"Wait, why am I joining the Royal Guard?!" Gadget asked in an alarmed tone.

I stepped around from the bed and took another puff of my cigar. "Because it's a very poorly-kept secret among those of us that used to be of that kind of life that the Mafia has extended their influence into the Royal Guard. I need someone I can trust to keep an ear out and keep their nose clean."

"Okay...but what if they try to get to me, as well?"

"Loyalty will be rewarded, and betrayal will be met with a proper punishment. Besides, I have plans to keep you close by," I explained, smiling a little more. "Don't worry. I'm good at taking care of those that work for me."

Gadget snorted at me and frowned a little. "What am I, a pet?"

Rather than answering her immediately, I walked over and reached up, patting her on the top of her head. "Good doggy!"

Oh, the filth inherent in the look she gave me! I couldn't help but snicker while stepping back and motioning between them.

"I assume you two are acquainted by now?" I asked, pulling another cigar out and offering it to Shady.

He took it in his hoof and held it out so I could light it for him. "Yeah, we're all good. Could do without her bringing mares back to the fuckin' hideout, though."

"Oh, this again. I am staying here, I do not take suppressants, I am a hermaphrodite and you definitely are not my type, old stallion!" Gadget said, flicking her tail in irritation. "What do you expect me to do, go without for a whole week?"

"I dunno, get a damn hotel room? Jerk off in a corner or somethin'? Sweet Celestia, it's called a safehouse for a reason!"

"Not to mention, what kind of mare would come back to a dump like this with you?" I said, shaking my head. "In any case, yeah, you should've gotten a hotel room if you couldn't contain yourself. Bad doggy."

I could almost hear her gritting her teeth. Shady was occupying himself with enjoying his cigar, just the same as I was.

"Now if only I had a newspaper-" I began, only to get rather rudely interrupted.

"Yes, I get it, Canterlot!" Gadget snapped at me, crossing her hooves over her chest and sitting back, glaring at me.

"Ooh, touchy," I muttered, waving my cigar about in my hoof. "In any case Gadget, I need to know about your criminal history, so let's make this simple. Have you been convicted of any particularly heinous crimes?"

Her irritation faded in favor of a more thoughtful expression. "Not that I can think of. I have been convicted of robbery and petty theft, but that was a very long time ago, when I was maybe thirteen. There were some accusations of rape, but there were a lot of witnesses that knew what actually happened, so those accusations never stuck."

"Rape? What was the context for it? I'm assuming alcohol was involved."

"Ah, you know," she said, rolling her eyes. "Шлюхи get pretty drunk, get loose with their desires, and the next morning they wake up realizing they have fucked a hermaphrodite instead of a stallion, and they just cannot believe they would ever do such a thing, so clearly I slipped them something or worked some kind of magic on them. That sort of thing."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, nowadays it's dangerous to pick someone up at a bar, though I'd argue you shouldn't be picking up mares that drunk in the first place."

"I formed a bit more self-respect for myself after the first few times," she said, walking over to an old sink on the far wall and checking to see if the water was running. It wasn't. "It was only three times that happened before I resolved to find better places to pick up mares. Never nailed a drunk mare since, unless I knew them from some previous hook-up."

"Well, at least you got wise," I said, motioning to the door. "Shall we, Miss Stud?"

"Eh, what?"

"There are certain requirements, though I can't recall all of them right now," I said, tapping my chin in thought. "I know you need some kind of residence in Canterlot, at least temporarily, in order to join the Canterlot branch."

"There is a branch of the Royal Guard in Stalliongrad. Why did you not have me join them there?" she asked, walking towards the door.

"The Stalliongrad branch isn't equipped for dealing with new recruits. That's part of the reason why you don't see a lot of Stalliongradi in the Royal Guard. Most of them can't handle the warmer climates the rest of Equestria has," I explained to her, looking over to Shady. "We might be back later, if we can't find her a place to live. If you're gone by then, be sure to leave a note addressed to LS."

"LS?" he questioned, quirking a brow.

"Lady Sparkle."

He grunted and gave me a quick nod before retrieving an old-looking hat from one of the beds. It looked worn down and dust-beaten, and I was immediately reminded of that old stetson Applejack wore.

