The next time I blearily opened my eyes, the room had changed. A gentle mist was flowing through, and the decor had changed to some kind of gigantic Arabian-style harem chamber. Celestia's bed was there, and Celestia, Luna, and Derpy were still practically smothering me, but there were a bunch of new but familiar ponies resting around the bed on the dozens of pillows and cushions strewn about. They were all nude or wearing lingerie.

I could see Twilight Sparkle, Lyra, Bon Bon, Golden Harvest, Big Macintosh, Zecora, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Mrs. Cake, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Octavia, Fluttershy, Daisy, Sassaflash, a Royal Guard, Trixie, Ms. Harshwhinny, Moondancer, Twilight Velvet, Misty Fly, Surprise, Fleetfoot, Spitfire, Photo Finish, Sapphire Shores, female Hoity Toity, Eclair Crème, Midwinter Grace, and Upper Crust.

My eyes narrowed, and then I tilted my head towards Luna. "I thought I asked for a DREAMLESS sleep…" I murmured.

Luna's eyes didn't open, but she shifted slightly and let out a tired little moan. "Mmm… No such thing," she mumbled. "We always dream. There are only mornings where we don't remember. I could ensure you" – she yawned – "ahhh, don't remember this, if you like…"

I looked around, laid my head back down, and closed my eyes. "This is fine."

The day was still going strong when I woke up for real. Judging by the short, narrow shadows being cast from the windows, it was probably about noon. I was feeling better after a few hours of sleep. Still getting ready to crash after three days of exertion and stress, but better now than at sunrise.

More importantly, waking up with the knowledge that I would never have to worry about my dreams, my mind, my personal reality ever again – that was all the rejuvenation I needed.

I also kinda needed to use the bathroom.

Celestia was away, leaving Luna on one side and Derpy half-laying on top of me, her arms curled around my chest. I tried to gently pull away, but as soon as I started, Derpy's arms tightened slightly. "MY stud," she muttered, still mostly asleep. "MY hunk."

I could help but grin stupidly at the compliment (never thought I'd get genuinely called a 'hunk' in my life) and how adorable it was. "Your 'stud' has to pee, dear," I sarcastically whispered back, and pulled myself all the way out of her grasp. She made a frowny face, which just tugged at my heart, so I gave her a loving stroke along her mane. She smiled again, and I was satisfied enough to roll out of bed.

The only doors from this room led out to the balcony or back to the fireplace room, so I quietly tiptoed over to the exit and cracked it open just enough to see if there was anyone I was about to offend with my nudity.

Laying across the central rug in the next room, resting along the huge roll pillow surrounding it, was Princess Celestia, a bunch of official-looking papers levitating in front of her. The alicorn's figure was back down to the much thinner shape I'd first seen last night. She was wearing a thick bathrobe and sipping a floating, steaming cup of tea.

The Princess noticed the creaking of the door, and when she looked at me, her eyes widened with the slightest bit of surprise. It took her a second to realize I was still naked, which caused her to blush and glance aside in shame. "If…" she said haltingly, "if you want to come through, I think I can… handle it."

I took a deep breath and, hoping for the best, stepped inside. My flaccid dick and significant testes were still waving about with every step I took, and I got self-conscious. "I can get a pillow or something to cover up…"

"No no no, it's fine," Celestia said hurriedly, her eyes locked on and unable to look away. "I should get… acclimated to it anyway." Her reduced hips squirmed a bit as she stared.

Not sure how to solve this problem, I went for a distraction. "So, uh… what're you working on?"

Grateful for the diversion, Celestia tore her eyes away and went back to scribbling a quill on several scrolls, alternating between them. "Some preparatory measures," she said, taking a loud, nervous slurp of tea. "One of them is halting Joe's distribution of semen-based products…"

"Aww," I said involuntarily. My sexual changes to Canterlot weren't going to stick…

"…until the Royal Food Administration can conduct a study on the properties and health effects of semen and breastmilk as ingredients, so that regulations can be put into place. Their nutritional content, whether it's fattening, nutritious, or not very substantive at all, might depend on the diet of the provider – it will have to be measured regularly and communicated to customers. If a provider distributes their own 'product' while they're sick, for example, they'll have to be held accountable. Then, of course, if they make 'excess,' how will it be stored? Things like that. So this decree will suspend Joe's public distribution until that process is complete, which will take a few months."

