hoof!" He griped as he flew to the ground and ran into the forest.
after about fifteen minutes, berrys eventually stopped hearing the hoof steps, and had no idea where to continue. "Uhh..." Berrys then pulled the metal detector out and started scanning the ground. He scanned for a while, until it started to beep. "Gasp...jackpot!"
He then brushed the leaves around and found a little valve. "Huh...I found it? I FOUND IT!" he exclaimed, jumping up and down with excitement.
He then tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge. He pulled as hard as he could before his hoof came loose and he flew into a tree, landing upside down. "Ugh...I need Detective..."
A Little While Later:
Berrys and Detective walked towards the woods, in the dead of night. "So, you actually managed to find a secret layer?!" Detective asked, in complete shock.
"Yep!"
"Well, I guess I doubted you! You're not nearly as useless as I thought!" They then made it to the entrance of the woods, as Berrys and Detective walked in. "Alright, so where is it Berrys?" He asked.
"Well it's...uh..."
"Would you just spit it out?" Detective asked, as annoyed as buck.
"I forgot..."
"You...you forgot?" Detective asked, "Please tell me you're joking!"
"Well...I'm sorry, man! I completely forgot!" Berrys yelled, getting mad.
"Actually...You are as useless as I thought!" Detective screamed.
Suddenly, they heard something crunching the leaves around them...
3: I'm Not Fat
Berrys and Detective froze at the sound of leaves crunching around them. There where obviously a bunch of ponies."Uhh, Detective...please tell me that's your assistant that you haven't told me about!" Berrys yelled, in true fear. Detective just stood there, frozen.
"I told you...I work alone..." He mumbled.
Suddenly, from the trees they heard a voice: "Well...hello there Detective and Berrysss!" It hissed.
"We didn't expect to sssee you here!" A voice from behind them said.
"Who's there?!" Detective confidently asked, stomping his hoof on the ground.
Berrys then hid behind Detective, "Uhh, Detective...maybe we should go-"
"Ahh...we are the onesss you've been looking for..." They heard the voice come from the woods.
"The onesss you need..."
"The onesss you should fear..."
"What are you talking about?!" Detective yelled, looking more angry with every word.
Berrys then bit his lip, "Uh...let's go now-"
"Now..." They heard the voice on front of them. "Leave while you ssstill can..." He then revealed himself to be the hooded pony.
Berrys then grabbed Detective and tried to pull him away, but he wouldn't budge. "Uhh, let's heed their warning-"
"NO! We won't leave without our answers!" Detective screamed, looking at Berrys. He then looked back at the hooded pony. "Now, why are you stealing things from ponies?" He asked, with an eyebrow raised.
"I'm sorry, but that's not important right now..." The hooded pony hissed. "Now, get 'em boys!" He yelled, stomping his hoof against the ground. Suddenly, the other ponies in the trees showed themselves, revealing that they all look exactly like the Hooded Pony. "GO!" Suddenly, they all flew at Berrys and Detective, causing Berrys to huddle up underneath Detective.
Every time one flew at them, Detective was able to buck them away. He tried to keep this up, but every time he hit one, more would come out of the forest. "Berrys, We have to get out of here!" Detective yelled.
"That's what I'VE BEEN SAYING!" Berrys screamed back.
"I don't think we can make a run for it, you're gonna have to fly us out of here!" He yelled.
"Bu-bu..." Berrys mumbled as he uncovered his eyes. "I can't carry you...you're fat!"
"Um...Excuse me?!"
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!" Berrys whined.
"Oh then WHAT DID YOU MEAN?!" Detective screamed back.
"Yesss...Continue to fight, break your relationship, and ssset the plan into motion..." The hooded pony mumbled. Suddenly, he got a transmission, and put his hoof up to his ear piece. "Ugh...What do you want?" He asked. "Wait...what? Oh no...I-I'll be there ASSSAP!" He replied, before bringing his hoof down. He then clapped twice, causing his minions to cease their attack. "Guysss, follow! We've got important businesss to attend to!"
They all dissapeared into the darkness, and before the leader entered, he looked back at Detective and Berrys. "Thisss isssn't over!" He yelled, before following the rest. Berrys and Detective couldn't hear the leaves crunching as they escaped.
Berrys looked at Detective, completely dumbfounded. "Uhh...what was that?" He asked.
Detective just looked at Berrys. "I have no idea..." He replied. "But we need to figure it out!"
The Next Day:
"Alright, so here's what we know!" Detective exclaimed as they stood in Berrys' living room. "We know that there's a bunch of him, we know their residing in the Everfree forest, and we know that-"
"Their really tall, and buff, and scary!" Berrys exclaimed.
"Yes...thanks for the heads up..." Detective replied, sarcastically.
"You're welcome!"
"...Anyways...We need to find their base, and we know it's in the Everfree forest!"
"Umm, yeah...but I don't remember!" Berrys replied.
"Here, try to retrace your steps in your mind...you NEED to remember this!"
Berrys then thought hard for a second, trying to remember where he saw it. "W-Wait...I think I remember!" He exclaimed.
"Good, now lead me to it!"
Berrys then ran out the door, and led Detective through the woods, and brought him to a large creek.
Detective just looked at Berrys."Uh...please tell me it's on the other side of this creek!" Detective exclaimed.
"No...there was no creek in sight! But I swear that it was right here!" He confidentially said. "Maybe they have some sort of device to change the environment.
"Hahaha...real funny!" Detective scoffed.
"No I'm serious..."
"Look, don't blame them for your terrible memory, we'll just have to look for it..." Detective replied, as he walked along the creek.
