This chapter is entirely optional and is not technically part of the main story. It's an excerpt from the book with Marcus's comments as he reads in (italicized parentheses) and is only for expanding on a bit of the lore (albeit in very vulgar terms) of this alternate universe. I'd advise only reading this if you don't care about the pacing and appreciate a good laugh.

After all, hey, I didn't write it.

...wait a minute.

But seriously, there are better events in the story than reading this. I'd say DO NOT read this and move onto Day 2. Thank you for your time.

================================

About The Author

(Makes sense for a section like this to be here)

Freeze Pop was the proud owner of Breezy's Ice Cream Parlor. It was here where she conducted her business as well as research on human-pony relations with her human partner James, a skilled Veterinarian for his time. (Figures.) After earning a bachelor's degree in Psychology and participating in several reproductive behavior studies, Freeze Pop eventually pioneered the study on Human sexual behavior which would later be referred to as “Sexology.” Her intricate details on the subject as well as information gathered from various couple interviews are just as important now as when her writings were first published in ----. (The date looks scratched off...great. The rest is just a bunch of personal info. Just gonna skip it.)

(Alright, what else is in here? About the Author page 1, Intro page 2...here we go, “Table of Contents.” Mares/Males: pg.3 through 110, Mares/Females: 111 to 155, Stallions/Males: 156 to 203, Stallions/Females: 204 to 285. Everything else is listed as “Extras,” including “Excerpts from Testimonies,” ugh...”Straight From The Human's Mouth,” and “Final Words.” Might as well read the intro first, naturally.)

This book describes explicit situations and is meant for the eyes of ponies only. If you're reading this, human, please put the book back on a shelf for the time being. (Sorry, but a politely written warning isn't going to stop me. This is Twilight's book, but I'm still gonna read it.) As for you ponies out there, you're probably wondering why some simple ice cream shop owner wrote a book on a subject like this. Well, all I can say is that I'm happy with my relationship with James, and I want other ponies to be able to share this mutual love for humans. I know it's still a taboo matter now, treating humans as if they were ponies and getting married and all that (They could really do that?), but maybe I can inspire just a little bit of change with this. As far as I know, no other books go in-depth into this kind of relationship, either. With that, I hope you enjoy yourselves, and maybe you might even learn something!

Thanks for reading!

-Freeze Pop

(She clearly had passion and love for her human partner at the time, and certainly enough to write a book about it. This should give me a good enough idea of what it was like for a pony to be with a human male. Maybe times have really changed, but at least I can get her perspective on it.)

Mares/Males
-About
-Taking It To The Next Level
-In The Bedroom
-Tips

About (Because I'm so confused about how a relationship between a mare and a guy would work. Please, tell me, all-knowing past author!)

The love between a mare and a human male is entirely natural. It's one of the least complicated relationships around, and if you love and respect your partner as much as he does to you, then you should have no problem getting intimate with him and expressing your true feelings. Due to the fairly common attraction to humans, it's tough to tell if you're truly in love with them or not, but oftentimes you'll be able to tell, just as I have.

Right off the bat, let's clear the air and detail the magic that humans possess. In the case of males, specifically, any contact with their penis makes us crave it, and in some extreme cases, drop everything we're doing in order to make it cum. As I've researched, taking care of your partner's physical needs is of utmost importance, as we feel we are naturally indebted to the human for taking care of us. This ideology is firmly rooted in everypony's mind from birth, deep in the subconscious where we won't notice it until we're faced with the situation. Now, keep in mind, this affects us much less so if we're not physically attracted to the male, and there will be no craving feeling if you don't like the human to begin with. You can't get forced into a relationship, after all. (I beg to differ, Mrs. "Pop.")

For the rest of this section, we'll assume you've met and enjoyed the company of a human male, but that you have no idea how to let him know you're interested. As opposed to stallions, humans won't immediately mount you if you muster up the courage to present yourself with no foreplay. So don't embarrass yourself if you think it's a good idea and you aren't prepared for his reaction. However, when it comes to romancing males, you have to keep in mind that they're not just flesh for you to buck. Even though, it's okay if that is what you're looking for; you wouldn't be reading this unless you've had that desire at least once (Suddenly, I feel a lot more uncomfortable reading this...as if I wasn't already.).The point I'm trying to make is that you should treat humans the same way you would a fellow pony, with equality and without speciesism (That's a word?).

Taking It To The Next Level (A little late for this section for me.)

Now, there's no doubt in my mind that you haven't thought about a thick, juicy cock (This doesn’t really strike me as “book” etiquette.) to fill yourself when the season comes around. Go ahead and laugh now, ladies, but it's a well-known fact that humans inspire a similar feeling to a mare's heat when she finds herself in an intimate scenario with a 'man. Even when just catching him shirtless or letting him pet your mane, you'll feel the fire start to rise in your belly, guaranteed. That need isn't going to quench itself, ladies, and unfortunately hooves aren't the best things around when it comes to getting a sweet release all by yourself.

