Look at this Unicorn bouncing up and down by the mail box. She reminds one of a baby bird trying to fly for the first time. She has space to gain speed, and soft grass to land on, but seems to be stuck on next step, which is to spread her wings, so she vibrates and hops in place with impotent energy.

Flying down toward Ponyville is a Pegasus of a most curious nature. She will play a role in things later. For now she is the Deliverymare, and her name is Derpy.

The Deliverymare is what happens when you cross an occult ritual of the most dark and eldritch nature with a sense of can-do public-spiritedness. It is a promise, in fact, a Satisfaction Or Your Money Back guarantee, that's got, at this point, as much natural impetus in the world as the sun hasn’t.

Bubble-flanked Derpy became the Deliverymare the same way everything else happened in her life: by accident, starting with her birth. Neither Derpy’s mother nor father had intended her to exist, and in fact had not expected her to exist until shortly before she did, as the mother had failed to notice her pregnancy.

Derpy was held back in the second grade because a dog ate her homework. When she complained, she was made to take a class on sensitivity to critters. Later she would credit this as the reason for her interest in sociology.

Derpy developed a fondness for muffins because she messed up a cupcake recipe. She still has never managed to bake a cupcake.

She was offered a job at the post office because, amazingly, when she crashed headfirst into the boxes in the Canterlot mailroom after taking a wrong turn on her scooter bike, all the mail fell out sorted, which it hadn’t been.

Now she has incredible power over space and time because the old Deliverymare ate an under-baked muffin and was sick for a week, and in the meantime somepony had to do her job.

The Deliverymare…delivers. Always. Never missed a single one. She flies overhead, trailing a rain of muffin crumbs. If you look closely on a moonlit night, you might see her hovering above us all, looking around as if she’s not quite sure where she is or where’s she’s going.

The Unicorn below, unaware of the incredible powers she was trifling with, stamped her hoofs impatiently.

Finally the postmare circled down, her satchel stuffed full of letters and empty muffin wrappers. She smiled at the lavender Unicorn.

“Hi-I’m-Twilight-Sparkle-do-you-have-anything-for-me?” the Unicorn said in a single rush.

“Let me check.”

Twilight Sparkle’s eyebrows rose. The postmare’s eyes pointed in different directions. She took an agonizingly long time go through the contents of her satchel, more out of clumsiness than any deficiency of her eyes—she just kept dropping the darn things, and getting muffin crumbs everywhere. Twilight impatiently began organizing the letter she’d already checked.

Finally the postmare triumphantly clutched a mouthful of letters and other things and gave them to Twilight, who thanked her hurriedly. The postmare left everything else in the mail box[1] and flew away to the next town on her route. Only as she was leaving did Twilight notice the sticker on the back of her satchel.

[1] They had tried individual mail boxes until they realized it just made it easier to choose who’s mail you wanted to read.

Ask Me About My Surveys!

Don’t laugh, Twilight scolded herself. She was probably born with some kind of condition.

She spread the mail out in front of her with magic. First she scanned for anything with the royal sun seal, which meant a letter from Princess Celestia. Disappointed, she sorted the reports and information and letters about the new daughter bank, and calmly crumpled up and vaporized an unopened letter from Shining Armor. With a sudden stab of excitement and fear she spied the latest job market rumors, which she stuffed hastily away before anypony could see. She hoped her clever comparison of a certain famous economist to an amnesiac walrus had been well-accepted. Then she saw it. The latest Canterlot Monthly.

The magazine was plain enough as magazines go, but a beautiful smiling lavender pony adorned the front cover. Exclusive Interview With A Hero! the bold text read. Twilight Sparkle talks Elements, economics, and the future of Equestria!

She couldn’t wait to get home with it, literally. Twilight flipped to the interview with a trembling horn and settled on the grass to read….

The Daughter Bank of Ponyville is a surprisingly unassuming building, shorter than some of the houses and without ostentatious decoration. It lack a statue, a motto, an insignia, or even neighbors: It sits isolated on the west side down a path that looks as though it has become a path from ponies walking to and fro the bank. An old stallion raps on the wall outside with his cane, grumbling about his savings. Eventually the doors fly open and a flustered lavender Unicorn stamps out and says with a sigh, “Mr. Knickerbocker, we’re not that kind of a bank. I told you I dug up the money you buried here and gave it back to your wife. In fact, we don’t have any money here!”

