Equestria's New Adventurer

by EquestrianNecromancer

First published 27th of August, 2015

A normal person goes to a con dressed as a character from the game Terraria. A Displaced story.

So you know how all those people went to the cons and disappeared, I thought I'd take advantage of that. I dressed up as a playable character from my favourite game. I found a merchant and bought something, here I am now, in the land of ponies and cuddles. Woo! I still wouldn't change it. Not after all the fun I had.

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A Displaced story. I haven't had any experience with this, I'm just putting that out there. Hopefully you guys enjoy. Sort of sex. Think of it as Mature gore, because it's Terraria and Teen sex where it happens but doesn't go into great detail.

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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is owned by Hasbro Studios.
Terraria is owned by Re-Logic.

In Which I Dress Up and Go to Magical Pony Land.

My name isn't important. Nor were the circumstances that led to me leaving. Just know that I was in a bad place. After I heard about all of the people disappearing I thought that it would be a good chance for me to become happy again. I decided that if I were to go anywhere, I would dress how I wanted to. I bought some bright teal pants and a fiery orange shirt, both of which looked cartoony as they had to. I decided on making my own vanity tools because it would cost too much otherwise. I put a lot of effort into it. I even bought a wig of bright blue hair that was in a style like the Guide's.

Finally the night of the con came by and I was elated. I drove there. The guard commented on my hairdo and insulted me, such is life: "I won't comment, whatever can make you happy in these times, rainbows." I wandered around the con. Near the end I almost left for my car but I saw a stall that had many things on it. I saw some amazing things like an extremely well made copy of the Escafil Cube and many others. The runner of the stall looked like the merchant from Resident Evil 4.

"Got a good selection of things on sale stranger," he even got the accent right, huh. "I know what would be good for you," He reached behind him and pulled out a designer quality three-dimensional version of the sunglasses from Terraria, there was even a tag that said, 'makes you look cool' on it. Holy shit, these glasses are what I need.

"How much are they?" I asked.

He grinned "For you stranger, only twenty dollars," That's a steal. "Or you can pay thirty and get this lightup version of the suspicious looking eye as well,"

"Alright, I'll buy both," he grinned like a pedophile in an orphanage.

"After I placed the eye in my backpack and put my sunglasses on, I felt at least 20% cooler. The merchant said "Have a nice trip!"

"I intend to," was my reply. After that I remember a portal and then nothingness.

The next thing I knew I was in a forest. I could feel the wind on the tips of the wig I had bought. I also saw five hearts above my head and a star on my wrist... Well, shit. I'm a Terrarian now, but wait... I can see like I did when I was a human but I also sensed the earth below me and felt something like gold... what, how can I feel this? I don't care, it's awesome! I didn't see the guide anywhere, I was suprised at that. On another note I need a new name as well. My old name was full of too much pain. I decided to keep things simple, Terrarian will be my new name. After I solved the crisis of me getting a new name I saw what looked like equine beings, Unicorns? This isn't the Hallow and I haven't even fought the Wall of Flesh. There were so many of them as well. I didn't see a water candle anywhere around here and I sure as hell didn't drink a battle potion. I have the horrible gear of a starting Terrarian. I can't take on these unicorns. But wait, these unicorns were wearing armor... what?

I then noticed that they were talking to me via text above their head. "can understand me we are taking you to the Princess because you are a possible threat to Unicornia.

I then saw a reply button appear in midair. Not knowing what to do, I pressed the button. A log showed up before me that said the... unicorn who just talked with me was named Glittering Bastion on the Team Unicorn. I didn't know how to work the log so I just said "Help." A message then popped up on the log. (Use voice to type. Can turn voice chat on by saying 'Voice Chat Activate!' to hear their voices and reply without typing. I then said "Voice Chat Activate!"

As soon as I started hearing I heard a unicorn say "Why not just sedate him and get it over with?"

"Because then you would lose the chance to talk to another sentient race, you wouldn't want that now would we?" I just watched as all of the unicorns's mouths dropped.

They turned toward me and said "Can you come with us please to meet the Princess?' Hmm, should I or should I not? Almost everything in the world of Terraria tries to kill you. This'll probably be the same. If I die I'll probably respawn. Eh, fuck it.

"Sure, as long as there are no handcuffs," I said as I watched the unicorn that said they should sedate me whip his... fore...legs(?) out from behind his back with a hasty grin after I said the last part. You, my friend, are going to die someday. Preferably with a knife stuck in your throat. We started walking. We made small talk about the other races, the apparent 'Mud Ponies' and 'Feather Brains', plain miniature horses that are good with crops and pegasi. I'm pretty sure that the pegasi would have liked me. Terrarians can walk on clouds so they might like me because of it. And apparently thirteen unicorns move the sun and the moon. Yeah right, that's bullshit. If the sun was moved there would me massive consequences. They also apparently do both at the same time. At most I'll believe they turn the planet.

We then got to the... FUCKING CASTLE!?! man, this princess must be rich. As we walk in I see a scared and starving creature. It was black and insectoid. It was being brought to a gallows. I ask Bastion what is is, she said "It's a parasite that feeds on love. It can change forms so we call it a changeling. The princess ordered us to hunt down all changelings we could find. Sadly we only found one," which one is that I wonder? All the unicorns aren't bound. Hmm. I'll find out later. We walk into the glowing crystal castle. I didn't know how much trouble I was in there until it was too late.

Author's Notes:

I just had an idea of a person from the human world turning into a Terraria character in a Displaced story that I would enjoy. Hopefully a crossover will come soon. I have an idea of my first crossover. Just so you know. The chapter didn't end on the portal like most of the fics because I can't cram details like a madman. I'm sorry.

Term Index: some things from Terraria are later on. If either you haven't played or haven't got the knowledge of the terms I use, the first time I use them in the story the will be in the author's note.
Term Index

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Basics: Terraria is 2d but I am making his perspective 3d so he has to be able to sense the ore as if he was looking from the side. He can sense about 10 meters in each direction.
Unicorns: Unicorns are a mid-game enemy.
Hallow: The Hallow is an area that appears after the boss the Wall of Flesh is defeated. It is a place with Pixies, unicorns and other 'good' creatures.
Wall of Flesh: A boss that when defeated releases the spirits of light and dark, the light being the Hallow.
Water Candle: A candle that boosts spawn rate in the game but in this fic makes the souls of creatures slain come back as more creatures with more loot.
Battle Potion: Boosts spawn rates in game but in the fic it causes creatures from barren universes come to the current universe as more enemies.
Guide:NPC that spawns as soon as you create a world.

In Which a Terrarian Dies

As I walked in I saw murals of slavery with ponies carrying baskets that contained a unicorn with a crown on. There was a lot of hustle and bustle of ponies. Such bigotry they have. As we walked a convoluted route to the throne room I was looking in my backpack and everything stopped, all the noise and my peripherals saw no-one moving. When I focused back into my backpack I saw an almost holographic version of the Terraria inventory in my backpack. It had many less slots than the Terraria inventory did. I went into the crafting menu and saw that there were new craftables. One was a shortsword, one was a pickaxe and one was an axe. I selected the pickaxe and the craft was ready. I read the recipe. It said that magic built castle was a crafting station and I had to have a copper pickaxe. I read the name of the pickaxe, It said soulbonded pickaxe. The tooltip simply said; 'It evolves'.

As soon as I made the pick, an achievement popped up and a new tab unlocked with a trophy on it. 'Made the best pickaxe! It'll take a while.' I read the stats. The pick can mine the stuff that copper can, plus something called magic shards. I examined the eye that I had completely forgotten about. It was called 'Trustworthy Looking Eye.' In it's tool tip it says 'Summons Eye of ???' I'm not gonna do that any time soon. Finally I look at the armor area. Two debuffs are there. One is 'Chilled' which I honestly expected to see. The other, not so much. It said 'Prisoner'. If I could have I would have double taked. These unicorns were holding me prisoner? Bastards! I exit my backpack with my hotbar chosen. I then followed as if nothing happened. Soon enough we were in the throne room.

Before me sat a pure white unicorn on the throne. Her cutie mark as I've been told by the guards is three diamonds to signify her being of queenly material apparently. As soon as I stepped into the room she screamed and fainted onto a... couch? We're in the medieval times and she has a fucking fainting couch! How the hell?!? As soon as she woke up a purple unicorn showed up and the queen gripped her and whined "Get rid of that monster Clover! It's icky!" Oh hell no.

"Like you're any better queen I can force slavery upon anyone because they don't have a phallus on their head!" The queen fainted and the guards tensed. At this 'Clover' giggled.

"Clover, just how can you take the side of this cretin?" the fainting one asked with hurt in her voice. "I thought you served your queen," what a bitch.

"I do Queen Platinum it's just that his joke he made is quite entertaining," Really?

"What joke?" stew on that bitch minion.

"You honestly think that earth ponies and pegasi are our equal? We raise the sun!" She looked quite aggravated at me. "Do you think we would live if it weren't for us moving the bodies? Queen Platinum herself is in the thirteen!" Interesting.

"So that why they need thirteen to rotate the planet, you set them back twelve! Now it makes sense." Platinum turned purple at that comment.

"TREASON, GUARDS, TAKE HIM TO THE DUNGEON!" Whoa Nelly.

" Would you kindly cease the calamity that's inside of your mammaries?" The purple deepened.

The guards took me to the dungeon where I met one of my first allies.

In the cell with me was a dragon by the name of Thermite, he was orange, I laughed on the inside about how they probably didn't even know what thermite was. I asked him "What's up with your name?"

"My foster parents were seers so they chose a name 'from the future' to be my name, whenever I asked, why Thermite? My parents always said my fire was as hot as thermite, I had no understanding of that," he looked downcast. I had to cheer him up.

"Thermite is a scientific mixture that when burned can be thousands of degrees. Whenever you think of of fire you think of heat, you think of the pain that fire causes you. With thermite it burns so hot it incinerates things without it being felt because it gets to the nerves instantly. If you wanted to you could burn through the cell almost immediately. Once I'm gone you could leave," He seems to instantly cheer up. He still looked a little downcast.

"How? The cage is made of stone and magic shards," my lucky day or something, seriously

"Watch this," he watched enraptured as I took out the pickax and mined a big enough hole in the wall with the window that he could get through, quite a task if you ask me, I then went into my inventory where I saw a new recipe was there, I changed the walling into normal stone walling. I then turned my pick into the iron equivalent with ten of the sixteen I had to get the 4 by 4 piece of wall to normal. I placed the sixteen normal stone pieces in. "Now it's ready, remember to leave immediately after I go.

"Why not now?" he looked so hopeful. I had to make sure he understood I was serious.

"For one you would boil me," he looked depressed at that. "Two the guards will be distracted because of my execution,"

"Execution?!?" he seems disturbed.

"Execution. I need something that can let me get a hold of you," Immediately after saying that a scale peeled off of him and was rocketed into my backpack. New Recipe Unlocked I checked the crafting menu and it seems that the remaining six magic shards could be combined with the Orange Dragon Scale to make a mount item called Orange Dragon Saddle

Achievement Unlocked: Get your first follower!

An hour later the guards came back. They came with a face mask. The guards shoved it over my face and said, "It'll be over soon ape, soon enough you'll be a head in a basket." they said that while we were still in the room with the dragon. I knew exactly where he was because of the item I have that links me to him. I held my palm out, to signify to calm the fuck down. "Awww, the ape calmed down the widdle dwagonkins," she can die in a hole for all I care. "Too bad we'll be coming back for him soon... the queen wants to cut down on the dragon attacks by sending a message," hopefully he'll have enough time.

They then took me outside of the building and to a gallows. Platinum said to me as I passed her, "This is why you don't insult the Queen.

"You probably shoudln't have done that, though I do agree with you on the slavery. I don't think that we'd survive without the food any more than without the sun and moon cycle," She smiled halfheartedly at me.

They then hooked me up to the gallows, on a rope above a boiling cauldron of water. there was a stool above the water that I stood on. My executioner said "I don't care what you did, I'm just glad we're having meat again after so long... no hard feelings," with that he booted the chair out from under me, I fell and at the stop three of the five hearts disappeared, I felt an excruciating pain and after that a steady ten damage inflicted which also burned like a motherfucker. I somehow heard an alarm blaring, saying; PRISONER ESCAPING, CATCH HIM! PRISONER ESCAPING, CATCH HIM! After each repetition of the two sentences, I lost ten life. After four times I died. I watched in awe as I detached from my body and went somewhere.

Once I was alive it was in the same position as before except there was a bunch of ice around. Huh. I went into my inventory and put the Orange Dragon Saddle in my hotbar. I used it and in five minutes later Thermite appeared and he was pissed.

It was fifteen days later and my best friend/master was nowhere to be seen. In the past two weeks since he had saved my life it had gotten a lot colder. All of the ponies had left after two days except a splinter group of earth ponies led by a charismatic white unicorn with a grey mane. He seemed bent on killing dragons after one attacked and killled a female pony. I felt a pull on the scale I had given Master. I was pissed. Master was the one I had given the scale to and now someone was defiling it. Fury gave me speed as I flew. When I got there all I saw was a bipedal being who held the saddle because of my rage.

"HOW DARE YOU HOLD THAT SCALE! MY MASTER WAS THE ONE WHO WAS GIVEN THE SCALE BECAUSE HE SAVED MY LIFE! EXPLAIN BEFORE I ROAST YOU!" well shit, this is bad.

"Don't you recognise me Thermite? The one who mined the hole in the wall and placed it back in just so you could break out? The one who when your scale came off rocketed to my backpack?" C'mon, I don't want to be dragon food.

"Prove it, tell me the same thing you told me about my name that you said in the cell," well shit. I'll have to remember my exact phrasing.

"Thermite is a scientific mixture that when burned can be thousands of degrees. Whenever you think of of fire you think of heat, you think of the pain that fire causes you. With thermite it burns so hot it incinerates things without it being felt because it gets to the nerves instantly..." he then interrupted me with a tackle hug which dealt 30 damage.

"MASTER, you're alive! How? It's been fifteen days!" wait, what?

"WHAT, it's been fifteen days! Fuck! I am alive because I am never permanently dead. No, I am not an undead, I just can live forever now. I think..." hopefully not.

"Hop on, I'll take you to my cave, I'm so glad you're alive!" I get on and the saddle appears below me. I gain control. I then realize that there is already a house built for me when I open the map.

We fly there and I go into the house. I'm surprised at what I see.

Author's Notes:

How many of you did I fool with that title? Be honest.
Our hero goes to his house and finds something interesting, what could it be, find out next time on Dragon Ba... I mean Displaced Terrarian.

Term Index

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Hardcore: Terraria has three modes in character creation, softcore, where you lose money, mediumcore, where you lose items, and hardcore, where you turn into a ghost and are permanently dead.
Death: Terraria takes death liberally in softcore but I wanted my character not to want to die. He feels all the pain a normal person would. He also misses 15 days of time.

In Which I Am 'Lazy' for a Day

As I walk into the cave I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't one of the single room houses that players make in new worlds. It was a lavish four room cave! Or more! I could only see three doors besides the entrance. As I walked in I must have gawked because Thermite used a talon to push my lower jaw up and said "Welcome to my cave, do you want to meet the other residents? My wife and child live here," he looked happy.

"Sure! It'll be interesting. I hope they don't dislike me," I really hope they won't dislike me, or at least feel enough gratitude to let me stay here. Even though going by the game logic I won't freeze, it still felt like I was becoming an icicle out there. It didn't feel like natural cold, or at least not the cold that comes after fifteen days. It's almost like legends of the wendigoes back home. Hmm... meh.

"The first room on the left is mine and my wife's but she likes to hang out in the guest bedroom," he opened the door that was on the back wall. "This is my wife, Amber" he said as he pointed to a slightly more... feminine clone of himself. "Honey... this is Master, the one who saved my life, talk to each other, I'll be back to take Master to talk to the kid after" when I heard him say Master my jaw dropped and I turned to him.

Once he finished talking he turned around and was leaving but I said "What the hell Thermite! I didn't sign up to be your master!" I turned to Amber and started doing the motions of 'he's crazy I don't know what he's talking about' while my mouth opened and shut like a goldfish.

>>"Sorry I got to go, have fun! Bye!" he booked it out of there afterwards. Damn it.

"So I heard you saved my husband from his death at the hands of the ponies. I told him he shouldn't have antagonized them... he wouldn't listen though. He said it was the right thing to do! Look where that ended him at. Almost the recieving end of a declawing and deflaming process that ends in execution!" I could tell this was a sore subject for her so I tried to covertly edge away. It didn't work. "And now he tells us about a bipedal being with a strange fur covering saving his life with a pickaxe of all things. Please tell me how all of this adds up!" Near the end I decided to totally not avoid the topic by feeling the hair I had bought as a wig but now felt as if it was real. Why did I choose blue colored hair? It would make camoflage impossible. "Don't avoid the question mister, wait what is your name?"

"My name, is...

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-z3hj2x9WMOE/VBfX6WlKJ6I/AAAAAAAAAcw/SsrgC4REdC0/s1600/error-404.jpg

...Terrarian!" CRASH!!! lightning struck somewhere behind me. I then said "Oh fuck!" as I whirled around to look behind me. I saw nothing.

"So, Terrarian, tell me, how did this come to be and how did you survive for fifteen days, and as a followup, why didnn't you contact Thermy before now?" she asked with a grin that said 'if I don't like your answer you're dead'.

I told her my tale, except for the part about my inventory and it stopping time, as I think it would be a bad idea. I still haven't tested the capabilities of movement while in my inventory. Once I got to the part about the execution she started to look mad.

When I asked her why she said "Now I see, you're an undead! How could you come and bother us when you have died? I just want a normal life," oh, shit.

"Do I look undead to you? I still have heat from my body, I can still feel when things hurt me, and I'm pretty sure healing magic doesn't hurt me," at this she clawed me, when she didn't see a cut she was confused.

"I see two conflicting images, one of my eyes sees a person without any cuts and the other sees a person that has their whole body slightly hurt. I'll heal you now," as she did so I felt better and her right eye...scale...brow thing rose. "As I put the healing energy in, the measurements are exactly what they would be in a fully damagespreading creature. You are a mystery of this world Terrarian, be glad," hmm, that's what Terrarians are. "You have assuaged my concerns except for one," I'm still concerned with one thing as well.

"Why is Thermite calling me master? I don't like slavery. Too many people are hurt by it," I thought we were just friends.

"He calls you Master because in the dragon code, if somebody saves a dragon's life, the dragon will serve their saviour until the debt is repaid in full. As a life is infinite, the dragon will serve until the dragon saves the person's life or until the person or them dies. As you saved my husband's life, he now owes a lifedebt to you," I never wanted this!

I said such. "Now you have it," noooooooo...

"I guess it isn't as bad because I only need him so I can fly, when I'm off elsewhere he can stay with you. It isn't as bad as America at least," having a dragon to fly me around is pretty badass. "I guess we're good then," she nodded.

Miraculously, as soon as we finished talking Thermite walked in the door. "Are we ready to see my son now?" he looked very relieved.

"Yes, I think I am. You really shouldn't eavesdrop though. It's quite rude," as I said that, somehow the scales on his face paled. I thought reptiles were cold-blooded. Huh.

>>"We should get going now my son is waiting, bye Amber," what's it with the fast forward? God.

"You really shouldn't do that, you could get hurt or lose air from your lungs," he looked at me with a what? face. "You could die," he looked mortified. "Not," he did a double take but opened the last door while doing so.

"This is my son, Mortimer, he traded with the ponies before they left and before that king started hunting us," hmm... interesting. A merchant.

"I'll go to my room. you can go back to the guest room when you want to sleep. Have a good night," he then left me with his son.

His son was a yellow dragon and his scales looked a lot more shiny. He talked to me, "I've got my wares and I'll show them to you if you want. I also trade four mana shards for a heart shaped crystal, beaming with energy, of which I have five. Last but not least I have a quest for you that if you complete it I will allow you to buy some rare items," after that four buttons appeared in midair.

In the end after some thinking I pressed the quest button. "Noble Terrarian, I require Shiverthorn for my winter stock. Since the weather is acting up I am forced to bring it out early. Acquire for me three Shiverthorn plants and I will give you two gold coins as a reward and you may buy from the winter stock. Good travels adventurer. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Author's Notes:

What happened to Terrarian is that he ened up doing something similar to one of these without knowing what it consisted of. The windigo child flail is just as bad as it seems. I only included it because my character requires a flail. If, say five people comment saying they want me to change it, I'll turn it into something like spectral windigo flail. Lucky=+4% Critical Hit chance. Omega Critical hit chance was buffed up to two percent with it. My character doesn't normally need to sleep. When boss battles take place he will.

In Which I Gain a Heart... or 7

Dream Sequence

I wake up in my house in the US. As I always do I check on the implant in my arm and think 'Why did I have to get up' They couldn't have just sent me to a re-education camp like the rest of those people or killed me in my sleep. I had to be one of the 'lucky 500,000.' Some more executions were on T.V. Some people who pissed the government off before they cut off the Constituion. Damn it.

I saw a indigo blur out of the corner of my eye. I turned and saw nothing. I turned back to the T.V. It was a giant metal worm or snake and I heard a gasp. I turned around and saw a navy blue unicorn pegasus hybrid with a moon buttstamp. Why didn't I notice a buttstamp on... "Agggghhhhh, what is this?!?" I screamed as I was forcefully and painfully made lucid.

"What foul creature art thou? How dost thou know about the World Destroyer?!?" What the fuck? Old English? "It terrorized our ponies but a fortnight ago after being sealed away for years. What hast thou done to the seal?" The hybrid said while shaking the fuck out of me.

"I don't know? Who are you? This doesn't seem like a normal part of my life. Stop fucking shaking me!" She instantly stopped. "Guess it's too much to hope that magical pony land was a dream," She scoffed.

"So thou think that we are part of 'magical pony land'" she said with a look in her eyes saying I should back up. So I did. "We protect our ponies from the likes of thou, dream demon! Have at thee!" She's a freaking beast! She summoned a sword with her alicorn and attacked me with it. I froze time with my inventory and waited for myself to wake up. In a few minutes in-dream playing tic tac toe with silver and copper coins I woke up.

Elsewhere,

"Tia! We have need for thine aid!" A slightly pink alicorn walked into the room and saw the speaker distraught.

"What is it Lulu? I was sleeping..." said alicorn stated.

"There was a nightmare that trapped us within a pony's mind doing nothing while it did something in it's saddlebags. It had more power in the dream than we did!"

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad. It must have been tiring for you yesterday,"

"Don't bring that on us sister, all we did yesterday was talk with Princess Platin... oh, yes most likely, but that foul demon had images of the World Destroyer inside of it's subconscious. It also stopped us from seeing to the nightmares of our ponies!"

"Go to sleep Lulu, it'll be fine,"

Back with the protagonist:

"I wonder what that was about" I said as I woke up. I decided to leave it be and see what I was going to do today from Mortimer. I got up and went to his room.

I talked to Mortimer and there were the three buttons plus a new one that said |Quest Not Available| I hit that button. "I cannot allow you to do the next quest until you gain seven more hearts. Go mining or face the Matriarch with the soul net, or both. Either way, is there anything else I can do for you?" I hit cancel and left.

I went outside. It was another crisp, beautiful day. There were eskimo zomponies, slimes, windigoes and a... bigger windigo? What?!? I thought that the Matriarch was the only one besides the babies. I mounted up on my Windigo Saddle and took off. I took out my Ice Blade and shot a beam at it. It was something called a Badass Windigo Infant, huh. I kept on attacking the windigo and I defeated it after a few minutes. The initial message came up as well as loot. There was a piece of loot I was interested in. It was floating like the hardmode souls. I picked it up. It was Soul Piece #1. Four other windigoes flew at me. I flew circles around them and killed them. I grabbed Soul Pieces #2-5 as well as another Ice Jewel. After the soul pieces came to my inventory the net boosted up to the hotbar. I put on the Crown of the Frozen North and flew around.

The Matriarch spawned and I drank a Warmth Potion andd took out the flail. at this the Matriarch enraged. She stopped breathing fire and simply flew at me. Windigoes around us attacked the Matriarch. I noticed that I seemed to have gotten stronger and faster. I even seemed to have better thought processes! I attacked with the flail and I swear she must of had less defense this time she died after an hour. She stuck around and I got a strange urge to use the net, once I did I recieved another treasure bag along with a staff. The staff was called Windigo Staff. Summons a Spectral Windigo Child. I summoned it and it was like a prehardmode Stardust Dragon Staff. It was amazing and awesome!

I flew back home and went into my room. I dumped all of my money into my piggy bank. Amber questioned, "Why is a windigo following you around?"

I gave her a look and turned to my windigo, a physically impossible feat. "Don't listen to that mean dragon, Daddy loves you. She's just jealous," I turned back to her, "The Windigo Matriarch dropped a staff that when I used it made him. I also have an item that made him a teen instead of a child. He's gonna be useful,"

"Alright... enjoy your pet windigo. I for one wouldn't want one," I shook my head at the one who obviously didn't understand.

I went to my room. I grabbed my armor from the bigger on the inside piggy bank. I opened the treasure bag which contained: another gold coin, another Icy Crown, a Windigo Jaw Hook, twenty magic shards and an... ICY CHESTPLATE!!! I need a Windigo Tamer Chestplate, there must be something wrong with this.

I walked over to my anvil and saw a crafting recipe. Icy Chestplate +Ice Jewel and it became a Windigo Tamer Chestplate. I put on the armor and it added up to 10 Def, +10% Windigo damage and the windigo grew bigger because the set bonus was +5% Windigo damage and +1 size on Windigo. I decided to trash the wooden armor in the bin... I heard it burp... I never want to hear that again.

I put most of the things into the piggy bank. I leave the house with my windigo companion. I ran around until I found a cave entrance. I walked in like a pimp.(By which I mean I totally didn't walk in cautiously.) I mined some stone and ores that were nearby, like some lead and silver. I mined about 60 lead ore and 40 silver. I left the copper behind.