"Oh!" I said. Well, that was… perfectly reasonable, actually. Wouldn't want ponies getting sick because of some perverted, last-minute idea I put together to stave off imminent mind-death.

Celestia floated up another scroll. "This is a proposal for regular mental health surveys and performance evaluations for the Wonderbolts as they try their new 'stress relief' policy." Then another scroll. "This is a call for public surveys in all towns weighing in on the issue of 'public toplessness vs. minimization enchantments.'" Another scroll. "This is a commendation to Lieutenant Rook for his valiant service and discerning judgment." Another. "And this… this is a letter to my nephew, Blueblood. I didn't realize he was doing so badly."

I was a little rooted in place by her thoroughness. "So… you're… KEEPING the stuff I did?"

The Princess's face was neutral as she considered all the documents. "I've been so afraid of sex in society that I really don't know how the best way to start integrating it. So I'm using the things you've done as a testbed."

"Huh, okay. Still, the sex part aside – anyone ever tell you you're scary-good at your job?"

"Often. I don't ever believe them, but I like it when ponies appreciate the work I do." Celestia stared into the cold fireplace. "Beneath the… curves and the… sordid past, the reality is I'm kind of a boring old lady. A doting great-aunt with a schedule for everything."

"Well, I was always taught to respect my elders, so…"

"You could have fooled me, the way you stormed up here."

"Hey, I was in your corner in the end, wasn't I?"

The half-hearted attempts at humorous jabs instead opened up a tense, awkward silence. There was a great big elephant in the room, and it had to do with what happened last night, as well as the future. We both looked down at our respective bodies, thinking of all the troubles they were causing each other.

Celestia then looked at me and said, "I must confess something. When I woke up this morning, I'd spent so much time breathing your pheromones I… I woke up completely soaked, and had to take care of myself for half an hour." The Princess's head drooped. "I'm very, very afraid, Pascal. Not rationally. I can't stress enough, this is the first time I've EVER had hope of overcoming this part of me. And your power is still comforting me, preventing me from falling completely into despair. I trust you after your selflessness this morning. And yet… I feel like there are so many ways this could go wrong."

My head drooped. "I understand that."

"I know you used 'therapy' as a way to re-contextualize last night and help me reclaim my mind. And part of me was hoping that we could find a way for you to continue… But I never formally asked you. Knowing what you know, seeing how deep these scars run… Do you still want to help?"

I nodded. "I do. I absolutely do." With a sigh, I added, "I pity you, Celestia. I'd hate to meet the guy that can hear your story and NOT feel sorry for you. What you're going through is absolute torture, and if I can do anything to help…"

Celestia smiled for just a moment before looking worried again. "Be honest: Do you think it's possible to… save me?"

I took a deep breath; that was a doozy of a question. "Well… Them's some deep scars. You're over a millenium old, I'm some schlub in my mid-twenties. You're carrying the world on your shoulders – I got to feel that weight yesterday, and I'm not sure I ever want to get used to it." I gave her a little shrug. "But… maybe it's the fact that I'm still here after a hopeless confrontation, but I'm feeling optimistic. It might take the rest of my natural lifespan, but I think we can turn this around. As long as we keep at it, stay respectful, that sort of thing."

The smile on the Princess's face returned. "I'm glad you believe so. Truly, I am. It gives me hope."

That made me feel a little better, too. But now that I was more awake, I was starting to runneth over with questions of my own. "Is there anything else you want to ask me?" I said first. She shook her head. "Well, can I ask you a few things, then?"

Celestia's face fell slightly – she was just up and down today, wasn't she? "You… You may." Her eyes focused on my exposed dick again, and her voice slowly lowered to nearly a whisper. "Just… keep in mind I'm about six minutes away from jumping your bones…"

I grimaced at the prospect of her losing control again. "Ah. You're saying we should keep our distance until I get cured."

"If we can manage it," the Princess squeaked. "We don't know how long it will take. I might be unable to resist getting a 'fix' before then."

"Well, it's not like I'll be able to stop ya if you go full sexual rampage again," I muttered, then shook my head. "Y'know, you shouldn't give yourself an excuse like that. Just in principle. Y'know, stay strong."

"This IS me staying strong," Celestia insisted, her eyes still not leaving my junk. "In front of a human cock, this is the strongest I've ever been."

That was a little frightening. "Okay… Lightning round, then." I went over to the desk at the side of the room, pulled out the Princess-sized chair and sat in it backwards, partially hiding my junk. "First question: How does the Masters' banishing fit with the rest of history? Like, up to Hearth's Warming and the founding of Equestria."

