Happy birthday, Fluttershy.

That's what it should've been for you. Happy, joyful, full of a wondrous remembrance of the life you live and the lives you touched and saved and...

I mean...it was just that...but the air was cold.

Everyone caught wind of what happened just the day before. Everyone heard how he was frustrated and sad and full of emotion, like he didn't know what to feel or how to feel in the moment. He never told anyone what I wrote down - even he believed he wouldn't, couldn't be that cruel.

But he stopped talking to me. I mean, he tried. He really tried to just shut me out, at least for a while. But no matter what, no matter what he did, I was right there, trying to get him to say something to me - something nice. I was hoping he would just look at me and tell me, "I forgive you."

That never happened.

Your birthday was filled with laughter and smiles from everyone, but as soon as anyone caught a whiff of me or him being near one another, that feeling...it died down, if just for a short while.

I ruined your birthday. I'm sorry, I truly am.

You deserved to be happier that day.

But I had to be me. I had to be me and forget to throw out my trash. I had to be me and let my emotions take over. I had to be me and say what I thought, say what I felt needed to be said.

I had to be me.

And I wish I never did.

I...

I want to make this right. Somehow, someway.

I just want things to go back to the way they were.

I want him back.

A few days have passed since him and I said anything to each other - or rather, since we saw each other. I've stayed cooped up in my home, feeding Tank. Feeding myself. Other than that, I haven't done much.

I only called in sick for one day. I knew I was risking my job for a stupid reason after that. All for a stallion...

They should've fired me a while ago.

After the long days at work, I go home, lay Tank on my chest, and listen to the radio, whether it's talk of Manehattan, or music playing on loop. I would only be at ease for a short time. After everyone found out what happened, they were all trying to comfort us. Some would say I deserved it.

They were right.

But today, I didn't go home, or at least, I didn't stay home. Today, all I wanted to do was talk to him, and just tell him the truth. I knew that even he knew he was being arrogant. Nopony could ever keep a grudge for so long over something so...something he doesn't fully understand yet.

He's talked to Twilight a few times. Maybe she told him?

No. I hope she hadn't. I deserve to tell him. It's...only right.

As soon as I was home, I made sure Tank would be okay for the while, and left my home. It was a breezy day, but there wasn't a hint of a cloud in the sky - at least, not for the next hour or so. I could see storm clouds gathering far, far away, but they posed no danger to me, or anypony right now, if at all.

It took me a short minute to reach his house the quick way, by air. I landed softly at the front door and gave it a few knocks. At first, I heard nothing. Not a peep, not a tread of muffled steps, nothing. I could tell from out here if a light was on, and there was only just one - the lamp closest to the door. Someone was in there, it was obvious.

But then a few seconds passed, and I could finally hear the sound of approaching steps. When the door opened, it wasn't him, but Aqua Lilly. She knew. She wasn't furious, and she didn't hate me. She was just...disappointed.

"...Hey," I said to her with a hesitant tone.

"Hey," she answered back, her tone a bit more positive, but still near the same level.

"Can I...come in for a sec? I just wanna-"

"He's not here," she interrupted me.

"Are you just saying that to make me leave, or is he really not here?" It wasn't a rude question, just honest.

"He left a while back," she told me. "He...said he wanted to be alone for a bit. Last I heard, he was heading on over to some cliff-side just outside town. I think it called...Lover's Point or something like that-"

"Lookout' Point?" I corrected her, and she gave a nod. "Okay. Um...thanks."

"You're gonna go talk to him, aren't you?"

I gave her a slow, nervous nod. She answered it with a small smile, faint.

"Look, I...I know it's none of my business or anything, but...I hope you make things right. I hate seeing him sulk anymore."

"Yeah. Me too."

Lilly and I exchanged our goodbyes, and like that, I was off to Lookout Point. It used to be a place on the cliff-side where couples all over town used to "express their love." I always dreaded hearing about how all the young high school ponies or even the grown ones would hang out and talk about how "romantic" it was.

But now the Point is nothing more than a tourist attraction that was abandoned years ago. The only time anyone ever comes up here is to...well...something close to what once was.

And now it's getting a second visitor today.

The flight from his house to the Point took only a couple of minutes, and that was merely at half the fastest speed I've gone. I was in no rush. In fact, I was beyond nervous about this. What would he say to me? Would he even say anything, or would I be wasting twenty minutes of my life having a one-way conversation?

There was only one way to find out.

After the time came and went, I touched down at the popular spot, my hooves making contact with the soft stone pavement. The place was littered with signs of decay, all the way down to the plants growing through the cracks of the concrete. At this point, its only importance was to have its photo taken.

I spent a minute looking around the place, trying to find him. I checked the only building in the area that used to be a cafe, but it had run out of customers long ago. He was nowhere in sight, so I only resorted to keep looking. It wasn't until I took a peak towards the edge of the Point, towards the balcony that looked over the valley, that I found him.

