The princesses sped ahead on their quest to find me, carrying every single pony and guard they could.

10 minutes later...

The royal guard, and pretty much everyone else arrive on the scene to see me just sitting... next to a bunch of 'dead' of red and blue grunts.

"We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up and you will not be harmed!" I act like I didn't even hear them. A trumpet starts playing suddenly. "What's that noise lieutenant?"

In the background, trumpet music starts getting louder.

All of a sudden, every fallen soldier at once jumps up yelling and cheering. "Charge!"

The soldiers all run off, going around Church and the ponies to get back to their bases

"Hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut!" The soldiers all repeat.

"Huay ho huay ho ho hey ho ha ya ho ya yo yuh!" A red soldier says.

The soldiers all run in to their bases, leaving us alone outside. "Did any of you drug me?" Shining Armor asks his guards, they all shake their heads.

"What just happened here." Applejack asks.

"I think all the sleepy people were trying to ke-"

"That was rhetorical."

"Yeah, go blue team!" A blue soldier shouts from inside his base.

"Get over here, give me a boost!" An earth pony guard says to her subordinate as she trots to the side of the blue building.

"Okay." The subordinate complies as he follows her. "You are a good pony, and ponies say nice things about you."

"Not a morale boost, moron, a physical one. I need to see what's in that window."

"That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough."

"I know, I need you to help me look through it."

"I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, my head is round, that window is square."

"Come here, you." She orders gruffly.

She boosts him up to look in the base

"I'm gonna kill me a red, and when I get him I'm gonna chop his guts out I'm going to eat 'em right there."

"Whoa." He says.

"What do you see?"

"I see... a room." She face-hoofs.

"And? What's in the room?"

"There are some walls, and some ceilings. Wait- just one ceiling."

"What's making that racket?"

"Kill the reds, kill the reds, kill the reds, kill the reds, kill the reds!"

"You are not going to like it."

She lets him down.

"Iron, I have a very bad feeling abou-"

Trumpet music CHARGE plays.

"What's that?"

The blues emerge from their base firing on all cylinders, yelling "CHARGE!" and similar optimistic battle-cries. The reds do the same. A blatant firefight ensues.

"Come on Iron, we gotta get to higher ground!"

They run off to find a place to watch the fight. The rest of the guards, Church, the elements and the princesses watch from different locations.

"Yeah I love reloading, I love to reload!" A blue soldier says as he shoots and misses every single shot so he can reload until he runs out of ammo.

A red soldier smashes him in the back of the head with his assault rifle, "Oh, back of the head!"

The newly fallen blue soldier says, "D'oh, tell my girlfriend that I love her."

"She's my girlfriend now bitch!"

"Come on Star!" Iron yells as they run up a convenient ladder.

The Soldiers give random shouts and jeers to each other.

"Star... I am scared of our new friends."

"Hot Sonny Bono, what's going on here?"

A red soldier emerges from the blue base with their flag.

"Stop fighting, stop fighting everyone, stop fighting!" Everyone stops shooting and looks at him. "Everyone, everyone, look unto me! I possess the blue flag!"

"It's more beautiful than I ever imagined!" A red soldier says.

"I have seen the top of the mountain! And you will worship me as though I were a God!" The poor red dude is mobbed by four blues at once, WWE-style, and taken down.

"I regret nothing! I lived as few men dare to dream!"

The remaining soldiers look at each other, then back at him, then back at each other, and continue firing. A red gets a blue grunt from behind with the butt of his gun.

"Hell yeah!" He gets shot in the back of the head, "Oh no!" He gives one last sound before dying.

"Head shot!" A sniper exclaims before he gets shot in the feet by a rocket and explodes, "Oh, you rocket-whore!" The ponies watch as his body flies out of sight and out of mind.

"Hey I got some, you want some? I got some for you! Come on you!"

"The only good blue is a dead blue!" A red shouts as he charges and shoots five blues in the head before dying himself.

"Christ this water's cold!" A blue says as he tries to get out of it but ends up committing suicide.

A red and a blue on either side of a rock alternate standing up firing and crouching so the other guy can fire. The blue guy is killed by a grenade from behind.

"Weak! You took my kill!" The red screams.

"I didn't see your name on it!" This particular red gets shot by a camper from behind a rock, "Oh you fucking camping bitch!"

"It's a legitimate strategy!" The blue camper gets shot at while rounding a rock, "Whoa! HURK!" He dies.

"Damn! Hey blue, we're the only two left! Let's work together!" The last red yells.

"What do you mean?" The blue asks.

"I'm coming out!" The red says.

"Okay, I'm coming out too!" The blue agrees.

They meet in the stream, "What did you mean we could work as a team?"

The red guy smashes the blue guy in the face with his gun, killing him.

"I bash you in the head with my rifle and you die. Good teamwork you fucking noob. Good game, good game everybody! GG man, GG." The red takes a hit from nowhere in the back of the head and falls over.

Amidst all of the chaos none notice the loud pelican gunship until every soldier is already dead. I jump into the cockpit and start the pelican before escaping my fate.

"You know what? I think we should leave Church alone and deal with the real problems." Celestia just sighs and shakes her head.

Author's Notes: