The Mane Six get a Boyfriend
by Jay David
First published
Twilight and her friends suddenly find themselves with an admirer
Celestia, despite all the horrors and catastrophes that have befallen Equestria over the years, comes to realise that there is an as-yet unsolved problem that is far worse than all previous blights to their realm. Her dearest student, Twilight, as well as her friends, are all single! Granted, the mares in question don't really have a problem with this, but even so, the princess of the sun takes it upon herself to rectify this situation.
Thus, the six unsuspecting mares soon happen upon a very special delivery from the good princess.
The Mane Six get a Boyfriend
It was a bright and sunny day out in Ponyville, as all in the town were out and about, enjoying themselves wherever they went. The birds were tweeting happily in the skies, and there was a smile on everypony's faces. Indeed, one looked at this place and they couldn't help but feel happy. However, such a calm and peaceful setting can only ever be the prelude to something going wrong, and such was the case today, although, the ones it would occur to where completely in the dark on the matter, at least for now. In the safety of the Golden Oak Library, Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia herself, was currently engaged in a good book white sitting in her favourite chair. But, all around her, her friends were also present, chatting to each other and just generally enjoying each other's company. Spike, the young dragon in Twilight's care, was going form mare to mare, seeing if they were in need of anything. More often than not, they simply asked for refills for their cups of tea, which the young drake was happy to provide, especially when it was Rarity asking for it. As for the others, they were all doing their own thing, from Rainbow and Applejack hoof-wrestling, to Pinkie and Fluttershy talking about the latter's pets. Unfortunately, this tranquil get-together was soon interrupted by a knocking on the door. Immediately, all the mares looked to it, with Twilight raising her eyebrow.
"Who could that be?"
Wanting an answer to that question, the young unicorn hopped off her chair and placed her book on the side, after which she began to head over to the door. Using her magic, she opened it up, and on the other side, there was one of Ponyville's mail-ponies, a stallion, who gave a smile and a salute before reading off a form in his hoof.
"Miss Twilight Sparkle?"
The young mare nodded at that, prompting the stallion to smile further, before then stepping aside.
"Special delivery, ma'am!"
Looking past him, Twilight's eyes widened somewhat as she saw a very large box beside the guy. It was wooden, quite sturdy-looking, and seemed to bear what looked like air holes, though no sounds came from within. But, it wasn't long before Twilight soon had to pay attention to something else, for there, stuck to the front of the box, was a letter marked with the royal symbol of Princess Celestia. Realising that this was something important, Twilight took the form from the stallion and signed her name on it, formally accepting the delivery. The stallion gave a final tip of his hat before moving off, no doubt going to deliver more mail elsewhere. As for Twilight, she lit up her horn, using her magic to levitate the box and bring it into the library with her, after which she used her hind leg to close the door behind her. Now inside, she gently lowered the box onto the floor, immediately catching the attention of her friends, all of whom began to move towards this mysterious delivery. But, while they did that, Twilight plucked the letter from the box and began to open it. After pulling the letter out in earnest, she started reading the first few lines, after which she gave a brief nod.
"Yep, definitely from the princess."
Hearing that, Pinkie immediately started bouncing up and down.
"Ooh! Ooh! Let me guess! It's your birthday and Celestia sent you a big present, right?"
Twilight chuckled a little and shook her head, prompting Pinkie to ponder things for a moment before gaining another massive smile.
"Then how about a...!"
But, she was prevented from saying anything further when Applejack slapped a hoof over her mouth.
"Why don't we let Twilight say what it is?"
With her friend's hoof still over her mouth, Pinkie considered that before nodding enthusiastically, at which point Applejack finally lowered the hoof. Now guaranteed some silence, Twilight turned to the letter again and began to read it out loud.
"My dearest Twilight, I hope the day treats you well. While you may be expecting some kind of assignment or lesson to learn from me, I'm afraid this correspondence will be a little bit different from what you're used to. You and I have known each other for many years. I have watched you grow from a young filly to a fine mare in your own right. And while there are many things about your development of which I can call myself proud, one area of your life nevertheless remains somewhat, shall we say, under-utilized."
Immediately, the young unicorn looked up from the letter, scouring her mind for whatever the princess could be referring to. She remembered every lesson, every magical theory, every single piece of advice she'd been given over the years, and not one of them seemed to be lacking in her mind. Her friends saw this look on her face and knew immediately what was going on in her head, and as such, simply waited patiently for her to just get back to the letter. Fortunately, they didn't have long to wait, as she soon found herself looking over the lines again.
"The part of your life of which I speak is your...social life?"
As expected, that earned a confused look, not only form Twilight but also from her friends. After all, she had made tremendous progress in becoming more social and friendly over the years, having made many close friends, of which these five mares were only a few. But, as she continued to read, a small blush began to appear on her face, though it was only moments later when her friends began to understand why.
"Specifically...I refer to you lack of...romantic experience."
As Twilight had dreaded, this earned more than a few stifled giggles form her friends, earning them a scornful look from her. But, she did her best to ignore them as she continued.
"Now, I know this can be a difficult thing to discuss, so I've decided to take it upon myself to solve this problem by..."
For a moment, Twilight stopped, and squinted her eyes a little to make sure she'd read that next passage right. In the end, she was sure she had, and so spoke up again in a hushed tone.
"...by sending over somepony to serve as your special companion."
At that, all the laughter stopped, even Pinkie's, and they all turned to the box nearby. Nervously, Twilight took a few steps away from it, all while Rarity walked over and stood beside her.
"She...she didn't, did she?"
But Twilight didn't answer her, instead looking back to the letter.
"But, when I started to think more and more about this, I soon realised that, in all honesty, even your friends could use some help in this matter, so the individual I've brought to you will also serve as their significant other."
Naturally, all heads snapped in her direction after reading aloud that particular passage, with Applejack especially looking somewhat incredulous.
"Erm...beg yer pardon?"
But Twilight simply continued reading, having finally reached the final passage of the letter.
"Further instructions are within. No need to thank me, for I can already imagine the appreciative look on your face right now, and trust me, you're more than welcome. Regards...Princess Celestia."
