Now, I have said this many times, but I'm no bitch. When I'm in the kind of situation where I could die without even seeing it coming, I don't puss out like some pansy-ass coward. I may retreat, and then come at the problem from a more advantageous position, but I don't run.

However, in those situations, I had my magic at my disposal. Also guns. Usually.

That mouth wasn't open as far as it could've been, apparently. There was a low growl emanating, and those lips were curling back a little to really show off those long rows of carnivorous incisors in all their off-yellow, nasty glory. I guess Fluttershy actually helped take care of his teeth. Those things should've been brown.

You have no idea how hard I was trying to teleport away, but that inhibitor ring was zapping me every time I put even a little magic into my horn, and it only zapped me harder the more magic I poured into it. Not to mention every time I tried, my headache began to come back in surging waves, further encouraging me to stop.

Without my magic at my disposal and no gun to fight back with, not that a pistol would do much in this situation if you think about it, all I could do is feel the terror wash over me and make me lock up, helpless in this much more powerful creature's grasp. I watched his maw open wider, and a moment later, all I could hear was his loud, echoing roar. All I could smell was fish, even as his spittle flecked all over my face.

Obviously, I responded calmly and assertively.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-!!!"

Yes. Quite calm and assertive, given my situation. I was screaming my head off as calmly as I possibly could, and I was asserting the fact that I was about to shit my pants. I was all too sure that that was how Lady Twilight Sparkle of the Sparkle Family was going to go out. Not by gunfire, not under the knife of some street psychopath, but with her face mauled off and her underwear full of last night's thoroughly processed dinner.

"Harry Bearington!!"

The sudden end of his roar did not come with the end of my scream. I screamed until my lungs were empty, and only then did I go quiet, my entire body shaking with a mix of adrenaline and pure, unfiltered fear for my life.

Fluttershy marched right up next to us and stomped down hard with a hoof. "You put her down this instant, young ursine!"

He did as he was told. Bless that angelic mare, he did exactly what she told him to do, and is it strange that I found it arousing seeing her go all alpha female on him? It was kinda hot, I'm not gonna lie. You don't expect the gentlest mare in Equestria to talk a bear down and make him feel bad in the process.

I stood there while she reprimanded him for his 'bad behavior'. Yes Fluttershy, you could call being one chomp away from killing me a kind of bad behavior. Maybe. I guess. Personally I would go for ponyslaughter, but then maybe I'm just too jaded...or not jaded enough, if attempted murder passes as merely bad behavior around here.

My entire body shook like a leaf in the breeze, and my insides were still doing flips from what had just transpired. I found myself reaching for my pocket to grab my cigar case, but once again, it was missing. If ever there was time for a cigar....

"Angel bunny told you what?!"

My ear flicked at the name, and I scowled. Instantly, the pieces fell into place, and I had to resist the urge to run into that house and drag him off to Canterlot for some very fatal disciplinary measures. She'd never find the body. They never find the body when I'm done.

Even the cackling laughter of a cloud overhead wouldn't pull me away from my wicked thoughts of bunny murder.

I wasn't paying too much attention to their conversation. It wasn't until Fluttershy approached me and the bear began to stalk away, sulking and groaning a kind of whining noise, that I snapped out of it. At some point, she'd gotten a cloth, and she offered it. I accepted it and only then realized that there was some foreign flavor in my mouth. I resisted the urge to vomit and retreated into Fluttershy's house, going right for the mouthwash. Some of that bear spittle had gotten in my muzzle while I was screaming, eeeww!

With a good excuse to get an update on my immunization injections, I stepped back outside, pointedly ignoring the animal carrier Angel was hiding in. If I looked, he might be there looking back at me, and then I might have to make him disappear before leaving the cottage. That wouldn't be good for anypony. Well, except for me. It'd feel really good to feel him squirm and hear him scream in agony....