“No money? I’ll tell everypony to start panicking,” the old stallion says, and ambles off, still grumbling. The Unicorn shouts after him, “I control expectations! I control everything!”

I nervously introduce myself, my reporter’s intuition serving me rightly: This is Twilight Sparkle, the Unicorn economist who saved the world. Suddenly I feel I am in the presence of greatness.

She is surprisingly humble. “I’m not great,” she says, waving a hoof and laughing. “Is that what they’re saying about me? That I’m great?” Her embarrassed chuckles are filled with snorts. “Who am I to argue? Wisdom of crowds!” More snorting. I jot this down. She jots down that I jot this down. When I ask why she has a notepad of her own, she says, “Of course I’m going to take notes! I was only ever interviewed once before when I did better on Princess Celestia’s first-year final exam than anypony in 500 years.” (I looked up this claim later, and she’s right: the list of top performers goes back almost a millennium, and only somepony named Sunset Shimmer ever matched her.)

She is inquisitive to the point of annoyance, asking me about my hat (fedora), my choice of pen (fountain, black), my assistant’s name, who chatters in her unplaceable accent while she takes photographs of Ms. Sparkle, who obliges so long as we keep answering her questions.

“But how did your parents know you were going to be a photographer?” she says, ruining yet another picture. We are wasting so much film.

“Da, darling, they did not know, is fake name,” says Picture Perfect. “Stage name, in this case, name of stage, ha ha.”

Ms. Sparkle laughs for an uncomfortably long time, snorts and all. “I get it! That’s funny!”

“Da, darling, is joke. Also truth. Is why funny.”

Eager to see the inside of the daughter bank and to begin the interview, I ask if we can step inside. Twilight ushers us in.

It is dark. Before my eyes can adjust to the gloom, I am struck by the smell of ink and paper and new furniture. As she hastens to relight the lamp and open the shades, I realize why: the bank is small, and empty.

There is one room.

There is one desk.

There is one chair.

“Isn’t it cozy?” she says. “Oh—um, sorry, I only have the one chair.”

At that moment, due to my own mounting horror and stupidity, the interview began.

Isn’t this horrifyingly claustrophobic and isolating?

(Laughs) What? No! I love it here! It’s the perfect place to do work. Princess Celestia knows me so well!

(At this point my assistant clucks. I remember myself and get back to my interview notes.)

Ah…yes, ahem, Princess Celestia…what happened during the NGDP Targeting Festival? How did our nation’s monetary institution fail?

It didn’t fail! That sort of talk would cause lapses in confidence if Princess Celestia…and I (laughs) weren’t so good at our jobs.

But the economy crashed….

Yeah, well, a nightmare Alicorn attacked it.

What was your role in defeating Nightmare Moon and restoring the economic equilibrium?

Hm, that raises the interesting question of whether the economy was restored to its equilibrium or a new equilibrium. I suppose theoretically….

[For the sake of brevity and clarity, we removed a five-page rambling philosophical inquiry involving comparing the economy to a boat and other absurdities. —Ed]

Did you write all that down? Anyway, when Nightmare Moon attacked, I knew I had to do something. So my friends and I went through the Everfree Forest, gathered the Elements of Equilibrium, and defeated her. All it took was a bit of Contract, Entrepreneurship, Information, Finance, and Rationality.

Were you frightened?

No.

Why not?

Well…I suppose I was. I felt a lot of dread. But…look, it was me and my friends traveling through the dark forest to seek the five ancient artifacts that could seal the ancient horror. All I needed was them.

That’s very sweet.

They’re great. Look, I have a picture of us.

(Ms. Sparkle and five colorful ponies, along with some kind of odd green-purple lizard, are in a picture framed on the desk, the only visible personal affect. Her smile is inexperienced but genuine.)

What can be done to protect the economy from Nightmare Moon-like events in the future? How can we prevent another so-called “Great Succession?”