The good princess may have been many things, but, in this particular instance there was one thing she was not, and that was a mare who could accurately predict others. For in the silence that followed the reading of that letter, Twilight's face had all the colour completely drained from it, as if she'd almost seen a ghost. As for the others, they all looked to each other with utterly flabbergasted looks, half-hoping that this was simply a joke, a practical jest on the part of their beloved princess. But, that hope was soon washed away with the start of a new and sudden sound that took them all by surprise. It was a knocking, except that this time, it did not come from the front door of the library, but rather the large wooden box, causing all of them to take a step back from it. They all looked to each other, silently daring the one closest to them to be the one to actually go over there and open the thing. But, in the end, it was Twilight who elected to do the deed, though she showed clear discomfort in having to do it. Step by step, she approached the box, her friends looking on nervously as she did so, and when she was finally close enough, she lit up her horn, causing a few of the casing's hinges to come undone. With that settled, she took a few steps back, and allowed the now-unbound box to fall open, which it promptly did. When the dust settled from this, the mares looked on with shock at the contents.
It was exactly as Princess Celestia had described in her letter, for there, standing right in the middle of the box's remnants, was a stallion. An earth pony in appearance, his defining colour was that of brown. A light brown coat, dark brown mane, and even darker brown eyes. His cutie mark, as if things weren’t strange enough already, was a simply pink heart, as if announcing to all the world that being a boyfriend was his job or something. Twilight, looking him over, noticing that he had another letter, this time clutched in his mouth, which was odd in itself. But, the one thing nopony here could deny was that the stallion was unquestionably good-looking. He had that look that gave the distinct impression of being right on the line between colthood and stallionhood, giving a youthful attractiveness. On top of that, he was more slender in his frame than most male ponies, giving a somewhat feminine tint to his overall look. And then there was his mannerisms. From the moment he was out of the box, looking at all six of the mares around him, he looked, shy, demure, perhaps even a little embarrassed, with a slight blush on his cheeks to complete the picture. As he stood there, in utter silence, the mares all looked to him with their mouths hanging open, shocked at seeing him. In time, they actually managed to get some words out.
"He's..." Twilight began.
"He's..." Applejack continued.
"He's..." Rainbow added.
"He's..." Fluttershy whispered.
"He's..." Rarity fumbled.
"He's...SO CUUUUTE!!!"
Immediately, all five of the other mares watched with surprise as Pinkie rushed forward, embracing the nervous stallion in a tight hug, practically mashing her cheek against his in a clear display of affection. Although taken aback by the sudden arrival of this energetic mare, the as-yet unnamed stallion soon seemed to return the gesture, closing his eyes and hugging her back, and it was at this point that he dropped the letter in his mouth. While many of their friends watched this get-together with mixed reactions, Rainbow especially seeming amused by it, Twilight kept her eyes on the letter, walking over to it and picking it up with her magic. Like the other, she opened it and began reading, saying the words out loud so all her friends could hear.
"Twilight, if you're reading this, then say hello to your new boyfriend. His name is...Anypony?"
Hearing that, Applejack turned to her and raised an eyebrow.
"Gee, how inventive."
Twilight sighed and nodded in agreement with that before getting back to the letter.
"The first thing you'll need to know about him, my student, is that he is not a natural-born stallion, but rather what the scholars call a homunculus."
Having read that, Twilight's eyes widened with shock as she looked to Anypony, who was still looking more than content while hugging Pinkie. As for her friends, they all looked to her with confusion, with Rainbow speaking up first.
"Er, Twilight? What exactly is a homun...homun...?”
Knowing her friend was struggling with the word, Twilight just up and answered the question pre-emptively.
"Homunculus. It's complicated, but to put it simply...he's a pony born of magic."
That, as expected, earned a look of shock from all of them, with Applejack especially seeming vocal about it.
"Wait...y'all can just make ponies? Like from a spell or something?"
Twilight nodded.
"It's very difficult. Only the best magic users in Equestrian history have ever been able to do it."
Considering that, Twilight let out another sigh.
"Guess Celestia really wanted me to have a boyfriend if she went to all that trouble."
The others all nodded in agreement, prompting Twilight to continue reading.
"As you and your friends are probably wondering, let me explain why I've only made one for the six of you. You see, as you've no doubt guessed, such a creation takes a lot out of you, and as such, I was only able to create one pony. But I doubt it'll be much of an issue for six good friends such as yourselves to share, yes?"
Reading that, Twilight looked to Rarity, who seemed somewhat aghast at that notion.
"What, just share a boyfriend? That seems a little...odd, isn't it?"
But Twilight shook her head.
"I doubt Celestia would see it as a problem. Mares have always outnumbered stallions in Equestria, and way back in our history it was usually expected for stallions to have relations with several mares because of it. Remember, Celestia's several thousand years old, so to her, this is just sticking with tradition. A very, very, very old tradition, but one that still technically exists."
Rarity nodded, showing at least some understanding.
"Hmmm...that's all well and good, but, do you think this is a good idea? I mean...what does he think about it?"
Turning, Twilight looked to Anypony, who was still very much involved with Pinkie at the moment. Seeing that, she let out a brief giggle.
"Well, he's certainly warmed up to one of us at least."
Only now did Pinkie re-join the discussion, breaking away from the stallion and walking over to the others.
"Aw, there's no need to worry about it, girls! Think about it! We all get along great, and sharing a boyfriend will be super fun for us!"
But the others showed clear scepticism at that, all looking to each other with odd glances. They had their reservations, that much was clear, and it wasn't long before Fluttershy added her voice to the mix.
"Um...Pinkie? I'm not sure if I'm comfortable just having a boyfriend right now."
The pink mare looked to her with confusion.
"Aw! But it'll be fun! I mean, you two can hug under a tree and be all sweet and adorable and stuff! Wouldn't that be super-lovey-dovey?"
The look on Pinkie's face made it clear that she was very much into this idea, even though Fluttershy still had her concerns.
"But...I don't think he can even talk. He was made to love us. Doesn't that seem wrong and...and...oh my!"
Unbeknownst to Fluttershy and the others, Anypony had been slowly and innocently walking up to the meek pegasus, and now, without warning, was standing beside her and nuzzling her affectionately. The others were taken aback by this, but Fluttershy's was by far the bigger reaction, as her face erupted into a massive blush, making her look as red as a tomato. As Anypony continued to nuzzle, he managed to, unfortunately, cause an even more embarrassing reaction for Fluttershy, as the feel of the guy caused her wings to involuntarily "pomf" up, much to Rainbow's amusement.