Fluttershy didn't even have a chance to say anything when she approached me, with Rainbow Dash at her side. I guess she was the one up on the cloud laughing her flank off at my misfortune. Bitch.

"I'm going to turn your rabbit into a comfy set of earmuffs if he ever tries something like that again."

"Hah!" Rainbow Dash barked, holding a forehoof up at me. "I like the sound of that!"

"H-hey! Angel only meant well!" Fluttershy said, scuffing the ground with her hoof. "He thought you were taking advantage of me, a-and hurting me..."

Rainbow Dash's cheery demeanor disappeared for a brief instant, her eyes looking me over for a moment while I processed what Fluttershy had said. Judging by how she turned beet-red and looked to Rainbow suddenly, she didn't entirely think about what she was saying either.

Rainbow shrugged it off and waved her hoof as if to swat a fly away. "Ehh, he's just a jerk sometimes. Plain and simple."

"He means well!" Fluttershy re-asserted, lowering her head. "He's just very protective of me."

"Yeah, I'll say," I muttered. "He sicced a bear on me."

"Harry's not usually like that. He just doesn't really...question things he's told," Fluttershy muttered. "So when Angel told him that you were being really mean to me, and treating me bad, he decided to do something about it. B-but he never would've actually hurt you! Just, um, scared you off."

"What, he doesn't have it in him?" I asked, looking off in the distance, where the bear was tucking into his shelter.

"He was raised with ponies in a circus. He doesn't have a violent bone in his body, at least not around me," Fluttershy said, that faint smile of hers widening. "Being able to actually communicate with animals has its perks."

"Why isn't he with the circus anymore?"

"Oh, the circus he was a part of got shut down. He was really grouchy and temperamental before I took him in here," Fluttershy said, looking over at the woods. "I used to have problems with timberwolves going after the chickens in my coop. Then Harry asserted that this was his territory, and those monsters know better now."

"Yeah, Harry's pretty cool," Rainbow said off to the side, flying upside-down, pretending to recline on nothing. If I didn't know what I did about pegasus magic, I'd say she was showing off. "Long as you don't mess with Fluttershy, anyways. Heh, one heck of a bodyguard you've got!"

Fluttershy smiled at that and shook her head. "You know that's not why I like having him here, Rainbow."

"Yeah, yeah...oh, right," Rainbow said, flipping over and landing back on the ground. "AJ asked me to come get you Twilight. Spike's up, and he's gettin' kinda antsy about you not bein' around."

"So that's why you were here," I muttered, looking over to Fluttershy. "Uh, could you maybe find time to meet up with us at the library later?"

"Around what time?"

"Hm. Not sure," I said, looking over to Rainbow Dash. "Would you mind going to get her? Maybe around noon?"

"Uhhh...wait, what?" she asked, the dumbfounded expression on her face only slightly amusing to me.

"I've got something I need to tell all of you, and someone's convinced me not to put it off," I explained, briefly smiling over at Fluttershy. "So I'm hoping that you all can come to the library for a brief period so I can tell you all at once."

"...Well okay," Rainbow said, shrugging a little and flitting her wings. "I guess I can come around to get Fluttershy later."

"The others, too?"

"Others?"

"You know, the other ponies that helped us save the world?"

"Oh! Right, sure," Rainbow said, a slow smile widening into a full-on grin. "Saving the world...still can't believe that I'm a world-renowned hero."

"Yeah, you and me both," I said, spotting Fluttershy speaking to a small mouse that'd approached her. "We're heading out now, Fluttershy!"

She perked her ears and turned to look over at me, nodding once. "Alright! I'll be here!"

With a brief goodbye from Rainbow Dash as well, she and I headed back towards town, making our way towards Sweet Apple Acres. The entire time, Rainbow was giving me strange looks. Just kinda looking me over out of the corner of her eye, as if she was trying to judge me. Eventually I looked over at her in return.

"Something I can help you with?"

"Eh, it's nothing!" she said far too quickly for her to be convincing.