I saw a pink glow from a little distance away and grabbed a life crystal. I immediately used it. I continued on until I saw a glass jar full of a green gas-liquid, thing. I walked up and tried to use it.

...Well, shit.

"This isn't that bad I guess," I said to myself after an hour of fighting. When it first started I hit it immediately afterwards and it deactivated. I then cautiosly activated the soul jar afterwards. There were a bunch of eskimo zomponies and every time I killed 30 of them I got a magic shard. I even turned it up one level but then the slimes came back and started shooting me so I turned it back. I now had 20 magic shards from this and going strong. It was easy. I got bored eventually though. I left after turning off the soul jar and marking it in my memory. I mined and found something that glowed a lot like demonite but white.

It was a magic shard. I ended up facing an ice miniboss. If I had come by before I had the windigo I would have probably had trouble but with it I was able to fight him off pretty easily. I dropped down a ledge but didn't know there was ice at the bottom. I broke the ice and kept falling.

I got to the end of my fall and shot my grappling hook downwards. It connected with an abandoned wooden house and pulled me down to it. I didn't get hurt because I'm a badass and Terraria rules are in effect. I broke into the house with my pickaxe and fell in. In side were two chests of a magnificent golden metal. Inside of the first chest there was a pair of Hermes Boots along with five lesser healing potions and three potions which show nearby treasure, some dynamite and a gold coin.

The second chest had a Magic Mirror, some more health potions, dynamite, a gold coin and some Invisibility Potions. I also saw a Life Crystal in the corner. I used it and saw the seventh heart in the set above my head. I looked in the mirror and saw something I'd rather not see before I teleported.

I got home and Thermite and Amber were in the room waiting for me. That was fine. What wasn't fine was the fact that theyy were having sex on the bed that I spawn on and sleep in after a exceedingly difficult boss battle. "HEY! What the Fuck?!?"

"Oh, Terrarian... We hadn't thought you would be home yet, speaking of which, how did you teleport here? I thought you didn't use magic," Thermite looked like he felt guilty.

"I now have a magical mirror and don't try to change the subject!" I was pissed.

"We were going to clean it. If you would like us to we could clean it now..."

"Alright... I have to talk to Mortimer, if by the time I'm back the sheets aren't off the bed I'm going to be displeased. I'll be back," I left and went to Mortimer's room.

He noticed the look on my face "Hey, I told them it was a bad idea. Normally they aren't as stupid as this. I was waiting until you got a magic mirror and caught them," HE KNEW!! Bastard.

I hit trade and traded 20 of my 61 shards to him. I then got 5 Life Crystals. I used them all. It felt like either my heart grew some sizes that day or that I have more hearts. My heartbeat is audible while talking. The dragons aren't commenting but I know they can hear it.

"Why does my heart have to be louder? Why... It'll be so much more difficult to sneak up on people! Wait... It is also twice as slow and much deeper, maybe once I get the full two rows I'll be able to have no audible heartbeat.

I hit the newly reappearing quest button. "There is talk of the unicorn to the north turning into a dark wizard. Defeat him and talk to me. The quest rewards are 5 gold coins, an achievement and a new trade. Defeat King Sombra and complete the quest. Goodbye," I went back to my room. I upgraded my pickaxe so it was at the silver level. I made an item with 20 Windigo Teeth and the Icy Crown called a Ice King's Crown. I prepared for what was most likely going to be a difficult boss fight...

Author's Notes:

Bold is raised voices. For Luna it is royal voice. Did you see the summon item coming? I was making a joke when I said it was physically impossible to turn around and look at your summon. In Terraria when you summon something and turn around it immediately goes behind you.

Coming up next: Can Terrarian ever face the King of the Crystal Ponies? Find out next time on Dragon *Cough cough cough* Displaced Terrarian

In Which I Battle a Dark, Magey... Horse?

I woke up Mortimer after the shocking conversation. I bothered him to give me a sidequest. He said no. I was displeased. I went to the anvil and I found out I could upgrade the saddles. I made my dragon saddle first a yellow, then green saddle with 12, then 24 of the magic shards. I also upgraded my windigo saddle with 30 magic shards and it was now an adult. I walked outside of my room and Amber and Thermite are green dragons. Mortimer is Blue. I asked Mortimer about Dragon Hieriarchy. "Dragons go by a color system. The lowest is orange. An earth pony can defeat an orange. Next is yellow. An experienced unicorn can take them down. Green follows, they can face down a small team of ponies or a large team if their smart. Next up is blue, what I am. Blues are where the ponies send massive groups. Blues are the last area they even know about. They know plenty on Orange, less on yellow, even less on green, next to nothing on blue but ponies would love to get a hold on a purple dragon!" He glowered.

"Don't you mean ahold of?"

"No. A hold on a purple dragon. Espescially if it was a multicolored, like purple and green. They'd keep him on a leash, feed him gems and plants instead of gems and meat, teach him those stupid pony mannerisms they are adopting under those deities, emasculate him or make him emasculate himself as much as possible and make him fall in love with a pony so he wouldn't betray them. He wouldn't have freedom and they'd treat him like a child until he's bigger and they kick him out so another harsher dragon can kill him. Where was I, oh yes, purples. A purple is enough to call Celestia in. A red and they have to send Luna. A white they have to send both and they couldn't deal with a black if they tried. Once we get into multicolored wthey need at least 30 heroes to deal with an orange and yellow one. If they got a purple and green one they'd probably try to burn the excess mana off by using something as wasteful as using dragonfire to send messages! It's just ridiculous! Stupid ponies... bah! Is there anything I can help you with?

Achievement Unlocked:Curiosity, Asked a dragon NPC about the dragon hieriarchy. Huh... interesting.

"Nothing right now. I'll talk to you later," I had a lot to think about. The Ice King's Crown wasn't the summon I was looking for. It was something that Summons the Windigo King. Damn it.

I guess I have to go to this kingdom. I mounted the newly adult windigo with my Spectral Beast Windigo following behind me. I landed on the ground and switched to the dragon mount. It moved faster than when it was an orange saddle and dragon. It wasn't as fast as the windigo so I switched back. I flew farther. I knew that I went the wrong way when I saw the ocean.

I flew all the way back to the cave for three, fucking, hours! I flew another way and by luck found a civilization. It was made of a crystalline substance. What's more, I saw a bunch of ponies without horns! I thought that it would be like... one type of pony per map. I guess not. I dismounted the windigo and took off the Windigo Wristband so it wouldn't seem as thratening. I walked in. All of the ponies stared at me.

I heard muffled whispers of things like "a windigo tamer..." and "it actually succeeded..." while I was gawked at like a white guy in a KFC at Detroit.

A pony came up to me, it was dressed in what looked like platinum armor. "Would you please come to see the King? He wants to see you,"

"Alright," He motioned for me to follow him and I did. I checked the buffs and the prisoner buff wasn't there. He took me to a palace which would look garish if it was pink. It was black though, as if it were corrupted. It did look badass but I did think I knew what this kingdom meant for my quest. As we walked I talked with him. Apparently the bigoted racism existed in all three races. While I was dead the ponies found these messiahs that had the traits of all three races. Wings, horns, strong hoove and power stronger than each seperately. I can just imagine a pony saying something like This isn't even my final form! and transforming into an alicorn, as I found they were called. I also found out the racist term for unicorns is, and I quote... bonehead. Seems less scathing than mud pony, but that's just me.

When we got inside the palace I saw in a room we passed, a simultaneously light and dark sword embedded in a crystal. It looked like the beam sword sprite had sex with a boss summoner and this was the lovechild. I suddenly knew how I would aggro the king. The guard took me to the throne room. I saw a grey unicorn with a curved horn and a black mane. He had an amazing looking glow aroung his eyes. It fit the bill for corruption. I wished I didn't have to kill him.

"Announcing a windigo tamer from outside the city. He has a windigo with him, Your Majesty," He looked nervous.

"Announcing our king, Sombra the Great! Hunter of Dragons, Exterminator of Changelings..." He looked squeamish at that. There was a huge list of titles that ended with "and King of the Crystal Empire!"

"Greetings, my name is Sombra and I have need of your aid. We have recently been beset with a dragon problem. A black, white and blood red dragon attacked our city. We would like to see if you could aid us in defeating it. Dragons have a deepseated hatred of windigoes. Their elemental affinity is opposite," He just came out of his ass with that one. I talked with Amber after she questioned me. She said that the dragons have a peace treaty with the windigoes so that they each can have their own territory. He tried to lie to me so I would kill a dragon! That bastard! "We would appreciate if you would go defeat it?"

I put on my wristband and in front of them my windigo pet grew into a teenager before their eyes and my crown started glowing. I poked the gemand said alright. I walked back to the hallways and mounted the adult windigo. It materialised and I heard a sound like glass breaking. "I can talk to windigoes so if you are lying I'll get some more windigoes and attack," What I didn't know was that all of the windigoes in the tundra were flying to my location. I went into the room with the sword and mined at the crystal while on my windigo. As soon as I finished the sword went into my inventory. I switched it out for my Ice Blade because it had 15 more damage. It was also much faster. I saw a message saying:

Sadly I had to fight him, I broke through the wall and flew outside. What I saw outside surprised me. I saw an army of at least 500 windigoes, about 1 in 30 were badass children. I even saw three matriarchs constantly spawning more windigoes. I then saw Sombra. He was cutting swathes through them. I flew to him and hit him once with the Blade of Kings. A blade of a dark mage. It likes stairs.. It did twice as much damage than it said on the tin without the critical hit. I then saw his health... 4500 health. Even with the seventy damage it would take a long time because as soon as I attacked him he burst into a cloud of smoke and flew away. The windigoes helped but it still took three hours. As soon as he 'died' he dropped a treasure bag and disappeared. The windigoes flew away as soon as he left.

I opened the bag and there was some cool stuff. Cape of Shadows Dash ability: Can dash into a cloud of smoke without taking damage and has a one in five chance of either corrupting an enemy to your side or trapping them in their worst fear. Oh, shit... It's amazing! I got three gold coins, 68... Dark Crystal Shards? Huh... anyways... a boss summon item called Horn of Sombra. Summons a Shade of Sombra there were also a type of arrows... Crystal Arrows. Okay... I can dig it. I went to the obligatory smithy, because every castle has a smithy. I saw the recipe that the crystals made. I could upgrade the Blade of Kings and twenty crystal shards to a... Blade of Kings+1. Are you fucking kidding me? Unoriginal much? It had five more damage so I was grateful. I upgraded it again with forty more shards. It became a Blade of Kings+2 *sigh*.

I also made a Dark Shard Bow. It was about as powerful as the demonite bow. It shot three arrows for the cost of one, which I tested on the three guys that came up behind me. They all dropped Sombra Horn Pieces... huh? Meh. the arrows pierced them. I walked out and used the Sombra Horn Piece while riding my windigo.

This time it didn't take as long because of my upgraded blade as well as I realized that without the windigoes he took more damage. The treasure bag dropped mostly the same loot, except for three things: Five Sombra Horn Pieces were dropped instead of a full horn, There was only sixty shards and the cape had Copy at the end. I crafted another horn at a crystalline altar I found in the palace. I killed him again and he dropped the same loot minus one horn piece. I crafted it again as well as upgraded my blade once more. I wanted to upgrade it to +4 but I required some shadow scales, and(?) tissue samples... okay. I'll get it eventually. I wanted to fight him again but before I could, a voice yelled "STOP!" I stopped. I turned around. There was a white... alicorn I guess, that had a warhammer, as well as the one that invaded my mind. She had a sword.

"You have exactly no time to explain why you killed an equine in front of us," What a bitch...

"That equine, as you so kindly stated him as, was a shade of the tyrant King Sombra. A creature known as a slaver and hunter of two seperate sentient races. He also attacked first," She didn't look convinced. "He also didn't die. He shadowburst somewhere else," At this the alicorns levitated weapons at me. "If you think I could be defeated with weapons, you're wrong. If you kill me I'll go back to a set location after a brief time," They then looked downright hostile. "I'm not undead," I said with a deadpan look. The white one loosened up while the blue one tensed up for some reason.

"We knew that we knew that voice, that is the creature that hast knowledge of the World Destroyer,"

"Leave out the World in it's name," They both attacked at my legs. They looked shocked when their attacks 'didn't damage me'. In reality it couldn't be more different. I ended up with one life. I held back a noise of pain to intimidate them. "Did you really think that those pieces of metal could harm me? I am above your plane of understanding," They looked insulted. I mounted my windigo. Their jaws dropped when it appeared from nowhere.

"Teleportation magic..."

"Nope... do you sense teleportation magic anywhere around here?"

"In an artifact on your person,"

"Anywhere else?"

"No," She looked confused and curious, "I don't. How is that?" Not telling you my secrets.

"I'm above your plane of understanding. You ain't got shit on me."

"Sister, let us hit him with the elements! Nothing has stopped them yet!" The what now?

"I thought they were a last resort. We can't blast everything with them," I'm getting disturbed.

"This creature obviously requires them. Mjolnir and Tizona hast not failed us before," Those weapons... I want them, I want them so bad.

They pulled out six orbs that radiated a malevolent force. The orbs swirled around them and shot out a rainbow. I know what rainbows do in Terraria. They hurt, a lot. I tried to dodge. I jumped straight up twice my height. The rainbow went under me. I sensed it curving around and coming up behind me. I changed directions mid jump, like a boss. It went around me. It almost hit me after five minutes of dodging and the sisters looking exasperated while they had to keep channeling it. It got faster. I sprinted in a straight direction and kept on running at double my speed.

Achievement Unlocked: Deny Fate; Run from the Personal Rainbow Cannon for 1337 seconds.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I stopped sensing the massive power. The rainbow went to a standstill, or at least that's what I thought. I then saw the rainbow behind it to start shrinking. I laughed because it was going to stop before it hit me. What I didn't count on was that it got faster as it got smaller. It hit me and instantly turned me to stone. No theactrics with me.

Achievement Unlocked:Get Stoned;Exactly what it sounds like.

You cheeky bastard.

Author's Notes:

Does anyone have feedback?
Remember the beginning and the dragon colors, good. Now remember Dragonshy. Just imagine if the dragon was actually hostile.
The politics ranking goes like this Polychromatic>White and Black>White and Color>Black and Color>Duocolored>White>Black>Deep Red>Red>Purple>Blue>Green>Yellow>Orange>Grey.
Power scale, switch black and white.

Coming Up: Will the royal sisters ever face the coonsequences for getting Terry (short for Terrarian) stoned? Will the ponies want to try? Will the sisters ever give out mass stonings? Find out next time on Drago... seriously, stop it... Displaced Terrarian.

In Which I Beat Some Horse Meat

Author's Notes:

I changed some words in chapter one. I said Equestia twice in pre-Equestria times. It isn't anything major. I just changed Equestria to Unicornia.

Missing dialogue after I felt a presense near me

"You're new... I wonder how long you'll be here until you go insane?" Fuck you too! Douche. "Tch tch tch, don't be rude, I'm the one who can stop you from becoming insane," Cool. Slow-mo voice "Have at thee!"

It's been ten years since I turned to stone... I saw the blue alicorn get turned into a black one by a black mist. It looked evil. The white one came and wept at my statue for 10 hours before a white unicorn with an 'x' buttstamp came to get her. They talked in what seems like slow motion before they leave. I think I just saw a hummingbird fly by at the speed of a snail. I saw the unicorn glance back at me with a look of contempt in his eyes. He must of been one of the ones who executed me. I'm sorry I didn't stay dead. I couldn't help it. I respawn. I felt a presence near me.

"You're new... I wonder how long you'll be here until you go insane?" Fuck you too! Douche. "Tch tch tch, don't be rude, I'm the one who can stop you from becoming insane," Cool. Slow-mo voice "Have at thee!"

We were teleported into an urban area where we play fought with Nerf-esque guns. He seemed ten times as slow as he should have been.

After 30 years the landscape changed because Discord, as he told me he was called, was upset because I was faster in thinking and acting than him. I didn't see how. He just seemed slow.

After sixty more years i felt resigned to my fate. Discord stopped hanging out twenty years beforehand. I was so bored. I guess I'll just mess around with the menus and see if I can do something else.

I can't remember how many years I was in the statue anymore. I bet you guys can figure out how many years I've been in here. You guys are amazing! The author wants to thank you as well but he doesn't want you to get annoyed by sending you all a notification, all of the people that commented.

I learned how to open my inventory without my backpack. I tried to move while in it but then I felt stupid because I was immobile in my statue. Even if I could move with an open inventory like that I couldn't now.

He can't, I'm the mystic future teller. In the end of the story our protagonist gets into an orgy with all of the females of Equus!

*Swat, swat* Quiet you, we need more dialog of the original!

Strange, I feel like something important is supposed to happen. Meh, I guess not.

I learned that there was a team button on the map screen that I didn't know about. Meh... I don't care. This is relaxing. I'll probably stay in here for (6990!) years. It'll be less interesting after (6990!) years. I feel like I wasn't clear to the cosmos in my answers so I'll say it again; (6990!) years, DAMN IT!

I learned how to make mindscapes. I puzzle out riddles in my spare time. I feel... smarter... Nah! I'm still of normal intellect. The author couldn't make me that OP. I can become healthier with pink crystals for fuck's sakes!

Just (4990!) years until I check out the team screen. Why do I feel like I'm not heard. Back to the mindscape of a city infested by a disease called Blacklight.

This is Insane Terry speaking, I would like to say... H̶͍͍͕̪ͤ̂ͨ̉͋ͦ̋̅̂ͦ̑̕a̶̶̧̻̙͍̯̹̟̣̗͍̙ͭͭ̏͑ͧ̎̀͌ͯ̇́ͅs̢̢̛̝̥̖̻͈̥̖̪̱̫̹̞͙̙̙̾ͦ̈̓͒̈͋̿͊ͣͣͦ̕͜ͅt̻͚̭͕̞̤̪̹͎̠͚̗̠̫̔͑̏͂͋ͦ̔ͧ́ŭ̶̞͙̜̼͍̹̥̿͒ͮ̽̈́͘͝͞r̸̝͇̲̩̥͙̪͍͓͆ͨ̀͘͜͡ ̶̢̖̟͉͖̘͍̮̗̲̟̤̦̝̪͙̒͑̈́ͦ̈ͨͬ̃̈́͛̄͛ͤ̃͜Hͭ̽ͩ͌̽̅̑́҉̢͔̪̗̩̯̬̪͕͚̫̣̼̹̳a̷̷̡̨̨̟̙̲͈͔̥̰̙͇̪̫̰͈̳̔̽͋ͯ̔́̀͗͌ͣͮ̔̓̀̾̅s̸͍̻̬͇̔̊̑ͪ́̀̊̿̈͑ͮ̇̑̅ͥ͠t̾̏͌͊͒ͤ̃ͫ̚҉̴̴̠͔̰̬̳̣̘̱̹̩̘̻ų͛ͥ͐̇҉͟҉̗̬̫͚̮͕̫͕r̛ͣ̒͋̿̄̂̌ͧͭͦ̓̐̄ͯ̐̚̚͠͏̖͍͎͈̖̩̳͖͕͉̣ ̸̵̧̟̙̣̹̭̆̌ͭ̏ͤͬ̿̀͐͊͋ͪ̇̽̅̑̋̚̚H͚̰̫̥̥̞̘̟̠̊͌̈̿̓̌͑̕͘ͅa̸̳̝̞̘̭̭̫̟̙͔̯͙͗̀ͫ͐͛ͨͣ̄̿̆̍̓ͨ̅̍̒͌̉ͅş̰̖̰̼̣̗̝̊ͬ̊̄ͤ̃ͪͧ̍̔͌́͜t̷̸̨͈̼̳̭̩͆̏̿ͨ͌̂u̡̠̠͙̣̗̣̖̹̲̺̱̪̜̩̳̝̼̿̌͗ͣͫ͆̄ͯͫ̿̉̔̀̕͞͡ṛ̵̮͚͙͓͈͎̔̆͗ͦ͌ͫ̈ͫ̽͛͌̔͑̓̅̈́͂̚ Damn it, it didn't work. I then saw tentacles surround me. Oh shit!

Today's the... year I guess, It doesn't feel like it's been that long. I've been... something for so long I feel sane. I can't remember anything except the interfaces, my allies and the ponies. The interfaces feel wrong to me for some reason but I don't know why. It feels like an unnatural thing. Like it should be killed with fire. I decided to test out the team indicator. When I cycled through there were far too many to count. A few I remember were; Equestria, The Changeling Swarm, The Griffins and The Dragons. I settled on Equestria because I felt an odd pulling sensation on me. I felt cracks on my skin and excruciating pain. I heard an explosion and felt an odd sensation over my eyes like they were being clouded.

I couldn't see. I start to walk forward. Wait... I COULDN'T SEE!!!! That is not a good thing to feel. I could still sense around me. I felt an odd sensation. As if there were enemies around me. I walked up to the one with the most health. I touched it. It felt like stone. I left the team and walked around. I felt a group of hostile beings walk into my sense range. They had rudimentary weapons and golden armor. Not the Platinum armor of Unicornia. There were about 20 of them.

I activated voice chat as a preemptive measure. Sure enough, "Creature, come with us before you do something terrible with the statue of Chaos, You're blind and we have you surrounded," Are you fucking joking? Are the guards that inept that they think that if I was going to do something terrible I would come with them beforehand? They also must not know that I can sense all around me. I know it's been almost 10000 years but still. Man they're stupid.

"It isn't called Chaos, he's called Discord, and as another point, if I was going to do something terrible than why would I come with you? That goes against rule one of the handbook of bad guys,"

"That's why they wouldn't come with us, they had a guidebook for evil. Come with us and tell us more rules," Yeah right, I'm not stupid. I told them such. "You will come and see the princess now," Another fucking princess... Damn it. I hope she's not like Platinum. I'm not coming either way. I equipped my Blade and dashed behind them with my cape that oddly wasn't taken from me. Four of them were beset by various affects. Two of them darkened and turned on their fellows. Two of them started screaming. I saw spectral images of vampiric ponies and the Destroyer. I don't think the others could see them because of the strange lack of panic besides seeing the guards that were screaming. I ran through the crowd, knocking out ponies left and right, I knew they were sentient because of talking and I didn't want to leave families grieving. The last thing I did was knock out the two I corrupted. I didn't know if there was a time limit. In Terraria all debuffs have time limits. For some reason, the two of them dropped golden armor pieces, the boots and the torso... I really don't know why. Even still, the Windigo Tamer armor was better.

Speaking of which, I summoned my windigo pet, or at least tried. It spawned one that was base size and I knew that if I wasn't wearing the armor and the wristband it wouldn't exist here and now.

I went away from the place I was in. I opened the inventory. I went to the buffs, it said that I had seen the unseeable and that my body was coping by putting a magical blind over my eyes. I tapped the 'buff', it disappeared. Mother fucker! That is a sneaky trick. I could see again. I saw I was in a statue garden. The one I touched was a chimerical creature. It felt familiar on my mind. I touched it again."Discord?"

I felt him stir mentally. "You called, oh you lucky bugger you're out before a thousand years passed. What's this, your normal speed, BLASPHEMY!" Really?

"I'm just gonna go. I'll talk to you later Discord,"

"Wait no please don't do this I'm your friend! As I let go of the statue.

I looked at the ponies and did a double-take. There were all three types of ponies in there. There wasn't any visible bigotry earlier. Maybe they've changed... Nah, they've probably been forced under the heel, oh sorry, hoof of a benevolent tyrant. Meh... I'll find out later.

"Damn you KKK(?) ponies! I just wanted to be your friend!" They looked shocked at that until a corrupted pony smacked one of them in the face. All the white bastards continued attacking me. Earlier I saw a purple pony with... her, nose in a book. She needed to learn about friendship. I then saw the purple and green dragon, or at least mockery of a dragon, fetch books for her and burp up a piece of paper with an accompanying flame. I stared at them in the middle of the battlefield for what seemed like days. All of the ponies attacking me took a step back when they heard my manic laugh. "He was right. That cheeky bastard was right!" I then shoved that memory in the vault so that I can properly creep her out when I meet her.

I continued beating the meat(heh, giggity) and then I saw one with an amazing helmet compared to most of the ponies I was fighting. I wanted it. I hit him once with my sword and he stood through it. I hit him three more times before he went unconscious. His helmet flew into the air and transformed right in front of my eyes.

Golden Captain Helmet... Huh, I thought it was purple. I saw the other thing he dropped... three things of Team Dye??? Huh. That might be useful. I put it on and instead of it not doing anything because I wasn't on a team, it turned me slightly invisible, like the crappy camo from the older Halo games. Out of curiosity I put on all of the gold armor and dispelled the windigo. The bonus was different than the simple defense boost. It was All allies become 10% stronger, faster, healthier, smarter and wiser. Meh. I'll wear it when I get some allies. I switched back to the windigo tamer outfit and brought my windigo back. He seemed happy. I then felt something hit me in the back of the head with the force of a freight truck.(What's a freight truck and how do I know how much force it exerts?) What don't I remember?!? *Clunk* A hammer just hit me in the face. I gotta pay attention. "What the fuck are you guys hitting me for!?!"

"Come with us to see the Princess! She wants your aid!" Bullshit! "There are bipedal flesh golems coming from the north!" (Face Monsters?) "There are also giant bees coming from the Everfree Forest!"(Hornets and the Queen Bee?)

"Fine. There is one precaution I'm taking though," With that I turned my team to Equestria, or at least what I now see as Equestria(Civilians), there are two higher ranks called Equestria(Royal Guard) and Equestria(Specialists). I couldn't choose them yet. There were also two blacked out options. When I chose the team my colors became... No! Just no! I don't want to be pink, white, orange, purple, yellow and cyan in an eye-catching animated pattern! I totally don't want that. It's totally not amazing or anything. I walk with the guards who's jaws dropped. One of them tried punching me but wasn't able to. His punching utensil stopped 5cm from my face. He was putting some force behind it so when his utensil came up to the unmoveable object it stopped with great force. I heard bones breaking. He started cursing... I was gonna say cursing but now saying exclaiming up a storm with things like 'buck' 'flying feathers' and other stupid shit like that. His partner got all up in my grill yo!

