Now, I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that I can speak Zebrikaans, which is the language that all of Zebrica speaks. When I decided I wanted to learn the language due to the growing relations between our two countries, I didn't just get books and tutors. No, Celestia took it a step further and sent me to Zebrica to learn through full immersion, with nothing more than books as a reference and actual Zebrican teachers talking to me like I was a stupid little foal just learning how to speak.

Instead of being sent to an institution for it, I'd actually been able to take it a step further and wound up going to class in a distant tribe that lived in the middle of the savannah. The conditions were primitive at best, but I hadn't become the pony I was at the time by bitching about the circumstances forced upon me. I had other studies I wished to do while I was there, and while Celestia found my request odd, she didn't turn me down. It was hot, the sun was unbearable most days, and water wasn't often as available as you'd expect it to be...but the mares there were lovely, so no real complaints from me.

While I was there, I got to learn about the tribe's culture, their unique customs, and many other things alongside learning their language. The children in particular loved having me around, if only because they found my magic endlessly awe-inspiring. How often do you think a Zebrican tribe living out in the savannah gets to see a unicorn? Not very often, I'll guarantee you that. I never saw another one outside of the two guards assigned to keeping an eye on me. I was Celestia's student after all, and I was on foreign soil. Zebrican warlords weren't known for going along with things like diplomatic immunity, or fearing the reprisal of foreign countries.

I can't actually remember their names off the top of my head. I think one of them was named Whisper Wind, but I'm not a hundred percent on that. I was far too busy trying to converse with the villagers using my limited knowledge of Zebrikaans at the time. That and trying to secure my privacy whenever I tried to wash up. Zebras were very much into that whole public bathing thing, mostly because unlike Equestria, the tribes don't really have a whole lot of things to shame each other about. I was the odd one out, always going through the trouble of bathing in private...well, what you can consider bathing. I had to boil the water and get used to washing up without the modern convenience of soaps readily available, though the occasional trader that wandered through usually had some I could trade for.

Fortunately, with non-profit organizations like the Red Cross making regular visits to the tribe, I could still get my hooves on my medicine, so that was a plus. Celestia actually set that up for me, bless her soul. It wasn't exactly the standard kind of medication the Red Cross would carry, but having a contact that's willing to carry a small case full of a month's supply wasn't hard to set up. Unfortunately, the Red Cross was also not going to just hand out opiate painkillers unless they absolutely had to, so once I ran out of those after a few months, I just had to tough it out and take it easy on the bad days.

The Red Cross is actually a good-will organization dating back more than nine-hundred years. For how peaceful we ponies are, the minotaurs were the ones that started it, once disease began sweeping through the Zebrican continent wholesale. It was the same continent they shared with the zebras, so why wouldn't they be concerned?

While they themselves weren't heavily effected, the zebras were dying out due to their lack of unity between their tribes back then, and the lack of things like penicillin. Them helping to fight off the diseases plaguing Zebrica kick-started the Red Cross's establishment as a worldwide influence, though they didn't explode into what they are now until they went overseas and both Equestria and Griffonstone began backing them.

So to make a long story short, life was fairly comfortable for me there, during my half-year stay. The tribe was more like a tiny town, and I met a few mares among them that were...well, let's just say that they didn't look down upon my unique gender. Actually, surprising as it may be to some of you that live in cushy homes in Equestria or other places full of all these demanding societal standards, the tribe I stayed at had absolutely zero qualms towards homosexuality of any sort, nor did they have problems with ponies like me. I know, it shocked me too.

Then again, I also landed a couple of those mares right at the start of estrus season...hmm. Okay, in my defense, zebras got da booty I like, and there's just something exotic about them, in my eyes. Not to mention, while my medicine helps me control my desires better, it's not going to somehow make me immune to the allure of mares in heat, and in a tribal village like that, with death waiting pretty much anywhere outside the village's boundaries, I didn't exactly have many places to run to in order to get away. I'm not saying that ponies are prone to rutting like animals during mating season, but the longer you're stuck around that intoxicating scent, the harder it becomes to say no.

I should really go back there and see if I have any illegitimate foals running around sometime. Or am I perhaps better off not knowing? I would also like to note that they have a very different way of thinking and a very different way of doing things, so for all intents and purposes, the legal age over there is generally whatever ritual the tribe puts their people through to prove they are colts or fillies no longer. Usually that age is anywhere from ten to fifteen.

Yyyeah....

Anyways, I'm getting off-track here. Point is, after I started to get a better grasp of their language, I began to really be able to understand the stories they told during those parties and get-togethers near the center of the village. Just a bunch of ponies gathered around a large fire-er, sorry, not just ponies, zebras too. That's really racist of me. Anyways, a bunch of zebras as well as a few ponies gathered around a big fire, retelling old legends and stories that may or may not be based in fact. The story of the Shamans, however, stuck with me.

The Shamans were an ancient tribe, crafty and cunning as could be, that held a large territory perfectly situated on the edge of the savannah, very close to water sources, and close to nearby jungle areas. We're talking...you know, a really long time ago. These days Zebrica's more forest and grassland than dense jungle. That territory was extremely useful for them, since it gave them access to a lot of rare ingredients that most other tribes could never get their hooves on, save through trade. It made them one of the largest tribes in Zebrica.

They were also one of the few tribes that preached a message of pacifism over conquest. Not just between neighboring tribes, but between all tribes, including those that would choose to attack instead of trying to talk first and establish more friendly relations. Unfortunately, that was their downfall.

The neighboring tribes were jealous and envious of them. Their preaching sounded more condescending than genuine to those tribes, and over time, it galvanized them into action. That's not to say that the Shaman tribe couldn't defend themselves. Their knowledge of potion-making was such that they could disable attacking hordes simply by throwing numerous sleeping potions and various other things at them that would force them to halt in their tracks. They weren't the greatest warriors, but their primitive alchemy was leagues beyond anything any other tribe had come up with...including the most coveted holy grail of potions ever concocted.

They managed to make a potion that most Equestrian mages could only dream of...an actual healing potion.