Gadget and I left without any fuss after that. Out in the light of day, it was much more clear that she didn't take the Canterlotian climate all that well just yet. Her fur seemed a bit damp, and she was panting a little after just an hour of walking around. With her permission, we stopped and I took the time to weave a matrix around her barrel that made the air around us circulate faster around her body and through her fur. Believe me when I say, she was quite thankful for it.

I'd overestimated how easy it would be to find her a place to stay. In the end, she didn't have a legal residence, and I had no choice but to have her shack up with me. Unfortunately, that meant I'd need to delay the trip to Ponyville in order to get my own affairs in order and get myself moved out of my parent's place.

It took a few days, I'll admit. I had to take the time to sneak cement into the basement when no one was around and fill in that spare 'experimentation' room of mine, patch up any little hidey-holes I kept around the basement and my lab, move anything incriminating to the safehouse, that kind of stuff. Then it was a matter of finding the right kind of place to move into, and I had to take into consideration the fact that I needed to keep up appearances. That meant getting at the very least a very fancy two-story house, or more preferably a mansion.

Prices were steep, and I didn't really want anything particularly opulent...but at the same time, I wanted a place I could really shape into something uniquely me. Eventually, I settled for an old fixer-upper and had them start from the ground up. It was expensive, but when you're of the nobility, the banks are far more generous with their loans. It wouldn't take me too long to pay the loans off, after all my investments in Stalliongrad.

That still left the problem of Gadget's lodgings, but I figured having her use one of the spare bedrooms at my parent's home would be okay for now. The only real issue I had to worry about now was her lack of an education.

She was in utter awe as we walked towards the palace. The main thoroughfare leading up to the front gates of Canterlot Castle was packed with numerous shops, street vendors, and ponies dressed in rich tailored suits and dresses that probably cost more money than she could ever hope to spend, even on the income she made working at that arena. If nothing else, it shocked her to see just how clean and tidy the city was, outside of the poorer districts.

Funny thing is, what bugged her the most was not having snow under her hooves. She'd grown up with the sensation of icy-cold snow packing in behind her horseshoes and padding her hoofsteps to some extent, along with the squeaking crunch of a fresh blanket of the stuff, but here, it was just...noisy hooves clip-clopping against pavement and stone. She was the observant type of course, so it shouldn't have surprised me that it was the small things that got to her more than the heat.

The arrival at the castle was nothing special, outside of the guards seeming tense at the sheer size of Gadget, and the fact that outside of her groomed appearance, she was a scarred and imposing individual. Even if she totally hit on one of the mare guards on the way in. Gotta hoof it to that guard, she kept her composure until we were out of earshot. Whatever happened after that, I have no idea.

We were escorted to one of the closer meeting rooms before Gadget finally decided she had something to say.

"This place is unnerving," she muttered, tapping her hoof on the table we were seated at. "That mare did not even flinch. What is up with that?"

"They're Royal Guards, Gadget. While they have a wide range of tolerance for their candidates, only the best are chosen to guard the palace," I explained, glancing at the door as someone knocked. "Just try to behave yourself in the presence of the Princess, hm?"

"Yes, Mum," she snarked at me, crossing her hooves over her chest in irritation. Then what I had just said sunk in, and her eyes widened. "Wait. I am meeting the Princess?"

"Princess Celestia, yes." I said, opening the door and letting the servant walk in with a cart in front of her, a tea tray resting on top of it.

I could see the welling panic on Gadget's face, even as the servant began to set the tray on the table along with three empty teacups. "And you did not let me groom myself properly?! I did not even shower!"

"I assure you, she won't care," I said, leaning on the table while we waited for Celestia to arrive, waiting for the servant to leave before continuing. "It's not talked about much, but she spends a decent amount of her free time watching the guards at the training grounds. All musky and glistening with sweat...."

"...Oh," she said, glancing out the glass doors of the nearby balcony. "So she...?"

"Likes watching her ponies working out, flexing muscles and getting all sweaty? Yes. She'll never outright admit it to anyone but me, buuuut...yeah, she's a bit old-fashioned like that. Can't resist the beef," I said, flexing one of my forelegs with a smirk. "But, I didn't tell you anything. Got it?"