"What did you do creature? He hasn't been hurt by a simple punch that he threw ever, and yet you've made him break a hoof!" He looked like he was maneuvering my murder maliciously.

"I've made it so that you guys can't harm me. Ha ha ha... I win!" He looked like he was deeply deciding to destroy my body. Yes! They walked with me, the one who was hurt was flying but I get the difference. We went up to a giant ass castle that I feel stupid for not noticing. It was too garish for my tastes. We walked inside to see... a throne room with a... the same white alicorn from before! "What the fuck?"

"I am Princess Celestia and I have need for your assistance. I am sorry for imprisoning you in stone. Me and..."

"That blueberry bitch!" Celestia looked affronted but quickly spread an excellent poker face.

"That 'female dog' as you put it was... Oh, guards, I can talk to my guest alone. ...my sister! We had just defeated Chaos"

"His name is Discord,"

"We had just defeated Discord and tensions were high. When Lulu said you knew what the Wor..." I was getting ready to interject. "the Destroyer was, I became clouded in judgement, can you forgive me?"

"Alright Celly," She looked astonished for a second and tried and failed to wipe her expression away with a poker face.

"Pardon me, did you just call a ruler by a nickname when you don't even know them?"

"I called a princess by a nickname. The king and queen are the rulers,"

"In Equestria I am the ruler," Choke on it.

"What do you want me to do? I heard about flesh golems and giant bees. Which do you want me to deal with Celly?"

"I would like you to go into the Everfree Forest and find the place that the bees are coming from, probably a giant beehive and take care of whatever is making the giant bees. If you have to kill a queen or even if you have to build a wall around it deal with the problem. I have arranged transportation to the nearest town, a quaint little place called Ponyville and deal with the problem, I will pay you five hundred bits.Is that an alright pay?"

"I also want your aid in finding a group of three dragoons called ;Thermite, Amber and Mortimer. That is all I require,"

"Two greens and a blue?"

"Yes. That is all I require," I left the room and a guard led me to a ...chariot? hooked up to some pegasi. As I got in I thought of how just 9990 years ago I fought Sombra. Oh wait 999 years... it's bullshit. I drifted into my imagination.

In Which I Get Bzzy

Author's Notes:

Alternate Chapter Title:In Wihch I Get Buzzed
Spelled Incorrectly on purpose.

Unshown thing: Terry bought some bug nets... the more you know.

I didn't know this before, but I hate closeup images of bees and beehives... Oh god... Not The Bees! NOT THE BEES!
This is a picture which shows the size of the queen bee.

This is a picture of what she looks like

Combine the two.
I'm not even going to put a picture of a real life beehive. I really don't like bees now.

As we got closer to the town I saw some Rich Mahogany Trees but they were much closer together than they could be in the game. When we were at an alright distance from the ground I jumped out of the chariot. I hit the ground without making a noise and walked into town. I saw a garish as hell carousel in the middle of town. I decided 'fuck it' it looks like a place for clothes. I totally didn't read the sign that says 'Carousel Boutique' beforehand. I stepped inside, there was a white unicorn (Damn you KKK ponies) who was sewing a ...horse dress? Do they even need clothing? They have tails, that and some moderator of the universe is making it so I can't see anything at all. "Why do you horses need clothing?!?"

"Did you just call me a whorse? In my own shop?" she asked with that tone that makes you know you fucked up. How is that insulting? I asked her. "It is saying that I am a lady of the night," Wat?

"I... am... sorry? I guess. I'm not from around here, what do you have for wares?"

"It's more like wears, darling, but I'll show you," A window popped up while my body which I had no control over walked and talked with Rarity in almost the exact way I would. My body took off the sunglasses and the helmet of my armor popped into existence with no noise. Rarity flinched back. My body took off the dyes and the armor. There were four options.

I looked in my inventory. Bits? I don't have any bi... oh. All of my coins were changed in some way. The copper coins were changed into gold coins with ones on them. The silvers had become coins with 10 on them. My golds had changed into ones with hundreds on them. I bet the platinums would have thousands on them. I gave five of the 10 coins and it put me into an interface. I could choose a head piece, a torso or a lower body. I could decide the colors, design, and embossments. I decided on a bright green base color with a black lightning bolt symbol over the arms and a purple skull over the heart. I tapped

and it was added as an item in the shop. Deathshock Shirt. Vanity: 100 bits. I saw that I had way more hundred coins than I should of. I bought the shirt and put it on. It clashed with the armor something fierce. I designed a cloth mask that was green with black fire on the eyes and a purple biohazard symbol over the mouth and I designed a lower body vanity item that was green with black wings on the ankles and a purple lightning from the knee to the wings, called Firehazard Mask and Electrowing Pants respectively. I bought them both for 50 bits each. I put on the whole set and talked with... Rarity, the shopkeeper. I hit shop and was pleasantly shocked. She sold all of the dyes. It was amazing. I bought three Blue Flame Dyes because the pattern looks pimp. I also bought three... red and green dyes? What? Two colors... get on my level. I equipped them and the clothing became red with green patterns. I looked amazing. I walked out of that garish ass place like a pimp... and summarily get flattened... or I would if I wasn't a Terrarian. I went flying backwards, because twenty damage is enough to go flying back 12 feet. The... pegasus went flying into the ground when I was gone and I heard a crack. All of the ponies around us turned and faced us.

"I didn't do shit! Blame her for flying fast enough to break bones if someone squishy isn't there," I grabbed some mushrooms from a nearby garden along with a bottle and one of my slime that I got from the arctic slimes. I placed the bottle on the table, grabbed another bottle and mixed the slime with the mushrooms. It turned into a red color from a toxic looking cyan. I held it out to the rainbow maned speed demon.

"You can't make me drink that! You probably poisoned it!" I took a sip. "It was probably poison that you have the antidote for!"

"I would so poison you in the middle of this crowd full of people that obviously know you," all of the ponies started looking agressive. "That was goddamn sarcasm!"

"What's sarcasm?" My jaw dropped.

"Sarcasm is when you say something in a way that let's people know you're not serious. I was telling this polychromatic one here, or trying to, that I wouldn't poison her when so many of her allies are around," One of the ponies raised his front walking utensil. "If you ask what about if the allies weren't here I will kick you," He put his front limb down. She drank it.

"This is disgusting! You poisoned me!" Everyone relaxed. Are you stupid or something?

"Contrary to what you think, most poisons are tasteless or sweet and most medicines are disgusting," She looked down in shame.

*Crack, crack... crack ck ck* That, sounded bad. Her body straightened forcefully. I... did not expect that... She straightened out into a bipedal person with wings... fuck.

"What did you do to me?!?" Damn... if I didn't know she was still a pony. She was a fully nude Terrarian with the curves of a goddess.

"You... should probably go talk to Rarity... I think the effect is temporary but if not you need clothing. I'm gonna go deal with a hornet problem... bye!" I said as I ran towards the welcoming sea of jungle. I already saw some new creatures. Speaking of which... how do I know all of the knowledge that I do of crafting and enemies in... Terraria? What is Terraria? I have an image in my mind of myself staring at a glowing image of a giant misshapen mass of tentacles. I was very disturbed... then I was looking at a spike that flew into my chest. I looked up and saw some more slimes. I brought out my windigo and he was the right size... thank god. He flew around and easily killed the slimes. He found something called a timberwolf. His magic froze it. It shattered and I got two items. Frozen Nature HeartMaterial: Pried from an animal's cold dead chest., Boreal Wood and Canine Essence Material;Essence of a Canine Now I feel bad. My windigo killed some more of them and I killed one myself without him. It dropped something called Heart of Nature, Rich Mahogany Wood and some more Canine Essence.

I chopped down some trees. When I turned back they grew back and were bigger. I chopped one of them down and a motherfucking giant tree sprouted up from the middle of nowhere like the Jack and the Beanstalk(?) fairy tale! I went inside the door-shaped entrance, because why the fuck not? It was much bigger than the normal(?) ones in Terraria(?) I dropped down through some trapdoors in platforms. I walked down a root hallway. There was a chest, a table and two chairs. The chest contained some dynamite, a gold coin, which I had way more of since cartoon horses. There was also a Living Mahogany Wand. Sweet! I can make a treehouse!

I added a torch in the room and went upstairs... there were already fully furnished rooms in all five of the big branches and six fully furnished rooms in the top of the tree along with an observatory. There was a room full of eight empty bookshelves and a desk and chair. The tree was massive. I wanted to try something. I went to the top of the tree and jumped. When I hit the ground I went against the instinct of landing with my legs straight and rolled like a pimp. I only took five damage instead of the instant death that height would of landed me in Terraria(?). That's useful but difficult to do. I walked until I smelt something delicious.

"I walked into a cave system and descended. There was a chest that contained an Aglet and a shrine that had an Anklet of the Wind. I could now run very fast. It scared me. All I had to do was dash and start running. I continued following the scent. I then saw two things that snapped me out of my trance. I saw a giant ass hornet and a massive bee hive. It was teeming with bees and had four giant holes that were five times as tall as me and three times as wide. There were a multitude of holes that were the size of my head. All of the bees there looked very real. And terrifying.

I walked into the hive via one of the large holes. The substance under my feet slowed me down. I also felt tiny little crunches underneath my feet... eww. That's disgusting. There were bees inside of whatever I'm stepping on. I walked into the hive. Out of nowhere a bunch of bees came and attacked. They're all bigger than my head... I really don't like this place. I dashed and suddenly the odds were more even. I wanted to test something out so in my invent I switched to my Golden Captain's Helmet and golden armor. All of my bees got better and strategized and even though my windigo got smaller, it got stronger. I may use this more often. I saw a fuckmassive pool of honey and thought I better not fall in there. Nothing could save me from drowning in there.

I saw a wall of brown and thought That wasn't there in (Terraria) I wonder if it's bee wax? I mined at it with my silver equivalent pickaxe. I was mining, I got 34 Bee Wax Material. and continued mining. Too bad I didn't see the abnormally large bee. I heard a crunch and saw;

I'm boned. I turned around to see... (I wanted to leave it here too.) a nightmare fuel-esque boss. The bee that I saw was as least fifteen times bigger than me. It had nasty looking eggs on it's thorax and had two stingers, or that's what I thought. I saw in front of me as a taunt, Bee Wax(10). The big bad bee shot a stinger at me. One grew back into the hole. I grabbed it from midair and put it in my backpack. Stinger. I also found out during my stay in the stone that there was a settings menu. I could turn off vocal sound. No more damn 'Critical Hit' noise. The bee flew at me and I chopped it with my sword. It hurt it real bad. It still had way more life. It recoiled, that's new.(?) Some of the eggs hatched and flew at me. I dashed through them. One of them went spastic and another started attacking the others. The one I corrupted attacked the big bad bee and stung her. She got pissed. She started flying faster and doing more damage as she got lower in health. Was that bees she's surrounding herself with? That's a dick move. Using her peons to defend herself... I dashed and a lot of the bees were corrupted but none of them faced their fears.

All of the bees on her started stinging her, whether they were corrupted or not, at the fact that I didn't try to hurt them. The queen soon died and dropped a treasure bag. A lot of bees landed on me. I immediately was flew up and outside the hive. A swarm of them flew into a bundle of text. We will keep a swarm of us outside to alert the main hive if you want to visit. We will aid you because unlike the previous big ones you were getting rid of the tyrant and nobee else. Is there anything you wish of us Great Master? Wat? Am I really the ruler? I can't imagine that's legal.

"I wish for you to find a unicorn to fashion one of you a body capable of speech. I want to be able to speak easier with you. Also stop attacking the creatures who can speak. I was sent here to deal with the giant bees. I would prefer not to have to create a huge barricade around the hive of a fully sentient species." The tiny bees all nodded in sync. I left the underground and then the Everfree. I went into my house. I walked up to the library room. There was a grey pony. "What the fuck are you doing in my house?!?" She jumped back.

"I am sorry but I am the mayor of Ponyville, Mayor Mare. We had just seen this tree pop up in the Everfree. We were worried so we sent a group in. They saw the furnishings and left. I came here to find any hint of it's owner. Thank you for making my search brief,"

"So, Mayor Mayor Mare, what is it you require from me?" She winced at the way I said her name.

"Of course it would have to be the one nobody has seen before that gets my full name..."

"My name is Terrarian. I was sent here to deal with a bee problem. It is dealt with and soon there will be some bees coming. They will be sapient and will want to talk with a unicorn. I was the one to tell them to do so. Do not kill them or I won't help you again," I was harsh to get my point across.

"I require that you sign forms for the land. It won't cost you anything because nopony wants to live in the Everfree..."

"I have to interject... how many sentient races are there and what names do you remember?"

"Let's see, there are the dragons, griffins, breezies, buffalo..."

"Why is it that you say everypony then? Aren't there more than just ponies? I don't just go around saying everyTerrarian, one, because it's too long and two, because it's racist... or speciest I guess. Get out of my house. If you want me to fill out forms come back when you're not spewing propaganda." She looked at me in shock, and left.

I went into the master bedroom. It had chests, an anvil, a piggy bank, a furnace, a bed and a crafting bench. I crafted the entire set of Bee armor and the Hornet Staff. What surprised me was that I could have a regular sized windigo as well as three hornets. That would be useful.

I went back to the hive. I got a group of the stronger hornets and go to my house. I put them under a banner. Do not come close to house. Speaking with Princess. Be back soon. I instructed them to buzz if anyone comes close and to make an arrow to the banner. If they persist, shoot stingers at them. I learned that most of the ones I chose had that ability.

I left and sprinted to Canterlot. it was almost night time...

In Which I Am Become The Storm

I just kept running, running and running, running. Today's events went through my mind. A sentient race, ruined by the ruler's actions. It almost seems like the ponies. Rarity seemed really nice. I had to deal with the pony mannerisms but I didn't even notice. She was being polite even though she was spewing the bigoted bullshit. She had a polite demeanor as soon as I asked about the clothes. The mayor was not like her though. She had a prejudiced demeanor and was trying to shrink back from me the entire time. When I went over the speciesism her words carried she looked like a kicked puppy, like her words were the only correct ones. I think I even heard a muted "everypony's going to kick you out." as she left. I don't want her in my life or my house.

I was suddenly cut out of my introspection by me running into someone. It was a minotaur(?)... I guess. "What are yeh doing out here at this time? Canterlot is under a lockdown. Apparently some twolegged craature has ticked the princess off a mite. As soon as it gets back from whatever task it's doing they'll be putting it in stone. I just don't want to be mistaken. I'm just warning ya because the only twolegged craatures that I know of are the minotaurs and the diamond dogs. I warn yeh traveler. Until Canterlot removes the lockdown yeh best be stayin away,"

"Thank you for warning me noble minotaur, I will pass the message along to any bipedal creatures that I know or meet. Now I have a princess to yell at," The minotaur nodded and had a grave look in his eyes.

"Best of luck my friend, have fun with the wrath of the Celestial Tyrant," I just looked at him like thanks for the vote of confidence. He just shrugged.

Before I started running I felt something in the back of my head. How can we serve, master? It felt like the buzzing of millions of bees in my head. I also felt an extremely cold presence. The windigoes are ready to attack, wielder of the Frozen Crown. I summoned them both to fly behind me. I felt a huge displacement of earth below me like the pounding of Dwarven Hammers(?). I then heard a sound similar to a blizzard mixed with a bee inside of your ear. I then saw the windigoes flying over Canterlot and the huge swarm of bees that if made into one ball, could be bigger in radius than the mountain Canterlot is on is tall. I ran all the way up to the top of the mountain just outside of Canterlot. A pink pony popped up and gave me a... megaphone?

Brain.exe has failed... restart system.

Booting. 5%

Booting. 17%

Booting. 34%

Booting. 69%

Booting. 95%

Reboot Complete.

I looked at the megaphone in my hand, shrugged and raised it to my mouth after switching my sunglasses for my mask. The glasses looked so much more badass. "Solar Tyrant! You have lied and cheated for the last time! You shall not go back on your word! You shall pay me and leave me be!"

"You bring the armies of races long dead to my city's steps! You insult their princess. You threaten my people with winter and death! Oh, I've chosen my actions carefully, Terrarian. Perhaps you should have done the same. My ponies won't give in!" My jaw dropped at the first part of her speech.(?) Wtf was that? Why did I feel nostalgia at it?

" So be it" Knock out, don't kill. This is their master's mistake.

Yes/Yezzz Master They went over the wall. They knocked out/ froze all of the guards before Celestia had a chance to react. Some of the creatures I had stayed back. Many matriarchs as well as some of what looked like mini queen bees were there. All of the ponies were disturbed by the bees. To be honest, I was too. I just kept it out of my mind. Soon all that was left was the solar tyrant herself(I really liked it after the minotaur said Celestial Tyrant, it seemed more right.) I dismissed the bees except for an honor guard. I dismissed all of the windigoes except for a single matriarch and some of the badass children.

"I thought you would be dealing with the bee problem. I guess you're also a liar. I see plenty of bees. I thought you would be finishing before betraying me. I thought wrong," Don't even try to pull that shit.

"Bullshit. I talked to someone on the way here who said enough for me to be sure you were planning to use those little stone orbs on me again. Not this time!" She actually looked sorry.

"My ponies dead, for but a misunderstanding, I was talking with my student's assistant about a new trend in society. It involves something called 'getting stoned' for whatever reason. I am sorry, we were thinking about giving you a party with those 'smokes' as they're called," No... no. No. Not here.

"Did you realize that that was a type of illegal drug and none of the ponies are dead. I specifically told them not to kill any of them. It is akin to the opposite of salt," Don't judge me! I was here for a while so I saw a high pony who gave me salt. I then put it on some potatoes and ate them. He seemed disappointed when It didn't have any effects. I left after an awkward silence. "You should probably see about that. Back on my world it was banned but harmless. Here with earth ponies to grow it it may not be," She had a look on her face that made her look like she ate a lemon.

"I have a drake to talk to right now, I'll be back to give you your bits," She had a scheming look in her eyes. She left. I suddenly felt a huge surge of magic. It felt very familiar. Celestia burst out through the door with the stone orbs. She did not look happy. I quickly paused. I switched to the Equestrian Team. I unpaused. The rainbow (taste it!) came at me. I then heard something similar to 'Betrayal Penalty;Stone for 2 days.' Oh shit, if you mess with the bull, you get the horns! You tried twice bitch! I win!

Then some guards that weren't knocked out by my army burst out. "What has happened to the Princess?" I pointed at the statue. They looked. "Why is Princess a statue?"

"Maybe you should have asked that in the time of my 10000 year time in stone! I guess the powers that be don't like her attacking someone that is on her team with the local magical macguffin(?) before checking to see if I'm on her side! Maybe you ponies should stop fucking judging people based on looks! Maybe you should get your heads out of your ass and check before immediately prejudicing against them because they aren't ponies! Maybe your ruler should set you on a path that actually will end up with the other races liking you instead of you being speciest every time you speak!"

"I didn't want the speech, I just wanted you to tell us why the Princess is in stone,"

"She is in there for a day because she assaulted a potential ally twice, it's almost too late for that being to become an ally again," They looked scared at that. They probably marked it in their book to remind the Tyrant. I walked into the swankiest smithy I've seen. It had errything.(on purpose, author) I walked over to the anvil. I opened the treasure bag. It had a Hive Pack, a Honey Comb, a Hive Wand, twentyBeenades and ten gold coins.

I felt something inside of my back. I stretched the phantom limbs. I looked behind me and saw a wing-shaped swarm of bees. I pushed it down. The bees went down and I got into the air a bit. Seems legit. I flew up to the top of the castle. I actually sat down on top of the castle. I waited there for a bit. I sent for my bees to bring me a workbench. They put it up top here. I felt a new recipe. I put together 60 Ice Blocks, a Frozen Heart of Nature and 6 Canine Essence. to make a Frostwolf Beta Minion. It wasn't the biggest one I could make but I didn't want the alpha or the omega. I thought the omegas were small, but I guess not. I put down the wolf. He stood up. Master, what is it you wish of me? I can change my mission at any time. Seems legit. "I wish for you to gather the timberwolves from the Everfree and take them to a location full of magic and lumber. I want a timberwolf farm," Your will is done, do you wish for there to be a fence? I nodded. It shall be done.

"Make sure there is a tree farm in the Everfree. I want enough wood for more wolves. I also want a farm for boreal trees. I will be sending you some warriors to help you," It nodded and left by jumping on top of a guard and running elsewhere. Like I said, I made some(5) warrior frost wolves(15 ice, frozen heart and 2 canine essence. I also made a Freezing Timberwolf Beta Minion with 60 Rich Mahogany Wood, a Frozen Heart of Nature and 6 more Canine Essence. I noticed that there were different versions of timberwolves with each of the types of wood I had. My one looked like the other timberwolves except its eyes and mouth were (ice)blue. It felt cold to the touch. I sent it to gain control over a pack of timberwolves in another forest.

There were recipes for the normal heart but I wanted to save it. I saw something that I liked. I had... Equine Essence? I must have gotten it fighting Sombra and the windigoes. I didn't notice. I could make windigoes! I crafted a Windigo Matriarch Alpha Minion with 120(!) Ice, a Frozen Heart of Nature, and 12 Equine Essence. I summoned it and it was the same size as the boss matriarch, it must be bigger if I actually find it.

I knew you would create me once you found me. What is your will Master? "I wish for you to watch over the north. If a crystal town comes or anything unusual happens, tell me via the link, especially if Celestia's ponies go there," she nodded. "A side mission for you is to create as many windigoes as possible, can you create matriarchs?" Yes Master.. "Create as many as possible and make sure they're loyal. I want to win over the windigoes without the Crown, that is all I wish," She flew off. I glided down from the roof after picking up the bench.

I went to a place where there was no weather control.(The Everfree) I was lucky and it was raining. There were goldfish walking around and flying fish. I killed some of the flying fish because I didn't want goldfish. They dropped Fish Essence, Hearts of Aqua, and Flesh Blocks(?) Ok. Seems legit. In the end when it stopped raining I had about 100 Fish Essence, 50 Hearts of Aqua in various forms and 100 Flesh Blocks. I had a lot of crafting materials. I looked in my backpack for the first time in forever to sort through it. I had my tools, the recent loot, a Heart of Nature 2 Frozen Hearts of Nature, a lot of Rich Ebony, a lot of Boreal Wood, about 50 ice blocks, 20 Bee Essence? Huh? I also had some(5) Hearts of Hive. I should probably go check out some more recipes.

I headed back to my house and laid down in my bed. I was just about to drift off when I 'heard' Mazzter, we have found another hive. "FUCK!"...

Author's Notes:

I'm loopy right now, I had a headache med. All of you people reading this... please comment if it is too much for one chapter. If it feels too rushed I'll try to edit it a bit to make it less so. If the chapter is fine, it can be left. Please comment if you find any issues. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

In Which I Meet A Persony and Regain My Humanity

Author's Notes:

Crossover with ElementBrigade's Hunters of the Wasteland. Contains spoilers of other story. By the end of this chapter the protagonist can be called upon by Displaced people. We get to see another side of the protagonist, the one that comes out when he's near someone who's as mature as he is.

I was thinking Why do I have to be the one to deal with it? Then I heard You are our ruler Master. The rulers always deal with this. Damn it. I ran to my hive. All of the bees were out there. I was extremely annoyed. "I was going to go to sleep. You know I don't do that that often anymore!" We're sorry Master. We need to assimilate the hive. They won't be turned as easily as our hive. When their queen gets damaged she covers herself with solid honey. We will be there to make sure that the other bees won't interfere. You are both allowed two followers. We are thinking you could use the invincible windigo and one of the bees you have. You could also wear the armor that makes us smarter and stronger in combat. That, is a good strategy. I put on the gold armor. All of my bees and others got pumped up. I hope it's more of a tornado than a dueling second and third. I wonder whether the bug nets work on something fifteen times my size? Time to find out.

When we got to the other hive I found a strange lack of horrifying bees. I then lowered my sunglasses... OH GOD IT’S BACK!!! I immediately put the sunglasses back on. The bees then looked like cartoon bees that a thirty year old artist would draw to not scare kids. My sunglasses protect me from fear... Seems legit. I swaggered into the hive without crushing bees beneath me. The queen in there looked way more OP than ours. I turned off voice chat quickly. She was called a 'Queen Bee Alpha'. I talked with her. She was a horrible conversationalist even after I turned on voice chat. She demanded that I surrender because I was 'no' match for her. She then saw that the bees following me were stronger and that I had a hornet and a windigo following me. She had two hornets. We went to an arena that was hollowed out.

I heard a... gong? I thought that bees were distanced from the sentient races. I guess not. The bees flew at me. I guess it isn’t a duel. I love it. I swung my blade at one of the hornets and it exploded. The other one came at me and I weakly swung. It went down to one health. I used one of the bug nets. In front of me it said;

Amazing. The Queen Bee Alpha looked at me with fear in her eyes. She was terrified. I sent my windigo to freeze her to the floor. I swung my blade at her over and over and over and over and over and over and over…(You get the point) Until she was at about 10% life. I felt a strange compulsion to use a bug net. I swung and that fucker grew. I got the bitch with a message of;

I also got a different treasure bag than the normal Queen Bee.