I'm not talking about a potion where you drink it and ooh, my headache and the pain in my joints feel better! I'm talking about a legitimate miracle potion that can heal almost any wound and, theoretically, any disease as well. That's only a theory because no one outside of the Shamans themselves has any idea how to make the damn thing. Outside of knowing that it's damn near impossible to pull off and it takes an absurd amount of work, care and general upkeep, we know nothing about it. Like many of their more valuable recipes, they absolutely refused to ever write the recipe down.

You can probably guess their alchemy knowledge was another reason the other tribes wanted to take their lands from them. Fortunately, the Shamans caught wind of the coming hordes, and rather than try to hold their territory against a force that even they couldn't fight off, they chose to burn all their recipes, pack up what they could carry, and...they scattered. They disappeared in the night in groups in all directions. When the hordes showed up, there was nothing for them to pillage. They took the land for themselves, and the Shamans escaped.

I'm sure the stories I heard were missing a lot of details, details I would've preferred to know, but what can you do when there are no reliable records written down anywhere? The stories are all you can really rely on at that point. Still, after I heard all those stories, I was intrigued. I wanted to know if there was any truth to this supposed miracle potion.

There is. Oh, there is.

Shamans were and still are unbelievably secretive. They raise their children often in secrecy, teaching them every single potion recipe they can while they're growing up. They want the knowledge burned into their memory so they never have to write those recipes down anywhere. At least, that's what little we've been able to glean off of the few Shamans less honorable ponies have managed to get their hooves on in the past.

There was actually a more famous incident around four-hundred and thirty-two...thirty-six maybe? Okay no, four-hundred and thirty-six years ago. There was a noble lord living outside of Canterlot that had managed to identify and capture a traveling Shaman that seemed to be alone. Nomadic, I guess you could say. Based on the testimonies of several ponies working at his mansion, he eagerly tortured the young Shaman to try and get him to spill his secrets.

Next thing they knew, a small group of four, bottles clattering under their cloaks, rushed through the front door and began shattering bottles full of a roiling blue-pink liquid that fizzled on the floor and turned into some kind of cloudy gas that put everyone to sleep. It was thick and cloying and filled the air in seconds. They managed to get the lord while he was settling down for his dinner. He faceplanted into his soup and drowned in it because there was no one that could help him. They were all completely asleep.

The Shamans took no prisoners, and did not intentionally harm anyone in their raid. They only came for their fellow Shaman. No bits were stolen, no jewelry was pilfered, not even their food stores were ransacked. They came, they collected their friend, and they left. It sent a clear message: don't mess with the Shamans.

Believe me, they could've done far worse with the time they had, after knocking every single pony in the mansion out. Can you imagine the havoc they could've caused if they'd done something as simple as mixing poison joke with the wine in the cellar? You don't want to know what that stuff can do to you if you ingest it. That's not even mentioning the numerous other kinds of concoctions they could've used. Equestria is barely scratching the surface of what's possible with potions in comparison to the Shamans no doubt, and even then we know they could've mixed some things up that could've left every single pony in that mansion in a far worse state. Ever heard of Scopolamine? You don't want to know. Yes, it's a powder rather than a potion, but it's not like potions were the only thing they knew how to do. It was just what they did best.

It's worth noting that that's the only documented case of a Shaman being responsible for anyone's death. They are very non-violent, and tend to run away instead of standing and fighting, unless they absolutely have to. Even then, they'd rather rely on crafty tricks and martial form to disable and flee instead of willingly causing grievous injuries.

It's also the only documented time when a Shaman had actually managed to get captured, and was also the only documented case of a Shaman causing someone's death, albeit indirectly and most likely unintentionally. I did say they were crafty.

This incident wasn't the only one of its kind, just the most well-known. This sort of thing happened off and on in multiple countries, as those in power eagerly went on a hunt to find the scattered Shamans, wherever they may be. They wound up torturing a lot of zebras that had absolutely nothing to do with the Shamans, or were related, but not entrusted with a Shaman's knowledge and wisdom. Fortunately, that sort of thing has died off in more modern times, if only because stuff like that is really illegal to do to anyone.

The most we ever managed to learn about the legendary healing potion was how you used it. You had to drink what was basically a full liter bottle of a semi-viscous liquid, and don't ask me how it tastes. You have to down the entire thing within a minute, or else the effects of the potion will be vastly diminished. The pay-off, however, is that any recent injuries, life-threatening or otherwise, will be rapidly healed as the potion gets into your system. That's leaps and bounds beyond anything medical science has been able to manage, if my broken snout at this point was any indication.

The Shaman that dared to part with that information called the potion 'The Fool's Errand'.

To put it simply, I have a great amount of respect for the Shamans. In a time when things were often kill or be killed, they sought unity among their people. They preached peace, they strove for it even when their own people refused to see them as anything more than another conquest. Even then they maintained their policy of non-violence as much as they possibly could. That takes balls. It's easy to let go of your morals and ethics in the face of overwhelming pressure or odds, but they never bent under all of it, even hundreds of years later. I applaud them for that.

Which was why hearing Pinkie call Zecora an evil enchantress really made my blood boil.

"Pinkie."

She continued to hop around me, looking me over. "Hmmmmmmm....!"

"Pinkie," I stated firmly, stamping a hoof for emphasis. "She's not an evil enchantress, and I won't tolerate you calling her that."

"Well that's just what an enchanted pony would say!" she said, pointing an accusing hoof at me. "How do I know you're not a mind-controlled thrall of hers now?!"

I sighed heavily and ran a hoof down my muzzle. "Pinkie...really? Do you not recall-what are you doing?"

I could feel her unique brand of mind magic at work. It felt almost childish as it brushed against my safeguards, and I blinked at the sight of Pinkie skulking low to the ground and waddling like a fucking crab around my left side. As soon as she was out of what I estimated would normally be my line of sight if I were still looking at where she'd been previously, she leaned over uncomfortably close to me, hovering her head and forelegs over my back.

"For all I know, you could be here to mind-slave me as well!" she shouted, drawing the attention of the few other patrons that had holed up in Sugarcube Corner as well.