Celestia took a deep breath as she recalled back an unbelievable number of years, though her eyes were still locked on the back of the chair like she was trying to see through it. "My sister and I thought that the rest of the ponies should handle their own affairs, so we became hermits of a sort. Adventuring through the lands to protect ponies from rising threats, since the Masters no longer had a stranglehold on the more dangerous creatures and magicks." Despite herself, she smiled a little. "That was a fun century. Then Star Swirl the Bearded asked us to uphold the newfound harmony between the three tribes, and we eventually accepted."

Interesting enough. Time for a harder question. "Did you really think I was one of the Masters in disguise, just with their power suppressed? Do you really think they'd have the patience to put themselves through what I went through? Is that why you used a truth spell on me?"

"That, and to eliminate some other possibilities," Celestia admitted, finally managing to look away from me. "And yes, I couldn't shake that fear from my mind. We haven't seen humans in 1300 years. We don't know if they still value Equestria, if they're plotting revenge, or if they just gave up on us. All I can do is form conspiracy theories on how they might infiltrate this world and undo their banishment. Not healthy, but nothing about this is."

"Mm. So… If you thought I was such a threat from the start…"

"Why didn't I kill you?"

The way she said it sent a chill down my spine. "Uh, sure, let's go with that." Macabre as it may be, it was a valid question.

Celestia smiled wryly. "A rationalization. Ironic, isn't it? I was nearly about to, then I thought, 'If he is one of the Masters incognito, he can give us intel about what they've been up to for 1300 years.' So I didn't. Then Twilight took such a personal interest in you. If I'd taken you out then, I would have had to explain and show her all of this. The rest is… well, you know how it turned out."

I would've been a little bit more scared, hearing about how I almost died three weeks ago, but after this morning's life-or-death struggle I was feeling particularly hardened. "Alright then," was all I said to that. The next question that came to mind was possibly even more sensitive, though. "Don't you think it's about time to tell the world the truth? You've got a lot of ponies wondering why you've put them through the things you have. You might think it would discourage them, but I think it would at least give them a reason why–"

"Six to eight weeks."

"…Huh?"

The radiant sun goddess took a deep breath and exhaled sharply, like she was letting go of a massive weight. "I didn't destroy all of the records. They're in a top-secret vault. I… wanted to be able to point Twilight towards them if the Masters ever invaded." She stared off into space again. "I'll reintroduce the materials into circulation in strategic locations where certain historians will find them. Eventually, they'll consult each other and put the pieces together. The story will circulate in local news, then break into national news as the 'theory' gains cohesiveness and relevance. Shortly after, the public will demand a comment from me and Luna. I will admit to its entire truth and show them what the Masters did to me." She glanced at me with a cold, calculating eye. "If I start this Thursday, all of that will take six to eight weeks."

I was even more stunned than before. It was frightening to see a chessmaster at work. "SCARY-good at your job," I repeated quietly.

Celestia shrugged her shoulders. "I've always WANTED to tell them, but my fear held me back."

"And you can't just… tell them… today?"

"If I went out and dumped all the evidence, all the information in one lump report," Celestia countered, "it would be too much. My way gives the public more time to process it organically, as well as something for my critics to hold against me and seek momentary catharsis with. That way, when I ask for pity later, they'll be more open to my side of the story."

I wasn't entirely sure if that was the best way to go about this, but I didn't have a counter-argument against the millennium-old alicorn. All I could say was, "What do you think Luna will think of that plan?"

She considered for a moment, then smirked a little and said, "She'll probably go behind my back and give the historians subtle hints in their dreams, speeding up the process. So it will take closer to six weeks than eight."

"Is there ANYTHING you can't freaking predict?" I asked exasperatedly.

"Now you understand the frustration of my aides," she joked. The Princess softened her expression and added, "I WILL be telling Twilight and the other Elements as soon as possible, though. Rarity will already be in Canterlot for Fashion Week. I could summon them as early as tomorrow morning. Though I'll probably wait until the evening; I'd like to have Luna's support when we do this."

"Y'know," I added, "there's some other people, too. Trixie, Moondancer, and Spitfire fought hard for me to even get here. Lyra in Ponyville, she's practically obsessed with humans; she needs to know. And Bon Bon, I mean Sweetie Drops? How much did she put on the line to serve you with minimal intel?"