All of the bees were terrified of me when I sent out the Alpha. I was surprised when she talked to me, albeit with a slightly more respectful tone. “So you’re my new master? I just, had to fight someone with a magic bug net and a pet windigo. I guess you’re in command of my hive,” Damn it. I didn’t even want control of the first one! “Too bad,” I want you to do the same thing as the first hive. Get bodies for the normal bees that can talk, or have thought speakers, or something. I also want you to make a bridge, then make the two hives bigger to make them one. I made sure to make both the queen and my first hive hear. I then walked through the hive. There was another sword in a room. I picked it up. It was called Starlight Gate Summons an Equestrian Monster Hunter player... huh? A player(?) Memories then shot through me. Memories of me playing a game. A game called Terraria. Memories of a different game. A game called Monster Hunter. Memories of tentacles… ugh... the tentacles. Memories of what I was before this world. Memories of the merchant. Memories of my… human life. I heard something say; “My name is Vanessa , The Huntress and Hero of the wasteland.” I heard sniffling “I-If anyone needs me and Littlepip’s help in anything that needs saving. Give us a call and I will help to the best of our ability.” Hmmm… I guess I could use the help if I go after that damn worm.

I said “Hello, my name is Terrarian, or if you want an easy name, Terry. I’m about to go after a giant creature and could use the help,” I then saw a portal dump out a chick and a pony dressed up in survival gear.

The girl… Vanessa said “.....Who the hell are you and why did you summon us?”

“Are you saying you didn’t just hear my monologue? I fucking thought on that!” I wasn’t that happy my time was wasted by saying that.

“I was asleep at the time, Littlepip was the one that answered your calling kid.” I’m no kid!

“My name is Terrarian, or for short, as that pink pony called me, Terry. I summoned you because I was going to be going after a boss. I didn’t know whether or not I would be able to fight him alone, I’m sorry. As a sidenote, I spent ten thousand years in stone from my perspective. I`m no ancient soul but I remember something that will make me never want calamari ever,”

“True, but just because you’re that old doesn’t mean you’re that experienced.”

“I just got my memories back and it hurts just as much now as it did the first time to see my girlfriend dying because she ‘doesn’t fit the bill’ or to have my entire life be monitored by the government. I just got over having that shit happen to me! I don’t want to watch it again!” Fuck… I really hate my old life.

“Uh huh, so are you done complaining about how your life was or do you need me to hold your hand?” That was not nice…

“I’m good. I just needed a minute. In case you didn’t notice… we are in a giant beehive. Do you wanna go do what I called you here to do or do you want to talk? That does not look like everyday wear,”

“We can do both, also stuff I’m wearing is what I wear in the Wasteland.”

“Pretty much she made it out of the monsters we hunted.” I then noticed that the clothing Vanessa was wearing was made out of dead creature. Very Oriental, but still dead creature.

I manifested my bee armor. I grew my wings and commanded my bees to carry the two of them out of the hive and to the surface. “I have two giant bee hives under my control. Soon to be one. What do you mean, Wasteland?” Were they from the badlands?

“It used to be called Equestria, but after the war with the Zebra nation two hundred years ago it was pretty much a wasteland.” What the fuck? That… sucks.

“What about the Princess, couldn’t she do anything?” I remember seeing that she had wings. She could make it rain.

“She’s dead.” Well. Shit.

“My version of the Princess is in stone for one more day. She tried to make me stone with their magical macguffin. I used my interface to make myself on the Equestrian’s team. Now she’s enjoying being a statue,” By then we were out of the underground. The two of them looked around with unbridled(heh, horse puns) curiosity. Littlepip more so.

“Not impressed really.” I thought she was used to a desert. Damn women...nah.

I summoned Thermite. “We’re going to be going to an evil place. Everything there tries to kill you. We will find the worm there. I have to use explosives to get through. I just have enough. We will end up fighting a giant worm. He will be able to breathe fire. Hop on,” I gestured to the spot behind me.

“This better not take too long. Come on pip we have to help this greenhorn.”

“Fuck off,” Thermite took off and flew to the corruption biome. He flew faster than he usually did. It was around 50 mph. We got there pretty fast.

“I had better rides from a car from the wasteland, wouldn’t you agree pip?”

“It wasn’t that bad. At least we weren’t chased by a Deviljho during the ride.” I don’t want to know.

We landed on the ground. “Are you just fucking trying to piss me off? I’ve been trying to be hospitable!” Fuck. I got rid of the dragon beneath us.

“Kid this is how I am, if you don’t like my attitude or personality then screw you for all I care.” Well, shit.

I leapt into the chasm with a parting snipe of “You’re not my type...” I descended.

“Idiot, pip you know what to do.” She did something that will be mentioned in the other side.

The two of them dropped down. “How’s the drop? I can sense one of the shadow orbs is nearby. Step back a few feet please,” I placed the dynamite on the ground. I ran to where they were. The explosives exploded and opened up a room. I saw a glowing purple orb.

“You know you could just use a sonic bomb to get the stupid worm out.” Shows what she knows.

“There are three to four of these things around. I think even you would have trouble with four fully grown Eater of Worlds. They are massive. If four of them are around there is a good chance of getting gored or burnt,” I would not wish that upon someone with our crappy gear.

“Interesting…..this is going to be fun.” Vanessa said while smiling like a mad person. This is why I don’t talk to people. SEE!

I realized that I didn’t have a hammer. I quickly made one after making a crafting bench and placing it. I smashed the orb and A Chill actually went down my Spine while a message popped up in front of me. I saw Littlepip trying to read it. I also saw Littlepip’s fur raise a bit but I wasn’t sure if she even noticed it. The obligatory musket came out.

“Really? That was it?” Calm your tits, bitch.

... *Sigh*”No. I need to smash two more. There will be other loot from them. I hope I get a Vilethorn” That would be useful against the boss.

“Not the best loot I've seen so far.” … how did I get this person to be the first person I meet.

“It is good compared to my version of Equestria’s ranged weapons. It will get more advanced later on,” I said as I placed the second piece of dynamite.

“Sure it would.” Funny.

“There is a gun that can fire thousands of bullets in a minute,” I’m not giving this chick any of the aquatic family guns. I shudder to think of what would happen to the world.

“Tell me kid, can you cut through a mountain with just a swing of a sword?”

“Can you?” I hope not.. The ebonstone exploded. I got some more of it.

“Yes, I can.” She said as she pulled her sword out. “Unlike you greenhorn I’m a bit different then most beings from the wasteland.”

“The only reason I can’t is because the character I chose has rules. Eventually I can control time, dig as fast as I can fall, face eldritch abominations,” Fucking Moon Lord. I broke the second orb and got the Band of Starpower.

“Not impressed, I’ve seen better Displaced humans with better powers than yours.” Ok. Fine.

“My character isn’t about base powers. They grow more powerful via his tools. He isn’t meant to have amazing powers. He is meant to be innovative.” I bombed the third spot.

“That won’t do you any good if you fight against someone stronger than you.” Whatever.

I smashed the third orb and grabbed the Vilethorn that popped out. I then saw a message;

“Get ready. Here he comes,” The ground was rumbling. They tensed up.

“About time, Pip get to high ground and snipe them when you get a clear shot at them.” The Eater then came up and under me. I got slightly singed.

I heard a gasp. I was seeing the inside of a creature. It was quite disturbing. I felt the windigo attack the worm. A very bad thing happened. A *crack* sounded out. I saw a bullet go through the section I was in. It popped the part. The two worms went elsewhere. I saw the two of the girls staring at me. “What? You just made it worse, now there’s two of them,”

“Pip, hit them with a little bit more force.” I was using my thorn and firing at the worm just below me. It was getting rid of the parts.

“That won’t work. Use explosives or piercing through the front,” I rolled to the side just as the worm came up. I felt my windigo attacking the smaller one. It finished it off.

“I know, why did you think I told pip to hit it with a little bit more force?” That really sounds like she means a bigger bullet.

“Ok… the worm is coming up directly beneath you,” Vanessa rolled out of the way without a question. The worm came up where she used to be. The green flames missed completely.

“Think you can eat me huh? Well then eat this, yeah jerk!” Vanessa pulled out her sword which was now covered in a cold mist, and split the worm in half.

I got a treasure bag. I also saw that Littlepip and Vanessa had them as well. They looked confused. “Everyone who fights a boss gets loot,”

“It better be good loot, if not then I’m selling it for caps when I get back home.” We left. They did not look happy when I called the bees. They were flown up. I walked with them in the direction of my place.

“The loot that I know you’ll get are shadow scales and demonite. You could probably sell the demonite but you can make armor with the scales if you made armor with scales of things from MH. I also know you’ll get a scarf. The scarf isn’t useless. In the game it made it so that 17% of damage was gone, even after a long time. It will also drop some gold coins, which will probably change to whatever currency you have back home,” I don’t know about the other stuff.

“Caps are the currency in wasteland. And seeing how this stuff isn’t useful to us, you can keep it for all we care.” Ok then. They didn't give them to me though.

We got back to my tree. I led them inside. “You live in a giant tree? Seriously do you want to get hit by lightning?” I never had that problem before.

I led them downstairs to a room that I just discovered a day ago. It was a training room. It had some dummies in one end and a training circle in another. It was even reinforced with stone so it couldn’t catch fire. “Now you, you have been calling me a rookie ever since we met… care to test that?” I took out my sword. I found out when I was scrolling through the chat from before I was imprisoned, there were two commands with perspective of time. ‘Terrarian Body Time Perspective 0.1’ and ‘Terrarian Body Time Perspective 1.0 when I was released. I tested it before and I could change it. It was the equivalent of cheats.

“Normally I would take you up on that offer, but I would have to decline on that until after I take care of some…..important stuff in the wasteland.” Ok.

“I only have a few questions that came up, one, what the fuck’s a Displaced, two, what is your sword and how did it bring you here, three, how can I make my own? Sidenote, do you want a pet timberwolf beta?” I want to be able to meet people and it’s nice to be nice.

“Displaced are humans that are sent to Equestria by the Merchant when you buy an item or outfit from him. My sword was a parting present from my friend Samantha, and how it got me here because you summoned me with it seeing how it’s my token.” She said as she pulled up Starlight Gate. “Any Displaced can make one really. Just pick an item, leave a message in, and toss it into the Multiversal Void.”

I grabbed the sunglasses off of my face. I pushed some of my magic into it and stated “I am Terrarian, fighter of strong creatures and ally to any. Call upon me if you need my assistance or just need to talk,” I then threw them legs first in front of me and a tiny portal opened up. The sunglasses flew in. Two more portals opened up. My sunglasses flew out in front of me and landed on my face. Another pair landed on Vanessa’s face. She looked shocked. “Also, how do I send you home?”

“Just cancel the contract we have.” Ok.

“Vanessa our contract is canceled..." She wasn't gone. "Vanessa our contract is through..." Again. "Vanessa our contract is complete, call me when you want to do the sparring.” I saw her get eaten by a portal.

“You could’ve just said cancel contract dumbass.” Fuck you too. She was gone. I thought back to what I thought was happening. Turns out I'm not in a game... huh. I guess the merchant sent us to other worlds with unsecure superpowers. I noticed it was still sunrise... huh. I thought the sun would keep moving. Weird. I thought on Vanessa. At the end she seemed... kinder I guess. She wasn't 'rookieing' me as much. She was doing it more when I was denying it than when I revealed I was a new Displaced. Huh. I'll think on it more later.

I opened the worm bag first. It contained ten gold coins, a Worm Scarf 47 Shadow Scales, 200 Demonite Ore, some healing potions, 50 Hearts of Shadow, 75 Worm Essence and a lot of Ebonstone Blocks. I went to the obligatory work bench. There were a lot of new recipes. I made a King Eater of Worlds Minion with 240 ebonstone, 3 Hearts of Shadow and 24 Worm Essence. I took him deeper into the forest. I released him. Hello Master. He had a suave 'voice'. What is your task? "Go as far underground as possible but stay away from the Underworld. Create some loyal Eater of Worlds, get them to create devourers. I want a worm army. That is your mission. Yes Master. I also created a Great Devourer Minion with 60 ebonstone, a Heart of Shadow and 6 Worm Essence. It was smaller than the Eater of Worlds but still quite big. Master? "I want you to spy on the sentient races. Any time the creatures make a decision I want too know about it," Yes master. "Good,"

I went inside. I felt all of the creatures I could control, the timberwolves on special tasks, thee one was even the leader of the pack I sent him to. He became an alpha. The windigo army I could control without the crown is looking up. I did see a recipe in there for something called a 'changeling'. I'll check it out tomorrow. The bees had finished the bridge and are now connecting the hives. I drifted into a sleep.

In Which I Crash a Formal Party

Author's Notes:

The idea of Intelligentsia is from Diaries of a Madman. Thank you all for the faves and the 60 likes and counting, I'm so glad I made a story you guys/gals can enjoy. I liked making this chapter.

I went to the surface. There were a bunch of ponies gathered around the train station. I saw Rarity there. I went over to talk to her. "What's up with the huge amount of ponies? I haven't seen creatures of this magnitude since lemmings,"

"What do those cute little creatures have to do with this? The Grand Galloping Gala is coming up in two days.! I have so many Ideas! coming up these days. Do you need a suit? All races send dignitaries," I wasn't invited! That bitch!

"Yes, please." I designed a pure black tuxedo with a purple tie. I made a black fedora and a Lincolnhat. I bought all four items, I put the Lincolnhat on and bought three Intense Flame Dyes. I put on the rest of my formal wear on over my bee armor. I was a flaming bastard. It looked epic. My tie became green. I swaggered over to my treehouse. I looked into the crafting area. I saw something that interested me. Some things called changelings. A changeling Queen was the same price as the betas, only with ebonstone, a Heart of Hive and Equine Essence. I also made a few of the drones for the price of the warriors of the frost wolves. There were something called intelligentsia for the price of the great devourers. I made two.

"Master? Do you have any orders for my hive?" What the fuck? All of the creatures I made before couldn't talk! I call shenanigans!

The Intelligentsia could also talk. The drones couldn't though. The queen revealed that the changelings fed off of love... huh. I was able to love the smaller ones because they were like children to me. They revealed they could change into other sentient beings. I hugged the queen. She felt softer than I thought she would. Almost like a trampoline. She looked at me with confusion in her eyes. "Your name is now Queen Mutationis," What can I say, I like latin. "I wish for one of the Intelligentsia to become a completely new pony and to go become new nobility, the other to go become a servant," They nodded. "Mutate, you'll be staying with me. There's a big event coming up," She looked shocked. "I think I can feed you through the link," They now had excellent poker faces. I got ready for the event. That included taking her to Carousel Boutique to get a dress.

"Darling, who is this? I have never seen one of her kind before. Is she an alicorn princess?" I shook my head.

"I am Mutationis, a Changeling Queen. We are a race that feeds off of love. For some reason I'm following this bastard here," Rarity was looking at me with judgement in her eyes. "That was positive insulting. He's actually a nice guy and he can feed us the love as if we were his children," The dressmaker calmed the fuck down. She was looking at me with an Idea! in her eyes. She dragged both of us into the boutique.

Mutationis changed to a brighter green, akin to my tie. Rarity jumped back. "Darling, could you possibly tell me the extent of your abilities to transform? It would be very useful for my designs," My little queen looked scared. It's alright Mutate I trust her. You can tell her.

"As long as I know what I'm transforming looks like, anything. I can also change single traits like my chitin color. I could change into any pony if I've seen them,"

"Hmm, no, maybe, no, no, Idea! One of my friends was transformed into a being of a similar race to Terrarian here, would you be able to transform into a female of his race?" Oh my... I like it.

"I don't know what that would look like, I would either have to see one or guess. There isn't time for guessing with the Gala right around the corner," I then remembered the polychromatic one and how the health potion affected her.

"Did that Rainbow one's affliction go away?" I hope so.

"Yes darling, Rainbow Dash is back to normal," Thank God, it's temporary.

"I have an idea, Mutate, would you be willing to be transformed into what you would look like as a human?" She nodded. I gave her a health potion. "Drink this. It will transform you temporarily, give me warning before you..." She drank it as soon as I gave it to her. It did it's work fast.

When she transformed whatever being it was that decided to keep all of the parts a secret fucked off as soon as she transformed. It was very... I don't know. I could see her body in full glory. She had pure black skin, but it seemed even softer than when she was an equine. And her curves! Her curves! I've seen females in Victoria's Secret commercials with worse bodies.

She walked over to me, sensually, almost as if she could adapt to any form and the species's mannerisms, "You like what you see Master?" I had to step out of the room because of the mutiny of my body, I tossed my vanity items in so that I could come back. It seems that the armor in my vanity set gains the strength of my actual armor but can still be moved by my body as if t were the only thing I had on. That is both good and bad.

"Not right now Mutate, we have to get ready to go to the Gala. Do you think you can remember how to transform to this?" Rarity looked very uncomfortable.

"Yes Master," Rarity looked downright disturbed. "I will remember how to transform to this form. I could probably teach you how to do basic changeling magic as well now that I can see where the mana pool is," SCORE!!!

I helped design a dress for my queen. It was a bright red with gold highlights, there was a pattern of black wings on it. There were holes for her wings. She had a green skin color right now. We walked to my house. "What was that about? You weren't acting like this earlier," I was confused.

"Changelings are normally sent out from pony towns as soon as people see them. The ponies are normally revolted because of how we look. You managed to get us accepted here and this form has hormones that I wasn't used to. I do want to do that sort of stuff though," Are you fucking kidding me? I've known you for less than a day.

"I think it's a bit too early to do so. If you still want to after the Gala than we can. Not right now though. I should probably see about your capabilities in this form. Tell me if you can read this," I got the help screen to pop up. I saw shock in her eyes.

-Think or speak 'Help' to get this screen. -Think or speak 'Inventory' to get your inventory. Any backpacks or saddlebags can increase carrying capacity. -You can turn the HUD on and off by thinking 'HUD on' or 'HUD off'

-|Next| I closed the tab. I turned my HUD on. I told her "This is my Head's Up Display, or HUD for short. It shows me my health remaining, mana remaining and my hotbar. The way I have it is so that the only time my HUD pops up is when I use any of those things. If I change my tools my hotbar pops up, if I get hit or I'm recovering my health pops up and if my mana is used in any way my mana pops up. Think about your inventory or say the word if you have to," I saw her thinking hard.

"Inventory." I saw a box pop up. I could still move around but everyone outside was frozen. I moved around to get a look at her inventory. She didn't have anything but the dress, a well fed buff, a buff that was +60 mana and two spell books. She tapped the first spell book. Changeling Magic Allows you to transform. The second book was the same thing. She grabbed it and gave it to me. I read it.

What will you be changing into? I made an equine version of the Brawlers from Prototype 2. It asked me Are you sure? |Yes| |No|

I hit yes and I felt some extreme pain. I morphed into it. My hot queen was looking at me. "What, is that?"

"This... is a variant of a Brawler from a game that I used to play, Prototype 2. It hurt a lot to transform into this. HUD activate," There were ten times as many hearts. I had the same amount of mana. My hotbar had a full set of claws and the changeling magic spell book. The claws look strong though. I ran downstairs to the training room. I checked out the claws in the inventory. They were 60 damage. Each. I hit one of the dummies. 300 damage without criticals, damn. I do have to be close though. I changed back as soon as Mutate came down.

"What the fuck was that?" What, I thought she was from the planet where the swears are buck, flying feathers and other unusual euphemisms. It's retarded. "I am from that land but I like your swears better," Ok. I transformed. I got it to make my form into how I would look if I was a pony. I became an earth pony-corn. Hmmm... I need a pair of wings that are an accessory. Meh. I put my Band of Starpower on instead of the Hive Pack. I felt my mana pool get bigger. I checked my inventory. Something I didn't notice was 1998 stars in there. Holy fuck! I made 18 mana crystals. I gave 9 to Mutationis. She was wondering what to do with them. I used my nine and she saw. I could suddenly sense a bunch of magic around me. It felt like there were a bunch of ponies with 40/whatever they measure it as, mana. The average for a unicorn is forty? That sucks for them. Mutate could only use 5. I guess she started with 100 mana. She tossed them to me. I called for the Intelligentsia. They both showed up. I gave two of the crystals to each of them. They used them. They looked like they short circuited for a second but they came back.

"Thank you master. We will be able to fill our roles better," Holy fuck most ponies are weak. I sensed two earth ponies with forty, two pegasi with forty and a unicorn with sixty. It seemed like Rarity was the 60. How the hell are most of the ponies so weak? The Intelligentsia left. I relaxed with Mutate for the rest of the day. She is very snuggly. So soft...

I woke up on the couch in the living room of my house. Mutationis was back to her normal form but she was looking at me. When she saw that I was awake she transformed into the human form. She then... kissed me? She shoved her tongue into my mouth. She was fully nude because she didn't put on clothes yet. There I was with a fully nude supermodel on me. She may have been black but I'm no racist. She was moving up and down making her body move in tantalizing ways. She felt something that popped up. She looked at my clothing then at me.

She begged, "Why won't you just fuck me? Why does it have to be after the Gala? I want you!" She is making it hard to decline. On Earth before all the governmental shit happened and before I got a girlfriend I was a furry, the only problem was that I created her. It was getting more difficult to choose abstinence. She used her not so hidden weapon and rubbed her lower parts against me.

Why did I have to get the horny changeling queen? You know what? Fuck it. I removed all of my clothes and armor. We had sex. Near the end before we finished one of the local horses walked in the door. It was the mayor. ">>Oh I'm so sorry I'll come back later, I just took a international relation course. I'll be back," We quickly finished, got dressed and walked out of the house. We found the mayor out there. "Hello. I'm sorry about the way I acted before. I wasn't introduced to any of the specific races so I was not the best po...person for the job. There are some forms to fill out before you can live there. Please come with me...?"

"My name is Terrarian Ms. Mare. I will fill out these forms," We walked into town to a tall building. We went into an office. There was already paperwork on the desk. I gave it a quick read through. I noticed that there were several things I disliked there. One was to give up the tree, one was that I become an Equestrian citizen and one was that I give up any pets or weapons. "Are you trying to make me a defenceless person like the rest of you?" I signed all of the forms that I fully liked. I gave them to the mayor. She did not look happy. I also made copies. She looked furious.

"How did you escape that pile of paperwork?" You thought that was a pile of paperwork?

"I was training to become a lawyer. i couldn't become one if I was tricked by fine print," I swaggered out of there like a badass.

I went to the nearest workbench and made something called a Giant Timberscorpion Broodmother Minion with 120 Rich Mahogany, a Heart of Hive and 12 Arachnid Essence. Apparently I got it through the nights from spiders crawling into my mouth. I put the fedora on it. What is your task? "You will come with me to the Grand Galloping Gala," Yes Master. I bought three train tickets to Canterlot. we rode on the train. I had an arm wrestle with Mutate and won by quite a bit. I guess she's more of a mage. I saw the countryside pass by. There were a bunch of towns out there that probably had horse puns in their name. After a few hours we got to Canterlot. There was a huge song and dance number that I noped the hell out of. I jogged to the castle with Mutationis sprinting and the scorpion just walking and keeping up. We got to the castle way before the ponies. Mutate turned into a human and put on the dress.

We suavely walked in. I heard a bunch of gasps and insults muttered. I walked up to Celestia who was shocked I was in here. She had 400 mana. She looked inbetween us. She saw that together we had more mana than her. "Hello Terrarian, are you here for the Gala?" I nodded.

A pink alicorn looked at Mutate. "Auntie, that's a changeling! We can't have that here!" That's a changeling queen Terry. Hmmm. Time to stir the pot.

"How would you know of changelings? I'm pretty sure they're a secretive race. I'm pretty sure that the fact that they can disguise themselves as ponies like, possibly alicorns would make it hard to know about them. Or the fact that changelings can sense other changelings," She blanched. When Celestia looked over at her she had a normal face on. She glared at me when Celestia looked away. "There's also the fact that changeling's magic aura is always green, no matter who they're disguised as, could you give a demonstration with our kind Princess Celestia over there?" I said to Mutate. The glare turned to terror. Mutate turned into Celestia and used magic. Instead of the yellow aura of magic it was a green color. "Ponies's magic color is usually around their eye color. By that our pink alicorn over there should have blue magic. Could you give us a demonstration to prove that ponies's magic colors are the same as their eye colors?"

The disguised queen dropped he disguise. Celestia looked over. "Who are you and where is Princess Cadence?" By then ponies were inside.

"My name is Queen Chrysalis and your princess isn't anywhere you can find her. She is hidden well," I switched to the Equestrian team and looked on the map. I saw a pink face about 200 feet below Canterlot. "You cannot harm me if you want your princess,"

"She's about 200 feet below us, probably in some sort of cave," I saw recognition on Celestia's face.

"The Crystal Caverns! Thank you Terrarian!" Chrysalis looked at me in shock, she seemed weaker than usual. I used a bug net on her. She's mine now!

I sent her out. "Why are you my master? I was a free changeling before!" Mess with the person with the magic bug net bitch! How do you like it?

"You shouldn't have fucked with Equestria. We're bosses," Celestia looked at me with hope in her eyes. "I still want that five hundred bits just so you know. You should probably open the Gala,"

"Oh, yes. Hello my little ponies..." That sent shivers down my spine for some reason. "... and welcome to the Grand Galloping Gala. Have a great time!" All of the ponies dispersed. Celestia came over to me. "Could you please go get my niece?" God damn it.

"I'm having a dance first. I will though," Me and Mutate went onto the dance floor for a bit. We danced then I went out. Before I left I gave Mutate all of my coins. I had a few 1000 coins, I can't wait to change them to platinums. "Don't waste them," I walked out. I went down some steps. There was an old stallion. I paid him no mind and continued descending. I then heard a roar that I never wanted to hear. I quickly went into the inventory's diplomacy screen that I just found. I composed a message to all of the people/creatures I'm connected to. Keep your task going. I'm about to die but I'll be back. I sent a special one to Mutate. Tell Celestia that her niece will have to be rescued by the ponies and that I'll be back. Switch to the Equestrian team in the map screen, think or say map and it will appear. I am about to die but I'll be back in a few weeks. I went out of the menu. I felt a crushing pain in my soul. I died. What I was surprised at was that where I spawned was not at my house...