"Huh. Yeah, got it," she said, shuffling a little in her seat. "Do you think she would-"

"No, she would not react well to you hitting on her. Please don't."

"Hmph! Spoilsport."

I rolled my eyes and gave her a stern glare. "Try thinking like a pony instead of an animal? This is the Princess of Equestria we're talking about here."

"Your point? Everypony needs a good lay every once in a while," she said, tilting her head a little. "You do not think she went without sex for thousands of years, do you?"

"Of course not! I'd just rather not be the one vouching for you while you're trying to get under my mentor's tail," I hissed out at her, sucking in a breath between my clenched teeth. "I'm serious Gadget. Keep your loins under control. You're trying to get into the Royal Guard, now act like it."

She didn't have much to say after that, something I was thankful for. I'm sure she felt a bit insulted by being told to behave as if she were some kind of petulant hormonal teenager, but I didn't care at the time. I wasn't going to have a new acquaintance embarrassing me by offending my mentor.

Unfortunately, it took Celestia over a half-hour to find time to meet with us. That left Gadget plenty of time to wander the room, rifle through the drawers and examine random baubles and trinkets, do some...push-ups and sit-ups...hm. I felt rather warm suddenly. I had to dismiss myself and slip into the bathroom to calm myself down...and take a suppressant. I hadn't had my morning dose just yet, and I could feel the difference.

It was only a few minutes after I got out of the bathroom that Celestia finally arrived. By that time, Gadget was laid back on the floor, lower body on her seat cushion while she lazily flailed her hooves at the air. It was funny to watch all things considered, but inappropriate for meeting the Princess of the Sun herself. She did at least have the decency to quickly sit up once she realized who was entering the room.

Once she closed the door behind herself, she looked to both of us curiously. "I assume this is the one you spoke of? You seem to have gotten things in order fairly quickly with her."

"Well, I only asked her about it," I explained, motioning to Gadget. "Princess Celestia, Gadget Steelmare. Gadget, Celestia."

"Charmed," Celestia said, walking over and holding a hoof out to Gadget. "I must admit, Twilight hasn't mentioned you before today."

Gadget, to her credit, didn't completely freak out. She just sat there like a rabbit struck with fear at the sight of a timberwolf. Her eyes darted to me, then down to Celestia's hoof, then back to me again. I could almost hear her silent plea of 'What the fuck do I do?!' I suppose it would only be appropriate for me to come to her rescue.

"Apologies Princess, I didn't exactly prepare her for meeting you," I said quickly, cracking a smile. "With how suave she tries to behave, I figured she would've been able to deal with meeting royalty. As long as it wasn't Blueblood."

Celestia smirked at me and lowered her hoof a little. "He does have a habit of giving a poor first impression, doesn't he?"

"First impressions? Try all the impressions ever."

"Yes, everypony is aware of your dislike of him," Celestia said calmly. "Honestly I'm shocked that anyone among the nobility approves of you, with how vocal you are about it."

"Not everyone is eager to run their tongues over his perfectly-tended hooves. Not even among the nobility." I said, waving it off.

Celestia restrained her amusement, and instead directed her curiosity at my companion. Gadget, of course, was wide-eyed and seemingly awestruck at the presence of such a magnificent and otherworldly creature. That had to be why her eyes were consuming the sight of Celestia herself as if there were a belly within them just for deliciously beautiful images.

"I-it is an honor, Princess," she stuttered out, shifting nervously on her seat. "I am Gadget Steelmare."

"Yes, I believe Twilight said as much," Celestia said, smiling wider. "And I am Princess Celestia."

"Oh. Right." Gadget said, her face lighting up with embarrassment.

I couldn't help but laugh, and Celestia joined me. For how brief my association with Gadget was at the time, it was rather amusing to see her so...timid, I guess you could say? Celestia can have that effect on ponies, whether she wants to or not. I was just used to being around her, and I knew her on a more personal level.

"Oh, please do not be afraid!" Celestia said, walking around to take her own seat across from both of us. "Any friend of Twilight's is a friend of mine. Now, what was this about you wanting to join the Royal Guard?"