"Wow, Flutters, I never knew you had it in you. You two really seem to be enjoying this."
But Fluttershy was doing her best to ignore the comments of her foalhood friend, as the heat in her cheeks was rising for every single moment the stallion was by her.
"Oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my!"
It was pretty obvious to all of them that their friend was probably going to die of embarrassment over this, so, after chuckling a little, Applejack moved over and gently pulled Anypony off her.
"Okay there, loverboy, y'all have had yer fun. Time ta leave her alone now."
But, to the chagrin of the farm mare, this act had a rather unforeseen consequence, as Anypony then turned to her, nuzzling her in the exact same manner as he'd been doing to Fluttershy mere moments earlier.
"What the...?!"
Yet again, Rainbow couldn't help but chortle at all this.
"Oh, this is priceless! Somepony get my camera!"
Naturally, the farm mare gave her friend a somewhat venomous look after that, while trying her best to get away from the affectionate stallion without having to get too aggressive with him. As for the others, Twilight watched this with some degree of bemusement, as Rarity walked up to her and began whispering.
"Twilight, darling, I know the princess means well, but...she can't possibly expect us to accept this...gift, can she? I mean...does she expect us to just do everything mares and stallions do together? Including...well...you know?"
Immediately, a blush formed on Twilight's face after hearing that, but, before she had a chance to answer, Rainbow walked over to Anypony and, in a move that shocked all of them, lifted up his hind leg and took a look.
"Well, he'll certainly won't be lacking in that department, Rares."
The fashionista looked utterly aghast at her friend’s behaviour, all while Anypony just stood there looking completely neutral about the whole thing. The former though looked to Rainbow with a great frown.
"Rainbow! That is most un-ladylike!"
After a moment though, Rarity darted her eyes left and right for a bit before speaking to her cyan friend in a more hushed tone.
"Um...how good are we talking here?"
But Twilight snapped her head in Rarity's direction after having overheard that.
"Rarity?!"
The alabaster unicorn immediately shook her head, as if to regain her senses.
"Right! Sorry! Wasn't thinking straight!"
The lavender mare sighed and groan at that, after which she gestured to all of her friends, silently signifying them to come over. With a nod, they did just that, leaving Anypony behind, looking to all of them with that innocent and loving look that had been plastered on his face this entire time. He began to walk over to them a couple of times, but a silent gesture from Twilight gave him all the command he needed to stay put. Now free of him, the girls got together in a huddle to start discussing this admittedly massive entry into their lives.
"So...what do we do?" Twilight asked.
"Well, ah fer one don't really feel all that good bout this. Ah mean, he seems real...friendly, ah guess. But it just ain’t right," Applejack answered.
There were looks all around, wherein the mares all reacted in different ways. Fluttershy was very much in agreement with Applejack, though given her earlier trauma, it wasn't hard to predict that. As for Rainbow, she maintained a mischievous smirk on her face, no doubt thinking over what it would be like having a male around that would be utterly devoted to her. However, after seeing that her friends all gave her a somewhat disapproving glance at that, she rolled her eyes and let out a grunt of annoyance before nodding, signifying her agreement. As the mares all looked around, there seemed to be a general feeling of agreement, but it wasn't long before they noticed that one of their number was oddly missing from this line up. Realisation dawned on them as they broke from their group huddle, and many of them turned to look upon a sight that caused them to slap their foreheads with incredulity. Pinkie Pie had, unbeknownst to the group, gone right back to Anypony, and was, at this particular moment, involved in a rather intense-looking make-out session. Seeing this, Fluttershy used her wings to cover her eyes, which Rainbow and Applejack couldn't help but let out a chuckle at. As for Twilight, she let another annoyed grunt before calling out to her friend.
"Pinkie!"
Swiftly, the pink mare pulled her lips off the stallion for a moment, looking a little despondent as she looked to Twilight.
"Aw! But he's so loveable!"
But Twilight shook her head, prompting Pinkie to look a little down at that, for about five seconds, after which she shrugged her shoulders and just bounced away in her usual manner. Shaking her head at this, Twilight walked over to Anypony, who looked at her and patiently waited for whatever it was she had to say. In the end, she did exactly that.
"Sorry, Anypony. But you're not going to be a boyfriend to anyone today."
Hearing that, the stallion looked down to the ground, ears drooping somewhat. It was a sight that tugged at Twilight's heartstrings a fair bit, causing her to look away and grumble a little.
"Curse you for making such an adorable stallion, Celestia!"
Eventually, she shook herself out of that state before walking over to the remnant of the box, using her magic to levitate the invoice that had been attached to the thing.
"Alright then, let's get this box back together and send him back."
Princess Celestia, diarch of Equestria, ruler of the sun, was looking more than a little irritated at this present moment, using her magic to levitate a letter in front of her face, reading it aloud.
"Dear Princess Celestia. While my friends are more than thankful for your "gift" and your interest in helping out our social lives, I'm afraid we must decline. It's not that we don't like the stallion you sent us, we do. It’s just that...well...I don't think any of us really want a boyfriend right now, so we’ve agreed that the best thing to do was to send him back to you. I hope you are not too upset by this. Yours sincerely, Twilight."
Grunting somewhat, Celestia crumpled up the note and threw it into a nearby bin, after which she turned, looking upon the newly-returned stallion who was now standing motionless in her quarters, with an invoice taped to his chest. Every once in a while he'd smile and wave to her, though she did not smile back.
"This is just perfect! And I was really hoping that I'd actually be able to succeed at setting somepony up for a romance this time. Ugh, I can just see Cadence's smug face right now. I'm sure she's prepared a speech about interfering in love already written up and in her desk somewhere."
Raising a hoof to her temples, she began to rub them slightly to relieve some of the stress.
"And now I’m stuck with a homunculus I don't want! Who am I possibly going to dump him on?"
As if the universe heard her, the window-doors of her chamber opened, causing her to look in their direction. Although taken aback at first, she watched with some surprise as her sister, Princess Luna, began to gracefully fly inside.