"Right. In any case, I'm thinking maybe around noon, you could get everyone to come to Golden Oaks?"

"Yeah, sure, no problem."

"M'kay."

We kept on walking. I knew it was coming, I was just waiting for it. I didn't exactly know what she was going to ask, but I was certain it involved Fluttershy.

"So. You fucked Fluttershy?"

I blinked at that and looked over at her. "I don't see how it's any of your business whether I did or didn't."

"Uh, yeah, it is," she said, glancing around. "'Cuz I know how she is. Better than you."

"Uh...huh. That still doesn't make it seem like it's any of your business."

"Okay look, I don't want any details," she said, shrugging it off and looking away from me. "Just make sure you sit her down and talk things out with her. She's kinda fragile."

I shook my head at that. "She's a grown-ass mare, Rainbow. I'm quite sure she'll be fine."

"Okay, maybe I wasn't being clear."

Her hoof found my wither, and I found myself being halted in my tracks by a surprisingly firm grip. She pulled back and urged me to turn to face her, and she stopped to look me right in the eyes, her brow furrowed and her eyes glaring into my own. Apparently civility was out the window in this scenario.

"You need to sit her down and talk to her before you wind up hurting her."

I stared at her, glanced down at the hoof on my wither, then back up at her. "And how would I hurt her, exactly?"

"You saw how she was last night," she said, stepping back. "You're now in the same position several other stallions and mares have been in, and it hasn't always ended nicely. She gets attached. She doesn't get the message unless you sit her down, demand her attention, and talk it out with her."

"...You seem remarkably well-informed on her sexual escapades." I muttered.

She rubbed one foreleg against the other, looking away from me. "I got curious when we were younger, and she's very...well, she can be affectionate if you let her. That's when she gets attached. But I just wasn't into it," she said, shrugging. "She's really attractive and all, but I'm just not into mares."

I snorted at that and grinned. "Bet your mane makes everypony think otherwise."

"Hey, you bashin' my style, egghead?" she asked, smirking and giving me a nudge with a hoof. "Them's fightin' words."

"Eh, I'll kick your ass later," I said, looking back down the path, where we'd come from. "So. Desperate?"

"Not...mmgh, I don't wanna say she's desperate," she said, rubbing the back of her neck. "Just, I dunno, she's kinda...she's got a big heart, and when you let her in, she doesn't know how to stop giving you that big heart of hers unless you lay it out just so for her. She loves very easily."

"Hm. I'll keep that in mind."

"Hey, I'm not messin' around here. Fluttershy's been my friend since Flight School," she said, pointing a hoof at me. "You hurt her, I make sure you eat your teeth. You get me?"

I leaned back away from her hoof and nodded. "Yeah. I got it, it's fine. I'll talk with her before I go back to Canterlot."

She spread her wings and fluttered into the air. "Good. Anyways, noon right? I'll be around! You said you wanted me to get the others too?"

"Well I'd appreciate it. I just need some assistance because I plan on taking Spike out for some ice cream. You know," I said, waggling a hoof in the air with a small 'woo'. "Saving the world celebration, just the two of us."

"Sure, got it! You can probably tell Applejack too, while you're at it. Anyways," she said, pointing to the sky. "I need to get back to work. See ya!"

With that, Rainbow was off in a blur. Damn, and I'd forgotten to ask about how much rainbow she has to use in her mane and tail to get it to look like that! Ah well, I'd find out later anyways, so it was no big deal.

We'd gotten far enough along that I could make my way back to Sweet Apple Acres just fine on my own. When I arrived, ponies were milling about, several of them looking like warmed-over Tartarus, while others were helping them get back to their homes. Things must've gotten wild after Fluttershy and I left, and that's saying something!

I walked past several members of the Apple Family that were chatting it up, asking around for where Applejack was. I could hear hooves clonking loudly against tall, solid apple trees in the distance, far more than just one or two ponies, and I could tell that AJ had some assistance today. Considering her entire extended family was still sticking around after last night, that wasn't all that surprising.