He stood, peering over the edge, staring out towards the landscape that presented all of Ponyville, and even had a perfect sight of Canterlot. He was calm, like he was in thought - deep thought. He didn't look up into the sky or down to the ground. He just looked forward, not paying much attention to his surroundings.

Didn't even look at me when I made enough noise to make myself known.

"I saw you flying over here," he said, the first thing to me in days. "I don't know if you were trying to sneak or..."

I shook my head, even though he couldn't have seen it. "I didn't want to sneak. I just wanted to talk."

"Then you...you don't mind if I ask you something, then - do you?"

"No. I don't mind."

He was silent for a moment, and it looked like he was thinking over asking whatever it was he wanted to ask. I already knew his question. It was something I knew couldn't be avoided any longer.

"Who is Grace?"

And there it was.

With a deep breath, I walked over and stood up on my own hind legs, peering out over the valley with him. I looked at him, and after a moment, he looked at me. His eyes held that look of...betrayal. But I couldn't see anger, or maybe I could read them that well to see it. But he was curious. He wanted to know.

So I told him - and I intended to say as much as I possibly could.

"Grace was a stallion back in high school. I was fourteen when we met. His full name was Graceful Step. Basically, he was good at keeping quiet. He was quick to fall in love with me. You know, a crush. Every day, he would send me love letters and poems and all these different letters asking me out, just hoping I would say yes.

"Every single time, I told him, "No, no, no," and he just kept on asking me, like the next time was gonna be any different...like the next time I was just gonna say yes after the five-hundred NOs."

With a sigh, I changed my pose to rest on my elbow, looking at him better, and went on.

"Seven years ago, I went to a party. I was the most popular one there, everyone knew me. He was...also there." I eyed the ground, then lifted them up again. "By then, I was already sick of seeing his face. Always peering over corners, listening to me talk, just...everywhere I went, he was just...there.

"So, like...like always, he was there - at the party, trying to...get me to go out with him."

My eyes looked away from him again, and my mouth hung open, like I was hanging on a word, and I continued to eye the ground as I told him:

"And I just...freaked out at him. I told him I was sick of his shit, his...annoying...face. I told him I would never feel the same way...never. I told him to go away, leave me alone...just go away."

The last few words died down to a whisper. I didn't look up at him for several moments. I froze, not wanting to say more.

But I needed to. I had to.

"And then he raped me."

His face...the way he looked at me...

"He drugged me...tied me down to the bed and just...had his way with me."

I could feel a pained 'snap' in my head as the memories poured into my head. The feeling of the bed, the ropes...Grace. The pain, the hopelessness - knowing so many ponies were close by, and yet so far away.

"Could you ever imagine laying in a bed for almost an hour, on your stomach, tied and held down against your will, with somebody on top of you just...using you? And you can't even stop it? You're forced to just...take it and wait for it to end?"

He didn't stop looking at me. If only I could know what he was thinking.

"After he was...after he was done with me, he let me go. I didn't follow my friends, I didn't meet with anypony else. I just went home and cried. My parents...it didn't take long for them to find out."

Silence again. I hated being silent. I always associated it with dramatic moments - but I wasn't trying to be dramatic. I was trying to hold it together.

"He killed himself the next morning. Hung himself. My father...he wanted to sue his family, or press charges, but I told him, 'No. They did nothing to me.' He listened to me. They never knew what he wanted to do."

"And..." he spoke up. "What happened next?"

I looked at him with a shamed feeling building up inside me. A part of me didn't want to look at him when I said the very next thing...but I didn't want to hide myself again. Not anymore.

"I found out I was infertile," I told him. "He...Grace...he...made me infertile. I don't remember exactly what they...told me, but - all I know is that I can't have ch-...children because of him. Because of what he did to me."

That word: Children. It was always such a bitter taste in my mouth.

"I never knew what that would've felt like until they told me. I mean, I didn't want children then. But as I grew up, all I wanted was to have a family. I never admitted it to any of my friends, not even you. It was always a little secret of mine."

I could feel my mouth form a smile, but then I would turn away, and the smile would be gone.

"But then I remember all over again...and..."

With a sigh, I returned to the balcony.

"I'm sorry...I got off track, I-"

I could see his body tense up for a second. He stared right at me, a hurt expression clear on his face, a mix of disbelief. He knew what I told him. I knew what I told him. But that was him: He couldn't ignore any problem.

"I...Why would you ever compare me to...him? Anypony else, I would understand, but...him...?"

His tone of voice, it didn't sound annoyed, but it was far, far from any freckle of a happy tune.

"I just...I didn't mean to, it just happened."

"What, you just happened to compare me to somebody who..." I could hear his voice lock up before he could say it; I knew he didn't want to ever say that word, or even ask the sentence. "...Is that all you see in me? All you ever saw in me? Just him?"

"Well, you...you did a lot of stuff like...like him. The poems, the letters, the songs, it just...it just reminded me of him-"

And I only made it worse.