"Actually, that was my suggestion," I said quickly, holding up a hoof. "I mean all you need to do is give her a once-over and you can tell she'd make a good guard."

"Or a police officer. Very imposing size outside of Stalliongrad. Still, I see what you mean," Celestia said, turning her attention on Gadget. "What do you think of this idea?"

Gadget seemed apprehensive about answering, probably because we hadn't discussed this very much, but I had faith in her ability to play along. She did well enough in Stalliongrad dealing with the police, surely she could handle this?

"Well, it had me nervous at first," she said, shuffling her forehooves on the cushion under herself. "But, Twilight made a good case. Plus, it would be nice to get away from Stalliongrad for once."

"Bad memories?" Celestia asked, her magic going to work on the tea.

"Something like that," she said, looking to the tea kettle as it began to whistle. "What kind of tea is it?"

"I'm not sure!" Celestia said, smiling a little. "My servants tend to serve whatever kind of tea they wish. I enjoy the surprise, though they know my general preferences."

"Ah. I have only ever had tea from those little packets you buy in stores."

The look on Celestia's face was priceless, though it only lasted for a second. Her mouth hung open in silent shock, and her eyes went wide from such a horrifying revelation. To some extent I could understand why she reacted in such a way. I'd become spoiled by her vast collection of tea leaves and little quaint recipes from around the world, and when I tried to make myself a quick cup of tea late one night at home, I damn near choked on the stuff.

"You are a mare of greater constitution than I," Celestia eventually spoke, carefully pouring all three of them a cup. "I could never drink such disgusting swill."

"Ah, it is not that bad," Gadget responded, taking hold of the teacup in her hooves and having a sip. "доброкачественность....! The taste is...some kind of flower?"

Celestia took a slow sip as well, and hummed in appreciation. "Tai Guan Yin, I believe. Imported from Neighpon. A type of oolong, or Wu Long, as many Neighponese would call it."

"It is delicious!" Gadget said, taking another longer drink from her cup. "No wonder you could not drink tea you buy from a corner store."

Celestia visibly shuddered at the thought, while I picked up my cup and took a sip of it myself. This was good. They were getting along remarkably well, just because of their mutual enjoyment of tea. Perhaps if Gadget endeared herself enough, Celestia would try that much harder to get Gadget right where I needed her to be.

I took another sip of my tea and smiled faintly. "I'm actually surprised to learn that you like tea, Gadget."

"Well, I had to drink something with flavor, and I was not going to drink soda," she said, frowning a little. "Delicious as it may be."

"I can't stand soda myself," Celestia said with a small grimace, shaking her head. "I don't understand why so many ponies enjoy it."

I shrugged. "Some don't have the palate for it, I guess. Anyway, we were going to be discussing the Royal Guard, right?"

"Yes, of course. Let's clear everything up," Celestia said, setting her cup down and looking to Gadget with a small smile. "Your criminal record is acceptable if my student is to be believed, but what about your education?"

Gadget remained silent for a moment, which prompted me to speak up. "I...don't know the specifics, but she hasn't graduated high school."

"Ah. That will be a problem, but not one that can't be rectified," Celestia said, picking her cup up in her magic once more. "Miss Steelmare, are you willing to study for your GED?"

Gadget seemed to shift nervously in her seat. "I...never finished middle school, actually."

I choked on my tea for a moment. That...wasn't something I'd known, actually. I didn't think she'd flunked out of school that early!

Celestia's ears flattened when she heard that. "Oh, that is...very unfortunate, but it will simply require further study. Are you willing to study, miss Steelmare?"

"Er, of course..." she said, looking to me uncertainly. "Just how much studying are we talking about here?"

"Just enough to get your GED, and I think I can help you with that. I already home-school Spike."

"...Are you saying your son is smart enough to keep up with a high-schooler?"

I shook my head quickly. "No, but since I get to choose what he spends more time reading up on, I get to cut out all the useless crap that won't help him pay his taxes or make sound investments in his future. Did you know that modern public schooling doesn't even teach you how to make a budget for yourself? S'fuckin' disgraceful."

"Perhaps," Celestia said, waving it off. "But we have had that discussion several times. Best not to get into it again."

"Of course."