That’s exactly what Princess Celestia intends the Daughter Banks to do. Even if Nightmare Moon seizes control of the One Bank, the Nine Daughter Banks of Equestria can still oppose her.

And oppose Princess Celestia as well.

What?

Ah—supposing the Daughter Banks are used to oppose the One Bank when Princess Celestia is in control?

No.

Um—can you explain how your daughter bank works? How much money do you keep in your vaults?

(Laughs) No, it doesn’t work like that. We don’t have any money here at all. What we do is manage expectations. The market tells us how much money ponies need to achieve some growth trajectory, and then we supply it to them. The One Bank does that too, but the Nine are a bit more versatile.

So if a pony came asking for a loan…?

We’d point them to a real bank. (Laughs) This isn’t really a bank at all. That’s just a historical word. It’s a…well, a sort of…hm. I just think of it as a Daughter.

There are skeptics angry with the One Bank’s failure. For example—

It didn’t fail.

The economy—

Was attacked.

Okay…there are skeptics angry with what happened to the One Bank. The Porcius research institute—

Please. It’s a think tank.

—funded largely by the Flim Flam Brothers has released a new book arguing the One Bank is responsible for Equestria’s economic disaster. They recommend a return to the Snow Standard. What would you say to such skeptics?

First of all, about the Snow Standard, it never actually happened, and it couldn’t possibly work anyway. What would you do when the snow melted? How would you carry it around? Ponies used to use gold and silver, and then they used certificates that could be exchanged for “a bit of” gold and silver, and now they just use bits.

Second, the One Bank is the only reason Equestria’s economy was so stable for a thousand years. The Really Great Moderation was entirely a result of Princess Celestia’s skill, wisdom, and power in guiding the economy. Now thanks to the Daughter Banks, our economy will be more stable and robust than ever.

Suppose Nightmare Moon does return. Can you tell us anything about the security plans?

Princess Celestia is stronger than ever. The Elements of Equilibrium are glowing healthily. I don’t think we have much to worry about.

I’d like to switch now to asking you about the economy more generally and trends in economics.

Fine.

What are the growing economic sectors? Where should ponies look to invest?

Cakes, dresses, and fruit businesses are doing amazingly in this economic climate. Personally I’m surprised by how high a fraction of consumption composes GDP, but it’s hard to argue with the taste of a Sweet Apple Acres apple or the delight of a Sugarcube Corner treat. And to relax in a Carousel Boutique bath towel while you’re enjoying it—what could possibly be better?

Did your friends pay you to say that?

Hey, your magazine is full of paid advertisements.

True. What—

I like paid advertisements!

Me too. What do you think the economy is going to look like in 30 years?

Growing. Beyond that, who can say?

Are you worried at all about western expansion? There are reports of ponies clashing with buffaloes as they move into what are traditionally thought of as buffalo lands. And the trend of ponies moving west is rising rapidly. Is there a bubble in housing?

First of all, that’s not what a bubble is. Second, buffaloes don’t believe in land ownership, so I don’t see how ponies could move onto their land. Third, hey, if buffaloes want them to go away, they can pay them to. They don’t, so they don’t.

Any plans for next year’s NGDP Targeting Festival?

Yes, but it’s a surprise!

What are the growing trends in economic research? What fields are hot right now?

Obviously the recent crisis has been a big boost to macro. Trixie [Lulamoon, the new chief vice executive economist of the Crystal Empire’s daughter bank] has a new paper out about the crisis, but it’s dumb.

Generally speaking, magical modeling and data analysis tools are becoming more and more necessary to do cutting-edge research. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing depends on your perspective, although I think it’s a good thing. Unfortunately that does mean Earth Ponies and Pegasi are finding it harder to publish in the top journals.

We get a lot of letters from fillies who want to become economists. What would you say to them?

Read Foundations of Economic Analysis! And believe in yourself. If you work hard, were born a Unicorn, and have an IQ above 130, you can do it!

Any last words?

Die, villainous scum! Also, thanks for stopping by.

Author's Notes:

Canterlot Monthly is a monthly magazine on the latest hot trends in economics. Naturally, it is read by millions.

The interviewer's name is Tocqueville. I don't know why either.

Shining Armor is a character who has been mentioned but not yet seen, in case you were wondering.