"Sister! I hope the night treats you well! I just came to let you know that all is well in...Equestria...tonight?"
The lunar princess was halted from continuing the moment she saw the look on her sister's face. It was one of pure mischief, and immediately caused the younger alicorn to back away slightly.
"Whatever you're planning...I'm not going to like it, am I?"
A Boyfriend Without a Girlfriend
I sit in the corner of the room, saying nothing as I watched the two sisters speak to each other. Granted, I can't actually talk, but even if I could, I like to think I'd just let them carry on without interrupting them. My name is Anypony, and I'm a homunculus. I have no magic of my own, so I'm a little new to all of this, but from what my creator told me, that basically means that I was born from magic. Not born in the same flesh and blood manner as other ponies, but even so, I breathe like them, I have a beating heart like them, and for all outwards appearances, I am one of them. And yet, one thing sets me apart. I was made for a reason. And that reason was to be a boyfriend. Specifically, I was to serve as a boyfriend to my creator's student, Twilight Sparkle, as well as her friends. My ears drop slightly as I consider that, and sadness fills my heart as the memories of my meeting with them resurfaces. They didn't want me. I mean, Miss Pinkie seemed interested, but after speaking with Miss Twilight, they all just sent me back to my creator. They...they just didn't want me. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I just wasn't a good enough boyfriend for them. Maybe...maybe I just need to try harder. My eyes drift upwards as I look upon my creator, Princess Celestia, as she speaks to her sister, Luna. The younger sister seems upset by something. It’s clear in her voice.
"What were you thinking, sister?!" she calls out.
My creator narrows her eyes.
"I was doing her a favour! How could I have predicted that she would just reject him like that?" she replied.
But Luna doesn't seem satisfied with that answer.
"Ugh! Putting aside how unwise it is that you meddle in relationships like that, there's also the..."
Her expression softened as she pauses, turning to look right at me.
"...the somewhat controversial decision of how you went about it."
I look to her, smiling all the time, and yet, for some reason, Luna seems uncomfortable. She turned from me, looking right back to her sister, who lets out a sigh before speaking.
"I had a feeling you'd say that Luna. But I assure you, Anypony was not made for any unworthy purpose. He was to serve as a boyfriend. A companion. Now tell me, how is that a bad thing?"
Although it confuses me, Luna looks to my creator with an expression that shows that she is surprised by such a question.
"How is...sister...he can't even talk. How exactly do you expect him to form a meaningful relationship with Twilight or anypony else if he can't even communicate with them?"
At that, Celestia pauses for a moment, looking from her sister to me and then back again. In the end, she lets out a sigh, hanging her head slightly.
"Okay...perhaps I might have put more emphasis on some areas of his development over others. I admit that. But..."
But Luna raised her hoof, stopping her.
"No buts! You created a life to serve a specific purpose! Granted, you did it with the best of intentions, but there’s no debate that this is very unethical territory you've strayed into, sister."
They go on like this for some time, talking about my creation and whether or not it was right to do. As for me, I just sit there, listening to every word. All I want is to be a boyfriend, and I don't understand why Luna is so unhappy right now. Is it me? Did I do something wrong? I can do better, if she wants. I can try and look happier if that's the problem. But, while I think that over, I only then notice that the two sisters, while still arguing, begin to move out of the room. They don’t look at me as they leave, and soon I'm all alone in the there. I'm not quite sure what to do now, so I wait. Maybe they'll come back for me? So, I sit, looking up at the nearby clock and counting the moments as they fly by. Every once in a while, I look down to my chest, where the invoice and letter from Miss Twilight is still stuck to my brown fur, right where she left it. Gradually, I start patting my hoof on the floor as time moves ever onward. I even try making a tune out of the sounds I make, though it's hardly a good one. Another minute passes by. Then a second. A third. Five minutes. Ten. Twenty. In the end, a full hour passes, and still no sign of the two sisters. My ears drop slightly. Have they forgotten me? Are they even still talking about me, wherever they are? I don't know. But, what I do know is that, wherever they are, I'm no good to anypony just sitting here alone.
I was made to be a boyfriend, and I can't do that if I just stay in one room forever. Miss Twilight didn't want me, and as much as that makes me sad I have to accept that. Luna didn't want me either, even after Celestia tried to get her to like me. Maybe...maybe there are mares out there, in the city, that might want me? I was made to love, to listen, to cuddle and kiss and do all the things a boyfriend is supposed to. It's my reason for being, and I have to fulfil that. So, with a smile still on my face, I stand up at last, walking out of my creator's room, ready to go out and find somepony to love. I poke my head out of the door, looking both ways, seeing nothing but long hallways either way. In the end, I go left, and just keep on walking. It's a beautiful place, this palace. I never paid much attention to it on my first day of life, as Princess Celestia sent me in that box soon afterwards. Still, I have no time to focus on scenery, for I soon encounter other ponies. These ones are covered in golden metal of some kind, and just stand perfectly sill along every other column of the hallways. I think they might be guards, though I'm not sure exactly what they're guarding as there's nopony else here. I walk past them, hoping not to disturb them, passing by stallion after stallion. Occasionally, they give me a look, but nothing else happens beyond that.
But then, to my surprise, I find a mare among them, clad in the same armour as the rest of them. I stop immediately, standing before her and smiling widely, hoping to catch her attention. But she doesn't speak to me. She doesn't even look at me. She just...stares at the wall on the other side of the room, like she was a statue. I turn, looking at the wall myself, trying to see if there's anything really interesting about it that would cause her to stare at it so much. But there's nothing there, just white marble like everywhere else. Well...maybe she's just really into marble perhaps? It doesn't make sense to me, but then, a lot of things haven't made sense to me since I first started living. Instead, I shake my head and look to her, giving her an enthusiastic wave. Again, she doesn't look to me. Several minutes pass with me standing in front of her, waiting for her to just acknowledge me. But she doesn't. At first, my instincts are for my ears to droop again, but I resist. After all, it isn't right for me to make her feel sad just because I am. That's not what a good boyfriend does, even if I’m not technically her boyfriend. Instead, I just smile and wave goodbye to her, getting back on my way. I pass by a few other guards, but no other mares, so I figure it's probably time for me to just head on out of the palace entirely.