After somepony pointed me in the direction Applejack would be working at, and after that someone told me she had a little dragon walking around listening to her talk about bucking apples, I made my way through the orchard, following the pathways she'd directed me towards until I found some other ponies working as well. They pointed me right to where Applejack was.

When I found her, Spike was sitting on her back, munching on an apple. He ate those things differently from ponies, in the sense that with those sharp teeth, he just munched it down core and all. It took me a long time to get him out of the messy way he used to eat. You know those documentary videos about lions hunting and killing their prey, then just burying their face in the stomach and omnomnom'ing away? Yeah, he used to be like that with apples and other foods when he was a little newborn. The apple guts that marred his face, his hands and his surroundings when he did that...ugh. Such a hassle to clean up!

She was walking around a tree, looking up into the branches of it before nudging some large wooden baskets into position, nudging them this way and that. By the time Spike had finished his apple, she was just finishing getting them into place.

"A'right Spike, now just hop on down an' I'll show ya how us Apples do a good old-fashioned applebuck!" she said, the muscles in her hindlegs visibly tensing as she prepared.

"Okay!"

I watched them while approaching, a small smile gracing my muzzle as I watched Spike give Applejack his undivided attention. I focused in on how she was turning and seeming to 'prep' her hindlegs for what she was about to do. She was quick about it. I almost didn't see the burst of magic in the instant she bucked the side of the tree. A resounding wooden clunk was heard, and suddenly the tree dropped all of the apples it had in its branches.

"That's cool!" Spike said suddenly, walking up to one of the bins and looking into it, before looking up into the tree. "Is that magic?"

"Eeyup!" she said, standing tall and proud as she stamped one of her hindlegs. "Been workin' these babies since I was a little little pony! These trees know mah touch like you know yer Mom!"

I wasn't even going to comment on how wrong that sounded. To a child's mind I'm sure it sounded innocent enough, but to a mind like mine, pedophilia was the very first word that popped up in my head. Then again, perhaps it didn't occur to her either. This town was certainly innocent enough.

"I dunno about that," I said, calling out to them while walking towards the pair. "I do still have to give him baths."

"Not surprisin'," Applejack retorted, motioning a hoof around the area. "Me an' my brother got work ta take care of every day. Every mornin', we go 'round, buckin' these trees even if they don't have any apples on 'em, nowhere near how we usually do, mind. Like I said, they know mah touch. They're like family."

I couldn't really argue with that, and as Spike clambered up onto my back as he usually did, I informed Applejack about meeting up with us at the library at noon. I knew it wouldn't take much time out of her day, and I made sure that she knew that, so she agreed to show up. I would prefer to tell them all at once, but there would be no guarantees, of that I could be sure. So instead of focusing on that, I left informing the others to Rainbow Dash and took Spike out for ice cream.

While he enjoyed a nice triple-scoop ice cream, sadly lacking the gem dust he usually liked on top of his treats, I ate a banana split. It'd been ages since I'd just sat down to have one, but I felt...I don't know, relaxed? More relaxed than I'd been in years, even in Spike's presence. World-ending apocalypse-prevention aside, just being around here was...soothing. I didn't feel eyes on my back, the paranoid phantasms of being watched, evaluated, sized up by some thug in an alleyway, just waiting for an opportunity.

I felt peace here. Trust. That terrified me, with how it lured me in with its dulcet tones of safety and tranquility. I still had a job to do, and I couldn't afford to leave that task unattended. I couldn't afford to bask in this kind of stagnating calm.

Of course, there was the concern about revealing my true gender to my new friends. That hadn't left me, I was just trying to ignore it and enjoy some time with Spike, without any nobility or studies getting in the way of it. I didn't even need to ask for him to start gushing about Apple Bloom and the other younger members of the Apple Family that he'd played with yesterday. Telling scary stories by the campfire about the pony in the black suit that spirits away children too curious for their own good, never to be seen again, the old mare looking for her rusty horseshoe, all things I never really got to experience growing up.