In Which I Go to Hel... Tartarus and Fight My Nightmares

I looked around me. I saw hot, bubbly orange liquid and huge amounts of grey land. It looked barren. There was a giant pillar in the distance. I looked up. There was a grey roof with holes dotted in it every so often. I saw some glowing purple buildings in the distance. There was a massive metal building in the distance. I heard in the back of my mind, some strange music began playing. I thought out to my people. Mutate? There was a mental sound like glass breaking. Terry? I was so worried when I got your message! Where are you? It is annoying that I can only hear a bit of her voice but it's good enough. I'm in pony hell. Meh. King Eater! Send down a strike package of fifteen Great Devourers to my position. I felt slithers down my spine. As you command. I heard a whistling sound. They dropped down and drilled through the ash. I waited a bit and their heads popped out of the ash. "Defend me." Yes Master. The familiar queen was back. What? It's called Tartarus. It's been two weeks!

I realize, I will be back up soon. I transformed into a great devourer. Follow me. I swam through the blocks towards the building. I swam in through a wall and changed back. I was in some sort of prison. There was a centaur and a bunch of other creatures. I walked towards the centaur to talk with him.

"Who the Tartarus are you? Begone from my sight!" All of the great devourers came through the floor. "How do you have followers here that are exactly the same? All magic is banned here!" I transformed into a great devourer again and went out. I turned back to normal. Bitch.

I walked around. There was a giant glowing white orb nearby. I smashed it and got 200 Magic Shards

Oh shit! Send down 3 Eater of Worlds fast! I saw the demon. Yes Master. It was much bigger than me. I transformed into a Windigo Matriarch Alpha. I spawned a bunch of Matriarchs as the Eater of Worlds came down. I transformed back once there was a sizable amount. I took out the Starlight Gate. I swung it at him and a huge amount of light came out. When I could see again the boss had a quarter gone from his health. I switched back to the Blade of Kings. I ran up and kept on swinging at him. When he got halfway down he started spawning demons and firing curving scythes of energy at me. I dodged a lot in that stage. I fought him for about an hour. One of the Eaters got the final blow. It leaped up and ate him. I got a treasure bag. I then saw a bunch of orbs all over the place. I told one of the Eaters to take me to the nearest pillar. It took me inside its mouth and went very fast towards the pillar. It spit me out and I was at the pillar. There were a bunch of demons, bats and slimes. I killed the ones that were nearby. I got Corrupted Flesh Blocks, Flame Blocks, Magma Blocks, Hearts of Evil, Hellspawn Essence, Bat Essence and Amorphous Essence. I got an Eater to bring me up the pillar. All of the worms went back except a single Eater. I got him to take me to the place the King Eater is at.

Once he spit me out I saw a lot of worms. There were... 5 King Eaters? Huh? There were Eaters beyond count, even more Great Devourers and there was a near-infinite amount of Devourers. More worms were constantly being spawned. "Who the hell is the initial King Eater?" The one in the center raised his head at me. Once there are a hundred Eaters they combine into a King Eater. All of the King Eaters except for one are making Eaters. One is making Great Devourers. Once there are 10 Great Devourers they can make an Eater and 10 Devourers make a Great Devourer. I left with the Eater from before. He spit me up in the Everfree and I made my way home. I summoned the Timberscorpion Matriarch. She brought a little swarm of small large scorpions along. I walked into my tree... and succinctly got glomped by a t-shirt and jeans wearing human changeling queen.

"I've been so worried! You died! Celestia was looking smug when you died but when I relayed the message she looked scared, there's also a new pony who just moved here today. She's purple and has a pet dragon. There's this celebration tonight called the Summer Sun Celebration. Apparently Celestia is coming here to raise the sun or some bullshit like that. Wanna gate crash?" I nod. I went to my workshop.

There was a bunch of new recipes because of the new creature crafting materials. I created a messenger imp with the same price as a warrior. I sent it to an empty dimension until it was needed. I also created a corrupted unicorn necromancer. I sent it to go to all of the graveyards and make me an undead army. The necromancer could talk so I wasn't scared for him. I made a neuro-parasitic bee. I told it to infect some spiders and to bring them here. I went to the bed with my changeling lover. We may or may not have had sex. We fell asleep.

When we woke up it was almost the time to go to the celebration. We got dressed and walked out the door. The celebration was at the town hall so we walked there. I got my pets out, along with a single Devourer to freak people out. We got to the town hall with only a single pony shouting 'the horror, the horror!' I was wearing the gold captain armor underneath my vanities. We got to the podium and sat down. My creatures following me stayed still. We waited and the ceremony started. An amazing looking black pony walked out. Some exposition followed and it was found out that the Princess was on the sun and this was Nightmare Moon the killer of ponies with cold. Six ponies and a baby dragon went to a treebrary. Pink One-ing later they go into the Everfree. I run ahead of them to a giant castle and have a talk with Nightmare Moon. "So, how is the north star right now?" She loosens up out of a combat stance.

"I've always liked that star, my favourite constellation has to be the ram. I had an old ram friend named Grogar. I wonder what he's doing nowadays?"

"I've always liked the manticore," She smiles at me and comes and hugs me. She is slowly lightening to a blue color. We talk for a while and she becomes a friend. Then the ponies ruin it.

"Where is Princess Celestia you demon?" God, fucking, damn it ponies.

"I will not deal with this insolence! She smashes the Elements of Harmony. They come back in a jewel form. They fire them at her and she does a barrel roll. The Rainbow hits the wall and creates a pulse.

I call on my worms to tie her down. She fights kicking and screaming. I hit her a bunch of times with my sword. I defeat her. I got a treasure bag but the elation I normally feel is gone. I lost one of the only creatures I could easily talk to. In her place is a blue imposter. The rainbow came back after I defeated her. She was mind-wiped to before she even met me in my dreams. She saw the tears that slipped out of my eyes. "Art thou sad? Hast thou lost someone?"

"Are you fucking kidding me you cunt? These fuckers have taken one of my only friends!" I used my mirror. I made my pickaxe first gold level, then demonite/crimtane level. I got an eater to spit me out in hell. It's time to fight some bastards! I ran around smashing magic crystals. I ended up fighting five Demon Kings at once. I brought down some of the King Eaters. I ended up with a lot of shards though. I ended up with 10 Demon King Treasure Bags I was fighting for a long time. I also mined a few hundred hellstone. Terry? There are some alicorns at the door who want you. "God damn it."

I used my Magic Mirror and appeared at home. I walked downstairs to talk with the alicorns. Celestia and the blue one were there. "What the fuck do you want? I don't give a fuck anymore. Go ahead, trample over me," The blue one glared at Celestia when she smiled and stepped forward.

"We art wondering what thou mental state is right now?" Are you fucking kidding me? God damn it. Why does this one want to talk to me? Damn it.

"I will talk to you miss...?"

"Luna," she seemed nice but she took one of my friends from me.

"Luna but Celestia can stay away. I will only talk to you,"

"Absolutely no..." Celestia was against the idea.

"Sister! We will talk with him," Thank you.

I took the blue one inside. I got her to walk with me into the Everfree. I got one of the Eaters to come get us. "Don't freak out, this is just so that we can be sure we're not heard. He won't actually hurt you,"

"What are you talking abou..." That was when he chose to appear. He grabbed us and took us to the worm hive. She freaked out the entire way. It was only my reassurances that stopped her from exploding my worm. He spit us out. "What is this? It's amazing!" Wait...

"What happened to the accent and Old English?" She looked at me sheepishly.

"I am supposed to be the princess that most people can't be friends with so I can be a better stick to my sister's carrot. I didn't want to do it in the beginning. I grew used to it over time but being around you is reassuring to me, it's forcing me out of the accent," That is fucking evil! How could she use her sister like that? I will fix this.

"I will talk to you later, for now this is my worm farm. It is where I get some of my troops. I have a similar one for timberwolves, wiindigoes and timberscorpions. Would you want your memories back if you could? I'm just asking because the Elements did something to your mind. You don't remember the first time you met me or your time as Nightmare Moon, would you want those memories back?"

"Yes, I would, I know Celestia would not but I will get them back if possible," Perfect. Hopefully this will have what I need.

I opened the Nightmare Moon Treasure Bag. All I wanted for now was the Nightmare Essence and the Lunar Mirror I let her look into the Lunar Mirror first and I looked in as well. All I saw was a picture of the moon inside of the glass. It worked for her though. "That cur! She lied to me! Originally night and day had the same amount of ponies who were up in it. She then shortened the night and lengthened the day! All of the ponies who liked the night were forced to adapt! Discord was a friend of mine but Celestia hated him!" I have to end this before it gets out of hand. "Celestia made me make monsters to come out at night to scare ponies into going out at daytime!" That's just unfair. Mutate, we may need you. I sent an Eater to collect her. Alright Terry. I hugged Luna. She was sobbing.

"It's alright Luna, hey, don't cry. We'll deal with it. Celestia won't be weak to an all out attack. We need to find out what else she does. If we get enough ponies to know what happened than she won't be able to force you to do anything," She was still sobbing.

"She forced me to make the Night Ponies with the least fertile specimens of the bats so that her ponies would be the majority forever," Oh. Hell. No. I mix the Nightmare Essence with the mirror.

"Hey, before you look at this, you need to promise me you won't plan any attacks or insults against Celestia. I will help you. If Celestia makes you mad come and talk to me, don't insult Celestia. She could say Nightmare Moon is relapsing and boom, one way ticket to Elements and no talking to me afterwards. Please don't mess it up, I couldn't deal with losing you twice," She nodded. I gave her the mirror and tried to watch. I could this time.

"Sister we must save our ponies, the griffins plan to leave them out in the sun!"

"They're not our ponies Luna, they're yours, they are worth less than our ponies that live in the day,"

"The lives of ponies art less important than the happiness of other ponies? No! I won't allow it! If I must defend my ponies from the griffins than the night will last forever!" She darkened and raised the moon into position for an eclipse.

"No sister it won't, lower the moon... you won't, then you give me no choice," She grabbed all of the Elements in her magic. They flew around her very fast. They let out a tainted rainbow.

It hit Nightmare Moon. A bloodcurdling scream came out of her. When she was flown up to the moon she looked vulnerable, alone. She then spent 1000 years alone on the moon. She was not an introverted person like me. She needed social contact. Her mind kept on focusing on her words of the night will last forever and the last action of her sister. Who she trusted and thought would understand. Said sister caused extreme pain in her sibling and sent her to be without any social contact for a thousand years. She found a kindred spirit when she came back and was reverting back into Luna but the ponies came back. They put her through the same pain but mentally. The Elements made it so she couldn't scream. She was forced to forget all of her memories besides those of her gladly serving Celestia. It got to now, the block over her memories. Mutate had shown up sometime during the Elements.

"Mutate, we aren't going to do anything about Celestia yet. We are going to deal with the memory block in her head. Then we will give that bitch what she deserves," She nodded. I teleported home with both of them. "Luna, do you want to stay here for a night?"

"May I stay with you? I don't want to be alone," I looked at Mutationis. She nodded.

"Come on then. Hopefully we'll be able to deal with this for another day without nightmares," We walked up to my room. I hugged her close. She was very soft. I felt Mutate's arms wrap around me as I went to sleep. Luna fell asleep too...

Author's Notes:

Theme of this chapter;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdyQofT-p_g

I even felt the feels while writing this. I liked my NMM but I had to have a reason for him to open the bag.
It seemed oddly too easy to write prejudiced Celestia.

Why do I have to look this shit up? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parasitoid_wasp

I constantly scar myself. I can handle the darkest of shit but as soon as a closeup view of a parasite or insect comes into play I can't deal with it. Fuck!

In Which I Free The Night (Rewritten to have more details)

I woke up beside a hot chick and a soft pony. I got up out of bed. I walked into town and got a stack of pancakes for Luna. When I got back both of the girls were stirring. They woke up and looked at me. "Hello ladies," They waved at me. I gave Luna the pancakes. She ate them "Today we're going to get rid of the memory block in your pretty little head," Mutate glared at me. I'm not into her Mutate. I need her to feel at home. She nodded.

"How are we going to deal with this?" I got an idea. An idea so crazy it just. Might. Work.

"Do you know any mind magic? If you do would you teach us?" She nodded. I got Mutate to give her some clothes. I gave her a health potion and walked out of the room. When Mutate signaled to me I went back in. "Think or say the word 'Inventory'" Her inventory popped up without a sound. I looked in. There were three spell books in there. Mind Magic Magic in the art of the mind. I grabbed one, as did Mutate. As soon as we grabbed them they combined with the Changeling Magic into Book of Spells(2). Luna turned back.

"On three, one, two, three!" We both began channeling the magic. We went into Luna's mind. I saw a cage in the distance. I spawned my pets. They looked a lot stronger here than in real life to me. Maybe the ponies can't defend against them that well. We went to the cage. There was a giant padlock on it made of gold. It probably would have been easier to break the padlock than what we had to do.

"Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me! There is no way this is legal!" We were in a memory. Celestia and Luna were there. A very tall pony was also there. Celestia had just told the pony that Luna had stolen her chocolate when Celestia didn't even have any! He bought it and was punishing Luna. Luna had just helped Celestia with her chores and this happened! Fucking bitch! Even at a young age. I tried to ignore it and I reached for the key in front of me. I grabbed it.

Shit. "Help me please Mutate!" I transformed into a Demon and threw some scythes at her. Her head was cut off... that was nowhere near strong enough. I got a treasure bag and turned back. I went back to the blockade and unlocked it. I heard a bloodcurdling screech. I left the mind, as did Mutationis. Luna was convulsing, turning darker and growing bigger. "Luna, it's alright. It's ok. Please calm... down and relax," She stopped convulsing and looked at me.

"Terrarian? The one who likes the Manticore?" I nod. "You brought me back into this body, you saved me!"

"What should I call you now? You're more rational than Nightmare Moon, but you're not just Luna anymore," I like the names she had.

"I think Luna is good, I have no plans on enveloping the world in eternal darkness. I'm going to head back to Canterlot. If Tia does anything stupid I'll let you know. Can you send a Great Devourer to watch over me just in case?" I sent a Stealth Eater of Worlds, a modifier I discovered one of my eaters had. It was completely undetectable unless you are an ally or have the sense that I have. I also found another modifier that I liked. Regenerating Able to Regenerate if hurt. I tested whether it would work if I cut it in half. I then had two. There are some ponies up here Master, they seem to be looking for the same city as you. It also appeared. Yes! Finally! I told Mutate where I was going and she wanted to come. Sweet! Multiplayer time!

I got on Thermite and passed the Windigo Saddle to her. I already upgraded my saddle twice. Now Thermite and Amber are Purple and Mortimer is Red. The dragons moved into my place when I made the rooms open. Thermite could now fly as fast as the windigo. We flew. "Isn't it beautiful up here, Terry? Nothing to care about but the air flying around you. I gave her a copper pick when we went to Canterlot, she made it into a Soulbonded Pickax. We both had Hellstone level picks and she had full Hellstone armor. It was a mage/ranger variant though. She also had a Fiery Greatsword and a Diamond Staff. I thought that was only the hardmode ore armor but, it works. I had Hellstone armor on as well. It was the same as in-game but, it had an ally boost like the gold captain armor. It had 15% instead of ten. Apparently the warriors here like to have allies. Seems legit. Obsidian was bought! I know! Apparently here it is a common material for dresses and suits.

I dropped down into the city. She did too. There was a shockwave but neither of us were hurt. I found a Lucky Lucky Horseshoe on a floating island earlier. I made my way up to town square. All of the locals look at me and remember me. They... became shiny? They became shiny and recovered from their memory loss. I saw that the Crystal Heart wasn't at the spot it was supposed to be. I decided to look for a big, tall, thin tower because all villains use those. I used my grappling hook and got up to the top. I saw a circle of pressure plates around the heart. I jumped ovr them because I'm not retarded. I grabbed the heart, jumped down and placed it on the podium. I saw the circle of light fly out.

I heard a scream of rage before I saw a black cloud of smoke. I used my Horn of Sombra from before. There was a hissing sound, both me and Mutate got a treasure bag and there was an NPC standing there. His name was Doctor Sombrero. He sold Purification Powder, Vile Powder, Cursed Maracas Cost 5 mana. Deals 30 damage AoE to all enemies nearby. I bought them for Mutate. I went looking for the Crimson with Mutationis. We got there. We dropped down. We fought some face monsters. Crimstone, Heart of Crimson, Bipedal Essence. There were even some Crimeras. I caught one with my bug net. It immediately spawned.

Yes! Another boss! I caught another Crimera.

Yet another.

The last.

I tried to get my allies but it didn't work. My conscience went into one of the Crimeras. As did Mutate. We then saw the Broodmother. That bastard was massive! I could feel an invisible link to one of the other two. It was the same size as me.

I floated around dizziedly, getting my bearings. A horde of Crimeras came at us. It took two hits to kill the enemies. We both bit them once. Every time we ate one of them I got slightly bigger. We had to eat them time after time. What I didn't notice was that my follower was growing bigger as well. I felt something bite down on my tail once the enemies were gone. It hurt a lot.

I shook it off. I turned around. The Crimera that bit me was my ally from before. I floated around. I saw an oppurtunity. I bit him hard.

I danced back in midair. He has the same amount of health as me and the attacks do 20 damage only. We don't regenerate. I saw it slowly taking damage from bleeding. I bit it where the head connects to the body. It instakilled him.

I ate him and doubled in size. I saw that Mutate won the fight against her follower as well. We grouped up. "I see that you won against your allies. You have no chance unless you kill your other ally as well," I shook my head, phallus, thing at him. I flew at him fast. Mutate did too. We both raced around him and bit him. We went fast and bit him over and over again. We dodged back when he sent out spikes at us. We repeated the pattern twice.

He died, after a long time. My jaw was aching badly. After he did so I felt a link to my body. I went along it and I found a treasure bag. Speaking of which, I haven't opened the 10... Master, Luna is in trouble, Celestia has called upon the Elements. They're riding in a chariot. I teleported back. I sprinted outside and mounted Thermite. He flew fast, like, fast. My emotions gave him speed and energy. He broke the sound barrier in 5 seconds and was double that speed when 10 seconds passed. The scenery melted by faster than those Salt Lakes videos. As soon as we were over the palace I leaped off of Thermite and transformed into a Darkmatter Biped. I dropped to the ground and caused an explosion. I transformed back. "You have gone too far Betrayer! You dare to call the Elements on your sister after what you've done to her!" I was holding the megaphone but no one knows.

"This is why I called upon you, he has some hold over her! She was a different person before he got her. After she was with him alone she planned a coup!" You just dug your own grave. I don't do that.

"Now, how would that fit in to me controlling her? I specifically told her not to plan a coup because I knew you wouldn't be weak to it because you're 'Celestia the Kind', 'Celestia the Radiant'. No one mentions 'Celeste the Sunbringer', who melted an entire troop of unicorns because they wouldn't bow to you, or 'The Celestial Tyrant' that every race except for your ponies knows you to be. The ones that kill to get what they want. Now why is that?" Mutate showed up. The purple one seemed like she knew what I was talking about. "Or how about Celestia the Betrayer, who let hundreds of innocent ponies die and banished her sister to the moon because she wouldn't lower it for her day loving ponies. Have you told them about that one?" Celestia looked pissed but also scared.

"That can't be right, Princess Celestia wouldn't do such things. Would she?" The purple one was having an existential crisis. Looks like your mentor isn't the perfect member of society.

"Come along small little ponies, there's a friend of mine and Luna's who's been trapped for longer than I was, Luna, Mutate, can you deal with Celestia and make sure she doesn't do anything rash?" They nodded at me. I took them to Discord. "Free him," I put my palm on Discord's statue. You're about to be freed, Luna and I won, Celestia is no longer on a pedestal for the Elements. Don't be too chaotic. I heard a laugh. I can't wait to see. This'll be fun. They shot their rainbow beam laser at him. He cracked his back.

"Hello my little ponies..." God damn these shivers! "...Wait, why is it daytime? My internal clock is never wrong. It's supposed to be the beginning of the night, not the middle of the day! How chaotic!"

"Not really. I wish it was but it wasn't, come with us please," He nodded at my solemn tone. He floated along beside me. We went back near Celestia. She was trying to break free from her bonds.

"Oh, so Celestia finally gets her comeuppance for being a cunt and slaughtering her kin, this is fun! Let's see what you guys come up with!" She shook at that and whimpered. I shook my head at her.

"That is all of the proof we need. Celestia, we sentence you to being sent to the sun for a thousand years, to be turned into a horror story, and finally to be purified with the Elements of Harmony, so you can feel how your sister felt," She shook her head and screamed no. I slapped her. Hard. "That shows you know exactly what the Elements do and you used them on your sister! People like you sicken me! Take her to the Dungeon after I deal with that little bitch down there. Discord..." He nodded and snapped his fingers with a large crack. It went to the time it should have been. I went down until I saw the old horse.

"I hope you have like six friends standing around behind you." I summoned six Great Eaters. "I guess you do. Have fun. He exploded and caked me and my friends behind me with his blood. A giant ass skull popped up from inside of him. There were four limbs and a head! No fair! I call hax! This isn't canon! I... guess the universe doesn't care. One of the legs stomped down. I rolled out of the way. I cut behind me with my sword. I heard a roar. Some skeletons came up and attacked me. The worms were still attacking the pony Skeletron.

I got a treasure bag. I sent all of the creatures home except for a Stealth Great Devourer. The dungeon is clear of Skeletron. You can bring her down. I walked upstairs. I found Celestia's old room and crashed in it. I was almost asleep when I half felt Mutate join me later. We drifted away into a dreamless sleep.

Author's Notes:

I wasn't really feeling this chapter but I had to deal with this miniarc. I sucked. Hard. I am slowly going to fix up the fight scenes so they aren't as, I attack, he dies. I will fix them though.

I rewrote this so hopefully it is better. Tell me what you think about the new and improved chapter, if I need to completely rewrite, etc.

In Which I Open My Loot

I woke up like the previous day. I turned to the intruder, "Luna, why are you beside me? I know why Mutate is, but you, I'm not so sure. How can I help you?" She jumped.

"This is the master bedroom, for the Princess, you, are in my room," I shook my head at her.

"Nice try, if you cared that much, you would kick me out or you wouldn't sleep next to me, what do you need?" She did the 'I know what you're talking about but I want to pretend I don't' actions. They look remarkably similar to what I did to Amber but it looks less legitimate. Because its faked! It doesn't work, I'm a master of reading meaning behind actions.

"I feel safer around you, I was so scared and you saved me from behind the block in the fake one's memories. You protected me," Great. Clingy Princess, yay! I woke Mutate up. She jumped.

"Why'd you do that? Dick!" Luna stared at us. "What? We're dating, we can do what we want," I pinched her and sprinted away. "Oh no you don't!" I just sprinted faster. When we got far enough away from the room I Magic Mirrored back. I sat down and occupied my mind by opening the rest of the Nightmare Moon Treasure Bag. It contained something called a Lunar Flail. It was a pretty damn strong weapon. There was a Heart of Darkness, something called an Alicorn's Alicorn(heh, I get it) and Alicorn Essence. I saw a crafting recipe in the work bench. (What the fuck is with all of these god damn high level recipes in the workbench? Fuck!) It was crafted with Alicorn's Alicorn and all but one of the Alicorn Essence I had. It was called Magic of a Deity Increases max mana by 200... Shit. I used it. Suddenly I felt all the mana around me, specifically around miners and adventurers. I could also feel the moon for some, probably stupid reason. (It seems I'm an alicorn of Adventure/mining. Seems legit.) I saw one was about to be crushed by a boulder. DODGE!!! She rolled out of the way. God? Oh... shit. I'mma try and salvage this. If you want me to be. I'm not exactly a god but I will help anyone I can. She nodded and went on her way. I felt my mana pool increase by five. Shit, if this is because of some weird logic that ends up with 'you're a god' I'm going to hit something. (*Backs away slowly*) It won't be something like that, right? (*Shakes head faster than mach 10*)

I opened the King Demon Treasure Bags. All eleven of them. I fought one before going to the Crimson yesterday. They all contained a Life Crystal and a Demon Energy Crystal. The crystal looked cool. I used the eight Life Crystals I could. I combined the last three with a Demon Energy Crystal and got something called Demonic Ritual StoneIncreases life by 100 I switched it out for the Aglet. I was very healthy and my heartbeat wasn't audible. There were two Demon Scythes which were added to the Book of Spells I looked in and it became Demon Scythe(Level Two) I gave a duplicate of it to Mutationis, who showed up while I was opening bags. It was stronger than level one and it costed less mana. She kissed me. "Thank you Terry! It'll be a good replacement for the staff!"

"You're welcome! I still have to look through the rest of the bags," There was a bunch of Corrupted Flesh, Hearts of Evil and Hellspawn Essence. There was a weapon called Wing of the Demon King. It was a boomerang weapon that did more damage than my sword. It comes back either after a set distance or when it hits a wall. It pierces through an infinite amount of enemies. I love it... so much. I ended up making a table/desk from mahogany for my study at the castle... mahogany.

I opened the Queen Bee Alpha Treasure Bag. It contained an Alpha Hive Jelly Material; Combine with Bee Loot to get Alpha Bee Loot. Alright. I also got the Bee's Knees. I got the basic loot as well. I decided to make an Alpha Honeycomb It had the same effect but every bee it spawned was a hornet. I like it! I gave Mutate the Bee's Knees. She seemed to like it. I pulled out the one from the Crimera. She saw it and pulled hers out. I opened mine. I was... woefully over-psyched. It contained something called Essence of Broodmother and... that was it. I called my Alpha Crimera Minion to me. I gave it the Essence. It swelled up to the size of the Broodmother. "Hello Master, because of your gift I am now sapient. The only one of... She saw the other Broodmother. "One of two Broodmothers in existence," I nodded slowly. Would you like me to start building you a Crimera army? All of the alive Crimeras will be flocking to my... our command. Do you wish for us to have a united army?"

