“Okay, I need you to put me down,” I said my voice racked with nerves as I stared at a particularly mad very scared Alicorn Celestia, which is not a good combination. She currently had me pasted to the ceiling. I don’t know what’s got her so worked up!? All I know is that when I came into the dining room I was suddenly on the ceiling and I was looking right into the eyes of Princess Celestia that was ready for bloody murder.

Her light magenta eyes were wide and twitching as her irises shifted around. “Put you down? PUT YOU DOWN! Why so you can cook me up?” she said hysterically.

I mouthed out the word ‘what’ as I tried to understand what she was getting at.

Why would she think I would eat-. My face morphed into a neutral glare.

She found my chicken in the freezer.

With an irritated sigh, I spoke to Celestia, “There’s been a huge misunderstand...”

“MISUNDERSTANDING?!?!” she screamed. Thank god everyone had left for the day already. I don’t need this situation to get any more complicated than it already is. Besides she might get jumpy and blow my ba- “THERE IS NO MISUNDERSTANDING I SAW THE PACKAGES IN THE FREEZER!”

I let out another sigh, “You’re overreacting.” I let out an internal hiss. Should have watched the tone on that one, it kinda came out condescending.

“OVERREACTING!!!!” the princess screeched as I felt the pressure around my body increase. Not to the point of cutting my air off but enough to start to hurt.

Ye-P. I’m going to die. I really should have watched that tone. Alright let’s try this again, shall we?

“Yes,” I started slowly, “Humans eat meat AND,” I said with my voice getting louder as Celestia was about to interrupt me, “vegetables BUT we, at least in this household, don’t eat horses. Especially talking ones, who so happen to be our guest.”

I watched as Celestia's eyes slowly stopped their nervous dance and slowed down to a more deep thought kind of look. Her breathing began to slow down as well and the pressure on my ribs began to soften. “Perhaps,” she paused, “Perhaps, I am overreacting just a bit.” I was then slowly lowered to the ground before the golden aura disappeared. “I am so sorry, is just that I saw the meat and assumed the worst,” Celestia said her tone slowly working its way back to hysterical.

“It’s alright,” I said brushing off the whole thing. Honestly, I read enough fan fiction for this kind of conversation to be annoying now and expected.

“No, it is not,” Celestia stomped her hoof down, “I’m a princess with over a thousand years’ worth of experience.” She began pacing back and forth as her head shook from left to right, “I should have known better than to react like that,” she continued to scold herself. It is odd to see she reacted like this. Celestia looked at me and her eyes were misty with tears, “Especially to a friend.”

I scratched my chest nervously, “Look, you saw the meat and panic it’s alright. It happens,” I said with a shrug of my shoulders.

“Not to me,” Celestia said turning her head away from me.

“Hey,” I walked up to her, grabbed her muzzle and pulled it so that she was looking at me. “This just means you’re just human…er…wait…uh…pony-” Celestia giggled and I stopped talking and took a deep breath to calm my mind enough so that I could speak what I was trying to say, “What I’m trying to say is that you’re just as normal as the rest of us. You know minus the whole ‘I’m goddess hear me roar’ thing.” Celestia giggled some more but it was fuller almost borderline laughter. “Besides at least you didn’t blast me into dust.”

Celestia let out a mock sigh, “I'm sure your mother wouldn't mind a little ash.”

“What about the fact that the ash is me?” I asked with a raised eyebrow and my arms cross.

“That’s easy,” she said with a nonchalant wave of her hoof, “I’ll just tell her you that you annoyed me and ate all of my food. I’m sure she would appreciate that I relieved her of an annoyance on her budget.”

“Ouch,” I said in mocked hurt. “That hurts dude, like right here man,” I said placing my hands over my heart as Celestia began to laugh with me joining her soon after.

After a time, we both settled down, and in a surprising move Celestia hugged me with her front legs while her wings enveloped us, “Thank you,” she whispered into my ears. Her warm breath tickling the top of my head as I wrapped my arms around her, which was a little awkward to do as Celestia is about the size of an Earthborn horse.

An anorexic horse. Sort of.