I was happy for him. Truly, I was. Could I be faulted for feeling just a little jealous of him, however? I'm only equine.

The rest of the morning was just he and I, wandering around Ponyville. I considered visiting with Lyra and her marefri-I MEAN best friend and roommate Bon-Bon, but...no. It wasn't the right time for that. I'd love to re-connect with old friends and such, but now wasn't the time. I had enough on my plate. I couldn't even imagine what Lyra might have to say to me after I pushed her and the rest of them away when we were little fillies.

By the time we got back to the library, it was pretty close to noon, and no one had shown up yet aside from Pinkie. She tried to stay sitting in one place, but I swear even her cushion was vibrating under her raw exuberance at being let in on what she perceived was a secret. She wasn't wrong, but still, she was shockingly hyper. For her, I mean.

The others, much to my relief, showed up before she actually wound up exploding on me. I was in the middle of reading a book to Spike that he'd pointed out off of the shelf when Rainbow Dash flew in (through the window mind you), and Rarity came in thankfully through the front door. Fluttershy and Applejack showed up at just about the same time.

I gathered them all around the table, and Spike, dutiful and adorable little gentledrake that he was, walked around pouring them all a cup of tea. You'd be surprised at how much of a crowd-pleaser it is, having him serve you. Even Celestia finds it adorable and charming, and tea's just kind of a part of her everyday life. Rarity was practically cooing at how cute he was, waddling along around the center table of the library's lobby area, a pot of tea in his claws while I set out their cups. He even made sure to ask before pouring a cup. Rainbow herself couldn't resist his charms. I'd taught him well.

I sat there and sipped a bit from my own cup while Spike got up on his tip-toes next to me to put the tea kettle back onto the tray he'd retrieved it from. I slid it a bit closer so he didn't have to reach so far. Less chance of him slipping up and spilling scalding-hot tea all over me. I'd be concerned about him getting burned, but uh...dragon. Duh. The kind of temperatures we ponies find relaxing are actually fairly tepid to him. Makes bath-time interesting, when I feel like indulging his desire to just boil. It actually helps to keep his scales shiny and clean. You know your life's taken a weird turn when you're boiling your new son in a big kitchen pot and he's actually enjoying it.

"Well! He is such a little gentlecolt!" Rarity said, her tea cup floating in her magic. "Er, gentledragon? I'm not sure what the proper terminology would be."

"Neither am I. Dragons don't exactly have nobility or what we would normally consider proper manners, they just have Elders, and they certainly don't attend pony tea parties," I said in a playful tone. "But I've taken to calling him a gentledrake."

"Gentledrake it is then!" Rarity said happily, sipping at her tea. "So Spike could be considered the first of his own kind?"

"Not quite. There are dragons that live in Manehattan, smaller species and ones that haven't caved to the greed that the ones near the Badlands have," I explained, waving it off. "The ones who lose themselves to greed are a problem, but let's not bring down the mood by talking about them, hm?"

"O-of course," I heard Fluttershy stutter, discreetly taking a sip of her own tea. She seemed particularly nervous. "Twilight said she had something to share with all of you."

Oh, shit. I really wish she hadn't said it that way. I lowered my head a little as I felt Spike's claws carefully help him climb his way up my back, until he could drape his arms over my withers and just lounge against the back of my neck and upper back. It was one of his favorite places to take a nap, or just relax when I was having a conversation with somepony.

"Heh! Make it sound like ya already know, Fluttershy." AJ said, quirking a brow.

That was the moment she realized what she actually said, I think, because she clammed up and started to turn beet-red. Now we had their attention, it seemed. Rainbow Dash was just grinning and tapping a forehoof against the top of the table.