"Yes, if that is agreeable with Mutate," She nodded. "Form an army where both of you are equal and where neither of you attack each other," They growled but agreed.

Finally, I opened the Skeletron Treasure Bag. Before I looked inside I gave the Vilethorn to Mutate. She started testing it. I found out that she had the same obscure sense as me this morning. The bag contained 5 gold coins, a Bone Glove-esque thing, which I kept. Book of Skulls, which I copied, an Undead Heart, some Skeleton Essence and a lot of bones.

I finally found out where all of my essences went. There was another page for my spells and a page for all of the essences I had... I had... a lot of essence. Almost too much. I saw something disturbing. I could infuse myself with essence. I saw something else. There was a life expectancy bar. I could see that I was already in the three hundred range. That's... fucked up. I saw something that disturbed me more. If I infused myself with Alicorn Essence I could become immortal! The connotations of that are... not good. I did it anyways because fuck morality! It also boosted my strength, mana and... made me lighter? I could now jump three times my height. Seems legit.

I ran to the mirror, faster than I was even with all three speed accessories on. I sprinted and jumped out the window. When I hit the ground, I took about two thirds of the normal damage. Apparently I'm amazing. I sprinted back up the mountain. I then remembered that my current spawn point was in the castle. I teleported back. Luna jumped. "Why do you feel the need to do that?" I waved my finger at her while making that noise. The one that all children learn to fear. The sound of limited freedom. That weird clicking noise that every child instinctively knows. The one that can send brave men into horrified shock and stop all bravado. The evil sound to the evil eye. If you get both you go into shock and lose all memory until saved. Thankfully (for her) I was not a master of the evil eye. If I was she could be dead. Instead she just shivered. "What foul magic is that sound?" Holy fuck... that tirade I went off on actually is true here... the ponies are pussies. I just did that clicking noise. Maybe they have some inbred fear response. (I know it's probably wrong but this adds comedic effect.)

I made a minion with 240 bones, 24 Skeleton Essence and an Undead Heart. (I'll let you guess.)

(Too late. A Dungeon Guardian Minion. Happy now?) I set him to guard my tree. If anyone enters my tree without my permission, it will leave them with just enough life to survive. It will teleport them out. Before they enter he will give them a psyonic warning. Otherwise he will be invisible because reasons. I then got a message from the windigoes. The crystal ponies are under attack by dragons! They need you here! I sent an affirmative. Time to test something. "Pause!" I dictated like a boss. A menu popped up. There was settings, a bunch of greyed out options, a multiplayer interface with a one beside it and a 'Change Worlds' option. I hit that(Heh, get it?) and another option screen popped up. There was a picture of Canterlot and a picture of my cave. Crystal Tundra, it says. I hit it.

Achievement Unlocked; World Jumper; Used the 'Change World' option. A tutorial popped up.

You have just used the 'Change World' option. It teleports you instantly to the map. The only thing is; all of the maps are on the same world right now. They won't be forever. ...Alrighty then. I can deal. I saw the things it didn't say as well. I sprinted to the Empire. I didn't even think to use a mount. I jumped over the wall and landed with a shockwave. The dragons looked over at me. A giant dragon with scales that shifted spoke up. "So this is the so called 'Hero of the Crystal Empire'. Hah, you don't look scary to me. Boys, get him!" Two dragons walked out from the horde.

... Well... fuck. Why does it have to be me? Damn it. I turned into a Demon King and started spawning a bunch of demons. They sent the energy bolts at the dragons. They did not look happy. I turned back and took a swing at one of them. It... actually cut him? That is not how this is supposed to go! I have to do a lethal injury or make them lose blood... damn it! I felt rage burn through me. "DO YOU ASSHOLES KNOW HOW MANY THINGS I'VE KILLED SINCE COMING TO THIS WORLD, HUH? Many... you'll just be another number," I swung at his neck and I cut the head off. It tumbled to the ground. The other dragon looked at me with fear in his eyes. I ran up to him and cut him. He breathed fire at me and lit me on fire. He looked terrified when I just stared at him. I took out my new boomerang and threw it behind him. He laughed and stepped forward... just as the Wing came back. It cut the dragon's head off and both it and the head landed in my hand. I got a treasure bag. "DO ANY OF YOU FUCKERS WANT TO HURT MY PONIES?" I felt my mana pool deepen by 100.

Author's Notes:

I know what you're thinking. Why does he need a whole chapter for the loot? I would answer with; Do you remember how much loot he has? Now that he can, he wants to test all of the items he gets. If he doesn't the tags won't always help him.

You readers are all greatfags for liking my story.

I am Killer Whip, The Monarch of Lust. Comment yours. Prepare your anus mortals!
Edit: Since imgur went down, the picture no longer works. Thank you.

In Which I Am a Crystalline Monarch

... Well. Shit. I guess the intimidation tactic didn't work, I did get the Honor Guards's bag though. I felt one of Pyrite's claws go inside of me. Oh god... it hurts and it burns, it hurns, it burts... no. IT FUCKING SUCKS!!! I twisted my body to the side strongly and broke his claw off. Claw of a Dragon King. It's a stronger version of the Fiery Greatsword. And by that, I mean stronger. I took it out because it is slightly stronger than the Blade of Kings for now. I called a Gigantic King Eater of Worlds Minion. When I went down to the lair and I saw that beast I was surprised. Five of the sections on him was equal to a normal Eater of Worlds. He had 75. He popped out of the ground and spawned three Gigantic Great Devourers. When they flew out of him all of the ponies looked squeamish, and some of the dragons too.

I ran up and cut him. It was a normal cut like the two Honor Guards from before. The difference was that this one was black, white and deep red. I felt screwed. The two guards from before were black and deep red. That means this guy is much more powerful. My Blade of Kings was bigger so it would be more useful in this battle. I took it out. Pyrite recoiled. "How did you get the blade of Sombra? He used that blade to kill many of us!" Huh.

I gave him a deadpan look as I replied, "I stole it from him and defeated him with it. He is now nothing more than a cloud of smoke," Pyrite looked intimidated, then I used my cloak to go behind him. He was immune to the Cloak, of course. I cut off one of his wings. Wing of an Ancient Dragon Weapon and material What? I thought only swords could do that. I then remembered that the Wing of the Demon King had the same thing. Hmm... that's something to check out once I get to hardmode. He roared and five of the dragons from the horde flew at me. I did a whirlwind cut because I thought it would look cool. I cut a hand off. Dragon Claw Gauntlet. It was a mining tool and a weapon. I put it on. The dragons recoiled and three of them ran away. The one whose hand I cut off among them.

I turned to the other two. There was a black and a white. I ran to behind them. I cut the white one's head off. Brain of a Wise Dragon, Essence of Flight, a Heart of Flame and Gemstone(Diamond) Blocks. I ran to the black one and cut off both of his wings. Wings of a Mighty Dragon(2). I impaled him through the heart. More of the basic loot. Pyrite came back. "I see you are living up to the legacy of that blade, monster," Hell no. I jumped up and swung my sword down through one of his arms. It fell off. I continued the swing by cutting off the other one. He stayed in the fight but the rest of the dragons joined in. My worms ate well that day and I ended up with a lot of wings and other things. Pyrite was the only one left. "Now you have destroyed the dragon nation, how do you feel?"

"The funny thing is, I will create the dragon nation back from the ashes, and when they return, they will have a new leader. I cut the other wing off then cut his head off. Dragon King Treasure Bag. Seems legit. I walked to the horde of ponies. "Hello, how's your day been," I said in the most caring way possible. My mana pool increased by forty-five more. Damn it. "Could I talk to whoever is in charge?" They all pointed to me. "You want me to be the leader?" They nodded. "Are you sure, I don't care about becoming the leader,"

A yellow one turned to me and said "Take the bucking promotion!" I nodded.

"What are your names?" I soon found out the names of the ponies and forgot them just as fast. I suck at names. I called Mutate and told her my new position. The first thing I did for the town was to see the captains's talents in the guard. There were some good leaders in there. They all were good at swordplay except one of them. He was a ruby pony with an arrow mark. He was good with a bow and arrows, DUH, like good God he's good. I looked in the crafting menu. There was one set of armor that was ranged and summoning. It was another Hellstone set... huh. Interesting. I made him a set. He looked a bit squeamish when I gave it to him.

"Why do you have armor made from the Tartarus alloy? It corrupts ponies!" I took off my vanities. He recoiled, "Why are you corrupting yourself?"

I then replied in my normal voice, "I was wearing it the entire time I was fighting the dragons, you just couldn't see it," I put on the Intense Flame Dyes. They looked shocked at the different color. "Put on the damn armor! Fuck!" He put it on the loser way, by hand, and he didn't show any signs of corruption. "Are you going to keep being such a pansy now?" He glared at me.

"My mother's name was Pansy!" ... ... ... Are... you... fucking kidding me? A name of Pansy? My entire worldview is shattered! "Stop laughing you bucker!" All of his peers were shaking their head at him.

"Since you seem so keen on insulting me you can be part of the demonstration, do you agree troops?" All of the others nodded. I walked over to a training ground. He walked over with muttered insults towards his peers. "Sadly, my girlfriend Mutationis isn't here to demonstrate proper ranged and magic, because if she was you would learn a lot. I will teach you guys a bit though," I pulled out the Crystal Bow. "I will even use my weaker aspects of fighting, if I used melee and troops he would lose within the first few seconds," I made something called training bolts. They were useful. "Would one of you decide when we start?"

A nondescript goshenite pony stepped up. "GO!" I, was not expecting that. The pony ran away from me and shot a crossbow at me. A bolt hit me and shattered I pulled an arrow(3) and let it loose. All three hit him and he dropped like a sack of potatoes.

I looked out at them and asked "Now, what did he do wrong?" A bunch of them put up their front walking utensils. I pointed at the one who called go.

"He used a shoddy crossbow, he fired bolts at someone wearing the Tartarus alloy armor, the list goes on," By this time I was at him and had pulled his helmet off. He didn't look good. His entire face was bruised. I tossed one of my training bolts and the two helmets at him. "These are, these are the same alloy! How did that work? Especially with training arrows?"

"All valid points except for the armor, but what he did wrong is that he insulted someone who was obviously stronger than him, if I had used my actual arrows for battle..." I pulled out a Jester's Arrow. "... he would have died with the first arrow," They blanched. "He better be happy I was in a good mood. Something else you should know, if I was wearing armor that boosted archery I would be best in archery, however I am wearing armor that boosts melee. The more you know," They whitened even more. I pulled out the Claw of a Dragon King. I slashed a dummy. It burst into flames. "This is what's known as an elemental weapon. They can come in many variants, some are shock, some are frost but all of them are valuable. Remember that," They all nodded.

I pulled out the Dragon Claw Gauntlet and pried the claws out. I gave a claw to each of the ponies who were melee people in positions of power except the fat one of the bunch. I told them to practice with them.. A sapphire mare came up to me and helped me heal the one I knocked out. "My name is Sapphire Sword and while I do admit is was humorous what you did to Arrow Storm, but don't you think you went a bit overboard? If you knocked him out with a single... three arrows, than aren't you a bit too strong to test against?" I shook my head.

"It was my weaker skill set and no, you need to learn how to defeat people who are at least as strong as I was limiting myself to be, I don't need a puppet guard like the Equestrians. I will be getting all of you weapons, armor and training. If you fail training I have no need for you in the guard," A few of them shook but some of them held fast. "Our first training will be laps around the city. If you fall behind you will know that you are not meant for this. You are all earth ponies, you should have this in the bag. I started a backwards sprint. Only three of the six were able to follow behind. Sapphire, the goshenite one, who I found out was named Crystal Clear(These puns! They burn!) and Arrow were able to follow. The other three lagged behind in varying amounts. I slowed down for the first two who were only just behind us, but not the last one. He was fat as fuck and didn't look like he was actually in the guard because of skill. We ran around for ten laps. The fat one dropped out after two, the two ones who I slowed down for were out after seven, Arrow was out after eight and Sapphire was out after nine. Clear was with me the entire time. We talked while we ran.

I found out that he was an orphan living under the shadow of Sombra. After he got in a fight... and won with the captain of the guard they had before, Sombra took interest in him and offered him a place in the Guard. I found the new person who I want to be loyal... hell yeah he would be useful. Mutate dropped in off of the windigo and I stopped the run. We walked back to the training ground. I had a sparring match with him. He only lost in the end because I am immune to physical exhaustion. I talked with Mutate. "There are two people who I am satisfied with to be leaders in the guard. Crystal Clear and Sapphire Sword. They are trained in physical endurance. That said, there is only one who I am displeased with. He is the fat one," She laughed at that.

"Why did they want you as a ruler though? I can't imagine they looked at you and said 'I want him as my next ruler!' as if there were no other candidates," I shook my head.

"It's probably because I killed an entire dragon horde in front of them and was then polite and courteous to them." I brought Mutate inside. We walked to the barracks. We passed through a mess hall to an officer training hall. I saw the three who I had constant contact with training very hard. The two ponies who I just noticed now that looked like twins were having a sparring match and the fat one was on his ass eating. "What the fuck are you doing lazing about private?" The fat one looked affronted while everyone else was holding back laughter.

"I am Captain Noble Blood! Treat me with the proper respect!" Everyone winced except for me. I laughed. I laughed a maniacal laugh so insane it shook the fabric of the universe. *rumble rumble* God fucking damn it! Why does this world suck so bad?

"Training arena. Now. Unless your wont is to make claims about deserving respect and backing out when being forced to prove it?" He gave me a scathing look and followed me. I gave him a set of Hellstone Armor. I got Crystal Clear to call the beginning again. I tensed up and waited. The go came and I was already rolling to the side. His sword came flying past me. I threw the Wing of the Demon King. It cut off an ear on the way back. He started screaming. I walked up to him and put my sword up to his throat. "You lose. You will be kicked out from the guard, you will give up all armor, noble standing and weapons and you will not bother us again," He whitened at the noble standing remark. He took off all of his armor and gave me his swords. He walked away. All of the watchers applauded.

"I am going to sleep, if I get woken up for any reason tomorrow I will be slightly mad at the messenger and extremely pissed at the emergency, and it will be an emergency or I will be very displeased," Everyone nodded and Mutate followed me. We went up to the bedroom in the castle. We had sex and I went to sleep.

I woke up early in the morning, Mutate a few seconds later. We walked down to the throne room. I sat in the throne. I was on there for Five. Fucking. Minutes until a fucking emergency happened. Crystal barged in and shouted "There's a pink alicorn and a unicorn coming! They have some Royal Guards with them. When we stopped them and asked them for their reason of coming into town they barged past us. They're on a warpath towards us!" The doors slam open. Cadence(Hopefully the real one) and a unicorn storm in. It looked like the unicorn with the badass armor... ha ha ha motherfucker! I own your armor!

"Release the crystal ponies from your bidding evil tyrant!" She then saw me on the throne. "What the buck are you? Auntie Celestia never told me about one of your kind. She only said she got rid of a monster," That bitch!

"I'm glad she's locked up in the dungeons then," She looked like her brain broke for a second.

"Why is Auntie in the dungeons?" She was glaring at me.

"For killing a few hundred ponies as well as attempted murder," Her brain.exe broke.

I got my guards to escort them off of the premises. I then made sure that the windigoes would make her stay out. I went to the Crimson. Mutate came with me, as did Crystal. I gave him a hellstone armor set. He was fully able to come with us. He stayed up top to train against the creatures. I got five frost wolf warriors to go with him and defend him if it looks like he will get hurt. We descended into the fleshy bowels of the Crimson...

Author's Notes:

To any of you who dislike my humor.

Our adventurers are heading into the belly of the beast, literally. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Blueblood's ancestor is an earth pony! It's canon now!

In Which I Am a Brainy Guy

Mutate and I descended into the chasm. We passed by a bunch of circular altars. They were fleshy and had eyes on top of them. I started to remove the sungla... nope! Nope! NOPE! NOPE! I quickly put them back on. When I took them off I saw that we were actually in the belly of the beast, a remarkably dead beast, but still a beast. The fact that it grows disturbs me now. Very much so. I walked along. A Blood Crawler(I don't own the picture,) came at me. I removed the sunglasses again and lashed out faster than a speeding bullet. I put the sunglasses back on. I got some loot. Crimstone Blocks, a Heart of Crimson and Arachnid Essence. I ran downwards with Mutate. I fought a bunch of Face Monsters and Blood Crawlers. We continued downwards.

When we got down to the big anteroom I lowered my glasses in awe... and succinctly put them back on because of the body horror that is the crimson. There was a golden chest at the bottom for some obscure reason. We opened it and there were two Bands of Regeneration in there. I put one on and gave one to Mutate, along with the Band of Starpower. "There's a combo of those two rings later on. It makes you have more mana and regenerate mana," She nodded. We went down one of the many chasms. I sensed that there were two hearts. I made a hole for us to climb through. I broke both of the hearts. One dropped an Undertaker, the Crimson revolver and one dropped two Panic Necklaces. I tossed one of them and the revolver to her. She put it on.

We went down to the last heart we needed. I broke it and got the Rotted Fork.

I pulled out my blade because I knew it wouldn't quite be the same as the game, I then saw the massive fucking eye balls. I cut at one, it died and split in two. A massive amount of blood splashed onto me. I am so glad that filth doesn't stick to me. If it did I might have to bu multiple sets of clothing! Oh no! I summoned some of the Frostwolves. I became a whirlwind of death and destruction. Eventually all of the Creepers were dead. I heard a roar. The giant ass brain that I'd only barely seen before warped in. It had a giant ass mouth. I took off the sunglasses and was horrified. I snapped out of it when the Brain bit me. It hurt like a son of a bitch. I whipped it out and stabbed that motherfucker. I saw wisps of an outline of three more brains. It teleported elsewhere. I heard Mutate yell and turned around. I stabbed him again. His health bar appeared. I called for three Eater of Worlds. They flew through the air and bit him a bunch of times. When they went away the brain was deformed. I stabbed the real one a few more times. The outline became too hard to tell. I had to depend on Mutate because she's immune to mental(heh, puns) manipulations.

We slowly got the real one down to death throes and when he died he exploded. I got the bag and a bunch of tendrils flew out from him. They started making monsters that were a horrifying mixture of a Blood Crawler and a Face Monster. When I killed one I got something called Vial of Crimson but nothing else. We cut through the horde. I got a rare drop from one. Blood Net Can catch Crimson enemies all the time and can catch Crimson bosses easier. ... Shit. I took it out and caught one of the creatures. Crimson Aberrant Abomination Minion. I brought him out. He spoke in a guttural voice. "Thank you for saving me from that torment, I have had to deal with that for too long, I am the only one who cares though. I used to be one of you, then the brain combined me with a Blood Spider. All of the rest of them were just Face Monsters," I caught another. Crimson Abomination Minion. Well... ok. I cut down a bunch of them. I got another Blood Net and tossed it to Mutate. She thanked me.

I got another rare drop. Blood Moon Attraction Device When activated, each night has a one in two chance to be a blood moon. That will be useful for the Money Trough. We got to the web's center, where everything was coming from. It looked a lot like... THE SOUL CONTAINER!!! It was red instead of the light blue color though. I mined at it and it turned off. I then mined some more, I got Container of Bloody Souls. The creatures stopped spawning. We spawned another Brain after looting three more hearts. There was another Rotted Fork which I threw to Mutate, a Crimson Rod and the stupid light pet. I did equip the light pet though, because a floating heart glowing with a red following me is awesome. I used the Blood Net. Holy fuck! I got 30 of them. I killed the rest. We both stabbed at him. He spawned another Container when he died. I grabbed it too.

We went up to the surface where Crystal Clear was a blood ruby color. He was running around killing Crimson beings while they ignored him. "Why the fuck are you a ruby color?" He looked at me.

"It is another part of my special talent, I can blend into any situation or area. Since you are my ally you can see me, these creatures can't. It strangely doesn't work on dragons... probably because they can smell crystals," Mutate tossed him her Rotted Fork. He looked over it approvingly. "This is a good spear, better than mine in any case. I am glad that I now have two highly strong weapons for defending the Crystal Empire," I nodded at him. "We're going back now?" I shook my head.

"I'll teleport back after I grab something from a long time ago. You guys head back," They nodded and started making small talk while jogging back to the Empire. I went to where I remembered the Container of Frozen Souls was. It was there. It seemed like it was going to overflow. I turned it on to level four, which was some zomponies, some slimes but more windigoes. I cut those bitches up. I continued until it looked like the container was at an alright level. I picked it up. I teleported back to the Crystal Empire.

I went downstairs until I found an arena for the containers. I put one of the Crimson ones there along with the Tundra one. Noone had seen my new ally until then. I heard a shriek. "My lord! There's a monster behind you!"

"Aberrant, can you assure the pony behind me you are sapient?" I heard his gravelly voice behind me. He talked with her. She ended up reassured about him. I went to the smithy that I found the first time I came here. Mutate found me. I made a Blood Butcherer and a Light's Bane. I made a Blade of Grass and another Fiery Greatsword. There's only one more thing I need. I left all of my minion creation things in the chest in my bedroom. I switched to the other world after instructing Mutate how to and leaving her to rule in my stead. I got all of the people in my tree to move to the Crystal Empire except Rarity because she had to stay.

... Okay. I can deal. I went inside. There was a yellow pony. "I am Flim and my brother is Flam. We were just kicked out of our previous town. We heard there was a spot for a traveling merchant that stays for one day and leaves the next," I nodded. "Would you like to see my wares?"

I hit the shop button. I bought an Ammo Box, a Celestial Magnet, two Crimson Cloaks, a Sitting Duck's Fishing Pole and a Black Counterweight for when I test out the yoyos. I ran to Canterlot. When I got there Luna was waiting. "What are you planning to do Terrarian? The dungeon is full of skeletons, a lot of ponies were hurt,"

"I plan on hunting for golden chests down there. I am in no danger of skeletons," She nodded and walked with me to the dungeon. When we got there she told a guard to let us pass. I swaggered(definitely not walked cautiously) into the place. I saw a bunch of chests with golden chains on them and skeletons, there were a few Dungeon Slimes that I could see. I walked up to one of the slimes and used the dragon claw. Turns out slimes are very flammable(lol, gaming knowledge is useful) and I got the key, along with a bunch of slime, Amorphous Essence and Charred Heart of Acid. Alright. I opened a chest. It contained two Muramasas, two Recall Potions, 4 Lesser Healing Potions and 3 Regeneration Potions. I killed some more Dungeon Slimes and got more golden keys.

The next chest contained two Cobalt Shields, some more Recall Potions and some Shine Potions, along with a gold coin. The one after that had a Magic Missile and some more potions. I fought an optional boss. It was a bigger version of an Angry Bones. It dashed at me. I dashed through him. It did something that hasn't happened before. It caused a debuff that did constant damage. When he got low enough I used a Bug Net

... I did not buy that many Bug Nets. I still had all twenty. Fuck! I forgot that it was a permanent item! I got a Furious Bones Minion... alright. I continued to fight skeletons and opening chests. In the end the rare items I got were; the three I got earlier, two Handguns, two Shadow Keys, and a Valor. I tried to use the Valor. I threw it like a yoyo from Earth, only forwards and it seemed like I got it. After a few minutes it came back and hit me in the face. I decided to train with the wooden yoyo first. I left the dungeon.

"Did you get what you needed?" I nodded. "I hope it was worth it,"

I nodded. "I will be heading back to the Crystal Empire. For some reason I'm the god damn ruler," She looked shocked. She did wave though. I changed back to the Crystal Empire. When I got there my jaw dropped. "Can anybody fucking explain why Cadence is on my throne?" Said pink princess jumped and stared at me.

"I am claiming my birthright as the ruler of the Crystal Empire, you are a monster like Sombra! You killed the entire race of dragons!" I let loose another amazing cackle. She looked at me like I grew another head. "This is exactly my point! You are evil!" I continued laughing.

I then got serious. Deadly serious. She balked at my stare. "Care to test whether people want to be free of my evil if it exists? And whether the ponies want you as a ruler?" She nodded, probably having the idea that ponies are so racist that they'll choose her. It'll be funny. I walked outside at a brisk pace. She followed but could barely keep up, even while running.

We collected all of the ponies and went to the town square. I held the megaphone. "Hello ponies, this dipshit here wants to hold a competition to see who all of you want to be in charge here. So, who do you choose, the one who vanquished Sombra, found the Crystal Heart and defended you from the dragons, or do you want the useless third alicorn from Equestria who goes through enough mood-swings to make a changeling queen posing as her who had a horrible attitude go unnoticed? Do you want me?" All of the guards and common ponies stomped on the ground. "Do you want Cadence, the alicorn of Love?" Most of the nobles stomped. There were way more common ponies and guards than nobles. "Would you please separate based on your vote?" Cadence shook her head no but all of them did so. I motioned for my guards to remove Cadence and all of the people who voted for her. They complied. They were all shouting euphemisms and screaming that they were sorry. I'm not keeping anybody who could rebel.

I went to the Crimson. I made the Night's Edge with one of the Muramasas and all of the other swords required. There was another recipe. Crimson Spine. It was amazing, it was stronger than the Night's Edge but slightly slower. I could then combine them for some reason. They became the Greatsword of Evil. A red sword that changes to purple and back. There were spikes on both sides that were the other color at all times. When the blade was red, the spikes were purple and vice versa. It had more damage than either of them and was faster. It was also bigger. I took it to the training dummies. I hit one and it did 80 damage. My sword's base damage was 70 with a 16 use time. I like it a lot. I took it to the training yard.

This time when me and Crystal had a spar his sword broke. I promised him I'd get him one of the swords later. I'll probably give him a hardmode sword. I went up to my room and went to bed with my sexy changeling girlfriend. I fell asleep. I didn't know what I'd be facing the next day.

Author's Notes:

We see Cadence again, she is not used to getting things to be not her way! The protagonist has gotten a new sword and will give the loot he won't use to the other protagonist tomorrow.