With a pained look, Celestia said, "Fine. I'll invite them, too. So long as they can be trusted not to tell anypony before… before we're ready to go official."

"I'm sure they'll just be happy to know what the hell this was all about."

She let out a defeated sigh and shivered. "Any other questions? Your pheromones are starting to permeate the room."

It was time to cut this short, then. I still had plenty of questions about… well, everything, but it was clear this wouldn't be my last chance to ask them. "Alright. Where's your bathroom? I still kinda need to go, and probably shower too."

"That would be for the best," Celestia said with a relieved sigh. Her horn lit up, and in a flash of light, a set of double-doors appeared embedded in the wall near me.

Confused, I stood up from the chair and opened the doors. Based on the placement, it should have opened to outside the tower, but instead they revealed a massive private bathroom – probably designed for Celestia's true size.

I had to ask. "You use a portal door to go to your private bathroom?"

"I meet a lot of important ponies in these chambers," Celestia replied. "It would be hard to conceal my true nature if the place where I wash my whole body was easily accessible and right next door."

I put one foot through the doorway – and it felt like I was crossing a mile in a single step – but one last thing nagged at me. Looking back, I asked, "You really never told this to anyone else? Never shared your bed with a single stallion? Or mare?"

With a heavy sigh, she replied, "In desperate moments, and with very persistent ponies who proved they really cared about me, I have laid with a lover very, VERY discreetly." She looked away in shame. "But the Masters made it difficult for me to be… satisfied by a pony."

My eye twitched. "Oh. Sorry." I hastily walked through the doors and shut them behind me. Not only was that depressing, hearing that you were soon to be an immortal goddess's only consistent source of orgasms was… intimidating.

Celestia's private bathroom was, again, immense. The tub alone looked like it belonged to a spa or a whole bathhouse, but it was pretty obviously designed for the Princess to wash her massive, perverted body. But a section of it had some sliding curtains and a separate showerhead, so it also seemed like she could use just part of it when she was in her 'restrained' size. Besides that, there was a fancy-looking toilet, and a row of mirrors above a marble sink – with so many feminine products on the counter that it took me a second to find the water knobs.

I took care of my hygiene as quickly as I could. I awkwardly discovered the wonders of enchanted toilet paper. I fumbled with the bizarre array of soaps, shampoos, conditioners arranged near the walls of the shower. After that, I gave my hair a quick comb and called it a day.

The image of myself in the mirror still looked tired. It had been a very long three and a half days. Yet, I didn't hate the man I was looking at as much as I used to. I looked alright. Now that the weight was sheared off, I needed to put on some mass and muscle with proper diet and exercise, but that was something to look forward to rather than dread. I had a fresh start. Not just for my body, but for just about everything.

I thought back to everyone I owed a debt to for getting here. Derpy, Trixie, Moondancer, Spitfire, Lyra, Twilight, Discord…

Discord.

I needed to do something about him.

I got onto my knees on the tiled bathroom floor and prostrated myself, lowering my head almost all the way to the ground. "Thank you, Discord," I prayed solemnly, "for this glorious blessing. I am endlessly grateful."

There was a flash of light, and the sound of water running from the shower filled the room. I raised my head, and the curtains were drawn, silhouetting the shadow of a draconequus wearing a shower cap and scrubbing himself with a brush.

"Do you think Celly will mind if I borrow her horn polish?" the Spirit of Chaos asked casually, picking up a bottle from the edge of the bath. "My antler is SUCH a hassle to maintain."

I tried to get his attention. "Mpphh-hhrrrm!" My eyes narrowed; my mouth was sealed with a strip of duct tape. Again.

Discord pulled back the shower curtain just enough to poke his head through and glare at me. "Oh, what, do you want me to throw you a parade?! Congratulations, you're a winner! But unless the next words out of your mouth are 'You, Discord, are immune to my power forever,' I don't want to hear it!" He closed the curtains and grumbled, "I already have enough Normal and Acceptable words drilling into my skull, thank you very much."

I tugged at the edge of the tape. Painfully, it wouldn't come off. "Mmhmm!" I hummed loudly through the adhesive and fabric.

Discord shut off the water and peeked around the curtain again. "Was that an affirmative grunt I just heard?"

I nodded vigorously. "Mmhmm."

The draconequus's eyes narrowed. "You do realize what idea you're communicating, right? Freeing me from your influence… Forfeiting the ability to stop me from ruining your life with Chaos… Are you ABSOLUTELY sure that's what you mean?"