I glared at her and leaned in, narrowing my gaze. "Do you not remember the discoveries we both made in the Everfree Forest? I mean, is this just because she's a zebra?"

She hmph'ed and removed herself from my personal space, marching back towards the front counter. "Pff-well yeah, she's a zebra, I know that. But she lives in the Everfree Forest! You can't tell me that's not weird."

"Pinkie, has she done anything to hurt anyone?"

"Well...no," she said, taking her position behind the counter once more. "But she might!"

"Has anyone ever tried, I dunno...just talking with her?" I asked, feeling the vein in my forehead pulsing as my frustration increased.

"What?!" she barked out at me in a half-shout, her ears flattening against her head. "And risk getting turned into some kind of voodoo zombie?! No way!"

I could feel my right eye starting to twitch already. Given what I had planned, this was not the day for that kind of bullshit. I did my best to calm down, taking deep breaths even as the delicious aroma of sweet baked goods began to thoroughly permeate my nostrils.

"Soooo...no one's talked to her, or anything remotely close to that," I deduced, approaching the counter. "What caused ponies to think of her in such a way?"

"Roseluck and Lily!" she stated, as if I was supposed to know who those two ponies were. "They said that she was talking to them in a weird way, and she was muttering some kinda weird chant in a different language while she was walking away from them. The next day, they both got sick!"

"Aaand you immediately jumped to the idea that she was...what, cursing them?" I asked, my voice flat as could be.

"No, Roseluck did!" she said, leaning over the counter towards me. "She said she could feel something weird happening to her while the zebra was walking away."

"Pinkie," I said, exasperated. "Pinkie. I can't think of a way to be gentle about this, so I'm just gonna come out and say it."

"Say what?" she asked, her natural innocence shining through once more.

I reached for her with both of my forehooves and cupped her cheeks, staring into her eyes. "You're an idiot, and every single pony that listened to this Roseluck is as well."

"Hey! That's not very nice," Pinkie said, batting my hooves away and frowning. "You apologize."

I shrugged at her. "I'll apologize when you talk to, uh...well shit, I didn't get her name either. Anyways, you have to apologize to her as well. Then I'll apologize to you."

"Fine. I'll agree to that," she said, pointing past me to my left. "But you do need to apologize to my customers."

I turned my head to spot two ponies that were eating in a nearby table, both of them giving me a dirty look. I met their gazes head-on, and after a tense moment, they backed down. I looked back to Pinkie, utterly confused by it, but she just gave me an even sterner glare while firmly pointing at them once again.

"What do I need to apologize to them for?"

"I don't know, but something you said upset them, I could see it from here," she stated, reaching over the counter to push me towards them. "Now go be a good pony and apologize!"

I sighed and did as I was told, though I had to wonder what made her think she could just tell me what to do. I approached the two at the table and put on a good ol' act of actually being sorry for what I said, while also instructing them in the clear difference between a Zebrican-Equestrian and a Zebrican. The zebra in question was obviously the latter, though I couldn't give a clear explanation as to why she spoke in rhyme. I had to just let that slide as a 'quirk'.

Even after that, they made it clear that that didn't prove she wasn't some kind of witch. Even though her strange way of speaking and her odd accent were clear indicators that she wasn't from Equestria, and she could've been saying anything when she walked away from this Roseluck mare. I think I lost a millimeter or two from my teeth, I was grating them so hard from their stupidity. I watched them leave while suppressing the urge to pick up the nearest baked good and throw it at the back of their heads.

Pinkie approached just as I slumped down in a seat, resisting the urge to bang my head against it. "There. That wasn't so bad, right?"

"No, it was only like pulling teeth instead of shattering them," I said, brushing a hoof over my mane while sitting up. "Sorry for insulting your customers like that."

"Uh-huh," she uttered, placing a plate with three cupcakes down in front of me. "It's fine, you apologized."

"Didn't get their names either. Ah well," I said, looking down at the plate. "What's this for?"

"For being a nice pony! Also because I'm sorry," she said, plopping herself down in a chair opposite from me. "I made you upset."

"No more than Rarity did yesterday. It's no big deal."

"Huh? What'd Rarity do?"

I shook my head. "Let's just say there's something about me that really bugs her and leave it at that. Something different from most ponies."

"Oh...well, that sucks," she said, frowning slightly. "Anyways, those cupcakes are chocolate with strawberry frosting, so dig in!"

I picked one up and bit into it. "Just what my belly needs. I'll have to burn this off later."

"Just do it the way I do it! Hop everywhere you go!" she said, her cheery grin almost face-splitting in its scope.

"...Huh. Actually, that would burn off a lot of calories, wouldn't it?" I idly mused while the delicious flavors of artificial strawberry and chocolate assaulted my taste buds. "I don't think I could handle it though. To say nothing of my bad hindleg."

"Yeah, probably not," she said, leaning the elbow of her foreleg on the table, resting her cheek on the flat of her hoof. "I've been doing wacky stuff since I was a little filly. It just comes naturally to me. Plus it lets me eat tons of sweets every day!"

"Mm. Yeah," I said, taking a moment to swallow. "You're definitely a very energetic mare, from what I've seen."

"Yeeeah! Not so much today though. My tummy hurts." she said, curling her other foreleg over her stomach.

"I'm guessing you fell victim to whatever happened yesterday in this area?" I asked, taking another bite of the cupcake and, upon realizing there was only a small piece left, stuffed the rest of it into my mouth.

She visibly wilted upon the mention of it. "Uh-huh...ponies got food poisoning from the free samples Applejack and I made."

"Called it," I said, swallowing what I had in my mouth in chunks, so as not to choke on it. "I had a feeling she was involved. She mentioned helping you out with something yesterday."

"Yeah, something must've gone wrong."

"Yeah, Applejack was what went wrong," I said, glancing down at my plate, eyeing the other two cupcakes. "You want one?"

I watched her face turn green for a moment, and she turned her gaze away from the sweets. "No, that's alright. Actually, the smell in here is making me queasy, but it's my shift to work the front counter today, so...just gotta deal with it."