In Which I Learn To Embrace My Godhood

I woke up. The queen beside me was warm. I stood up and cracked my back. The noise woke Mutate up. "Was that your back?" I nodded because it felt so good. I couldn't talk because of the feeling. I was soon able to speak but before I could a pony burst in to the room.

"My Lord! The diamond dogs are attacking!" Damn it. I checked the chat to make sure it was what I thought it was. I then saw it. 'A Diamond Dog Army is Approaching From the South!' and 'The Diamond Dog Army has Arrived!' We both rocketed up out of our spots. I gave her a Handgun, a Cobalt Shield, the Magic Missile, a Crimson Cloak, the Celestial Magnet and a Shadow Key. She pulled out the Magic Missile and used it on a Diamond Dog outside our door.

"Spike, can you take a letter... ooh. I don't know why but I'm feeling pleasure for some reason," I let out another moan. I saw that Spike was hiding something. I dictated to him for the letter. "Dear... Princess Celestia, ooh, for some reason I am feeling sexual stimulus even though I am not... ohhh, having sexual activities," I felt much more extreme pleasure and let out a scream. Spike then sent the letter off and I saw what he was hiding. I had never thought it would be so big. I looked away in shock.

"Sorry Twi," I nodded. He was forgiven.

I placed the Ammo Box on the ground. Mutate didn't want to use the Magic Missile so she started hurling Demon Scythes at them. The gore was intense. All of the Diamond Dogs dropped some Canine Essence, Stone and Hearts of Digging. That will be useful later. They all dropped something called Spiky Gems. Huh. Seems legit. A MOTHERFUCKING WIZARD(!!!) popped up and shot some purple magic at us. My hornet shot a stinger at him. It got impaled in his throat. That was disturbing. He dropped something that I realized immediately I needed more of. Core of Magic Makes Creature you create have magic. I NEED MORE!!! I sprinted around trying to find some more of them. I found a group of five. I threw the Wing of an Ancient Dragon at them. I got five more magic cores.

I summoned a Gigantic Great Devourer Minion. They are about the size of a normal Eater of Worlds. When it popped out of the ground and ate half of them in one fell swoop, they got a bit scared... as did the ponies. A beefier goblin walked out of the group.

The bastard started throwing knives at me! I caught one. Knife of the Diamond Dogs. I threw it but it stayed in my hands. Another one came out of nowhere and stabbed him. I brought the Greatsword of Evil back out and swung at him. It did an alright amount of damage. Mutate shot him with the Handgun. I swung at him again. I did a really strong swing and caught him at the neck. The head flew away like a home run towards Equestria. I suddenly felt really sorry for whoever was there.

I got a treasure bag. I put it in my inventory. Mutate used the Cursed Maracas. They were super-effective. When the Diamond Dogs died dey're(Misspelled for added alliterative appeal!) heads exploded. There was blood everywhere! I got something called a Diamond Dog Digging Drill. It dug faster than my pickax for now. I went to the smithy. I found all of my bags were assorted in another part of the inventory. I opened the Solar Tyrant Treasure Bag. It contained another Alicorn's Alicorn, some more Alicorn Essence and a Heart of Extreme Light. There was also a weapon called a Solar Flare. It was a pretty damn strong magic weapon. Mutate already had one though. She had even made some more changelings to follow her. They were fighting as a team during the siege.

I made another Magic of a Deity and gave it to Mutate. She ended up being the alicorn of insectoid beings. Seriously, all of the crystal mosquitoes, which I found out this world has, flew off of me. They all did a ritual dance in front of me. Heresy! They all coalesced in front of me into a massive one. I don't like mosquitoes, especially ones the size of my head. I can't wait to get some zombies. I pet the mosquito because that was what I was expected to do. Let me tell you one thing, sunglasses don't stop how bugs feel. Disgusting.

I heard that. ... Alright. You do realize that I don't mean you... right? She nodded. I walked towards the crafting bench. I made a Zombie Goliath Minion. It was massive. I didn't place it yet but I knew. I also finally created a Frostwolf Alpha. It opened up so many crafting recipes, along with the first recipe to go to an anvil. It was called a Glacial Frostwolf Minion. I realized how OP it was by the fact that when I put it out it was much bigger than the betas. It was about as tall as me and eight feet long. Massive. The fact that he sent out a few Frostwolf Alphas just sweetened the deal. I sent him to deal with the monster problem around here.

One of the adventurers, the one that I saved, called out to me via the God-cam© and was in danger. Please Saviour, the griffons are after me! Please save me! I noted where he was. He was across a fucking ocean. I mounted Thermite and we flew across. I thought we'd never find our way across but we made it there. I jumped off and rolled when I hit the ground. I was in a full sprint as soon as I got back up. I was running and some thoughts went through my head. Kill the griffons, they are threatening one of your subjects. I shook that thought out of my head. I put on my Team Dye with no team equipped and continued to run. The shitty invisibility was what saved me from the scrutiny of the griffons, half bird half cat creatures. I soon found where my follower was hiding. I went inside the building via the Cloak of Shadows. I took off my dyes.

The equine in front of me yelped in surprise. "Who the hay are you?" She looked at me in suspicion. I'm the one you prayed for. She jumped. "You are the one who saved me from the boulder?"

"Yes I am. Like I said, I'm not a god but I will help anyone I can," She looked shocked that I had the same voice. "Do you want me to get you out of here?" She nodded. I used the Bug Net, I sold 19 of them. Daring Do/A. K. Yearling. I warped back to the Crystal Empire. I put her out in the middle of the courtyard.

"That felt... strangely pleasant. I don't really want to repeat it but I liked it," She looked around. "Wait, is this the Crystal Empire?" I nodded. "How did you get us here that fast? I can't feel the buzz of recent magic,"

"Via a great power. Walk with me, alright?" She nodded. "You called out to me from across the world and I came, I suppose in some ways I am like a god but I am not fully one. I do not know all of the names of the ones who worship me, what is your name?" She looked at me strangely.

"My birth name is Daring Do, but I go by A. K. Yearling," I already knew this because of the net but I didn't want to set a standard. "What is your name, if I'm allowed to know?" I nodded.

"My name is Terrarian, but you can call me Terry. A lot of ponies do. Where do you need to be?" I'm wondering.

"I have to go back to Canterlot to get the package to the Princess," I shook my head. "Why not?" I laughed in an emotionless way. I told her about what has happened with Celestia since Luna was back. She looked downright disturbed. "I guess I don't really need this, do you want it?" An item came towards me with great force. It went in my inventory.

That bitch! She was trying to give herself Limited Omniscience! Doesn't mean I won't but I don't have a fuckmassive sphere of influence.(Puns) I used it. I suddenly knew everything that I wanted to about my worshippers, I deleted most of the knowledge from my mind but the names and a small list of likes and dislikes. I also kept the languages (I'm not fucking taking the time to learn other languages!) because fuck yes. I sent Daring home in an Eater. She kept calm when I told her to calm the fuck down.

I also found the Diamond Dog Tinkerer(I'm not fucking with you, apparently this is unoriginal). He moved to the castle. I bought the workstation and put it in the workroom. I bought the Rocket Boots. When I put it down I first made Spectre Boots, then Lightning Boots. I put them on. I started running and fell over. I got back up. This time I ran and didn't fall over. It was getting darker out.

I also made an Alpha Sweetheart Necklace with the Alpha Honeycomb and the Panic Necklace. I put it on. I am now a badass. I made an Obsidian Skull and made an Obsidian Shield. I decided to make some more minions. There was something called a Flamewolf. I made an alpha with Flame Blocks, Canine Essence and a Charred Heart of Nature. I then saw there was a similar recipe to the Glacier Frostwolf Minion. It was called a Molten Flamewolf Minion.

I set him off with a quest to kill some windigoes. He went off and started spawning more wolves. I went upstairs to my room. I went to sleep and Mutate climbed in. Little did I know, the next day would test me like no test before...

Author's Notes:

I'm so sorry for the long wait... if it is getting up there in the wait-time, like about a week, you guys can send me polite reminders to continue the story. Coming up next is another canon boss of Terraria, then shit will get harder. Have a great (measurement of time)!

In Which I Am a Fleshy Destroyer

I woke up in the bed in the Crystal Empire. There was a creepy-ass face in my face. "Hey Discord! What's up?" He started laughing.

"There's a doll in Tartarus that has the likeness of my face, you know what to do with it. I won't die," Wait, what? Discord's the Guide? Damn.

"Wall of Flesh time?" He nodded. I looked at Mutate, who had just woken up. "Time to go Hardmode."

"What? That doesn't make sense!" There's a boss we have to fight Mutate! "Let's go,"

I summoned an Eater to take us to Hell. We landed down there and the demons were flocking towards us. I killed one instantly when it came near and I got a Guide Voodoo Doll. I looked to Mutate and she nodded.

I then threw the doll in the lava. Mutate was beside me. A necklace, almost like the Panic Necklace landed in my hand. "I am Rin the Dungeon Keeper. If you are a hero fear not my darkness for I am immune to its taint. If you need my aid in battle or my expertise in dark magic call me and I'll come if I can."

The help is welcome I guess… “Hello Rin, we are about to face a massive eldritch being and would appreciate the help,” A portal appeared out of the ground like a bottomless pit, four crystal pillars grew out of the ground around it but were soon pushed from my view by the summon message.

From the hole rose up a nine-tailed fox lady followed by a few skeletons. After taking a quick look around she concentrated and from the portal rose two ponies, one with a large and extremely heavy looking gun. There was also a gaunt undead with a bald, distorted looking wolf's head and long arms that he held almost like a praying mantis with long knife-like claws that seemed to slowly grow outwards and retract at random.

“So where is the big bad?” the fox asked. I pointed behind her, to where the giant tendrils were beginning to extend from the bloody mass of flesh behind her. The mouths were opening and closing in a pattern. The closest eye sent a laser at me. “...I want to dissect it,” she said while giving it a hungry look. “Know any weaknesses?” she asked as she began charging up dark magic.

“I suggest using AoE on the tendrils and after they’re all dead, aim for the massive amounts of mouths and eyes… at least that’s what I’d do in Terraria,” I sent my windigo army after the eyes. The eyes looked scared for a little bit. Even more so when Mutate sent some Demon Scythes at the wall. When the tendrils lashed out Rin’s undead moved in and with quick swings and claws that extended out at lightning speed began hacking away them. The unicorn moved with surprising speed to attack the others while the earth pony aimed her gun and fired it into the highest eye creating an explosion while Rin let loose thunder bolts. The skeletons just wildly attacked any part they could reach. She and her army dealt with a lot of the tendrils, the wall began to move forwards. She was almost grabbed by the wall before they noticed.

“Wow!” She shouted as she jumped back. The ponies got away as well but the slashing undead was snagged by one of its tongues, it did manage to cut himself free before he was pulled into the mouth and quickly moved away from it before it could run him over. I turned into a Demon King and fired some scythes at it. Rin looked over at me and asked, “What are you displaced as anyways?” I smirked at her with my demonic face.

”I, was Displaced as a creatable character from Terraria, I managed to get a tome of Changeling Magic, I could use it because my character is able to use magic. I suspect that you didn’t come as a pre-made package either, did you?” She stared at me. I popped out some more demons just to be creepy. The demons flew towards the wall. They continued to attack the wall. Sadly, the skeletons were of little use.

“I was Displaced as a dungeon keeper which has no set appearance. It’s a videogame where you create a dungeon D&D style and attract bad guys and monsters as minions to fight invaders or to invade other Keepers or Heroes. I’m a kitsune because I was wearing a Kitsune mask at the time.” She said as she pulled her remaining skeletons out before charging up another spell but when it hit nothing happened. “Dollification doesn't work. Oh well it was worth a shot.” She said before hitting the clawed undead with a spell that gave it a powerful speed boost and creating another portal that allowed a small army of small undead bats and birds that honed in on the mouths and eyes and exploded on contact, their bones acting as shrapnel.

“I don’t think turning the Wall of Flesh into a doll would be a good idea, not that you knew… I need the loot. Maybe later on you can try it on some demons. They would be cute dolls,” The wall sped up. I turned back into myself and Mutate ran up beside us. I sent my hornets to sting the wall repeatedly. It got lower in health and sent out some leeches. They started flying towards us and worming through blocks but Rin cast a spell that created a burning inferno of fire that blazed with intense heat in a wide area to burn them. I caught one in my Bug Net before they were all dead. It was so cute in my inventory. We drew closer to the end of the first walkway and the chasm lurked.

“Okay, I haven’t done this one in a while but…” she said as her tails came together and created a bubble that grew darker as she fed more magic into it. Seeing this I used my inhuman 18 foot-high jump to make it to the next platform. Just when she was at the edge her minions disappeared and she launched the orb into the Wall of Flesh’s largest mouth while creating a barrier around herself.

When the teeth penetrated the dark ball it exploded with dark magic hitting its entire face at once and knocking out teeth. The wall exploded and died. The chunks of flesh flew at us along with massive amounts of blood. Rin was flying across the chasm from being so close to the blast area and glowing like Tinkerbell, she healed herself while singing to the tune from ‘I believe I can fly’ “Oh I believe this will hurt, when my face is grinding in the dirt! Oh I believe this will hurt,” I clapped at her and got one of the windigoes to catch her. It brought her to me.

“That is why you run away from explosions,” I said in a sarcastic tone. I noticed she had a treasure bag in her paws, as I had one in my inventory. Mutate also had one. I flew up to the box with my boots. I mined into the top layer. The... Banhammer(?) flew into my hands. I jumped back out and fell down to her.

I just barely heard her reply. “Didn’t have time to make a portal and had nowhere to run to,” she said as she dug through her bag and pulled out a Laser Rifle and the Summoner Emblem... or so I thought. “What's this do?” she asked while examining the Emblem before holding it up to Mutate’s face. “You know?”

Mutate looked at her. “I have no clue. Ask Terry,” She pointed at me.

“As my darling queen Mutationis said, I’m the one you should ask. That looks like something from the game, can you toss me it?” She did so. Leader Emblem All followers are 15% better. “That’s what I thought,” I tossed it back to her. “It’s an accessory that beefs up everything about all of your minions, strength, speed, intelligence, endurance and for those that talk charisma. Have fun with better followers,” She nodded to me.

“Neet!”(This is what the other author said.) she said excitedly as she put it on around her neck. She then aimed her new gun and fired off a few shots making pew noises every time she pulled the trigger. She then pulled out a Demon Heart. “So monsters always drop loot when you kill them here? Is it like a big MMO world with lots of monsters to hunt?” she asked after she was done playing with her new toy.

I nodded and looked at her. “It isn’t an MMO, but it does have constant monsters. You can consume that heart, just so you know. Some of them have very lucrative drops,” She looked at me. “You could send some of your guys to fight and farm, I don’t care,”

“WOOP!” She calls out happily as she summons up the minions from before and a new one that was huge and had two large hooks on chains attached to his belt, some nights in black armor and some small creatures with pickaxes. “Time for some level grinding troops! This world is full of monsters and I want you to hunt them until you reach max level or longer if you like. If you want any cash they drop you can keep them but I want the goodies! Bring me toys!” She ordered and they went out to hunt.

She then looked at the heart then looked at me. “Before you go off on a tangent with me, you could just use the magic inside of it, that technically counts as consuming it,” She just shrugs and opens her mouth and sucks the magic out of it. It gave her the ‘extra accessory slot’ and it’s fleshy body turned to ash.

I called a Gargantuan Great Devourer.

“I suggest relaxing, this may be shocking,” The worm dropped down and started bringing us to the surface. Rin looked shocked when the Great Devourer first came but looked calm afterwards.

“So, know anyplace fun around here?” she asked. The worm spit us out at the surface.

“First let’s stop by my tree house then we can go to the Crystal Empire. I am the ruler for some reason. The reason I suggest there is because there is an amazing body horror place there. It’s amazing!” I walked in the front door of my house. Rin followed me. I went to the workshop. The place looked amazing. I walked over to the workbench. I made something called a Direwolf Alpha Minion with Ebonstone, a Withered Heart of Nature and some Canine Essence. I upgraded it to a Reaper Direwolf Minion with some bones. I gave her it. “Push your magical signature into the wolf. By doing so it will become loyal and you will be able to talk psyonically with it. It will be able to follow tasks, as well as make some Alpha Direwolves and thusly a Direwolf army eventually, the runts are so cute!”

“Okay, but I would be able to understand any minion I have so long as it’s not mindless.” She said as she poured some magic into it. It jumped out of her paw and landed on the ground. It grew to the size of the other upgraded ones. Half as tall as I am but twice as long as I am tall and a majestic beast. “Nice, I shall name you… Wraith. Hopefully you and yours are friendly enough. We have innocents to protect and Sasha has no K-9 friends. My timberwolves prefer to spend their time scouting the woods,” Sasha? Nevermind… I don’t want to know.

Hey, Glacial, come back, there are some people I want to see you, bring an alpha as well. I looked at them. “My Glacier Frostwolf is coming back. You can set a lot of tasks on Wraith. You could even send him halfway across the world if there’s something you need done there,” I felt something similar to an Arctic Wind. I am here, Master. He walked in the door. His glowing icy eyes looked out at Rin and Wraith. He bowed. “I had sent him out on a task but I called him back to show you,”

“Nice. You’re going to be useful with the war going on back home.” Rin said to Wraith as she scratched Wraith’s ear. She then snorted and bopped her on the nose. “That’s not nice,” she said as Glacial gave Wraith an annoyed stare. Do I have to be around this child Master? I burst out laughing and Rin looked at me before shrugging and turning back to Wraith.

“I’m sending you to my dungeon and setting up a lair for you to live in. Make some new recruits for me will you?” Wraith nodded and presumably said something of an affirmative to Rin. Rin then created a portal for her but after Wraith left a giant three headed puppy came out. The massive pup immediately started sniffing Glacial and with all three heads happily started licking him and coating him in a thick layer of drool. Unhand me beast! Master! Master, help me Master! I wish I could talk! “Alright girl, let him up. You’re going to be my mount for a bit.” Rin said as she pulled the pup away with her magic and with some effort climbed up on the pup’s back.

“Now to the Crystal Empire! The Crimson awaits!” I sounded a lot like a nerd that just found out their favourite book was being made into three movies. We walked out of the tree house. See you later Mutate, We had just enough time to go to the Crimson. I mounted Thermite. “Let’s go!” I flew and she rode below to the Crystal Empire. I dismounted while in the air and landed in the center of the square. I ran towards the direction of the Crimson, Rin behind me. We made good time and before we knew it we were there.

“Why is everything covered in blood?” Rin asked as she sniffed the air. “As a necromancer I know blood and this is it but there is something off about it.” She then saw a Face Monster walking towards us. With a cocked eyebrow she shot a beam of magic at it and it was suddenly very small and when it hit the ground it made a squeak. I picked up the new… plushy and it was so cute! It had tiny little jaws that went so well with the face! “You can keep it. I got a feeling I will have plenty of opportunities to make new toys in this place.” Rin said from the back of her mount.

I walked into the entrance of the chasm. The Hardmode enemies had yet to spawn so I felt safe. We walked downwards, by the time we reached the bottom I had almost 20 toys, not counting the few she kept. I walked down some tunnels that I hadn’t yet. I was able to just mine through the wall at the end. I broke some more hearts and I tossed a Panic Necklace, and a Crimson Rod to her. I kept the other Panic Necklace. The brain spawned. I caught like five of the Creepers, while Rin dollified most of what was left and bagged them. I grabbed one before she did though.

She then opened up a portal and summoned some more of those small undead animals to attack. Her pup mount managing to keep moving and dodging any attack the giant brain threw their way while Rin blasted it with her new laser gun while making that pew sound again which the brain took as mockery.

I was transformed into the pony Skeletron and stomping on the brain. The brain died very fast but didn’t spew out the soul cage. Rin got another bag. She opened it and pulled out a brain mask, some lesser healing potions, some crimtane ore and a Brain of Confusion. We went to the surface. All of Rin’s minions were waiting there, with a giant pile of stuff.

One pile was a massive pile of slime that had to come from an army’s worth of them and on top of the pile sat a Slime Staff. Another pile was beeswax and Beenades I grabbed some of the wax and made a Hornet Staff for Rin which she thanked me for. The last pile was assorted gems, bones, some Bone Feathers.I gasped at that and took one. “This is mine, you can keep the rest though,” There were also some coins the undead found.

“Well this has been fun, but some of my minions are on an important mission back home and I should probably get back in case I’m needed. But first what’s so special about this?” she asked holding up a feather. I laughed.

“This can make a pair of wings for me, anyways… I’ll see you later. Rin, our contract is complete,” A portal opened up in the ground first sucking in her minions then most of the things her minions hunted for. The last was the massive pile of slime that broke off piece by piece to get to the portal and each one hit her on its way.

“Hey! Wha-OW! Stop!” she wailed as she desperately flailed her front legs to try to beat off the blob bombardment before the last large chunk of slime broke free of the ground and slammed into her carrying her into the portal with it before it closed behind her with a belch. That was still as disturbing as the inventory one. I shook myself out of it and teleported back to my bed. Mutate was already there. I threw out all of the Creeper Minions. I wish for you to survey this world and find all military knowledge. Don't get caught. They all flew away. I could then see out of all of the eyes. The world swept into my view. It was beautiful.

I could see myself via their view. They had fucking x-ray vision! I then saw many things I didn't want to see. Most of which were consensual sex. I saw some rape cases in Manehatten. I sent some of the Freezing Timberwolf Minions after them. They all died. I got the wolves to bring me the materials dropped. I checked in my inventory's essence menu. I saw Essence of Flight... I wonder. I went to a workbench(because all high-level recipes are in the workbench. I then went to a lake in the Crimson. I wanted some crates. I was fishing for a few hours and I had already gotten 15 Crimson Crates, as well as two Bladetongues and a goddamn Scaly Truffle. When I got that I shut down and walked, first out of the cavern then back to my room. I slapped myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I placed my plushies on the bed and crawled into bed.

Mutate walked into the room later. I woke up to a "What the fuck?" I laughed and started going back to sleep.

"A gift of Rin, she made a bunch of them. Come on, get in here," She climbed in and we went to sleep.

Author's Notes:

This was a crossover with Clockworklich and their story The Beating of My Heart. Our protagonists are in hardmode... how fun!

In Which the Author Makes a P.S.A. For Those Who Care.

As you have noticed from the title, I have something to say and a question to ask all of you readers. Thank you all for the favourites and the likes! I couldn't have done this good if it wasn't for you guys. My question is; Is it alright if I use some of the suggestions from the Biomes and Nature section of the Player Suggestions? It would be some of the Corruption, Crimson and Hallow alts. Good ones. Like the Cyber, the Contagion and the Covert? I would also be using slightly different Walls for the Underworld. Comment please and tell me what you think.

In Which I Harden Up

I woke up in an interesting predicament. All of the plushies that were around me the night before had moved around. The three Face Monsters had their mouths around my hands. The jaws were slowly moving. The Creeper one was moving and bumping into the wall over and over again. The Blood Crawlers were on the wall. The Crimeras were floating around in midair. All in all, the things were pretty cute. I woke Mutate up with a laugh. "Why are there flying stuffed toys all over the room?" I laughed even more. "You know what, fuck it," She teleported out of the room.

I looked around the room. Fuck, what do I do now? I decided to open the Crimson Crates. I ended up with quite a few things. I got something called a Bloody Arachnid Staff. I used it and a mini version of the spiders popped up. There were a bunch of Hardmode bars. I also gained another Crimson Heart. I looked in the World Menu. I noticed something odd. The Crystal Empire had a skull beside it but Equestria didn't. I poked the skull and a caption popped up.

This world has unlocked Hardmode. Huh. Interesting. I'll have to fight some more. That... kinda sucks. Fuck. I went to Equestria. I swaggered out of my treehouse. I got a swarm of bees to fly me to Canterlot. Luna was on the throne. "Hey Lulu!" Luna looked over at me with very concealed embarrassment. I jumped up and started flying with my boots. The ponies below were kinda scared. I landed on the ground before I heard a voice in my head. It was dusty. Master, the bodies are ready. I may need more mana. I asked him where he was. I am at the Canterlot cemetery. "I have to go see a pony about some dark magic, bye!" Luna blanked out.

I walked out of the room and walked towards the cemetary. Along the way I opened the Wall of Flesh Treasure Bag. I got a Demon Heart, which I promptly consumed for the extra accessory slot. I also gained a Leader Emblem. I pulled out a fuck-massive sword from the tiny bag. Breaker Blade. I gave it a few practice swings. It was pretty damn fast for a sword many times larger than I am. It would probably be useful for dragons.

I made it to the cemetery. The pony was there. I tossed him four Mana Crystals. He used them. Because of that, he started becoming darker. When he had used all four he had a skeletal image superimposed over his form. His magic started to grow darker and more monotone. He spoke to me. "With the new magic that was contained in those crystals, I am now an even greater necromancer.Thank you," He started exuding a black mist which seeped into the ground around him. A bunch of zombies clawed their way out of the ground. Braaaaiiiins Wtf? Could I get a tome of Necromancy please? He nodded and tossed me a spell book. The zombies chose that minute to interject. Braaaiiiiiiinnss Not dealing with it. I walked away with the spell book in my hands.

"Good job. Continue," He nodded. I looked through the chat to see what happened when we killed the wall. The spirits of chaos and order have been released!... wat? Nope. My brain.exe cannot handle this.
Nope.

Nope.

Nope.

Fucking forums.
I went to Ponyville. I called for a Eater of Worlds because I had to go to hell. He spit me out when he was harmed on the way out. There was a bipedal skeleton in a hat in the way. Fucking Tim? Fuck. "I was wondering when a new meal would come along. Those ponies aren't the best of food!" Nope.jpeg has been corrupted. Damn it, I wanted a nope picture! Fuck! I transformed into a lich from D&D, Tim looked scared. "Master? Please don't hurt Tim!" I took that moment to swing a net at his face. Tim Minion. We continued downwards. It spit me out once we reached Tartarus. When he spit me out I noticed some differences.