I nodded again, very clearly and deliberately.

Discord's eyes widened, and then he tipped his head sideways over the water and started smacking his claw against his upper ear. One by one, blocky blue letters – physical letters of the alphabet – tumbled out of his lower ear and into the water, all spelling out the imperatives I'd imposed upon him the day after the mob. Letter after letter fell into the water and dissolved into powder, staining the water a deep sea blue.

When the last letter wriggled out of his ear, Discord pulled his head up and shook it vigorously. "Woo! Hrrbrbrbrbr! MUCH better." Then his eyes glowed red, a sick sneer split his face, and his claw raised up with two fingers pressed together as he looked towards me. "Now…!"

Snap!

I ducked and covered my head as the reality-warping flash filled the room. I peeked up, wondering if he'd teleported me to some nightmare dimension to take revenge on me for filling his head with Normal commands…

But no, I was still in the bathroom. Discord was out of the shower with a towel around his draconic waist and another wrapped around his horns.

"What?" he asked innocently. "I didn't say I WOULD ruin your life with Chaos… Just that by releasing me you'd have to accept the risk."

I got up to a kneeling position and tugged at the duct tape over my mouth again. It finally started to peel off, which caused me no small amount of agony.

"Although if I'm honest, this works out better for you in the long run," Discord admitted, grabbing a nail file off the counter and sharpening his claws. "Normal magic and Chaos magic do not get along. Having just a little bit inside me would've driven me insane over time. And who knows what would happened to you then?"

I rubbed my face and said, "Yeah, I had a feeling it was like that."

Discord let out a contented sigh. "It's so nice to hear you speak without internally cringing at every Normal word." He waved the nail file at me with a stern expression. "Don't think this suddenly makes us friends, though! Just because you undid the pain doesn't mean I forgot you caused it."

Weirdly, I found that comforting, like it was the first thing about today that made sense. Celestia and the others had been so nice about me unfucking my fuck-up that it had put me off a little bit. "FINALLY someone gets it," I remarked.

With a chuckle, the draconequus said, "Right? It's amazing what these ponies will forgive and forget the moment you say you're 'reformed.'" He considered himself in the mirror and tossed off the towel on his head – it started barking and running around the room. "But then again…" he mused, "if they didn't, I'd still be a statue, you'd be the most boring pony in all of existence, and neither of us would have any friends. So what do we know?" He idly tugged at his beard, like he was wondering if he should trim it.

The towel-dog ran up to me and tried to climb up onto my chest. I shooed it off. It growled, then whined, then leaped up to the towel rack and folded up normally. I got to my feet and dusted off my knees, then looked up at Discord and said, "But really… Thank you, Discord. Seriously."

Discord eyed me critically. "Hmm… Your thanks aren't as sweet as Fluttershy's. But they're not as begrudged as Twilight's." He shrugged. "I'll take it." He picked up a magical hair-dryer and proceeded to blow it across his eyebrows, his goatee, and the puff of fur at the end of his tail. Then he set it down and added, "Speaking of… Fluttershy had nothing but nice things to say after that party of yours, so it sounds like you didn't treat her like a total cow. I appreciate that immensely – this would be a very different conversation otherwise. And I hope for your sake you keep up that respectful attitude around her. Understand?"

"Yeah, absolutely," I said contritely. I was suddenly really glad I had tried to at least temper my lusts with decency all this time. Who could've guessed that Discord would end up being the final judge of my whole adventure? Of course, then a slightly disturbing thought occurred to me. "You didn't… watch, did you?"

"AAAAHAHAHAHAAA!" Discord burst into laughter, floating into the air. His lower towel slid off, thankfully revealing nothing but his dry, featureless lower body. "WHAT?! You think I would…?! Bwaaahahahaheeheeheehee!" He wiped a tear from his eye. "Pascal, Pascal, naive little Pascal… I know your mind is blown by all the big tiddies, but seriously. When you've had a foursome with a three-headed Anubian demigoddess, the concept of entropy personified, and an android from the future powered by a sentient singularity, THEN we can talk about 'sexual conquests.'" He didn't make air-quotes with his fingers, but a pair of quotation marks appeared next to his head and bobbed in time with the last two words before disappearing.

It was hard to hold a conversation with Discord without being rendered speechless every few sentences, I discovered. "So… uh… the sex doesn't interest you?"