This place is a maze, that much is for sure, and I found myself getting lost quite a few times. It'd be nice to be able to ask for directions, but...well...that's kind of hard to do with no voice. A pang of guilt passes through me with that thought. Bad Anypony! Princess Celestia wasn't wrong in making you this way, so don't go around regretting little things like that. So I don’t have a voice, so what? I can still be a good boyfriend without one, I'm sure of it! And with that thought, my smile returns, and I trot on in earnest, eventually finding, to my delight, the way out of the palace. As I step outside, I see just how sunny and beautiful the day is, and I sigh in contentment at the sight of it. But, I know there's no time to admire it right now, for I have a task to perform. So I set out, walking amongst the many ponies in the streets. Most of the mares I see all seem to be involved with other stallions in some way, so it's a while before I actually find out who's all alone. When I do, I tilt my head slightly when I see her. At first, I think to myself that the mare before me looks remarkably like Miss Twilight, aside from her colouring of course. But there's also rather bigger differences, like that distinct turtleneck sweater, her thick black glasses and the way she has her mane tied up. Still, she's all alone, face-deep in a book hovering before her, so I walk on over there to greet her.
She sits alone, on a bench at the side of the street, doing nothing but read. As for me, I walk up to her and just stand there, smiling at her. It takes a while, but eventually, she notices me. At first, there's some confusion on her part, and she adjusts her glasses before speaking at last.
"Can I help you?"
I continue to smile at her, moving over to sit beside her on the bench. But, the moment I do so, she starts scooting away from me slightly, looking somewhat uncomfortable.
"Um...I mean no offense, Sir, but I'm rather busy at the moment. If you have no important business here...well...could you please leave me alone?"
Rejection. It's not the first time I've felt it, but luckily for me, I think I'm getting used to it by now. So I don't put up a fuss, and instead just hop off the bench and give a slight bow of my head to the young mare before walking off, continuing my search. I don't know what becomes of the mare I leave behind me, but I'm sure she's fine. She didn't want me, and I have to respect her wishes on that. So, I simply keep on walking with that same smile on my face, passing by many a mare on my way, In the few instances I'm able to find some on their own, their reactions were more-or-less the same as that of the first, either discomfort or disinterest. Still, no matter, I'm sure I can be a boyfriend to somepony, I just need to keep looking. Time moves on and still no luck in my search, and I'm beginning to reach the outskirts of Canterlot. I wonder to myself if I'll ever be able to find anypony to be a boyfriend to, and it is here that I see her. It's near the train station of the city, and there's a make-shift stage set up nearby. A crowd gathers before it, drawing my interest. As I approach, I see a blue unicorn mare atop that stage, wearing a rather odd-looking cape and hat. She stands confidently before the crowd, gesturing to them before speaking in a loud manner.
"Gather, friends! See the great and powerful Trixie in all her magnificence!"
Her declaration is followed by a display of magic that immediately impresses me. Conjuration of fireworks, creation of flowers out of thin air, and all manner of other wondrous things. Granted, I haven't witnessed that much magic in my life, but my own lack of it means that to me, these are truly incredible feats before me. I look on in awe at her, only to notice that those in the rest of the crowd don't seem anywhere near as interested. If anything, they looked bored, though I couldn't understand why. The show carries on for some time, and Miss Trixie tries many different spells, but it seems that the crowds don’t seem interested, and begin to leave. A look of disappointment crosses the mare's face, but only briefly, for she continues her act. In time, only I remain to watch her, and it is here that she finishes her final spell, which, as usual, ends in a flurry of fireworks. With the show now over, I clap my hooves together to show my approval of it all, though the mare seems less than enthusiastic about it.
"Trixie thanks you for the approval, but the show is over, Sir."
I stop, and watch her climb off the stage, seeing her move over to what looks like a few boxes for her to store her things in. I begin to walk over to her, keeping my eyes on her while still smiling. Eventually, she notices me, raising an eyebrow.
"Trixie said the show is over, friend. You can go home now."
But I don't go home. Instead, I just sit where I walked to, keeping my eyes locked on the mare before me. In time, she seems to grow annoyed by this.
"Trixie has no time for fans right now. So...you know...shoo or something."
She doesn't want me. Yet again I find myself standing to move away. But, before I get the chance to do so, I hear her voice yet again.
"Wait...what's that?"
I stop and see her pointing at something at my chest, and only now do I realise that I’ve been carrying that letter and invoice the whole time. Trixie moves towards me and, in a single motion of her hoof, takes both things off the fur of my chest. There's a brief sting as she does this, but not enough to really bother me. She whips out both sheets of paper and starts to read them, her eyes going from left to right as she takes in every line. Eventually, her expression changes from the annoyance it had been before to one of curiosity, and then to shock. In time, she looks to be with disbelief plastered all over her face.
"A...a homunculus?"
I nod, confirming her curiosity. She seems astounded at that, and raises a hoof, seeming hesitant for some reason. But soon, she gets over it and places that hoof over my chest, feeling my heartbeat, and the moment that happens, she backs away.
"That...that's incredible!"
I impress her, and that's something which brings a smile right back to my face again. But still, I remain in place as she keeps looking over the letter. Gradually, a look of slight annoyance returns to her.
"A boyfriend? For...for Sparkle?"
She knows Miss Twilight? That's a surprise for me. But then, Miss Twilight IS a very interesting mare, so maybe they were old friends at one point? Regardless, I nod to her again, and she looks away briefly. Silence passes between us for a time, and I wait patiently for her to say or do something. After a few moments, something does happen, and Trixie turns to me with another raised eyebrow.
"So...you were made to be a boyfriend?"
I nod.
"To Twilight?"
I nod again.
"And...she didn't want you?"
I pause before nodding again. Trixie seems to think things over for a moment before, to my surprise, breaking out into a smile. But this is different from the kind of smile Miss Pinkie would have. There's something else to it, something I don't think I've ever seen before when a mare looked at me. Before I can react, Trixie casts aside the letter and walks up to me, and I briefly note that her hips are slightly swaying as she does so.
"Well...a poor little stallion like you can't be lonely, now can you? You need to be a boyfriend to a mare, yes? How about you be one to Trixie? Would that make you happy?"