"Try brewing some lemongrass into tea. It really helps soothe an upset stomach caused by food poisoning. I'd also recommend eating some raw ginger, aaand maybe drinking some peppermint tea as well, freshly-brewed from natural ingredients. Not store-bought tea bags."

"Lemon grass?" she said, blinking in confusion. "What's that? Ooh, is it grass that tastes like lemons?!"

"It's a kind of tall-growing, citrus-flavored, wide-bladed grass," I explained, taking another, smaller bite of a second cupcake. "Helps flush out microbes and other things that might cause...er, unfortunate, persistent visits to the bathroom. You can probably just eat it raw as well, but everything I've read suggests tea. Easier for your stomach to digest."

"That's neato! You really know your stuff!" she said, seeming just a bit more perky despite her sickness.

"Heh, thanks. I do read a lot," I said, clearing my throat as a bit of cupcake got stuck in it. "Uh, can I get some water?"

"Okie-dokie! Be right back!"

I watched her hop to her hooves in an instant, that energetic behavior coming back full-force as she headed for the kitchen. I watched her bounce up and down on her hooves, though not quite with the same vigor as she did when I first met her, and I couldn't help but think that that couldn't possibly be doing her stomach any favors. I was proven right immediately after she rushed back in with a glass of water for me.

The shift between jubilance and alarm was almost instantaneous. We both heard her stomach gurgle, her tail reflexively curled under her, and she ran off upstairs as fast as her legs could possibly carry her. I didn't want to imagine what was happening in the bathroom up there, but suffice it to say, I really hoped she made it on time.

Deciding to do something nice for my fairly new friend, I quickly finished my cupcakes while she was preoccupied upstairs and headed out to try to track down a store that sold what I needed to help Pinkie out. That proved to be harder than I expected, especially for a rural town. You'd think ponies out here would be all about the herbal remedies.

It actually took me a few hours to track a place down. Gave me time to ponder on the encounter with Pinkie Pie, at least. Specifically, it gave me a chance to think about when she'd done her little scuttle-walk around me while her mind magic brushed against my own. Based on past experience, limited as that experience may be, her unique brand of mind magic had the potential to tap into an unguarded mind's sense of perception, altering it and promoting certain feelings to fit Pinkie's agenda. Whatever that agenda might be, I don't think even Pinkie knows whenever it happens, since she has no real control over it.

The lack of control was particularly alarming to me. From what I could tell, she'd been doing this throughout her life without having any real control over what it did to her unintended targets, but thus far, she hadn't hurt anyone. At least, not from what I could see. I would have to peer into a few minds later to check. Mister and missus Cake seemed like good targets. They were around her the most. It would be a rather invasive look into their private lives, but, well...what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. It's a secret to everybody.

My training with just about all kinds of magic has taught me that having control over what that magic is doing is the only safe way to use it. To not have control is to welcome absolute chaos to descend upon you. Just look at what happened to my revolver and my pistols when I clashed my magic against Nightmare Moon's. Telekinesis is the most innate thing that every unicorn has, and even something that basic and normal for a unicorn to use can go completely batshit once control is taken away. My guns getting crushed into a ball was a tame outcome compared to what could've potentially happened.

Now try to consider what uncontrolled mind magic could do to the psyche of a victim.

However, upon further pondering on the matter, it's statistically impossible that there isn't some form of natural control over what her mind magic does to the victim. From what I knew at the time, it had a basic pattern: pleasant positive influence on the victim's emotions, possibly to make them more receptive or compliant to her advances, and an alteration of the victim's perceptions.

I would need to do some studies in order to pick apart what exactly is happening to those influenced by Pinkie's antics, so once I found what I needed to help her with her food poisoning symptoms, I resolved to do something very risky and let my guard down. All defenses down, I would just let her in, whenever it happened. I'm more aware of the 'sensation' of mind magic influencing you, and while my defenses would be down, I would be all too careful about it.

I formulated a hypothesis as I returned to Sugarcube Corner. Ponies didn't seem to consider Pinkie's antics to be anything out of the ordinary, and if they noticed any unusual things due to her antics, I hadn't heard about it. I made a point of questioning several ponies I passed by on the way back just to be sure. Out of the twenty ponies I questioned, two of them noted that 'time seems to fly when Pinkie's doing her thing'.

That only made me put further faith into my hypothesis. While Pinkie can influence the minds of those around her without any control over when it happens or to whom it happens, there's no way she can influence the passage of time. While some would pass off 'time flying by' as just enjoying themselves in Pinkie's presence, I had a different idea, and it was because of the way she scuttled around to my side when I first arrived at Sugarcube Corner earlier.

I hadn't detected it when I first met Pinkie. The way she moved impossibly fast and in odd ways while in the air, and how she seemed to teleport around at the party they threw in the library when Spike and I arrived later that evening. She'd been influencing my mind without me realizing it at the time. That was the only explanation that made sense. That was just how insidious it was. For all I knew, I'd already fallen victim to it even after becoming aware of it without even realizing it at the time.

If she could influence someone's mind in a way that makes it seem like she appeared out of nowhere, that would mean that time would have to pass by in an instant from their perspective while it still passes normally to Pinkie. Maybe a few seconds here and there, not something that most ponies would notice unless they were habitual about checking the time. Even then, without knowledge of mind magic, how could they come to the same conclusion I had?

My hypothesis, of course, required experimentation, and in this particular scenario I could only depend on first-hoof experience of the influence. I can't fully describe how hard it was for me to let my guard down once I returned. As I've said previously, I have trust issues, and I was knowingly allowing someone direct access to my mind. I mean damn, I couldn't have started with some trust falls first or something like that?

As it turned out, I didn't have to wait long. Even as I got permission to go into the kitchen to brew some fresh tea for Pinkie, who was still upstairs, I remained aware and open. While I was doing that, Mrs. Cake went upstairs to let Pinkie know I'd returned with a few things that would help her out. She and her husband were really lucky they weren't around to feel the carnage those poisonous baked goods would've wreaked upon their digestive systems.