I mean she weighs a freakin’ ton, from all that goddamn cake I bet, but I’m not going to make a crack at that. Not when we’re having a moment right now.

Later on the other hand...

“Hey what…” I trailed off as I debated whether or not I should say what I had in mind. You know what I’m going to, “what are friends for right?”

Celestia released her hug to get a good look at me. “You,” she started very slowly, “really think of me as a friend?”

“Yea,” I said slowly gaining confidence as I went on. My earlier hesitation ebbed away as I became more sure of myself, “I can confidently say that you are my first and only friend so far.”

“You have no one else?” The princess looked confused by my statement.

Why is that so hard to understand? I mean I’m not into that ‘mingling’ thing that people like to do. I mean it’s so hard to find people of similar interest add to the fact that large crowds tend to make me…nervous. I mean it’s…not……like.

Oh right. I forgot friendship and magic and all that jazz.

“I had people that I hung out with back in middle and high school,” I said crossing my arms and my mind went inward, “and they had my back, sort of, during that rumor nonsense in my freshman year, but that’s about it. Well, I guess I could have called them friends, but we rarely talked since we graduated back in O’10.”

A long silence followed the statement, long enough for it to become awkward. I guess they don’t have that many introverts in Equestria. I bet Celestia has never had to deal with something like this. Most likely I’ll be rejected for being different, again, but this time I’ll be able to overcome the rejection. A skill I wished I had when I was younger. If I did, I bet my acquaintances would actually become my friends.

Or we wouldn’t be friends. They do love to bitch and moan a lot especially on Facebook.

I wonder do they have something like Facebook in Equestria.

No you dumb fuck they don’t even have computers.

They what was all the equipment Twilight had when she tried to figure out the ‘Pinkie Sense’?

The hell if I know.

“I see,” Celestia said putting a halt to my inner monolog. I looked up to see that her muzzle was scrunched up in thought. And here comes the judgment. I watched as the princess’s face turned into a smile that filled my chest with warmth. “Well, then I’m honored to be your first friend.”

Oh wow.

“What’s this?” I mockingly exclaimed, “Princess Celestia is honored to have such a commoner as a friend.” A hand shot to my forehead and my other flung outwards in an overdramatic fashion. “Scandalous!”

“Yes, you should be honored peasant,” Celestia said as she stuck her nose in the air like her fellow Canterlot unicorns back home. She then began to trot around the living room.

“Yes, of course, your highness,” I said giving an over exaggerated bow.

We stopped our performance to look at each other before we busted out laughing. While I was moderate in my amusement, Celestia, on the other hand, looked like she was about to bust her gut. She had actually collapsed on the ground because her hoofs could not support her weight which spurred me to laugh harder at her. It was silly. Princess Celestia, Ruler of Equestria, controller of the sun and moon, the optimum of grace and elegance, was laughing like the Joker. Only with less ‘I’m going to kill you and enjoy it’ and more ‘this is funny.’

It took us a while to settle down from our fit, but when we did the both of us were red-faced and completely out of breath, Celestia more than me.

“Come on,” I said as I went over and reached down to offer my hand to Celestia who placed her hoof in it. I helped her up, “I don’t know about you but I’m starving,” I said as I made my way to the kitchen, “I’ll make some of my pasta.” I could feel Celestia blanched. My pasta tends to have chicken or other pieces of meat, “and I’ll take out of the meat in your portion.”

I had found the trail after I slowly crossed the bridge, very slowly. You see have this thing with heights and all that.

Yea we don’t mix that well. BUT I love flying on a plane. Weird right?

Anyway, after I made it across the bridge I spotted a well-worn path leading into the forest. I found that odd as that would mean that somebody comes here often. The question is who and why? The Everfree Forest is full of creatures that could find easy prey in an unexpected or ill-prepared pony. When I examined the trail I didn’t see any tracks from anything. Wolf, pony, Manticores, or bird, not even a griffin, there was nothing.

So how is there a trail here? Perhaps Zecora comes here often but if that was the case there should be some kind of evidence of it.

Well maybe it’s there for plot convenience dumbass.