"Oh, I'll bet she knows plenty about Twilight," Rainbow muttered gleefully, leaning forward a little, her tea completely untouched. "But I guess it's somethin' special...."

"You be quiet," I stated firmly, clacking my tea cup down onto its saucer noisily. "You're embarrassing Fluttershy even worse."

Rainbow looked over to Fluttershy, then snorted and waved off the whole thing with one of her wings. Rarity didn't seem to take to her friend being embarrassed like that either, judging by the dirty look she was giving the blue pegasus. I was thankful for the chance to think while Rarity gave Rainbow some chiding words, though I had a feeling Rarity knew what Rainbow was getting at and just wanted to shush her before she made it worse.

I glanced over to Fluttershy briefly, before taking a deep breath and nodding to myself. It was now ornever. "I got pretty drunk last night, and Fluttershy took me back to her cottage. She saw me naked."

They all stared at me for a moment. I don't think I've ever felt so self-conscious, considering what I intended to tell them. How fortunate for me that Pinkie was there to help loosen up the tension.

"Uh...sooooo...?"

I fidgeted a little and glanced over at Fluttershy once more, while Spike sat up a little on my back. I had no doubt that he was getting a bit concerned by how nervous I sounded. I couldn't hide it. I had committed to going through with this, and it scared me more than I thought it would, now that I was in the moment.

"So...she saw some things I didn't want her to see. Things I don't like anypony seeing." I muttered, clearing my throat and picking up my tea cup once more. The motions helped calm my nerves just the tiniest smidge.

"Ooh! Like a horrific scar or skin condition that makes clumps of your fur go missing, and it makes you look disfigured and awful?" Pinkie said, her rambling speeding up with every word, it seemed like. "And now you have a condition that makes you terribly afraid of ever being naked EVER?!"

"...No," I said slowly, blinking away my confusion. I had a feeling it was going to become a habit with her. "It's nothing disfiguring or anything. It's just...private."

"So she saw your pussy then?"

I glared over at Rainbow Dash, as did Rarity. I was quickly coming to terms with the fact that Rainbow Dash lacked any kind of filter for her muzzle. Even I'm better than that, and I swear like a fucking sailor. Fuck cunt shit. There's three for free. You're welcome.

"Mom, what's a pussy?"

I could feel my eye twitch. "You will regret the words you've spoken this day, Rainbow Dash."

"It's a vulgar term for a lady's private parts, Spikey-wikey," Rarity said very curtly, blushing just a little. "A gentledrake shouldn't ask such questions, nor should he say such things. Understand?"

"Oh. Sorry," he said, lowering his head against my wither. "Should I not talk about the other part, Mom?"

I immediately cringed, and Spike figured out he'd said something wrong just as quickly. My eyes darted to the others, and it seemed like a few of them didn't quite figure out what he meant, but I could see the recognition in Rarity's eyes. She stared at me wide-eyed, and immediately looked down at her tea.

"Oh. Oh my. No wonder you seem so skittish."

"Huh? Think ah'm missin' somethin' here," AJ said, looking over at Rarity while adjusting her hat. "He's referrin' to stallion parts, so what?"

Rarity shook her head slowly. "It isn't my place to say. I believe I know what Lady Sparkle wishes to tell us now."

"Uh-oh," I heard Spike whisper, looking at me worriedly as he clasped a hand over his mouth. "Sorry, Mom."

"What? What's up?" I heard Rainbow half-shout while leaning on the table more.

I could barely see Pinkie beginning to vibrate with excitement where she sat. I think she knew too, but she was waiting for me to say it.

"Ladies, please," I said, taking a deep breath. "It's...it's a big deal, and...guh!" I said, running a hoof over my muzzle. "I'm a hermaphrodite."

The room went silent for a moment, save for Pinkie humming like some kind of bomb winding up for the inevitable explosion of confetti and streamers that would annihilate all of us with glittery goodness. I would've preferred it, in that moment.