"And that was the reason you acted like you did?!" he asked me, his voice raising. I never heard his voice raise before. "Talked trash about me behind my back, tried to get AJ in on it, the whole party-"

"You're overreacting!" I told him.

"I'm overreacting?" He looked on with further disbelief. "I'm sorry, aren't you the one who said in front of everyone that Equestria would be better off without me?"

And I yelled back at him.

"That is NOT fair!" I screamed. "You do not use that happened FOUR bucking months ago against me, EVER! That is not fair!"

"And being compared to a rapist is?!"

I froze. I didn't have anything else to say, to respond back to. All he did was keep talking.

"Bad enough I was screamed at and chewed out for something that was out of my control. But you had the guts, the NERVE, to compare me to somepony I didn't even know about until a few days ago, somebody who hurt you years ago! You really think I'm that bad?! Really?!"

My hooves, though firmly planted in the dirt, shook at his words. They were shaky.

I saw the tears form in his eyes.

"Celestia... I..." He gave a ragged sigh as the emotion started to catch up. "... I loved you so much. I fell for you like some stupid little schoolkid. The poems, the letters... I was trying so hard to make you feel the same way, and..."

He sat down, looking at the ground - didn't even look up to me.

"And every time I did, I made you think of him."

For a few seconds, it was completely quiet. Not even the birds chirped, and the wind was calm. I just looked at him, and he stared at the ground.

Then the dam came down, and all he could do was cry into his hooves. He tried so hard to lock it up, to not let it show, and he couldn't.

I don't think I ever saw him cry... except...

The biggest part of me wanted to just stand there and not touch him. Don't talk to him, don't do anything. You'll only make it worse.

Instead, I listened to the smallest part of me and went to him. Falling to my knees, I gently lifted his head, just to look at me. I thought he would've pushed me away, swatted my hooves, or simply try and ignore me.

But no. He looked right at me, deep into my eyes through his own tearful ones. I knew he loved to look at me.

Just like I loved looking at him.

"I'm sorry," he said to me.

There was nothing to be sorry for. And yet, there was.

He hugged me tightly, and I hugged him back.

And for an hour, we apologized to each other over and over again, until we could say no more. We cried together, alone.

The storm raged outside as I sat on his couch. He brought me back to his house before it came. As soon as we were inside, we could hear the thunder blasting outside, and the lightning flicker, and the rain slam itself against the windows. But we were safe in here.

We sat down on his couch. The house was empty and felt hollow; Lilly had left before we got there, off to help the doctors at the hospital. She'd probably be gone a while.

But all he and I did was lay on the couch and rest. He held me close, and I embraced it with warmth. Who knew how long it could've lasted?

I could hear the thunder roar harder. I remember being afraid of storms when I was younger, and my mother would hold me tightly and tell me it was okay.

"As long as I'm right here with you, you're safe and sound."

He was just like that. With him, I felt safe, protected. Loved. I didn't care how anyone saw it.

I was safe. In a way, I was loved too.

"You don't wanna keep being-" I asked him, but he knew what I meant before I could finish.

"No," he told me. "I mean... not right now. Not for a little while. I just... I think it's best we take a break."

We were already trying to put it all behind us, turn it into something we could laugh about in the future, a long time from now. At the same time, we couldn't.

I hated thinking about the future sometimes. I never could know what was ahead for me, for my friends. Would we still be together in fifty years, or would we drift away after five? Would we all live to be elderly, or would some of us die before then? How would we die? How would we live after this point? Who would we marry? Divorce? Cheat on?

I could never see myself cheat on him.

I could see myself marrying him. Living with him. Growing old with him. Was that too optimistic? Stupid? Perfect? Even though I hated the saying, "Time will tell," it was the only real answer.

Time will tell.

Time-

"Dash."

I looked up to him. He must have been calling my name a couple of times with the way he looked at me. He never failed to hold that curious and worrisome look in his eyes. I missed that look.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

At first, I wasn't entirely sure how to go about answering that question. There was so much 'guessing' playing out in my head, how could I even answer that one right?

But as soon as I saw those glistening eyes of his staring right back at me - just showing me how much care they held in them - I smiled back, knowing I already had an answer in mind.

"Yeah. I'm okay."

And it was true. For the first time in my life, I felt that I was truly okay.

That's all anything ever was.

Okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

Everything is going to be okay.

Author's Notes:

How to piss off everyone in seven words.

I plan on finishing the story this year. However, I am going to be writing the entire fucking final act before publishing it, because if I don't, then I'm going to be spending over a year writing this act, and I don't want to do that again.

Ooooon another note, I plan on writing another story based off another daydream-fantasy-thing that I've been having for several months. It'll be cheesy, probably really dumb, and silly, but I'll find a way to make it work.

Also, I'm working on a new chapter of You Know Me Best, so...that's cool.

You really hate those moments where the author starts writing author's notes for the sake of making you read them when you should be done reading them already? I hate those kinds of people, man. It really bugs me. I honestly think it should be against the rules of FIM to allow more than a certain amount of silly writing for anybo