The three of us sat there for a time, Celestia and I enjoying our tea while Gadget seemed to sulk in her seat. Ears pinned back and everything while she appeared to be pondering on something. Celestia beat me to the punch, of course. She usually did.

"What troubles you, miss Steelmare?" she asked, pouring herself a fresh cup.

"Hm? Oh, nothing. Just feeling stupid." she said dismissively, picking up her teacup and finishing her drink.

Celestia gently set her cup down once more. "There is only shame in lacking an education if you do nothing to make up for it. Judging by your appearance, I would say you've done well enough for yourself."

"I suppose...." Gadget muttered, rubbing one foreleg with the other self-consciously.

"Of course the important question now is...do you want to do better than you've been doing?" Celestia asked, leaning against the side of the table.

Gadget sat there, glancing over at me a few times while thinking on the question. If you asked me, there wasn't really anything to think about, but then I had my own goals here. Not to mention, it wasn't like Gadget couldn't make a career for herself with the Royal Guard while she was working for me.

"You are a very intense mare to speak with, you know that?" she asked Celestia, downing the rest of her tea and setting her cup down.

"I've been told as much several times."

"You have a way of speaking, like...words within words."

Celestia couldn't help but grin. "And you are very perceptive for a mare out of her element! I suppose my student has an eye for talent. I'm willing to bet she came to the same conclusion I did almost immediately."

I perked up a bit at that. "What do you mean?"

"Her accent, and the fact that she's speaking Equestrian," she pointed out, taking a sip of her tea and looking to Gadget. "You're quite capable, even if you don't realize it or believe it."

The fact that Gadget was blushing from the praise said a lot. I guessed that she wasn't used to getting praise of that sort...or any praise at all for that matter. Then again, not many ponies knew what it was like to be praised by Princess Celestia, of all ponies. Even I'm not immune to it.

"You did not answer my question, my dear." Celestia said while holding her cup to her lips, a small smile hidden behind it.

"Oh! Uh, yes, yes of course," Gadget said quickly, her eyes darting to me for the briefest of moments. "Of course I would like to do better."

"Excellent! Then I expect you to have your GED in record time," she said, motioning to me. "With Twilight's assistance, of course."

I nodded in affirmation while finishing off my own cup of tea. I just couldn't down it the way she tended to, but then her constant habit of working didn't give her the ability to drink something whenever she wanted. Not exactly polite to be sipping tea during court, you know?

"I'm guessing she'll be able to enter into training with your approval, as long as she's working towards getting that GED?" I asked.

"Yes, of course. It wouldn't be the first time." Celestia said, her wings ever-so-subtly adjusting against her sides.

"Works for me," Gadget chimed in, shifting back in her seat. "Is that all, then?"

"No, unfortunately. This seems to be rather out of the blue, so I assume you don't have a place of residence?" Celestia asked her, her smile fading.

"Er-"

"Actually, she'll be staying with me until she can get her own place," I said, quickly interrupting them both. "We tried to look around earlier, but there wasn't really anything within her budget."

"You certainly seem to be dedicated to her, Twilight." she said, her eyes lighting up with mischief.

I decided not to play along. "She saved my life. Why shouldn't I show a little dedication?"

Unfortunately, Gadget was not of the same mindset as I. A few seconds later, I felt a thick foreleg snake around my back and suddenly pull me to my right. My forelegs flailed for a moment before I fell against Gadget's side, my eyes wide in surprise while she gave me a squeeze.

"Oh, you have caught us, your majesty! She tries to hide it, but she cannot resist me," she boasted, an overly dramatic sigh leaving her muzzle. "She will be the first of many in this town, I am sad to say. I cannot settle for just one!"

"Oh, goodness gracious!" Celestia gasped, a hoof moving to cover her muzzle as if in shock. "You are a prolific philanderer? And you have seduced my student? Oh, the scandal!"

"Ooh, yes, she cannot help herself," Gadget said even as I tried in vain to escape her grasp. "She is моя дорогая кобыла."

"She wishes I couldn't help myself," I countered, finally wriggling free of her grip, snorting and cracking a false smile. "She tried, but she wasn't getting anywhere under my tail."