"Uhh...still not gittin'...ah mean, ya don't look like a stallion, but I heard some o' them Canterlot types like ta pretty 'emselves up real good-like n' all-"

"Not that kind of hermaphrodite, Applejack. That's from unusual complications with genetics during a fetus's development and-look, simple answer is," I said, clearing my throat. "My hermaphroditism is due to me having an excessive amount of magic in my body. At least, that's the only consistency doctors have ever found. Doesn't matter if you're a unicorn, pegasus or earth pony. If you're born with excessive magical potential, you have a higher chance of being born with my 'condition', as some would say."

"Oh. Alright," AJ said, shrugging a little. "Still dunno how that's some big deal to ya."

"It is a big deal because Lady Sparkle is a noble. A rather well-known noble at that," Rarity said in response, frowning a little. "A noble who, from what I've heard from every single tabloid I've read and every pony I've ever spoken to, is a mare. Lady Sparkle of House Sparkle."

"I KNEW IT!!"

Well, the Pinkie Pie bomb finally went off. I swore I saw streamers burst out of her when she popped up into the air. I'm actually shocked at how quickly I'd gotten used to her antics. Her unpredictability was, in and of itself, more predictable now that I'd gotten a few samples of her insanity. Not to mention whenever she showed such jubilance, I felt her mind brush against my own before being thoroughly blocked out. How strange that she would have streamers as a part of the perception alteration her mind magic causes....

She didn't even pause to let us get a word in. "When Nightmare Moon was pushing on your shield like 'grr I'm eeevil!' and you were like-" she said rapid-fire, a lock of her fuzzy, curly mane twisting around a flashlight that was, for some reason, being hidden in her mane. She held it with her mane against her forehead like a makeshift horn. "-'HAAA I WON'T LET YOU HURT THEM!' and then she started pushing you back, and I got behind you and tried to push you forward!"

She was out of her seat and jumping around, re-enacting the scene with startling accuracy for someone that seemed so spastic. I'm not even going to ask how she was acting out pushing against my ass without anything to push against with such skill that I'd swear she was a mime and there was an actual invisible box she was using in my place.

"Then I started pushing at her with my hooves, but one of 'em reached too low at first and I swore I felt dangly bits!" The flashlight disappeared back into her mane as suddenly as it had appeared, and she darted back into her seat. "But I figured that if you were gonna pretend you were a mare and stuff it must be a secret, so I didn't say anything to anypony!"

I sat there for a moment, just trying to process her words while the others stared at her, rubbing their heads in a mix of confusion and hesitation in how to deal with the news.

"Wait, how do you know what stallion bits feel like?" Rainbow asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

"Oh, Dashie!" Pinkie said, sitting up straight and running a hoof through her mane. "A lady never kisses and tells! Most uncouth!" she said, her tone and posture almost a perfect mimicry of Rarity.

I spoke up before Rarity could be insulted by Pinkie's vague mockery of her. It was all in good fun anyways, and I'm sure she knew that.

"Yes, it is a secret. An important one that I'd appreciate none of you telling anypony else about," I said, looking each of them in the eyes. "I'm serious about this. Fluttershy convinced me to tell all of you because there's a good chance one of you would've found out at some point anyways, so I'm..." I muttered, twirling the edge of my hoof against the top of the table. "I'm trusting all of you with this."

"What's the big deal though?" Rainbow said, taking to the air and lazily flying on her back. "So you've got a dick. Why hide it?"

"Is that a bad word for penis, Mom?" Spike asked quietly.

"Rainbow Dash, language! Child in the room, sheesh!" I chided, frowning a little.

"This secret is more important than any of you likely realize," Rarity suddenly stated, finishing off her tea. "The nobility can be very picky about such things."

"What? Somethin' wrong with bein' a hermaphrodite?" AJ asked, looking down to her tea, which was now a little bit cold. She shrugged and slid it aside.

