There were a lot of jumbled and confusing thoughts running through my mind in that moment. I could feel my entire body shaking with an emotion I didn't entirely understand...or rather, one that I wasn't very familiar with. It was as if all of my silent anger and all of my unrecognized fears had been stirred in a pot, and what came from that unholy union was a feeling I couldn't put a word to.

"Twilight. What are you doing?"

I could feel the pistol shaking in my magical grip, the turmoil in my mind making even basic telekinesis a grand feat of personal focus. It was a simple thing, a snub-nosed pistol, standard issue for most of the police, minotaur in design. We had more appropriate designs for ponies, but given how small and abundant they were, they were still the standard for unicorns.

I had swiped it from one of the guards in the interrogation room, who genuinely thought the basic suppressor on my horn was enough to restrain me. Then again, they probably didn't have access to anything military-grade or stronger.

Currently, I had it pointing at my mentor's head, inches from her snout.

I wanted to shoot her. The audacity she had, sitting there talking as if she could make everything I did seem reasonable! Like she could just sweep it away! It would be so easy, just a quick pull of the trigger, and the last big obstacle that suddenly decided to rear it's beautiful, majestic self in front of me, taking me completely by surprise....!

"Look at me, Twilight. Move away from your thoughts and listen to me."

As if slipping out of a self-induced trance, I met my mentor's eyes while something wet and warm trickled down my left cheek. My vision was rapidly becoming blurry as I took in the raw sympathy and regret I saw in that normally alabaster, fake gaze. Not many ponies in the world could say that they'd ever seen the Princess without her royal face on, but in that moment I felt...I don't know, ashamed? Sad? Broken, perhaps? I was in no condition to really understand myself, let alone my feelings.

"They hurt you, Twilight. They hurt you in a way that you couldn't possibly have understood back then-"

I felt that indescribable emotion rise up again, and I pressed the barrel of the gun firmly against the base of her horn. The room suddenly burst with activity and noise as the guards struggled against my barrier pinning them to the walls of the room, shouting over one another to try and warn Celestia to get away from me.

I was a certified killer and criminal, after all, and I had a gun pointed at her head.

She quickly raised both of her forehooves into the air and ordered them to calm down. I almost pulled the trigger when she did that...for all the good it'd do, anyways. She'd startled me, and I'd stumbled up from my seat and kicked the chair over behind myself in the process.

She turned her attention back to me, and I wilted away from her on reflex, as if she might lash out at me like a snake and put me down like the animal I was. I knew what I'd done.

"They made you use magic that no one has any business ever using when you were a little filly. There was nothing you could have done, and you know this. You're a logical mare. You know what that kind of magic does to a pony's mind."

I could hear the pleading tone in her voice, that desperation to get me to understand and accept it. Thing was, I'd accepted it a long time ago, but I never expected it to ever wind up being my saving grace. I didn't want a saving grace, I didn't deserve a saving grace!

"You haven't been truly yourself for many years, and we know what's wrong," she said, gently pushing the gun away from her forehead with her hoof. "You wouldn't have done any of these if it weren't for that magic's influence on you. If you would just let me help you-"

I screamed and pulled the trigger. The bullet impacted the wall and Celestia's ear lowered instantly while she visibly grimaced. Good chance I temporarily fucked up her hearing, but at the moment I really didn't care. She was saying things I didn't want to hear. Things I didn't want to admit made perfect sense. I didn't deserve to get off scot-free for what I'd done. There was nothing fair about that!

"Don't you DARE...try to make it sound like I wouldn't do what I did! Twilight Sparkle would've gladly gone down as a martyr if it meant dealing crime a fatal blow in Equestria!"

The sudden slam of Celestia's hooves on the table made it crack in front of me, and I jerked further away from her.

"Not if it meant sacrificing the lives of other ponies, be they good or bad! I refuse to believe that!"

"How would you know?! You never even knew I existed until I was thirteen!"

"I know that a little filly wouldn't do these things of her own volition, and once you were forced to you had no idea of what it was doing to you until it was too late!"

I could see her take a deep breath and let it out, slowly taking her seat once more. I hadn't even noticed that she'd taken the gun from me, snatched it out of my magical grasp with her own. It was quickly disassembled in mid-air, the pieces clattering to the floor.

"What about your brother, Twilight? Your friends, your parents..." she said, giving me a disappointed glare. "Gadget?"

I froze at the mention of her name. The image of that powerful, beautiful mare stuck in my head, and something in me crumbled away. My trembling legs caved beneath me, and I buried my head beneath my forehooves. I had nothing left in me.

"I don't know...!"

I didn't know when I'd started crying in earnest, or when Celestia had held me in her hooves, but I clung to her as if my life depended on it. Nothing made sense anymore. All I could do was bury my muzzle in my teacher's chest until I cried myself to sleep.

I dreamt of the early days. Simpler days. I remembered reading books in the park about magical theory, going to a nice school with other fillies and colts my age. I remember Moondancer, one of the few fillies that could keep up with me...so many things.

Then I remembered how it all started. No rest for the wicked.