I break out into the biggest smile I've ever had. A mare wants me as her boyfriend? Will my purpose be fulfilled? I nod with enthusiasm, prompting Trixie's smile to widen further, as she take a closer step, raising her hoof and caressing the side of my face.
"Well then...she we go back to my caravan and...shall we say...test just how good a boyfriend you are?"
She wants me to see how good I am? I'm not entirely sure what that means exactly, but if my new girlfriend wants me to do something for her, then I'm more than willing to do so. I nod again, giving her my answer, and she nods back, gesturing with her head for me to follow her. I do so, still smiling, happy in the knowledge that I’m finally going to be able to do what I was made for.
"Anypony?"
I stop at the sound of the familiar voice, as does Trixie, and both of us turn, our expressions becoming ones of surprise as we see the one behind us. It's Twilight! Why is she here? If I had a voice, I'd ask her, but Trixie seems willing to do just that.
"Wha...what are you doing here?"
Twilight narrows hr eyes at Trixie.
"I came to visit my family. The bigger question is, what are you doing with Anypony?"
Trixie turns to me with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh, is that what his name is? Wow, how original."
For the moment, Twilight ignores her, and instead looks to me with some concern.
"Anypony...does the princess know you're out here?"
I don't know if Celestia knows what I'm doing right now, so I shrug my shoulders in response to that. Twilight stares at me in silence for a while before then looking back to Trixie.
"Trixie, what exactly do you plan to do with Anypony here?"
The blue mare scoffs at that before answering.
"Since you decided that you didn't want him, Twilight, I don't see how it's any of your business. But if you must know, I plan on giving the lad here a...shall we say, good time?"
Oh, so that's what Trixie wanted me to do. Well, that's no problem. I'm willing. After all, that's one of the duties boyfriends do when called upon, and if that what Miss Trixie wants of me, then I have no issue with it. But Twilight, for some reason, seems upset by that.
"You...you can't!"
Trixie smiles in that same way she did before.
"Oh, but Trixie can. Tell her, Anypony. You’re okay with this, aren't you?"
I nod, letting Twilight now that I am indeed fine with what Miss Trixie want to do with me. But still, the lavender mare seems conflicted.
"But...but...you still shouldn't do this!"
Trixie raises an eyebrow at that.
"Oh? Then tell Trixie...give her one reason why she can't do this."
Twilight looks from Trixie to me and then back again. She seems, for some reason, really conflicted over something, as if she was having a massive mental fight with herself. A look of slight embarrassment crosses her face, though I'm not sure why, and after a great deal of silence, she finally speaks.
"Because...because Anypony is...because he's my boyfriend!"
Elation. That is what I feel right now. I'm Twilight's boyfriend?! The one I was made for actually wants me?! I'm no longer rejected?! I smile more than ever before, rushing past Trixie and embracing Twilight tightly in a hug, taking her aback somewhat. I can't see her face, but can still feel her pat my back slightly as I hug her, though it seems a somewhat half-hearted attempt. As for Trixie, I hear her behind me.
"Wha...but...but...you didn't want him!"
Twilight speaks up, and her voice is stern.
"If it keeps him getting...well...you know...then I guess this is how it has to go."
I part from Twilight, looking over to Trixie, and I see the anger in her face. I don't want to upset her. She wanted me as her boyfriend after all, and I’m grateful to her for that. But Twilight is the one I was made for. Her wanting me takes precedence over everything else. Still, I don’t want Trixie leaving upset because of this, so I move over to her and, in a move that clearly surprises her, I hug her too. She stops for a moment, looking completely confused and bewildered by my behaviour, as does Twilight for that matter. When I move away from the blue mare, she stares at me with confusion, not quite sure what to say. Eventually, she looks over to Twilight, who just shrugs her shoulders, showing that she's just as much in the dark as Trixie is. After some silence between them, Trixie clears her throat before speaking.
"Yes...well...Trixie will leave for now, Twilight, She remembers well what happened the last time we fought over anything, so is unwilling to press the matter. Consider yourself lucky! Trixie away!"
She rears onto her hind legs and slams her front hooves into the ground, creating a massive cloud of smoke. But, when it clears, Twilight and I both see that she's still there, standing beside her caravan.
"Actually, Trixie remembers that she lives here, so why don't you leave for once."
I turn, looking to Twilight, and she stares at me for a time before sighing and gesturing with her head for me to follow, which I do. As we move away from the show-mare, Twilight looks to me, looking a combination of both nervousness and guilt.
"Um...Anypony? I want you to know that I did what I did back there to protect you."
I look to her with confusion, prompting her to explain herself.
"I didn't want Trixie, or any other mare for that matter, taking advantage of you. I know relationships are still something you don't really understand yet, so you need to know you could have been in a bad situation back there."
I tilt my head, still confused. Twilight sighs, looking to me.
"Look...you're nice, and I know you really want this, but I just don't think that..."
"Anypony! There you are!"
Twilight and I stop walking, surprised at the interrupting voice, which sounds very familiar to both of us. We turn in unison, and gain looks of surprise as we see, as expected, that Princess Celestia and her sister, Luna, have both arrived, flying down from the sky. They land on the ground, with the former rushing towards me with concern plastered all over her face.
"Oh Anypony! I was so worried and...Twilight?"
The young mare beside me gives a bow to her mentor before speaking up.
"Greetings, princess. I'm happy to see you."
But Celestia just looks to her with confusion.
"What...what are you doing with Anypony?"
Twilight turns to me for a moment before letting out a sigh.
"Well...you see..."
But she's stopped when Celestia speak up again.
"Wait...I think I understand what's going on here."
Twilight looks to her with some confusion.
"You...you do?"
Celestia nods before, to Twilight's surprise, breaking out into a massive smile.
"And I'm so happy for you both!”
Twilight takes a step back after hearing that.
"Wait...what?!"
Celestia claps her two front hooves together while plastered with that happy smile of hers.
"Oh, I just knew you’d love Anypony if you gave him a chance!"
"But..." Twilight starts.
"Oh, I assure you, he'll be the perfect boyfriend to you, my student."
"But...!"
"He'll love and care for you well, I can promise you that!"
"But...!"
But Celestia raises a hoof.
"No need to thank me, I can see it in your face. Oh, I absolutely must tell Cadence about this! She’ll be so happy! Oh, and Anypony? Treat her well, you hear me?"