"Eh, it's chaotic," Discord said with a shrug. "It's going against the status quo. I'm fine with that. No, I'm more interested in all the subtle perversions you've inflicted on society since I stopped watching." He landed and raised up a hand in the snapping position. "In fact, I'm going to go for a walk and check it all out. I imagine I have a LOT to catch up on."

"Wait wait," I said quickly, putting my hands up. "Can I ask just a couple more basic questions?"

The draconequus's eyes narrowed. "Fine, but only so that we can talk about something more interesting next time. Fire away."

"So… how do you fit into the Masters timeline? Did you know about them?"

Discord checked his claw absently. "They were before me, so I'm not interested." He frowned in thought, then added, "Well, I suppose there's one thing. Without their total control of all magics… Well, I won't spoil my whole origin story, but let's just say that events unraveled that allowed Chaos magic to run free and eventually create ME!" He grinned. "And isn't the world a better place for it? So much more interesting."

I chuckled nervously. "Y'know, you're not even wrong."

"Ha! See, someone gets it!" He shook his head in mild amazement. "Are we actually getting along? The Spirit of Chaos and the Avatar of Acceptance? Imagine that."

"So… Did you know about Celestia's… thing? Did she ever ask you to use your powers to change her body?"

"Oh, I knew. Found out pretty quickly once I assumed power. It was fun for a little while to torment both her and Luna with it. Alas, my powers can't cause permanent physical changes in living beings – and they don't need to! I usually get bored and change it to something else well before the reversion time is up. Celestia never asked me after I reformed, but I think she already knew I couldn't help with that. Or she just didn't want to bring it up. Either way."

That was all pretty illuminating, and worrying. If Discord couldn't do it, and a thousand years of magical advances hadn't solved it, was there really no way to give Celestia a more reasonable body? "Okay, last question," I said. "…Did you know all this would happen?"

"Pffff," he scoffed. "I'm not Celestia. I'm not a chessmaster. Why do people keep thinking I come up with these insanely complicated contingency plans??"

"Um… I seem to remember something about 'plunderseeds'…?"

"Oh, that." Discord waved me off. "Look, I REALLY didn't know what was going to happen – that was the fun of it! I mean, any idiot could have guessed you'd use it to relieve your lusts on the populace. Any moron could figure out that a confrontation between you and Celestia would be close behind. Any IMBECILE could have supposed that having pony magic inside a human would cause trouble! I just didn't expect the resurgences to happen so quickly…" His tone softened. "And I sure didn't expect you to find some kind of happy middle ground in all of that."

The Spirit of Chaos raised his fingers.

"I didn't think you'd make it. I honestly thought you'd have your little rampage and then get blasted with a rainbow or something. But you exceeded all expectations. I'm proud, Pascal," he said with utter sincerity. "I'm really, really proud."

Snap! And in a flash of light, he was gone.

I stood there silently in Celestia's private bathroom, after a heartfelt discussion with Discord, and I was about to go back out and continue living my life as some kind of human demigod in Equestria. Now that he was gone, I remembered that there were still a couple of questions I'd like to ask, but… I guess we were on good enough terms that I could ask him some other time, if we crossed paths again.

"Welcome to my weird-ass life," I muttered to myself, and went back through the door.

I was back in Celestia's study, but she was no longer around. Not sure what else to do, I quietly opened the door back to the bedroom and poked my head in. The bed was completely empty. But the balcony doors were ajar, and there were two faint shadows cast onto the doors.

I tried to sneak closer to listen in, but I was noticed well before then, and Derpy opened the door preemptively. "Hey, Pasky!" she greeted me. "Good morning!"

Luna was the other person on the balcony, yawning and rubbing her eyes. Her figure was back to being reduced, too. "Grrm mrrnng," she grumbled. She lightly smacked her cheek and said, "I was just offering my… sincere gratitude to your friend for…" She yawned again. "…her role in all this…"

"We didn't wake you up, did we?" I asked.

"'m fine," Luna mumbled, stepping past me. "Tia's bed is way too SOFT. So I'm gonna go, arrange private quarters for you two, and then go back to my room, where my bed is FIRM, like they USED to be…"

"Can we have the same room??" Derpy asked eagerly. "We have a lot of catching up to do."

The princess of the night looked back at her and raised an eyebrow. "It's… really not wise for you to expose yourself to his fluids for a while…"

Derpy saluted. "I promise not to take any of his cum into my body until he's cured, ma'am!"