My more cynical part of my mind spoke. Telling me that I’m overthinking this and I should just accept this gift and get a move on.

No I’m pointing out how much of a moron you are.

So without further ado, I ventured down the dirt trail.

That was roughly an hour or so ago. As I walked I put my head on a swivel and my ears peeled. I didn’t want a Timberwolf or a Manticore sneaking up on me. The noise of the jungle made it hard to hear anything but that’s fine with me.

It’s when you don’t hear anything, that's when one should be alert. It also helps to keep moving and not stay in one place for too long.

With that in mind, I stood up and continued with my hike. The only company I had was the birds that would fly around or the foxes that would scurry across the path. Oh, look there’s a bear.

HOLY SHIT IT’S A BEAR!!!

I froze as I saw the brown bear as it stood in the middle of the trail. Its red beady eyes stared right into my soul, ice ran in my veins. My mind tried to scramble to remember everything it knew on bears, but my state of mind made that quite difficult. If I remember correctly brown bears are the biggest out of species and bears, in general, are territorial, especially if their young are nearby. Running is out of the option and so is climbing; both are suicidal to even think about. Playing dead is an option but a last resort as it might not work if the bear was hungry. I could try and scare it away by trying to be bigger than I am, and hopefully, the bear would think that I’m just too much trouble to deal with, or maybe it just doesn’t care and will go away on its own.

As I stood there trying to figure out what to do the bear didn’t roar or stand up. No, it just looked at me with curiosity as I stood as still as a statue, which I found extremely odd behavior. Then again I haven’t met that many bears in my lifetime. The bear cocked his head to the side and for some strange reason so did I. Bear sat down and I mimicked it.

WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING BRAIN!!

THE FUCK IF I KNOW!! WE’RE ON LOCKDOWN CODE: BROWN PANTS!!!!

Um aren’t the animals here a little more sentient? I mean doesn’t Fluttershy take care of a bear called…uh, what was it Henry, Harry, Berry or Benny?

…

…

ALL SYSTEMS REBOOT AND ATTEMPT CONTACT!!!

Sometimes I really worry about the state of my sanity. I took a deep breath before I slowly stood up. I laid my stick on my shoulder and pulled my hood down so that it showed my face. Hopefully, the bear won’t see me as a threat.

Another deep breath later and I gave a wave. “Hello,” I squeaked out before an uncomfortable silence. The bear cocked his head to the other side before he pulled he pulled his lips back and showed all of its nice, big, sharp, pointy teeth.

Oh dear god, it’s going to eat me.

With a smile on its face?

Oh, it’s smiling at me! Cool~!

I smiled back, with hesitation, as I SLOWLY began to calm down. “Nice teeth big guy,” I commented and he waved back with such eagerness that his whole body shook. I got a good look at the 300 pounds of muscle and fat that cementing the fact that I do NOT want to piss off my new ‘friend’. I scuffed the ground with boots as a hand grasp my stick with nervousness.

“So I don’t suppose you could show me where the river is at or Ponyville?” I asked with a shrugged shoulder and loped sided smile.

Bear nodded his head up down vigorously in a way that shook his body. His fur to ripple like a wave of chocolate. It was beautiful to see actually. The way the sun shined on his fur it was obvious that he took great care of his coat. How he does it I have no clue.

By bathing in the blood of his prey.

Creepy as fuck as usual brain.

“Can you show me please?” I asked the bear and he just walked down the trail in the direction I was headed. I watched him go a couple of feet before he turned his head to look at me. He pointed his head forward and I took that as a sign to follow him. I was a bit apprehensive, understandably, to follow him. For all I know he could be taken' me home as dinner.

I began to imagine it all now. His wife sends him out to get dinner and he brings me. The wife then begins to bitch and moan about bringing home some strange creature. Bear points at me and grumbles, “You wanted dinner, well I got dinner, now chow down.” He then reaches over and bites my head clean off.

...

…I watch way too much violent stuff.

Bear let out a whimper as he pointed his head forward again slowly with bottom lip sticking out.

DAWWWW HOW CAN I SAY NO TO THAT!!!

Simple...no.