I kept my senses sharp as I heard hoofsteps upstairs. I looked at the clock and took note of the time, silently wishing I had some kind of stopwatch to help me in my endeavor. It was only a few seconds after I looked away from the clock that I felt strange. There was a dull sense of euphoria, a feeling of childish happiness that welled up within me out of nowhere. I could tell that it was due to my awareness of the influence that it had such a strong effect on me. Otherwise, it would've been more subdued. As it was, I couldn't resist the smile that began to spread across my muzzle.

This was exactly why I had to sit down and have a very long conversation with Cadance to make it clear to her that I never, ever, wanted to be the victim of her 'love magic'. That exact wording as well, which really offended her, but I had to make sure she understood how I felt about it. Really flowery way to dress mind magic up, if you ask me. I suppose we should all be thankful that her special talent isn't mind magic as a whole, or we would be fuuuucked~! Still, when I'm around her, I have no choice but to let my guard down just in case. Can you imagine the veritable shitstorm that could've descended upon me if I had to explain how I knew how to defend against her love magic?

"You actually went out and got me that stuff?! That's so nice!"

I nearly jumped out of my Celestia-damned skin. This was the first time I'd actually fallen victim to what would eventually become a standard for her...as in, popping up seemingly out of nowhere, and scaring the living shit out of me. Still, I retained my focus, and once I noticed her, I quickly turned my gaze to the clock. Six seconds had passed without me noticing.

I turned my head to look back at her, but she was no longer there. My eyes darted this way and that for what seemed like a few seconds, until my eyes passed over the spot next to me. Pinkie was there, with nary a sound or any evidence that she hadn't been anywhere nearby a second earlier. I looked to the clock again...seven more seconds. The presence in my mind was gone, and she seemed to have settled down. It really freaked me out, but I opted to leave my guard down, in case anything else managed to set her off.

"Whatcha lookin' at the clock for?" she asked, looking down at the tea I'd prepared for her.

"Experimentation to prove a hypothesis," I said calmly, gently tapping the side of my head. "So far, it's proving me correct. Regarding that thing you can do...."

"Thing I can do? What-...oooooohhh....!"

I watched her nervously pick up her cup and blow on it a few times before downing it all at once. I could only imagine the pain in her throat, but she seemed to take it just fine. It says a lot about how dirty my mind is that it instantly jumped to how much punishment her throat must be able to take. Burning your throat and having a cock thrust down your throat doesn't even mesh....!

"Soooo, uh..." she said, her eyes darting this way and that before focusing back in on me. "What was the experiment?"

"You didn't feel it?"

"Feel what?"

"Nevermind. Anyways, I reasoned that that thing you do has to cause time to pass faster for ponies, but only because their perception of what you're actually doing is altered," I explained, taking a sip from my own cup. "Thus far, my hypothesis is being proven correct."

"Oh. Well, okie-dokie then!" she said, grinning. "Anything else you could do?"

I tilted my head this way and that. "Well, I could do something. It's nothing too intense or invasive. I'd rather not do much more than that until you're a hundred percent again."

She wiggled around in her seat. "Ooh, sounds exciting! Okay, do it!"

"Uh...perhaps not here?" I offered, glancing around. "I don't think either of us wants anyone...you know."

"Oh! Sure, c'mon upstairs with me!" she said, hopping out of her seat and bounding towards the stairs.

I followed suit, the kettle of tea and our two cups in tow thanks to my magic. I was fuzzy on how much she'd have to drink before it began to make a difference, or how long it would take in general, but I hoped it worked soon. There was a childlike feel to Pinkie's presence that made the maternal side of me want to smother her with care. I was used to suppressing it a lot, but still, there it was. I suppressed it even further because, well, let's be real about this...regardless of her behavior or personality, it'd be awkward if I, her peer, began to treat her like a child.

She led me up to her room, pink bottom and poofy cotton candy tail bouncing up and down all the way. She couldn't have felt that bad if she was still that energetic, especially considering what happened just before I left. I watched her squee with glee, an actual squee, just as she hopped into the air and flopped down onto her bed. What caught my attention was the little alligator that got bounced into the air in the process. I hadn't seen him before that...at least, I thought it was a he.

The alligator landed on her chest, and she gave him a firm hug. "Hey, Gummy! Have you met Twilight?!"

Nothing but a blank, thoughtless stare was his response, but she seemed to glean something I didn't from it. Actually, the little gator was kinda creepin' me out. I didn't know how long she'd had that thing as a pet, but it couldn't possibly have been safe for her to be jostling him around and holding him that close to her body, let alone her face.

"Well, go say hello then!"

Aaand then she threw him at me.

Well, throwing is a strong term. She didn't exactly go Fastball Special on him or anything. This was more like a lob that just happened to send the gator straight for my face. I swore I saw death coming at me, open maw ready to chomp down on my throat. I didn't even have time or the presence of mind to light up my horn, it took me by complete surprise! I clenched my eyes shut and waited for the pain to come, my entire body tense with alarm and fear. I had no time to scream.

I felt the snap of a maw around my horn, and I shrieked in shock. It was squishy and moist and gross and oh sweet Celestia he's BITING MY HORN!! But strangely, there was no sharpness to it, not tinge of pain that comes with razor-sharp teeth snapping my horn clean off. No, instead I felt a weight shift and the grip loosen, before another snapping noise punctuated Gummy nomming on the back of my mane.

"Hee-hee! He likes you!" Pinkie said, breaking up the sound of my heart racing in my ears. "See? That's how he says hello!"

"Buh...whuh?" I muttered, glancing back at him, watching his blank eyes stare into the void while he held several locks of my mane in his slimy maw. "Wait, what? It felt like he didn't...I mean, I thought he bit me?"

"Gummy doesn't have any teeth! So that's why I named him Gummy," she said, rolling over onto her side, then laying flat on her stomach. "Get it?"

"Uh, yeah! Yeah, yeah I get it," I said, reaching back to try to grab him with a hoof. "How'd he lose his-"

A sudden jerk of movement from Gummy gave me a clear sight of his toothless mouth, the little gator snapping his jaws shut over my forehoof. I could feel him drooling over it, and the way his mouth was molding around the shape of my hoof to a certain extent made me remember the feeling of an old mare's mouth without her dentures in.

