Author note:
If you don’t know who Bruce Lee is, you probably won’t like this story. He’s very difficult to write about without making him sound like a Mary Sue, so I didn’t even try.
Happy reading, and please leave your Chuck Norris comments at the door.

Twilight Sparkle hurried down the street. The purple unicorn was meeting her friends for lunch and didn’t want to be late. She had organized the meeting because there was something she wanted to discuss with them.

The small café had an outdoor eating area and she found her five friends waiting for her. They all said hello as Twilight sat down.

“What was so important that we all needed to meet?” asked Rainbow Dash, a sky-blue pegasus with a multicolored mane.

“Well,” said Twilight, “I wanted to talk about Bruce.”

“Ah think he might be visitin’ the orchard right now,” said Applejack with her distinctive accent. The orange earth pony pushed her hat back thoughtfully. “He thinks kickin’ trees is good exercise. Ah’m right glad to have his help applebuckin’.”

“I saw him climbing trees, not kicking them,” said Fluttershy. The yellow pegasus smiled and brushed aside part of her pink mane. “He said he was carrying some baby birds back to their nest and getting strength training at the same time.”

“Good, he’s not in town, then. I wanted to surprise him,” said Twilight.

“Oooh, like with a party?” asked Pinkie Pie, her frizzy magenta mane and pink-coated body quivering with excitement.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “You’ve already thrown him so many parties, I doubt he would be surprised anymore, Pinkie. Instead, how about we get him a gift? He’s been such a help around here, we should show how grateful we are.”

“I think it sounds like a splendid idea,” put in Rarity, a white unicorn. She propped her chin on her hoof in thought, her styled indigo mane falling on part of her face. “But what should we get?”

“That’s a tough question,” said Twilight.

Just then, a bipedal creature walked by. He was taller than the ponies and mostly hairless, save for a dark patch on top his head. His skin was dark and bronzed, and he wore a white shirt with buttons over loose black trousers.

“Hello!” he called cheerfully.

The six ponies at the table waved and greeted him in return.

“Where are you off to, Bruce?” asked Rarity.

“I’m just going down to the quarry.” He shrugged. “They say they have some boulders that need to be split.”

“Ah never will forget the day he came here,” said Applejack once the man was out of earshot. “Tumbled right outta the sky.”

“Lucky that old barn was there to break his fall,” said Rainbow.

“And then you didn’t need to spend time taking the barn down because he did it for you,” pointed out Pinkie.

“I certainly appreciate how much time he spends working towards perfection in his life,” said Rarity. “Such dedicated training.”

“I’ll say,” agreed Rainbow. “That sure did come in handy all those times when we had to fight bad guys. I swear, he practically took care of the Changeling invasion all by himself. And Nightmare Moon - who knew you could just beat evil out of somepony?”

“And he’s so in tune with nature,” gushed Fluttershy. “I’ve never seen a creature meditate like he does, and he loves animals so much.”

"Well," said Twilight, "he's been working so hard that he's practically replaced the Elements of Harmony. The entire town has benefited economically because we don't have scary monsters running around having epic battles and destroying things anymore. And he never asks for anything in return!"

The other ponies agreed enthusiastically. “So it’s settled then,” said Twilight. “Let’s go find Bruce a gift!”

The six of them finished their lunch and set off. “Where are we goin’?” asked Applejack.

“We don’t really know what Bruce likes, so how about we just search around until we find something that looks good? I mean, how else do you shop for gifts?” said Pinkie.

The six of them looked around town for a while without finding much that they thought Bruce would like. They found themselves walking towards the Everfree Forest.

“There might be some roots or leaves in there we could make a nice tea from,” suggested Fluttershy.

“Sounds good,” said Twilight. The six of them entered the forest.

“Which way should we go?” asked Rarity.

“I think maybe—” Twilight was cut off as an angry growl rumbled through the forest. A dozen or so timberwolves emerged from the undergrowth. They spread out and surrounded the ponies.