I let out a chuckle as I pulled my hood up and moved forward. “Sorry my furry friend,” I said as I took my spot to his right, “understandably ah’m little cautious with such a large anim- creature like yourself.” That’s right, lay on the southern hospitality all nice and thick like Sean. The friendlier you are the better of the chances that you don’t become dinner.

Bear just cocked his head to the side as he began to lumber on down the path. “You are a meat eater yes?” I asked as a ridiculous notion passed my mind.

What if Bear was a vegetarian?

Man that’s bullshit.

Well they do eat berries from time to time, and this is the magical land of Equestria-

Shut up, just shut up.

The bear let out a gruff which almost sounded like laughing before he reached into my saddle bag and took one of my apples before he swallowed it one go.

Well, butter ma’ backside and call me a biscuit.

I was right. Out all the bears I get the vegan. How…? No, I’m not going to even.

We spent the trip in silence. It ain’t like Bear could offer a decent conversation. Shit, the southern boy is coming out. Okay, let’s try that again.

It wasn’t like Bear could offer a decent conversation.

There that’s better.

I spent years in crushing any traces of my childhood…home. Just because I get blasted to a land of talking ponies doesn’t mean that I should revert back to that era of my past and completely undo all that work. The last thing I need is for these ponies to think that I’m some kind of country hick.

Dude! Applejack is like the country girl of the show and they don’t treat her any different.

True, but I don’t want to fall into that category. When I do get back I won’t have that same understanding from my fellow peers.

Looking around, I took in the environment to get my mind off that train of thought as the last thing I need to dig up old dead memories. I notice that a lot of the animals I saw before kept their distance from us, but they were looking at us, particularly me. I hope that traveling with a large animal would discourage other predators from attacking us. My ears strained passed the sounds of my walking stick striking the ground rhythmically, the leafs crushing beneath my boots, and Bear’s claws digging up the ground as he walked. All was silent in the forest, but from what I don’t know.

Could it because of Bear…

…or is from something far more sinister?

I was alerted that something was wrong when Bear stopped moving and when I looked over he had covered his eyes with his paws and was lying flat on the ground. Well, as much as one could when their body was pretty big. I dug the front of my right foot into the soft ground and twisted it in a half rotation. I have been lead to believe that if I did this a couple of times I would get a good grip on the ground which would enable me to turn and run easily. I hope that I don’t have to put that to the test today.

Ever so slowly I looked away from Bear and down the trail to see what manner of creature could cause this much fear. Such fear that the whole forest would silence itself so that the woodland animals would not be discovered and devoured by the predator. It must so fearsome that even a bear would be afraid of it. It is a pack of Timberwolves? No, I’m sure that I would have heard the howls.

Manticore? Possibly, it is part cat and felines are great at stealth so I would most likely not have heard it approach, but then why didn’t Bear hear it?

I have almost sighted this vile creature. My flight or fight instincts started to kick in.

Alright I’M READY TO CONFRONT THE…

Chicken!?!

It was a cockatrice to be precise. An animal with the head of a chicken but the body of a green serpent. They also held the power to turn people into stone with their gaze.

The cockatrice looked smug as he walked down the path towards us.

The smug looked that quickly turned to confusion before morphing to shock just before it was introduced to my boot. I don’t know if was pony-land magic had a play in this or what, but the damn monster flew up into the air out of the forest and into the sky where it disappeared with a twinkle.

I wanted to kick the guy away, not Team Rocket it.

Well while I’m still thinking about it.

“Its Team Rocket blasting off again!!” I mocked screamed out. Wasn’t quite sure I said it right I mean come on it has been a really long time since I’ve seen Pokémon so cut me some slack. I turned back to my guided and said, “Well let’s get going now before something a lot worse shows up to really takes a shit on our day.” Bear got up and nodded his before he took the lead once more.

And so our travels continued. Around lunchtime, or when the sun was at its peak, we managed to make it to the river where Steven Magnet lived. While I was there I took a quick bath, ‘washed’ my clothes while I had a light lunch, and a mild freak out when I saw Steven Magnet before we moved along. Yea, a big NOPE to that.