I smile and salute to her and watch as she flies off, with Twilight standing there with mouth agape at all this. I move to her, holding her close in a hug once more, as she remains as still as a statue. Meanwhile, Luna, who had been standing there quietly this whole time with a hoof upon her forehead, walks over to Twilight and places a hoof on the young mare's shoulder.
"I am so, so sorry about this."
Yet again, I find myself in the main chamber of the Golden Oak Library, back in Ponyville. I am standing next to Twilight, the wonderful mare that I am to be a boyfriend to, nuzzling her with my head with an affectionate smile upon my face. She doesn't smile back, and instead looks somewhat embarrassed about all this. Don't worry Twilight, I think to myself, I'll just nuzzle you even more! That'll help, I'm sure of it! As we stand together, me nuzzling more enthusiastically than before, the lavender mare looks ahead, seeing the other mares gathered before her. Miss Rainbow, Miss Applejack, Miss Fluttershy, Miss Rarity and Miss Pinkie are all there, looking at the two of us with mixed reactions. Out of all of them, Miss Pinkie seems the happiest and most enthusiastic about my return, as evidenced by the enormous smile on her face. As for the others, they seem both surprised and confused by my presence, and Twilight looks to each of them, unsure of what to say. After a long while of silence, the mares give each other a glance before Rarity starts to move closer, speaking to Twilight in a somewhat hushed manner.
"Um...Twilight, darling?"
Twilight lets out a sigh before replying.
"Yes, Rarity?"
"Would you care to explain why the young stallion here has returned to your abode?"
Twilight's eyes dart to me as I continue to nuzzle her before looking back to her friend. After a while, she lets out a somewhat nervous chuckle.
"You know...you're going to laugh when you hear this."
But Rarity raised an eyebrow at that.
"Are we?"
In time, Twilight slumps her shoulders and sighs.
"No, not really."
Twilight seems depressed, but I'm not worried. I know I can make her feel better. It's part of my job. My reason for being. After all...I was born to be a good boyfriend.
Author's Notes:
Published August 14th 2015
Return of the Boyfriend
It was a pleasant enough day in Ponyville today, and at the Friendship Palace especially, the mood was an upbeat one. Twilight, with a happy smile upon her face, was busy setting the large table in the centre of the main chamber of the place, getting everything ready for what appeared to be a tea party of some sort. She did all the usual things one expected of her, from making sure all the place-mats were in the right spot, to ensuring that all the teaspoons were the exact distance away from the cups for her liking. After looking over everything, and checking in with the list that Spike had been carrying for her to make doubly sure, she nodded with satisfaction. And so, with everything all ready to go, she turned to her student, Starlight, who was off to one side and, for the time being, was focused largely on a book she'd been reading until now. But, with the table finished, Twilight cleared her throat, gaining the unicorn mare's attention.
"It shouldn't be long until they're here now, Starlight. Would you mind...?"
She didn't finish, as Starlight, perhaps already predicting what was about to be said, smiled to her, set her book aside and started to head off away from the two of them.
"Sure thing!"
And so it was that Starlight soon entered the Palace's kitchen, a location she went to often. She knew all the things she needed to do here, and so wasted no time whatsoever in lighting up her horn and levitating all the tea pots and tea leaves she'd need for the upcoming get-together. However, as she began to boil the water in the nearby kettle, she stopped, looking around for something in particular that, despite her efforts, she simply couldn't find.
"Now...there's that sugar?"
High and low she looked, with each passing moment creating more and more frustration for her. But, before she had the chance to grunt in annoyance over the whole matter, she found, to her surprise, that a bag of sugar was now being held in front of her by somepony. Seeing it, she smiled, using her magic to take it and get back to work.
"Ah! Thanks!"
However, mere moments after she started placing the proper amount of sugar into each cup, she stopped, her smile fading as she slowly came to the realisation of what had just happened. Gradually, her eyes drifted to the left, and before long, she was staring right into a pair of unfamiliar brown eyes. Immediately, she took a step backwards, and now looked on properly to the figure before her. It was an earth pony stallion, younger than her from the looks of it. His fur and mane were both brown, and his cutie mark was that of a bright pink heart. He never said anything, just smiling towards her in a friendly manner, even to the point of giving a small wave. After blinking slowly for a few moments, Starlight turned to the nearby doorway and called out.
"Twilight! There's...um...there's a stallion in here!"
It took only a few seconds, but Twilight could be heard galloping towards her. Before long, she burst into the kitchen, panting heavily and looking around, soon fixing her attention upon the strange stallion. Though Starlight half-expected her to maybe cast out this stranger, what happened instead was even more unexpected. Instead, Twilight rushed over to him, bearing a look of great concern.
"Anypony! How many times have I told you? You shouldn't go to the kitchen alone! You could hurt yourself!"
Immediately, the stallion hung his head, his ears drooping in a display that, frankly, looked like the saddest thing Starlight had ever laid eyes on. But Twilight, letting out a sigh, reached forward and patted him on the shoulder.
"It's okay, I'm not mad at you. Come on..."
Gently, she took hold of his hoof.
"...let's get you out of here."
Instantly, the stallion perked up again, his expression once more of happiness, as Twilight began to lead him out of the kitchen. Starlight watched this happen, utterly confused as to what was going on. So, after being alone in that place for a few more moments, she set the bag of sugar aside and began to follow her mentor out. It took no time at all for her to arrive once more in the main chamber, wherein she saw Twilight looking over this unfamiliar stallion, as though checking for injuries of some kind. After giving her a further few moments, Starlight cleared her throat, gaining her attention.
"Um...Twilight? Would you care to explain?"
Though clearly uncomfortable, the young Princess soon let out a sigh, gesturing to the stallion beside her.
"Starlight...this...is Anypony."
Likewise, she then pointed to Starlight.
"Anypony...this is Starlight Glimmer."
Anypony, for his part, merely waved again with a great big grin on his face. As for Starlight, she returned the wave, but her smile was a bit more nervous-looking than his was. But, she soon turned her gaze once more to Twilight, approaching her and starting to ask the obvious questions.
"So...who is he?"
And that question, perhaps more than anything else, caused the Princess some embarrassment.