The six friends edged closer together. “Uh, maybe we should leave,” suggested Applejack.

“Good idea,” said Twilight. Her horn glowed and the six of them teleported away to a different part of the forest.

“That was close,” said Rainbow.

Twilight shook her head, a little dazed from the spell. “I guess we just picked the wrong place to look. Maybe we can find something for Bruce here.” She looked around, examining the meadow the six of them had appeared in.

“Hey look!” said Pinkie. “All these flowers would be really nice. I mean, at first glance Bruce doesn’t seem like the frou-frou kind of guy who likes flowers, but they’re really pretty and I bet he appreciates a good floral arrangement as much as anypony.”

Rarity shrugged. “I certainly prefer searching for a gift here rather than over by those nasty timberwolves.”

“Um, do the rest of you see that big manticore over there?” asked Fluttershy. All of them turned to look where she was pointing. A large creature that looked like some combination of lion and a scorpion trotted out of the trees, licking its lips hungrily as it looked upon the ponies.

“Do something, Fluttershy!” shouted Rainbow. “Use the Stare or something!”

“I can’t do it on command!” squeaked the yellow pegasus.

“Gather around, I’ll teleport us again!” said Twilight. She whisked the ponies away once more in a flash of purple light.

“Horseapples,” said Applejack. “Where are we now?”

Twilight groaned. It was tiring using so much magic at once.

“This place looks like Froggy Bottom Bog,” said Fluttershy.

“Maybe there’s a…hmm,” said Pinkie, thinking. She shrugged. “I’ve got nothing. I don’t know what we could possibly find here that Bruce would like.”

There was a sudden, terrible noise. A hydra reared up out of the bog, its four heads roaring in some kind of sinister harmonic chorus.

"You've got to be kidding me!" shouted Rainbow.

Twilight tried to use her teleport spell again, but it fizzled into nothing after using it twice in quick succession. “Get out of here!” she shouted, turning to dash away.

“How do you have enough energy to run if you’re too tired to do magic?” Applejack demanded, galloping alongside her.

“It’s probably got something to do with the fact that her horn is nowhere near her legs,” suggested Pinkie. “I mean, if my horn was on my head, it’d be pretty far from my legs, too. I don’t actually have a horn, though, because that would be the—”

“Worst possible thing!” interrupted Rarity with anguish. “How do we manage to get into these situations?”

“Less talk, more run!” shouted Twilight.

“Ohmygosh, is that the manticore from earlier?” said Pinkie.

“And the timberwolves!” cried Rarity.

The other creatures came charging at the ponies, competing with the hydra to see which of them would get there first. With no better plan, the six mares kept going as fast as they could, straight towards Ponyville.

In town, Bruce was reading a book on philosophy with one hand and doing pull-ups with the other. He looked up to see a dozen timberwolves, a manticore, and a hydra pursing six ponies down the center of the street. Bystanders leaped out of the way and retreated into their homes. Twilight saw Bruce running to intercept the dangerous creatures. “No…!”

Bruce did a spinning kick that landed in the manticore’s face. It roared in pain and tried to jab him with the barb on its tail. He quickly blocked the attack, his hands moving too fast to see. Dropping to the ground, he put the creature into a leg lock and pinched its pressure points, knocking it unconscious.

The timberwolves charged at the man. He avoided the snapping teeth of the first two in line, and grabbed them by the backs of their necks, one in each hand. With a quick toss, the two wolves flew through the air helplessly, knocking aside the group of their fellows.

Behind Bruce’s back, the hydra reached down with all of its mouths, intending to snag him. He turned at the last second, punches and kicks from his respective limbs striking all four of the hydra’s heads simultaneously. The beast reared back, and Bruce kicked its legs out from under it. The hydra fell with a heavy thud.

The man walked over to where the six ponies were standing with their mouths agape. Twilight stuttered, “We-we just wanted to get you a gift…”

Bruce smiled. “Thank you, it was a great challenge. It’s the best gift I have ever received.” He dusted his hands off and walked away.