Luna gave her a bewildered look, but shrugged tiredly and continued to stalk off. "Have thy way…"

We waited until Luna left the bedroom and closed the door behind her, and then Derpy grinned at me. "Which means we can still do titfucking," she said conspiratorially.

I couldn't help but smirk back. "Which is good, because then I can give you–"

"–boobgasms," we said simultaneously, and laughed.

I stepped out fully onto the balcony. It overlooked the back part of the palace and had a great view of the northern part of Equestria's valleys. There was a telescope set along the railing, no doubt magically enchanted for monitoring and observation.

"I wonder if some journalist is going to snap pictures of us and start a rumor about Celestia," I thought aloud.

"I think there's laws against photography of these parts of the castle," Derpy replied. "So we're fine."

We looked at each other.

"So," I said.

"So…" she said.

We turned to face each other, the midday sun beating down on us. "What do we do now?" I asked the blonde, busty pegasus mare. "About us. Going forward. How do we handle that?"

Derpy shrugged and blushed. "I dunno. About the same as we have so far?" I sighed a little, and she leaned in comfortingly. "Unless you're not comfortable with that?"

"I… I dunno," I mumbled, except I did know. "I'm worried that… that I'll leave you behind somehow. Break your heart, that sort of thing. I don't… think I'm gonna stop having sex with a bunch of mares… and frankly, at this point, it's starting to look like my job description."

"That's fine," she said, and I grimaced. "No, it really is! A lot of mares are like me – and stallions, really – they've got all these desires, and they can see them come true through you! How can I be mad about that when you're literally making those ponies happier, not just yourself?"

"Because in any sane universe, it would be cheating?" I said bluntly.

"We're not really, like, a monogamous couple, though. I didn't get involved with you expecting that." Derpy stepped back and spread her hands wide, laughing exasperatedly. "I mean, goodness – if you say that you're gonna have sex with a lot of mares, that this is going to be an open relationship or a poly relationship, or you're gonna make a harem… That's not discouraging, that's exciting! That sounds new and fun and… and just great! I don't know if it's gonna work any better than you do, but it sounds like it's gonna be FUN while we try! That is, unless you're gonna be totally unfair and say you can have a ton of extra sex but I can't."

"No, no, I wasn't."

"I mean, I'm just the derpy mailmare from Ponyville, and now I have a chance to be some kinda sex goddess!" Derpy exclaimed, then suddenly panicked and put up her hands. "N-Not that I view you like some kinda meal ticket or anything! I'm not some… some power version of a gold-digger… Though the amount of power you have IS really hot…" She shook her head and collected herself. "But what I'm saying is: I think you can have that kind of relationship and still be somepon- someone special in each other's lives! You know what I mean?"

"I think I do," I said quietly. I took a long breath; despite her encouraging words, I wasn't feeling much better. "Look, Derpy… Before we go any further, I need to tell you about MY past relationship."

Derpy treated me with 100% seriousness and settled into determined listening mode. It was adorable. "Mm-hmm."

"Okay…" I muttered, my throat suddenly dry. "Back on Earth… I had a girlfriend. She had to move away, and I was too poor to follow her, so we kept it up over long-distance. Y'know, eventually hoping that we'd get back together. Then… my career imploded, and I… retracted into my shell, as it were. Didn't really talk to anyone much. Even her."

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. This memory wasn't made any better by the fact that she and the rest of the planet I once called home was gone, forever.

"A few months later… She sent a message: 'I can't wait for you anymore.' And that was it. I strung her along until she couldn't take it anymore." I looked at Derpy sadly and said, "I'm just worried I'll do something like that to you. String you along and ignore you until…" I trailed off.

Derpy slowly stepped forward and hugged me, burying her muzzle into my shoulder. "Thank you for telling me."

"Thanks for listening…"

Then she stepped back, her hands still on my hips. "I understand. That's the kind of thing that makes a relationship really scary. If you don't want to go as far as 'special someone'… I'd be really, really happy to just be best friends. Because either way," she said with a warm smile, "whether you're ready for me or not, you're my best friend, Pascal. But I don't want to force you into something you don't really want."

What did I really want? "Truth is…" I mumbled, my voice still a little rough, "I DO want something special. I DO want someone in my life I can share this with. Someone who…" My voice wavered, and I had to start blinking away tears. "Someone who is smart and understanding… Someone who can be my rock…" I laughed a little and added, "Someone who can cut through my bullshit…" She giggled at that too. "And someone who… stops my thoughts from… spiraling in their usual carousel whenever I'm alone. Fact is, Derpy… I'm better when I'm around you. And I wanna… And I wanna keep being better."