Don't you dare ask me how I know what that feels like.

I brought him down carefully to the floor and gently shook him off, staring at the small gator for a moment. He rarely blinked, even when I wiped my hoof clean on the blanket on Pinkie's bed and made a point of poking him on the end of his snout. It only added to the general creepiness of how still and generally idle he seemed to be. Usually you'd at least see a gator maybe...I dunno, inch a leg this way or that, or twitch their tail eventually. If I had just seen him in the store window, I would've mistaken him for some kind of poorly-chosen decoration.

"Gummy thinks you're super-spiffy, Twi-Twi!" Pinkie said suddenly, getting up and sitting on the side of her bed.

I looked up at her, then back down at the gator. "Ah. Well...nice to meet you too then, Gummy."

He responded the only way I think he knew how. He turned towards me and snapped his mouth shut on my foreleg, and made a couple of firm biting motions along it. I could feel his squishy gums through my sleeves and fur, and I had no doubt his slimy saliva was making a mess of that section of my clothes as well. Ew.

I used my magic to float him back over to Pinkie's bed, setting him down next to her. "Right! Now, a quick experiment, then I need to head out. All I need you to do is open your mind, Pinkie."

She stared at me in confusion. "Aaand how would I do that?"

"It's...huh. Right, okay," I said, lighting my horn up. "I'm going to reach out to try and touch your mind. You should feel it when I do it."

"Okay?" she said more as a question than an affirmation.

"When I do that, I want you to close your eyes and take a few deep, relaxing breaths. Try not to think about anything," I said, looking to her bed for a moment while I weaved an all-too-familiar array around the magic building in and around my horn. "You can lay down, if that'll help you relax better."

"Umm...sure, okay!"

I watched her lay down on the bed, forelegs curling around Gummy and pulling him close so she could snuggle him. The utterly placid gator took her attentions in stride, and I closed my eyes to focus on the spell. I didn't want to make any mistakes with this. This is very dangerous magic we're dealing with, and last thing I wanted to do was give her some kind of psychological trauma by accident.

At first, everything went perfectly fine. I touched her mind,and I could feel the natural barriers stopping me from entering. A mind is always guarded, especially against such an alien thing as another person's mind intruding upon them. I could hear her reaction, the rustling of the bedsheets and uncomfortable fidgeting all too telling of how this felt on Pinkie's end. I eased off for a moment until she settled down, ears perked and listening for a chance.

"I know it feels odd Pinkie, but don't worry. I'm not gonna hurt you," I said, clearing my throat. "Now, I'm going to do that some more, and I want you to take some deep breaths and focus on relaxing. Let the tension out of every single muscle in your body. If you need to visualize something soft and squishy, go right ahead. That helps for some people."

I continued to wait until I heard her take a deep breath, and as she exhaled, I brushed against her mind once more. I applied the smallest amount of pressure I could, and instantly, her defenses gave way. That wasn't exactly normal, in my experience. Usually a mind will put up significant resistance, even if you're willing to allow someone to connect with you, to say nothing of those that are entirely unwilling. Using mind magic on those ponies is often fatal if you force the issue, unless you disable their consciousness by putting them in a deep sleep or a hypnotic trance.

The way Pinkie seemed to just...open the door, that had me worried. Then again, this mind magic stuff came naturally to her despite not having a horn, so perhaps I was walking into somewhat unfamiliar territory here. I pushed on and delved just a little deeper, caution filling every 'step' I took.

I was right to be cautious.

Whatever thought or memory I brushed across, it was like stumbling through a tripwire. Everything about the way her mind worked was alien to me, and I couldn't make sense of any of it. Familiar paths and techniques to traverse her mind only made me slog and slow down, and I had an odd loss of individuality that became more prevalent the longer I stayed connected with her. Whatever I did to trigger her, it instantly flooded me with a rush of emotion that blocked out everything else.

Laugh. Laugh at everything. The world's better when you laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and...smile. I should make others laugh! Wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone laughed at all the bad things and never let those bad things get them down?! It's the best feeling in the world when I see others give me a big, genuine smile! The rock farm was really a drag, but I love my sisters so-

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear myself cackling uproarously with an unstoppable urge to laugh. It had completely overwhelmed me, and I was having a lot of trouble keeping a grip on myself. I felt the fleeting presence of memories that weren't my own invading my mind, and like a steel trap, my defenses went up. I snuffed those memories out immediately and rapidly took the array apart, trying to be as careful as I possibly could about it, but when you're laughing that hard...yeah. You get the idea.

When the spell finally came apart, I gasped for air and tried to take stock of my situation. I was collapsed on my side on the floor, chest heaving and my ears ringing. Side-effect of the overload no doubt. I could feel my heartbeat in my temples, and I was slowly becoming aware of a building, raging headache. Fortunately, headaches from this sort of thing tend to fade fairly quick in comparison to the usual methods, so I had nothing to really worry about on that front...though I would need to check myself out later to make sure there was no lasting damage.

I jolted up into a sitting position when I fully remembered my priorities. Nevermind what happened to me, I needed to be sure she was okay! I forced myself to my hooves and glanced at the bed to see her...well, laying there just the same as she was before her mind rejected me with the most bizarre defense I'd ever experienced. Save for her mane and tail. The normally poofy curly hair had gone completely flat.

"Pinkie! Hey-" I said in a hurry, stumbling on my hooves as a bout of vertigo threatened to topple me over. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah...yeah, I'm okay," she said, fidgeting in place. "I feel strange, and I'm not talking about the rumbling in my tummy."

"What's the strange feeling?" I asked, a knot tying itself in my stomach. "Do you feel something like a surge of emotions?"

"Kinda," she said, her voice subdued as she laid her head over Gummy's back. "I think it's from you."

"Alright. Listen, you have to-"

"Do you always feel like this?" she asked, fidgeting a little and tensing the muscles in her forelegs. "I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling...but I know it's sad. And angry. And violent. And lots of things that I'm not. It makes me want to do really bad things and I really don't like it! Make it stop!"