Hell was darker than normal with no flying demons for some reason. The lava was a purple color. I jumped down. There were more of the magic shard orbs around. I broke one.

What? What the fuck? I had fought many kings! A demon in a cloak began hurling demon scythes and slightly different color scythes. They were green. I dodged on principle. I began sending my mini spider at the demon. It sent some webs to attack. My new sword was pretty cool as well. We finally killed the demon and he dropped a treasure bag.

I looked on the ground and there was a purple Hellforge. I picked it up and found out it was a Soulforge. I was slightly horrified that that was a thing but I pushed on. I found a demon carrying a purple voodoo doll. Guide Soul Doll. Huh. Interesting. I don't know if I want to do this... fuck it. I threw the doll into the lava.

Huh. A wall of skeletons formed far away and an equine figure formed by shadows appeared in front of me. The skeletons started to march forwards at the same pace as the Wall of Flesh. The shadow pony dashed forwards and it made a pole-arm out of shadows. It swung it at me. I rolled out of the way and threw a grenade at it. It took some damage and I saw that it had half of the life of the wall. I continued attacking it. It started to become wispier at the halfway mark. All of a sudden there were two shadow ponies. One dashed forwards while the other stayed back.

I swung at the one dashing at me and the sword went right through. I equipped the Bladetongue and the shadow sliced at me with a katana. It actually hurt me. I was pissed. The pattern repeated itself and eventually I was seeing shadows. I had gotten one lucky hit in but it just made it have three copies with lower defence. I was on my last limbs of health and was out of healing potions. I prepared to die. I felt a burning inside of me. I could suddenly feel all of my body grow stronger. A 'whoosh' noise blew out and a pair of glowing wings spread out from my back. I saw spectral images of the beings that worship me. My wings straightened out and sent out two beams of light. One of the beams hit something I wasn't even aware of. The copies disappeared suddenly.

The second beam hit the original piece. It got down to 1 health. "No! We were so close! I will not give up just for this!" The voice was disturbingly feminine. She shot a beam of shadow at me. It hit me in the face. I could feel something inside of my head. A worming corruption, it forced it's way into my mind. It then got mobbed by all of the creatures on my side, including Chrysalis. "How? How do you have so many allies who can share your mind? That would kill any other creature except the changelings!" I carefully hid my shock as I cut her down. I got a treasure bag and a message for light and dark spirits appeared. I grabbed the Pwnhammer from the box and ported up to the surface. I decided to open the dragon bags.

The Dragon Honor Guard Treasure Bag contained the crafting materials for them, something called Mirror of Ororrim Spawns an mirror of yourself to attack your foes. Wat? It also contained something called a Twin Dragon Breath. It was a magic weapon. I took it out and sprayed it in front of me. I felt some shock when a burst of flames burst out of my back. Huh. I went back to the Crystal Empire. It was slowly starting to get dark.

I saw Crystal Clear training in the barracks when I got back. He was stabbing at the dummies in the yard. I walked up to him. He nodded at me. I then remembered the metals I had. "Clear, now that you've practiced with both sword and spear, which would you prefer?" He whirled the spear around and placed it on his back.

He walked to me with the spear on his back and said, "A few weeks ago I would've said sword, but now I see that both the spear and the sword are useful. I'd prefer a sword but if I could get both I'd want both. What will I get?" He looked at me.

I beckoned for him to follow me and we went to the workshop. "You will be getting a sword and a spear, the spear will be at a lower tier though. Do you accept?" He nodded. I made, first a Mythril Anvil, then an Adamantite Forge. I made the forge for the large amount of ore I had. I smelted all of the ore. Clear was staring at me because I had smelted bars that fast and in the same shape. I made a Titanium Sword and an Orichalcum Halberd because they're slightly stronger. I also made an Adamantite Repeater. I gave the sword and the spear to Clear. He took them out. I saw the name hovering above his head change. |Captain of Captains Crystal Clear|

"No training with those, alright?" He nodded. I made four Adamantite Swords out of the remaining red bars as well as a full set of ranged/mage armor for Mutate. I took the swords out to the captains. I handed them all out.

Shit, weapons for my military are an achievement? May have to work on the armor next. I ran to my room. I opened Pyrite's bag. It contained something called Properties of a Dragon KingAbundant Abilities. It was an accessory. I decided to change all of my accessories around. I equipped my cape, the Alpha Sweetheart Necklace, the Lightning Boots, Properties of a Dragon King, the Obsidian Shield and the Demon Ritual Stone. I swaggered to the smithy.

I was much stronger than before and I felt a fire burning inside of me. I could see much more clearly and I could see how magical something was just by the glow. I could tell I had barely scraped the surface.

My Soulforge was the next thing to be placed. Once I did I found a recipe I was glad to find. For five Essences of Flight I could get a Soul of Flight. I made ten. I went over to my anvil and made something special, the Bone Wings. I swapped them out for the Obsidian Shield. I forged myself a set of the melee and summoner set of Adamantite Armor.In the end it was +18% Melee Speed, +23% Movement speed, +2 max minions, 6% Increased Damage, +4% Critical Strike Chance, 7% increased melee critical strike chance and 14% increased melee damage along with 45 defense.

I looked in the mirror I had in the room and took my sunglasses off. I cut a pretty imposing figure. The armor was blood-red with black runes all along as well as me having a pair of bone wings sticking out of my back. I walked out the door and into the courtyard. The ponies looked at me and nearly froze. I waved at them and they continued what they were doing. I placed black dye into my three armor slots and felt bad afterwards. The aarmor was fully black besides the runes, which were now the red color. I walked to the barracks and sent out my Zombie Goliath Minion. I just had to get lucky and get a Gigantic version. I came up to its knee.

All of the ponies stopped and stared at him. I sent him into the Crimson to fight some creatures. I also sent out my Tim Minion. He came out and looked scared. "Is Master here?" I felt a bit of sympathy for him and gave him some Magic Crystals. He looked so much more smug once he had more mana. I sent him to scope out the rest of the planet without eating anything sentient. By this time it was getting a bit dark so I put on my clothing and went to my room. I removed my wings and placed them in my inventory. I walked up to my room and was going to sleep when I saw a message that shocked me awake.

...Shit.

Author's Notes:

Sorry for the long wait guys. I know what I wanna write but I'm having trouble putting down words that I like.

In Which I Learn the True Meaning of PvP

Who the hell is Darkness and why is he a player? Why did his joining automatically make the world have PvP? I have so many questions! I'll figure it out once I wake up I guess.

Your ally is being attacked!

...What... the fuck. A screen popped up showing the location of Mutate and a red skull and crossbones. It was swerving around and attacking her.

I started running towards her. I started flying because it is slightly faster than walking. I could see her below, along with a person who looked to be made out of corporeal shadows. He kept on attacking her with something like a shadow version of a Solar Eruption. He kept on going forward and slashing out with it then backing up to dodge anything she threw back. I summoned one of the summon hornets beside him. It got a single hit on him and I saw his life total.

It was 5,000. The amount of awe I felt filled me with determination. Not. I wanted to just sprint away from him as fast as I could, but the fact that Mutate was there stopped me from doing so. If she wasn’t there I would’ve pussied out like some of the Orcs from the Lord of the Rings. In the end, my will to save Mutate weighed in more than my survival. Especially because I can respawn. It helps curb my need for survival.

I threw the claw at him. Sadly, it didn’t do actual damage to him. It just took away… 5 health from him. Joy. I dashed forward but he deflected me away from him with a limb. It took away half of my health. “Mutate! Run away!” I need all of the help I can get here! A strong wave of mental speech rocketed through my mind. Yes Master!

In the time it took for them to get here I dealt 15 more damage to him. He was now at 4,978 health. The weight of the situation was bearing down on me. Then the ground split. Quite a few of my worms tore into him. I saw a valiant Tiny Devourer dive into Darkness’s body. Something I didn’t see coming, though, was it getting spit out as a stronger version. Everyone, get away, he’ll corrupt you! A darker version of the mental roar I heard earlier answered me. Too late!

...Fuck. I’m dead. The swarm coalesced into one giant worm. It then solidified. The label over it’s head was: Destroyer of Worlds. From what I know of the game, I won’t like this guy. It looks scary as fuck, mostly because it looked metallic, but made out of shadows. It was a shiny purple color, almost my favorite color, but a bit more evil. I almost wanted to catch it and keep it as a pet but I then remembered that it was made of all of my worms and that I wanted them back.

The worm dove at me. It was gyrating. I slashed at it to try to get it away. It didn’t recoil away from the slash at all. As it came closer I saw the nature of it. There was a seamless weave of all the worms. The blade came towards them and it went in between two of them. It didn’t stop there though. The blade continued into one of the worms farther down and bisected it. I felt a quick pain, almost like being pinched sharply. I knew it was because I harmed one of my creatures. Wait, if they still are connected to me, maybe they can be purified. I grabbed Mutate and put her into my inventory with the Bug Net. I then warped to the Crystal Empire and ran to Doctor Sombrero.

“Are you in need of purification? Take these.” He handed me a full stack of Purification Powder. I looked at him. “I’d rather not die if that’s what you’re asking. There’s a gods damned worm out there.” Alright then… I will have to ask about the gods later. I flew back to where the worm and Darkness were. They weren’t there anymore. Fuck. I felt around my mental link for the corrupted presence.

It was halfway to Canterlot. I hopped onto Thermite when he appeared from wherever he comes from. We both flew onwards and reached them once they got a little bit farther. We were near a landmark called Neighagra Falls. I knew what that was making a pun about, but I just separated it from my care. I have better things to worry about.

I ran towards Darkness and noticed that he still had the same amount of health as before. I was filled with hope. I can do this. I cloned myself using the Mirror of Ororrim and both of me rushed at Darkness with haste. When the worm came at me, I threw some Purification Powder at it. The portion of worms it hit all broke off from the main one and went underground. They all were back to normal, thank God.

The worm diverted from me and roared. It had much less HP than before. Darkness lashed out with his whip and both me and the clone jumped at just the right time. The whip went under my feet and continued until it wrapped around Darkness itself. I saw his health go down by 200. I pulled out the Solar Flare, because it might be useful. Upon doing it, my clone did as well. We both used it on Darkness, and his health went down quite a bit faster.

The worm made a pass at my clone, and he waited until the worm was much nearer, and threw quite a bit of Purification Powder at it. Half of the remaining worm was purified. It recoiled and went underground. I shot another flare at Darkness. He was now at around 4300 health. I continued to attack him, and once he got to 4000 health he began to speak to me. ”So this is how it’s going to be? You’ll fight me and kill me before you even speak with me? Not even trying to “purify” me? Typical. The thought of reforming me didn’t even cross your mind. I know why it is so. You think this is all a game, like Terraria. When someone goes against you, they have to be evil.”

I paid him no mind, because he was just trying to make me distracted. But nothing prepared me for what he said at 3000 health. ”I should know you won’t listen, I used to be like you, hell, I’m just another version of you who went through different circumstances. But this doesn’t matter.” Bullshit. It means everything.

“Bullshit. Prove it.” He looked at me, and what he did after that, was remove his armor and vanities. He was a mirror of me, if I had gone through extremely hard times. He had gained at least 10 scars and his face looked strained. Fuck. He then put his gear back on, but left the vanities off. He was wearing an extremely dark looking armor. The kind of armor I liked to have my characters in Terraria wear. It looked like it was a weighty armor. It was mostly black, with purple runes gouged into the armor. He looked like a scion of the Corruption.

He threw out a summon. It wasn’t like anything I had ever seen before. It looked to be something similar to the Moon Lord, and I knew if I wasn’t wearing my Sunglasses I would be dead. The other version of me must have had the same idea. He reached up to his face and removed his sunglasses. He then had a glimpse of utter terror before his head legitimately exploded. I was showered with gore. Regardless of sight, the feel of blood covering your face and feeling bone shards cut into you are universally bad.

I looked back at Darkness, and saw that his name had changed. It now showed a name that I had used online, but perverted. DisHonored. Oh fuck. He rushed at me much faster than I had rushed at him and he lashed out with a sword that from the look of it was much more powerful than mine. It hit me and I was instantly set to one health. His beast rushed at me. I jumped over it but it shot a tentacle at me. I remembered nothing until I woke up in the palace.

...Fuck.

When I respawned, I warped to Ponyville. The first thing I was greeted by was panic. I let Mutate out of my inventory. She looked terrified. As soon as she saw me she rushed at me and threw her arms around me. I fell over backwards from the force. She was saying things nonsensically. I hugged her and tried to comfort her.

“How did you… I saw what your life was… how did you live through that on Earth?” What. He didn’t. He fucking didn’t. He better not have. “How did you live through the people doing that? H-how are the people there naturally that black in morality?” He fucking did. I’m going to murder him. Maybe, he is me after all.

I went into my Essence tab, and imbued myself with a hundred Hellspawn Essence, then felt an extreme amount of pain. I dropped to the ground as a burning sensation went through me. I could vaguely hear Mutate talking to me and trying to heal me. A tearing sound filled the air as a pair of horns stabbed out of my temples, a pair of wings tore out of my back, and a tail grew out from my tail bone.

I flew out to DisHonored faster than I flew before, and dropped into the ground at mach one. I punched him in the face and dealt 100 damage to him. He swung his sword at me, but I ducked under it and clawed at him with claws that grew in during the flight. My tail shot out and slashed a line into his chest. I grabbed him around the neck.

”How dare you tell Mutate what I’ve-what we’ve been through. I didn’t want it to come here! I didn’t want to put others through what I’ve been through!” I began punching him in the face repeatedly with my other hand until he disappeared from my grasp. I then looked around me, surprised.

“Wait, where did he-what?” A notification popped up. Honored has slain his shadow. What? No! I wanted to talk to him! Why? I walked to a pond and looked at myself. I barely even noticed the items that popped into my inventory. Note From Your Shadow and Shadow Treasure Bag.

I opened the note and looked at it.

Dear... Terry, I guess,

If you’re reading this it means you’ve finally won against me. I hope I gave you a good fight, and I hope you realize why I did that. I guess you probably won’t, but I did that to show you that not everything you fight is a mindless beast, and that you should act accordingly.

I hope you’re not too upset, but I had to do that because you were going down a bad path, one that I’ve only just recovered from. What I’m trying to do is stop other mes from doing the same thing. Now, some things may be out of your knowledge right now, but soon enough you will Understand, if you use the main thing from my Treasure Bag. I hope you won’t, but if you do I won’t judge.

As you may have guessed from this note, I’m not dead quite yet, but you brought me close. Just in case, you can remove specific essences from your soul by going into the Essence tab and tapping the Essence you want to get rid of and tapping Remove Essence. As a last thing, I’m sorry I told Mutate about Earth, but it’s the only way you’ll heal. I’m sorry, but,

I saw some circular patches of liquid on the paper and realized I was crying. I folded the note up, and put it into my inventory again. I walked back to the treehouse I made.

It wasn't just a small walk that seemed normal. Equestria seemed to catch on to my feelings and did an extremely cliche thing. It started raining. I'm not talking about a small refreshing shower, I'm talking full on thunderstorm. It just made me feel worse. Once I walked in the door I was full-on crying soaked. I remembered something from the note.

I went into the Essence tab and removed all the Hellspawn Essence from my soul. I got 50 back. Mutate seemed to get how I was feeling and walked towards me and hugged me. “Hey, Terry, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know. Wanna go talk to Glacial?”

“That might be nice. Where is he?” She pointed behind me. I turned around just as Glacial jumped at me. Master! You’re back! And the uneasy feeling is gone! “Hey Glacial. Yeah, it’s over for now. The person who was doing this is gone.” Glacial snuggled into me. I’m glad it’s over.

Just then, the events of the last two days crashed into me like a tsunami. I started walking back to the bed in the treehouse, and almost fell asleep. Mutate decided to intervene.

I felt an amazing burst of energy flowing through me. I turned to look at my queen, who had a sad look on her face. “Tell me about your world, please?” I knew she wouldn’t give up, so I decided…(Again… tempted to end here) that her request couldn’t do much harm. I got a Gargantuan King Eater and fifteen Small Eaters to come to me. I motioned for Mutate to go into the worm. Mutate and I went into the King Eater, which was actually furnished on the inside, courtesy of me.

I sat on a couch in the worm, and Mutate sat down beside me. I commanded the King Eater to just carry us around underground until said otherwise. The Small Eaters were there to guard. I could barely feel the motion as we went along, but when I opened the map we were zipping around quite fast.

“Where should I start? Probably from the beginning, I guess. If you’re to know what went down on Earth, I should start from when my life was pretty average...

Author's Notes:

Holy shit... this took forever, but it's done now.

Next chapter is going to be a look into Earth, because I saw that some people wanted to see more of bad Earth.

See you guys next chapter, and it'll be out much faster than this one. EquestrianNecromancer signing out.

In Which My Past is Revealed(Non Canon)

Author's Note (READ THIS PLEASE): In case you didn't see the title of the chapter, this is non canon, because I realized that if I were to have this be canon, it would conflict extremely with the first chapter. I felt bad for leaving you with nothing, and as such, will give you this while I get back in the saddle, as it were.(Puns) I am now working on the next chapter and will have it out as soon as possible.

“Where should I start? Probably from the beginning, I guess. If you’re to know what went down on Earth, I should start from when my life was pretty average…

It was early on in my life, I was fourteen, and like most teenagers, extremely inexperienced. Living in a city called New York, I could have had a better upbringing. As it was, I was extremely introverted and I only had a few friends. I found solace in the internet and talking with people online. I just looked around for random things that caught my attention. I could’ve had a better upbringing, but didn’t have the chance.

Cut to a few years later, and I was almost twenty. The government decided that guns weren’t in the best interest of us Americans. There was a strict ban, and anyone caught with one was treated as if they murdered someone. People got death row for owning bigger ones. By the time the people started fighting back, it was too late. The government had rid the population of all the guns, and they herded us into megacities. I can only assume similar things happened across the rest of the world, as later on I visited over in other continents and there was no one there besides me, and the group I was with.

I was in one that was pretty alright compared to the other ones. There were at least basic amenities. One day, there was a commotion out in the street of megacity A-11. A man was out in the street screaming about the end of days.

It seemed like I started hearing him in the middle of the rant. “There will be a hail of fire, and all of us will be purged! Just you wait!” I walked up to him. He was alright looking, for being in that shitty city. He was wearing a suit, with red highlights. There were only a few tears. His hair was dark brown, and shaken up. I was a little worried for him, because if people go crazy, the guards have a shoot first, if they live, shoot again perspective.

“What are you going on about? What hail of fire? Do you want to get killed by the guards for disturbing the peace? Do you want us to lose us our rations for this week?” I really hoped he would snap out of it. He looked like he was going to continue, so I said, “Come with me, and tell me what you want to say in a reasonable tone, else we lose our food.” I led him to a dark alley. There was still a camera there, there were cameras everywhere, but no one would interrupt us.

I was originally planning on letting him tell me, and then killing him, because I didn’t want to starve for a week. I gestured at him to tell me. “You are the first person to listen to me, and heed the warning in all of the megacities I’ve visited.” There were many things going through my mind, like- “You’re wondering how I got out. I didn’t. They took me out.” I immediately knew which they he meant. :That just made you want to kill me more, so I’ll get to the point.”

“They want to have a steady population of around five hundred thousand people here on Earth. The way they plan to do it is with these cities. They are going to drop a small nuclear bomb on every megacity to remove everyone in them. I’ve always been slightly appalled by what they do, so they want to placate me. They gave me fifteen positions to fill with people in megacities, so long as they follow certain parameters.” I had no way to process the infodump he put on me.

“So, how do I gain this position?” That’s all I really wanted to know. I knew they wanted a lower population from all of the conspiracy theorists on the internet, but I always suspected different methods. Fucking nukes.

“You escape this city by nightfall tomorrow, because the bomb drops at noon the day after. If you don’t, you’re dead.” Fuck. This is gonna suck. Getting nuked would suck more though. I made myself determined, and set myself to the goal. One thing that I knew would help me was; I knew how they disposed of bodies here. Once someone came in and said there was a dead body, the guards just came in, grabbed the body and threw it in the dump outside the city.

It caused the guards to skip our meal for one week though, and those weeks sucked. I didn’t want to put the rest of them through that, but I didn’t care that much. They would do it to me, and loyalty doesn’t get you far in this world. Had there been anyone who I remotely cared about, I would have brought them with me. So that’s what led me to going to the one person who I thought could lead in my absence, however short it would be.

He didn’t like me that much, but he liked me more than he did most people. He was also a hell of a lot better that all the people who concealed hate for everyone, and most of them were like that. When I told him my plan, he was overjoyed. The plan was a little like he hits me and makes me look dead, then go to tell the guards the code that shows he was to be the next leader. I made that as a contingency plan for if I ever was killed.

Once he got a few swings off, and I wasn’t as recognizable, I lied still and waited for the guards to come grab me. I didn’t know this until I got to the new towns, but here’s what happened as the one went to talk to the guards.

Something I saw later, via some recordings was this. The guy, Dom, ran along, a smart façade of bittersweetness on his face. He ran along to the fence, and called for the guards I described. They turned around and did a double-take. They weren’t used to anyone but me coming to the fence. Everyone else was too scared of them to come near. The guards, Sergeants Newman and Feierstein walked over. All Dominic had to say was, “He’s dead, Choices have been made,” a phrase I’d made for occasions similar to this, and they got into a fury. They actually liked me, because I was a source of intelligent conversation that wasn’t scared of them. There weren’t any guards of higher or equal rank than them, so they didn’t get much conversation chances.

He led them to my body, and they called for two of their guards to bring a stretcher. Most of the people that died weren’t given the treatment I was. They did jostle me every so often and I almost forgot to keep my eyes and mouth closed because of how luxurious the ride was. The Newman closed my eyes so I couldn’t see anything anymore. The walk took a lot longer than even the guards took to take a body to the dump. They set me down in a building, I knew this because the sun stopped piercing my eyelids. They set me on the floor and walked away. I heard a familiar voice say “You can open your eyes now. I know you’re still alive. Why would the guards go through that much trouble otherwise?” I opened my eyes to look at the one who led me on this path. We were in a room that looked like the rooms I used to live in, rather than the ramshackle buildings of the mega-city.

I stood up and took a look at him, and he had cleaned himself up. His suit was now clean of any rips or tears, or at least he was in a new suit. “Again, why would you do this Mr…” I waited for him to answer me. He looked slightly pleased.

“My name is Ian Markov. I am the head of the Intercontinental Taskforce.” Wait, I thought he was displeased with the rest of them, not in charge of them. “I’m sorry that I had to lie to you, but it was the only way to get you out of there before the bomb dropped. Your guard friends are alright as well. The rest of them weren’t useful enough. You see, you have a certain thought process that I enjoy, and would bring you out of the deathzone so I could have a conversation partner who I can speak rationally with. Sadly, I can’t always have nice conversations, what with everyone around being idiots.” I don’t know whether I like that. It seems foreboding.

“You want something from me that you’re not telling me. This isn’t just for conversation.” I had had enough experience with people like him, to know he wasn’t being fully honest. His people just have a type about them.

“This is why I brought you out, most people wouldn’t question it because they’d be too happy to be alive and out of the city. You’re pessimistic, probably due to my people killing your… friend, a few years back. It was fun, watching it play out.” When I heard him say that, many thoughts ran through my head, but at the forefront, I was thinking about memories I had blocked off. Why, why her? Why did he do that? What the fuck is wrong with him? What the fuck is wrong with him?!

At that point, all I could see was red. He had fucking pissed me off. I charged at him and punched him in the face. Hard. I was not at my most rational at that point in time, as you can probably tell, and he reminded me of someone special to me. He fell backwards, onto the ground, and guards rushed into the room and grabbed my arms.

I shouted at him, because I was enraged, “What the hell is wrong with you! You fucking bastard!” By this point he stood up and walked over to me. He grabbed a Kleenex from somewhere, and dabbed at his nose with it, which was bleeding profusely.

He stepped forwards, and hit me in the torso, breaking one of my ribs and drawing a pained ‘Oof!’ sound from me. He dropped the tissue in the garbage bin by the door, and said coldly, “Take him to the medical bay. Hopefully once his rib heals he’ll be more cooperative.” The lesson, engraved fully in my mind, circled around my head, as they dragged me to the medical area: Yeah, I’ll be cooperative, don’t you worry, you dick.

Once we reached the infirmary, the people there already had an area for me, they strapped me to the table. I’d looked up how to treat rib injuries in the past, but I still couldn’t tell you what they did, because once they finished I doubted any problems were still there. I didn’t test it, but I’m pretty sure. They then took me somewhere somewhat like a prison.

They sat me down on a bed and closed the cell door. I was still thinking of the person he was talking about and how he killed her. I sat and stewed on things, and planned to do whatever the bastard wanted me to do, then once I was independant of him to just walk away. He probably thought I would just do that, but in all honesty, I didn’t care. He was a piece of shit and if I got the chance I would probably kill him. But, I wasn’t likely to get the chance. He was important.

Fucking hell. I was in the cell for less than a week, getting food three times a day, but I barely noticed the time go by, because I was in a state of half-asleep half-awake the entire time. When I am alone it’s easy for me to sleep continually, and that was probably why they let me out early. They would have kept me in there for a shorter amount of time had I seemed to have broken, or longer had I seemed I was going to break soon, but I guess they got bored of me doing nothing, and came to get me.

Ian came in alongside the guards, and he looked extremely displeased. I stirred, and looked at him. He spoke to me, and I could feel the frustration in his tone of voice. “I wish I would have known that this wouldn’t work when I first put you in here, because it would have wasted much less time.” In response, I just smirked at him.

He gestured for his guards to grab me, and they did. He led the way to another room. We had a conversation