"No, I swear it was here...I SWEAR!"
"Come and get me if you find anything, wait don't come, just yell...'cuz you'll LOSE IT AGAIN!" Detective screamed back at Berrys.
"OH WELL SORRY...I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT BEING A SMARTASS LIKE YOU!" Berrys screamed back, but Detective just continued to walk away.
"Hmph..." Berrys groaned as he sat down next to the creek.
4: Into The Fort
Berrys sat to the creek. "Ugh...stupid brain, WORK!" He yelled, smacking his head. "It was right here, I know it!" He exclaimed. He looked into the creek and saw something beeping, in the murky depths. "W-What is that?" He asked, leaning into the river, and falling in. He took this advantage and swam towards the bottom, to the red beeping light. He swam towards it, and saw it was that same valve. Whoever this is has control over this forest.
He grabbed onto the valve and tried to pull it, but it was still too strong. He started to run out of breath, and had to swim back to the surface. "DETECTIVE!" he screamed as he surfaced. He swam back to the ground and crawled out of the water. "DETECTIVE, GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!" he screamed, but just heard it echo through the empty woods. "Grrr..." He groaned.
MEANWHILE:
Detective trotted through the woods, by now he had broken from the stream and took his own path. "Damn Berrys..." He mumbled to himself. "Why does he have to be such a bumbling fool?" He continued to walk through the woods, before tripping on something buried in the leaves. "Ow..." He groaned. He staggered to his feet and collected his thoughts before looking down at what he had tripped on. All he saw was something reflecting the sunlight. "What is that?" He asked himself before brushing the leaves away, revealing it to be a valve.
"This looks like the one Berrys described..."
He then grabbed ahold of it and pulled. It turned loose with barely any effort. "Pfft...Berrys you weakling..." He mumbled to himself. He then spun it in a circle and heard something break loose, before it opened up. All that was down there was pitch-blackness. He used his magic to open his saddlebags and pull a flashlight out. He shined it down the hole and saw it go down for a while.
"I found it...I could go get Berrys but..." He thought to himself, looking down again. "He'll just ruin everything because he's an idiot. Whelp...here goes nothing..." He then grabbed on to the ladder and climbed down, shining the flashlight under him. It felt like an eternity before he made it to the bottom. It was pitch black, and he shined his light down the hall and the hall went on for a while. It looked super futuristic down here, like something you'd see in a sci-fi movie.
He continued to quietly walk down, inspecting the walls that were covered in wires. He eventually found a fork in his path, and looked all three ways and saw nothing. "Hmm, Let's see, if i wanted to go the right way, then wouldn't it be the right path? Nah, I'll go left." As he walked down, the lights started to turn on one by one, lighting the entire place up. Detective panicked as he heard someone climbing down the ladder. He turned the flashlight off and buried himself in some of the wires on the wall. He couldn't get completely buried before the two hooded ponys started walking by.
"I'm...bucking...screwed..."
"Ssso, what did you think about thossse meddling poniesss?" One of them asked.
"I thought they where dessspicable." The other one replied. "I just hope they don't actually find out our sssecretsss!"
"They won't, gemuly...they won't!" The other one assured, tapping his head. By this point Detective couldn't hear them anymore because they where too far away. After they had left he waited a minute, then crawled out from the thick wires.
"Phew...that was close..." He sighed. He then continued his way in the opposite direction as the hooded ponies and went in the right path. He eventually found a dead-end with nothing but a scanner. "Shoot..." He mumbled. "Now how am I gonna get in?"
"Why would you want in?" He heard the voice behind him, and turned around to see two hooded ponies standing there, aggressively. "How did you get in thisss place?" The one on the right asked.
"Yeah, uhh...how?" the one on the left replied.
"That's what I said, Sssabmud!" The first one exclaimed, smacking him upside the head.
"Ow..."
"What are you hiding?!" Detective yelled, looking them eight in the eyes , with no fear at all.
"Who needs to know?" The one on the left asked.
"I do, now you're gonna tell me why you're stealing, and who you are...or I'll get physical!"
"Oooh...I'm ssso ssscared!" The one on the left exclaimed in a sarcastic voice.
"Well maybe a little..."
"SHUT UP Sssabmud!" The one on the left yelled, smacking him again.
"Whelp...you asked for it!" Detective shrugged, running up and kicking Sssabmud in the face, causing him to pass out.
"DAMN IT SSSABMUD...YOU'RE USELESS!" The one on the right screamed, before charging at Detective. Detective then kicked him in the face. Detective then looked at the last one, and gave an evil smile. The last one ran off.
"that ought to teach them!" Detective thought, grabbing Sssabmud and using his hoof on the scanner. The door then opened, and Detective was amazed by what was inside. There was a giant test tube full of all kinds of junk, like flower pots, staplers, familiar expired milk and chocolate coin wrappers, and all of the above. "Woah...what is this place?" He asked himself, looking around the room. There was a large map, with a touch screen and a stylist, and a giant portal-looking thing, half finished.
He then walked up to the screen. Everything was built in a foreign language. He used his magic to pick up the stylist. "What is this thing?" He asked. In the corner there was a small button, flashing in many different languages. He waited till it flashed into English, and it said 'Change language' so he tapped it. There where all kinds of languages there but he eventually found one that said 'lowlife language' and tapped it, and sure enough, it was English.
He begun looking around this motherboard, and was shocked at what he had found. "Oh...my...gosh..." He mumbled. He was about to start reading, but he heard somepony start walking in through the door...