She was starting to panic, and if I didn't stop her, this could wind up becoming a worst-case scenario. I ignored the odd behavior of her mane and tail, and the implications of what she might've picked up from me, and instead quickly grabbed her with my magic and lifted her off the bed, setting her down firmly in front of me, forcing her to sit down. I sat down and grabbed both sides of her muzzle, forcing her to lift her head and look directly at me. I needed her full attention.

"Pinkie, I need you to breathe. Deep breaths, stay calm, I'm right here," I said slowly, patting her cheek with a hoof. "What you're experiencing is an emotional overload, though it's delayed on your end. Stop panicking, and...okay, think about things that make you happy."

She whimpered and I could feel her whole body shaking through her head alone. "Like triple fudge ice cream that I can share with fillies and colts?"

"Yes! Exactly that. Think about how happy they are when you do that," I quickly said, trying to play on what I could glean of her bliss-craving personality. "Oookay, how about, um, taking foals for rides on your back?"

That got a more genuine laugh out of her, though it was garbled by a few sobs, tears beginning to trickle from the corners of her eyes. "I-I've never done that, but I'd like to! Parents don't really trust me with their foals. They think I'm too crazy and random."

"Alright, alright, er...hoooow about..." I said, my eyes darting around the room before settling on Gummy. "Playing a game with Gummy? You two seem really close."

Despite the tears, I saw the corners of her muzzle lift into a wide smile. "Yeah! I like to throw a rubber ball into his mouth for him to catch whenever I'm taking a day off!"

"Okay, good. Just keep breathing. Now, what about...."

This went on for a few minutes longer. It didn't take too long for foreign emotions to filter out of a pony, but it still took longer if you didn't know how to reject them yourself. I got over what happened to me fairly quickly because, y'know, lifetime of practicing mind magic. Pinkie had no such training. All of her abilities seemed innate, and out of her control. I don't even think that retaliation against my intrusion was meant to be hostile or dangerous, it just sort of happened when I slipped up because her mind is...well, different.

"Okay, you okay now?" I asked her carefully, looking her over. "I am so, so sorry about that. That was entirely unexpected."

I blinked as I was suddenly embraced in a bone-crushing hug. I could almost hear my sternum creaking under the pressure of her innate earth pony might, but I knew her intent wasn't to hurt me. Didn't change the fact that I was having some trouble re-inflating my fucking lungs after that. I tried to return the gesture as best I could given the circumstances, but the best I could do was pat one of her forelegs with my hoof. Thankfully, the intensity of her hug let up, and I gasped for air as soon as I was able.

"It's okay, Twilight! Heh," she said, letting me go and wiping a stray tear from the corner of her eye. "Thanks for helping me out. What happened?"

"Well, your mind is...how do I describe it..." I muttered, tapping my chin idly while I got lost in thought. "It would take me ages to explain the intricacies, so I'll put it like this: a pony's mind is something I know. While yours shares certain similarities, there's something distinctly different about it, and that wound up being a serious problem. This sort of thing is why mind magic is illegal."

"What? There are other ponies with brains as weird as mine?"

"No no, that's not what I mean. Mind magic is really dangerous, and there's no real way to avoid that danger during experimentation," I explained, frowning. "And as you've just experienced, when mind magic goes wrong, it goes really, really wrong."

"O-oh. How bad are we talking here?" she asked, still trembling a little as she stood up.

"We got off lucky," I stated grimly, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself down as well. "I was at less risk because I was in control of the spell and I have experience dealing with this sort of thing. You, however, have zero experience in actively controlling it, if you're even physically capable of doing such a thing."

"What could've happened to me?"

"I'd rather not say. Nothing good, let's leave it at that," I said, standing up and clearing my throat. "We won't be doing this kind of experiment again. This was entirely unexpected and far too dangerous. I'll need to come up with a different way of studying your...well, your unique ability. I actually need to write down what little I experienced before everything went wrong."

Pinkie was silent for a moment as I worked to collect myself, before her forehooves tapped against the floor nervously. "Well, what could've happened to you?"

I really didn't want her to ask that question. It wasn't something I wanted to think about myself. That was the sort of thing you went off on your own and freaked out about after the fact, where the less knowledgeable wouldn't be able to see you and thus begin to freak out themselves. It was slowly beginning to occur to me that further investigation of Pinkie's abilities could cause her to fear herself, despite previous evidence showing that she would never intend to harm anyone.

I did of course know what could've actually happened, which was why I was going to make sure to check myself out as soon as possible. Probably before the nap I'd planned to take. There could be stray memories that, if not taken care of right now, could root themselves in my mind and potentially cause some serious complications later on. More extreme outcomes could've had my personality overwritten, for lack of a better term, by her own, partially or entirely. I can't even fully explain what kind of problems that could've caused for the pony I would've become at that point, because I have memories of being someone else entirely. Disassociative Identity Disorder doesn't even begin to describe it.

There's also the possibility that I could've gotten a second personality alongside my own that was also constantly aware and awake when I was. I think those are called tulpas or something. I shudder to imagine a Pinkie-style tulpa being omnipresent in my life.

"Nothing, Pinkie. Don't worry about it," I said, forcing a smile. "I'll be perfectly fine. Remember, I'm the one with the magic here."

"Your smile isn't very genuine...."

I sighed and shook my head. "It's really not something I want to talk about."

"Alright...."

I jolted when she lunged for me, those powerful forelegs curling around my neck and squeezing me tight. It was actually hard to breathe for another reason entirely now.

"One day, I'm gonna take that mask off," she said suddenly, breaking away from the choking hug and resting her forehooves on my withers. "Then I'm gonna make you smile for real."

I took a deep breath and stared at her, narrowing my eyes. "Pinkie...why did you say that?"

"No reason!" she said, grinning wide and leaning away from me. "I need to get back to work, and you need to get going to the market! That was where you wanted to go, right?"

"Pinkie, whatever memories you got from me, you need to forget them. For your sake and because I told you to," I said, walking towards her bedroom door. "You don't want to take those sorts of risks."

"Remember what?" she asked, her mane and tail still flat. "That you've killed ponies?"