"Times are changing, but nobles can be very old-fashioned. They prefer things to fit certain criteria, and Twilight is well outside of their criteria," Rarity explained, looking to me with a sad smile. "You've been hiding it since you were a little foal, haven't you?"

"My parents had me in suits since I was four, and foal clothes before that. I've always been Lady Sparkle."

"That don't explain much." AJ chimed in.

Rarity cleared her throat. "If she had been open with her gender, the majority of the nobility would have shunned her. A small minority have more open minds, but for the most part, being a hermaphrodite is viewed as being unnatural. Can you imagine being spoken of in such ways and treated as such your entire life, Applejack?"

"Ah guess I see your point, but then...it still don't sit well with me. Seems real dishonest. Like lyin' yer entire life."

"Yes, well, even I acknowledge that there are some aspects to the nobility that I simply cannot abide." Rarity looked over to me and smiled a little. "Who else knows about your secret, darling?"

"Princess Cadance knows, and Princess Celestia found out in a rather embarrassing way, along with her assistant Swirling Breeze," I muttered, glancing over towards the windows before looking back to all of them. "I need you all to promise me you won't speak a word of this to anypony. Please."

They all looked at each other for a moment. It didn't take more than a few seconds for Rainbow Dash to land back on her cushion and wave it off.

"Pssh! So what if you're packin' heat? Still," she said, rubbing the back of her head. "A mare with both parts. That's...huh. Never really thought about that before. Dunno how I feel about it yet."

"Same here," Applejack said, removing her hat to scratch the top of her head. "But, yer secret's safe with me, sugarcube. T'ain't proper, goin' 'round talkin' about someone's bits like that. That's your business, and yours alone."

"Oh, um," Fluttershy quietly whispered, smiling over at me. "You know I won't say anything to anyone either."

"Indeed! Some may accuse me of being a gossip," Rarity said, hmph'ing and sticking her snout in the air. "But this is one juicy secret I will have to take to the grave with me. I swear that I will not tell a soul."

"Duh! Now we need to all make it official!" Pinkie shouted, grinning and pointing to them all. "It's time for a Pinkie Promise from each of us!"

Just like that, without missing a beat, they all went through the motions as if they were practiced thousands of times before. Pinkie really got around with those Pinkie Promises, I guessed. Even Spike got in on the action, though his was a bit delayed from him trying to just copy the others after the fact.

I simply looked back and forth between each of them...and I laughed. I laughed so hard at the absurdity of just how simple and easy it all was. I laughed at how good it felt to actually feel like I had ponies I could trust with a secret that, if ever it got out, could actually ruin my entire life as a noble.

I laughed at how horrible it was that the rest of the world was not like Ponyville.

It felt like a weight had been lifted, at least somewhat. A weight I never knew was there to begin with. Now, having become all too aware of it, I felt it pushing down on me, crushing me, whereas before it had just been natural, like a reflex to hold it up on my own four hooves. Now I had five mares cradling that weight alongside me, and it felt good.

I bid each of them goodbye as they headed back to their respective jobs, and then went upstairs with Spike to finish getting our things packed. I needed to get back home. I had work to do...but first, I tracked down my cigar case, polished clean and left sitting on my bed, and took a moment to have a little smoke break on the library balcony before putting the partially-smoked cigar out and securing it in the case once more. I'd been yearning for one of those since yesterday, and the desire would not be denied.

On our way to the train station, I stopped and picked up one of those comic books Spike loved so much from a local book store. I didn't even have it in me to be mad at him for blurting out my secret earlier. I felt good! He certainly felt good too on the train ride back, when I let him read it. Some comic series called Meadmare the Tribal he'd taken a more recent interest in.

Either way, I was glad to be on my way back to Canterlot. I had work to do, and it started with Celestia.

Author's Notes:

Man, this week's been a heck of a rollercoaster, and I don't think I'm off the ride just yet.

In any case, here's the new chapter readers! Hope you enjoy.