Derpy looked like she was about to break down from happiness. "And I want someone who is thoughtful… who cares about what I say and think… who makes me feel special without making me feel like a freak… and knows what it's like to be down in the dumps like me. Know anyone like that?"

We laughed together and cried a little together.

Then Derpy said, "I love you, Pascal."

With incredible hesitation, I managed to force out, "I… I love you too, Derpy." So quiet it was almost a whisper, I also said, "I'm just worried my love is cheaper than you think it is."

Derpy leaned in. "Let's find out then," she whispered back, and then kissed me.

I kissed back.

We kissed.

I don't want to say fireworks went off or anything, but looking back, the last full-on kiss on the lips I'd gotten had to have been from Blueblood out of nowhere, which had just been confusing and felt like nothing. Before that, it had been Rarity at the topless party. While that had been amazing in its own right, this was so much different. It wasn't even the kiss that was special, I realized. All those romances made it look like the kiss was the important part, when in fact it was just the last step in a dance – the final note in a song – the last word of a long conversation.

I'm not sure when, but we pulled back. Full of ardor and newfound confidence, I said, "Well, I'm on board. All speed ahead for this crazy, crazy relationship."

"It should be fun," Derpy agreed. "And worst comes to worst, as long as we're honest with each other, I'm sure we can stay good friends. Either way, I don't think I'll regret going on this journey with you."

I finally allowed myself to be comforted by her words, but something occurred to me at the last minute. "You're still under my power, aren't you…"

"Yeah, but I meant every word–"

"No, I know. I trust that. It's more what you said earlier, about how you had to struggle to see past the new status quo sometimes, to see things compared to how they normally were."

Derpy shook her head. "It's fine. Isn't your power also the thing that makes me so comfortable with myself? I don't want to trade that for anything."

I thought back to Moondancer. I wasn't worried that the power was pushing her mind towards some unstable state, but you never know. And it seemed terribly inconvenient for her to have to work so hard to peek behind the curtain. I reached my hands up to her shoulders and said, "Let me try something."

"Don't… make me immune," she said worriedly. "Luna told me how you tried that with the girls yesterday. I appreciate that, but… Like I said…"

"No no, this is different," I insisted, and placed both hands on her cheeks.

For a moment, I thought hard about what exactly I wanted to say. I knew that this power could be shaped by my own words, but I wanted these words to be precise.

"You…" I said at last, "are immune to the perception-altering forces of my power, and can judge things based on your usual standards."

"Pascal…"

"BUT." I gave her a hopeful smile. "The gentle voice in your mind telling you that you're… that you're beautiful… smart… adorable… sexy… just the way you are… That stays. That will ALWAYS stay."

My hands were briefly covered in blue light that spread into Derpy's temple, and I pulled back in shock.

"Woah, did you see that? Did my hands just glo–"

Derpy kissed me again, her arms hooked under mine and her wings flapping. My feet quickly left the ground, and I kissed back and held on for dear life as she smooched me about a foot above the balcony.

Then a stern, regal voice said, "Art thou lovebirds quite done?" We gently landed and looked sheepishly at Luna, who looked even grumpier than when she'd left. "We hath arranged quarters so that thou can get on with your honeymoon FUCK."

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, when you put it like that…"

"'Tis 12:30 PM," Luna grumbled. "Too early for sugar-coating."

Derpy stepped towards the balcony door, holding onto my hand. "Shall we?"

I didn't follow immediately, refusing to get pulled along, just staying rooted in place. I had one of those moments, y'know, where I felt like my life was about to start a new chapter, and this was the moment I would cross the threshold. The kind of moment that makes you take stock of everything. I actually started to chuckle, then laugh even harder.

"Is something amusing to thee?" Luna muttered.

"Yeah… everything," I said, holding my stomach. "Well, not 'amusing,' but more… amazing. I'll tell you later. Okay, let's go."

Because, I mean, come on. Here I was, at the end of a long mind-control sex romp of an adventure, filled with orgies, sex slaves, near-brainwashing, all sorts of gray morality… And yet, because I was in Equestria, of COURSE I still managed to make friends and learn to be a better person.

Fucking ponies, right?

Author's Notes:

thank you for reading my first-ever sex story