Gadget hmph'ed and made another grab for me, but I ducked away. "She is very shy, your majesty. Do not mind her."

"Oh, I know. I've made my own moves on her, but she never takes the bait." Celestia said, faking a pout.

I couldn't help but feel my eye twitch. "But-you never-!"

Celestia's laughter cut in, as she seemed unable to keep her little game going any longer. Gadget joined in, and soon I was just a grumpy mare with her forehooves crossed over her chest, pouting the most epic of pouts. I don't know why I didn't immediately realize that Celestia was fucking with me, but I suppose back then even someone as used to her presence as myself tended to get caught up in the whole 'infallible Goddess-figure' thing she had going on. Despite being well aware of the fact that she was far from perfect.

"Oh, I like you!" Celestia said with a happy smile, her focus on Gadget. "You certainly have a sense of humor. Most that I deal with would be bordering on screaming blasphemy for you speaking of such things in my presence."

"Aww, I did not even get to make a 'hot for teacher' joke," Gadget said, faking a small pout. "You gave up too quick, Princess."

"You both can bite me," I said, snorting and struggling to hide my smirk. "Anyways. This'll all work out just fine?"

"Of course," Celestia said, her horn lighting with a quick snap of magic. A few minutes later, Swirling Breeze entered with just a few knocks on the door. "Swirling, can you retrieve the papers and documents necessary for miss Steelmare to fill out in order to join the Royal Guard?"

Swirling did as she was told without complaint, and we spent the rest of the time making small-talk until Swirling came back to escort Gadget out of the room, papers in tow. I was sure Gadget would get me back for it later, since she had no idea the stacks of paperwork she was getting herself into. I saw the stack once when Shining first joined, and that looked very unpleasant. Well, unpleasant for someone like Gadget anyway, someone that had never really done paperwork of any level of complexity before.

Celestia and I talked for a little while longer, but things felt...strained, somehow. While we still conversed, there was a certain awareness she had of what she should avoid talking about. It was bothersome to say the least. Still, it wasn't something I could confront her about. I knew why she was avoiding questioning me about anything. The less she knew, the better for both of us. Instead, we just talked about the more legal parts of my visit to Stalliongrad.

I left once Celestia decided she would check in on how Gadget was coming along. Plus, she needed to introduce Gadget to Shining Armor, aaand we may have failed to mention it sooner, but she wasn't aware that Gadget was a hermaphrodite that didn't take suppressants. While the guard didn't necessarily have an issue with that, it was unusual for a member of the guard to not be on suppressants if they were our brand of hermaphroditic. Throws their self-control into question and all that jazz.

Still, I was confident that Gadget could function just fine without the stuff. She'd proven as much thus far, and while she was very flirtatious and shameless, I'd hardly hold that against her as a sign of a lack of self-control. If anything, it'd just make things around here interesting...as long as she did her job, that is. So help me if she wound up getting kicked out because she couldn't keep her dick in her sheath....

In any case, I was just glad to finally have all that taken care of. There were other things I could've been doing, but after everything was said and done, I just wanted to go home and relax. Before heading to Ponyville, I mean. Spike had different plans, however.

Soon I found myself heading out on a merry jaunt to the comic book store, where I bought him a new comic in...some series he liked, I don't remember. Needless to say he got a new one every month for that series and despite his behavior the previous evening, I had no intention of depriving him of one of his recreations. Besides, if I wanted him to sit still on the train to Ponyville, I'd need something to keep his inquisitive mind occupied, right?

With his comic book bought and the day ticking by before our eyes, we ventured back home and began to pack for a short stay with our new friends, which I can assure you, he was all too excited about. I've already mentioned how most won't let him play with their children in Canterlot, so the idea of being able to go to Ponyville and actually run around with ponies his age? Yeah, he was more than eager. I was just looking forward to some down-time.

With both of us ready to go, we headed for the train station and bought a pair of tickets for a quick trip to Ponyville. I'd made the mistake of not getting certain phone numbers before heading back to Canterlot, so I couldn't call Applejack or any of the others to find somewhere to get myself set up for a time. Ah well, I was sure it'd be fine.

Author's Notes:

This chapter was kinda fun to write. Still, I'm more looking forward to the next few.