What truly can relieve you of any pent-up feelings, however, is telling your partner how you're feeling and letting him decide whether or not he should oblige you. This is something you must know if you ever plan on being intimate with a human. There are plenty of ponies and humans that work together in harmony purely on a “no-touching” basis, but from what I've heard it's incredibly unfulfilling for both parties (Sounds like "don't have sex" wasn't much of an option.). Once you have a human you genuinely like, and let's say you find yourself in a situation like the heat I've described, then you have to think about how you'll get him to oblige.

From a poll I took recently, I learned that 68% of human males will engage in intercourse with their mare partners if they become aware of their heat (I really didn't want to know that.). It sets off something in their brain that lets them know that they need to be dominant and care for their mare's needs. Sometimes, in a similar manner to a mare's heat, the male's desire to buck will override their own rational thought and turn them into drooling sex maniacs....only for a few minutes (The small print on the end of that sentence bothers me.).

If you want to let him know that you want him, flirting is always an option for those of us who still have some sense left. Remember, contact is key when establishing intimacy, so always be brushing or rubbing against him. 40% of males polled admitted that they've been turned on by a mare's fur before (I suppose I can now be counted in that category, even with my hesitance to admit it.). If you decide to be a bit more...shall we say “forward,” and just outright tell him that you “need his hard dick" right then and there, chances are he'll be more scared than turned on.

Humans don't have a defined mating season, even for the females, so it's hard to tell when males are, as they put it, “in the mood.” Yes, unfortunately, humans need quite a bit more preparation before they can willingly oblige even their own needs. It's always possible that you'll find a rational male who still loves to embrace you warmly as he thrusts into your hot fire every now and again...but that's best-case scenario, like my James. In any case, when he sees how wet you are and knows how much you desperately want him, 8 out of 10 males say they'd buck you right there on the spot. (How can an author and the owner of an ice cream shop be so damn vulgar?)

(Alright, that's enough of this section. I think I get the point.)

In The Bedroom (Now this one I might be familiar with.)

So, let's say you and your partner have both consented and have taken your efforts into the bedroom. The big question right out of the gate is...do you know what a human penis looks like? (I really should just facepalm and put the book down, but for some reason it's strangely addicting.) If you're like me and you see males clothed all the time as opposed to the few sneak peeks you get at a stallion's package, you might forget that humans even have one. Rest assured, however, even if a first-timer may be hesitant, once you've got him in bed with you, it'll be hard for him to say no. (This is sounding very familiar.)

Now, I'll assume that in your lifetime, you've at least seen a stallion's tool before (Thankfully not, but I hope that's not jinxing myself.). When you see a human's, however, it'll produce a guaranteed reaction in you. Whether or not you want to give in and ride your human crazily or suck him off to taste his wonderful seed is up to you. (Oh boy, more of this topic.) Performing fellatio on your partner is one of the most satisfying acts of intimacy you can do for your partner, and it helps when it tastes amazing. When you think about it, it's simple; You want his cum, he wants to shoot it out for you, everybody wins. If you don't know know how to perform fellatio at all, see my guide to “General Foreplay Guidelines” in the tips section. (No thanks, I'm good.)

Don't forget that every part of you is erogenous. Whether you have a horn or wings, be sure to use what you have to your advantage (These words got into a published book? Seriously?). If you're an earth pony like me though, you always have your own hooves and you should never underestimate a good hoofjob. Humans enjoy it just as much as, if not MORE than a stallion would when you wrap your hooves around their hot, throbbing member and pump them for all their worth. (Humans couldn't have made ponies think like this, could they?) Unicorns are capable of using magic and horn contact to arouse their partner while Pegasi are quite capable with their wings. The point is that if you've got it, use it. If you don't, remember that your whole body, from your muzzle to your plot, (What's a “plot?”) can be used to service your partner.

After considering your options and putting everything you have to good use, sometimes you just need to get bucked. Hard. (This is just plain wrong. Why am I still reading this?) If your partner is willing, then now's the best possible time to let him know that you're in need. Unlike a stud, however, males aren't immediately lured to the scent of an aroused mare, so he won't always take the first step forward. You can engage him in any way you see fit, as opposed to stallions' way of doing things, and humans are far more flexible than ponies. Feel free to let your partner decide what position he'd like to take you in. I'm sure by this point, you'd be happy to give in to whatever your partner suggests. Details on different positions and pros and cons for each can be found in “Penetration” in the tips section on page- (Okay, that's about all I can take of this.)

(Wasn't I supposed to learn something here besides “ponies want my dick?” Well, it's clear she was at least pretty knowledgeable on the subject, even though she speaks pretty casually about it. I suppose this helped prove the point that neither ponies or humans were considered pets at any time. Still, this “Freeze Pop” must've been pretty crazy to devote her time to write a book like this...or maybe her “partner” was crazy, too. Who knows? No matter what I read, I'm still not convinced on this whole ponies and humans “relationship” thing...even though I am guilty of participating, myself.

So there's that. I still have quite a bit of the book left, but I can pick and choose whether or not to read certain parts. For now, I'll write the stupid letter to Celestia and then go back to sleep. Tomorrow can't be nearly as surprising as today was. At least, I hope not. After what I did, I think I just need some time alone. Universe, at least give me that.)