"Well...um...he's sort of...you know..."
Unfortunately for her, Spike, who had just walked over from finishing the preparations on the table, let out an exasperated sigh and just flat out said it.
"He's her boyfriend!"
Twilight shot him a dark look, to which he merely shrugged.
"What? You weren't going to say it!"
Starlight, on her side of things, seemed rather taken aback by this.
"Er...since when do you have a boyfriend?"
Letting out a long exhale, Twilight turned to her student an began to explain.
"It all happened some years back. Back when I was still living in the Golden Oak Library. Princess Celestia was worried about my lack of a love life, so...well..."
Again, Spike filled in the gaps.
"She created this stallion out of magic to serve as Twilight's boyfriend."
As before, Starlight seemed confused.
"Wait...what?!"
Twilight nodded, still looking embarrassed.
"Yeah...that was pretty much my reaction."
Slowly, Starlight looked over to Anypony, who was still just standing there with a look of contentment upon his face, before she then cleared her throat and enquired further.
"So...he's an artificial stallion?"
"Yep," Twilight responded.
"Made by Princess Celestia?"
"Yep."
"For the sole purpose of being your boyfriend."
Here, Twilight hesitated.
"Well...technically...he was meant to be, well...shared?"
Starlight's face said it all, and she looked down to Spike, who again just outright said it.
"He was made to be a boyfriend to all of them. Twilight, Rainbow, Fluttershy, the lot."
Slowly, Starlight glanced back to Twilight, frowning slightly.
"Twilight...I mean no disrespect to your mentor...but this strikes me as an incredibly unethical use of magic."
To that, Twilight seemed immediately defensive.
"Oh...well...I'm not sure if I would go that far, but..."
But Starlight raised a hoof, halting her.
"Twilight...if there's anypony here's who's going to recognise an unethical use of magic...it's me."
Against that, the young Princess groaned with frustration.
"Ugh! You're right! I know! It's just..."
Before she could finish though, Anypony walked up to her and began to nuzzle her affectionately, as though instinctively trying to cheer her up. To his credit, it seemed to actually have that effect, as Twilight sighed before smiling to him.
"Thank you, Anypony. I appreciate that."
Starlight raised an eyebrow.
"Wait...does he even talk?"
Twilight shook her head.
"He's lived with me for years now and never said a word. I think it's safe to say at this point that he's mute."
Starlight looked the stallion over herself.
"If he's not a natural-born pony...what kind of intelligence does he have?"
Entering her patented "scientist mode", Twilight glanced to Anypony herself.
"My observations of him show that he does indeed possess some level of intelligent comparable to that of regular ponies. He responds to stimuli, same as us, and he even has some awareness of things said to him. But there have been difficulties in putting down exactly how intelligent he is."
Starlight considered that.
"Have you considered educating him? You know, on stuff besides being an affectionate boyfriend? Because it looks as if that is all he knows how to do."
As before, Twilight sighed.
"It's been...difficult."
Starlight tilted her head.
"What do you mean?"
Considering that, Twilight looked to her, then gestured to Anypony.
"Give him a sum to figure out. Anything you like."
Though confused at that request, Starlight nevertheless did as requested.
"Okay...um...Anypony? What's two plus two?"
The young-looking stallion placed a hoof to his chin, looking as though he was thinking over that question hard. Then, after a few moments, his face lit up and he smiled, in a look that would have only been complete with a light-bulb going off over his head. But, he never said anything, obviously, and instead, rather than giving an answer to the question, he rushed forward, holding Starlight in a warm and tender embrace. Naturally, Starlight was rather unsure of how to deal with this, but Twilight, by contrast, merely giggled, before lighting up her horn and gently pulling the stallion off her.
"No, Anypony. We've been over this. Two plus two does not equal hugs!"
After recovering from the unexpected snuggles, Starlight coughed nervously.
"Well...he's certainly...friendly."
Twilight opened her mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by the sound of the castle doors opening behind them. They all turned to see that it was none other tan Pinkie, who now hopped in merrily as she always did.
"Hey, Twilight! Sorry I'm a bit early, but I finished off my baking duties for the day and I..."
But she stopped as soon as she laid eyes on Anypony, who happily greeted her with a wave from afar. The pink mare blinked a few times before, in a move that surprised Starlight greatly, gaining a somewhat sultry look to her.
"Hey there, Anypony! Haven't seen you in a while!"
The stallion smiled wider, beginning to trot off towards her, his boyfriend instincts clearly kicking in. But, Twilight, ever the responsible one, once more engulfed him in her magic and held him in place, prompting confusion in him more than anything. As for Pinkie, Twilight looked to her with clear disapproval.
"Pinkie..." she said in a clear warning-style tone.
But Pinkie stopped in her tracks, shrugging her shoulders and giggling nervously.
"What? I was just gonna...um....say hello?"
Twilight raised an eyebrow, prompting Pinkie to look away with slight shame.
"Or...maybe try and make out with him again...maybe?"
Twilight nodded.
"There we go."
Letting Anypony go, Twilight took a moment to walk over to him and adjust his mane, making sure all the stray hairs were in their proper place, all while Starlight looked on with bemusement. But she said nothing, instead watching as her teacher looked down to her assistant.
"Now then, Spike, I want you to take Anypony back to his room. Make sure he's kept busy. You know how he gets when all of us come together."
Spike nodded.
"Oh yeah, don't want a repeat of last time."
As Spike led the happy-looking stallion away, Starlight, with concern upon her face, walked closer to Twilight.
"Um...last time?"
Twilight sighed.
"It was a small issue...which wouldn't have been as bad if somepony..."
She glanced at Pinkie.
"...hadn't decided that a game of spin-the-bottle was appropriate!"
Again, Pinkie shrugged her shoulders, frowning somewhat.
"Hmph! Spoilsport!"
Looking from one to the other, Starlight yet again raised an eyebrow.
"Twilight...I think somepony needs to talk with Celestia about getting involved in others' love lives."
To that, Twilight chuckled, looking to her student with a sly expression.
"Please, if you think she’s bad, you should see the kind of stuff Cadence tries to pull!"
After hearing that, Starlight blinked slowly, then sighed.
"On second thoughts...I don't think I want to know!"
Author's Notes:
Published November 18th 2017