I felt my blood freeze in my veins. The cheerful delivery of it, the vague lowering of her voice and tone...she knew things. Things I didn't want her to know, in any way, shape or form.

I spun around almost instantly, it felt like, staring her in the eyes. "Tell me exactly what you saw. I mean it, Pinkie."

She shrunk away from my gaze. "Y-you were a little filly, you wrapped a wire around a pony's neck and-!"

"What else?! Tell me right now!" I demanded, stamping a hoof against the floor.

She whimpered and shrunk down closer to the floor as I loomed over her. "Then another time, you used that magic to mess with someone's head and made her kill her friends!"

"Anything else? Anything at all?"

"No, that's all I saw, I swear!"

We stared each other down for what seemed like forever, the silence in the room becoming an almost palpable source of tension between us. I could hear Gummy's tiny claws clicking against the wooden floor as he waddled towards us, having climbed off the bed at some point. He let out a small, gurgly sound as he opened his maw, and it felt like the tension faded just a little when Pinkie grabbed him and held him close.

"You're not gonna do anything to me now...right?" she asked, her voice quiet and timid. "I didn't want to hide that I knew about those things...it sounded like that'd be a bad idea."

I stared for a moment longer before letting out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding in. "No, I'm not going to do anything to you. I can't exactly blame you for this."

"Oh," she said, shifting uncomfortably in front of me. "So...we're okay then?"

"Maybe. Look, I have things to do, and this was a massive fuck-up on my part," I said, sighing softly. "I'm sure you'll want to know what those memories are about, and I promise that I'll tell you. Just don't talk to anyone about it."

"If I did, I'd hafta tell them how I know, and then I'd have to explain things I really don't want to talk about either, so..." she said, lifting a hoof and going through some familiar motions. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

"Thaaaat means it's a promise you can't break, right?"

"Yup!" she said, her mane and tail suddenly exploding into its usual poofyness. "Because a broken promise is the quickest way to lose a friend!"

"Heh! Well, alright," I said, glancing down at Gummy for a moment before looking back up at her. "Look, I'm really sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen, and I really hate to leave after that, but there's no way for me to safely check you out to make sure everything's okay up there. Not until I can figure your head out, and I don't know if I'll be able to ever do that without causing another incident."

"Oh...so, no more experiments?" she asked, her ears flattening against her skull.

"I never said that," I responded, glancing towards the door. "I have to explore all possible options before I can say that I'm completely incapable of figuring this out, and despite this setback, I'm even more intrigued than before."

"Okay! That was really scary though," she said, picking Gummy up and setting him on her head. "I hope that doesn't happen again."

"Same here," I said, walking over to her bedroom door. "I've got things to do, so I'll see you later, Pinkie."

"It's no problem, Twilight" she said, following me out. "I'll be fine."

"Alright. Make sure to drink more of that tea, too!" I said as we walked down the stairs leading back into the bakery. "It'll help you deal with the worst of it."

Pinkie had managed to recover some of that over-the-top exuberance I'd come to appreciate, since I first met her. It still got on my nerves in too large a dose, I figured that out from the start, but as it stood, I preferred exuberant Pinkie to sad and scared Pinkie. I wasn't even going to bother questioning what was going on with her mane. I was sure that wasn't a perception influence, since I hadn't felt anything at the time. That meant that whatever that was, it wasn't because of her mind magic.

I had really jumped the gun, as the minotaurs would say, going through with this impromptu experiment. Truth be told, at the time, I had no solid plan as to how I'd proceed to figure her unique traits out. How could I have ever predicted her mind functioned completely different from a normal pony's? All I'd done was probe her, the most basic kind of mind magic there is, it's practically a key component of just about every more advanced form of mind magic I know! How could I possibly proceed with my research if it only took a basic probing to set her off?

Not to mention the inherent risk of her learning things I really didn't need her to know. I was hiding my fear as best I could, but once I was away, I could feel myself trembling. My fears were compounded upon the fact that she could, and if I did it again possibly would, find out about what I'm doing. Unless she was a Celestia-tier liar, I believed she really didn't know anything aside from what she told me. But if she ever did learn anything...how could I keep her silent? I couldn't mess with her head, obviously. My only other method of keeping a pony silent was to, well...kill them.

You can probably see why that option was right out the fucking window.

I had to take my mind off of the whole matter. The open market served as a wonderful distraction, but it mostly only dealt in fresh produce, flowers and newly-processed goods. There were a few out-of-town vendors peddling trinkets, charms and tools, but none of that particularly interested me. There was a minotaur in the market selling a variety of more authentic things from the Republic, which also included some zebrican trinkets that drew my attention, but ultimately I bought nothing.

Instead, with my mind still buzzing about what happened with Pinkie, I resolved to get some parchment, any kind, and a set of pens...or quills, as the opportunity presented itself. I ran across that Quills & Sofas store, and I figured that that was surely just a clever form of marketing. There was no way a store could survive only selling two things in a small town like this, right?

I was wrong.

I left that store with a pamphlet on the uses of couches (who the fuck makes these?) and a bundle of quills, along with a few inkwells. The store owner tried to talk my ear off about the usefulness of a quality sofa, but I thankfully managed to slip away before he really got off onto a tangent. Still, I could respect his enthusiasm. Enough to possibly buy a couch from him for my new house back in Canterlot if I couldn't find a sofa that fit my tastes there.

The moment I got back to the cottage, I went to work at the kitchen table, trying to brainstorm for some solutions to the Pinkie predicament. Unfortunately, I got so caught up in it, as I am wont to do sometimes, that the next time I looked at the clock, it was about time for me to lay down and get a quick nap in. It was a good thing Fluttershy came in to ask me what I was up to, or I probably never would've looked away from my work. I organized it all into a stack and took it upstairs, putting it away in my suitcase before I laid down.

I had a long night of work ahead of me, and while I wasn't looking forward to it, it had to be done. After all, I'd already struck a deal with Granny Smith. I could only hope that everything went according to plan.

Author's Notes:

So! Who's tired of all this slice-of-life goodness? If you are, don't worry. It all serves future purposes, and soon we'll be getting back into the muck. Just a few more chapters.