We hiked for about an hour or two if I’m reading the sun setting right. Most likely I’m wrong as I am completely in a different universe so the laws of physics might be different, but for my own sanity, I’m going to go by what I grew up with.

Anyway, after an hour or two, the trees began to thin out and it began to get just a bit brighter. Then we came to the edge of the forest and off in the distance was a small town called Ponyville. “Well this is where the fun begins,” I muttered before I turned towards my traveling companion, “Thanks for the help.”

Bear gave a nod before he walked down the edge of the forest towards, what I’m guessing is, Fluttershy’s house.

I looked forward to see the river that flowed at the outskirts of town. I followed the river until it reached the foot of the mountain where Canterlot was built into. “And here we go,” I said going to the river and before I got to the bridge I crouched low so that I reduce the chance of me being seen. Although if a pegasus just so happens to fly nearby then it game over for me.

Once I made it to the bridge I squatted down and looked at the town from afar. It was…odd to see ponies going about their business in such a human-like way. It was a little freaky but interesting at the same time. I see Big Mac pulling a cart full of apples towards Applejack for her to sell for Sweet Apple Acres. There’s Lyra and Bon Bon, or should I said secret agent Sweetie Drops, doing a bit of shopping. Oh my god is Vinyl Scratch!!

I bit my lower lip to keep myself from squealing. You know a manly squeal of course because I’m not girly or anything.

……

Shut up.

Oh, look there are Twilight and Spike walking towards me.

Wait!? Twilight and Spike are here!?!?!

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!

This doesn’t make any sense. They're not supposed to be here until the Summer Festival thing. Is that today? No, if it was then Applejack would be at the farm. What the hell is going on here?

“T-T-Twilight there is a monster over there,” I heard Spike stuttered out.

Huh?

I looked around to see what he was talking about when it clicked for me. My head slowly turned towards the duo across the river to see the baby dragon with a claw pointed right at me. Twilight’s eye grew big…er and took a deep breath while her horn began to glow a light magenta.

“Spike run,” she said as she fired off the spell as she screamed, “MONSTER!!!”

The shock of the scream caused me to fall backward which thankfully put me out of the way of the Twilight’s spell. I quickly scrambled back on to my feet. Twilight let out another scream before turning around and running into town.

In my mind, a song that I heard being played in those vines, that I would watch back home, began before it became quiet.

Run.

Following my instincts, I ran back into the forest my feet thumping on the ground. Why I did go this way? I knew the risk was high so why did I still do it? Screw it! I’ll worry about it later, for now, I need to put as much distance as I could away from Ponyville. Twilight’s scream would have drawn the attention of everyone.

I slowed down to a stop when an idea came to me. Maybe I should let myself be seen or even captured. It would definitely be a one-way ticket to see Celestia.

Or a good way to get blasted by Twilight and her gang.

Yea that puzzles me like a mother fucker. Twilight didn’t come to Ponyville until the day before the Sun Celebration when she met the rest of the Mane Six aka the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony. I know Luna is still stuck on the moon because I see her every damn night so why in the hell is Twilight here?!?

Has my presence already changed the timeline to such a degree? There is also a possibility that it just looked like Twilight. There were a few characters in the show that were simply remodeled after the Mane Six.

I stopped walking and shook my head.

I need to stop thinking like that. This isn’t a show. This is real. Very real and I need to move with caution. One wrong move and it's game over. Besides how many other ponies have purple dragons named Spike as their sidekicks?

So now I go with Plan A: Follow the river in the Everfree forest to Canterlot and sneak into the castle somehow to talk with Celestia.

Unless this is an alternate Celestia who never went to my house in which case I’m fucked.

No, I need to stay positive. I readjusted my stuff and began to walk. Okay let’s go, and let’s not talk to any more of the locals alright Sean. We don’t need to screw things up any more than they already are.

By the time I made it to the river the sun was starting to set as the sky was painted with reds and purples. I tapped the side of my head with my walking stick as I planned out what to do next. Since it was almost dark out I decided to head back to the castle instead of heading up the river as the castle was closer and I need time to think.

Author's Notes:

Shout out to Mix-up for the awesome cover art!